MVP: How Not To Quit "3 Feet From Gold"

138 - If you’ve ever thought, “I know what to do, so why do I keep slipping back?” this episode is for you. In this replay, Clarenda coaches Wanda through the mindset shift from “it has to be hard” to “it can be simple.” You’ll hear how cognitive dissonance (that tug-of-war between old beliefs and new ones) shows up in weight loss, and how practicing new thought patterns makes the process sustainable.

Inside this episode, you'll learn:
1. Why old patterns feel easier (even when they’re not helping you)
2. Tools to interrupt self-sabotage: thought downloads, future-self, intentional reframes
3. How group coaching provides real-time encouragement and proof that change is possible
4. A new way to view struggle: you may be closer to your “gold” than you realize

“I don’t want it to be complicated and hard, but I want the results. Group coaching is great because I can see the results, so I know it can happen. I’ve got real-life evidence.” ~ Wanda W

✨ Another round of the Feel Light Mind & Body program begins September 22. Join the no-obligation waitlist today to save your spot and start creating lasting results: https://www.clarendasempowerment.com/courses/fl

#ClarendasEmpowermentCoaching #FeelLightMindandBody #podcast #3feetfromgold

You can always find out more at:

https://www.clarendasempowerment.com/

Transcript

0:00

If you've been thinking, I know better yet, I keep returning to my old ways, this is a must listen. You'll resonate with Wanda as I coach her through her belief that it has to be hard. You'll hear her shift when offered a lighter, empowering perspective. Hi, I'm Clarenda, and you are listening to the Feel Light Mind and Body Podcast

created for women like you: 0:22

women who are experiencing success in so many areas of life but are struggling with weight loss, stress, eating, and decreased energy. Losing weight can feel hard, heavy, and restrictive. That's why every week I will be offering you a different perspective, tips, encouragement, and a unique approach so that you can feel lighter in your mind and body rather than feeling deprived, frustrated, or discouraged. What if you could feel free yet in control around food for the rest of your life? What if you could enjoy your experience of losing weight and getting healthier? You absolutely can. You're in the right place. Take this time for yourself and let's dive in. Isn't it interesting and even exciting to learn a simple and lighter way of thinking and being in life? However, there's one problem that we all experience. We have a well-ingrained old pattern of thinking. This established belief system, whether you're aware of it consciously or not, is there in your subconscious mind; you may or may not realize it's really not supporting you now. As you keep listening, be ready for some ahas and stay to the end for a powerful one. You'll understand why even after learning something new that makes perfect sense to you, you continue the two steps forward and one step back pattern. That leads to slowing down your progress or even quitting as discouragement and frustration build up. Wanda, who found me through a Google search and then binge-watched my videos on LinkedIn, agreed at the end of our private session that sharing some of her coaching experience would be valuable to you. She lives on the west coast, but her origins are on the East coast.

