Steve O'Connor from Catholics Fight Porn is back again for a candid conversation on faith, addiction, and the power of community. We navigate the rugged terrain where personal struggles with addiction intersect with our pursuit of a spiritually anchored life.
Steve shares insights into his coaching work and the profound impact of togetherness in battling the demons of pornography and sexual addiction, a topic that's often hidden in shadows but seeks the light of healing through our collective efforts.
This episode is a tapestry of experiences, weaving my personal narrative with Steve's as we examine the effects of our Catholic upbringing and its role in shaping our responses to temptation and societal influences. It's a reflective look at how we have used substances and behaviors to cope and how these choices have led us to a deeper understanding of the sacredness of our existence and the need for a compassionate community in our journey toward self-control and spiritual communion.
Through our discussion, we bring forth the notion that recovery is not just an individual triumph but a collective victory that transcends backgrounds and unites us in vulnerability and strength.
Find Steve at https://www.catholicsfightporn.com
and on IG @CatholicRecovery
I'm here for you. I'm praying for you. You are NOT alone!
Please subscribe to this podcast so you won't miss a thing!
Join the Sacred Sobriety Lab: https://sacredsobrietylab.com
Drink Less or Not at All FREE Guide: https://view.flodesk.com/pages/63a4abe81488000c28b9ba89
Follow me on Instagram @thecatholicsobrietycoach
Visit my Website: https://thecatholicsobrietycoach.com
Steve O'Connor from Catholics Fight Porn is back again for a candid conversation on faith, addiction, and the power of community. We navigate the rugged terrain where personal struggles with addiction intersect with our pursuit of a spiritually anchored life.
Steve shares insights into his coaching work and the profound impact of togetherness in battling the demons of pornography and sexual addiction, a topic that's often hidden in shadows but seeks the light of healing through our collective efforts.
This episode is a tapestry of experiences, weaving my personal narrative with Steve's as we examine the effects of our Catholic upbringing and its role in shaping our responses to temptation and societal influences. It's a reflective look at how we have used substances and behaviors to cope and how these choices have led us to a deeper understanding of the sacredness of our existence and the need for a compassionate community in our journey toward self-control and spiritual communion.
Through our discussion, we bring forth the notion that recovery is not just an individual triumph but a collective victory that transcends backgrounds and unites us in vulnerability and strength.
Find Steve at https://www.catholicsfightporn.com
and on IG @CatholicRecovery
I'm here for you. I'm praying for you. You are NOT alone!
Please subscribe to this podcast so you won't miss a thing!
Join the Sacred Sobriety Lab: https://sacredsobrietylab.com
Drink Less or Not at All FREE Guide: https://view.flodesk.com/pages/63a4abe81488000c28b9ba89
Follow me on Instagram @thecatholicsobrietycoach
Visit my Website: https://thecatholicsobrietycoach.com
Jesus tells us to take up our cross and follow Him. It's really as simple and as difficult as that, but how do we do that in a world that is smothering us with the temptation of overindulging in worldly comforts at every turn? This is what Steve O'Connor and I will be discussing today. If you found this podcast, it is not by accident. Friend, God wants you to hear something in our conversation that will inspire, enlighten, encourage, equip or motivate you. He also wants you to know that he is with you always and you are not alone. For those who don't know me, my name is Kristi Walker and I am the Catholic sobriety coach. I'm also a Joyfield Catholic, a wife, mom, speaker and podcast host, and today, as we are recording this episode, I am celebrating 27 years of sobriety. Steve, why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself?
Speaker 2:Before I do that, congratulations on 27 years, kristi. That is so awesome, thank you. If I had a chip and if we were at a meeting, I'd be happy to give it to you or clap for you. Praise the Lord, and so my name is Steve O'Connor and I run Catholics Fight Porn, which is a ministry to help men break free from pornography, unwanted sexual addiction. We do group coaching, one-on-one coaching, and we stay connected throughout the week to hold each other accountable and to break free. We go through a course that I've created, called Finally Free, to bring you to the other side of freedom from this addiction. So thanks, kristi, for having me Appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're welcome. So today, Steve and I are just going to have a conversation, so we don't really know where this is going to go, and it will go where the Spirit leads us, and I'm very confident of that fact. So the first thing that I wanted to address is just the unique challenges faced by men and women, specifically Catholic men and women, and maybe some of the things that we were told growing up that may have led us to the choices and decisions that we made in the past. For me, I was told growing up that girls can do anything boys can do better. I actually had a t-shirt that said that, and then I was told that I didn't need a man, that if I depended on a man, that meant that I wasn't being a great strong woman. I was told that I am enough and that my truth is good for me and that your truth is good for you, and that there's no absolute truth.
