I Want to Eat Whatever I Want, Whenever I Want

Today, I want to talk about a sentence I hear a lot: I want to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I think it means different things to different people. No matter how you interpret this sentence, I trust that this episode will be eye-opening and provide you with some perspectives and some questions you may not have considered before. 

Remember, we want to increase our awareness. You can't change what you aren't aware of and judgment will always keep you stuck in the cycle. So stay open, stay curious, and let's dive in!Here are some takeaways from this episode:

If you can just get curious about what the following key questions mean to you, you will open up a lot for yourself:

What do I really want when I think of fixing my relationship with food? If I could somehow erase all of the outside influences that have told me how to behave and what to do, what would I choose for myself?

In what ways are my food wants overlooking other wants I have in life?

In what ways might what I want for myself as it relates to food be rooted in fantasy and not reality?

You get to decide what a good relationship with food looks like for you. Yes, it can get complicated by society, the messages we have received, our own nervous systems, our emotional capacity, and more, but you really do have a choice.

If you want to know the primary reason you feel out of control around food sometimes take this quiz to find out why, and get 3 steps you can take today to begin to change. 

Define Your Food Freedom Workshop

Have you ever defined what food freedom actually means for YOU? Knowing what you don't want isn't enough. It's important to know what you are working towards and to make sure that your definition is supporting you, not sabotaging you. 

Join me live October 5th - Save your spot.

Want to know why you struggle with food and what to do next? Start watching The Food Freedom Mini Series today. 

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Binge Breakthrough, a podcast designed to help you finally break through the barriers that keep you stuck, feeling out of control about food. I'm Master Circle Coach Jane Poker, and I want you to know that no matter how long you've been struggling or what you've tried, food freedom is all the effective. Each week I will share the strategies, tools, and mindset that allowed me to overcome my decades-long battle with binge feeding. Your journey to body trust starts now. Let's dive in. Hello, trusted listener. Welcome to Binge Breakthrough. I consider you a trusted listener because I trust that you are here for a reason. I trust that you are going to hear something today that is going to be insightful and impactful on your journey with food. So let's dive in. Today I want to talk about a sentence that I hear people use a lot. And I really think that it means different things for different people. So no matter how you interpret this sentence, I trust that this episode will be eye-opening and just might also provide you with some perspectives and some questions that you may not have considered before. I want to invite you to be open and curious to what you are about to hear in this episode. It might be tempting to judge yourself or to even decide in advance what you think about the topic. But both of these approaches will limit what you are able to take away and apply for yourself. Now remember, we want to increase our awareness. You can't change what you aren't aware of. And judgment will always keep you stuck in the cycle. Oftentimes, when we're in judgment, awareness isn't even possible. So stay open, stay curious, and let's dive in. The sentence that I want to explore today is I want to eat whatever I want whenever I want. Have you ever said or thought this sentence? Chances are that you have. And chances are that if I got five people in a room together and I asked each of them what they mean when they say these words, I would get five different answers. Now, some of these answers might be somewhat the same, but others would be completely different. So I'm not here to interpret this sentence for you or to tell you there is only one way to look at it, but I am here to help you get curious about this sentence for yourself. So before we go any further, I'd love for you to answer the question. What does it mean to you to eat whatever you want whenever you want?

SPEAKER_00 3:32

What would that look like? What would you be eating? And when? How would you be eating? How would you decide when to eat and when to stop? Would there be any thought to it at all?

