Supportive Structure

How do you trust yourself around food without any structure at all? If this question keeps you up at night, you're not alone - it's the most common question people ask me about food freedom.

Are you tired of choosing between rigid meal plans and complete food chaos? Have you tried the "just eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full" approach only to feel more confused because your hunger signals seem completely unreliable? You're about to discover why this happens and what actually works instead.

In this episode, you'll learn about Supportive Structure - the middle path that creates safety without restriction. You'll hear real examples of how this works for food choices, daily routines, and even what to do after a binge. Plus, if you want personalized help creating your own framework that feels like freedom instead of another set of rules, you'll learn about an option that might be perfect for you.

Want personalized help creating your own Supportive Structure? Swift Support Sessions are designed specifically to help you build a framework that works for your unique situation. Two calls plus 14 days of support to design structure that feels like freedom. Click here to learn more.

Missed the first episode? Listen to Who Are You Listening To? for the foundation of learning to trust yourself.

Want to know what to do after a binge to create Supportive Structure for yourself? Click here.

Want to know why you struggle with food and what to do next? Start watching The Food Freedom Mini Series today. 

Transcript

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Are you tired of bouncing back and forth between rigid food rules and complete chaos? You know you don't want restriction, but the idea of zero structure feels terrifying. Today I'm sharing a concept I like to call supportive structure. It's that middle path that helps you make real progress without the extremes, giving you a framework that actually supports your body's wisdom instead of overriding it. Welcome to Binge Eating Breakthrough, the podcast to help you stop feeling out of control around food and build trust with your body. If you've tried everything but still feel stuck, you're not alone. I've been there too. I'm Jane Pilger, and I'm here to help you see binge eating in a new way so you can finally break free. Each week you'll get the tools and insights to create peace with food and your body. Your breakthrough starts now. Hello, trusted listener. I consider you a trusted listener because I trust that you're here, ready to dive deeper into what it means to truly support yourself around food. Now, if you listened to last week's episode about learning to listen to yourself, this episode builds on that foundation with the concept that I introduced in last week's episode called supportive structure. But if you haven't listened to last week's episode yet, not a problem. This episode will give you incredible value on its own. And then you can always go back and explore the episode titled, Who Are You Listening to Afterward to deepen the foundation of what we're going to talk about here. I'll make sure that there's a link to last week's episode in the show notes so you can easily get back to it. But what we're going to dive into today is supportive structure and why it is one of the missing pieces that so many people overlook when trying to heal their relationship with food. So I want to start by talking about what doesn't work. Traditional food structure usually looks like rules. Eat this, not that. Meal times at exactly these hours. Don't eat after this time. Don't eat in the morning until this time of day. Portions measured to the gram. Foods categorized as good or bad, allowed or forbidden. Numbers, macros, calories, uh, points, portions, whatever it is. And this kind of structure can feel safe because it's predictable. Especially if you are a person who eats the same thing. I know these meals have exactly this many macros. These meals have exactly this many calories. If I eat exactly these portions in these amounts, these foods, these are safe for me to eat. There's no guesswork, there's no decisions to make. There's no need to trust yourself. But here's what happens over time. This rigid structure kind of becomes a prison. And your body's natural signals get ignored. I talked about last week, and I've talked about it on many other episodes. Your body is always communicating with you. Always. We've just stopped listening. So as our body has these natural signals that it's sending, we're ignoring them. We might have cravings and then label them as weakness. We might actually feel hunger, but it kind of becomes the enemy. We start doing things to try to avoid the hunger, to try to push it off. And then inevitably, because you're human, you break the rules. Maybe you eat past 6 p.m. Or you have a cookie that wasn't on the plan. Or you eat when you're not supposed to be hungry. And then what happens? The all or nothing thinking kicks in. Sounds like this. I already messed up. I might as well eat everything. I'll start over tomorrow. Let me just get rid of this. Let me just get this out of my system. And so the binge happens. And the shame spiral begins. And then you're back to looking for even stricter rules to prevent it from happening again. Oh, see, I can't trust myself. I can't have these foods. I need to just get them out of the house. I need to just not eat during these times, whatever it is. But you, if you've been listening to me for a while, you've heard me say that binges are a light on the dashboard. They