Stop Managing Your Stress and Start Plugging the Drain

Why you're exhausted has nothing to do with how strong you are. In midlife, shifting hormones, relentless demands, and zero real recovery time create a perfect storm that no supplement or breathing app is going to fix. This episode gets into what's actually driving the energy drain and what to do about it.

Because the problem isn't that you can't handle stress.

It's that you never get to recover from it.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• Why stress management advice keeps failing you and what the real issue actually is
• How perimenopause and menopause change the way your body responds to stress and pressure
• The slow energy leaks most women never think to look at
• Why the foundation (food, lifting, sleep, boundaries) is the only place worth starting
• The one thing to do this week that takes five minutes and costs nothing

Action Step:

Identify your single biggest energy drain this week. Not your biggest stressor. Your biggest drain. Write it down and ask yourself what it would cost you to reduce it and what you'd get back.

You don't have to fix it yet.

You just have to name it.

Craving more? Get the full episode notes here: https://kimberlyriggins.com/stop-managing-your-stress-and-start-plugging-the-drain/

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You want to know what nobody in the wellness space will admit? Stress isn't the problem. You've been managing stress your entire life. You've been managing it since you were 22 and working two jobs. You managed it through potential pregnancies and promotions and parents getting sick and marriages that required real work. And let's not forget about the kids who needed more than you had some days. You know how to handle hard things. That's never been your problem. The problem is that there's now no off switch. There used to be a version of your day that ended, and now it just doesn't. And your body is keeping score. So this episode is about what's actually draining you, why it gets so much louder in midlife, and what you can do about it that doesn't require that 47-step morning routine or that $90 bottle of ashwagandha. We're keeping it real, keeping it simple, and we're getting you some actual answers. Welcome to the Love Your Naked Ass podcast, the Midlife Rebellion Edition. I'm your host, Kimberly Riggins, health and life coach, holistic nutritionist, and your go-to bullshit detector for all things midlife. If you've ever rolled your eyes at the phrase aging gracefully, you're my kind of rebel. Because midlife isn't about swelling down, it's about showing up, speaking up, and maybe flipping a few tables along the way. So grab your coffee or your cocktail. I'm not here to judge. It's time we raise some hell, laugh a little, and love our naked asses again. Let's do this. Let's jump right in. First, I want to talk about what's actually going on here. Because if you've been blaming yourself for being exhausted, I want you to stop right now. In perimenopause and menopause, estrogen and progesterone are constantly shifting. And those hormones don't just affect your period. They regulate your sleep, your mood, your blood sugar, your body temperature, and your stress response. So when they start fluctuating, everything feels harder. Your nervous system is more reactive, your cortisol spikes faster and takes longer to come back down, your sleep gets fragmented. So even if you're in bed for eight hours, you're not really getting the recovery you need. And here's what makes it worse. Most women in midlife are also at peak demand. Peak career pressure, peak family pressure, they have teenage kids, say no more, aging parents, invisible labor piling up, with no real recovery time. Right now your body is working harder to regulate itself at the exact same moment life is asking more of you. That's not weakness.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

That's biology meeting a very brutal schedule.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

And then someone hands you a list of stress management tips as if a breathing exercise is actually going to fix a life that's structurally on fire. This is not about mindset. This is totally about load. Hi, let me tell you a story. I want to be honest with you because that's the only way this works between us. There was a period of time not long ago when I was completely running on empty and I was still telling everyone I was fine. I was coaching women through burnout while being burnt out myself. I was sleeping like absolute garbage, snapping at people I loved, and truthfully choosing coffee over meals because I didn't have the time to eat an actual lunch. And I was also skipping my own workouts because everything else felt more urgent. I knew the right information. I teach this stuff, yet I still ended up on the wrong side of my own advice. Because knowing what to do is not the same as having the structure in place to actually do it. And the reason I didn't have the structure is because I was running on an old model. I was pushing harder, taking care of everyone else first, and I believe that I could rest when it's all done. But it's never all done, and that's the point. The only thing that changed it for me was getting really honest about what was actually costing me energy versus what was giving it back.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

