Getting to Know the Part That Wants to Binge

Does it ever feel like there are multiple versions of you? Like you have a part of yourself that really wants to eat in a way that is nourishing or feels good in your body, and then you have a part of you that doesn't care in the moment and wants to escape into food?

Have you found yourself in the middle of a binge telling yourself that you will feel terrible later or you will regret this, but at that moment, you don't care? That part of you that wants to binge is way louder and way more convincing than the part that knows there will be consequences to this behavior.

There is nothing wrong with you. We all have different parts. I am not a licensed therapist or an expert in this field. This is not medical advice. If it feels like you experience something more extreme as it relates to your experience of yourself showing up in different ways sometimes, please seek professional guidance and support.

In this episode, we talk about this topic because any of us who binge or struggle with feeling out of control around food sometimes have a part of us that wants to binge, even while there is another part that doesn't. You are not alone. This is normal.

Here are a few takeaways from this episode:

• Think about when you started binging or feeling out of control around food. What do you suppose you needed at that time? 
• We think that if we just put that part of us in the closet and try to pretend it doesn't exist that it will just go away. But that's not how it works. We must bring it out of the closet and get curious about it.
• Learn how to stop fighting with the part of you that binges. Bring awareness to it by taking it out of the closet, getting curious about it, understanding it, and seeing how you can address its needs in a way that is more honoring and nourishing for yourself - both physically and emotionally.

Learn how to find ways to honor and nourish yourself and all its parts-even if those are parts of you that you want to hide from.

