Do You Love Yourself Enough to Challenge Yourself?

166 - Have you ever noticed that many of the things you're most proud of required effort, commitment, patience, and growth?

Yet when it comes to ourselves, we often think self-love should feel easy.

In this episode, Clarenda challenges that idea and offers a different perspective. One that connects self-love with self-respect, self-honouring, and a willingness to grow into the person you want to become.

From weight loss and healthy aging to burnout and personal growth, this conversation explores what it means to care about yourself deeply enough to make choices that support your future, even when those choices aren't always the easiest ones.

You'll hear personal stories, coaching insights, and practical examples that will help you reflect on your own habits, patterns, and relationship with yourself.

If you've ever found yourself waiting for the perfect time to make a change, wondering why you know what to do but aren't doing it, or feeling stuck between where you are and where you want to be, this episode is for you.

And before you go, Clarenda shares a simple rewiring exercise you can begin using right away to help your brain focus on what you'll gain by moving forward instead of what you might lose.

Ready for support?

Book a complimentary 20-minute consult and let's explore what's keeping you stuck and what your next step could look like.

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https://calendly.com/clarendasempowerment/exclusive-20-mins-session

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 https://www.clarendasempowerment.com/

Transcript

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Two questions. One, do you love yourself enough to challenge yourself? And two, have you ever noticed that the things that you're most proud of in life probably weren't easy? Maybe it was the relationship that you worked hard at from commitment and love, or the long hours you put into earning your degree, or maybe it's the business that you built. Maybe you're proud of the weight you lost and you kept off for quite a while, or a habit that you're finally feeling consistent with. Most of the things that add value in our lives are things that stretch us, and yet somewhere along the way, we have started to link self-love with comfort. I've been thinking about that a lot this week after mentioning in last week's episode on self-care that I thought self-love should have its own episode. What do I believe self-love actually means? There are lots of fluffy quotes that look pretty on social media, but I knew I wanted to go deeper into what I truly believe it means. I want us to look at what it looks like in real life. Your life, my life, the life that has responsibilities like stressors at work, aging parents, problems with kids or grandkids, stress, responsibilities, changing hormones and bodies, and all the other things that go along with being a human. The more I thought about that, the more I realized that the things I think of as acts of self-love don't particularly feel comfortable. Sometimes it means having a heart-to-heart, a real conversation with yourself about something or some things that you've been avoiding. I know I often resist rest, even though I know that's a necessary component of self-love. Sometimes it looks like asking for help, getting coaching, or accepting a challenge that you know will benefit you in the future. That's where today's question comes from. Do you love yourself enough to challenge yourself? One of the things I help women do every day is to help bridge the gap between knowing what to do and actually following through. Now, if you're new here to the podcast, my name is Clarenda Price. Welcome. I spent 21 years as a Registered Nurse, and I loved serving in that capacity. But there came a point where I knew that I wanted to dive deeper into preventing the illness from happening instead of reacting to the illness and treating it. So partway through my nursing career, I thought, "Let's get out ahead of the illness," and I went into personal training. Then I followed that by going into Life and Weight Coaching. Today I help women who are successful in so many areas of life, but they still struggle with weight loss, stress eating, and decreased energy. Others come to me because they're dealing with burnout, they're tired of overthinking, or simply wanting to follow through on habits that they know if they could make that happen, they would feel so much better. Together, we work both on the mind and body because most women already know enough. The challenge is applying what they know consistently, especially when stress, emotions, and old patterns get involved. If you're listening or watching this, you're probably not lacking information. You know you're smart and capable, so you keep thinking that you can figure this out. You'll figure this out on your own. I get it. I used to resist help, but now when it comes to my brain and my body, I don't resist anymore. If I'm hitting a roadblock, if I can't see what I can't see, then I want someone to help me so I don't stay stuck. My current clients who are experiencing a variety of transformations have said to me that they realize they've been missing a few pieces of the puzzle that they didn't even know were missing. Some figured they were probably lacking the support and accountability and that that would make a difference. But what has really blew their minds is the power of having a coach who can see what they can't see. Who has the ability to see the patterns that are keeping them stuck. And many of those patterns show up in the conversation that they're having with themselves. Self-love begins with knowing yourself. Not the version you're showing to the world. Your real self. Your true authentic self. The one who knows what drains her and what lights her up, what she's avoiding, as well as what matters the most to her. Self-love