EP 57: Decoding The Temperaments: Cultivating Virtue and Rooting Out Vice with Kylie Hein

Ever wondered why you react the way you do in certain situations or why understanding your husband can sometimes feel like deciphering an ancient language? Join me and my insightful guest, Kylie Hein, as we unravel the mysteries of temperaments in our latest episode.

A certified Catholic coach, Kylie shares her personal transformation and how the temperaments concept offers a blueprint for navigating life's complexities, relationships, and personal growth.

Embark on a journey through the four classic temperaments—choleric, sanguine, melancholic, and phlegmatic—and discover how these traits influence our behaviors and choices. From the 'introverted extrovert' to the 'peace-loving rule-follower', this episode shines a compassionate light on embracing our natural tendencies while striving for virtue. We discuss the delicate interplay between different temperaments in our relationships and how a deeper understanding can lead to enhanced empathy, patience, and self-awareness.

Wrapping up with a special invitation, Kylie shares details about her new workshop designed to help you master maintaining harmonious relationships by better understanding temperaments.

To learn more about Kylie and grab her FREE Download visit:
https://kyliemhein.kartra.com/page/home

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kyliemhein/

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Catholic Subriety Podcast, the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives, women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason. I am your host, christy Walker. I'm a wife, mom and a Joyfield Catholic, and I am the Catholic Subriety Coach, and I am so glad you're here. Have you heard of the temperaments and wondered what yours might be? Or maybe you took a temperaments assessment but aren't sure how knowing them can benefit you, your interactions with others and help you make decisions in your life? Well, you are in for a treat, my friends, because today's guest is Kylie Heine.

Speaker 1: 0:52

Kylie is a heart-centered, faith-filled coach who understands the multifaceted nature of her clients. With a unique approach encompassing both body and soul, kylie creates a non-judgmental space tailored to individual goals and identities, providing support and encouragement for clients to stress less, do more and stay focused on what truly matters. She has a wonderful podcast called Persistence in Prayer and Kylie kindly invited me to be on her podcast back in December. Its episode 37 and the title is when Fine Isn't Fine Anymore. Kylie and I had so much fun talking both before and after the show and I just had to have her on my podcast as well and share her with all of you, because she is just amazing. So thank you, kylie, for being here. It's so awesome to see you again.

Speaker 2: 1:54

Oh, thank you for having me. That was such a kind introduction and I'm just excited because we had such a great conversation and it's continued off air, so I love that we get to share this with your audience as well as mine.

Speaker 1: 2:07

I know me too. I've been looking forward to this even since we ended our End of your Podcast, so I would love it if you would just start us off by telling us a little bit about yourself and what brought you to coaching.

Speaker 2: 2:22

Yeah, so my name is Kylie Heine. I grew up and currently live in small town, nebraska, with my incredible husband. He is like just this powerful source of helping me to recognize all of the ways that I'm beating myself up all the time and just bring out hope and joy in me and my two wonderful little. So I have an eight-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son. I am a former teacher and head volleyball coach turned certified Catholic coach. So I was certified through Metanoia Catholic and that process and journey has been a beautiful one.

Speaker 2: 3:01

It started with developing my own relationship with God after I strayed in my late teens, early 20s, I think, like many of us do, getting caught up in social norms and what society tells us is the right way and the fun way to live versus the way that God calls us to live. And really, through some incredible students and people at the school I was working at, god just kept reaching out to me again and again and encouraging me to pursue ministry and, in all my shame, I thought, no way, I'm not doing it and I am not the right person for this because I am such a mess. But he's persistent and so I really just lit up after my mom passed away speaking on a retreat, and I knew in that moment that this is something that I've been created for. So I continued teaching, I pursued my master's in ministry degree but still just felt this tug on my heartstrings to learn more. And so I started pursuing spiritual direction, which I'm in spiritual direction certification and along the way I stumbled into coaching and I wanted to learn how to be a coach.