tell us something is going on under the hood. The binge isn't the problem. It's your body's way of rebelling against a system that doesn't honor its needs. We really can look at any binge and look and figure out what was going on, what need wasn't being met. So we have this one end of the extreme with the rules, with the rigidity. But then we have a lot of times people will swing to the opposite extreme. They throw out all structure completely. And maybe it just sounds like I'll just eat intuitively. I'll eat whatever I want whenever I want it. And they know that restriction is one of the primary causes of binge eating. So in the name of not restricting, I'm not going to restrict. I am not going to restrict myself from anything. I am not going to say no to anything. And while intuitive eating is beautiful in theory, in somebody who has been disconnected from their body signals for so long, jumping straight into this idea, this concept of intuitive eating can feel terrifying and overwhelming. It can feel kind of untethering. And some people will, in the name of not restricting, in the name of not dieting, end up eating anytime, anytime they want, anything they think about it. And without any structure at all, there's this decision fatigue. Every food choice is a decision. Should I eat this? Should I not eat this? You might find yourself self-standing in the kitchen, wondering what to eat, when to eat, and how much to eat. And the mental energy required is exhausting. And if you are a person who's driven, who's analytical, this complete lack of structure can also trigger anxiety. You're used to having systems and frameworks that support your success. And complete food chaos does not feel like freedom. It feels like confusion. Now, you might also uh try to follow an approach that says eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full. Now, this sounds nice in concept, but it assumes that your hunger and fullness signals are clear and reliable. And if you have a history of binge eating and you've been disconnected from your body for years and you've been following external rules and restrictions, those signals might be completely scrambled. You might not hunger recognize hunger until you're ravenous. You might not feel fullness until you're uncomfortably full. You might confuse thirst for hunger, stress for hunger, boredom for hunger. And the advice just listen to your body can create even more confusion when your body's communication system needs some repair first. And this is why so many people get frustrated with intuitive eating approaches. They're told to trust their body, but their body's signals feel unreliable or unclear. It's like being told to have a conversation in a language that you don't yet speak fluently. So then it's like, oh, this feels so confusing. I don't want the full, I can see what happens when I am very rigid and restrictive. I can see what that leads to. But if I just give myself permission to eat, then that feels really chaotic and uncomfortable also. What do I do? That's where we introduce supportive structure. And inside my cultivate group program, we've been diving deep into this concept of supportive structure. And it's been such a, it's been such a great exploration. And what we've discovered together has been incredible. We've been exploring supportive structure, not just around food choices, but in all areas of life that impact your relationship with food and your body. Supportive structure is really helpful for your nervous system. It gives you a sense of safety. If you know what's going to happen, you can have a sense of predictability, a bit of a framework. It's very helpful for your nervous system. We also need flexibility. We also need something that feels nourishing. It feels supportive. Key components of supportive structure. And we've been looking at supportive structure for how you start your day. Not rigid morning routines or a checklist of things that you have to do or you're supposed to do. It's flexible frameworks that help you begin each day feeling grounded and connected to yourself. We've explored how you end your day, creating evening practices that support rest and reflection rather than anxiety and food thoughts. We've developed anchor points throughout the day, regular check-ins to help you stay connected to your body's needs, to your emotional state, to the amount of energy you have at any given point. They're not scheduled like appointments, but it's gentle invitations to pause and notice. We've also created supportive structure around food choices, very specifically around food choices. And we've also talked about what does supportive structure look like after a binge? So instead of the shame spiral, the restriction, making up for it, starting over on Monday, we've developed compassionate practical approaches that actually help prevent the next binge so that they know this is what I do after a binge. I have this structure in place that I can go to. I like to think about a supportive structure really as like scaffolding. It helps you. It's supportive, it helps give you strength, it helps provide additional just framework for you. And it's been so fascinating to see what the cultivate members have been noticing, how they're feeling more calm around food, less decision fatigue, and they're starting to build safety and trust and connection with themselves, with their bodies, with their choices. So, what exactly is supportive structure? You might be wondering. It's the middle path. It's structure that supports your body's wisdom rather than overriding