We keep it real at 7: 2:12

00 AM her time, 11:00 AM mine. We keep it fun. Today, there are two things I want to preface before you keep listening. One, you'll hear her talk about keto. I coach my clients where they're at and what they're struggling with, or what they wish could be more effective or lasting for them. Keto, plant-based, traditional eating, weight watchers, whatever their past and present experiences for weight loss or in general life coaching, it doesn't matter. I can help. And two, you may have noticed this is rated E for explicit. There's only a couple of words that you might not want children in the room to hear, so pop in those earbuds and don't let that deter you. I want my clients to be able to express themselves authentically without having to go into their heads and edit what's coming out. That way it doesn't block the natural flow and they can receive the help and support that they need. So if you're ready to hear, How Not to Quit Three Feet from Gold, let's jump in for part of our session. I've edited out some examples and other topics to make this consumable in hopefully 30 to 35 minutes or so. Your gold might be weight loss like Wanda's, or it might be feeling happier, less stressed, excelling at work, deeper relationships, finding your purpose or anything else important to you that you haven't been able to attain and then maintain. So take a deep breath in just because you can and open yourself up for an empowering takeaway or two. I'll also add a few thoughts at the end of this recorded session, so don't miss out on one word. Why? Because it might be the word that will fire you up, like Wanda took away as her new word at the end. It's cognitive dissonance. Basically, it's when you have a set of thoughts that's conflicting with what you have previously been thinking. Your previous programming. So what made me think of that in the group coaching last night was when you said, you know, that diet mentality, the old keto way of thinking and how there's a conflict going on in your mind, and that's so normal. And so just being aware of it is what's really important. And it's not like good or bad inherently that you have that. It's just what our brain does. And so once you know that, then you're like, why am I still going back to this? Well, it's what you've practiced and heard for years and years and years. So when you kind of have a term to put with it, you can just say, oh, there's CD again. There's cognitive dissonance again. Okay, let's make a shift for that. Because right now you're also creating a new neural pathway, new mindset with the Feel Light Mind & Body information. So with that, it's not your default mode yet. It's gonna take practice, it's gonna take coaching like this to be able to show you, "This is what your brain's doing, Wanda. This is what's going on." Right. How does that resonate? Uh, yeah, that's how it feels actually. It's like, I know there's a better way, but my brain is just like, "Nope. Gotta do it this way." It's kind of, it feels like it's kind of when you're driving somewhere, but there's a traffic jam. You sit through traffic before you try to find a route around. Yes. You know, it's dumb. Yes. Yeah. One good thing is as you're learning more, as you're practicing, as you're willing to fail forward, as you're willing to go through the discomfort of all the growth that you're doing now, which can even be just pausing and stopping and saying, oh, here's where my old thinking is happening. Let's redirect this."How can I", when you're taking the time to do the thought downloads. Is this serving me? Is this supporting me right now? And how is this self-sabotaging me? As you're willing to do all of that, that's the practice.'Cause we know that just consuming information is not going to do it compared to those of you in the course when you're actually writing it out, doing the exercises or applying it, even talking out loud to yourself if you don't have time. I do that sometimes in the shower. That's kind of your time and you're like, okay, how do I want to show up differently than yesterday? So the good part is as you start to practice that, and if the new  Feel Light Mind & Body way, I like even adding in heart, as you know, your heart way, the more it becomes your default mode, then the cognitive dissonance will be in your favor. Because once that becomes your new pattern of thinking, whenever your brain goes back to offer you an old diet mentality thought that only worked temporarily, you can go, oh, yeah, no, that's not the way it works. Right. I can still have a carb if I want to. I love yams. I can decide when I want to have it and decide how much I want to have it. I can decide to only have it if I'm hungry, I don't have to have it every day. All of those things. I can cook it in the best way, healthiest way possible. Doesn't need to be french fries, like I get to decide all of that. Right. And that also calms that toddler brain who's like, you haven't had any carbs in so long. You know, and then you just go into that more than one serving more than one day, possibly more than one week. Right, right. Yeah. I