Speaker 2: 4:16

I didn't recognize that I needed coached, which we'll talk about Demerman's, a very caloric. So I just didn't recognize that this was something that I needed, and it was so profoundly impactful on my life that that was really the thing that gave me the courage to step away from my fear and live out the way that God was calling me to live, and that is by leaving my teaching job, taking on coaching and podcasting full-time. And really I think my personal mission is to just bring souls to Christ through prayer, and so that's what I'm doing through my coaching, through all of the work that I'm doing is just every day asking the Lord how do you want me to live this out? And so here we are.

Speaker 1: 5:04

Oh, that is so good. Thank you so much for sharing that, and I could just identify with so so much of your story and I am so glad that you mentioned that sometimes that shame that we feel like from our past or whatever, can often keep us from pursuing what God is calling us to do. We kind of get stuck in that and feel like who me, god, you're calling me to, you know what I've done, you know where I've been, and he's like, yes, exactly, and that is why I need you to do this work, because he's uniquely equipped each and every one of us. So that is so inspiring and I'm so thankful that you shared that as well. So we are gonna talk about temperaments today, so can you just explain a little bit about what temperaments are and also how you use them with your coaching clients?

Speaker 2: 6:05

Yeah, so I'll start with the type of clients that I typically work with. You know, as women, life is busy and it can sometimes feel like we have a million tabs open in our brain. So I really help do it all. Women close down the unnecessary tabs to eliminate decision fatigue and emotional frustration. So, taking away some of those things that can feel overwhelming when we get anxious about what the next step is and how we're gonna fit everything in, we're not able to just sit in the present and have the freedom to love where we are and how God is using us in this ordinary, everyday moment, and it can keep us, like we said, stuck in fear.

Speaker 2: 6:47

So the temperaments are a way to really help us understand ourselves and have better language around the way that we were created. They help us to understand our natural tendencies towards vice or virtue, but they aren't something that really defines us. So, for myself, knowing my temperament has helped me to understand again in a healthy way, how I'm naturally wired. I used to think, oh, this like 180 mood swing that I'm having is just inherited from my dad and I can't fix it and there's nothing I can do about it. It was this very fixed mindset about the way that I was created, but through knowing my temperament and really digging deeper into this, I now know that I can embrace the virtues of this temperament and I can really root out the vices and I can grow in the virtues of some of the other temperaments. It isn't a fixed thing, and it opened me up to this new world of freedom, of recognizing what my ideal conditions are, these things that fill me and these things that I needed my life, so that I don't feel frustrated and overwhelmed, because we know that our actions, the way that we respond to things, they're often carried out due to our emotions, and those emotions hinge on thoughts that we're having.

Speaker 2: 8:05

But for most of us, we don't know how to slow our brains down in the moment to figure out, okay, what thought triggered me to eat this food or drink this thing. We just kind of react. But when we have language and we understand ourselves more fully, we know what to look for ahead of time and our brains are more easily able to identify in the moment what is going on, so that we can make better choices. And so that's something that I really help clients to do is to understand how they are wired, and this has profoundly helped them in their relationships I hear there's a lot of relationships with their spouses and also relationships with their children, and so when we understand that our brains work a certain way and other people's work a different way, we are more loving and more compassionate and more gentle in our approach and we also are able to ask others for what we need. I think that's something that we don't do because we don't know what we need. Someone might ask us like what do you need? Well, I don't know. Now we know.

Speaker 1: 9:14

I loved when you said decision fatigue, because sometimes at the end of the day I just feel so just like spent and it's really difficult to kind of pinpoint what that is.

Speaker 1: 9:24

But the term decision fatigue it just like was a light bulb to me. Like, yeah, I make a ton of decisions all day, every day, and as moms we not only have to keep track of our schedules but like our kids' schedules and their stuff and our stuff and all the things. And it's such a blessing to be in this vocation. But yet we have to learn ways to take care of ourselves so that we don't turn to things like over consumption of alcohol, food scrolling and all those things which inherently are not necessarily bad. It's just that we are not using them always in the way that they were intended for us. And what I love about the temperaments is how you are saying that they're not fixed. But that brought a question to my mind are we born with a certain temperament, or is it something that is developed just based on, based on our environment and interactions that we have with other people? And then could someone like me, who's a sanguine, ever change into like a cleric or something else as I get older?