recognizes what she's pretending doesn't bother her. And what she's carrying around that she hasn't really dealt with yet. Self-love is being willing to honestly look at those things without beating yourself up. It's creating a safe place to tell yourself the truth. I think that's why self-compassion matters so much. Self-compassion isn't giving yourself a pass. It's acknowledging pain without turning it into a character flaw. It's recognizing that we're human. We're going to get things wrong sometimes. We're going to have setbacks, maybe setbacks after setbacks, and then we still have the capacity to move forward again. One thing I've learned over the years is that self-love and self-indulgence aren't the same thing. If I told myself that I love my body, but I never moved it, I never challenged it, I never listened to it… that wouldn't be love. That would be neglect kind of wrapped in a self-love story. For me, self-love includes self-honoring. It's having a high regard for my mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. It's asking myself, "What kind of life do I want to be living 10 years from now? And what decisions do I need to make to support that life?" I love to work with identities. The identity you have now and the identity who you are becoming. That is fun, it's exciting, and there's so much growth and so much learning that happens along the way. I'm stepping back into an identity that has started to slip away a bit. Sometimes it's in the back of your mind and you think, "I'm going to do this," but then you hear something that stimulates, that inspires you, and you decide you want to go back and do what you once could do, or start fresh and do something new. That just happened to me this week when I was hearing Dr. Spiegel, I think it was, on the Mel Robbins podcast. And he was talking about the benefits of hanging from a bar and the importance of grip strength on your longevity. It really reminded me of how important strength is to us as we age. 9 to 10 years ago, I used to hang from a bar in order to get strength so that I could do pull-ups. It was an area that I struggled with. It's my weakest area, my lats. But I was able to do four, and I felt so proud of that. Then life happened, things changed, priorities changed. I had to do and put my attention and focus elsewhere. So I kept the basic fitness up, but I didn't take the time to do those extra things. And somewhere along the way, my pull-up bar in the garage just started getting filled with things around it from the move. But I've decided that I'm going to clean out that area so I can start hanging again. Not so much for the appearance, although that's an added bonus and there's nothing wrong with that. But my inspiration and motivation is for the quality of life. I want to be able to maintain my independence and do the things that I really enjoy. Is that your desire as well? Now, I have no idea whether I'm going to be able to hang even for 30 seconds or be able to do a pull-up. I don't know. Probably not right now, but I'm gonna say, not yet. I'm going to continue, and I will do it. The challenge isn't proving myself or proving something to someone else. It's accepting the challenge that I want to improve. I want to be the best version of myself at 56 years old. Yes, a woman in menopause who wants to thrive, not just survive, and there's a big difference there. And maybe that's really what I've been trying to say throughout this episode. Challenge isn't something we do because we're unhappy with ourselves. It's something we do because we care about our future. I don't want to be strong only for today. I want to be strong 20 years from now. I want to have the energy to do the things I enjoy. I want to stay independent, like I mentioned. I want to continue to bike and hike and garden and travel. All the things. I don't want to sit on the sidelines. I don't want to have to be assisted somewhere if I can keep going on my own and not putting a burden on someone else. And if that's you right now, I don't want this to make you feel bad. I want you to take this and say,"What is it that I can do right now to give myself just this much more independence, this much more strength?" That's what self-love looks like. It's not feeling like I have to prove something, but it's also not just letting myself off the hook so I can feel good temporarily. I want to challenge myself because I care about where I'm headed. And I think that's where a lot of women get stuck with weight loss, too. They think they need to dislike themselves in order to feel motivated to change. That they need to be so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired or hating the way they look and feel. I've never seen that work very well long term. What I have seen work is when a woman accepts, and loves, and appreciates what her body has done so far and also how it's supporting her now. And at the beginning, that's challenging because her focus, what her brain is telling her, pointing out all the things that she's doing wrong. All the areas that need to change. All the symptoms that she's experiencing. Even just on a consultation, women feel a shift when they start to realize that these symptoms are actually a gift. They're there to wake them up. It's an opportunity to start respecting her desires and her body enough to care for it. To care for it carefully and deeply. To care for it as the gift that it truly is. Not because she's trying to become worthy, because she already is. And there's no punishment or judgment needed in order to reach your goals. You just look at the facts and say, "This is where I am now. This is where I want to go. These are the obstacles in between," and that's what we work together on. You'll start to shift from the default thought of, "What's wrong with me?" to, "What do I need? What would help me right now? What would support me the most?" That's a much different conversation, and the latter one will