saw your eyes kind of go, oh, when I said, when it can work in your favor. Yeah. That's to give you hope. Yeah. Exactly. It's just like, oh, wouldn't I like to be in a place where I am doing more of this work and less than doing all that other work. Because like I said, the thing is that the other work, it's not working. It's in my brain. But it doesn't, it's not, it's like, why is that there? It doesn't work. It doesn't work for me. It's not working for me. I keep going back to something that doesn't work. It doesn't work for my, for my brain, for my lifestyle, for my anything. So I'm trying to stay on that. I'm trying to, yeah. I feel like I'm literally trying to stay on that damn highway and it's like, get off of it. Take the slow route if you have to. It's okay. Yes. And the other thing is, it's one thing, all the thinking, like you're going back to that old pattern of thinking, but the most important thing is how you're responding to that pattern of thinking. So that includes judging yourself. Hmm. Right. Watch, when you listen back to this, you'll hear there was a tone to your voice. Which I'm very familiar with myself and it's like, ah, get off of that. You know, get off that highway, get going forward. Yeah. It's a frustration. And yesterday was a good, yesterday was a good session too, around the whole, what were we talking about? The hangover part? Yeah, expectation. Expectation hangover. That was a really good one too 'cause I was like, oh, because now , my mindset is, unless I do something extreme, I'm going to be dealing with this weight loss goal again in January. So I'm like, okay, well I'll just do the extreme now so I don't have to deal with this in January.'Cause my goal is to not have to deal with this in January. So now I have to be like, okay, well just forget what the calendar says. Just go for the, and I'm so scared of, like, for me, when you're talking like my mindset is like what Clarenda is saying is too easy. Mm-hmm. And I think we touched on that yesterday and I'm like, if it's too easy, I won't get the results if I don't make it hard. Like if it's too easy, it's too, there's something wrong with it being easy. Mm-hmm. When do you think you first decided that hard is so much better than easy? Uh, yeah, I don't know. I don't, I don't know. I, I just. Did you see it modelled at home? Yeah, for sure. I mean, I remember my mom, like, I remember my first Weight Watchers meeting with my mom. It was like, we'd like kill ourselves for the week, and then as soon as the meeting was over, we'd run over to Swiss Chalet and have like a massive pig out. Right. So that's sort of my brain is like, oh God, we struggled through that week. Instead of just being like, hey, like why do we, we had to struggle to get the rewards. I think that's a lot of it. Mm. Yeah. That's interesting. Note to self, don't write this down. Just remember, struggle to get the reward is my mindset. Is the old mindset. Right. So start to talk as though from your future self, who's there, who's attained her goal, and just look back and say, yeah, I used to think that way. This is how it wasn't supporting me. I'm choosing to let it go. So you are always staying in that growth mindset instead of the fixed mentality of "It's what I've always done. It gave me a little bit of success. It was temporary, it was hard. Then I got to reward myself, and then I continued the cycle." Yeah. I, I just, I can't, I guess 'cause it goes back to, well I can't see it yet, so I can't do it. Right. So sometimes, well, that's why you have me though. Right. That's why the group, okay. Right. That's why you've watched Donna who, a lot of you were like, "oh wow, Donna" and then you watched her struggle this past week. Yeah. And then last night she's out of it again. You could see by the end she's ready. She's ready to go. Yeah. But we're going to have that. Those are just little obstacles and that's where so many people give up. Right. The other thing, when I was preparing for you today, I was thinking of the Three Feet From Gold. Quitting three feet from gold. You remember that in Napoleon Hills? Yeah. Think and Grow Rich. Yeah.. And so one person gave up just three feet from gold. The good part is, I think it was Darby. I'd have to look it up to be sure, but I think that was his name. He went on to use his learning, his growth from making that mistake, and then he used it to fuel his commitment and his determination to be such an amazing, successful insurance agent. Right. So there's so much value in that story. I just love it. But I think too many of us can quit three feet from gold because discouragement is such a big saboteur, and that's where showing up even, that's why I encourage you all to show up to our individual call like this, or the group one, because even if you're not coached and you hear someone else being coached you're going to be, it's gonna be like, okay, it's like your vitamin for the week and there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. I get my own personal vitamins and if I don't, I feel depleted and I know it. Yeah. So part of that is reminding