Speaker 2: 10:44

Yeah. So this is the next question. So I love the way that Claire Dwyer explains this. She says all the graces that we are given through prayer and the sacraments and the generous outpouring of a loving God act upon the raw material of our nature. Understanding that nature allows us to be more supple to the work of God as he perfects it and more loving towards those around us who are also works in progress. So what all of that means is that we are given this raw material at birth, the way that we were created. The raw material is our natural temperament, which is really the way that we respond to something.

Speaker 2: 11:22

So we each have a predominant temperament and I'll explain what the temperaments are. I'll break them down into the four categories. Our predominant temperament is most easily identified when we are kids, because this is when it's just naturally gonna come out. Over time we can grow in the virtues of other temperaments. So if we were to look at a saint in their adulthood, at the end of their life, we may not know what temperament they were, because they have so evenly balanced out through the work that they have put in and their growth in the graces and receiving the graces that God has given them to grow in virtue, to kind of even these all out. Jesus was the perfect culmination of all of the virtues. The rest of us we have all four temperaments, but we don't have them in the same amounts. So, to answer your question, we will each have one that is predominant. We typically have a secondary that is fairly high as well, and then the other two are gonna fall behind. Now if you were to take a temperaments assessment and you're like man these are both really close but they're opposing temperaments some people would say that that's like something is mentally off, like that's not possible. But really it's most likely that you're getting those results because you are answering based on strategies that you've taught yourself to use to cope with a deficit, and so they might come up higher, for example, a caloric and a phlegmatic or opposing temperament. So it wouldn't be likely that you would have both of those really really high. But if you do, it could likely be because you have just trained yourself to respond differently in different situations. So I'll just break down really quick the four temperaments for anyone who is not familiar with them.

Speaker 2: 13:17

There are all kinds of personality assessments that are out there. I love the temperaments because it's very simple. There's only four of them, and we know that our God is a God of order and not of chaos, so he has given us these patterns to recognize where we fall and where we land, and also, this particular assessment is very in line with church teaching, and there are some out there that are not, that are kind of new age, or they call on different things that don't align with our faith, and so I love that about the temperaments. The easiest way to break these down is based on your response time. So a caloric is someone who is quick to react and slow to move on. They are strong leaders, they're passionate, they're decisive. One of their vices, though, is that they're really prone to anger, and I can dig deeper into these as we go, but I'll just do like really short overview, okay. So if we're thinking of strong caloric, we might think of someone like Saint Paul or Saint Ignatius of Loyola, like these fierce leaders, saint Francis de Sales, but they're also going to be more prone to anger in their youth. If we were to look at them, a really strong caloric if you ever watched the movie Friends, it would be Monica. Monica would be like the caloric Sanguines.

Speaker 2: 14:38

These are people who are quick to react, but they're also really quick to move on Like they are not going to hold a grudge. Obedience comes really easy to them. They're talkative, they're outgoing, they're friendly, but they also can fall into being very impulsive. They're very ruled by their emotions or things that are comfortable. They don't want to do things that are really hard. They don't have a great attention span, but they love fun. They love fun, they love creativity, they love community. So if we were thinking of saints Saint Peter, saint Teresa of Avila, saint Rose of Lima these are going to be some of our sanguine saints.

Speaker 2: 15:21

The melancholic this is an introverted temperament. So the first two are extroverted, introverted Melancholics are slow to react, but they are not going to forget soon. They're going to let this thing linger for a while. They're your very deep thinkers. They're your perfectionists. They want the details. They're going to be the person asking all of the questions.

Speaker 2: 15:44

Sometimes, due to their nature, they can be overly worrisome. They can tend to procrastinate, but they make really great friends Like to have a melancholic friend is really great, because they value deep and meaningful conversations. These are not going to be your surface level people. They want to go deep. One of their biggest faults, though, is that they can tend toward ruminating thoughts or over perfection, and they are very harsh on themselves. So they have a very high level of mortification, but they are very, very hard on themselves and can kind of tear themselves down if something doesn't go right. They would be the people who would tend towards screwbulosity most likely. So well-known melancholics would be St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross is believed to have been melancholic. Moses in the Bible, st Bernard of Clairvaux and St Teresa of Lissue was also a melancholic. So I think of Ross from Friends again the Friends reference or Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.