definitely support you the most. It'll make you feel lighter in your mind and body. The same thing happens when we notice burnout. Self-love isn't waiting until you're exhausted before giving yourself a break. It's noticing the early signs instead of waiting until you hit the wall. It's sensing that shorter fuse, lack of patience, or even resentment rising up within. It's becoming aware of that feeling of exhaustion, no matter how much sleep we get. Self-love is taking those signals seriously. I wish I could tell you that I've mastered them, but I haven't. But I have improved significantly, and I've also created tools that really help. As women, especially women who have big hearts and care deeply for others, we tend to push ourselves. We think, "I'll just push through, then I'll rest." We say we're going to start or take better care of ourselves later, and then it just feels like there's always, always something that comes up. So if you're waiting or hoping or dreaming that there'll be the perfect time where nothing will get in the way, where there won't be a, a circumstance come up that you can't control, you'll be waiting a long, long time. And then that's when it might be even harder to begin. So I encourage you to really take this to heart. Think about it. What does self-love mean for you? I saw these patterns during my nursing days, and I continue to see it now in my coaching. I've also noticed that retirement, news alert, doesn't actually solve for it. I have clients who thought,"Once I retire, that's when I'll settle. That's when I'll get this done." And then they say they're busier now than they ever were. I've watched women leave careers, go into retirement, and then immediately jump into just exhausting themselves with doing things that they love and light themself up, but just so many things. Could be volunteering, over-volunteering, in both community or church, or being exhausted from taking on a big role with the grandchildren. Those are things that are wonderful and great to do as long as you're balancing, as long as you're keeping your cup full and your health is taken care of so that you can maintain the energy. So know that the scenario, the circumstance may change, but the habits are still there. That default mode is still there until you do the work on it. Which brings me back to challenge, and I believe we need both support and challenge. Too much challenge and we burn out. Too little challenge and we can get lazy, or we can start noticing that life just kinda feels ho-hum. It can feel easier. We can start to listen to the lower brain who just says, "You know what? We deserve this. We've worked hard the whole time." So it just feels easier to kick back, put your feet up, be in a lounge chair, and have a cold drink beside you. And again, that's part of life and that's part of balance. But balance that out with what else are you challenging yourself with? Without a challenge, we stop growing and we don't discover what we're capable of. We miss out on the great feeling when we surprise ourselves. So self-love is the balance. It's finding the balance between support and challenge. I like to include both in my life at all times. Support encourages me when I find things difficult in life and challenge calls me forward when I know I'm capable of more. Before we finish, I'd love to leave you with a simple rewiring exercise. Tomorrow morning, think about one challenge that you'll likely face. Then ask yourself, what will I gain by moving forward through it instead of avoiding it? Not what you'll lose, what you'll gain. Maybe it's confidence, momentum, self-respect, or peace of mind. Give your brain something meaningful to move toward. I found that helps for me. It helps me think about where I'm going more than what I'm trying to avoid. And then at the end of the day, acknowledge one thing at least that you're proud of and why. You feel proud because you showed up for it. It didn't have to be perfect. You rose to the challenge. Maybe you stayed calm during a stressful or heated conversation. Maybe you decided to go for a walk or deadhead flowers, that's my thing, instead of just opening up the fridge or wandering through the pantry. These add up as micro-wins, so notice them and celebrate them. Because self-love isn't just about the big wins. It's about all those little decisions along the way that give us a sense of satisfaction. My friend, if you're finding yourself stuck between knowing what to do and actually following through, that's exactly the work I help women do. Together, we identify the thoughts, habits, emotional patterns, and blind spots that keep them spinning their wheels so that they can move through that and move forward with confidence and ease and more energy. If you'd like to explore what that would look like for you, just book a 20-minute consult. It's free. I'll drop the link in the show notes so you can choose a time that works best for you. No pressure, just a conversation that's going to help you get more clarity. You'll leave feeling better than when you arrived because you'll know your very next step. Whether that's us working together or you working and doing something else, I'd love for you to leave having made a decision to make a change in your life for the better. Everyone deserves to live the healthiest life that they can. We only get one life here on Earth. I want to help as many as possible maximize that. I work both privately, one-on-one, as well as in a group coaching setting. There's benefits to both and quite a few… Actually, I take 10 people that do both at the same time. So you can imagine having two people, myself and you, working on your goals. Someone who's gonna believe in you. Someone who's going to show up every week with you so that you can get out of any funk that you're in quicker than you can imagine and back in the game. So that's it for today. Until next time, remember to love yourself enough to challenge yourself.