Speaker 1:I lived a life of self-reliance for a very long time. I even brought that into my marriage with my husband, and that caused issues in the beginning, but thankfully I've learned over the years how to trust and let go, but it has not been easy. So how about you, steve. What are some of the messages that you heard growing up?
Speaker 2:Yeah, if you don't mind, just a quick response to that, which is quite fascinating because it reminds me of the fall in the Garden of Eden, where the devil is just always working. He always has been working and he tricks Eve into disobeying God and Adam the man does not stand up and they're all blaming each other. But Eve, the devil worked on her and I think that's why, when God revealed his plan that redemption would come through a woman, our Blessed Mother, that Satan just hated this plan and I think he hates women. I get oftentimes forced into pornography and all these things to bring men down, and it's just this one huge spiritual battle that I think we're always fighting good against evil every day.
Speaker 2:For me, growing up, I grew up in a great home, went to Catholic school all the way up until college and while I was taught all the right things to do, there wasn't the culture I think of. My wife went to Franciscan University and at Franciscan they had a beautiful pressure to do the right thing. So if you went off to do the wrong thing, you were the outcast. It was much easier to go to Mass, to go to prayer, to go to praise and worship, to go to a Bible study. That was the norm, and so, while I loved the schools that I went to and I remember them very fondly a lot of good memories it wasn't lived out. I didn't know so many things that our faith even had to offer until I was out of Catholic school. One of the main ones I think of is adoration. I was just reading on Instagram I think it was Patrick O'Hern put something up. There was a seminarian that was struggling and he was at adoration and he's looking at our Lord there, who's physically present in the Blessed Sacrament, and he says Jesus, what do you do all day? Just think he must be so bored. And Jesus says I wait for you, and that our Lord just craves time together. And that's what best friends do, is they spend time together. So, once again, great family and great education, but it wasn't lived out. I was doing sports, I was hanging out with friends as often as I could and we weren't living the faith At home.
Speaker 2:I'm the youngest of three. We had a family system. Where it was. It a lot of really good values, good discipline. I was, oh okay, this is how we do things.
Speaker 2:If you don't like it, suck it up, and so, granted, maybe you did need to do what your dad was asking you to do, but instead of suck it up maybe understanding why I don't want to do it, or coming at it from a different angle, because maybe when I was explaining why I didn't want to do it or whatever suck it up, this is just what we do.
Speaker 2:Don't talk back. And so I grew up in some instances feeling like my voice wasn't heard or these ideas or thoughts or emotions that I had weren't really valued, and so it's not to be harsh to my parents I think there's many generations where this is just how it was. It was viewed as don't challenge your talking back, even if you did it in a respectful way. I think it was seen sometimes in my family as talking back, and I think just looking at different ways of parenting and realizing that I probably still needed to do what my dad was asking, but maybe he could connect with me and then maybe show me the value in it or and I'm sure he tried but getting me on board in another way. It's not saying he did anything wrong, but I think every family grows up in a system and then we take along just these different messages that are either spoken or unspoken, and so for me, porn. Once I found it, it just made all of those uncomfortable feelings go away. So hopefully that answers your question.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that too, when I think about my addiction and why I got into it and how that relates to the messages that I got and the self-reliance that and the self-reliance that I had developed from a very young age, when I found alcohol, it was like this magical elixir that allowed me to be someone different, someone that people thought was that I was fun to be around, that I had more energy, I was more outgoing, I thought I was definitely more clever and beautiful and witty and all of these things, and that being able to change myself by consuming alcohol was an act of control. So I was using the alcohol to not only numb, not only cope with social situations and anxieties that I had about myself. But it was my way of saying I'm in charge and I'm going to make things happen, because when I was drinking I had more courage to make things happen Not always good, often not good, but in my mind and again, just what we are told in the culture, one of the things was like boys can go out and just sleep around and do all of these things and they're not looked at badly, but when girls do it, we are looked at a harlot. And so I did those things, tried to drink the boys under the table. I was promiscuous because I could and I was like, if it's good enough for boys, it's good enough for me. But I never took into consideration one, that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and God resides in me and I should treat it as such. And you get one body and you should respect it and honor it and all of those things.