Speaker 2: 16:47

Yeah, and then we have the phlegmatics. This is our last introverted temperament. These people are slow to react. They're quick to move on. They are balanced people. They are the peacemakers. They don't want to ruffle feathers. They are amazing to have in the room with choleraics. We need them. They remain cool under pressure. They're not overly motivated on their own, but they can be motivated by others. They're very dependable. They're very loyal. They like structure. They like simplicity. They can struggle with setting boundaries because they are extreme people pleasers Sometimes can appear lazy, but really they're just very laid back and they're good at finding the easy way to do something. Phlegmatics the most well known is probably St Thomas Aquinas or, if we're looking at the Bible, abraham would be phlegmatic.

Speaker 1: 17:47

Wow, that is so fascinating. I'm like, as you're listing all these things I'm like thinking of, like my family members and my husband and myself and so like as I was telling you earlier. So I took the temperaments assessment and I got 87% sanguine and even though so, and then I had told you that I got 70% caloric and flagmatic, which, like you are saying, is opposing, and then 53% melancholic. I could, when you said that the that you can tell your main temperament more by looking at who you were when you were younger, I can completely see that like I was a total sanguine most of the time.

Speaker 1: 18:39

I like to tell people I'm an introverted, extrovert, like I can talk to anyone anytime, anywhere and I'm always up for you know, like an adventure and stuff, but I really love being at home, I'm a homebody and enjoy just like being with my family and stuff too. So I do have like opposing, like personality traits, but I can see how that was maybe not who I was at the beginning and it was something learned just from environment or experiences and things like that. And then also, knowing my husband is caloric, melancholic, like for sure, like there's no question, as you are like saying that, and it does help, I think, to know the temperaments of others, because then I can, instead of looking at him like why aren't you like so spontaneous and want to go do this thing? That I think is amazing, and I'm trying to talk you into it and he's like no, I really had this plan to do. Blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2: 19:41

And this is what we're doing.

Speaker 1: 19:44

I can be more understanding of, like, where he's coming from, I think, knowing a little more about his temperament. So I can definitely see how knowing both your temperament and your spouse especially, it could be extremely helpful, but then also knowing the temperaments of your kids as well.

Speaker 2: 20:07

Yeah, and especially as you break these down even more into where the strengths and the weaknesses lie. So sometimes you'll take this husband. For me, caloric shows up as my highest sing when in melancholic are very, very close following. But when I look at it, a lot of my strengths are in caloric but my weaknesses show up in the sanguine and that's why sanguine is so high. So the sanguine kind of I don't want to call them negatives, but the things that areas I can work on being forgetful, easily distracted, being led by my emotions or making impulsive decisions based on momentary feelings those are areas where I'm like okay, this is where I can improve and I can work on.

Speaker 2: 20:57

But it's different for everyone. So someone else might have the same top two but it might be flipped. So it's really just getting to know these different characteristics and the assessment that you're talking about. Just to your listeners know, this is the one that's put out by Metinway, a Catholic. I'm certified through them. There are different temperaments assessments. I'm prone to this one because I've taken several and it seems to be the most accurate. But when you do take this, the misconception is that your percentages will add up to 100% and that's not actually the case it's just going to give you, the highest percentage is your dominant temperament, and then the second one would be your secondary temperament.

Speaker 1: 21:40

Okay, yeah, that's good to know, because I took it and I was like, what does this mean? So that is very helpful to know about those percentages. And it kind of does. As, again, you were talking about the different qualities of each person, it was like, oh, that is why those are such a high percentage and why they're so evenly matched and all that. So it kind of makes sense.

Speaker 1: 22:06

But I think to really grasp the entirety of it, being coached by someone who is certified is probably going to really help you understand those temperaments more and how they relate to your life and how you can you know the virtues and vices which I'm going to ask you in just a minute. But I think working with a coach probably helps you with that, because then you know why you might be held back from something or fearful, or why you might be getting these results that you don't want, because maybe you're like me and you're more impulsive and you know like forgetful or not organized you know whatever it happens to be. So with that, because most of the women who are listening to this podcast are, you know, realizing that maybe alcohol is becoming a problem for them, could you talk a little bit about how our temperaments might dispose us to different vices, but also virtues, as well, absolutely so.

