When Things Don’t Go According to Plan

Join me on my journey of courage and resilience at the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. The day didn't end at all how I expected. 

Join me as I explore how unexpected setbacks can become the biggest opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Learn to listen to your body and discover how embracing adversity can ultimately lead to strength and personal empowerment. 

This episode will inspire you to overcome life's challenges and keep moving forward on your own extraordinary journey. If you want personalized guidance and support, or if you want to cultivate a new relationship with yourself and with food, coaching, connection, and change are waiting for you. Find out more at janepilger.com/cultivate.

Want to know why you struggle with food and what to do next? Start watching The Food Freedom Mini Series today. 

Transcript

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Welcome to Binge Breakthrough, a podcast designed to help you finally break through the barriers that keep you stuck, feeling out of control about food. I'm Master Certified Coach Jane Hoker, and I want you to know that no matter how long you've been struggling or what you've tried, food freedom is possible. And I'm here to show you that. After years of therapy, eating corporate treatments, restrictive diet, and reading all the books, I will still stop in the audience complicated cycle of restricting thinking of how I was able to see it all from a new perspective of age after. Each week I will share the strategies, tools, and mindset that allowed me to overcome my decades-long battle with binge eating. Your journey to body trust starts now. Let's dive in. Hello, trusted listener. Welcome to Binge Breakthrough. I consider you a trusted listener because I trust that you are listening to this podcast for a reason. I trust that you are going to hear something today that will be insightful and impactful in your own personal journey. Now, if you've been listening for a while, you know that I recently competed in the Iron Man World Championships in Kona on October 14th. This is a triathlon that takes place each year. It's a 2.4 mile swim, followed by a 112-mile bike and a 26.2 mile run. This is an event that you have to qualify for. Basically, you have the fastest women in the world all competing in this place at this one time. And over the past several episodes, I shared with you my journey to becoming an athlete, the role of food in my journey, and achieving this goal that I never thought would be possible of qualifying for the Iron Man World Championships. So today, what I thought I would do is share some of the key takeaways from my time in Kona and what I learned that I'm taking home with me in a way that will also give you insights, takeaways, and perspectives that you can apply to your own personal journey. Overall, the trip was amazing. My intentions going in were connection, joy, adventure, and courage. But I will tell you that the trip ended in a way that I could not have expected. I would not have ever dreamed or imagined. And I will get to it as I tell you the story, but you will want to stay tuned in because it does not have an amazing, wonderful, happy ending, but there's so much to learn. So we arrived on Sunday afternoon. The race was on Saturday, the following Saturday. So we had almost a full week to get settled, to make sure everything was working well, the bike was working well, to do some touristy things, and also to rest and take plenty of naps. So on Wednesday, I had a bike ride that was scheduled, followed by a short run. And I was gonna do this first thing in the morning, get out, and get it done. The roads in town where we were staying, they're not really very conducive for riding in town. So we drove out of town a little ways and we went to a part of the bike course and we were gonna ride from there. Now, fortunately, my friend and I drove separate cars because my plans were about to get disrupted. So we go out, we're on the bike, and less than three minutes into the bike ride, I'm riding along. The sun had just come up. So there wasn't a lot of variation in terms of the overall light. It was plenty light to be riding your bike, but there wasn't a lot of variation where you could see little things on the road. And I'm riding along, and all of a sudden, I see a rock in the road. It was a little piece of lava in the road that looked exactly the same color as the as the pavement until right before I got to it. And I thought, oh man, that's a rock. And I right as I hit it and hit it, blew my tire, got a flat, was able to stop, um, get off the bike. But I was, I was, I was really pretty, um, I was pretty shaken up when it happened. And um fortunately though, I was I took a look at it. There was a pretty big hole in my tire, and I wasn't able to just change the tube and repair it and get back on. So I was gonna have to go back and essentially I was gonna need to get a new, a new tire. But um, I called my husband, let him know what was going on, and I walked back. I walked myself back to the car, feeling so grateful that it was not very um, it that I wasn't very far away from the car. So I walked back with my bike shoes on. All along, seeing all of these people who were asking if I was okay, if I needed anything, was really very um, I was very grateful for other people and their uh, you know, their their offering of help. Initially, though, when it happened, I was very disappointed. It was like, uh, this isn't