Speaker 1:But two, I just didn't. I don't know. I just didn't value myself and I didn't think that other people valued me. And the only way that people would value me is if I was this other person, this person that took charge that drink, that called the shots, that did all these things that I couldn't do when I wasn't drinking, and yeah, so that definitely led me into alcohol, it definitely kept me in my addiction.
Speaker 1:And, of course, then the next morning I would wake up and feel terrible, and not just physically but oh my gosh, what did I say? Oh my gosh, what did I do? Where am I? And those types of things. And so then I have this shame, this guilt, this regret, and then I drink again because I can't face that anymore and I want to be that person again. I don't want to be this person that I just woke up to, this person that feels so much shame and she's not confident. I want to be that other person, so it would just lead me back to that time and time again. So I'm wondering, steve, as you were talking about your upbringing and some of the messages that you got about what you were saying about suck it up or you need to do the right thing, you need to know the path. Do you feel like any of those messages contributed to your porn addiction or kept you trapped in that porn addiction in any way?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I was just sharing that when your voice isn't heard. It made me feel like I was not good enough. It made me feel like I don't matter, so I'm not good enough. How come I have these ideas and they're not being valued? Or maybe my parents are listening to my brothers and not me, so it's like my brother is better than they like me, and I'm sure my brothers might say, geez, steve gets all this special treatment. Do my parents like Steve more than me?
Speaker 2:I think because of original sin, we're all wounded, but I do think my core wound is not feeling good enough, feeling inadequate, and so that did lead me. I think that's why the pornography had such an impact on me, because there's the dopamine and the reward center of the brain and even though you're looking at maybe a magazine, a video or a screen, some of the brain science is that it bypasses part of the brain that feels these. It makes it feel like it's real, even though it's not real. It's not even close to real. You're looking at a magazine that's not real, might feel like, oh, this person wants me. Now I feel like I'm good enough. Now that pain has gone away, so it's numbed it and so whenever I would feel that core emotional trigger, that I'm not good enough, porn would come in and basically just make that negative emotion go away for a time being. But, like you, you fall into this cycle of emptiness and guilt and shame. And so it's. It feeds this whole good and evil spiritual battle because it keeps us enslaved into this bondage and we are a slave to sin and the Bible says the wages of sin are death. So really not being on a very solid path Got into my faith as I realized porn and acting out was wrong. Then it became this brutal torture mentally because I wanted to stop and could not for so many years.
Speaker 2:And breaking free is like such a godsend because, oh man, now when I'm feeling like I'm not good enough, now the brain can be rewired after so many times of reminding myself that I am good enough that I give my parents the benefit of the doubt. They didn't mean to do any harm, they were just simply trying to get me to do what they wanted me to do and they were doing the best they could do. And I can look at God's promises, which are all throughout the Bible, that he cares for us, that he rescues us, that he saves us, that he's with us, that we are never alone and, at the end of the day, god made me. So if I feel like I'm not good enough, it would almost be like saying God didn't do a good enough job creating me, which is a lie straight from hell. But how easy it is as a child to get sucked into these mindsets that I'm not good enough, that I don't matter. So that's the benefit of getting into recovery, working with a coach and then being in community with other guys. We're going through the same thing.
Speaker 2:And for you, other ladies going through the same thing and realizing I'm not alone, I'm not the only one with this problem. In fact, we can help each other fight off these really diseased attitudes and ways of thinking. And one last thing I'll say is I find that it never stops. So even you're celebrating 27 years of sobriety, by the grace of God, one day at a time, I'm coming up on 11 years and that's all, by God's grace. And even stopping all that, for you you're not drinking.
Speaker 2:For me, I'm not looking at porn and acting out with myself, but I find that the devil is still always working and even when you're doing good things. He's still working on us. It could be being at church on a Sunday and thinking, oh, look at me, here I am in the pew when, oh, I receive on the tongue that person does. I must be better than them. No, I'm not better than them. So Satan is always working. And I think you go back to spending time in the Adoration Chapel in front of the Blessed Sacrament, and just simply fixing our eyes on Christ keeps us humble. And it's like when Jesus was walking on water and Peter is walking towards Jesus on water in faith, and the minute he starts looking around, sensing the weather and the storms and doubting, he starts to sink, only to have our Lord save him. But I think that wherever we're at in the journey, we've got to stay close to our Lord and myself at top of the list, because the devil's always looking at how he can attack me at the next step.