yourself, not judging yourself because, were you judging Donna last week when she was in her funk? Not at all. Right? No, totally. Totally in awe of what she's been able to accomplish. And you know, I also saw, I think I saw a post somewhere where Donna's got like four kids or something like that. And I was like, oh my God. Like, you know, like I run a life that's very, um, like work is really, really extreme. Like I get that , but then I'm watching like, it's so funny 'cause then that's what I like about the group stuff. You're watching, um, I think it's Alana. Is that Alana? Is that her name? I'm watching her, she's obviously a paramedic and I'm thinking, well, mine's not life and death. Crazy job. Like, I can't even, I can't even imagine being that on all the time. Like, like, so I, I'm watching them and going, well they're doing it. And they're doing it under more stress than I'm even under. Yes. But I can't dismiss how much stress I'm under. I get it. Exactly. It's a lot of responsibility. It's a lot coming at me. Exactly. But it's just like, well, it can be done. So I think about what you say, well what if you can do it? Plus, it's not like because you're under stress, you can't do it. It's like, because you're under stress, you can do it. And then I think about Donna and I'm like, yeah, at least when I come home, when I quote unquote home when I turn off the computer. Mm-hmm. I have no responsibilities. Like, I'm quiet. It's a quiet life. You know, I put on a TV show, I'm in bed, my sleep is mostly good. Um, yeah, like I don't, if I want to go for a walk, no one, I don't have to worry about four kids coming along or whatever. It's just a very interesting notice of, so where's my limitation? Like, where do I keep going back to? So that's what I keep trying to figure out is where's the, where's the data for me? Where's the point of quote unquote failure? And it might be just that, like try to go on the keto mindset versus the just have a piece of yam, just have a piece of watermelon. Just have something light, don't, don't sabotage with food that's quote unquote unplanned. Then I still end up eating the sugar. Sugar's my addiction now. Like, if there's anything that's, that's holding me back, like when I look at my meal plan, I do my 24 hour plan, and then I see where I screwed up or where I'm not getting my results is it's with sugar. Yes. Same. Same for me as well. I mean, sugar is, I don't like to moralize food, but sugar, I think personally it's evil. I feel, I feel like for me, sugar is like, I feel like this is how someone would feel like with an alcohol addiction. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. And 'cause I'm just literally like once it starts to consume it, I'm like, I'll have like, justlet me have have a little tiny bit more. It's like, I'm gonna have that one last drink. Yes. Again, the one last, I better just have one more piece of this, because tomorrow I'm not gonna have it anymore. Right. So it, yeah. It's almost like that scarcity. I, I don't know when I'll have this again. Yeah. Instead of coming back to the  Feel Light Mind & Body way, saying, if I want that I can make the best choice possible, which for me it's fruit. Yeah. Right. So fruit doesn't, yes, it'll raise and add glucose and all of that, but there's so much good quality. And then with having the fiber in it, it doesn't give me the same, it's not concentrated. Now, if I drank juice and I had like six oranges in one glass, that's different. Yeah. But so we get a natural dopamine hit and that's healthy. That's the way we should, that's, that's a good feeling. There's nothing wrong with having pleasure in our food, but it's the over-pleasuring. It's that false boost, that false dump of dopamine or the brain saying, Ooh, that was good. That was a little bit, let's have some more and some more. And then what that triggers is so much self-judgment and self shame, blame, and I think that is where you get closer to quitting. Hmm. The all or nothing mentality. So when you're looking at your plan, I invite you to think about what is almost like a celebratory food for me that's not going to throw me in a spin. Right. My brain gets racy. Like my brain, when I decide I need something, I can't stop it. Mm-hmm. Like I feel like it gets, it takes control of me. Like it's like, yeah, that's that urge. That's that urge. Yeah. The dopamine kicks in and I was like, I gotta have this. I gotta have this now. Right. That's where with the urge, grab your pen and just like, let the energy come out through your pen and just write this down. I really want this now. And let it all come out. And then rebuttal. So those are all your excuses. That's all your story. That's all your primitive brain, the toddler part, and let it all come out and then go, "Okay, future self, advice, please." Right. Future self, who's reached her goal, advice, please. She's gonna first of all say, okay, it's normal. Don't make it a big deal. Stop judging yourself. It'll pass. This too shall pass. It's waves. Urges, we know, is a feeling and urges past, emotions have that rise and fall, and that's