the plan. This isn't the way this morning was supposed to go. I started thinking about all of the ways that this was a problem, that this was gonna make the rest of the day so much harder. And then I realized, you know what? This is a great opportunity to practice adapting and adjusting. During an Iron Man, it is very rare that everything goes according to plan. There is just too much involved in the event for something to happen that you might not expect or want. There will be something often that will happen that you don't expect or that you don't want. Iron Man is a very physical sport, but it is also very mental. So the ability to adapt and adjust when things don't go according to plan is so important. It's crucial to stay calm, to assess the situation, and to see what you can do while still making forward progress. So I reminded myself I had all day to figure this out. I could get my workouts done later in the day once the bike was taken care of. I walked my bike back to the car, and I was feeling so grateful that it happened so early in the ride and that my walk in my bike shoes was short. I appreciated the kind words from the other cyclists on the road. I drove home, I ate a second breakfast, knowing I would be getting on the road later than anticipated, and I didn't want to get too hungry. And my husband and I, we arrived at the bike store right at 9 a.m. when they opened with many other triathletes in line. We bought a new tire, my husband replaced it in the parking lot and drove me back out to the highway to start my ride. So he was going to, so I could get back on the road, he was going to stay at a coffee shop while I did my workout. So I got on my bike, I had a great ride, and on the way back from my ride, I came upon two ladies who had just crashed. They had been riding their bikes and they had crashed. They were on the ground. Both bikes were on the ground. One woman was standing, she had just stood up, she was kind of moving her arm around in a circle, and the other was still sitting on the ground. And I stopped and I sat down, I put my bike off to the side, I sat down next to the woman on the ground. And both of these women, they were a bit stunned. They had sustained minor injuries that didn't need an ambulance, but they were not in a position to get back on their bikes and just start going again. But what was so amazing was that Todd was just down the road at the coffee shop. So I called him, he came to pick them up, and he brought them back to their cars so that they could assess if they needed any further medical attention. He was also able to give their bikes a quick once-over to let them know that their bikes also did not sustain any significant injuries. My husband is a little bit of a bike mechanic, which is an amazing uh benefit for me and for others. So one of these lazy ladies ended up getting 10 stitches in her elbow, and the other had some pretty significant bruising, but they both went on to finish the race. For one of them, it was her first Kona experience at the World Championships. And the other woman just happened to be the ultra-running legend, Pam Reed, who completed her 60th Iron Man and her 10th World Championships in Kona on Saturday. I had no idea I was talking to such a legend until I went home and looked her up on Google. Now, I shared this story because during my ride, I had already been thinking about how great it was that I was able to shift, to adapt, and adjust after the issue that I had with my bike first thing in the morning. Had I not gone out later, I wouldn't have been able to assist Pam and Karen. I'm sure someone else would have helped them, but it felt like that was where I was meant to be at that time. I was also be a I was able to be out on the bike a little bit later in the day when there was a little more heat and a little more wind, which would also prove to be really helpful on race day. All right, now let's fast forward to Saturday, race day. It was magical and heartbreaking all in one day. So this was the very first year that the women had their own Iron Man World Championships. All of the 2000 plus athletes on that day were women. The men had raced several weeks prior in Nice, France, and this was just going to be a day for the women. It was so incredible to be a part of this historic event. There is just something different about the energy and the overall race course when it's all women. It's hard to describe, but it was very easy to feel. The swim was great. I love the swim in general, and swimming in the clear blue ocean waters is incredible. You can see some of the fish underneath. You can very clearly see people in front of you, feet in front of you. The temperature, the water temperature was lovely, 79 degrees. I started in the last wave, and I thought it was going to be really challenging to swim through many other slower swimmers, but it wasn't really an issue. It was pretty crowded in the beginning. We had over 300 people in my age group. So it was pretty packed to begin with, but after a while it spread out and I had a lovely swim. I got out of the water in approximately the same time as last year. And the most fun part about my entire swim was I looked over at the very end and I saw the kit, the top of my girlfriend who started 10 minutes before I did. We had talked about how amazing it would be if we finished together based upon our approximate estimated finish times. And sure enough, it happened. We got some great photos together coming out of the water with huge smiles on our