Raising the 'Good Guys': A Guide to the Women in His Life

Hey Listeners, I’m tackling the awkward one today. I recorded an episode for my son about... wait for it... the female hormone cycle. I know, I’ve never been a teenage boy and I’ve never raised one until now, so I definitely acknowledged the major awkwardness factor right at the start! But honestly, this knowledge is too important for him to ignore if I want to raise an empathetic, compassionate man. 

I’m explaining the "hidden phenomenon" of what’s happening with the mothers, sisters, and teachers in his life. We’re talking about why he should never say “Are you acting crazy because you’re on your period?” and how to actually support the women he cares about when they’re in that "high-alert" Luteal phase. I want him to understand that women aren't "weakened" by their hormones—it’s actually an inherited wisdom that helps our whole community thrive. It’s a bit of a "how-to" on not being that guy. Wish me luck! 

In this episode:

• The Awkward Truth: Acknowledging that while this is an uncomfortable topic, understanding the "hidden phenomenon" of the women in his life is essential for his growth.
• Compassion and Empathy: Why learning about the 28-day cycle helps him build better relationships with his mother, sisters, teachers, and future partners.
• The Luteal Phase From the Outside: What it looks like when a woman’s body enters "protection mode" and why she might need more space or grace.
• What NOT to Say: Why phrases like "Are you on your period?" are hurtful and how they dismiss a woman's biological reality.
• The Support Playbook: Specific scripts he can use to offer help or give space without making things awkward.
• Celebrating Inherited Wisdom: Reiterating that a woman is not "weakened" by her hormones, but is operating with a biological power that serves the whole community