okay. Instead of where your focus goes is what grows, right? So we don't want to intensify it with a lot of resistance or judgment, or you're just gonna keep magnifying it. It'll still be present in your whole sphere. I think I'll buy some fruit this week. I really have avoided fruit for a really long time because it's not keto, but I'll eat other shit that's keto. Yes, quote unquote I'll eat keto chocolate, but I won't eat fruit. I can just, nothing I do makes sense. Right. Um, so yeah, I think I might buy some fruit this week and add it into my plan just to see how, how that feels. You know what I mean? I don't know if I like fruit anymore, to be honest. Like other than I love watermelon. I would start with other fruit other than watermelon though, Wanda. Yeah. Because watermelon's been so much in your mind. The taste of it, you may overdo it and which is gonna prove your cognitive dissonance. It's gonna say, see, that's why we don't do fruit. Yeah. So do the mind work first to say fruit is not evil. Like you can even look up what's the benefits of this? What nutrition am I getting with a Kiwi? Oh my gosh, look at all the benefits. So you're looking at it as that, and then think, I only need so much, my body can only absorb so much nutrition. So, and then eat it. You might want to take a little spoon. I have one of those little tiny spoons, so if I'm gonna cut it up, I'll just have one piece at a time and just taste the difference. Literally, just be very intentional so that you're not setting yourself up to prove yourself right. Right, prove to myself I can't eat fruit either 'cause I'm gonna overdose on that. It's just so hard 'cause if, and then part of me, and I don't know where this comes into at all, is like, I feel like, and I do maintain my weight, which is great. Like, I feel like I do everything correct. I don't overdo any one particular thing where for the most part, my weight stays pretty much within four or five pounds. Right. But that's not the goal. It's like, okay, something, something's gotta, I've gotta do something different to get it down. Right? Like so... Stopping, judging yourself? Yeah. It's got to be one of the first things. And stopping focusing on what you're not doing right and focusing on what you're doing right. And I feel like I do focus on what I'm doing right because I keep doing it all right. Right. How do I get to my goal though if I'm, if I'm constantly doing the thing that's wrong to not get there? The way, the biggest thing is, you're gonna have those thoughts regardless. We can't get rid of those thoughts. That thinking we can lessen it. So first of all, like normalizing it, this is normal. Now, you have a word for it. You have language around it. This is cognitive dissonance. Right. What do I want it to be like instead? And how do I want to think? If you had a spectrum of, we'll go here, Feel Light Mind & Body mentality way of thinking, and that's a 10 and doc here, zero is your old diet mentality, keto as you refer it to, so that's a zero. Where would you put yourself on the spectrum right now in your thinking? Probably at a, like a five or a six. I feel like I go back and forth quick, pretty quickly between the two. So when we think of that, if we want to think of it as a scale, what's gonna tip the scale towards a Feel Light Mind& Body is one showing up like you are now. And then you can watch this recording again, that's solidifying it and doing little steps once you feel prepared. If you feel outta control, that's not the time to introduce fruit again. Right. But with feeling like prepared, okay, this is good. I've done my research, I can see how much value that is, this is how much I'm going to have, and then following through and honoring that is going to really tip the scale. So always think, is what I'm doing going to towards what I want to feel light in my mind and body? Or is it going back to what feels hard, feels necessary? All of that, that makes you rebel, eventually. I signed up for the course, do the course, know the course, 'cause the Feel Light Mind & Body is so appealing. Mm-hmm. And then yet there's this, there's this internal part of me that likes the struggle. Yes. Like I just keep thinking, I'm like, God, this struggle is like, I don't like it or I wouldn't have signed up for the Feel Light Mind and Body course. I would've signed up for like 75 (Hard) because I actually don't like the struggle. I don't like, I don't want to be out there consciously, yes. Unconsciously, remember from the previous modeling and programming, there's somewhere we have esteemed,"Anything worth doing is worth doing right." No, that's not the one. But basically there was something I was, it was put in me to like about being hard, like life is hard, that kind of thing. The maritime way, sometimes that way we're survivors like we, we came from potato famines and we need to, we need to try harder than everybody else. Right? Or, okay, so this is where it comes from. You're like extremely hardworking, driven, or you're the lazy ass who collect pokey all year long. Yes. There's no in between. How can you be a successful