#307 TURNing Pain Into Purpose After Tragedy with Manni Uppal

Sogand talk with Manni Uppal about losing her 11-year-old son, then choosing to turn grief into growth by carrying his legacy forward. We unpack what healing actually looks like day to day, from therapy and faith to neuroplasticity, signs, and the words we repeat to ourselves. 

• Choosing purpose and legacy while still having dark moments 
• Post-traumatic growth and identity after loss 
• Showing real emotions online and why healing is not linear 
• Seeking professional help and being open about therapy 
• Grief as waves and how patience changes the process 
• signs, synchronicities, and training the mind to notice meaning 
• Neuroplasticity, the reticular activating system, and attention 
• Affirmations, self-talk, music, and the emotional charge of words 
• Cultural expectations around grief and refusing to lose yourself 
• Community support, building an online platform, and empowering women 

Tune in to Wellbeing Wednesdays with Sogand on The Universal Radio Network, 97.9 FM in Edmonton, or globally at www.theuniversalradio.com.

IG: @theuniversalradio

Transcript

Welcome And Pain To Purpose

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Hi Turn listeners, this is Sogan. Welcome back to Wellbeing Wednesdays with Sogan on Turn 97.9 FM. Today we spoke about the power of turning pain into purpose and grief into growth. I will be interviewing an inspirational, motivational woman named Manny Uppal, and she has a heart-wrenching story, but it comes with a beautiful, beautiful take on how you can transform your life no matter what cards you're dealt, even if they are the most heart-wrenching, heartbreaking set of cards. I can't wait for you to hear it. I think you'll enjoy it.

Manny Uppal’s Loss And Mission

SPEAKER_01 1:14

Everybody, Manny.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Hi Sogan, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited about this. Uh my name is Manny Upal, and on the pro on the professional side, I am a mortgage specialist. I've been in the industry for about 14 years and in banking for about 20 years. So I have a lot of um banking history and all of that good stuff. But on my personal um life, in November 9th or on November 9th, 2023, I lost my 11-year-old son and his father tragically. Um, so ever since then, throughout my healing journey, I've chosen to take my story on social media and share it with people that may also be going through something dark. It may not be as harsh or traumatic um uh compared to what I went through, but everybody deals with their loss, grief, heartbreak, um in a on a different differently. So any way I can help and help somebody else, that's what I'm choosing to do is share my story online.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Thank you for being here. Okay, so let's get right into it. So I'm just curious to start this off with people who are not aware of the story. How have you continued to turn your grief into growth?

SPEAKER_00 2:37

So I think that's a really good question because I get I get asked that all the time. It's like, how do I continue with my life after? And I would be lying if I said I don't have dark moments, I would be lying if I said I don't cry, I don't get angry, there's all sorts of different emotions that I deal with on a day-to-day

Choosing Legacy Over Giving Up

SPEAKER_00 3:00

basis. But I think the reason why I continue and I've chosen to turn my pain into purpose and power is for my son. Um, I feel as a mother, I'll always be a mom. And I choose to continue and not give up for him because if I give up, who's going to carry his legacy on? And I choose to be that person to carry his legacy and to continue his name and build something meaningful, impactful, powerful uh for the world. So when it's my time to go, my son's name will still grow. That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

One of the many things that attracted me to your story was how you have shaped your identity, not just through the trauma, but also through the growth and the transformation. How has this incident shaped your identity for those who don't know?

SPEAKER_00 3:56

And you know what? That's another great question. I was actually reading something earlier today about post-traumatic growth. And it is true, and I think only people that have gone through something hard or something dark in their life can agree to that, attest to it, as long as you choose to continue your life and not give up. So post-traumatic growth in my case is I think definitely obviously not fair and nothing happened, like nothing positive, or what I'm trying to say is I have changed as a woman throughout this whole process. I think I've found strength that I never realized that I had. And to live without your people in a world where, you know, you see everybody else doing family things and you see everybody doing all these things, it's one of the most toughest things that you can ever have to grow from. So I definitely feel like this has shaped me into a woman that I was always meant to be, but it took this incident. Like I was always on a on a personal development, I was always on a growing journey, uh, working on myself, my mentally, emotionally, physically. But I think this just made me like even more like blossom in a way where it's like I found myself, I found way more purpose to my life. And every day I get up, and you know, it's like I have my people on my social media that look forward to my posts, even myself. I have my own family that makes sure like you know what, like we need her to continue. So I think again, it's not fair what happened, and I'm not definitely not happy about it, but I'm very proud of myself as the woman that it's helped me become and shaped me and like my identity and everything like that. So I think I'm excited for the woman to be, like to, you know, who's who is she gonna be next year? Who is she gonna be in five years from now? Um, so yeah, it's definitely helped me grow for sure.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