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Keep Em Healthy with Jamie, your go-to classroom for integrative kids' health and wellness. I'm Jamie, a biology professor, an integrative health coach, and most importantly, a mom who's been through it all. When the conventional medical system couldn't provide the answers my own child needed, I took my background in anatomy, physiology, and nutrition and went looking for a better way. Join me as I chat with experts and physicians to help you decode your child's biology and psychology from childhood through young adulthood. If you're ready to stop guessing and start understanding, you're in the right place. Let's keep them healthy together. Hi everybody. And now I'm switching the script. I'm making a guide for the men in my life. So I am raising multiple young men, and there is this hidden, unspoken phenomenon that I know that you guys can't see happening in women all around you. And so I just want to start by directly acknowledge that anytime I'm going to sit down and talk with my teenage boys, anytime I'm going to sit down and talk with my teenage boys, there's just going to be an awkwardness. And the confession of it all is that, and I spoke with someone who I adore dearly, is that number one, I have never raised a teenage boy before, and I've certainly never been one. So when I have these conversations with my kids, especially my sons, I have a little bit of a nervousness because I'm unsure sometimes if what I'm saying truly resonates with them. However, for this conversation, I'm going to be talking about the unspoken superpower of the women in their lives. And I cannot ignore this because, like I said, it is happening all around them. And, you know, I don't want to embarrass them. I don't want to say words that are going to make them want to run away and hide under blankets. But my whole purpose here today is I'm trying to instill compassionate, understanding, loving men. And in order to do this, you have to understand this cycle that is happening in every woman around you. And so I want you to be able to relate to them and understand them. So that means me, your sisters, your future girlfriends, your wives, your teachers, your colleagues. This blueprint for women is biological and it is primal. And it is necessary to keep this population of humans alive. And so my whole point today is to talk about the woman's hormonal cycle. Both men and women have hormonal cycles, but they are different. A man's cycle is within a 24-hour period and it is dominated by the hormone testosterone. A woman's cycle is a 28-day timeline and it is dominated by two hormones. One is called estrogen and one is called progesterone. But before we even get to the phases and the hormones, I want you to understand the primal evolutionary reason for a female cycle. We live in modern times. However, the woman's biology has been genetically programmed and inherited from women since the very beginning. And the whole purpose is for a woman to reproduce so that we can continue the population, right? So a woman's biology was genetically programmed with the inherited wisdom necessary to make sure the community thrives and exists. So even though we live in modern times and women have careers and we don't get married at the age of 12, and that we're not constantly trying to have a child from the beginning of our first menstrual cycle, our inherited wisdom tells us that every month we're going to try to have a baby. So the hormones in our body is directly lined up to help a woman, number one, attract a mate so that she can fertilize an egg to create a baby. And then two, the second half of the month to protect her body and protect the quote unquote baby that should have been conceived. Now, these women in your life, majority of them are not trying to conceive a baby. However, these hormones are still doing their jobs. And because of that, I think it's so important for you to understand that the women's bodies are doing what they're meant to do biologically, and it is a beautiful system that ensures that you even exist. So let's break this down. Like I said, it's a 28-day cycle. So you have four weeks there, and that's keeping it super simple. So the first two weeks is called the follicular phase, which is the phase of which a woman is trying to attract mate. Again, this is the primal, the primal phase where you're trying to attract a mate so that you can fertilize the egg that you will drop at day 14. Once the egg is dropped, and the second half of the cycle is two weeks, and that is called the luteal phase. This phase is where a woman's body is now programmed to protect and conserve energy and to fuel her body for this possible pregnancy. So there's a lot happening. The first two weeks begin with what we call the period. So that is when the woman bleeds, and that's for about five to seven days. And then the second week is when ovulation occurs, which is where an egg is dropped. After that, their lining is building up so that the baby can attach to the uterus and then hopefully have the pregnancy be successful. Now, again, let's circle back. Most women in your life are not trying to conceive a baby. However, the hormones in the luteal and follicular phase are still very much real. The hormone that is responsible for the follicular phase, the first two weeks, is called estrogen. The hormone that is responsible for the second two weeks is called progesterone. Now, one thing I want to tell you about the first two weeks. This is when a woman is going to have her highest energy. She's going to feel very communicative. She's going to want to socialize. She's going to enjoy high impact exercise. And it's a very exciting high-energy time. This is her go mode. The second half, the last two weeks of the cycle before the period begins, the luteal phase, which is the progesterone, this is the protection mode. So we talked about follicular being the go mode. Well, now we have protection mode. So the luteal phase is sometimes what you've probably heard of as PMS, pre-menstrual. And PMS has had a very negative vibe, as in, oh, I think she might be PMSing. Like, is she on her period? That's probably why she's crazy. Has a very negative connotation. However, it's a very important phase in order for you to have even survived. And it's because this is the moment where her body is being programmed to protect the baby. It causes her energy to drop and it makes her very sensitive to her surroundings. Her body is trying to protect and fuel this pregnancy. So, because of that, she is not weakened or crazy. She is doing her job and her hormones are telling her to not be says social, to have to spend more time alone and in quiet time, to think of everything around her as a threat, to make sure that she is hypersensitive to anything in her environment that could possibly harm her or the baby. So that means the times where you're chewing loudly, where she