Speaker 2: 23:16

If anyone just wants to know, kind of, what are the vices and virtues, I have a free download on my website and it's if you're familiar with the Ignatian daily exam.

Speaker 2: 23:25

I've kind of broken this down by temperament, so there's just a quick little blurb on how to pray the exam. You don't have to utilize it for that, though. So there at the top of each page for example, the caloric there's a list of things that they are inclined toward hardness, stubbornness, anger, pride, self-reliance, control, impatience and then there are also the opposing virtues that they could really pray for being meek, humble, empathetic, prudent, detached from outcomes and there's a list of questions that they can really use to reflect on their day. So, for example, like Lord, did I make decisions with you today, or did I make decisions on my own today? So that's for each temperament. If you just kind of want to break down, if you're a visual person, that's a free download that you can get, and then I'm going to go through them and really talk specifically for your audience about how this can show up with the attachment to drinking. Perfect, thank you.

Speaker 2: 24:24

So, calerics, some of their strengths are these are the type of people who are going to figure out a way to do something without being told. They're not deterred by hard work. They really want to be the best and they're not going to be threatened by disagreements. So if they go to a party and someone's like, hey, have a drink and they've made the decision not to drink, that's not really going to sway them. So that's the beauty of someone who is caloric and they don't like to waste time. So they're going to look for a quick way to fix this attachment. If they have it, they're going to be pretty good at just white knuckleing it. The struggle is they aren't going to ask for help if they need it, and that's really what they have to watch out for. They're going to try to just find a way to get it done and they might be might go too far into something. So calerics can often really struggle with malice because they want to be the best at something and they're just going to throw themselves entirely into it. They also might struggle with recognizing that they even have an a problem or have any kind of attachment, because calerics and I am one. So I can say this we think we're always right. So if someone tells us that, hey, maybe you should consider it like, maybe not drinking three days a week, I'm gonna be like I don't have a problem, I'm fine, right? So, depending on how deep this attachment is, they may need help, but it's gonna take some vulnerability for them to really ask for it. They're gonna have to tap into their motivation for winning or not wasting time, for really wanting tangible progress so that they can allow themselves to get the help that they need to create structured goals that are gonna help them be successful, because, calerics, they thrive with goals and deadlines. These are the things that are gonna keep them moving forward. They want their freedom to choose. So if they're working with a coach, the coach is still gonna have to let them make the ultimate decision, but they do need help with discernment and just help with what is success and maybe redefining that. So that's where I think coaching is so essential and the work that you do is so essential is just helping people to recognize what it is that they need and how they can really rely on their strengths to move forward. So that's the caleric. You can stop me at any point if you have questions.

Speaker 2: 26:47

The Sangwin, again, this is our other extroverted friend. They work really well on teams. They need an accountability buddy or multiple buddies, because again they're gonna be forgetful, like, oh, I made this plan that I wasn't gonna drink, but I forgot I wasn't gonna drink and I'm two drinks in. They're not easily embarrassed. They love to make things fun and they're very self-assured and confident, which is a great trait of a Sangwin.

Speaker 2: 27:18

They're social people, so if they're in social situations, they're going to wanna fit in with the social situation. So if everyone around them is drinking, they may feel like they should be drinking, especially if they think it's gonna make them more fun. So that's just something to really be aware of. Sangwins are highly creative, so I think that they can really lean into this. If I'm making a mocktail and I can put the pretty umbrella in, or I can make it fun, or I can get creative with coming up with new names for new mocktail drinks. That's something where they might really just be able to lean in or other ways they wanna have recognition for, like I said, just making things fun for everyone else, and so if they can inspire others to not drink, for example, if they can be the inspiration for someone else to not drink that's also something that they could really tap into and lean on. Sangwins may also need visual reminders, so if that's a sticky note on their very each morning right out of sight, out of mind.

Speaker 2: 28:26

I'm gonna forget all the reasons, all the health reasons, why I said I wasn't gonna drink this week.

Speaker 2: 28:32

They thrive with many rewards often.

