Ep 114: The Hidden Culprit Behind Overdrinking and How to Tackle It

Have you ever wondered if your drinking habits are merely a question of willpower, or if they're actually a reflection of deeper emotional struggles?  Learn to recognize the real motivations behind reaching for a drink and gain practical insights to help you embrace true presence and joy in your life. 

Together, we will also explore five key red flags that might indicate your drinking is becoming problematic and celebrate the courage it takes to acknowledge these signs.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Understanding and Overcoming Over-Drinking
• 18:47 Celebrating Progress and Recognizing Red Flags
• 26:26 Sharing Catholic Sobriety Coaching Resources

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives, women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason. I am your host, christi Walker. I'm a wife, mom and a joy-filled Catholic, and I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach, and I am so glad you're here. Hello and welcome. I am so glad that you are here today. Whether you've been following this podcast for a long time or this is your very first episode, I just want to thank you for showing up. Seriously, you could be anywhere else right now. There are so many podcasts that you could be listening to, and the fact that you are choosing to spend this time with me means so very much. So thank you. Now, in today's episode, I'm going to be tackling a very important but tender conversation. We are going to be talking about the hidden culprit behind over drinking and, more importantly, how to tackle it with compassion and purpose, and also, at the end of this episode, I'm going to give you five red flags that are going to help you discern whether or not your drinking is becoming a problem for you. Sometimes people hold off on really diving in and journeying toward alcohol freedom, because in the back of their mind, they're wondering is this really a problem? Is it really bad enough? Sometimes we compare ourselves to other people. Well, I don't drink like she does. This person always is a complete and utter mess when she's drinking and I never do that. And you may even have times when you can go a long time without drinking and then when you come back to it, that's when the chaos happens. So we're just going to talk about what might be keeping you in that cycle and how to start on the path to gaining more awareness around your drinking so that you can learn to take alcohol or leave it from a place of peace. Now, this is personal for me too, because I remember struggling to understand my own drinking habits way back in the day and I'd say I'm not going to drink tonight, or I'd set perimeters around my drinking and honestly, even though I know that I had a very severe issue with alcohol, I didn't necessarily drink every single night, like I could go days without drinking.

Speaker 1: 3:08

But then when I did drink, it was like all or nothing. It was like all bets are off. I honestly thought that it was a willpower thing. I have no willpower and I'm just broken, like there's something wrong with me. I'm looking at everybody else that seems to be able to drinking like a normal person, which they actually not. All of them were looking back but I'm like, why can't I just be like them? And I just kept failing to stick to my promises. So I was breaking trust with myself and I just thought that I wasn't going to get it. But what I didn't know then is what I'm going to share with you today, and that is that the root of our drinking habits often lies deeper than what meets the eye.

Speaker 1: 3:59

And by the end of this episode, you'll not only see how over-drinking can be a symptom of something deeper, but you'll also walk away with some practical tools to help you begin rewriting your story, your journey with alcohol. Take a deep breath, my friend. You are not alone, because we are going to unpack this together. Have you ever paused and asked yourself why do I reach for a drink? Now, I'm not just talking about the surface reasons like it's been a long day, the kids have been really loud and overwhelming but the real, deeper reasons about why you're reaching for that drink. Again, here's the truth the over-drinking isn't itself the problem. It's a symptom. It's a way that the mind and body try to cope with something else, whether that be stress, loneliness, unprocessed emotions, unresolved trauma, processed emotions, unresolved trauma, boredom, or even as a way to celebrate. It may start as this harmless treat, a reward for yourself for just making it through the day, but over time it can turn into something that we use to avoid facing the harder stuff. For example, think about those nights when you've told yourself I deserve this drink because today was Now what's really happening there? Is that drink about the exhaustion or is it about giving yourself the permission to rest, the permission to rest, to shut off your brain, to veg out? Now, this might be something that you struggle to do without alcohol.