it. It's like having a garden trellis for a climbing plant. The structure is there to support the growth, not to restrict it. So here's the key difference. Rigid rules are about control. Supportive structure is about care. Rigid rules say you must eat exactly this at exactly this time. Supportive structure says, What does your body need right now? How can I support that? It invites you to check in. It invites your body into the conversation. Rigid rules are the same for everyone. They're also the same day to day. Supportive structure is personalized to you, your life, your body, your needs, and your supportive structure may look very different from day to day, depending on what your days look like. Rigid rules punish you when you deviate, but supportive structure adapts and flexes with you. So there's four key elements that make structure truly supportive. Flexibility within a framework. This means having a loose structure that can adapt to your actual life. So it's so interesting. I've had several people, whether uh private clients or people who join Cultivate who have been part of other programs. They may have been into treatment before. They may have been part of other online programs to stop binge eating. And what's so fascinating to me is how many of them have really rigid rules, kind of requirements. You have to eat these certain foods. You have to eat at these certain times of day. And the common thing that I see is this kind of rebellion of you're telling me to eat something that either I don't want it to eat, or at times, for example, um, I have somebody who was in a program and they said, you have to have, you know, this many meals, this many snacks. And if you're in and you have to set your timer, you have to set your clock to remind yourself to eat. And if you're in a meeting during that time, you have to pull out your food and eat it. Well, that is very rigid, and that is not a framework. That is not going to give you the ability to adapt and adjust. So it's so interesting, like that flexibility within a framework is important. So instead of having like a very rigid I have to eat at this time, it might be just checking in. I notice I feel best when I eat something within an hour or two of waking up. Or maybe you have time kind of frameworks. Maybe it's in general, I eat breakfast in this window. In this window, I check in to see if I need a snack. In this window, I eat my lunch instead of just going for hours without eating. Maybe there is a I check in this often. Your supportive structure is going to look different than somebody else's. So I want to acknowledge you are likely going to listen to this podcast episode and think, this sounds amazing. And it's also, I feel like I want more. I want more detail. I cannot give you specific detail because it is going to be so personalized and individualized to you. But I will give you some ideas, some things you can think about, and then also some resources if you want to dive deeper into how do you create this for yourself? Okay. So um so within the framework. So the framework is there. Maybe it is the windows of time, but there's flexibility within it. So that's one element: flexibility within a framework. It's body-based rather than it's rule-based. So it uses your body's signals as the guide rather than external rules. So we want to learn to recognize the difference between physical hunger and emotional hunger. Noticing how different foods make you feel, honoring your energy levels and activity needs. Your body is always listening. Your body is responding to everything: your stress levels, your sleep, your activity, your hormones, your emotions. And supportive structure takes all of this into account rather than pretending that your body should respond the same way every single day. So in last week's episode, we talked about who are you listening to? Really learning to check in with your body, listen to your body, really get clear on what is helpful, what is supportive, how do I bring some of this structure into myself, into my day that brings in some predictability, that brings in some nourishment, that brings in this ability to give me the energy I really want for myself. Supportive structure also has self-compassion built in. And rigid rules assume you'll be perfect. And when you're not, often we end up punishing ourselves. Supportive structure knows that you're human. And when you have an off day, you make a choice that doesn't line up with the type of eater you want to be, it offers curiosity and compassion. And this is where we really go and dive into what does that supportive structure look like after a binge? What was happening for me? What did I need in the moment? How can I support myself better next time? I actually have a resource. I'll make sure that it's in the show notes. Um, it's how to what to do after a binge. And if this will kind of guide you through a process that really will help that could be your supportive structure. My supportive structure is I'm gonna pull out that uh that worksheet and I'm gonna see what I can do for myself after a binge. So that can be a part of supportive structure. I'll make sure that's in the show notes. Another key element of supportive structure, connection and not control. So the goal of supportive structure isn't to control your eating, it's to deepen your connection with yourself. It's designed to help you tune in more clearly to your body's wisdom. So let me give you some concrete examples of what this looks like. Meal timing. So instead of rigid meal times, you could do a couple of things that I like, I