Speaker 1:So yeah, as you were talking. Also, it brought back what you were saying about Eden and Eve and how Satan told her oh, did God really say that you couldn't eat from that tree? Like putting that doubt in her mind, not telling her, but alluding to the fact so that she would make the judgment. Oh, god's holding out on me. God doesn't want me to be happy, god doesn't want us. Look at that tree, look at that fruit. It's so delicious and it looks so good and if I have it I'll be like God.
Speaker 1:But here's the biggest lie they were already like God. We're made in the image and likeness of God. So the devil takes some truth, mixes it with a lie and then feeds it to us. And then we're like, oh, and so that can lead us astray, that can have us doubting God, and when we doubt God's goodness we doubt ourselves. That can even become.
Speaker 1:When I got sober, it still took me like many years of healing of my spiritual journey to finally accept that God forgave me. I'm like I just, I keep confessing it. I just I don't forgive myself, and it keeps going. But the devil's right there. Did God really say he forgives you? I don't know if he really forgives you. Are you sure? Because here's a list of all the things you did. I'm sure he couldn't have forgiven you for that. That's ridiculous.
Speaker 1:But then somebody said to me are you saying that God isn't powerful enough to forgive you? And I was like, oh my gosh. That was such a mind-opening moment Because, like you were saying, god created us good, he doesn't make mistakes and he can take our choices, our shortcomings and all of those and bring about a greater good. And I think that's what you and I both are doing. You're doing that with men who are seeking freedom from porn, and I am doing that with women who are seeking to live a life of freedom, whether that's reducing or eliminating alcohol from their lives, because that's what God desires for us. God desires us to live a fulfilled life of freedom. The world offers us destruction. The world offers us confusion, where words don't mean anything anymore, right. Where science doesn't mean anything unless they want it to mean something. Words don't mean anything unless they want it to mean something. There's no absolute truth unless this side says it. And yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and what's interesting? The fall of Adam and Eve is so interesting Because once they both sinned, then they felt naked, then they hid themselves, so then they felt shame. And, like you said, what we're both doing is using our own brokenness to try to help others. I think we've both felt God pushing us to do this. For me, it's still hard to admit this publicly. I keep waiting, like when is so? And so going to hear this podcast and what are they going to think of me? And that's shame.
Speaker 2:And with original sin, the catechism, the teaching of our church, says this is around paragraph 400. I don't have it exact, but it says as a result of this first sin, man was inclined to do what is wrong and sunk to many evils. And so I try to work with my guys like, hey, shame is like we feel that so often, probably on a daily basis. But let's remind ourselves that our ancestors who fell in the garden introduced sin, introduced death into the world, introduced toil and struggle into the world, and because of that we're actually drawn to do what is wrong. And so all the great saints Moses was a murderer, david was an adulterer and an accomplice to murder, and Noah got drunk, and you go on and on.
Speaker 2:Peter, our first pope, denied our Lord three times when he said he never would. Paul was killing Christians on and on. The point is that if we slip up, it's okay because of our Lord's mercy. If we slip up, we run to confession. We run to confession with a humble and contrite spirit and, to your point, he will forgive us. And we don't need to doubt that forgiveness, because as far as the east is from the west, so far as our Lord put our transgressions from him I think that's from Psalm 103. So he truly is a merciful father.
Speaker 1:He for sure is. And fear is a liar, right. So that's what keeps us stuck. And when you were talking about shame, what came to me is that shame isn't 100% bad, right. Shame tells us that something is wrong. That is alerting us to a fact like why am I feeling this? So we can use that as a learning tool. We can use that as a resource to not look at ourselves with judgment or condemnation or any of those things that the evil one likes to offer us.
Speaker 1:We don't have to beat ourselves up about it, but we do have to look at it like cleaning out a closet. You have to take all this stuff out and look at all the things and sort it out and decide what you're going to keep and what you're going to throw away or donate. It's the same thing. We have to take it out and look at it, as uncomfortable as it is. Like you and I have had to do a lot of uncomfortable things like getting up being here speaking about these things that we are speaking about. It's not pleasant, but it's necessary and we are encouraged and equipped and strengthened by God, because I know that neither one of us could do this if we didn't have God's grace allowing us to do that and all of those spiritual gifts that he has equipped us with to be able to do this. So we take the shame, we say what is happening here, but don't stay stuck in it, because when you stay stuck in it, when you fixate on it, when you allow it to penetrate your soul, that is when you're going to go back to whatever that comfort is, whatever that coping mechanism is that is keeping you in a shame cycle. Don't stay there, you can get out and God can help you do that.
