Ep 113: How Embracing Progress Over Perfection Can Keep You Motivated

Have you ever wondered why your New Year's resolutions falter before January's end? Join me as we explore the concept of progress over perfection, especially in the realm of sobriety goals. With National Quitters Day looming, it's more important than ever to reflect on the progress we've made instead of focusing on what hasn't gone perfectly.

 Together, we'll delve into understanding your 'why' and how celebrating small victories can lead to sustained success on your alcohol-free journey. I introduce a powerful yet simple method for tracking your alcohol-free days, transforming potential setbacks into motivational stepping stones.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Progress Over Perfection in Sobriety
• 13:57 Building Support Systems for Sobriety

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives, women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason. I am your host, christi Walker. I'm a wife, mom and a joy-filled Catholic, and I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach, and I am so glad you're here. I am publishing this podcast episode on January 10th. Well, you may not know this, but the second week in January is called National Quitters Day, and this year it lands on January 10th. National Quitters Day might not sound like a day worth celebrating, and it's not really one of those celebration days per se, but it is a day that we should be aware of. If we do have goals and I have goals and maybe you have goals for the new year we need to be aware that this could kind of trip us up. There's nothing magical about the second week. It's just that studies show that about 23% of adults have already given up their New Year's resolution by today. But here's the thing. I don't think that should discourage us. Instead, it's a great reminder to pause, reflect and reset our intentions. We want to think about our why, why we are doing this in the first place? If you haven't listened to my last podcast episode, I would suggest that you go and do that, because I provide some tips on how to get through dry January. If you're doing that and beyond, or even if you're just wanting to drink less whatever time of year it is, so you might want to go back and listen to that. It's episode 112. But if right now, you are feeling a little shaky about keeping your resolutions, or maybe you feel like you've already not done a great job, believe me when I say you are not alone. This was actually a big conversation in the Sacred Sobriety Society this past week during our coaching call, and it's something that we're all kind of struggling with.

Speaker 1: 2:33

But what I want to do is help you reframe your goals and focus on progress, not perfection. So if, up to this point, you've had some slips or missteps, don't even worry about it. I want you to look at that from a place of curiosity and just use that to learn as you move forward and work toward your goals. There is still plenty of time left to achieve your goals of drinking less or not at all this year. It doesn't have to be perfect and you don't have to string together a whole bunch of alcohol-free days for it to count. Today, I want to help you reframe your goals and focus on progress, not perfection. To do that, I'm going to share some practical and positive tips that are going to keep you on track. Whether your goal is reducing or eliminating alcohol, or striving for personal growth in other areas, progress is what really matters, and I'm here to remind you that falling doesn't mean failing.

Speaker 1: 3:39

Now grab a cup of tea, settle in and let's chat. First, I want to talk to you a bit about mindset, because this is what can trip so many of us up, and it has definitely been a stumbling block for me over the years. It's just so important that, with our resolutions, we don't have the mindset that it has to be all or nothing. Remember, your goal is progress. You know life is messy. You know things come up and slipping up does not erase the progress you've made. I promise you it doesn't.

Speaker 1: 4:20

Now, if you think about it, let's say that you decided that you were going to walk five days a week. Right, you're like I'm going to walk five days a week. That is my goal. That's what I'm going to do. Let's say you actually only walked three days that week, or maybe even two days that week. You've still made progress because, assuming that you hadn't been doing any walking at all, you are doing more walking now than you were doing before. So that is progress. And the same is with drinking. If you think about how many alcohol-free days you've had this month compared to how many alcohol-frees you did last month, then you might be like, okay, well, it's not going perfect, it's not going exactly how I planned it to be, but I'm definitely doing better, even if it's just a little bit. I'm definitely doing better than I did last month, and so that's the mindset shift that I want you to have as we go through some of these tips. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, and be encouraged because you're making progress, okay.

