How Do I Stop Complaining? A Simple Way to Shift Your Mood and Energy.

157 - Complaining can feel like a quick release, but it often lowers your energy and keeps your body in a stress response longer than you realize.

In Episode 157, I share a simple way to break the complaining habit using the STOP method. You’ll see how your thoughts trigger the pattern, how it carries through your day, and how it shows up in your routines and relationships.

This episode gives you a practical way to catch it earlier and shift your response so you’re not stuck in that loop.

If you’ve been feeling drained, frustrated, or noticing patterns that aren’t helping, this will help you approach them differently.

I’m also hosting the Out of the Miserable Maybe Workshop on Saturday, April 25th at 1PM (in person and on Zoom).

If you’ve been stuck in indecision, you’ll leave with a clear plan and next step.

Reserve your spot here:
https://www.clarendasempowerment.com/courses/out-of-the-miserable-maybe

If you’d like more personalized support, you can book a free 20-minute consult here:

https://calendly.com/clarendasempowerment/exclusive-20-mins-session

You can always find out more at:

 https://www.clarendasempowerment.com/

Transcript

0:00

Complaining is a huge energy drain. So today we're going to break the complaining habit by using a simple method I call the STOP method. If you did the Energy Audit from episode 156, the one before this, then you may have noticed how often the complaining showed up. I know I did. It's not always obvious, it's often just an underlying tone. Complaining might feel like a quick release, but it doesn't leave your system that quickly. It tends to hang around and lower your mood and energy. Did you know that it's also detrimental to your health and brain? Yeah, it is. It's also easy to fall into that mindset and feel justified. As always, I'm not going to argue with reality. We all can agree that there are things to complain about. Some things we can change and some things we can't. But if our goal is to feel lighter in our mind and body, then we have to take notice at what we're rehearsing throughout the day. What we're giving our focus and energy to. So today I'm giving you a simple way to catch it earlier and shift your energy using the STOP method.