SPEAKER_01 3:49

I invite you to get really clear on what this would look like for you. Picture this in your mind. When you say the sentence, I want to eat whatever I want whenever I want, what does that look like? Now, this is not a test, there is no right or wrong answer here, but whatever you are picturing right now is going to give you a great indication of how you are interpreting the sentence and what it means to you. So do you have a clear picture in your mind? Maybe in your mental picture, you're eating the donuts in the break room every time they show up. Maybe you're eating an entire cheesecake or an entire pizza. Maybe you're going to a buffet and you're eating multiple plates of food until you simply can't eat anymore. Maybe you're eating food anytime you see something that looks good. Maybe you're going to a holiday party and you're eating all of the dishes, all of the desserts, regardless of how you feel. Maybe you're completely checking out with food. It's either in front of the TV, you're driving around, or you're at your favorite restaurant or bakery. Maybe your mental picture involves you being in a different sized body and eating in a certain way that may be very different from how you eat now. Or maybe you're in a different sized body and you're eating the same way that you eat right now. Perhaps your mental picture involves you eating dessert or a certain meal because you really enjoy that food. You're easily able to make a choice, get a lot of satisfaction from it, and then stop eating when you've had enough. Or maybe your mental picture is something completely different than the various possibilities I've described here. Again, I want to be really clear. There is no right or wrong, but get a clear picture of what you think it looks like to eat whatever you want whenever you want. Okay, I have another question for you. If you ate that way, what would be different from how you are eating now? So if you are not currently eating whatever you want, whenever you want, what would eating in that way give you that you don't have now? Let this answer come to you. Maybe even spend some time journaling about this. You might even consider pausing this podcast right now to think about it, see what comes up for you. What would eating in that way, if you're not currently eating whatever you want, whenever you want, what would eating in that way give you that you don't have now? This answer can be very revealing. Maybe you would get to eat foods that you love, that you currently don't allow yourself to eat. This could indicate you might have restriction at play. If you think it would allow you to check out and not have to deal with life, this could be an indication you could use some work on your emotional capacity. If you're afraid you would gain weight, this could reveal you're trying to control yourself, your weight, and your body size. Here's another question for you. How are you deciding what to eat and how to eat right now? If you aren't currently eating how or what you want, it's really good to know why. So I find there are often three reasons why someone isn't eating the way that they want to. Number one reason, they're confused. This makes so much sense. We get so many mixed messages about what to eat, what not to eat, and why. For any of us who have been dealing with food struggles for years or even decades, the trends change over time, which make it even more confusing. The foods that were taboo and bad and wrong several years ago, they come back and then all of a sudden, no, you these are the good foods, these are the foods you're supposed to eat. It's incredibly confusing. I have so many clients who, at least when they start our work together, they don't even know what they like. They make their choices about what to eat based on a Franken diet that's a combination of all of the things that they've learned, read, and heard over the years. The only consistent message that we get is that our body should be smaller and that thinner is better. Now, we are also starting to get messages that fat isn't bad and that you can be healthy at any size. Now, I agree, health can occur at a variety of sizes. But I also find that sometimes, not always, but sometimes, the health at any size movement can get misconstrued to mean that you can just eat anytime you think something sounds tasty without taking anything else into consideration about your decision. So here are two powerful questions that you can ask yourself. What do I really want when it comes to food? If I could somehow erase all of the outside influences that have told me how to behave and what to do, what would I choose for myself? These are such powerful questions that you can ask yourself. Okay, so that's the first reason that I find that often people aren't eating the way they want to. Number one, they're confused. The second reason that I find that people aren't eating the way that they want to is they're looking at their wants as it relates to food, they're looking at them in isolation. So here's a here's another great question that you can ask yourself regarding this particular reason. You can ask yourself, in what ways are my food wants overlooking other wants that I have in my life? Or said another way, what other wants do I have in life that might be in conflict with my food wants? So, for example, if you want to eat donuts for breakfast every morning, this might conflict with wanting to have steady energy throughout the day for focused work and productivity. If you want to eat an entire cheesecake, this might conflict with your desire to have consistent bowel function. If you want to regularly go to the buffet and eat as much as you can until you're certain you got your money's worth, this might conflict with your desire to be able to wear anything in your closet at