mentioned previous. So it might be I'm gonna check in every few hours. I'm gonna eat. Uh, when I notice, you know, I here's what I notice about my physical hunger, here's what I'm gonna eat. So you can have a framework of regular check-ins. You also can create some supportive structure around meal timing of windows. Here's the windows of time that I eat certain meals. Here's the windows of time where I kind of check in for snacks. So you could do that. Food choices. So instead of having like good foods, bad foods, forbidden foods, um, it's really about asking yourself the question of I really love when it comes to food choices, I love asking the question, how will this make me feel before, during, and after I eat? Really being very intentional about that and really looking for nourishment and satisfaction. We want nourishment for our bodies, which can be something different for different people on any given day. But we also want to create satisfaction and pleasure and enjoyment. So we can pause, we can ask. We can also have certain supportive structure around food choices. Are there certain things that we want to eat instead of if I just sit down and it's kind of like, well, I just eat anything anytime. Maybe I do have some guidelines, some frameworks of the foods that I choose to eat. Maybe I pair certain foods with other foods because I know that is gonna help overall my satiety. Maybe it's gonna help my blood sugar balance. There's certain things I know that if I combine these things together, if I have this and this, it's just gonna last longer. I'm not going to be as hungry as quickly. Those types of things. You can add that type of supportive structure into your food choices. Uh, emotional eating. So we can also really just check in around having some supportive structure around what you do when you notice you want to eat, but you're not physically hungry. You know there's really something else kind of going on. How do you want to respond to yourself in those moments? So often, so many people have this idea that emotional eating is bad. You shouldn't do it. You should only eat when you're physically hungry. So then, when we have this desire to eat, when there's not physical hunger presence, all we do is just judge ourselves and we think we're bad and we're wrong, and we're in that shame and judgment cycle. So if We can create some supportive structure around how we're going to respond to ourselves in those moments, how we're going to get curious, what we're going to do to respond to that, that can change everything. Because if I start eating and I think I'm doing something bad or wrong, I am going to try to want to get away from myself so that I don't have to hear the shame and the judgment and everything else that comes along with it. You can create supportive structure around social situations. So instead of having like rigid rules of parties and restaurants or places you're afraid to go to, you can have supportive structure around creating intentions before you go, checking in with yourself. There's so many ways for specific social situations. There's so many amazing things you can do to create supportive structure instead of going in either with like, I'm not going to eat anything. I'm going to eat before I go or whatever. And just like, ah, I'm just going to eat it all. Or the the the um the kind of in-between where you end up not eating very much while you're out in a social situation, and then you stop on the way home and eat. Or you eat when you get home because you didn't really allow yourself to eat while you were there. And if you do this and you're like, what? Oh my gosh, other people do that? Yes, all of the time. I can't tell you how many people, myself included, have done that. You go out to eat with friends, you go to a party, you are uh being very, you know, kind of quote unquote good, being a virtuous eater, and then you leave and you eat. You stop on the way home. You eat when you get home. You can give yourself supportive structure around what you do in these situations. After a binge, you can really create supportive structure for what you want to do there. Again, I will link to that um resource for you. And then having daily anchors. You can have daily anchors of just checking in with your body, with your emotional state when you wake up, kind of in the middle of the day and before bed. They're just invitations to connect with yourself and adapt and adjust based on what you notice instead of based on the rules or the thing that you decided for yourself three days ago when you set up a plan. So, how do you start creating your own supportive structure? Step number one, notice your patterns. What are your current eating patterns? When do you typically get hungry? What foods make you feel good? What situations trigger emotional eating? What times of day do you feel most connected to your body? So just notice your patterns. And if you're just starting this whole idea of supportive structure and it all feels like, wow, this feels like a lot and overwhelming, and I'm not really even sure where to start. What you might do is pick a time that you know is a more challenging time with food. And what supportive structure might I be able to put into place around those? If you never have any problems in the morning, then that you may not need supportive structure there. And I also want to say this: it's also very possible a lot of people think, oh, I'm great in the morning, I have no problem in the morning. Evenings are my problem, but it's actually what they're doing in the morning that is creating