faces. And then we saw another friend in the transition tent, and spirits were high. So went out onto the bike, and overall, the bike really went pretty well. Last year, when I did this race, during the second half of the bike, I really struggled with the heat and taking in enough nutrition. And I worked a lot over this past year, particularly in this last probably four months, on my nutrition plan. And I decided I was going to let my body be my guide rather than to try to hit any specific numbers or paces. I wasn't really specifically trying to hit a certain number of watts or a certain um really anything. I was really going to let my body be the guide. There were a lot of people out on the course, especially on the bike course. And at times it felt pretty crowded, but there weren't any large packs like happened sometimes. It was just a lot of women out there. So I got to the turnaround at Javi, feeling much better than last year. And overall, I was having a great time. I was in really good mental spirits. And on the way back in, my stomach wasn't feeling all that great. I was limited a little bit in what I could take in, but I was really trying to take in as much water as possible and get in calories and electrolytes when I could. So I finished the bike 15 minutes faster than last year. And I was in good spirits. As I came in towards the end, I was passing quite a few people who I could tell were were feeling pretty rough towards the end of the bike. And I just, I knew exactly what they were feeling because it is what I experienced last year. Last year, those last 25, 30 miles were so challenging. And as I passed some of these people, I thought, oh, I know exactly how you are feeling. And I felt really great that I had really managed my overall effort to feel still pretty good at the end. So then it's time for the run. So I do my transition, I head out on the run, and at this point, it was hot. My legs felt okay, but my system, overall, my system and my body was feeling pretty cooked. Now, initially, my plan was only to walk through the eight stations, but that plan went by the wayside after the first mile. So I decided I was gonna walk some and run some, but overall, I was maintaining about a 12 minute per mile pace. And I thought, you know, if I can keep that going for the entire marathon, that will be great. Now my stomach wasn't clearing very well. I was taking nutrition in, but my stomach was really starting to hurt. I was adapting and adjusting. I was thinking about the strategies and solutions that I had worked on leading up to the event as I was working on my nutrition. One thing that was really interesting for me on the run this year was just how different it was from last year. So the places where I was struggling on the run this year were places where last year I was feeling great. And the opposite was true. There were some places where this year I was feeling great, and I could remember, oh man, I remember being in such a dark place on this stretch last year. So it was fascinating for me to really think about how it's not any specific part of the course that is hard. It's your own internal experience of it on any given day. The other thing I noticed is I wasn't upset that I didn't feel great or that I was walking some. I was really meeting myself where I was, checking in to see what I could do, adjusting or changing, and really just keeping this attitude of what can I do? What can I adjust? What can I change to keep moving forward? There's a, they come up with a theme each year that that is a Hawaiian word to kind of encapsulate the theme for the event. And the theme this year for this world championship event was holomua. And the holomua means move forward, keep moving forward. And I kept thinking about this in my mind. Keep moving forward. Actually, I saw a friend on the course and I yelled out to her, holomua, keep moving forward. Now, around mile 13, I was about halfway through, I was starting to feel a little bit better. I could tell that I wanted to run more, my legs were coming around, and my stomach seemed to be settling a little bit. The sun was going to be going down soon, and I knew the temperature, the temperature was already starting to drop. And I remembered from last year how much relief the sunset would bring from the high temperatures and that heat of the sun. So I hit the half marathon mark in uh two hours and 34 minutes. And I decided I was gonna negative split the marathon. And negative split means like the second half ends up faster than the first. I was feeling pretty good. I was like, yes, I can do that. This is gonna be great. My friend, the one I saw at the very end of the swim, she passed me on the run. And I was envisioning keeping her in my sights. It was at that very moment that I yelled out, Holomua, keep moving forward, as I was envisioning myself moving forward too. So the sun was beginning to set. And I ran onto this stretch of road that had some pretty uneven surfaces. It was down by the water. It was this out and back section, and there was a good amount of traffic, and there were a lot of volunteers around. It was very close to where the um the special needs station is, where you can get your uh get access to a bag that you place there with some uh, if you have, if you want to put in extra nutrition or that type of thing. So because we were close to that area, there were a lot of volunteers around. So I heard my name, somebody calling out my name, and I looked up to see who it was. And at that moment, I hit an uneven