Play, Passion, and Fun: Reclaiming Joy in Midlife

When did you stop doing the things that made you feel like yourself?

Not the big dramatic moment. Just the slow, quiet disappearance of the woman who used to hike, go to concerts, write things just for herself, sit on the beach for no reason at all.

She got crowded out by the responsible one. The one who handles it. The one who keeps the wheels on. And you told yourself you'd get back to it someday.

But someday has a way of turning into years.

This episode is about getting her back. Not by overhauling your life. By choosing joy on purpose, starting this week.

Because joy is not a reward for finishing everything on your list.

It is fuel. And your body has been running low on it for too long.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• Why joy goes missing in midlife and what it's actually costing you
• How fun and play affect your body on a biological level
• The reframe that puts joy in the same category as sleep and protein
• How to start bringing it back without overhauling your life

Action Step:

Pick one thing this week that you used to love, or one thing you've been curious about, and put it on your calendar.

Not "I'll try to fit it in."

Block the time like you mean it.

Then do it and pay attention to how you feel.

It doesn't have to be big.

It just has to be yours.

Craving more? Get the full episode notes here: https://kimberlyriggins.com/play-passion-and-fun-reclaiming-joy-in-midlife/

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

If I had to bet, this is gonna sound familiar. You can't remember the last time you did something just because it felt good. Not because it was productive, not because it checked a box, not because someone needed you to. Just because it was fun. Maybe you used to hike like me or go to concerts or write things just for yourself or sit on the beach for no reason at all. And somewhere between the career, the kids, the caregiving, the keeping it all together, you kind of just stopped. You told yourself you'd get back to it someday, and then someday turned into years, and now fun feels like a luxury you haven't earned yet. Here's what I want you to hear today. Joy is not a reward. It is not something you get to have once everything else is handled. It is not irresponsible, it is not frivolous, it is fuel. And midlife is exactly the right time to stop waiting for permission to feel alive again. Let's get into it. Welcome to the Love Your Naked Ass Podcast, the Midlife Rebellion Edition. I'm your host, Kimberly Riggins, health and life coach, holistic nutritionist, and your go-to bullshit detector for all things midlife. If you've ever rolled your eyes at the phrase aging gracefully, you're my kind of rebel. Because midlife isn't about swelling down, it's about showing up, speaking up, and maybe flipping a few tables along the way. So grab your coffee or your cocktail. I'm not here to judge. It's time we raise some hell, laugh a little, and love our naked asses again. Let's do this. Alright, welcome back, Rebels. I have a funny story really quick. I have recorded this podcast, or I thought I was recording this podcast, and I was totally on a roll. I was walking around the room, my hands were flying in the air while I was talking, and I realized I never pressed record. I tell you, some days, right? Alright, so let's get into it. Let's start with why joy goes missing in midlife and why it actually matters more than you think. So here's the thing. By the time we get to this point in our life, we've spent decades being needed. You've been needed by your kids, by your partner, possibly by your parents, and of course your job, right? And you became the person who handles it all, the one who keeps the wheels on, the one who shows up, manages the details, and does it all with a smile. But slowly, without even realizing it, you stopped making room for the things that light you up. Can any of you relate to that? Yeah, me too. Here's the thing. Fun at that point started to feel selfish, right? It was almost frivolous, like something you could get back to later. But then later never comes, especially on its own. What I'm trying to tell you really is this. You have to decide to choose joy. That's it. And here's why this matters more than you think. When you cut joy out of your life, you are not just missing out on a good time. You're running low on something your nervous system actually needs. Play reduces cortisol levels, and laughter regulates your stress response. Passion and creative engagement activates parts of your brain that problem solving and caregiving just simply don't reach. So this isn't about indulgence. This is biology. Your body is designed to need joy. And when you starve it of that, everything gets harder. You know exactly what I'm talking about. The exhaustion gets heavier, the irritability sits closer to the surface, the fog thickens, you feel miserable a lot more than you should. Listen, this is not a discipline problem, it's a depletion problem. Let me give you an example. I used to think I was quite whimsical. There may be people in my life that don't agree, but I used to love to do things for myself all the time. I was way more carefree as a young adult than I am now. I used to hike all the time, I used to go on concerts, I used to write for fun. And yes, I was the person who would sit on the beach for no reason at all. Well, back then I didn't carry the weight of everyone else's life on my shoulders. And I didn't have a demanding full-time job back then either. So, okay, I get it. But somewhere along the way, I gave that all up. The thing that I track it back to is I had my son, and then I got the demanding corporate job. But I'm not blaming them. I love my son. 100% hands down, the best thing I ever did in my life. But somewhere along the way, without me even realizing it was happening, that version of myself, that carefree version, just disappeared. And it wasn't this dramatic moment. There was no day that I decided to stop being her. It just happened. And it was quietly just pushed on the back burner because I felt I needed to be the responsible person. And I took on the responsibility of handling everything. That's on me. Because here's the truth: there's always gonna be a permission slip to sign and a meeting to prep for and 1700 other things that cannot wait. And yeah, sure, I told myself, yeah, I'll get back to it. I swear I did. But here's the thing. My son is gonna be 18 years old in July. Can you let that land for a second? For the last 18 years, I kept telling myself, sure I'll get back to it. Sure I'll do that again someday. Well, I guess I didn't really listen, because it's been almost 18 years, and I've been putting myself on the bottom of that list that, let's be honest, never gets short enough to even reach me. And then I lost my mom, and then I turned 50. And I looked up and realized, holy shit, he's leaving for college in a couple months. And I thought, if not now, when? So I booked my Italy trip. Now, for those of you who don't know me, I've been talking about going to Italy for probably the last 