Speaker 1:I think another thing that we need to maybe discuss is because you work with Catholic men in recovery. I work with Catholic women. I've expressed a lot of times why I work specifically with Catholic women. It's because we speak the same language, we have similar, even though Catholics are different, completely different.
Speaker 1:Right, we have different thoughts on things, we have different perspectives, but essentially, what unites us and brings us together is the Magisterium of the Church and Sacred Scripture, as long as, whatever we're looking at or engaged in, it has to fit within those perimeters of the Magisterium and Sacred Scripture. Wherever you land on certain topics, as long as it fits within those two categories, that is what can really unite us together? But there's so much division in this world, there's so much division in our church. So, steve, what do you think, or how do you think, that we as Catholics Catholic men and Catholic women how can we work together instead of playing into this divisiveness that is just rampant in our world and again in our church, even among Catholic speakers and Catholic podcasters and Catholic influencers? There's great divide, but we do have that unity. How can we really tap into that?
Speaker 2:I think it's just to recognize the spiritual warfare. It's good and evil and the devil divides, so we can't fall into it. There's church politics. You go to the Tridentine Mass, you go to Novus Ordo and if you spend any time online, heaven forbid, you go to the Novus Ordo and feel like you're not even Catholic. I love the Latin Mass. It's fantastic, it's beautiful. So I was talking to my brother once and he said, steve, the perfect liturgy is in heaven, and so, whether it's the new mass or the old mass, I don't understand why we fight about it. And there's church politics and how certain things should be handled, and what the Pope said versus what he meant, versus what he officially declared, and all these things. I just think if you spend too much time on these sorts of things, are you growing in holiness? Are you still spending time with our Lord? Are you a noisy soul? And when I say you, I'm actually asking myself these things too. Am I following these things too closely? Or am I making sure that I'm tithing 10%, or that I'm relaxing with my family on a Sunday and I have my prayer time in and I'm reading scripture every day? American politics forget about it.
Speaker 2:The media, this big bullhorn that I think we all know that if you turn on the news, most of it's negative. Whatever side you're on, most of it is negative. How much of the news is uplifting? And so we can get the weather on our phone and we can get sports on our phone. Why we follow the news, I'm not sure, and I did it for years and in my opinion it's one big distraction. And maybe it's fine to read a couple of headlines. And, by the way, I'm not telling people what they should do. I think everyone should discern for themselves what's prudent, what's not prudent. I think you should recognize where it takes you and if you can look at the headlines and just get the drift and figure out where that does fall into Catholic Church teaching and biblical truths, that's great. But even just other people's choices and their freedoms were judging them because they did X, y or Z. Our Lord says in Matthew 7, not to judge one another, because as you judge them you will be judged, and how harsh you judge them, the same treatment of harshness will be judged upon yourself and the whole log splinter in the eye. And so Jesus is the judge when he comes back. So we don't need to be judging other people, and I think we need to focus on unity and focus. The same goes for apologetics.
Speaker 2:If you're talking to a Protestant who's not Catholic and you want to school them on all of our beautiful truths, we do have to speak the truth and love, and so it's often so helpful to speak in terms of unity. Here's what we have in common. Let's start here and then maybe we can talk about what we disagree on. But if we have these debates or things and then we come away and we're angry with a person or we're judging them or we're resenting them, then really it sounds like we're hurting ourselves.
