Signals, Not Setbacks: What Binges Really Mean

In this episode, we completely reframe what it means when you have an out-of-control moment with food. Instead of seeing binges as failures or proof that you're broken, discover why they're actually signals - lights on your dashboard telling you something needs attention underneath the surface.

What You'll Discover:

• Why shame and judgment keep you stuck in binge cycles

• The neuroscience behind curiosity vs. self-criticism

• How to use the "dashboard metaphor" to understand your signals

• A simple 3-question framework for responding to binges differently

If you've been caught in cycles of shame after eating episodes, this perspective shift could be the key to finally breaking free and building a peaceful relationship with food.

Just had a binge and wondering what to do? Get your easy-to-follow plan today. janepilger.com/after

Want to know why you struggle with food and what to do next? Start watching The Food Freedom Mini Series today. 

Transcript

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What if I told you that your binges or out-of-control moments with food aren't setbacks at all, but actually signals. Today we are completely reframing what it means when you have an out-of-control moment with food. You're about to discover why seeing binges as information rather than failure is the key to finally breaking free from the cycle. Welcome to Binge Eating Breakthrough, the podcast to help you stop feeling out of control around food and build trust with your body. If you've tried everything but still feel stuck, you're not alone. I've been there too. I'm Jane Pilger and I'm here to help you see binge eating in a new way so you can finally break free. Each week you'll get the tools and insights to create peace with food and your body. Your breakthrough starts now. Hello, trusted listener. I consider you a trusted listener because I trust that you are ready to see your relationship with food through a completely different lens. I trust that you're willing to challenge the stories you've been telling yourself about what it means when you binge or have an out-of-control moment with food. And I trust that you are open to a perspective that just might feel a little unfamiliar at first. So today, we're talking about something that could fundamentally change your entire experience with food. Understanding that binges are signals, not setbacks. And I know this might sound almost too good to be true, especially if you've been living in shame and frustration every time you have an out-of-control moment with food. But here's what I want you to consider. What if everything that you have been taught about binges or everything that you have believed up to now is not entirely true? What if the way that you've been thinking about these moments that you show up with food that you don't really like, what if the very way you've been thinking about it is actually keeping you stuck in the cycle? Wouldn't you want to know another way to get out of the cycle? So I want to start with a metaphor that I use all the time with my clients. And if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you have probably heard me say this before. Binges are a light on the dashboard. They're telling you that something is going on under the hood. Most people think that the binge is the problem, and they focus on the food itself. But the food isn't the problem. We want to look at the light on the dashboard. So think about this for yourself. Think about your car. When a light comes on your dashboard, whether it's the check engine light, the oil light, or the gas light, you don't get angry at your dashboard, do you? You don't shame the car for having the audacity to communicate with you. You don't think that the car is broken or defective because it's giving you information. You understand that the light is simply the car's way of communicating, that something needs attention. The gas light means you need fuel. The oil light means your engine needs lubrication. The check engine light means there's something happening under the hood that requires investigation. Your binges work exactly the same way. They are your body and brain's way of putting a light on the dashboard to tell you that something is happening underneath the surface that needs your attention. But here's what most of us do: we see the binge as the problem. We focus all of our energy on trying to make the light stop coming on rather than getting curious about what the light is trying to tell us. It would be like putting a piece of tape over your check engine light and then driving away, thinking that you've solved the problem. Just like the dashboard of your car has various signals that mean various things, you want to get to know your own signals. They might be emotional signals. Maybe you're feeling overwhelmed, lonely, or anxious. They might be physical signals. Maybe you're actually hungry, overtired, or your blood sugar is unstable. Or they might be situational signals. Maybe you're in an environment that feels stressful, or you've been restricting food, or you're going through a major life transition. The specific signal doesn't matter as much as understanding that it is a signal. And just like you would want to understand what different lights on your car's dashboard mean so you can respond appropriately, you want to get to know your own personal signal so you can address what's actually happening underneath. Now, I know what some of you might be thinking. You might be thinking, Jane, if I start seeing binges as okay or normal, won't I just keep doing it? Won't I lose all motivation motivation to change? Won't I just keep eating? Now, this is a very understandable concern, but it is actually the opposite of what happens. When we approach our binges or out-of-control moments with food, with curiosity instead of judgment, we access a completely different part of our brain. One that has access to new ideas and new solutions. Here's the neuroscience behind this. When you go into shame and judgment after a binge, you are activating your survival brain. This is the part of your brain that's designed to keep you alive, not to help you learn and grow. And when your survival brain is activated, you don't have access to creativity, to problem solving or new perspectives. You are literally stuck in the same patterns because your brain is in protection mode. But when you approach a binge with curiosity, when you ask, what was this trying to tell me? instead of why did I do this again? You activate your prefrontal cortex. This is the part of your brain that can learn, adapt, and come up with new solutions. And this is where growth happens. Think about it this way. Have you ever solved a problem by shaming yourself? Have you ever created lasting change from a place of self-hatred? I'm guessing the answer is no. Shame and judgment keep us stuck. Curiosity and compassion create the conditions for change. Now, here's something else that is really important to understand. Your brain will go to work to find evidence for whatever it believes to be true. So it is crucial that you decide ahead of time what binges mean. Because if you don't consciously decide, your brain has likely already made that determination based on old programming. If you believe that binges mean you're a failure, that you'll never figure this out, and that you're broken, your brain will find evidence to support that belief. You will notice every time you struggle. You'll overlook progress that you're making. You will interpret setbacks as proof that you're hopeless. But if you decide that binges are signals, information from your body and brain about what needs attention, your brain will start looking for evidence of that instead. You'll begin to notice patterns. You'll start seeing connections between your emotional state and your eating. You'll become curious about what your body