I'm proud of you as well. Thank you. I think the community that you've built is also really proud of you. I see the little messages they leave for you. I think your story is one that appeals

Post-Traumatic Growth And Identity

SPEAKER_01 6:10

to a lot of us with maternal instincts, whether we have children or we have animals or we take care of community, we're caregivers. I think that's really important. And I really appreciate how you're vulnerable. Yeah, you do post videos of you crying, yeah. You post videos of you being happy, and that's we live in such a highlight reel on social media. So I think it's so beautiful that you are not shy about the human emotions because grief doesn't end. No, right? You are in a place of growth right now, but the grief is it comes in waves. 100%. And I appreciate that you show that. I think it's it's beautiful because you never know what's real and what's not on social media.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Yeah, and that's like going back to yesterday's post. I shared my whole schedule, and and part of my schedule was having a monthly meeting with my therapist. And I'm not shy about it because I think it's something to be expected from especially a public figure in in our community, in our city. Um, like how are she how is she dealing with it? It it's a big deal, right? Like, people want to know what is she doing to deal with it? Is she seeing help? Is she getting help and all of that? Like, so I think it's important if I'm going to be that role model, I need to be honest that I do seek professional help um on a monthly basis. And that's because I choose to give that to myself. It's not mandatory, right? Like it's not something I have to do, but I want to do it for myself because grief does not end and healing does not end. It's every day is very different. Some days you'll like, I'm like, you know what? I got this, I can handle it. The next day I'll think of something, and it just I'm like, oh man, I'm so like upset, or I'm angry, or I'm sad, or all of these different emotions come in and they do, and grief comes in waves. You could have like the best day and you're ending it on a sad note. You could have you could start off your day on a sad note and you're ending it very positive. So it's just every day is very different.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Yeah, that's really important because people do really conceptualize healing as a destination, yeah, or a place to get to. And sometimes they're discouraged by the fact that there isn't really a destination. You might have goalposts of what you're trying to reach, yeah, but sometimes you won't even reach them because grief comes and it overtakes you, right?

SPEAKER_00 8:28

Yeah, and it's a very strong emotion. It is a very strong emotion, it's a very strong emotion, and and grief is not just the loss of a loved one. I think it's grief, you know, financial loss, a relationship loss, you, you know, losing a home or uh a pet loss. There's just so many different ways of grief of meaning of grief. And of course, our loved ones is like a huge, huge uh, you know, painful one.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Um, but I think just being patient with yourself on a daily basis and just being gentle, like it's okay, Manny, that you're having a sad moment. You're allowed to. What you went through was not easy. Yeah. And the fact that you're still out there sharing your story with the world and being courageous for other people, that's a big deal, you know.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

Yeah, and you know what, there's also grief of identity. Absolutely. And I appreciate also that you still refer to yourself as a mother. Yeah. And you still talk about them as if they are here. Yeah. And I'm a person of faith, and I know you are too. Yeah. And I believe they are here just in a different form. Yeah. But I think that is so powerful. You still not only do you post the birthdays and the father days, and like, you know, you keep the memory alive through your tattoos and through their posts, but you also in the way you speak about them. Yeah. It's very much that they're still here. Yeah. I think that is so beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

Yeah.

Showing Grief Online And Therapy

SPEAKER_00 9:50

And I and I, you got it right. Like, I believe in signs a lot. I'm, you know, more and more I look for signs. Like on Father's Day, I had a crazy sign. Did you? I had a crazy sign. Share it with us. Yeah. I was traveling. I was out in LA and I'm sitting there by the pool. I had a moment in my hotel room on Father's Day because I was going through photos, right? I posted his photo and I had a moment. I was talking to my girlfriend, and I just needed to cry. So I cried. And then a few hours later, and then you know what, after I cried, I got myself ready and like, I think I'm gonna I need to go enjoy the rest of my vacation. So I'm out and about, and I'm like, you know what, I'm gonna go sit, hang out by the pool. I'm hanging out by the pool, and I had this huge umbrella over top of me. I'm laying on the on the bed, and I had this huge umbrella on top of me, and I couldn't see the sky, of course, right? Because I'm hiding from the sun. And my server comes up to me and I'm like, you know what? I only have a little bit more time before I leave. Why don't you put the umbrella up? Like, put the umbrella down. And uh as he's putting the umbrella down, now right away my eyes went to the sky, right? Naturally, yeah. Up naturally, yeah. And I kid you not, you guys, like I seen my initial M with a heart and the forever symbol. And I'm sure somebody probably did that for their partner, their girlfriend, but I took that as a huge sign for me because that's my initial. What are the chances of me seeing that on Father's Day? And after I was thinking about them and had my sad moment and my initial.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

