What Happens When You Flip Your Lid?

Last week, I taught a live workshop called “How to Stop Hating Yourself After a Binge”. During the workshop, I delved into some simple yet impactful cognitive science to help you understand the way your brain functions so you can start working in yourself instead of against yourself.

In today's episode, I share the “flip your lid” brain model of how the brain works when it perceives a threat, and one simple strategy to use when that happens. If you've ever “flipped your lid” and wondered what happened, you'll have a clear picture of what takes place in the brain during those moments after this episode.

If you love learning about the brain, understanding your overeating psychology and behavioral patterns with food, and figuring out how to respond to yourself in supportive ways, this episode is for you.

Want to know why you struggle with food and what to do next? Start watching The Food Freedom Mini Series today. 

Transcript

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Welcome to Binge Breakthrough, a podcast designed to help you finally break through the barriers that keep you stuck, feeling out of control around food. I'm Master Certified Coach Jane Hilker, and I want you to know that no matter how long you've been struggling or what you've tried, food freedom is possible. And I'm here to show you how. After years of therapy, eating discord treatment, restrictive diet, and reading all the books, I would still stop in the on-hand-on-the-cycle of restricting thinking and how I was able to see it all from a new perspective that changed everything. Each week I will share the strategies, tools, and mindset that allowed me to overcome my decades-long battle with binge eating. Your journey to body trust starts now. Let's dive in. Hello, trusted listener. Welcome to Binge Breakthrough. I consider you a trusted listener because I trust that you are listening to this podcast for a reason. I trust that you are going to hear something today that is insightful and impactful on your journey with food. So last week I did a virtual event, and this event was called How to Stop Hating Yourself After a Binge. Now, many of you attended and really told me that it was a very helpful event, that I shared a lot of amazing insights that were really helpful on your journey. Now, others of you, maybe you didn't even know about it. So you didn't sign up. Maybe you thought, uh, well, I don't know, that doesn't really sound that interesting. Or maybe you wanted to sign up and you just forgot, or you thought you wouldn't be able to attend. Here's what I want to do for you. I want to talk and just share a little bit one key concept from the event that I think it's so simple, yet it's profound. And if more people could really bring in and integrate this concept, really understand why it's important, it will have such really a big impact on your relationship with food, how you show up with your food, how you show up with yourself, no matter what you are eating, how much you're eating, when you're eating. This idea, this concept, it's very simple. It is kindness. It's the importance of how you speak to yourself, how you respond to yourself, the idea of self-kindness and self-warmth and why it is so important. So a lot of times I love to, I love to understand the brain, I love to understand how the brain works, but I personally don't like to get into all of the details and the complicated names of the various parts of the brain and exactly what they do and why. Some people love this. I just find for me, when I start hearing all of those terms, I kind of just like glaze over. I know that it's important. Um, but for me, it's like, can we just distill it down to the simple, like just tell me, tell it to me like maybe a first grader could understand. So that's the way that I like to talk about and I like to teach about the brain so that everyone can understand. Now, if you want to go and learn more about this and learn, uh kind of dive into the deep end of all of the brain and all of the different parts, go for it. But this should give you at least just enough basic information about the brain so that you can understand how it works, what's going on with your brain, and why it is so important, the way that you respond to yourself is so important. So, one of the things I talk about a lot uh with the brain is we really have the brain is has its number one job is to stay alive. It literally, that is job number one. If the brain senses a threat of any kind, it will absolutely put all of its resources towards its survival. This is great, it's absolutely doing what it is supposed to be doing. Now, here's what's key it's the real or perceived threat. The brain doesn't necessarily know if something actually is a threat or if this is a perceived threat. Either way, to the brain, it's still going to be on alert and activate that survival part of the brain. That's number one job is basically to scan for danger. Are we okay? Am I in danger? If I'm not in danger, then I can bring in these other parts of my brain, can start to work. But the part of my brain that is constantly scanning for danger is the amygdala. This little tiny part in the middle of your brain, the amygdala, constantly scanning for danger. When the amygdala does not sense any danger, then other parts of the brain can come on board. The part specifically that comes online is the prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex is the thinking part of your brain. This is the part that can bring in logic, that can bring in reason, that can maybe help you understand, you know, if I might really want to eat a lot of food right now. But the logical part of my brain, my prefrontal cortex, when it is online, it can also be a part of the conversation and say, yeah, that would be amazing. But if I started to eat all that, then I know what might happen. I might just keep eating, then I might like think I need to eat more, then I might think, oh, well, I already started, I might as well just get rid of it. Oh, now I might as well, you know, like I'm not gonna do this tomorrow. So I might as well eat all of the things. Now I've just got to get get this out of the house. So and I'm not gonna do it again, right? The that's the