Why Rest Feels So Hard

After the marathon, I gave myself more space to recover than ever before - and I still found myself overriding what my body was asking for.

This episode is part two of my 3-part post-race series, and it’s all about the after: the energy drop, the resistance to slowing down, and the uncomfortable truth that even intentional rest sometimes misses the mark.

I’m sharing why rest is hard for so many of us, how I’ve been practicing receiving in a deeper way, and why learning to pause before you crash is one of the most important parts of healing.

Listen to Part 1 of the series here.

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Transcript

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Why is it so hard to rest, even when your body is asking for it? In today's episode, I'm sharing what happened after my recent marathon, how I intentionally made space to recover, but I still found myself pushing past what I truly needed. We're going to talk about why rest can feel threatening, how receiving can be a form of healing, and what all of this has to do with your relationship with food in your body. Welcome to Binge Eating Breakthrough, the podcast to help you stop feeling out of control around food and build trust with your body. If you've tried everything but still feel stuck, you're not alone. I've been there too. I'm Jane Pilger, and I'm here to help you see binge eating in a new way so you can finally break free. Each week you'll get the tools and insights to create peace with food and your body. Your breakthrough starts now. Hello, trusted listener. I consider you a trusted listener because you're learning to build trust with yourself, especially in the quiet, unglamorous parts of healing. That part where nothing big is happening and your only job is to listen to what your body needs. So today we're continuing on this little three-part series that I'm putting together around my recent marathon experience. So in the last episode, I kind of shared the race recap of my recent marathon. And today we're going to move on to what happens after a really big event. It's what happens after that peak moment. We can have this huge moment, and then generally after a peak, comes a trough, a drop in energy. Maybe it's discomfort with things slowing down. And we're also going to talk about the difficulty of letting yourself receive. So that's where we're going today with part two. And next week, we're going to wrap all of this up with part three, really, just the overall aspect of never giving up on a goal that feels really big. So if you haven't listened to the first episode in the series, I highly recommend you do that. I'll put a link in the show notes. You don't need to listen before you listen to this one, but it does give you some nice context in terms of what's been going on and just understanding kind of just the story of the race. So today though, what I really want to talk about is after. What happens after a really big event? Now, whether we're talking about uh a marathon, which was my personal example, this is true for any big event that you anticipate for a really long time, that you're looking forward to, that you're really working towards, that you have a lot of planning and getting ready for. So um, as I'm recording this live, it's May. May is typically has a lot of events that people kind of really plan for, big events. Maybe it's a wedding, maybe it is a graduation, maybe you're moving, maybe it's a big family vacation that you're gonna be taking soon. Any of these really big things where we plan for, we have all the things. The event itself takes a lot of physical energy and emotional energy. Afterwards, there is a literal physical drop. And it's called the adrenaline drop. So that happens. You also have, you have literally expended a lot of mental and physical energy, whether it was vacation, whether it was um some big event, maybe you hosted a big party, whatever it was. There is that kind of after moment. You hear a lot of athletes talking about um the challenges of the moments after the weeks after something really big. Maybe you um win a championship or you win the tournament or whatever the case. So we know that these things happen, but here's what happens for so many people. This just is a natural aspect of it. And often we don't anticipate it. So we don't plan in advance, we don't put all of the planning and the thinking and the forethought into the after as we do into the moments themselves. We kind of just think, oh, as soon as all of this is over, then I'm gonna get back to my normal life. And we kind of expect ourselves to just bounce back right away, to have all of our normal energy, to get right back to our normal routine. If it's something where that thing we were doing uh took us away from our typical kind of our normal routine, the normal things that we do, we might think that, okay, I'm gonna just as soon as I get back, I'm gonna catch up on all of the things that I've done. And we expect that we're gonna have, we're just gonna be kind of full of energy. And that is honestly, it's really just not how our bodies physically are designed to work, but we don't plan in advance. So, a couple of things that we can do here. And I and I want to share my own personal story in terms of this, isn't the first time I've talked about it. If you've been listening to me on the podcast for a while, I've shared about this concept and how what I do, how I plan for kind of the after moment of whether it's a race, whether it's travel, a big trip, really giving myself some space, extra space to recover, knowing that I will be tired, not planning, um, not scheduling every single meeting for the very first day that I get back, giving myself a lot of space, reminding myself, putting on my calendar rest, space, grace, give yourself just time to recover. So all of that is important. And I really did that this time after the marathon. I knew I would