Speaker 2:But if we are building them up, looking at our unity, looking at how we can strengthen one another because iron sharpens iron then this is a good thing. This is time well spent. So I just think, when two people are fighting, how can we unite? And recognizing that so often. Sometimes you need a good disagreement, sometimes someone's being treated unfairly, address it have boundaries. But if it's maybe current events and what the media is pushing, I think we just have to be really careful of how we get sucked into these things. And if we're being divided, I think that's the red flag, because Satan divides.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I completely agree with that. When you were talking, I was thinking a lot of the women that come to me have during COVID is when their alcohol use escalated, because it just changed everything. It really was a lot of pressure and I feel like it just poured gasoline on the disunity that was already rampant at that time and it just made things really crazy. I guess, if I had to say what my COVID addiction was, it wasn't alcohol, it was the fact that I did get so wrapped up in politics, which I had not been in before. I was so wrapped up in what I thought should happen and I thought I should do, and I was really judging other people's choices against mine and other Catholics. And I'm not that person. That's not who I am before that, it's not who I am after that, but it's who I was during that. And thanks sweet God, I woke up and I was like Christy, what are you doing? You're mad all the time, you're angry, you're paranoid, you have anxiety, which you never have, anxiety, and I felt just so oppressed by the government, by other people's voices, by other people's opinions and my mom said it, and actually you talked about it too when you were talking about when Peter was walking on the water. Keep your eyes focused on Jesus. Like all that other stuff it doesn't matter. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus.
Speaker 1:Now, as Catholics, we need to be informed at some level. I agree, but I too used to be very tied to the news. I don't watch that anymore. I get my information when I need that information. I mean, I got to tell you that we had a big snow and ice storm. I didn't even know it was coming until five. People are like what about the snow and ice? I'm like I have no idea what you're talking about, and it was because I don't watch the news. I don't know what the weather is going to be. It's going to be whatever it is, and I'm fine with that because I can't change it. And I think sometimes people watch the news or get they make an idol, and they I say they, I did it too, so I'm counting myself as one of they. We make an idol of things of this world and put so much importance into it, like church politics or American politics, world politics. What other people's choices are on different things? There are things that are important, but again, we need to put on our Christian worldview glasses and look at it through those lenses, look at it through the eyes of Jesus.
Speaker 1:Sit with God. Like you were saying, we have a friendship with Jesus and when we sit with him and when we ask Lord, what is your? What do you want me to know about this situation? What do you need me to do? What are you calling me to do? What is the holy discontent that I'm feeling? What do you want me to do with that?
Speaker 1:That's where we're going to not stay stuck in the confusion that Satan wants us to be in. That's where we're not going to stay stuck, worried about what other people are doing or what other people are thinking. That is going to give us the freedom to just live joyfully and increase our faith, which is going to increase our love, which is going to help us reach out to those where we can and just shine Christ's light and love and, most of all, give them that message of mercy. Jesus is there for you, he's waiting for you. Like that St John Paul II quote. I love it. Like it is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness. He is waiting for you when nothing else satisfies you.
Speaker 1:We look around this world and we see people trying to. I live in Washington. Marijuana is legal here. There are marijuana shops everywhere, brightly colored neon everywhere and they're saying here, here's your comfort, this is going to make you feel good, this is going to make you not be so anxious or be able to deal with life.
Speaker 1:That is a lie. That is such a lie. That is a trap. Alcohol is a trap. Pornography is a trap. Scrolling is a trap. But here's the thing God gives us pleasures to enjoy right, ordered sex in the context of marriage, for intimacy between a husband and wife, for procreation. That is good, that is noble. That is what it was created for. Alcohol is not an evil thing. Like people can have it and enjoy it and seek pleasure from it. But it's the disordered. I'm using it as a crutch, I'm using it as a tool. I'm overusing it, I'm over-consuming. That is where it becomes disordered and that's where it can cause problems. And the same thing with technology we're able to talk to each other and talk to you through the amazing wonders and gifts of technology, but it can be misused so, so badly. So it's all about just keeping our eyes on Christ temperance, moderation, discernment and just doing what he's asking us to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I agree with all that, and I got swept up with the politics as well around COVID time. But then you break out of that and you realize it's like taking a fourth step. In AA we take an inventory of ourselves. Basically, if I was to do a column, how much time did I spend following the news versus how much time did I spend with our Lord? I spent more time with the news and to me that's embarrassing because I also agree with what you said.
Speaker 2:It's good to be informed. We do need to know what's going on. I don't know if we need to know, but it's a good thing because, for all we know, there's stuff coming down the pike that we should be informed about and aware of so that we're ready to respond. But are we spending more time on the news than with our Lord? And that's for me that's the ultimate litmus test. I want to spend more time with our Lord because, no matter what comes down the pike and what we have to deal with in the future, if I have our Lord I have everything and, like you said, jesus Francis Fernandez says if I possess Jesus, I have happiness. Happiness is to possess Jesus and, like your JP2 quote not that I don't care about the news, it's just that it wasn't healthy and to me it was a distraction. So I can spend that time helping other guys and growing community. But what I love about recovery, christy, is that you have everyone from every walk of life, that's, if you're at a 12-step group, you have everyone and everyone in anyone different backgrounds. And then with what we're doing, we're working.