Speaker 2: 28:35

So if they can find little ways to treat themselves like hey, I didn't drink on Saturday, I only drink on Friday, so I'm gonna reward myself with chocolate or something small, and also if they can really just seek out opportunities to entertain.

Speaker 2: 28:52

Something that's really helpful I found with my clients is if we can tap into what we call their ideal conditions and ideal conditions are things that just kind of fill them up, so I won't feel the need to reach for a drink if I'm filled through my other ideal conditions, something as like for Sangwins. Sometimes it's a stage, it's a place to perform, it's a place to excite or entertain others, a place where they can be liked, where they can be creative, where they can just problem solve then they might not be as likely to lean toward that other attachment. So just we know from creating new habits that if we can create these micro habits, like these little tiny things, so if they can already lean into what they naturally do well and create this other tiny little habit, that is going to keep them from negative attachments. That can be really helpful. As a Sangwin, do you relate to any of that?

Speaker 1: 29:55

All of that, yes, yeah, I mean I can totally see how, like trying to fit in, you know it wasn't like I wanted always to go out and party, but once I did that I really felt part of something when I was a teenager and that's kind of what kept me drinking. But I can also see, like when you were talking about the caloric, how I do wanna get things figured out quickly so I was able to get sober when I was 23 instead of waiting so many years, and I so I could identify with the other temperaments that have come up in this as well.

Speaker 1: 30:38

So I think it's good to know those because instead of thinking like, oh well, I won't be able to do it because I'm this, you can say, well, these temperaments actually work together and, as you beautifully and very thoroughly explain them, I think people can see what those things are that are helpful in maybe keeping that other temperament in check when it gets a little.

Speaker 2: 31:10

Absolutely. These are not fixed. You are not in a box and Sangwins do not like to be put in a box.

Speaker 1: 31:16

They like to do their own thing. Yeah, if you tell me something has to be some way, I'm gonna try to figure out how it doesn't have to be that way a lot of times.

Speaker 2: 31:27

Absolutely. So then we go to our introverted temperaments Melancholics once they're convicted in pursuing a goal, they're gonna kind of go all in. They're willing to sacrifice their comforts if it's for someone else. So I think that that's something they can really lean into. So if they can recognize that their drinking is hurtful or harmful to the people that they love and care about, that's something that they can really tap into. And, like I said before, they have a high tolerance for mortification. So they're not afraid of what might feel a little bit painful in not drinking. And they're really good at following rules and schedules. So a lot of times all clients are like oh, I just can't figure this out. Like you are the master at following rules, go back to the rules that you already have and just go with that.

Speaker 2: 32:18

It's really helpful for melancholics to understand the why of something Like I said, why it's not great for my relationship. Who am I hurting? How is this affecting my ability to be great? Because melancholics are perfectionists. They want everything to be absolute perfection. One of the struggles is they don't like feeling stupid. They don't like being in a situation where they're gonna feel dumb. They can also get really overwhelmed by overstimulation. So if they're in a group setting and it's like I feel really uncomfortable because I'm around all these people and there's all these surface level conversations going on and that I don't like that chit chat where I can't just have, meaning that I might be more likely to reach for a drink or something that's going to take me out of my discomfort that I am feeling. Cause that's for a lot of us, I think, why, at least for me personally, I should just say why I did reach for a drink, like I was uncomfortable in those situations. Even though my temperament is extroverted, I get very overstimulated. Being around a lot of people and I am a relator, so I like small groups, intimate conversation. Asking me about the weather or surface level things is just, it's draining for me and so knowing that, then I can kind of have a plan, and for melancholic, plans are really important. They're the people who are used to holding everyone else accountable, right? So the sanguine needs a melancholic friend to help hold them accountable. So this is a place where they might need someone else to help them and to recognize that they need that. They need their sanguine friends to help them realize that they can't have fun.