Yes, I saw that. It is true. There was a picture. I saw that.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

Yeah, like there, you know, I recorded it and I'm telling my server, I'm like, I'm on a you see that, right? And he's like, Yeah, I see it, clear. Uh, and I told him my story, and he's like, Holy smokes, that's definitely a sign.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Like, I had goosebumps. It's funny that he said holy smokes, and that was like like a smoky yeah, yeah, exactly. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

And like it, I took that as a huge sign. I'm like, wow, holy yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

This is something that's really powerful that we talk about on Wellbeing Wednesdays with Sogand is neuroplasticity, right? If you train yourself to see signs, you will see signs. Absolutely. If you train yourself to not see signs, you won't see signs. It can be right in front of you. You could have seen that and been like, it's a coincidence, whatever. Yeah, but I think in your story, and as I've seen your posts and dissected them, and you know, and just like knowing you and seeing every one of your posts, and you know how much I like your stories. Um, it's beautiful because you have trained yourself to see the signs. Yeah, it is an art to see the synchronicities.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

And it's funny because I have a few girlfriends that are like, we never see signs. And I'm like, you know what? I've been seeing signs way before even this happened. I feel like the universe was like mentally, spiritually preparing me to be like stronger and warm on myself because God, the universe, our higher self, my soul knew this was going to happen. Beautiful, like it's just we, you know, yeah. I think a normal person that may not really follow the signs or the universe or its spirituality, they may not understand what we say. Yeah, but these signs are real. Like when you're seeing 111 or you're seeing 888

A Father’s Day Sign In LA

SPEAKER_00 13:05

or you're seeing these numbers, that's the universe speaking to you.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Yeah, and there has to be an emotional connection to it, right? So I would say to your girlfriends, even though I don't know them, you do see them. Yeah, you just haven't trained yourself to acknowledge it. 100%. And it's it's as if, like, you know, I was watching Mel Robbins for years, and she always talked about this one car that now I forget because I stopped watching those.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

And then her let them through the city.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Yeah, there's this specific car that she wanted, I forget what it was called. I started seeing that car.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

And I was like, I had never seen it, but I probably had. Yeah. But my focus wasn't on it. Yeah. And so every time, so I would start my day listening to her podcast, and then I would go out for a drive and I would see the car. Yeah. But that's because I was training myself.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

100%.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

And then I stopped listening to that podcast. I I moved on to Andrew Huberman, which is more neuroscience, which if you listen to Wellbeing with Sogand, we talk a lot about science and neuroscience. Yeah. And now I see the stuff that he talks about. Yeah. So we do see it. It's just we have to train ourselves because our brains are magnificent and they take so much information in. Yeah. But the reticular activating system is going to, it's like a bouncer in the club. That's what she talks about, also. And it's gonna allow in what you allow it to be important and of significance. So you have told your RIS, reticular activity system, hey, these things are important to me. Yeah, these initials are important to me, these memories are important to me. Yeah, and so your RIS is like got it. Yeah, and so it's a training, yeah, but she's living proof that this works and your brain can work with you instead of working against you, even in grief.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

So far throughout my journey, it'll be three years this November. I think throughout so far, the thing that has saved me is God for sure, my faith in God, and just that you know what it I have to accept the will of God of what he wanted, and um is signs, is like working on my mental self and manifestation, believing in what you tell your mind. Like, you know, even my therapist he says, What you like if you say you can't, you can't. Yes, if you say you can, you can't. Yeah. Because I've asked him. I'm like, what if I can't do this? What if I can't continue on? And he just says that one quote, I'm like, Yeah, you're right. Okay, I need this, you know. So it's exactly what you tell yourself. And if you come to my house or if you come to my office or you come anywhere, I just have sticky notes everywhere. Oh, I love affirmations all over. Oh, that's beautiful, you know. And I recently just came out with my affirmation cards. Congratulations, congratulations. Those are powerful words that I've come up with that I've used throughout my healing journey, and words are powerful. Yes, we don't realize that. Yes, they have you ever had a moment where you're like thinking about somebody or thinking about like, hey, I haven't heard I haven't talked about or I haven't seen that, or I haven't taught uh heard from that person, and they'll just randomly call you. Yes, these things are real, yeah. And even if you just start your day by reading something, that's what you're gonna believe. Yeah, right. Soon as like somebody says to me, Oh, you're not good enough, or you're or you're this, you're gonna start thinking about it over and over. Yes, right? Yes, and our thoughts and things we think about, you just automatically keep repeating them. And emotions only last 90 seconds, right? Like what you it's only there for 90 seconds, it's our mind that keeps replaying it. Yeah, and as you keep replaying something, you just keep seeing that, like just like car thing.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