10 years. It was supposed to be for my 40th birthday, then it was my 45th birthday, then I said it was gonna be my 50th birthday. I will be almost 51 when I actually go, but I'm actually going. It is officially booked, I will be in Italy for 10 days. This is the trip that I've been meaning to book forever. For years. And I have to be honest, when I bought the tickets, which was my first step, pressing this admit button and spending all that money scared the hell out of me. Not because I didn't have it, because I don't do that for myself ever. I don't spend that kind of money on myself. And I'm afraid if I do, that something in the house will break, my kid will need something, you know the drill. But here's the thing. I did it anyway. Because I knew that I needed to do it for me. And then something really strange happened. Nothing like dramatic, there were no fireworks, there was nerves, but no fireworks. But I recognized I cracked something open. Because in that moment, after I got the receipt that I had paid for these tickets, and we had booked the space we were going to stay in, it was like a light finally came in that I didn't even realize it was missing. And then I realized that is what joy feels like when you finally let it back in. I am so damn excited to go on this trip, I can't even begin to tell you. I'm like a little kid in a candy store. I cannot wait to go. And instead of asking myself why it took so long, I'm just letting it unfold naturally as we go. And I'm hoping this is going to be the precipice that will continue to make me move closer and closer to things on my bucket list that I just kind of been ignoring. So, yeah, I'm not perfect. And yes, I understand because I literally was her not that long ago. Let's talk about a reframe for all of you guys out there who think fun is frivolous. Fun is not frivolous. So let's go ahead and kill that lie right now. That lie pretty much says we're too old for this. That fun is for people who don't have responsibilities. Straight up bullshit. Joy is not something you earn after everything else is taken care of. That is not true. What is true is that you were taught to prioritize everything and everyone above yourself. And then that got weaponized against your joy. That's pretty simple. That's how it happened. Fun is not the opposite of being a responsible adult either, by the way. It's what responsible adults are supposed to have access to. You're not here to white knuckle your way through midlife. You're here to enjoy midlife. You're not here to wait until retirement to feel something good. Listen, doing something just because it makes you happy is not a guilty pleasure. So stop telling yourself that it is. It is literally part of taking care of yourself. So let's reframe this right now. Think about this as the same way you would think about protein. If you've been listening to me for a while, you know that I prioritize protein, that I believe sleep is the biggest and most important piece of your foundation, and saying no is imperative. So let's add joy to that list because it belongs on that list. So, how do we start bringing this back? You don't have to overhaul your life, I promise. You just have to start somewhere. So let me give you some things that have worked for me that I'm using right now in my own life. Number one, schedule it like you mean it. We've talked about this before with self-care and taking care of your body and your nutrition and all the things. This is the same thing. Treat it like a doctor's appointment because you know you don't skip those. Treat your joy in the same exact way. Schedule 30 minutes. That counts. We're not looking for an entire day or week's vacation at the moment if that's not what you're at where you're at. We're looking for 30 minutes that you put on your calendar that brings you some sort of joy. Number two, start embarrassingly small. If you loved to dance, ask yourself when's the last time you did it? You don't need to go to a club to do that. Turn on some music. We have great speakers now. Dance in your living room. Why not go watch the movie you loved at 22? If you love art, pick up a paintbrush. Paint something horrible. Here's the thing. The goal is not to skill. The goal is to play. Number three, try something you've been curious about. Take the pottery class, sign up for the salsa lessons, go hike the trail you've never hiked before. Novelty is the direct line to aliveness, I promise. Number four, probably the most important one. Drop the guilt. Because this is the hardest thing for women to do. So if you need to say it out loud to all your friends, do it. Having fun is not selfish, and keep saying that until it starts to stick. And last but not least, let it be imperfect. You do not need a reason to enjoy something. It does not need to be productive, it does not need to lead anywhere. It just needs to feel good. The point is not perfection. The point is presence. Alright. Your action step this week. Pick one thing. That's all I'm asking. Pick one thing this week that you used to love, or maybe one thing you've been curious about for the last 20 years and put it on your calendar. Not, I'll try to fit it in. Literally block the time. Then do it. Pay attention to how you feel during it. Of course, pay attention to how you feel after, and notice what shifts, because I promise you something will. So here's what I want to leave with you today. Joy is not the thing you get to have once your life is in order. It is what helps you get your life in order. Midlife is not the time to disappear. It's the time to come back to yourself on purpose. So stop waiting for permission. Stop waiting for the right moment. Stop waiting for someone to tell you that you've done enough to deserve a life that feels good. You have always deserved that. Go play, go laugh, go do the thing that makes you feel like yourself again. Promise yourself that. Alright. Coming up next week, we are talking about what is actually happening inside your body during midlife. Yes, we are going back to half blushes, weight gain, and hormone havoc. Not in a scary way. In a finally someone explained this way. Because knowledge is power. I truly believe that. And most women have been left in the dark about their own physiology for way too long. So if you're tired of feeling blindsided by your own body, this episode is going to change that. Trust me, you don't want to miss it. Make sure you've subscribed so you don't miss a single episode. Talk to you soon. And that's a wrap for this week's episode of the Love Your Naked Ass Podcast, the Midlife Rebellion Edition. If you're loving the show, be sure to smash that subscribe button, drop a rating, or leave a review. Because we're not here to tweak the old narrative. We're here to torch it, rewrite it, and make damn sure every woman knows midlife is her time. Don't forget to join me on Substack at Rebel Midlife, where we get raw, real, and a little rebellious about what it means to thrive in this chapter. I'm Kimberly Riggins, signing off with this reminder Midlife isn't a crisis. It's your comeback story. Catch you next time, Rebel.