is trying to communicate. This is the power of neuroplasticity, your brain's ability to form new neural pathways. Every time that you choose curiosity over judgment, every time you choose to see a binge as information rather than failure, you are literally rewiring your brain. You are creating new patterns of thinking and responding. But here's the thing about neuroplasticity: it requires repetition. Just like you wouldn't expect to learn a new language or play an instrument after trying once, you can't expect to rewire decades of shame-based thinking overnight. This is why having a plan for how you will respond to binges and out-of-control moments with food is so important. If you want a more peaceful relationship with food, you have to decide what you will do in those moments when you do have a not so peaceful moment with food. Will you spiral into shame and judgment, which keeps you stuck in old patterns? Or will you see it as a signal and get curious about what it's trying to tell you? When you see a binge as a signal, you have agency. You become the detective of your own experience. You can ask questions like, what was happening right before this? What was I feeling? What had I eaten earlier in the day? What's been going on in my life lately? Was I trying to restrict or control my eating? You start to see patterns. Maybe you notice you tend to binge when you're overwhelmed at work. Maybe you see that it happens when you've been trying to eat perfectly all week. Maybe you realize it occurs when you're feeling lonely or disconnected. Now, these patterns are incredibly valuable information. They're showing you exactly what needs attention in your life. And when you know what needs attention, you can start addressing the root cause instead of just trying to control a symptom. So I'm planning something exciting coming up to help you apply this to your own life. And it's going to be different than anything I've done before. And I will have more details for you soon. But for now, I want to share a framework that can help you start implementing this shift today. So the next time that you have a binge or an out-of-control moment with food, I want you to try this. Instead of immediately going into shame spiral mode, I want you to pause and ask yourself what I call the three powerful questions. But here's before I go into the three powerful questions, I want you to know this about them. You can apply the three powerful questions anytime, not just after you've eaten. Actually, the best time to ask these three powerful questions I'm about to share with you is when you first notice the lights on your dashboard. When you feel that urge, that craving, that desire to eat something, that sense that something feels off, that is the perfect moment to pause and get curious and ask these three powerful questions. First question, what do I notice? This is where you become curious about what was happening or what is happening, depending on whether you're asking these before or after an eating experience. If we're asking after, what emotions were there? What was going on? What thoughts were you having? What was the situation? Question number two, what do I need? So, based on what you notice, what might your body or brain have been asking for? Was it comfort, connection, rest, nourishment, safety? If you're asking this in the moment, what do I need right now? The third powerful question, what's next? Now, if we're talking after, this is not about punishment or restriction or making up for anything. It's about how you can care for yourself moving forward. How can you address what you actually needed in that moment or what you need now? If you're asking this third the three powerful questions in a moment when you're having a challenging moment, when you really want to eat, what's next really helps you choose. You get to decide. So let's go through these three powerful questions again. What do I notice? What do I need? What's next? It is a powerful way for you to tune in to see what's going on, to see what you need and to decide what you are gonna do next. Now, this framework helps you move from shame and judgment into curiosity and self-care. It helps you see the binge or whatever is happening for you as information rather than evidence of failure. Now, I want to be really clear about this whole discussion of binges seeing a binge or your moments with food as a signal. Starting to see them as this does not mean that the binges are just immediately going to stop happening once you start seeing them as signals. Remember, these are deeply ingrained patterns that take time to shift. But what will change is your relationship to them. Instead of feeling like a victim of your own brain and body, you'll start to feel like you're in conversation with them. Now, over the next couple of episodes, over the next couple of weeks, I'm gonna dive even deeper into this concept. We're going to get under the hood. We're going to explore the eight primary reasons why people binge. And I'm going to give you specific tools for decoding your own personal signals. And by the end of these three episodes, you are going to have a completely different understanding of what's happening when you have these moments with food. But it all starts with this fundamental shift: seeing binges as signals, not setbacks. Seeing them as information, not evidence of failure. Seeing them as your body and brain's attempt to communicate with you, not proof that you are broken. Seeing them as lights on the dashboard. Your body is always communicating with you. It is always trying to help you navigate your life in the best way it knows how. And sometimes that communication comes through hunger signals. Sometimes it comes through fatigue. And sometimes it comes through what we call binges. The question isn't how to make the communication stop. The question is, are you willing to listen? So this week, I invite you to practice this new perspective. The next time you have any kind of struggle with food, whether it's a full-on moment of a full-on binge, a moment where you feel out of control, or a moment you just eat more food than you would prefer. Try seeing it as a light on your dashboard. Get curious about what it might be trying to tell you. And remember, awareness is always the first step. We can't change what we aren't aware of. And we can't learn from experiences that we immediately judge and dismiss. Now, if you are having these moments where you find yourself going into shame and judgment after a binge, and you want an easy to follow five-step plan for what to do in those moments after a binge, I invite you to go. I've got a download for you that you can go and find out for yourself. Janepilger.com forward slash after. We'll give you a five-step plan to help you shift from shame and judgment into curiosity. Janepilger.com forward slash after. Now, I want you to remember you are not broken. Your brain is not broken. Your relationship with food is not broken. There are just signals that haven't been decoded yet. And that is exactly what we're going to do together in the coming weeks here on the podcast. I will see you next time when we're going to dive in to the eight primary reasons why people binge and how understanding these and knowing what to do, the real solutions, is going to help you really get under that hood so you can stop the lights from coming on. We'll see you then. If you've been trying to stop binge eating and nothing has worked, there's a reason. I created the binge breakthrough mini series to help you finally understand what's driving your binge eating beneath the surface so that you can actually start changing it. Each video is short, and they're designed to give you the clarity and direction you've been missing. So you can stop feeling stuck and start finding your way out. Start watching them at JaneHoelberg.com forward slash mini. It's jugger.com forward slash mini. M I M I