be tired. I did not overschedule myself. I really went into the week with a focus on resting and receiving. I set an intention for myself. Every week on Monday, I set an intention for myself. Here is what I want to create for myself this week. Here's what I want to focus on. Here's who I want to be in the world. And last week was my week, the week that I got back. Last week I set the intention to rest and to receive. I put my mind intentionally to work on not expecting too much of myself. And that was powerful. It was helpful, it was better than usual. And still it wasn't, I wasn't truly connected to what my body was actually asking for. So it was kind of like I'm this is where I talked last week in last week's episode about the book, The Gap and the Gain. And I could easily look at the gap from where I am now, how I approached last week to where I really want to be in terms of resting and recovering and really giving myself space and truly listening to my body after a big event. I could look at the gap and say, ooh, I'm not quite there yet. And what I'm choosing to do though is look at the gain. Look at how I am doing things differently. I have never set an intention for an entire week to rest and to receive. I watched myself want to think, okay, I'm not doing that much exercise compared to usual. So I've got all this extra time. I could be doing all of these other things in my business, these other, these new things that I'm working on. Uh, here's a here's a little teaser for you. I'm working on a new video series that I'm really excited about to help give you some additional information about, really understanding why it is that we struggle with food so much. What do we do about that? I'm working on this video series. I am really excited to get it out into the world. And last week I was like, nope, we are not going to add additional things on. We're just gonna do the things we need to do to get through the week, give ourselves space. So it was so great that I did that. And still I found myself not fully, really, fully leaning into rest. So I leaned into the let's not add additional stress, but where I have additional room and space is to there's a difference between not adding more stress and truly resting, taking naps, slowing down, doing nothing. So I did do less. I gave myself space for less. I wasn't expecting a lot from myself, but there's really a shift there from a true, let me check in with my body. What is my body asking for? I knew I didn't have a lot of mental clarity, but it was the physical side that I wasn't fully, fully engaged with. And I did find there were a couple of days where I was maybe eating more food than usual. Not in a like, and not to say that it's bad or that it's wrong, but it's your body is going to get what it needs no matter what. And if you don't give it the physical rest it needs, your body will look for additional food to get that additional energy if you aren't creating that space and that recovery in other ways. So it's really interesting for me to just kind of watch. There will always be a drop after a big event. It's a physiological drop, that adrenaline dump, there will always be an emotional drop too. We have these high highs. There can be lows. There will be a drop, but that drop doesn't have to become a crash. If you think back to think back to your own experience of having a big event, whether it's a wedding, whether it's a party, whether it's a vacation, whatever it is, think about those moments after. Have you experienced a crash where you kind of have the extreme on the other end, where maybe you don't anticipate for yourself what you might need. When you're aware this is coming, we don't get away from when you have something like that. We don't get away from what happens on the other end, but we can navigate it, we can plan for it. Your body will need the recovery, it will need the rest. Your body will speak to you, it will let you know. But this is not just in resting, but we can use this as a perfect example. If you don't listen to what your body is trying to tell you, it will eventually have to raise its voice. Our bodies do speak to us all the time. Your body is constantly talking to you. So the key here is to tune in. What is your body saying? And how can you respond? How can you hear what it's saying and respond to it? So then comes the question: why is it that rest feels so hard? Even when we want it, it's like, oh, I know I'm tired. I know I need rest, but it feels really hard to do. It's very uncomfortable to rest. It is very likely if you are a person who has a hard time resting, a hard time slowing down, I want you to know you are not alone. And this is something that can be shifted. But let's just look at why. Why does rest feel hard? Several reasons. Number one, we have this um the really a shift in our nervous system. So when we have been going, going, going, kind of coming down from intensity, where there's been a large amount of planning and preparing, particularly if you just spend a lot of time in that more activated nervous system space, you're constantly doing, you're constantly planning, you're constantly thinking about the next thing. Your nervous system is kind of acclimated to that space. For some nervous systems, it doesn't feel safe to slow down. There's a fear of what might happen. What might happen if I slow down? So the question for you to ask if you are a person who has a hard time resting, what are you afraid would happen if you slow down? If you gave yourself time and space to rest. Often it's a fear of getting behind. It's a fear of feeling unproductive, feeling like maybe it's not uh you're not worthy. You're only worthy if you are doing or achieving. So sometimes that's the fear behind it. Sometimes there is a fear of um, I'll never get everything done. It kind of goes along with that fear of getting behind. So just ask yourself, get to know what is the fear? What is stopping me from