Speaker 2:We're trying to work with the Catholic folks because we know there's such a need in the church for this. Even within the Catholic world you still have people on this side or that side, but it doesn't mean that they're bad people. Their opinions are shaped on what they believe is right. But the beautiful thing with recovery is those things don't matter. What does matter is am I acting out, am I staying sober, am I getting well?
Speaker 2:And typically you figure out how to stop, how to stay stopped, and then, because you're not infected and a slave to sin, now our spiritual life can take off because we are free. We are more free to love our Lord. None of that other stuff matters. And in recovery to me personally is because we focus on kind of these acute problems For you why are you drinking so much, and what can we do to drink less or not at all? For me, okay, why did you look at porn last night and how can we root this out of your life? And typically it's connection with others and connection with God. To me, those are the important things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree and really you're right. It's like porn use, alcohol use, drug use, scrolling overeating All of those are a symptom of a greater need that we're trying to fill.
Speaker 1:And so that's really what the work that you and I do with our clients respectively is to get to that root. Because once you get to that root then it's a lot easier to, because you can remove it, like for alcohol. You can remove it and for most people, within 30 days 90 days, actually, about 90 days those neuro receptors are already set and you're back to where you are. But if you still have that root cause, then it's very easy to turn right back to that addiction, even when everything else is fine. You're not addicted to it physically. All your neurotransmitters are good. You've even maybe changed the habit of having it at night or whenever it was, but it's so easy, as soon as something comes up, to go straight back to it. So we have to.
Speaker 1:That's really where the soul work comes in, where we sit with Jesus, and I think that's part of why I personally want to work with Catholic women. We speak the same language. They understand the importance of the sacraments and the power of the sacraments, just like you were talking about. We avail ourselves of the sacrament of reconciliation. We open ourselves up. God can pour in His grace. It strengthens our spiritual gifts that we've been given by virtue of our baptism and those are for us, to fortify us and strengthen us. And then we have, like, our charisms that were given and those are for the building up of the church. Those are for all of us to work together. And that's you and I are doing that right now. Right, we're using our unique charisms, our natural talents, our worldview, our experiences all of those things that make you and I uniquely who we are and unrepeatable. And for all of you listening, you have that same grouping of experiences, of natural talents, of charisms to work together. When we do that and we have that community and that support, it makes it so much easier to get to the root of the problem and just rip that right out so that we can be free and we can be open.
Speaker 1:Now does that mean we're gonna go out, we're not gonna send? No, I still spend too much time on Instagram sometimes. I will sometimes overspend or overeat or whatever it is, overindulgent things, but once you have that awareness, you can stop yourself and be like wait a second, what's really going on? Like you said, steve, a lot of times, it's connection for all of us, for whatever that that vice is, that we're holding on to it's feelings of unworthiness. It's just seeking connection. It could be that we're tired. What's that? You're hungry, angry, lonely, tired. What do you think about that, oh?
Speaker 2:you're right on it's. Yeah, we have to right, we have to use these gifts and I think I do think the world is definitely pushing us in a direction and there there have been some kind of unified voices these past few years. And so what was interesting to me is our lady, 158 years ago at La Salette, said all the civil governments will have one and the same plan, which will be to abolish and do away with every religious principle to make way for materialism, atheism, spiritualism and vice of all kinds, for disorder and the love of carnal pleasures will be spread all over the earth. So once again, 150 plus years ago, all civil governments will have one in the same plan it feels like that it does Abolishing religious principles.
Speaker 2:Our country some people say we're in a post-Christian America Still Christianity is very strong here, but further and further we seem to be getting away with it. Materialism, consumerism, endless shopping how easy is it to buy anything on Amazon and have it appear the next morning? Atheism you think of the spread of communism which has been around for so long Spiritualism perhaps our lady speaking of this new agey, spiritual but not religious, vice of all kinds alcohol, pornography, affairs and, like you said, drugs carnal pleasures will spread all over the earth. It's pretty profound. And then you look at our lady of Fatima, who came along I don't know what 70 years later and she tells Sister Lucia that the final battle between the Lord and the reign of Satan will be about marriage and the family. And you think of divorce, you think of the harmful effects that has on children, and then those children don't want to get married nowadays. Then they're not having children. You look at how rampant abortion is. You look at how some people are confused about who they are. You can definitely feel the tentacles that Satan has over the earth.