Speaker 2: 34:06

Melancholic are very prone towards sadness and we know that alcohol is a depressant. So if they're already feeling kind of sad, already feeling down, they struggle with recognizing joy because they're gonna focus on all of the sorrow around them. They're gonna take on other people's sorrow. This is where surrounding themselves with other sanguines is really helpful to help uplift them and bring them up. Melancholics really need non-judgmental compassion. They need the freedom to be able to cry and to feel their emotions however they are feeling them, whereas the same one is like I want to jump to the happy feeling, I'm going to skip over the sad feeling all the time. I don't want to feel my feelings. Uh, the the melancholic is just going to sit and ruminate, and that is where they really need their space. It's going to be a trigger for them If someone is trying to like make them peppy in an instant. So they just they need that freedom, that time and that space to really process what it is that they are feeling in the way that they are feeling it.

Speaker 1: 35:12

Yeah, I will tell you I, my husband, gets so mad at me because I'm like, well, look at the bright side. And well, at least it's not this. And he he's on more than one occasion just said can I just be mad for a minute, like can I just be mad and then I'll be over it. So I get that that totally resonates and I'm going to spend over the years to just let him be mad for a minute. But it, my sanguine tendencies can't help, but just like crop up.

Speaker 2: 35:43

You know I have to laugh in relationships because the sanguine is the person who's going to do something. Their spouse is going to get irritated and five seconds later they're going to be like, let's cuddle. And the spouse, if they're not saying, they're going to be like, no, yeah, I'm like, aren't we good? We're good, right, yeah, let's talk about it. Yeah, yeah, oh.

Speaker 1: 36:08

So funny, uh, flagmatics so.

Speaker 2: 36:09

Flagmatics. Like I said, there are peacemakers. They are very low conflict, so they do not like high tense Interactions. If they're around people who are very loud or overly emotional, that that can be, um, interiorly disruptive for them. They really like rules. They, like I said, can get easily overwhelmed. So they do better with structure and a plan.

Speaker 2: 36:36

They aren't naturally motivated, so they are going to need encouragement from others, but not nagging, because the calerics like to nag them like hey, you're lazy, why aren't you doing all these things? And that is not motivating for them. That is going to lead them to do the exact opposite. They want to be invited to give their opinion. They're not because they're introverted. They might want to share, but unless someone asks them to share, they are not going to. So they need to be invited and they need to be encouraged.

Speaker 2: 37:05

Um, so if you know someone who's like Maddox, who's maybe trying to drink less and really encouraged, then this is going to be really helpful for them. They need help with setting boundaries. So, again, that having a plan for how I'm going to show up, about how I'm going to say and what I'm going to do, uh, because they're going to want to just oh, if I say no, then they might get mad at me and that's uncomfortable, right? So having clear boundaries established is key. Um, because they are really great at following procedures. So if you have something outlined for them and it's really simple, they're going to follow through with that. Um, and, like I said, they're also really loyal. Uh, if they avoid emotionally charged situations, that can be helpful. And also if they see proof or success like if they can look at their successes in the past or proof of why something works, they're going to be more likely to hang onto that and move forward. Yeah, oh, my goodness, that is all so very helpful.

Speaker 2: 38:06

I love how you just laid out both the pitfalls and the pitfalls and the pitfalls and the pitfalls and the pitfalls and the pitfalls.

Speaker 1: 38:11

And that is also very helpful. I love how you just laid out both the pitfalls that we might experience based on our temperaments, but also how our temperaments can help us you know not, or how we can reach out for help, knowing what our temperaments are even I think that that is brilliant and I hope that that has been super, super helpful for those of you who are listening. I just the assessment that you were talking about that I've taken in that you use is from Metanoia Catholic and I can leave a link to that. Is that the one that you would always recommend?

Speaker 2: 38:51

that people take. Yeah, that's the one that I recommend you can take others. They might show up a little bit differently. I know I took one and I got complete opposite temperaments but as I read through them I was able to recognize that didn't fit. So there are other ones out there, but the Metanoia Catholic one is free. So also, just if you listen, you a lot of people can usually identify kind of what they think their temperament is. So as you listen to that, if you kind of resonated with one, that's likely that's what your dominant temperament is. But yeah, I the assessment is free and I think it's totally worthwhile just to just to know and then if you can decide, if you want to learn more about that.

Speaker 1: 39:33

Yeah, I think it's fun to to do that and not just fun, but can be very, very helpful and I think that you've done an excellent job of explaining why it would be so. So, before we close, is there anything else that we didn't touch on that you want to talk about?