resting? Sometimes it's also we're in this familiar pattern. Just like we have familiar patterns of eating, we also have familiar patterns of doing. It's just very familiar to me to keep just constantly doing. I'm constantly moving, I constantly have to keep going. Sometimes we have a hard time. If there's a lot going on in our heads, like a lot of um maybe uncomfortable thoughts. If we notice when we stop, we slow down, maybe we start ruminating. Maybe we start just thinking all kinds of things. So if I keep myself busy, if I keep going, then I don't have to be with kind of some of those uncomfortable thoughts. That may be another thing that makes it hard for you. So just get curious about it. What is it for me? What am I afraid would happen if I slowed down? If I gave myself time and space to rest and just see what comes up for you. Like I say, awareness is always the first step. We also live in a society that celebrates pushing through, celebrates working, celebrates production, kind of hustle culture, whatever it is. We don't celebrate rest. We don't celebrate pausing and taking a moment. But I invite you to really shift your perspective about rest. Sometimes people think like rest is a reward. I'll rest when I achieve XYZ. I'll rest when I get everything on my to-do list done. I have certainly uh worked with plenty of people who thought that. Like as soon as I get everything on my to-do list done, then I will rest. I'm here to tell you, as a human being, you will never get everything on your to-do list done. Your to-do list is not designed to be a done list, and it's not designed to like end up being in box zero. That's not what a to-do list is for. So then we just want to know rest. Can we shift our perspective that rest is required? Rest is not optional, it is not a nice to have, it is not a I will do this when I achieve something. Rest is required. So in athletics specifically, it's in the moments of recovery and in the moments of rest where we actually gain strength. The stress, the training is what kind of creates it, it creates breakdown. It does break you down a little bit when you lift heavy weights. You get little tears in your muscles. How do those muscles get stronger and bigger? It's when you recover, when you recover through sleep, through um mobility, through stretching, through proper nutrition. Those things build up the muscles to get stronger. It's in the rest where the rebuilding happens, where we grow, where we get stronger. So many people think, oh, I actually get stronger by lifting the weights, by going to the gym, by doing the run or the workout, whatever it is. No, that's actually not where you get stronger. It's where the work happens. But if you don't give yourself sufficient rest, what comes next is injury, depletion, burnout. With rest, you get growth, you get strength, you get closer towards your goals. So we can think about this with food freedom also. When we push, when we force, when we control, that's what leads us to rebellion, leads us to the screw it. I'm just gonna do whatever I want. It's like not allowing ourselves to build the capacity, the capacity to trust, to trust ourselves to make decisions, the capacity to move, the capacity for the next challenge. So just ask yourself where is it that I am not giving myself the rest that my body truly needs? And like I shared earlier, if you are not giving yourself physical rest, you will, as a human being, nobody gets beyond this. As a human being, if you do not give yourself enough physical rest, you will crave more higher calorie, higher kind of quick density foods to give you the energy that you are not kind of repleting, replenishing on your own. Now, here's the other thing. I had mentioned before that my intention last week was to rest and receive. And I, for me, I brought this intention in intentionally, very purposefully. Because here's here's what I know about my own tendency. I have a tendency to set a goal, work really hard towards it, achieve a goal, and then be like, okay, next. What's next? I didn't want to do that with this goal. I knew how hard I had been working towards this goal, how long I had been working towards this goal. And I wanted to receive everything about it. I wanted to receive the encouragement, to receive the experience of having actually reached my goal. So I've been practicing receiving compliments, allowing them to land, noticing how I wanted, I didn't want to dismiss it, which is I can also, again, gap in the game, I can look back and say, wow, in the past, I would have not only been like, okay, what's next, but I probably would have dismissed it. Like, oh yeah, you know, okay, but just but kind of dismissed what really happened. And in this case, I've really been very intentional to receive. Here's the cool thing, the amazing thing about receiving. It asks us to pause, to be in this moment and to stay in the enoughness of what is. When you move immediately to the next thing, you're kind of you're not saying it directly, but you are indirectly telling yourself, yeah, that's not enough because now I want this next thing. Okay, that was nice. And let's move on. We kind of make it not enough. Because now I've I just need to do the next thing. So it allows us to just be with what is, to be in the enoughness of what is. So it was, it's been a very interesting practice, and I am very much still in the moment of this. I had somebody ask me um the other day, like, wow, are you just on cloud nine? Are you just so excited? And I told her, I said, Yes, and yes, I'm so excited. Yes, I'm so grateful. Yes, I am so proud of myself. And I'm also really tired. I'm also really a little like I'm not as mentally clear last week. I'm not as mentally clear as I have been. So yes, I'm excited, and I'm also tired. I'm also experiencing that kind of letdown. I'm also experiencing the wow, my body's been through a lot, really wanting to be very gentle with it. So it is its own practice.