normally doesn't care about that, all of a sudden she wants to rip your head off because you're chewing loudly. It's because she's in the hypersensitive phase. This is called the PMS, the luteal phase. It is meant to be that way. So the other thing is she's going to be hyper threatened by anything that normally could be seen as quote unquote normal. So let's just say you don't respond to her texts quick enough. And all of a sudden she has you guys broken up that you don't care and that this relationship is over. Again, she's hypersensitive to anything that could be a threat to her. So what I want to emphasize here is that when you have a woman around you who is experiencing a lower energy, maybe acting a little more irritable, angry, crying, extra sensitive to her surroundings. This is her body in protection mode. Whether she has a baby or not, this happens every month. And the reality is that this hormone progesterone is going to heighten until the first day of the next period. So that means those two weeks, her body is going to continue these shifts until the break of the hormone progesterone and the period begins. So let me give you some golden rules during this PMA, PMS phase for women. Number one, please do not be the classic stereotype when it comes to communicating to the woman in your life, whether it's your mother, friend, sister, teacher, girlfriend, please don't ever say, are you on your period or something? You're acting crazy. Number one, you're penalizing a woman for a biological change that's happening outside of her control. This is her directly inherited wisdom that is only happening to allow for reproduction to occur. You cannot dismiss that very real thing happening inside her body that is actually meant to protect her and a possible baby. And then at one point was protecting your mom and you. So how can we support and show up for the women? Here's what I want to talk about. I want to talk about reading the room when you know a woman or you maybe are thinking a woman is in her lunar phase and how to approach her. You want to respond with communicating her boundary or needs, like maybe she needs space, rest, or quiet time. So maybe you acknowledge that and you give them space, quiet time. Maybe you don't do the normal poking that you like to do to get their attention, right? We already know that, especially for brothers and sisters, you guys are gonna push each other's button. But instead of escalating a fight, when you notice maybe that her energy is low or she's acting snappy, you can maybe say, like, you know, hey, you seem really drained today. I'm gonna give you some space. Let me know if you need anything. Or this could be super helpful. If you notice that she seems annoyed and she's acting snappy, offer practical help. Be like, hey, do you want me to take the dog out or do her chore today so you can chill? Or if you know that she is saying something that she probably wouldn't say in your mind, you can acknowledge that she's feeling off and that maybe it's a good thing just to set a boundary and talk about whatever you want to talk about another time. The golden rule of responding right now, the ultimate for a response when a woman communicates a boundary or notice you notice that she needs space is to basically be like, I hear you, I understand, take the time you need. Okay. So it's really coming down to understanding that you might not know what day she is in her cycle, but you can read the room and you can kind of tell. Now, you might have someone who does communicate, like me, as you know, I communicate with you. I say I'm having my hormonal day. And it's just really nice to be like, got it, understand, and try to support me by being extra helpful or giving me some space or, you know, not trying to cause a fight when it's unnecessary, things like that. And also, if a woman does communicate that she's not feeling herself and that she just really wants to hang in tonight or she just needs some alone time, it's really brave for a woman to communicate her needs. So, with a simple like, I hear you, you can validate her without questioning it. And that just feels really good as support. So I know we covered a lot, and I know there were some parts that you're probably a little uncomfortable to sit through. But here's the truth: most men go their entire lives without really ever understanding this. They spend their lives confused by the woman they love, or worse, they dismiss them because they don't understand the why behind the behavior. But by taking the time to even listen to this, you're already ahead of the game. This isn't just about period facts, it's about developing emotional intelligence. When you understand that the women in your life are navigating this complex biological primal cycle that affects their energy, their immune system, how they perceive threats, you'll gain a massive advantage in your relationships because then you're not just tolerating a woman's hormones. You're acknowledging a type of inherited wisdom that has allowed humans to continue to thrive for thousands of years. A woman isn't weakened or less reasonable because of her cycle. She is operating within a powerful, protective biological rhythm. But my goal for you as your mom is to raise a man who is so secure and compassionate that he's just a safe harbor for the people he loves. When you choose to respond with an I hear you instead of you're acting crazy, you aren't just being a nice boy. You're being a leader. You've got the tools now, you know the phases, you have the scripts, and you have the understanding. What you need to do now is just use this knowledge to celebrate the women in your life and the incredible power that they carry. I'm so proud to be a mom of young men and to be able to witness their lives as they continue to grow, evolve, and mature. The side note is nobody's gonna be perfect and you're not gonna have perfect interaction with the women in your life. And that's just reality. However, it's so important to educate yourself so that you can try at least to be empathetic and understanding and to be that safe place for the women in your life. Thank you for listening to me, even when it's awkward. I hope everybody enjoyed this episode. I hope it served you and the sons, or even husbands or men in your life. And I hope that we can all live and act in support and empathy and compassion for each other. Have a great rest of your day. Listeners, thanks for hanging out with me in the classroom today. If today's episode sparked a new idea for you, please make sure to click follow on your podcast app so you never miss a conversation. If you know a parent who is currently struggling to find answers, please share this episode with them. You just might be that link to help them on their journey. And finally, if you're a wellness expert or mom with a story to share, email me. I'd love to have you on the show. Until next time, keep them healthy.