Want to know why you struggle with food and what to do next? Start watching The Food Freedom Mini Series today. 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Binge Breakfast. Finally break through the barriers. Keep you stuck. Feeling out of control. I'm Master by Coach Jane Helker. And I want you to know that no matter how long you've been struggling, what you've tried, boom freedom is I'm here to cycle. And we all cycle. Each week I will share the strategies, tools, and mindset that allowed me to overcome my decades-long battle with binge being. Your journey to body trust starts now. Let's dive in. Hello, trusted listener. Welcome to Binge Breakthrough. I consider you a trusted listener because I trust that you are listening to this podcast for a reason, that you are going to hear something today that is going to provide some insight, maybe some new awareness or a new perspective that you haven't heard before. So, does it ever feel like there are multiple versions of you? Like you have one part of yourself that really wants to eat in a way that's nourishing or feels good in your body. And then you have another part of you that just doesn't care in the moment and wants to escape into food? Have you found yourself in the middle of a binge, telling yourself you're going to feel terrible later? Or you're going to regret this, but in that moment you just don't care. That part of you that wants to binge is way louder and way more convincing than the part that knows there will be consequences to this behavior. I'm going to assume the answer is yes, because I have never talked to another human being who didn't feel like they had multiple parts or different types or versions of themselves that show up sometimes. Now, if this concept is new to you, or if you thought you were the only one who had different versions of themselves or different parts, I'm here to tell you it's totally normal. There is nothing wrong with you. We all have different parts. Now, when I talk about different parts, this is different from dissociative identity disorder, where a person truly experiences multiple parts of themselves in a dissociated way. So in that scenario, a person may have no rection, recollection at all of saying or doing certain things, and they may show up in uniquely different ways that are completely, they're almost like completely separated parts. Now, I am not a licensed therapist. I am not an expert in this field. And this is not medical advice. But if it if it feels like you experiencing something more extreme as it relates to your experiencing of yourself showing up in different ways sometimes, and by more extreme, I mean, does it feel like you truly do have multiple parts? Like maybe you don't even remember. Like this can show up in um like somebody doing something that they don't even remember, like having zero recollection of or being very separated. When I'm talking about kind of like there's this part of you that wants to binge, and there's this part of you that doesn't want to binge, both of those parts are really showing up in the same experience. They're just kind of they're both there. One may be louder than the other, but they're generally both there and present. So if you do feel like this is a more you experience something more extreme or maybe a little different than what I'm talking about, I do encourage you to seek professional guidance and support. But I want to talk about this topic because many of us that binge or struggle with feeling out of control around food sometimes have a part of us that wants to binge, even while there is another part that doesn't. And we can learn a lot by getting to know this part of us. So what usually happens is that we want that part to go away. The part that wants to binge, the part that feels like they need to binge, that there is no other option. We don't want that part to be a part of our experience at all. So we exile it. We have a lot of shame and judgment that this part is connected to us. And the way I visualize it is that we put this part into the closet and we try to pretend it doesn't exist. It's like we just shove it off, put it in the closet. No, that is not a part of me. I am too ashamed. We just want to separate from it. But what I've come to understand is that this part is here for a reason. And this is why I do find it helpful to understand why you started binging or feeling out of control around food in the first place. This often gives us a lot of information regarding what this part needed at that time and what it might continue to need today. So if you want to learn about more about this concept of understanding why you started and why you haven't stopped yet, be sure to check out episode three of this podcast. Now, as I've shared in my story, my binging started as a result of restrictive dieting, in addition to being away at college for the first time, experiencing big emotions I wasn't capable of dealing with, and also being away from my primary attachments, those relationships that I was attached to. And I discovered that binging was a way to get the caloric density my body needed, and it became a way for me to deal with unprocessed emotion and to create some sort of connection when I wasn't feeling connected. So think about this for yourself. Think about when you started binging or feeling out of control around food. If you can remember, what do you suppose you needed at that time? What did the part of you that discovered binging as a solution need? What benefit was that part receiving? When binging happens, particularly when it starts, it is there for a very good reason. It's obviously often it is for a protective reason. So I find that most people started binging, secret eating, hiding food, as a result, either of sustained restrictive eating or as a result of trauma, as a method to disconnect from their physical or emotional experiences. And in both cases, that eating becomes a truly protective mechanism. Now, it doesn't mean that it is fully protective in all ways, but it does serve a purpose. It serves a very beneficial purpose. So let's fast forward in time. We've just been thinking about when it first started, what might have been going on for you. But now let's fast forward and think about the last time that it happened, the last time you binged or you felt out of control around food. Bring it to your mind. If you could see this experience with food as a protective mechanism from the part of you that needed to binge in that moment, what do you suppose that part was protecting you from? What did that part really need? It might have needed rest, but maybe it needed to voice something. It needed to communicate something in some way. We often end up using food when we feel like we can't use our voices for some reason. I can remember often thinking, I'll show them while I was binging. It was almost like I was eating at the person that I was frustrated with, even though they would never know it or feel it. When I had decided for whatever reason that I could not tell them, I could not voice my frustrations, I used the food to be that voice. Maybe that part of you needed protection from feeling big or intense emotions. If you don't have very much or a very large emotional capacity, big emotions can feel unsafe. And when I talk about emotional capacity, that is your capacity to be with any emotion. And if you want to hear more about that, you can check out episode number eight of this podcast. Maybe this part just needed rest. Or maybe the nervous system was overwhelmed for a variety of reasons. Expanding on last week's episode, many highly sensitive people get themselves to a place where they are overly stimulated, and a binge might serve as a relief or an escape from what feels like too much in the moment. Isn't it interesting to see how we can respond to too much stimulus in our environment with too much food? Here is what is important to notice about all of this. We can't get to the curiosity that is required to understand the part of us that needed to binge and to try to figure