Welcome to episode 157: 1:14

How Do I Stop Complaining? A Simple Way to Shift Your Mood and Energy. I'm Clarenda Price, a Certified Life and Weight Coach, former Nurse, and creator of the Feel Light Mind and Body Program and this podcast. I help busy women who feel stretched thin and stuck in old patterns that aren't working, take a simpler approach to their health. The result? They have more energy, they feel better in their bodies, and they're able to follow through in a way that gets them the result they want. Then not only get there, but in a way that lasts. It's so easy to vent and complain, isn't it? It even feels like relief at first, but then it doesn't last. What tends to follow is a heavier feeling and less energy to do something about what's bothering you. And of course it always feels better to be the one complaining than the one listening to it. Again, I'm not saying that complaints aren't legit or that we shouldn't ever complain. But I've been working on telling myself this... If I have a complaint, then do something about it. Have a conversation with someone who can control the outcome or write a letter and then let it be. Why? For your health and relationship's sake! The STOP method, S-T-O-P, begins with what I think is most important. S for the sympathetic nervous system. Complaining keeps your body in a low grade stress response. Fight or flight. That means more cortisol, more tension, and more wear and tear on your system over time. And here's something to keep in mind. Complaining can feel like it helps because you get it out. And maybe it does for a moment. But remember, what you repeat, you reinforce. That makes that neural pathway stronger. So then that can carry throughout your day. Next is T. Thoughts. Every complaint starts with a thought. Let's start with the thoughts we have about ourselves and our lives. Sometimes it sounds like, "Why did I say yes to this?" "Why did I put that on my calendar?" "I don't have time." Well, since most likely no one has hijacked your calendar, just simply answer that. Maybe your clothes are feeling tighter, or your blood pressure is creeping up, or you're just tired of feeling off. So you may have put something on your calendar because that is truly your desire. You would like to see some improvement in that area. That's when you nip the complaining right then and there and you start to think about thoughts that will help you build up your desire, encouraging thoughts. That's how it's going to feel a lot better when you're taking action. Instead of complaining that you're too busy, or maybe it's the other end of the spectrum that you're bored out of your mind, just make a decision to do something about it. A decision that will work in your favor and not create chaos in your mind and your body. That's when you'll feel more empowered and less frustrated. A great question to ask is, what would support me right now? What is one thing I can do today to support this desire and give me the support to carry through? What is one thing that is within your power to change? And maybe you'll realize I actually need a challenge to get myself moving, to get myself out of this complacency. Even a small shift can get you out of that loop. For me, I realize that when I get on my phone and I'm going to check a client's response and something pops up, that I don't let myself get lured into that clickbait, that polarized post or reel, and let that distract me from what I'm doing. And also getting my sympathetic up like this or get my mind into complaining. What I'm working on is going in with purpose, doing what I need to do and getting out. I'm not always successful, but I can see some improvement and it feels so much better. And at night, it just seems so easy to scroll, like, this is how I'm gonna end my day. That doesn't work. I don't sleep well. I don't fall asleep as quickly as I usually can. And it's not worth it. However, our energy is low, and unless we're intentional, that's our default mode. We think in the moment it's just giving us something to do, a way to relax, but notice how you feel afterwards. And again, if you did the energy audit from last week, maybe you've already picked up on that. So instead, what I like to do as part of my evening routine, pick up a pen, write in my journal. Or you can just use a piece of paper and ask a few simple questions like, "What did I do today that I feel proud of? And what will I do differently tomorrow?" And anything that I'm complaining about, I think I get to do this. I'm choosing to do this, or I'm going to make a decision so that is taken care of and I don't have that to complain about. So check in on your thoughts and see if they're helpful and notice how they make you feel. Even that simple thing of choosing to say, "I get to do this." "I don't have to do it." "I'm choosing to do it." Or if it's something you feel like you really, really have to do, still come back to "I get to do it. I'm choosing to do it." For example, you might say, "oh, I have to do this for my kid." Do you? Maybe? Maybe not? So check in on those thoughts and ask if they are helpful and notice how they make you feel. O is for old patterns. Complaining can become a real habit in relationships. It can turn into a place where people just unload without doing any other processing beforehand. It can feel connected in the moment, especially if they agree with you, but it doesn't really leave you feeling better afterwards. It's like that feeling after venting or gossiping too long. It just feels kind of yucky and heavy. So there's you complaining about your life and others, and there's others complaining to you about their life and others. But what about when someone is complaining about you? Let's start with a scenario of them complaining to your face. It's natural to have a knee-jerk reaction and defending yourself. But how does that work out? Usually it escalates especially if you share your complaints about them, which you may have been storing up for a while, so watch out. How do you think your nervous system feels at that time? Definitely not safe, and yes, in fight or flight. This week, here's something you can try. It's the P part of the STOP method. Pause, take two to three deep breaths and on your exhale, extend it longer than your inhale, and yeah, they can wait. You take care of you. Then in response, not reaction to their complaint, simply say, "tell me more of why you think that." Instead of being defensive, you're getting curious. This is sometimes the hard part, but just ask yourself, "where is there some truth in this?" Maybe you can't see any truth in it. So simply share from a calm and loving space your perspective. And I know that's not easy, but it will be worth it. Don't shy away from having an uncomfortable conversation because it really could break an old habit that snuck into the relationship. Disrupting that pattern can make it so much better. If your emotion is too strong, then simply address that and say,"You know what, I want to have this conversation, but I need just a pause. I need to step away for a few moments and then we'll come back and talk." Being honest will hopefully keep them from reacting, but no matter what, you do what you know you need to do. Take your pause and get out in nature, if at all possible, to reset your nervous system. It'll provide you with a more balanced state, and nature tends to do that naturally for us. It really does activate the parasympathetic. You're taking this because it's grounding and also a needed reset. Depending on the amount of time that you think you have, if you can, bare feet on the ground, that's more grounding. Lean against a tree, pick some flowers, maybe you can't go outside so pick up a pen and paper and just write out some of your thoughts. Get that out to help you process that emotion before coming back to have the conversation. Now, what about the complaining that's happening about you behind your back? Decide if it's worth your energy. Not everything needs a response. Some things are best left alone so you can focus on what truly matters rather than letting your subconscious mind time travel to all the worst case scenarios. And if it's you wanting to complain to or about them, take a pause. Breathe and try shifting that to a simple request. What's going to matter is if you can do this without big sigh or the eye roll. I also like to say, "Help me understand." Data, not drama will lead you to better outcomes every time. So a quick recap. S for sympathetic. Notice what it's doing to your body and think about how it's impacting your health. T is thought. Check the thought. What is a thought behind what's creating the emotion? That's what's activating the sympathetic nervous system. O - Recognize the pattern and choose to respond, not react. And P - Pause before continuing. Don't just walk away. Simply say, "I need a little breather so that we can have a good discussion." Here's something to try this week. Pick one day. One day. No complaining and be mindful. You'll catch yourself more than you expect, and that's the point. It will increase your awareness of what's running in the background and give you an opportunity to respond differently. It won't be easy, but I guarantee you it will be worth it energetically. If you need another outlet, decide ahead of time of what that will be so you can do that instead of complaining. Go for a walk, write it out, pray, or even humming helps reset your system. And balance it by noticing what's going well even in small ways. Before we wrap up, I wanna let you know that I'm hosting the Out Of The Miserable Maybe Workshop again. It's Saturday, April 25th with the options of being in person as well as online. Spaces are limited, so I'm going to put the link in the show notes. Simply click on this and reserve your spot. If you've been stuck in indecision, this is going to help you get clear on what matters, and without overthinking, take the next step. You'll feel lighter and more empowered at the end. It's purposefully a small group so that you can have the space and attention to actually work through what's been keeping you stuck and in overthinking. It's not just more information, I'm calling it a workshop because we will do the work together. Being supported keeps you doing it in that time period so that you can leave with results. The last one was amazing, and I'm just thinking right off that Barbara, one of the attendees, said she left and felt relief that she felt that shift and she had a plan to move forward. She loved the insight that she gained and she enjoyed the small group. It felt like a safe place to share. I hope to see you in the room or in the Zoom room and just know we bring you into our space. Until next week, best of luck on that no complaining day. And I look forward to hearing any insights or comments that you have. You've got this.