Speaker 2: 39:57

If anyone wants to learn more about their temperament, so say you. Go do the Met Noi Catholic assessment. I'm doing a free workshop at the end of the month. I don't have the date finalized yet, but you can reach out to me on Instagram at Kylie Imhine, or email info at Kylie Imhinecom and I'll let you know the details or if you want to get on my list for that.

Speaker 2: 40:20

But what we do in the workshop this one is really oriented toward better relationships, but we'll break down all of these things that I spouted out are just the very surface level of your temperament, and in the workshop what we actually do is you get a workbook and we go through your contributions, your weaknesses, your internal triggers, your external triggers, and they're laid out in a way that you can see the outside, that you can see the other temperaments as well. So as you're going through it and you're like, oh, this is me, but you're curious what your spouse is or you're curious how to better relate to your children those types of things you can also see theirs, and I think that that's what really helps us grow, as much as knowing our own and also just developing healthy language around the way that we were created because the way that we are created is beautiful and it's unique and it's individual. So I think it's really helpful and we get to go a little deeper and as thoughts come up, you can get coach on the thoughts that you're having or the struggles. And at times, if I do a workshop, I've done some live workshops and I had a group of flogmatics and their first reaction was I don't like it, I don't think this is right. It sounds like flam.

Speaker 2: 41:40

Ironically, the temperaments have been around since pre-Christian, pre-christianity, starting with Hippocrates, and originally he recognized that there was a way that people were reacting you know certain patterns and he thought that it was based on their natural body fluid that was most prominent, so blood or bile or things like that. And so flagmatic actually does come from the word flam, which is funny. But now we recognize that it's more of a different approach. It's not a bodily approach, but it's very well written on and explored and so, yeah, I would just encourage anyone who just wants to know more. It's a free workshop, there's no cost. I'll send out a replay if you can't make it live, and the language is just really helpful to know and understand and you can use it to help you with any kind of attachment, whether it's eating, drinking less, whatever it is that you're working toward right now.

Speaker 1: 42:45

That is awesome. I will leave all of that information in the show notes. That workshop sounds amazing. And then I want to remind my listeners about the download the free download that's on your website that you talked about about the daily examin. That can kind of help you as you go through your day and it's based on your temperaments. And I just want to tell you I was reading a book by, like, annie Bronte, the tenant of Winfield Hall, and they were talking like the author noted, like personality, because of his singuine personality or because of his, yes. So when you just said, you know, sometimes we think like these assessments and things are so new, but they're they've been around forever, like you were just saying, even pre Christianity, which is crazy. But I realized that as I was reading that very old classic book, I was like, oh, that's so interesting. So I'm glad that you mentioned that, because I was like when I was reading it, I'm like I need to tell Kylie that.

Speaker 1: 43:49

But, yes, I forgot until you mentioned it. Because because I forget. Thanks.

Speaker 2: 43:53

And I will add the people who said I'm not like medic. I think that's wrong. We got about 10 minutes into the workshop and they're like Okay, I take it back. This is me.

Speaker 1: 44:06

I totally am. Yes, that's great. Yeah, knowing thyself right Absolutely Well. Thank you again so much, kylie. I feel like I could talk to you for days, but we can't do that here, so maybe I'll have you back on another time and for any of my listeners reach out to Kylie if you have any questions, if you take the assessment and you just need more clarity. But definitely check out her workshop and that free download and also Instagram. She's on Instagram. That's where we connected. So thank you so much for being here, kylie. Thank you.

Speaker 2: 44:50

This was such a joy and, just like you said, if anyone has questions you can reach out and I'm always happy to jump on a zoom call for a few minutes just to walk you through anything that you maybe don't understand.

Speaker 1: 45:02

Well, that does it for this episode of the Catholic sobriety podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend, who might also get value from it as well, and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing. I am the Catholic sobriety coach, and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer, visit my website, the catholic sobriety coach dot com. Follow me on Instagram at the Catholic sobriety coach. I look forward to speaking to you next time, and remember I am here for you, I am praying for you, you are not alone.