out what that part really needed, if we are in shame and judgment about what we're doing with food. If the shame and judgment exists over the behavior, we can't access the curiosity. If we default to thinking that we're wrong, we're bad or disgusting every time we binge or we eat or we hide food, we won't be able to tune into that part and see how we can attune to it and take care of it. When we put that part of us in the closet, we can't access the communication and the understanding that is needed to address the real underlying needs. Remember, I've talked about before, a binge is like the signal on the dashboard. It tells us there's something going on under the hood. If we get so upset with ourselves or for that part of us that needed to binge in that moment, that wanted to binge in that moment, that didn't want to stop. If we get so upset with that part, we don't have access to look under the hood to see what was going on. When I get curious about the part of me that sometimes has needed to binge, it's generally one of two parts. Sometimes it's a very young and tender part. I can picture myself as a young girl. I actually have my a memory of myself as a young child hiding in the pantry, eating brown sugar with a spoon. I'm pretty sure that I used sugar as a form of comfort and attachment from a very young age, when I didn't get that need met in other ways. So I can see sometimes now when there is that young, tender part who is looking for attachment, who is looking for comfort, when there is that desire to turn towards food. Other times, the part of me that would binge would be more like the rebellious teenager. So she would show up more when I was like eating at somebody, like I was describing before, or when I had more intense emotions, like anger and frustration. Or if I felt like someone was telling me what to do, that rebellious, like, don't tell me what to do. The other thing that was really interesting for me to notice was the difference in the types of food that I would eat during a binge. That would vary based upon what I needed at the time. So, for example, if I was in that more kind of tender, younger part of me that was looking for comfort, uh the foods I would gravitate to would be more like baked goods, like cakes, cookies, maybe candy. But when I was angry or frustrated, it was more of that rebellious teenager part. It would be things with more texture, chips, maybe popcorn, dry cereal, where that crunch could like mimic the intensity of the emotion that I was feeling. So, what about for you? What do you notice about the foods that you typically go for? Often, these are the foods that we restrict or we limit ourselves in some way. But get curious about this. Do you go for different foods depending upon the underlying emotion or what else is going on for you in that moment? If you are feeling a particular emotion or you are trying to perhaps create a particular emotion, when you turn to these foods, does the food that you are turning to differ based upon what you're feeling, what you're trying to avoid feeling, or even what you're trying to create, what feeling you're trying to create? So as you start to get curious about this part of you that binges, that overeats, that hides food sometimes, you can also get curious about how they might like to be spoken to. So for me, if it's the small child, I can think about how a small child reacts best, reacts more favorably when they are spoken to. Then I can think about how I might usually talk to myself during a bench. So if I'm usually saying things like, you're gonna feel terrible later, you shouldn't be eating that. You're not hungry. Why are you eating anyway? You've already blown it. If I'm saying things like that, I know that a small child would not respond well to that. What would a small child do if they were talked to in that way? They would likely run away. They would likely get the impression that they were bad, they were wrong. They would probably take some food with them and try to lock the door so that they don't get in trouble, but keep eating. And isn't that exactly what happens during a binge? It's like we run away, lock the door, and basically kind of eat behind our own back while there's that voice of judgment saying, don't do this, you're gonna feel terrible, you're not even hungry, you shouldn't be doing this, you've already blown it. It's that judgmental voice that is going to send that small child running off and trying to eat in secret, trying to eat before they get caught. That's what happens. Now, here's the other thing to remember about a small child. They're also not likely to respond to logical reasoning at times. They may need some loving limits. They may need a warm, resonant response that might sound something like, I know you really want to keep eating right now, but I also know that what you really need is a nap. Let's go lie down for a little bit and see how you feel in a while. We can come back here, but let's take care of what you really need. You will feel so much better. The relief you are looking for isn't here. Now, the child may still not want to stop eating, but they will know they are loved in the process. What about the rebellious teenager? We all know the teenager does not want to be told what to do. But the teenager does have a bit more room for logic and reasoning than a small child. A teenager also wants to feel empowered to choose their own response and to be responsible. So this conversation might sound like you can choose to stop eating at any time. You may not choose to, and that's okay. Either answer is fine, but let's uncover why we are choosing to eat. What do you think the food is doing for you? Is it helping? What might it take to be willing to choose to stop? Curiosity will go a long way with a teenager, especially if you give them space to have a response and you don't judge them for their answer. Remember, if someone is exiled in the closet, we don't have the ability to communicate with them. I know you don't want to binge, you don't want to feel out of control around food sometimes, but it's here for a reason. Your binges have messages for you. If you can accept that there is a part of you that wants to binge sometimes and get curious about who that part is and what they need, you can learn so much from it. We think that if we just put that part in the closet and try to pretend it doesn't exist, it will just go away. But that's not how it works. We need to bring it out of the closet, get curious about it, understand what it needs, and work to address those needs. You just might find out that part is very sensitive or has a lot of wisdom and insight for you about how you are approaching your life. The more you are willing to get in touch with that part and to honor that part, the less it will need to act out through a binge. That part has needs. If you address those needs in other ways, the binging will no longer be necessary. You don't have to fight with this part forever, but you do need to bring it out of the closet to get curious about it, understand it, and see how you can address its needs in a way that is more honoring and nourishing for yourself, both physically and emotionally. So get curious, get to know that part. After a binge, get out your journal. Ask yourself what that part who needed to binge needed in that moment. What message does it have for you? If you can set aside the shame and the judgment and approach yourself with curiosity and compassion, a whole new world of discovery will open up for you. That's what I have for you today. I'll see you next week. Thank you for listening to Binge Breakthrough. If you would like personalized guidance, insight, and support to implement the tools, skills, and concepts you are learning on this podcast, I have just what you need. Cultivate an entirely new relationship with yourself and with groups. Alongside other women who know and understand your struggles. Coaching, connection, and change are waiting for you. Spots are limited today. Find out more at janepoker.com forward slash.