patch of ground on the road and I rolled my ankle and I fell to the ground with my arms splayed out in front of me, was basically like a Superman move. And I knew right away that I was in pain. I was in tears, partially from the shock, partially from having zero emotional or physical reserves left, and partially from the pain in my right ankle. So several people came around to attend to me. A few people helped me up, and I decided I wanted to try to walk it off. So I kept going. I tried to run, but I quickly determined it was too painful to run. I was not going to be able to run. So I was walking. And as I was walking, I was checking in with myself. Could I keep going? Did I need to stop? What was my body telling me? And as I was checking in, I determined I needed to stop. My it hurt too bad. So as I came to the next aid station, it was about a mile after my fall. I had been checking in, I was in pain, I was in tears, I was really focusing. I get to the next aid station and I tell them I need medical. I had fallen, I was in pain, and I couldn't continue. So the man at the aid station was uh who's was talking to me. He told me he says, I'm in charge of the run and I'm also a paramedic. And I was like, great, that's amazing. And so he pokes at my ankle in a couple of places and tells me, Oh, it's just a mild sprain. So then he goes on to tell me his own story of persevering during a race after an ankle sprain. And he asked if I really wanted to stop. And I thought, you know, maybe I can keep going. And so I did. So I kept walking. And a while after that, another friend caught up to me and she talked to me. She prayed with me, she encouraged me, she was asking me questions about, you know, was letting her know, like I'm still trying to decide if I should keep going. And as I was talking to her, I could feel my nervous system relaxing and calming down with her by my side and just talking to her. So I decided I can go, I can keep going, I can continue on. So she ran ahead and I kept walking. I was in a lot of pain and I kept walking. And I started doing the math and I realized I, in order to finish, I would be walking for at least two more hours. And I just could not fathom doing that. I pictured myself getting to the finish line, and there wasn't even any pride in pushing myself to that point. So at the next aid station, which was at mile 19 and a half, so it was approximately four miles after my fall. I called it quits. They called medical, I borrowed a volunteer's phone, and I called my husband. Unfortunately, he answered right away and I just burst into tears. I was so overcome with emotion, disappointment, sadness, grief, and so much pain. They transported me to the medical tent, which was an impressively large operation with a lot of business, mostly people suffering from heat or hydration-related ailments. They ended up sending us to a hospital an hour away to have to have x-rays, where it was confirmed that I have a non-displaced distal fibula fracture. So if you are not in the medical know, basically on my right ankle, the your your fibula, you've got two bones in your foot, your tibia and your fibula. Your fibula is the one on the outside. Distal fibula means the, it's essentially my ankle bone. So on the outside, my right ankle bone, I've got a fracture in it. And non-displaced means it's all in um, it's it will, it should heal on its own. When it's displaced, it's the the bone is um, it's kind of like it, it's out of place, which means they're at that point, they need to do something to come in and intervene in order to get it to heal in the right place. So here's what I discovered. It is so good that I did not keep going. Because I also have some other ligament damage on the inside of my foot. With that ligament damage and the fracture on the outside, it is very possible that had I kept walking, it would have become displaced, which would have required surgery and possibly a flight to Honolulu to have it done. So I was so glad. I mean, I was not glad that it happened, but I was so glad that I had finally stopped. It was a long night between the medical tent, driving to the hospital, being in the hospital, driving back home. We ended up arriving back at our condo around 2:30 in the morning, where I was hungry and in desperate need of a shower. Now, here's something that was amazing. Our condo was ADA accessible. We had thought it was kind of a bit awkward, really, earlier in the week as we dealt with an open shower and with a seat in it during the week, but we we just made do. It was fine. But I was so grateful for that seat and the grab bars in the shower as I showered at 2:30 in the morning. We went to sleep around 3:30 a.m., nearly 24 hours after I had woken up for the race that morning. It was not the ending that I had dreamed of or even imagined would be possible. It's so interesting because I do often envision and imagine a lot of potential obstacles. What could go wrong? What would I do if this happens? Then what will I do? It's so important to do that. So we know how we will adjust. But I never even imagined that this might happen. This might have happened. Now that I'm a week out, I'm recording this one week to the day of race day. I've had some time to reflect on it. So here are my takeaways. My intentions for this trip, the overall trip, were connection, joy, adventure, and courage. And I absolutely lived each of these at various points throughout the week. My goals for the race itself were to listen to my body and let it guide me and also to have