person who is not feeling, yeah, and it's due a lot. I like to make things complicated and I feel like I, you only lose weight if you're running, like you gotta be running to lose weight. I was like the fittest people in the world I know do, do yoga. I've seen a guy stand on his fingers. They're so strong from yoga class. Not that I want to do yoga, but just as a thought. Right. And now you're seeing that people lost 40, 50, 60 pounds, my testimonials, without any exercise. I know. Then I feel, just so you know, what I really appreciate you too is that you're always talking about weight training. Because I've worked with other people who've been like, don't exercise at all. Right. Lose the weight. Yes. But for me, I was just like, no. The weight training for me just seems crucial, just for me. Just releases my brain and just, I really enjoy it. So the shift that I think will help you like it has helped me is working out, strength training is so good. Like I did it this morning, I got my 30 minutes in. When I'm doing that, it's more like I'm doing this to be strong, I'm doing this so I can pick up my table and take it to my storage shed uphill. Exactly. Uh, I can be independent, I can be,, all the activities of daily living. As well as, like I shared last night, I finally also added to that, the tone. If we don't use it, we'll lose it. Yeah. But when we can release the thought, the pressure of I'm doing this to lose weight, then there's more joy in doing it. Then feeling a necessity and then, oh, you miss out, or you go a few days, or you have an injury, you get sick. All of that stuff. That's why I developed this program not to be centered around it. Everything we add in is bonus. Hmm. So also it goes along with helping you with, how can this be simple? So when you had said about hard and easy, easy is a, a word that's like, it's just sometimes feels "woo woo" out there, like, that's not possible. So I like simple. Ah, yes. Remind me. Simple. Yes, that's true. Yes. That's good. So when your brain is saying, oh, it has to be hard. Yeah, just reframe that with, it has to be simple. How can I make this simple? Again, this is why we're recording this. So yes, but I, that's gonna be my, I need that word. I like it.'Cause yeah, easy, I just take as lazy, easy daisy. Yes. Not good because I feel like if it's easy, I should be able to just show up, be on the call and lose the weight. Mm-hmm. It should just magically transform itself. But if it's simple, it means, I'm like, I'm simple. Yeah. And that's what makes it, I think we talked about this, it's like simple eating. Yeah, we did, we had this conversation yesterday. It's like, how do we just eat simple? Like you, the simplest way to lose weight is to eat simple. That's right. I get so... I know. So when we're done here, I think a good thing is what are the simple basics I'm willing to practice every day? Yeah. Okay. So for your takeaway, let's just think that with cognitive dissonance, it's gonna be there, it's gonna pop up, it wants to hang on to that preexisting belief, it wants that to still be there 'cause it feels comfortable. Remember the survival, the primative part of the brain likes what's familiar, what's, what it believes is true, and it feels like there's a disconnect or a work in process. And just think of that as, this is my bridge to get to where I want to go. And then not judge yourself when you're having that, even letting go of that judging and beating yourself up is going to give you more energy back. It's going to take that mental bandwidth, like you're just gonna have more to work with and decrease your stress because you're gonna be more productive in your actual work. Right. All of that. It feels very, it always felt related. Mm-hmm. Like, I always can feel like if I, if I can figure out the lighter mind and body stuff, it's gonna, it's going to resonate, resonate, resonate, go throughout, be within the rest of my life, like... Right, right. Have that ripple effect. Yeah. Because what you do well, how you do one thing is how you do everything. So... Exactly. You can get control of that. And even the simple declaration, I like declaration more than affirmation, but just declaring this, like I'm doing this. This is a process and I realize that, and I'm gonna keep progressing just like I do in learning how to do my business well, and I'm also learning how to do my life well. How to make it lighter for my mind and body, not heavier, not harder, harder, and you might even have to like start working on that. Harder isn't always the best way. Hmm. Yeah. When is, when is it ever the best way? I, I guess it's how we think of hard. You know, I think you and I both kind of have the hard as a challenge too, and then when we do something hard, there's that reward of, wow, I did that. Yeah. So instead of hard, I like to say I'm okay with challenging. Challenging feels better to me than hard. Yeah. Yeah. I like that too. It can be challenging and I can still say, how can I make this as light as possible as I go through this challenge? Mm hmm. I challenge myself to make it lighter. Imagine me saying, how