And then I had to make some really big decisions that felt a little bit uncomfortable. And that's what I want for you today. We've been sold the idea that stress management is about adding things.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Add a yoga class, add journaling, add a gratitude practice. But in midlife, especially if you're already overloaded, adding more things is not the answer. The energy equation is actually pretty simple. Energy in, energy out, recovery. Now, most women in midlife are already spending energy faster than they're getting it back. And we're also not recovering because recovery requires real rest, real food, and some actual stillness, none of which happens when you're in a constant output mode. But here's the reframe stress is not the problem. Unrecovered stress is the problem. Your body's built to handle stress. What it cannot handle is that unrelenting, chronic, unrecovered stress with no outlet and no refill. That's when things start to break down. So before you just go add one more thing to your plate, I want you to look at the drain first. Where is your energy actually going? And I don't mean the obvious things, I mean the slow leaks. The relationship that costs you more than it gives, the obligation you said yes to two years ago that you resent every single week, the habit of picking up your phone the second you have 30 seconds of quiet. Those are the real energy expenses that nobody talks about when they hand you a list of stress acts. So let's talk about what actually works. And you're probably gonna go, oh, are you serious? Because yes, we are talking about the foundations again. Because here's the part where I could give you a 10-step system and impress you with how much I know, but I'm not gonna do that because it doesn't work. Here's what actually moves the needle on energy and stress in midlife. And I know that it's not sexy, but it's true. Foundations. Eat enough and eat it on purpose. Remember, last week we talked about it. Undereating spikes cortisol. And your body reads food restriction as a threat. And when you're already overly stressed, that's like putting gasoline on a fire. So remember to always get protein and fiber at every meal. Stop skipping your meals. It is not an option anymore. Lift weights. Yes, I know I talk about this constantly, but strength training is one of the most powerful stress regulators you have access to. And it doesn't have to be a 90-minute session, 10 minutes, 15, 20, just something. Weight training burns off cortisol, it increases sleep quality, it builds the physical resilience that makes everything else feel easier. Two to three times a week.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

That's it. Protect your sleep like it's a business meeting.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

We've also talked about this in other episodes. Sleep is when your body processes cortisol. It's when it repairs your tissue and regulates your appetite hormones. So if you're not sleeping, do you think those things are actually getting done? Of course not. So this is why that one bad night makes you more reactive, makes you more hungry, more foggy, and way more emotional. It's not laziness. This is your body breaking down. You need to wind down and you need to protect that window. Say no to something this week. Huge. One thing, an obligation that drains you, a request you've been fielding on autopilot, assure, no problem, that costs you more than it looks. Say no. Or say not right now and do not over-explain. You do not owe anyone an explanation. And please get off your phone in the morning. Before you check anything before social media, email news, give yourself 15 minutes of actual quiet.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Your nervous system will thank you in ways you can feel by midday, I promise. That's the list.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

It's not complicated. It's just hard because it requires you to choose yourself first, which obviously you're not used to doing. You don't have to earn this. You just have to remember to do it. So let's talk about your action step for this week. Again, we're just gonna start with one thing. So identify your single biggest energy drain, not your biggest stressor, your biggest drain. It could be a person, a habit, a commitment, or even a thought pattern that you keep feeding and write it down. And then ask yourself, what would it cost to reduce this and what would it give me back? You don't have to fix it this week, you just have to name it. Because you can't plug a drain you haven't found yet. Here's what I want you to take away today. You are not tired because you're weak. You are not stressed because you can't handle things. You're running a body that's been navigating a real hormonal shift while carrying a full life with very little recovery built in. You have a load issue. You are not broken, you don't have any character flaws, you are not imperfect, you are human. And the answer, ladies, is not to push harder, it's not to manage better, and it's not to find a more efficient way to grind. The answer is to stop treating recovery like a reward and start treating it like a requirement. You need it to function. Your body is not optional equipment, so eat enough, lift, sleep, say no. I literally wrote a whole guide on this. I'll drop it in the comments for you if you want to start there. All right. Next week we're gonna talk about something a lot of midlife women are thinking about but not saying out loud. Reinventing yourself professionally. No, we're not gonna burn down our career, but we are gonna take a look at how to make a bold career move in midlife. Why this may be the right time rather than the wrong one, and how to stop letting fear make the decision for you. You definitely don't want to miss it. Make sure you're subscribed so it lands right in your feed. Have a great week. I'll talk to you next time. And that's a wrap for this week's episode of the Love Your Naked Ass Podcast, the Midlife Rebellion Edition. If you're loving the show, be sure to smash that subscribe button, drop a rating, or leave a review. Because we're not here to tweak the old narrative. We're here to torch it, rewrite it, and make damn sure every woman knows midlife is her time. Don't forget to join me on Substack at Rebel Midlife, where we get raw, real, and a little rebellious about what it means to thrive in this chapter. I'm Kimberly Riggins, signing off with this reminder Midlife isn't a crisis. It's your comeback story. Catch you next time, Rebel.