Yeah, and we are creatures of habit. So if you are constantly working on, you know, turning the grief into growth or pain into purpose and working on that, your body is gonna, you know, work around that and it'll be faster. You know, I actually watched this one doctor the other day um on another podcast, medical doctor, and he was talking about there are fMRI studies done on people who have practice affirmations. Okay, and their pain receptors and their brain have responded and they feel less pain because of the affirmations. Yeah,

Neuroplasticity, RAS, And Affirmations

SPEAKER_01 17:10

so there's actual physiologics.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

That's amazing. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

So it's not just fluff. 100% a lot of people think that words are fluff, yeah, but we do a lot of talking. Yeah, you know, you're talking at work, you're talking, there you're taking in, even if you're a type of person that doesn't talk much, you're taking in media, you're taking in music, you're there's a lot of words.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

Even music, even music, you guys. Like if you listen to something sad, I always do like if I'm sad, then I'll listen to sad music. If I'm not sad, I do not listen to sad music because the lyrics will hit you so much. And again, it's words, yeah. But if you're if when I'm in a joyful, happy, I'm positive, good mood, I will listen to uplifting music because it does it like it, your mind listens to it all.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

And there's an emotional charge, right? I think folks need to just recognize that there's an emotional charge behind everything that we do, 100%. And it impacts things, all energy and energy doesn't go away, it just takes different forms, right? That's right. Very true. Beautiful, very true. So I'm just wondering, because you're very proud of your faith, of your culture, and you really integrate it into your healing. I'm wondering, were there cultural expectations that were placed upon your grief? And if so, how did you navigate that?

SPEAKER_00 18:25

I don't think there was implications put on it. I think it was more so um what people's expectations are, especially from the culture. Um, people didn't say anything to me. I think it's just coming from generational and generational um in our gener like in our culture, what women did when they lost their spouses or their family. I think it's an expectation of of like women to just hide, to give up on themselves, to not get ready, to not dress up anymore, to not look good, to not wear lipstick or to wear white clothes. That was so many years ago. So I think a lot like it wasn't like, hey, you can't do this. It wasn't anything like that. But I think that was an expectation of people's of me. And uh, and of course, I'm like, I am very hurt with what I've gone through. Yes, but that does not mean I lose more than what I've already lost. Wow, powerful. And losing more than what I've already lost would have meant I lose myself. Yes, and I will never want to lose myself. Powerful, you know, and I think it's very important when we go through something tragic in our life is to not lose yourself because you need to continue to work on yourself. You still have so many years of life to go. I don't know how many years I'm gonna be here for, and I can't live the rest of my life in misery or in I can't dress up. Like, I love dressing up. I think part of my healing is dressing up and looking good because when you look good, you feel good. Facts, right? If I'm sitting at home in my PJs and I'm crying and I'm crying, just want to sit in my bed, my mood and my mind is going to be more impacted, impacted. So I think I had to fight for myself, not fight, but I had to put my foot down. I was like, no, this is what I want to do, and I deserve this just as much as anybody else. And my aunt, um, my dad's sister, she was actually a huge advocate for me in that sense. I'd talk to her, I'd be like, like, people are staring at me. You know, I'd go to the temple and people be staring at me. I'd go somewhere, people would be staring at me like, oh, how come she's dressed up, or how come she's wearing red lipstick, or how come she's this? And my aunt was like, nope, do not look at people because people expect you to fall. But you cannot do that. You are a businesswoman, you belong to a very good family, and you need to continue with your head up high. Yeah, you know, yeah. So I think it was just, I think it was just more so your mind, like my mind, the company that I had, my family, they they didn't want me to stop. Like, you know, it's not fair to my parents that they lose their daughter because of another loss that we just encountered. Like it wasn't, it wasn't fair. Like, of course it's it's hard, it's not easy, it's not just like I'm positive all the time. I have my moments, and I, but I think it was just I had to put my foot down. I was like, nope, I need to do this for myself. I deserve it. I have I have all these years ahead of me and I'm young. I need to still continue on. I need to build something. And I think it was just that that that feeling inside. I'm like, no, this isn't this isn't it for me. This isn't it. For sure. I feel like this is my soul. Like we're all our soul is just here in a human experience.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Yes, right?