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For you. Here's reflections and invitations for you. The questions where are you resisting rest? Even when your body is asking for it. So we want to ask then the question: what am I afraid will happen if I rest? Then we want to ask the question, what else could be true? So get to know what you're afraid of. I'm afraid I'll never get all everything done. That generally is kind of like a common thought for me. I have too much to do. I don't have time. I don't have time to rest. What are you talking about? Have you seen my to-do list? So then the fear is I'll never get everything done. So then the question becomes, what else could be true? Well, it could be true that if I rest, I will have more energy, more focus, that I actually will be able to get these things done. And I'll be able to get them done in a way that is way more powerful and productive than trying to force myself to do this through fatigue. The output, the outcome will be completely different if I do this from a place of forcing and fatigue than if I do it from a place of rest and rejuvenation. So what am I afraid of? What else could be true? Then we have the question: what would it be look like to build rest in, to proactively plan for rest, not just collapse into it. Here's what I know to be true. When I really started looking back at my own patterns, when do I typically binge? What is really going on here? I could see so clearly. I was not allowing myself to rest. And those moments when I would binge and after a binge were the only times I would actually slow down. I would be on the couch, I would be scrolling the phone. I don't know that I was actually resting. Certainly my body wasn't rested by trying to process all that food, but that's what my body was trying to get. It was like, all right, if you aren't going to slow down, we are going to force you. The only time I would. So now I am building it in and I am still a work in progress. I still have more to learn in what building it in and truly, truly resting looks like. And here's the beauty of the work. Anything we have to work on will continue to reveal it tell itself to us until we work through it. It is a light on the dashboard. It shows us, ah, okay, there's something here for me to look at. And then lastly, where can you practice receiving? Receiving what is, being in this moment, looking for the sufficiency of what is today, not thinking that whatever goal you're working towards is the thing that is going to change everything for you. You change in this moment. This moment right here, right now, is where change happens. It's not in the future, it's not in reaching your goal, it's in who you are today. Today so rest is part of the work. It is required, it's how we get stronger. And receiving, it's part of building trust, not just with other people, but most especially with yourself. Because when we have that trust with ourselves, we can really then go out and use that trust in every other area of our life. All right. That is what I have for you today. This is part two. Next week, we're gonna go into part three, and I'm gonna talk about what it means to never give up on your dream. And we're gonna tie it all into the dream that you likely have, if you are listening to this podcast, that you likely have around food, around your body. So tune in for that. And if this episode resonates, please share it with someone else who struggles to slow down. If rest is hard for you, if you know somebody else in your life who has a hard time resting, please share this podcast with them. All right, if you need help, resting, receiving anything else around the journey with food, with your body, with achieving big goals, please reach out. I would love to support you in any way I can. If you like what you're hearing on the podcast, you will love my new book, The Binge Eating Breakthrough. Why food isn't the problem and what really is. Discover why willpower isn't the answer, why restricting certain foods often backfires, and why understanding your brain and body is the key to lasting change. Learn to shift from shame and self blame to curiosity and compassion. Get it today at janepilger.com forward slash book.