Speaker 1: 5:39

So my first tip I kind of just alluded to it a little bit is to count your alcohol-free days. This tip is a game changer for so many of my clients, and we talked about this in the lab during our coaching call and the people that were on the call were like oh my gosh, that is so helpful. Just get out a calendar. Have a calendar If you don't want it up on your wall, whatever get a personal calendar or you know you can do it digitally if you want. I'm more of like a paper calendar kind of gal and you can either get stars and put stars on the days that you're alcohol free, you can get fun stickers that you love, you can just exit out, but keep track of your alcohol days cumulatively, not necessarily striving to pull together the perfect streak of alcohol-free days, and I'll tell you why.

Speaker 1: 6:40

Because, let's say, you're rocking it, you are rocking dry January because that's what you've decided you wanted to do, and you make it to day 20. And then on day 20, you just have an urge and you give into it and you drink and you wake up on day 21 and you're like now I have to start all over from day one and I don't want you to think of it that way. I don't want you to think of it that way at all. I want you to be so proud of your 21 days that you got, or however many days, even if you get four days here and two days here and whatever it is I want you to be able to look back at that calendar in January and say like, oh look, how many alcohol-free days that I had this month and be encouraged by your progress, because that can discourage us and then it totally stops our momentum, like we just stop instead of continuing.

Speaker 1: 7:48

So many of us not all of us, but so many of us would look at that and be like I failed and that's not what it's about. That's one thing that I don't always love about challenges, because challenges and the word challenge kind of makes you feel like you have to do it perfectly, and if you don't do it perfectly, why even keep doing it? But if you think about like this is a marathon, not a race, and every time you go alcohol free for however long it is, you are learning something. Like you've had to talk to yourself and tell yourself no, you've had urges come up. How did you manage your mind around that, or change thoughts that you've had so that you could just let that urge go unanswered? Or did you give into an urge and what was the thought that you had and how can you change that in the future? So I always, always, always, recommend having a notebook and keeping track of this information. You can write down, you can even just write down the date. So again, this is why this works so well, if you slip up and you have a drink, of course it's easy to think, oh great, now I've completely failed, what's the point of starting over and then you stop. But if you shift your perspective to counting your alcohol-free days, every single one of those days is a victory. Even if you have just one slip up and then you collect 10 alcohol-free days after that, those are 10 steps closer to your goal. It is progress that matters. Okay.

Speaker 1: 9:30

Tip number two focus on your why. Why did you make this resolution in the first place? Was it for your health? Did you want to be more present for your family? Maybe this decision feels like toward becoming the person God is calling you to be. Maybe you just wanted to see if you could do it. Whatever your reasons, write them down your reasons. Write them down. Invite the Lord into the process and pray over them and then, when you are caught in a moment of doubt, revisit your why to remind yourself why this commitment matters to you. So one of the ways that I invite people to discover what their why is like that why that is going to most motivate them is to keep asking yourself questions so you could say why and then say so that Maybe your objective is to lose weight, and then you would ask yourself why? And then you would say so that I have more energy. And then you ask yourself why? And then you say so that? And you just keep doing that until you get to the deepest why?

Speaker 1: 10:57

Tip number three is to set mini goals. Now, big goals can feel so overwhelming, but if you break them down into manageable steps, it will feel so much better too. So, for example, instead of saying I'm not going to drink anything for the rest of the year, I'm not going to drink anything for the rest of the year. Start by saying I don't want to drink tonight, or I don't want to drink this week, whatever seems like a smaller goal. Then, once you reach that goal, then you can expand it out. So if you say I only want to not drink today, and then you expand it out, expand it out the next day saying well, I don't want to drink for the rest of the week, and then see how that goes. When you do that, you're creating a sense of accomplishment more often, which keeps you encouraged and motivated and you want to keep going, because it really is all about taking one step forward at a time and you're building on your habits and goals. Now, the other thing is not just saying I'm not going to drink, but saying instead of, I will do this.