can I make this heavier? How can I make this harder to get through this challenge? Yeah. But that's what we're doing unconsciously. That would be my course, right? All of us. That's what we tend to want to do. But instead it's like, and it's only because we are creating a new form of cognitive dissonance. Right. And the beauty is once you get it, it's gonna reject your old way of thinking. Yes. And say, no, no, no, no. We're not going there today. Yeah. I see you. I hear you. I keep getting closer to it. I can feel it. Like I feel like you've said, we're in the middle. I feel like I came from a zero going to a 10. I was in a two and a three and we're slowly, you know, even the fact I'm in a 5 and a 6, I'm recognizing now that I'm doing things. It's just, yeah, it's getting more and more clear."This is not working. It's time to go for, for what I want." Why this program resonated with me, why I want it to be, where I want my life to be, I don't want it to be so beaty-upy and complicated and hard. Mm-hmm. But I want the results. So yeah. And I can see, and I've got a... group coaching's great 'cause I can see the results from it. So it's cool. It's good. So I know it can happen. I've got real life evidence. Exactly. On the weeks that you might not have experienced it and you see that someone else has, you're like, as long as it's not that comparison's a thief of joy and I think you guys are all really good at, maybe that pops up and then because of what you've learned, you're able to shift it to inspiration. Oh no, she's being an example of what is possible.'Cause you've done this journey together as well. And then what you and I do in private. Yeah. Joyful. And with you and I do private, you're able to just kind of zone in, laser in on your specific thing for as long as you want to. Yeah, talk about that issue. So, yeah, no, it's good. And like I said, the group is good too 'cause it, like I said, I really like seeing other people's issues.'Cause you don't think they're yours and then all of a sudden you see it and you're like, oh yeah, I'm struggling with that. Yes. Like, uh, right away and then you can see it, then you're just like, oh, okay that's cool. That's cool to see that I hadn't thought of the one around yesterday. Like I said, the hangover one was really, I was literally going through that. And then you brought it up for Donna,'cause she's like two pounds away and I'm like, I'm 40 pounds away. And I have the hangover because I literally was like well, I'm not gonna get this goal now for January, like I had planned 'cause I can't lose 40 pounds by then. So therefore I should just give up. Right. I won't give up on the health, which is good. I've got that cemented. I am a healthy person. I'm a person who does these habits and like they're just so ingrained in me. But I was willing to give up on trying to lose weight. Yes, 'cause you were trying to prevent yourself from that "January 1st, feeling like a failure." Well,'cause I already was a failure in my opinion, like I'd already failed. Like there's no way to get 40 pound weight loss by January. So I was like, well, I can't do it, so I'm not even gonna try. Mm-hmm. So I'll just hang around and just do the, the, the five easy things that get me my, get me my results and just, you know, stay healthy. Yeah. I'll stay healthy, healthy, but not get to my ultimate goal. Right. Yeah. Like somewhere along the way is, yeah, I'm not worthy of doing that because I mess up because I fail. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, so do you know right off without doing some thought work and writing it out, what you're thinking now, like what is it that you're going to think purposefully, intentional? I feel like Donna now, Donna is my inspiration. I'm like, whenever it happens, it happens. Yes. Like I'll just keep, like we talked about it. It's like, well if I keep going for it, like it's, it's gonna happen if I do the right steps. Yes. Like what my ultimate goal is to be at my goal weight for the rest of my life. Mm-hmm. Exactly. So if it's not for a year, it's not for a year. Right. And then it's also like, you know, maybe, maybe the goal weight isn't the weight that I want to be. Maybe it's this feeling that I get. I don't know what is what exactly it's gonna be when I get there, but I'm gonna know what I'm there. Right. Okay. So next week let's talk about what do you think your feeling will be when you get to that set goal that you have in your mind. Like, what is that feeling? Because then I want to help you start to find that feeling now, to produce the feeling now. Right. Because that's gonna generate everything else.'Cause we know that our feelings drive our actions and give us our results. So that is one thing. The other thing... Oh, that's actually, it's your fault I had to buy a new, gas top by the way. Oh yeah. How?'Cause you said to me, we were talking about my goal of buying this apartment, and you said, where are you gonna be when you get there? And I said, I'm gonna be peaceful. Yes. So I've been working on peace. Yes. The clicking noise to turn that thing on distracts my