SPEAKER_00 21:53

I'm just experienced it who knows what karmic cycles I've come from, right? Right. Who knows? What it's just it was like, no, this is my soul experiencing this. This is not the end of it. I'm here to learn these lessons and take it into my next wherever I'm gonna go. Right?

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Beautiful, yeah, beautiful. Yeah, that's so beautiful. So I'm hearing that there's a lot of emphasis on community and on belonging. And obviously, family is essential to you, faith is essential to you. But I'm wondering what else did you lean on? Obviously, also your chosen community now is online, but on those early days, you were in therapy.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

What else was community for you then? I think in the early stages, I you know what what made me want to post on social media was one uh I think a few months after everything had gone through, I had gone through everything, I posted a video and it just went viral. Okay. I posted a huge video and it went viral. There was a lot of people that was that were very, very empathetic, okay, you know, very very passionate, very um, like, you know, sent me their condolences and things like that. And then from that moment, I was like, you know what? I'm actually gonna turn

Culture, Self-Preservation, And Looking Good

SPEAKER_00 23:10

my grief, like turn this into something that I want to build. Yes. So now I've I've gotten to learn, you know, after so many years, it was like trials and like this, what's working, what's not working. So now I finally, okay, this is what I want to do. I want to empower, I want to impact, I want to inspire other women. Uh, I always say women, but my page is for anybody, obviously. But women mostly um because there's a lot of women that go through stuff behind closed doors and they don't have a voice to help themselves. Yes. Or they don't have a channel where they can lean on, right? So there's so many different ideas that I have with my platform that I plan on doing. Um obviously the first product that I just launched is the affirmation cards, but there's so many more different things that I want to work on. Yes. But in the early points, is like my family was definitely number one. My brother, my brothers, uh, my close cousins, my aunts, God, my faith. I leaned a lot. And I had some close friends that I helped as well. Right. Right. But I think I think the way I see it is we have 24 hours in a day. An hour, two hours, three hours, four hours with people. Yes, we're happy with them, we're hanging out, we can forget about what we're going through and they can talk to us. But the rest of those hours, it's all you and your mind. Yes. So you have to be very, very careful and very strong and cautious mindful of everything you do in those during those hours. Yes, yes. Right? Because when you yourself are alone, there's a lot of things that we think about, right? And one negative thought can spiral us into going into thousands of other thoughts. Yes. So I had like I still do, I still have, I come from a very good big family. So if I ever needed to talk to somebody, I know people would be there for me. Um, but a lot of the things I think I worked on myself and just posting online, I think that that helped me because I I received so many messages from women that are like, hey, you know what? Because of you, we're able to do this, or because of you, like you helped us. And I have women that come to my office that want to come meet me for coffee. They're like, I want to, you know, and they share their story with me. And I'm like, wow, oh my god, like I'm honored, like that you trust me with something so vulnerable, right? And I think just being out there and in a social media, of course, but as a p as a public figure in our community, I've become that woman, like, hey, you know what, she helps women or she does this. And like I said, there's so many different things that I want to do for my community um online and the women that I want to help. So this is just the beginning, but I think there's just so many things that I want to accomplish with my platform for sure.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

Amazing. Tell people where they can find you to keep up with

Building Community And Where To Connect

SPEAKER_01 26:05

your story and stay in tune with your beautiful healing because it's I love it. It's not linear, healing is never linear, and you're very upfront about it. Yeah. Where can people find you?

SPEAKER_00 26:15

Yeah, no, uh, people can find me on my Instagram, MannyUppal, and I'm on Facebook, I'm on LinkedIn, um, Instagram, like I said, but I also have a website now that you can also go on. Um, it's just MannyUpple in uh mannyuple.com. Um, you can reach out to me there, contact me through that, and you can also actually purchase my healing book, healing after loss ebook, and my affirmation cards. And healing after loss talks a lot about everything that not everything that I've gone through, but it has my story and little bit of things that I've done. But now I'm also coming out with another ebook that will actually have just overall everything that I've done, um, like my whole routine from morning to night, things I do to heal and become better. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:04

So good. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Thank you for being here. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

It's been an honor. Oh, thank you so much. I appreciate your time and for having me share my story with you and your wellness people. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

This is Universal Radio 97.9 FM, and we will catch you at the next episode of Wellbeing Wednesdays with Sogan. Hi, Turn listeners, this is Sogan. Thank you so much for listening to the Turn Podcast. Please follow us at the Universal Radio on Instagram to stay tuned with our other podcasts. This is Sogan again with Wellbeing Wednesdays with Sogan, and I'll catch you next time. Bye.