Speaker 2:Now there's great hope because our Lord wins in the end and I think we all know that God wins. That's right in the Bible and our lady will crush the head of Satan. So we've got to stay close to our lady. And so there's great hope. But it doesn't mean that there won't be these sufferings that we all will need to endure, because our Lord endured them on the cross. But there is good news. I think it's building community, getting with like-minded people, building each other up in holiness.
Speaker 2:This universal call to holiness Saint Paul said 2,000 years ago behold, now is a very acceptable time. Now is a very acceptable time. Now is a good time to bond with one another. Let's put our differences aside. Let's make sure that, if you do scroll, that you've already prayed to our Lord during the day. Give to God the first fruits, give him your time, give him your talent, give him your treasure, and then you can do some scrolling if you want to. But let's make sure we're building each other up, that we are not staying divided, because that's what Satan wants.
Speaker 2:So, whether we are in a time of a remnant church, we're called to look at the signs of the times. Good is being called to, evil is being called good. Maybe we're close, maybe we're not, but I think we are always called to do God's will. So it makes it easier when you're in community. Recovering from any of these crutches and coping mechanisms is easier with one another.
Speaker 2:Instead of leaning, the Bible says lean out on your own understanding. So let us not lean on our own understanding. Work with a coach if you need a coach. Work with Christy if you need help in this area of your life. Like she said at the beginning, if you're listening to this and you've listened before and you feel like you need help or it's your first time coming across us. Maybe our Lord put this in front of you Not trying to manipulate you or anything like that, right? But maybe just looking at, wow, how did I come across this? Why did God put this in front of me? So, anyways, we're here. We're Catholics that love our Lord, that need mercy, that still screw up, that go to confession, but that love our Lord and try to stay on the right path and keep our eyes fixed on Him.
Speaker 1:I think that the world will be such a more beautiful place if we can just start there. People don't necessarily want our words. They want to see God's love in action.
Speaker 2:And recovery is all about action, it's not about our intentions. And yet another great scripture versus that, when you think, oh man, what if hard times are coming? Or even if they're here now? Not to be afraid. John Paul II was always saying be not afraid. Echoing the words of our Lord, and again from the Bible, it says perfect love, cast out all fear and speaking of fear.
Speaker 2:As we're recording today, the church celebrates the Feast of St Polycarp. Interesting name, polycarp, but he was, along with Ignatius of Antioch, a disciple of John the apostle, and then followers of Polycarp were Irenaeus and Turtulians. I think Polycarp was 86 when he was martyred, was burned at the stake in 155 AD, but he wasn't about to turn away from our Lord. We have to pray for perseverance during these hard times, but his example and all the martyrs should give us strength and courage not to abandon the cross like 11 out of the 12 apostles did. They were not present at the foot of the cross, so let us stay close to our Lord at the cross. There is hope.
Speaker 2:And I don't know, was it not Saint Joan of Arc who said I was born for such a time as this? So, even if things are hard, that's the way of the Christian, and it's actually very exciting times if you can look at it from that way. So if you need help in any of these areas, reach out to Christy myself. We are happy to help. We'll point you in the right direction. I know for me. You can go on catholicsfightporncom and book a free 20-minute call with me and figure out if it's right that we work together or not. I'm sure Christy offers the same thing, but really having a firm foundation of sobriety gives us the freedom to break free from sin and to fully live the life that God has called us to live.
Speaker 1:Amen, I think you said it well. So thank you so much, steve, for this very worthwhile conversation. I think we could have talked for hours, but we have to keep it short. So well, we did not keep it short, but we had to keep it to a time limit. So I think that, as Steve was saying, if you need help, we are both here for you. You can find me at the catholicsobrietycoachcom or on Instagram at the catholicsobrietycoach, and let's have this conversation, another conversation like this again.
Speaker 2:And I'm on Instagram at Catholic Recovery. Now, if you struggle with the internet, stay off the internet, but if it's okay, check us out and we're happy to help.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much and we will talk again soon.
Speaker 2:Thanks, Christie. Have a great day you too.