the evening eating. Whether that is not eating enough, very common to not eat enough during the day and in the morning to then set you up to overeat later. Or if you wake up and you literally get on social media, you start going straight into work. There is no time for you to kind of connect with yourself, create some energy that you want for your day. Like there are a lot of things that people do in the morning that set themselves up for the nighttime eating. So I want you to just know that could be possible for you. Again, every situation is so individual that it's it's hard for me to kind of I'm I recognize I'm giving some generalities, but hopefully there's enough here that you can start to pull some pieces for yourself to figure out where you want to go next. Okay. So then, based on your patterns, what kind of support would be most helpful? Maybe it's check-ins. Maybe it's distinguishing between the different types of hunger. Maybe it's the social situations that what are, what kind of support would be most helpful? What support would be most helpful to me based on what I know are my my most challenging times? And if it is, if challenging if the evening is your most challenging time, then get really curious about what support would I need for myself in order to create a different scenario in the evenings. And then we want to create flexible guidelines. Again, this is a flexible framework. This is not a, I have to do this because if we're not careful, we can turn supportive structure into just another form of rules. And you will know if it's supportive structure versus like rigid rules based on how it feels. One of the things I've really noticed about the cultivate uh folks is they've really been saying, Oh, this feels so different. This feels really helpful. This feels nurturing. This is so different than what I've done before, even with like a morning routine where I've just had this checklist of how I start my day. This idea of this is for me. This is what I need to create what I need for my nervous system, for my energy, for my needs, for my body for the day. So you'll know if you're kind of like accidentally getting your supportive structure, turning it into rules. Uh, you'll know based on how it feels, feels. And then the last step is really building in self-compassion. So sometimes we even have like um a like two different options. Here's here is one supportive structure, and then here's kind of like a backup, almost like a baseline. Because for every guideline, have having a compassionate response ready for when things don't go as planned is really helpful. So we don't get stuck in that black and white thinking that all or nothing, that, oh, well, I blew it, so now I screwed up. I'm a failure. So we really want that self-compassion built in. All right. Now I know you might be listening and thinking that this sounds amazing. I would love to create this for myself, but I have no idea how. I've been following other people's rules for so long that I don't even know where to start. And if that is you and you would like some help in creating what supportive structure could look like for you, I want to let you know about something that I offer. It's called Swift Support Sessions. Now, these are intensive focused sessions designed specifically to help you with whatever current challenge that you're having with food. And I originally created them to provide support after a binge in those moments where it's like, oh my gosh, I need help right now. But you can, I got to thinking about it as I was creating this podcast episode. I was like, this would be a perfect use of Swift support sessions, is using them to create your own personalized supportive structure. So what we do inside the Swift support sessions, it's it's two calls and 14 days of support in between to design the structure that will work for your unique situation. We can look at your specific patterns, your triggers, your needs, and we can create a framework that feels supportive rather than restrictive. Now, one of the things I am very good at is helping people see when somebody tells me, oh, here's what I do, here's what happens. I'm pretty good at seeing, oh, I think right there, that right there is likely setting you up. Oh, I can see how if we put some supportive structure in place here, that would really make a difference for you. I am often able to see what are the little areas that are kind of keeping you stuck. Sometimes we have, we all have blind spots. We can't see what it is that we're doing that is keeping us stuck in that cycle that we would love to get out of. And I am very good at being able to see what other people can't see on their own. So, what we can do in a Swift Support session is go over creating your own supportive structure. Here's how we can do it. I actually, within the Cultivate Group, we've created several um worksheets that I can also provide you within that to help create it for yourself. And we're going to create a framework that feels supportive. This is not me giving you rules to follow, it's helping you discover what your body and your life actually need and then creating gentle structures that support those needs. And two calls plus two weeks of support is exactly the right amount of time to design this kind of personalized structure. It's enough time to kind of go deep and experiment and refine, refine, but we're not going to be doing like big, sweeping, overlasting change, like deep, deep level work. But it is going to be enough for you to create the structure and the framework and the scaffolding that you can