no regrets. And I can fully say that I did both of these as well. What's fascinating to me is that my body told me when it had enough. My body made it clear: no, we don't want to go on. But I allowed someone outside of me to question what my body was telling me. I thought, he's a paramedic. Maybe he knows better. Maybe it's not that bad. So I overrode what my body was telling me and I kept going. Some people have been impressed that I walked four miles on a broken foot, but I'm not so sure that is something to be celebrated. Now, I am so glad that I made the decision that I did, and I don't have any regrets at all. And I appreciate the people who wanted to make sure that I was making a decision that I wanted and that was right for me, because it is a huge decision not to finish a race like this. But at what cost? This is one day of my life, one very important day. But I will live the rest of my life in this body, which will hopefully be many more decades. This is the only body I have to live in, and I want to take the best care of it I possibly can. I don't want to make a decision for one day that will have longer-term negative consequences that will be with me for a long time. I'm already living that from my decades of disordered eating. I have osteoporosis from so much restricting over the years. And I can imagine that likely had an impact on this fracture. But here's what I know: my body and your body will always tell you when it has had enough. Enough of anything, enough food, enough exercise, enough of a conversation, enough sitting, enough work, enough TV. The list goes on. Your body will tell you when it has had enough. But the challenge is we don't listen. The body is always communicating with us, but we've taught ourselves not to listen, to ignore its signals, or to push through when it is asking for something else. And endurance sport in endurance sports, there is a line to figure out what is your body telling you? What is your mind telling you? And are you truly capable of more? But I do believe we can learn to tune into the frequency of our body to get to know how it communicates with us and how to discern what is coming from the body and what is coming from the mind. We can discern our body's true know and our body's signal of enough and begin to honor it more and more. We will constantly receive external messages that will encourage us to ignore our bodies. External messages telling us what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat. I like to think of it like a radio station. Tune into the frequency of your body. What is your body trying to tell you? How does it communicate with you? What does it want you to know? So now I'm on a healing journey. I'm in a walking boot and I will be non-weight bearing for several weeks, followed by several more weeks in the boot. I've heard estimates of anywhere from eight to 12 weeks to recover. And it's my driving foot. So no driving for a long time. I am determined to heal from this and come back stronger. I know that I can use this obstacle as an opportunity for growth. Resilience is one of my core values, and this is a huge opportunity to continue to grow and cultivate my resilience. This is not what I wanted, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But it happened. I could hate it, resist it, wish things were different, and be frustrated at all that I can't do right now and how this is so different from what I expected. But that would only increase my pain and suffering. So I choose to accept it. This is what is. I'm going to make the most of it. I'm figuring out how to navigate around the house with crutches. I got a hands-free crutch device for some more mobility around the house. I contacted my physical therapist the day after I got home to see what exercises I can do to maintain some strength and mobility while my current options for movement are very limited in this initial healing phase. I'm also looking for joy, finding moments of humor and laughter, and finding so much gratitude for my husband and close friends who are taking on some additional tasks that I simply can't do at the moment. I'm also dedicated to listening to my body and honoring what it is asking for. I'm tuning in to that frequency on the radio. Right now, my body is asking for a lot of sleep and rest. This will be a powerful time of healing, recovery, and restoration so I can rebuild and ultimately get back to the sport that I love. I don't know if I will return to Kona, but I trust that I will know if and when that time comes. I have no doubt there will be plenty of other exciting adventures to come. I'm signed up for the Eugene Marathon at the end of April 2024. I signed up months ago. So in my mind, that is going to be my comeback from this injury. This is the vision I am holding for myself as my bumps, breaks, and bruises heal up and make room to come back stronger. All right, that's what I have for you today. I hope you found something here that inspires you and that you can apply to your own journey. I'll see you next week. Thank you for listening to Binge Breakthrough. If you would like personalized guidance, insight, and support to implement the tools, skills, and concepts you are learning on this podcast, I have just what you need. Cultivate an entirely new relationship with yourself and with people. Alongside other women who know and understand your struggles. Coaching, connection, and change are waiting for you. Spots are limited, so sign up today. Find out more at janecal.com forward slash cultivate.