part I can with my prefrontal cortex, I can think through, uh, that's probably the where this is gonna go. However, if my amygdala is on high alert, it senses threats and it is activated. That logical part of my brain is not going to be able to come on board. It's just not. The amygdala is doing all of the work. It's like we have a problem here, we need to survive. And so I'm taking up, I'm basically going to utilize all of the energy. So there is a guy by the name of Dan Siegel, has an amazing concept. He basically developed like the hand model of the brain. This is a visual that you can use for really understanding how this works. So if you take your hand and you put your thumb of that same hand, put your thumb across your palm on the inside. So it's kind of like you look like um it maybe you're doing the the Boy Scouts uh salute where you've got your your thumb across the inside of your palm and you've got all of your fingers now flipped up to the top. So in this example, my thumb is the amygdala. Now, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna take these hands, my my four fingers that are currently flipped up, and I'm gonna curl them over my thumb. And now I've got a fist, my hand is in a fist with my thumb inside the fist. This is basically like a model of the brain. We have essentially our downstairs brain, according to Dan Siegel. The downstairs brain is kind of like where my wrist, the lower part of my palm is. This is the part that's like, it's it's uh, it's my emotions. It is, this is where kind of the things that um my nervous system, all the various functions of my body, they kind of happen in the lower brain. They just happen automatically. Now I have my upper brain, my upper brain, my fingers here that are over my amygdala, this is my upper brain. The my fingers over my amygdala, this is my prefrontal cortex. This is where I bring in logic. I bring in reasoning, the ability to make decisions and set goals. So when my brain is feeling nice and safe and secure, my prefrontal cortex, my fingers that are over my thumb, my prefrontal cortex is on board. It is able to do its thing. Now, here's what happens. When my amygdala, which is the, I've got a scan for danger, when it senses danger, it lights up and it's like alert, alert. And what happens is this idea of like flipping your lid. Now, we probably all have an experience of either ourselves flipping our lid or being around somebody who's like, oh wow, they have just flipped their lid, right? And so we have this visual. The fingers pop up. When the fingers pop up, now the amygdala is just like alert, alert. It's like, it's now scanning. Danger, danger, danger. The amygdala is taking up all of the energy and all of the resources. The flipped lid, now my prefrontal cortex is offline, which means when somebody does flip their lid, when somebody is like, oh wow, they flip their lid, what's happening is the survival part, they are now in likely fight or flight. Usually when we say somebody's flipped their lid, a lot of times we imagine somebody who's probably in fight energy. They might be really angry. They might start just yelling at somebody. You might just like watch somebody who has flipped their lid and think, wow, they've really flipped their lid. This is exactly what's happening in the brain. The prefrontal cortex, the part of their brain that is able to see, like, you know, if I respond like that, I'm probably not really gonna get what I want out of the situation. That part, that prefrontal cortex, it's offline, flipped up. Only the amygdala, that survival part, is at play. So this happens. This is part of the brain, this is part of survival. We are not going to change the fact that sometimes our lid gets flipped. Now, why does our lid get flipped? It depends. And it really varies based on our own current and particularly our past experiences. Again, this might be real danger, literally, a bus. I might be trying to cross the street and a bus might be coming towards me. My lid might get flipped. It might be actual real danger. It might be perceived danger. I might be walking on the trails and I see a stick that looks like a snake. And all of a sudden, I think that actually is a snake. Now, if I realize very quickly, oh, that's just a piece of wood, I'm calm again, no problem. Now, if I'm somebody who maybe has a lot of fear around food, maybe I think certain foods cause me to, maybe I can't control myself around certain foods. Then when I'm around those foods, my amygdala might get heightened. It might have this perceived threat. And I might flip my lid. So I might, my, my lid might get flipped because of my own perceptions around food. Or it might be that when my lid gets flipped, when I go into that fight or flight mode, then the way that my brain has figured out to get me back to calm and safety is through food. Because here's what we know that we needed. Here's what we know about the brain. This is where bringing the what we talked about in the virtual event, this kind of we're coming back full circle now. What we know is the amygdala is has a sense of threat, real or perceived. It is on high alert. What we want is for that amygdala to be reassured, to calm down. We want to reassure ourselves we're actually not in danger, unless we are in danger. And if we are, then we address that. Number one, primary address. If you are in physical danger, take care of it. Address yourself. Make sure you take care of yourself in whatever way is necessary. That has to be number one. But let's say this is a situation where we have perceived threat, but maybe it's not actually as threatening as our brain thinks it is. What we want to do is calm the amygdala down. And what we can picture, if my lid is flipped, my four fingers are sticking straight up, my lid is flipped. What I want to do is calm my amygdala. I can picture wrapping my amygdala up in almost like I love to imagine it's like wrapping my amygdala up in a blanket, like a mother would soothe or console a child, an infant, a baby. It's like, oh, we just want to wrap them up and let that baby know. Let that child know you're okay. I know this feels really uncomfortable right now. Whatever it is, like I'm here for you. You're you're okay. I'm here. That's what we want