then take into your day-to-day life. So if you're someone who wants help developing your own supportive structure, whether it's food, daily routines, post-bench recovery, these sessions might be exactly what you need. So I'll make sure to put the link in the show notes. And if you are not ready for that, take this concept and work on it for yourself. What would, what could supportive structure look like for me? Supportive structure is particularly powerful in binge eating, in really kind of addressing your challenges and your struggles with food, because it addresses the root causes. We're not just trying to control the behavior. It's so often that we turn to food, that we have a binge, an out-of-control moment with food, when we feel deprived physically or emotionally, or when we're disconnected from our bodies, when we're in that kind of nervous system dysregulation, or when we're in that all or nothing mindset. And supportive structure helps prevent this by ensuring that your body is consistently nourished, by keeping you connected to your body signals, by eliminating the all or nothing trap, by building trust with yourself over time, by creating some predictability and some scaffolding that is so powerful for your nervous system. It's not about the food. The food is just the symptom. So supportive structure addresses what's underneath the disconnection, the lack of trust, the nervous system dysregulation, the perfectionism, the attempt to control. And when you are living in supportive structure, food becomes less dramatic. You're not constantly fighting with yourself or feeling out of control. You're not living in fear of your next meal or your next craving. You develop quiet confidence around food. You trust that you can handle whatever comes up. You know you can navigate social situations, emotional challenges, and busy days while staying connected to yourself. And it doesn't mean that you're never going to overeat or you're never going to make choices that don't really line up with the type of eater that you want to be. But when those things happen, you'll know how to respond with curiosity instead of criticism. In a caring, kind way instead of a punishing, judging way. So moving forward, here's what I want you to experiment with. Choose one area of your eating life where you would like to create more supportive structure. So it could be morning routine. It could be how you handle your afternoon snacking, your approach to social eating. It could be if you know that let's say you typically eat lunch and then sometimes lunch just kind of turns into like a two, three, four-hour eating thing. Create some supportive structure for yourself around that post-lunch time. If your time is between coming home from work and dinner, create some supportive structure. What would supportive structure look like there? If it's at night after everybody goes to bed, really think about what would supportive structure looks like. Flexible guideline that supports your body's wisdom and its true needs. Now, then the next thing I want you to do, I want you to just start there and practice. Experiment. After you've been doing this, let's say for a week, then check in. How does this feel different from rigid rules that you've tried in the past? What feels supportive? What needs adjusting? Supportive structure should feel like it's working with you, not against you. And then do you ongoing, you just keep refining and adjusting. Supportive structure is like our bodies, living and breathing. It evolves as you do. What feels like supportive structure today may be different three months from now. So if you keep this idea in mind, keep evolving, keep adjusting, that is the magic. Now, one of my favorite sayings, what you focus on expands. When you focus on control and restriction, that rigidity, it expands and it eventually breaks. But when you focus on connection, care, trust and wisdom expand and develop. You end up developing trust and safety. Supportive structure is about creating safety for yourself. It's not about finding the perfect system and following it forever. It's developing the skill of caring for yourself in a way that honors your body's wisdom and your need for predictability, consistency, and that safety that it's creating for you. So you don't have to choose between rigid control and complete chaos. There's this beautiful middle path where structure supports your freedom instead of limiting it. And I trust that as you experiment with this approach, you will discover what your own body needs to feel truly nourished and cared for. And I trust this will be the foundation for lasting food freedom that you've been seeking. As you practice this idea, this concept of supportive structure, be gentle with yourself. Your body has been waiting for this kind of attention, this kind of support, this kind of scaffolding, this safety that you are creating for yourself. And if you are thinking, this sounds nice, but I need more direction, sign up for a Swift support session. And I will guide you through developing your own supportive structure so that you can create the safety and the trust with yourself, with your body, and with food. That's what I have for you today. We'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to Binge Breakthrough. You can find the show notes and any resources mentioned at binge breakthrough.com. If you like this episode, subscribe to have future episodes delivered to you each Wednesday. And remember, your five star rating and review will help others discover these life changing concepts. See you next week.