Speaker 1: 12:20

So when we root something out, we have to put something back in its place. So if you're going to say I'm not going to have alcohol while I'm cooking dinner, awesome, what are you going to have instead? So that could be sparkling water. That could be tea dead. So that could be sparkling water. That could be tea. That could be just water with lemon in it. You could make yourself a mocktail. So have something that you can put in its place so that it doesn't feel empty. And then also, when you are thinking about it, don't think about I can't have. When we think about I can't have, then that really can put us in a deprivation mindset. And then, for whatever reason, we want it even more. So to say I am choosing not to have it right now, I am choosing not to have it today, and then, after you don't have it, being grateful, developing that mindset of gratitude for being able to wake up in the morning and feel good and proud of your choices. Instead of, what we can do sometimes is sit around thinking like how unfair it is that we can't have that glass around, thinking like how unfair it is that we can't have that glass of wine, or how unfair it is that other people can drink regularly or not have to deal with whatever level of chaos alcohol is causing you, but thinking about what you are gaining from not drinking is what will be most helpful.

Speaker 1: 13:57

Tip number four is to build a support system Now. You don't have to do it this alone. We are not meant to. God has called us to walk alongside each other, and community is so powerful in helping us stay on track. I can tell you that, even though I just opened the Sacred Sobriety Lab January 1st, we are already having great conversations and the women are learning from each other and supporting each other, and it's beautiful to see, even just this first week with our first group coaching call and it just reminds me why I wanted to add the community aspect and the group coaching aspect to the lab. It just makes the experience so much richer, because when you find a group of supported and like-minded people or people that, even if they're not going through what you're going through, but love you so much and want to encourage you and celebrate your wins with you and let you share with them what you're going through, the ups and the downs that is so valuable. So you still have time to join the Sacred Sobriety Lab. I'm going to keep it open till the end of January. The link is in the show notes or you can go to my website, thecatholicsobrietycoachcom. But even if you don't join the lab, I encourage you to get a buddy. Do you have a friend that could do this with you? Do you have a group of friends that can do this with you your spouse, even if they don't want to do the same thing you are? Maybe they will be your accountability and your encourager. So I highly suggest that you have at least one person who is going to support you, because doing it alone is not impossible, but it is so, so difficult and it's a lot more fun with friends.

Speaker 1: 16:07

Tip number five is to celebrate your small wins. Now don't forget to celebrate your progress, because every alcohol-free day, every moment of growth is worth celebrating, and your celebrations don't have to be big. They can be as simple as treating yourself to a quiet moment with your favorite book or a podcast, or enjoying a special meal with loved ones. Whatever it is, just take time to acknowledge how far you've come. Okay, I want to also just share an encouraging reminder that is rooted in truth, rooted in our faith, and it comes from 2 Corinthians 12, verse 9, and it says my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. What an incredible gift the God's grace is. It's always enough for us. Even when we falter, his strength is there to lift us back up.

Speaker 1: 17:16

Your efforts toward detaching from alcohol, whatever that looks like for you, or any other resolution that you've decided to make, matter deeply to God, and he is walking this road with you. He wants you free. He wants you to live the beautiful life that he created for you, without feeling the need to escape or feeling the need to numb out. He wants you fully present and fully alive, and he is with you every step of the way, so you are never alone in this. I encourage you during this time to lean into prayer when you feel weak. Take that journal that you have, just let it all out to God, talk to him through your pen, or take it to adoration, or just pray out loud when you're walking. He wants it all, he wants to hear it all, and then draw strength from God, hear his voice and trust that grace will carry you through.

Speaker 1: 18:30

Now, before we wrap up, here's what I want you to take away from this episode. Resolutions, resets, whatever you want to call them, are not about perfection. They are about progress. So it's not the number of times you fall that matters, it's the number of times that you get back up, and every step forward, no matter how small, is worth celebrating. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. Share your victories, big or small, on social media and tag me, or you can use the send a text link that is in my show notes and let me know. And if you are struggling, know that I am here cheering you on, and so is this amazing community around you. Keep taking those steps forward. You are doing amazing work and I am proud of you. Until next time, may the grace and peace of Christ be with you.

Speaker 1: 19:36

Well, that does it for this episode of the Catholic Sobriety Podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well, and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing. I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach, and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer, visit my website, thecatholicsobrietycoachcom. Follow me on Instagram at the Catholic Sobriety Coach. I look forward to speaking to you next time and remember I am here for you. I am praying for you. You are not alone.