any time. There are no right or wrong wants, only what feels true and desirable to you. But I encourage you to get clear about all of it. If you are holding multiple desires that conflict with each other, you just might be setting yourself up for a no-win situation. So get clear on all of your desires and then ask yourself this powerful question. How can I make decisions that will honor all of these desires? Are there certain times and certain things I'm willing to sacrifice in service of my desires? If so, what might that look like that still allows me to go after what I want? Said another way. Am I trying to look at this through a black and white or all or nothing lens? Is it possible there might be some middle ground that allows space for multiple wants? Many people who struggle with binge eating, with feeling out of control around food sometimes, often have a pattern of black and white thinking, all or nothing thinking. So they think I either have to eat none of the things, or I'm going to eat all of them. There's not a lot of space in between. And I find that we do this for ourselves when we're looking at our wants, thinking about our food wants and our other wants. We think one has to be completely at sacrifice to the other. There is absolutely an answer and a scenario there that allows you to go after and pursue all of the wants that you have. Yes, there will need to be some choices made. There will need to be some sacrifices made. But when you look at all of your wants, all of your desires together, you can much easier see that rather than thinking it has to be black and white, all or nothing. So here's an example. If I want to be able to go to a party and eat anything I want, but I also want to feel good physically and emotionally before I eat, while I'm eating, and after I'm done eating. That is also a want in my life. So I bring all of those wants with me to the party. Do I eat everything there? No, because then I wouldn't feel good. But I give myself permission to eat anything I want. While also taking into consideration how I want to feel before, during, and after the experience. So I have a very recent example of this. I recently went to a neighborhood potluck. Now, in the past, here's what I would have done with a potluck. I would have eaten beforehand. I would have eaten before I went. I would have brought something to the party. Probably I might have brought something healthy so I could healthy, quote unquote, healthy. Um, so I could eat it if I wanted to, but I probably would have just eaten before, not eaten anything there, basically not even given myself permission to eat there. And I would have paid a lot of attention to the food, to what was there, to what other people were eating, to what I really wanted to eat, to what looked good. That's what it would have looked like before. What it looks like for me now is um I did, in thinking about what do I want to bring, I did want to make sure that I brought something that I would enjoy eating. So I did. I also, I was very hungry before we went. And I even thought to myself, gosh, do I want to eat beforehand? What if there's not food that I like there? I thought, no, I'm gonna just gonna go. I'm gonna show up. I trust myself to find something. And if I don't find exactly what I want, it's fine. I'll take care of myself. I really trusted myself. I trusted the situation. So we went to the potluck, and there were quite a few things there that I just don't particularly enjoy. One of my wants is I do not want to eat food I do not like. There's just, I don't want to. So there was plenty of food there that I didn't particularly care for. There was also food there that I knew that if I ate it, I would not feel good physically. So I also don't want to eat food that makes me feel yucky physically. But there were several things that I could eat, and I did. I ate several things there over time, went back, had I didn't really pay attention. In the past, I also would have said, I can only, if I do eat, I'm only gonna go once. I can't go back and eat more food. And I really just checked in. I went back a couple of times, I got some more things, and I was actually reflecting on it. I think I had three different desserts. I think I had a cookie, a lemon bar, and a um, and some like uh homemade, it was a cobbler or a crisp, something like that, with some fruit that was picked straight from a neighbor's tree. And I was thinking about this to myself. Wow, in the past, I would have had zero desserts, but I would have been looking at it. I would have looked at those lemon bars and just thought, oh man, I love lemon bars. Those look so good. I would have been looking to see what other people were eating, but I would not have eaten them for myself. If I did allow myself to eat something, and maybe I would have eaten one, I would have been very conscious about what I thought other people might be thinking about. And as I was really reflecting on this before this podcast, I realized, huh, the first time I went and got dessert, I got a cookie and a lemon bar. And then I went back later and I got more crisp. And I never thought, once, I never thought about what other people might be thinking about what I was eating. Never once. I also wasn't paying attention to what other people were eating. This was so different for me. When we left the potluck, I was actually still hungry. I came home and I ate a little bit more. Was there other food at the potluck I could have eaten? Yes, but I would not have enjoyed it or I would not have felt good. Yes, I could have eaten more crisp and more lemon bars and more cookies, but I also would not have felt good. So I came home and I ate more food. I was eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. But it was all done from this place of connection, being connected