to do with our amygdala. We want to wrap our amygdala in warmth and in kindness. This is how we bring down the alert. It's with warmth, with kindness. We want to bring our lid back down. We want to embrace the amygdala and let the amygdala know we are safe. It's okay. The way that we do this is with warmth and with kindness. Somebody gave an example of this visual I loved so much during the event. She was talking about, she said, I want to be the type of person that comes sit next to myself, sits down next to myself and puts my arm around myself in this kind, calm, gentle, loving way. Instead of what I typically do is point the finger at myself. Like I'm used to pointing the finger at myself. You're bad, you're wrong, you shouldn't do this. You know, it's not helpful when you react that way. You know, if you keep eating that way, X, Y, Z is gonna happen. You know better, you should do better. All of these things that we say to ourselves, and we do it like we are just pointing our finger in our face. So with that judgment. Remember, shame and judgment are the number one reason why we binge, why we act the way we do with food sometimes. So we can get out of judgment if we stop pointing the finger at ourselves and telling ourselves all the ways that we have done wrong and bad, and we put our arm around ourselves instead. And we say, help me understand what's going on. What's the matter? What do you need? I know this feels really hard. I know it feels really scary. We actually are safe. We're not in danger right now. Let me show you the ways. We want to bring that warmth and that kindness. So this is the one very simple key I want to bring to you is this visual of the amygdala inside your brain. The amygdala is the part that is scanning for danger. Alert, alert. If it if it doesn't see anything dangerous, real or perceived, that prefrontal cortex, that logical part, that part that knows exactly what you want, who you want to become, makes those decisions, can understand, can experiment, can learn, can be aware, all of that is available. But when the amygdala senses danger and you flip your lid, what you need most is for that danger. Number one, what you need most is really to get out of danger. So if you are in danger, take care of that. If you are not in danger, then we want to be very gentle with ourselves and understand oh, my amygdala thinks there's danger, even if there's not. Think about how different it could be different it could be. Your own experience of like, come on, like, don't be silly. How many of us have thought, I know I shouldn't think this way? I know this shouldn't be so hard, but it is. I know I shouldn't be afraid to go to that party. I shouldn't be afraid to go to a place that has a buffet. I shouldn't be afraid to go out to eat. But you are. Now we don't have to stay there. We don't have to stay in fear. We don't have to avoid the buffets and avoid all of the things that keep our life small. Like I talked about a couple of episodes ago. We don't, that does not have to be the answer. But what we want to do is assure ourselves to bring in warmth, to bring in kindness, to calm that amygdala down so that you can see and know and understand. Yes, you might feel afraid. The fear you feel is real, even if the danger is not. And when you can bring warmth and kindness in, you can then wrap that amygdala up, wrap it in the blanket. When you do that, the prefrontal cortex comes back on board. Then you have access to everything else that you need. But when that amygdala is on alert and your nervous system is in a survival state, you don't have access. You just don't. So the key here is to recognize, if you can, recognize it when it happens, and then do what you can to reassure yourself to get back into that state. So it's that kindness, the gentleness, the calmness. Now, this sounds simple, it sounds straightforward. If you are somebody who has gone into and flipped your lid a lot without really even knowing or realizing, it's gonna take some time for you to kind of become aware to respond to yourself differently. The keys are going to be not to shame and judge yourself when it happens, but to respond to yourself with kindness and understanding and gentleness. Now, you may not be able to get there on your own. Some people are. This may be enough information. You take this, you repeat it consistently, you will be able to have a change. Other people need some support. They need somebody to do this with them. Other people need an example. I can't get to kindness on my own. That's very possible, especially if you have been living in shame and judgment and self-loathing for a long time. This is where you want to bring in the support of someone else. Absolutely what I do with my clients, my one-on-one clients, my group clients, I bring in that understanding, that compassion, that that gentle voice that can help you see things in a different way. This is what we need. Now you can do it for yourself. What you need is warmth, kindness, wrapping that amygdala in a blanket so that the prefrontal cortex can come online. This is the visual of what's happening with the brain. It is as simple as warmth and kindness. Now, just because it's simple does not mean that it's easy. So be gentle with yourself as you learn this, as you practice, as you experiment. And if you want some guidance and some support as you do this, reach out to me. We can talk about ways that I can support you through this. But know that the warmth and the kindness, picture that amygdala. If you notice your lid is flipped, what can you do to bring yourself to wrap that amygdala in warmth, to bring that sense of safety so that the thinking part of your brain can come online. So you can learn, you can understand, you can move on the various components we talked about last week in what comes after awareness. All right, that's what I have for you this week. I'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to Binge Breakthrough. You can find the show notes and any resources mentioned at bingebreakthrough.com. If you like this episode, subscribe to have future episodes delivered to you each Wednesday. And remember, your five star rating and review will help others discover these life changing concepts. See you next week.