peace. So I was like, I'm going to be peaceful while living in this home now. So I'm doing everything now to make this home my peace. Yes. Oh yes. I love that. Yeah, I love that. Thank you. You're welcome and I'll show you I'm being peaceful by keeping my place with less paper clutter in my sphere. Yeah, there's still clutter in my spare room, but it's out of sight, out of mind, and I have a more peaceful, creative mind because your brain has to register every little thing it sees. 100%. It's a lot of stimulation. My weekend job. So, yeah. So thank you. So that this works. So that now I can really, now I'm zoning in on the light. The simple. I like that word. That's my word. That's my word this month, so, okay. Cool. Okay, so just to recap really quick, one of the things to say is to take the pressure off yourself right now for that goal. Tweak your goal. Right now, we know having that goal is not serving you, supporting you in the same way, doesn't mean it won't pop up after you've done some of this work. After you've tipped the spectrum more to Feel Light Mind & Body, after you've created more neural pathway stability for that cognitive dissonance. You might end October suddenly realize, oh my gosh, I'm already halfway there. I can do this. You never know. A good point. Yeah, so I would just say, do that. And so you keep, keep the same goal, tweak it so that maybe it's not a number, it's the feeling and it is not just the feeling, but it might be a clothing item that you want to be able to wear comfortably or any of that. And then just be open with, if it's a for life thing, just be open to extending the timeframe as needed. To keep that feeling of commitment, of determination because once you say, if I don't, then I don't, you're going to go right back onto that yo-yo old mentality. Right. Again, to feed that and soothe that cognitive dissonance. And that's what we're breaking free of. So yeah, doing it, doing it once, doing it right. Mm-hmm. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. I wasn't ready. Cool. So what if it could be simple? What do you think? If you've debated on taking advantage of the session that I offer to you free as a podcast listener, but you've put it off or backed out because of feelings of uncertainty about what it will look or feel like, well, this is it. You've just experienced a taste of it. And by the way, Wanda paid for her first consult by finding me through Google, and she thought it was so worth it that she became a client. We keep it light, even as we go a level deeper, just like it doesn't have to be hard, it also doesn't have to feel heavy, shameful, or scary. I'm just a person who has experienced many of the same struggles or has coached a gazillion clients on their struggles. I happen to believe fully in this Feel Light Mind & Body experience, otherwise I wouldn't have created it. I wouldn't have invested 25K into the Life Coaching Certification. I wouldn't keep showing up here every week. I wouldn't have spent time and energy starting Clarenda's Empowerment Coaching from the ground up. I do it because I'm passionate and committed to helping you get results in the simplest, lightest, and most enjoyable way possible. I learn from you as you learn from me, and it's a beautiful process. I hold space for you in a loving, compassionate, and nonjudgmental way. Private coaching as well as group coaching is a safe container. Doing life with women who are experiencing similar yet different challenges is encouraging. And guess what? It's okay if you don't quite believe it's possible for you. I have enough belief happening within for both of us. You can borrow some of mine as you strengthen your own while you get results. It's a journey and experience well worth it. You're worth it, my friend. Seriously. I know that's a line you may hear thrown around, but I want you to receive it today. You are worth it. Your health, relationships, and life satisfaction are worth it. So see this episode's description as I'm leaving you with two options. Pick one and go for it. One, book your complimentary 20 to 30 minute session and receive at least one takeaway to empower you as you move forward. Two, enjoy the short, free five-part video series, Five Steps so your Clothes Feel Looser. And what I most recommend is to take advantage of both of these offers. You've listened to the end for a reason. I'm here to help you and I'd be honored to contribute to your success. Ready? Let's do this. You're so capable. I believe in you. This is how you can get out of your funk. Let's go.

Now, do yourself the biggest favor: 36:56

from love, take at least one action step from what you learned today. Knowledge without application won't give you the results that you desire. Let me know on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, wherever, what you are choosing to do and when. And yes, please leave a podcast review wherever you are listening to this. When people read your words and can see themselves in them, then you are contributing to women empowering other women, and that feels amazing. You just might change or save a life today.