with myself, being connected with my own hunger and my desires, being connected with the people at the party. It was such a different experience for me. Okay, that's the second reason. So the second reason people might not be eating the way that they want to is that they're looking at their food wants in isolation from their other wants. And the third reason is that they have fantastical thinking. So I notice that some people have this idea of how they want to be as it relates to food that is in total conflict with reality. So, for example, someone might think, I want to be able to eat an entire cheesecake and not feel tired, not have any digestive issues, and not want to do it again, not want to eat cheesecake again later. Someone else might think, I want to be able to regularly eat burgers and fries all the time, but also be able to see my abs. Someone else might think, I want to eat donuts every morning for breakfast and have stable blood sugar. Now, maybe they're thinking they want their body to weigh to look a way that it has never looked before, or that they want it to behave in a way or to be a certain size that it hasn't been for many years. Or maybe they just think they don't want to have to deal with their emotions or with any other people. They just want to check out. It's kind of like thinking, you know, I'd love to have kids, but I don't want them to cry. And I definitely don't want to have to change a single diaper. Or I want to be able to throw my computer through the window when I'm upset, but I still want it to work functionally the next day when I need to get back to work. Or I want to sleep until noon every day, but I have a job with a boss who expects me to be there at 8 a.m. If this is you, if this resonates with you, that, oh gosh, you know what? What I really want, think I want for myself is not really in line with reality. This is another way you are setting yourself up for a no-win situation. You are a human being with a human body. You have emotions, you have a nervous system, and the food that you eat will have an impact on how you feel. I encourage you to really sit back and let yourself be human. So get curious and ask yourself this question. In what ways might what I want for myself as it relates to food, in what ways might what I want for myself as it relates to food rooted in fantasy but not reality? Is what I want for myself rooted in fantasy and not reality? In what ways? This might also show up in what you expect yourself to be able to do as it relates to food. Are you expecting yourself to be able to adhere to super strict rules or restrictions? Ones that maybe in the past you quote unquote used to be able to handle. And now, when you even think about it or first start to try, you find yourself eating out of control or eating in secret. Or maybe you've swung completely the other way. And you think that you're just gonna eat anything anytime you think it sounds like a good idea, with the thought that you'll magically someday get tired of eating that way. And then when you just gain a lot of weight and feel really tired, you think the only answer is to go back to restriction. So many people are on this pendulum right now. They're either expecting themselves to completely restrict everything, or they are thinking, I'm just gonna eat cookies all day, any day. If you can just get curious about these key questions, you will open up a lot for yourself. What do I really want when it comes to food? If I could somehow erase all of the outside influences that have told me how to behave and what to do, what would I choose for myself? In what ways are my food wants overlooking other wants in my life? In what ways might what I want for myself as it relates to food be rooted in fantasy and not reality? Okay, I've given you a lot to take in and digest here. You might want to listen to this a few times. Get out your journal. Get curious about what you truly want for yourself and where you might be setting yourself up for a no-win situation. For me, I really do eat whatever I want whenever I want. But I also keep in mind all of the wants I have in life. I think they all have a place, and there is a beautiful, full, and satisfying life where food can play a rich part while also being a source of connection, nourishment, pleasure, and more. You get to decide the relationship you want to have with food. Yes, it can get complicated by society, the messages we've received, our own nervous systems, our emotional capacity, and more. This one podcast is not the magical answer, and there are a lot of pieces to the puzzle with food, but this one is huge. Okay, one last note for you. I encourage you to take all of this in while you are in a state where you have access to your logical thinking brain. If you are listening to this and you know that you're in an activated state, or maybe you're feeling some really intense feelings, maybe you're feeling shame and judgment, your brain might not be in a place to really be open and curious about this topic. And that's okay. Come back to this episode when you are in more of a state where you can get curious, where you feel like your thinking brain might be back on board and you'd like to consider a different story for yourself. From that state of mind, this podcast can be a powerful resource for you to truly figure out what you want for yourself. That's what I have for you today. I'll see you next week. Thank you for listening to Binge Breakthrough. If you want to understand why you feel out of control with food sometimes, I've created just the thing for you. Discover the number one reason why and get three things you can do today. Visit binge breakthrough.com forward slash quiz, and you'll have your answer and your next step within minutes. That's binge breakthrough.com forward slash quiz.