Speaker 1: 5:55

For me, there were times that I used alcohol actually almost almost every time to numb feelings of inadequacy or frustration. I used alcohol to be part of something, to belong. I didn't want to sit with emotions or process them or think about why I needed alcohol to tolerate my friends or be somebody who I actually wasn't. I'd just pour myself a glass of whatever or go to the bar and order drink after drink. But what I realized is that every time I drank to avoid my emotions. I wasn't just numbing the bad stuff, I was also numbing my ability to actually feel joy, true joy, true connection and true presence. You see, when I was drinking I felt like I was experiencing all those emotions, but it was veiled by this blur or almost a fog, so I wasn't really connecting, I wasn't really having joy and I certainly wasn't truly present.

Speaker 1: 7:21

It's funny because my husband and my youngest son and I were playing this game called googly eyes. It's a board game and you are supposed to put on these glasses that you can barely see out of, because they have all different kinds of like they're, they're cut in different ways, like faceted in different ways, so you can't really see the paper. You're supposed to get a word, draw a picture and try to do it while looking through these googly eyes. And we were having fun, and it was. We were laughing a lot, it was a really fun game.

Speaker 1: 7:59

But what I was thinking about is that's kind of how I would view everything when I was drinking, like I would have those blurred goggles on. I mean, sometimes they say like oh, you have pure goggles or whatever, and there's something to it. You can be in the moment, you can be experiencing all the things, but when you have those blurry, pixelated faceted goggles on because of alcohol, it can be hard to really be present. So now I want you to take a moment right now, just pause and reflect. Does this resonate with you? And I want you to ask yourself what might your drinking be masking? What are those things that you don't want to face, that you are using alcohol for Now?

Speaker 1: 9:07

This is where the shame cycle often comes into play, and maybe this will sound familiar to you. You overdrink one night and then the next day you feel super guilty, completely ashamed, especially if you've done something or said something to somebody that you wish you hadn't. And, of course, you have disappointed yourself because you broke trust with yourself yet again. Because you've broke trust with yourself yet again, you tell yourself I shouldn't have done that. But that feeling of shame, it can lead you right back to the very thing you are trying to avoid. It's a loop, it's called the shame cycle, and the more guilt you feel, the more tempting it can become to numb those feelings with. You guessed it, another drink. But I want you to listen closely because this is so important.

Speaker 1: 10:03

This cycle is not a reflection of your character, your worth or your ability to change. It is not your identity. All it is is simply a pattern, and the good news is, just like any other pattern, it can be interrupted. And that's the work that I do with my clients and with the ladies who are in my sacred sobriety lap. As we get curious, as they begin to get more awareness, and that shame turns into curiosity and compassion instead of judgment, that's where change begins. That is where the transformation begins to take place, and that's what I want to help you with today, too. So now let's talk about some steps that you can take to start tackling your over drinking in a way that feels gentle and sustainable. Now I've got some steps for you. Think of these tools as something just to kind of keep in your tool belt. You are building yourself a tool belt, so when you get into certain situations where you may be tempted to drink, you can pull out some of these tools and as you use them more and more, they are going to help you redirect your mindset, redirect your body, so that you can start a new habit loop and get off that old one, that old, well-worn path.

Speaker 1: 11:42

The first thing to do is pause and reflect before pouring that drink. Take 30 seconds to pause and ask yourself what am I actually feeling right now and what am I hoping this drink will do for me? This tiny, simple pause can actually help create a moment of awareness. And sometimes my clients will say like I didn't even really want a drink, I just picked it up and had it Because, again, it's that well-worn habit loop. It's almost like your brain is like and this is what we do now, this is what we do here, but you can just tell yourself I'm choosing not to now and by getting curious and creating that moment of awareness of what do I really need right now, what am I feeling, what do I hope this drink will do for me, what, what do I actually need can change the trajectory of what is about to happen. Number two is to explore alternatives. I talk about this a lot because, instead of reaching for alcohol, you can ask yourself what is one thing that I can do to support myself in this moment? Maybe it's grabbing a journal, maybe it's stepping outside and going for a walk or texting a close friend.

Speaker 1: 13:25

You can also have alternatives to your drinking. So many of my clients say that they drink while they're cooking dinner. Sometimes their spouses know about it, sometimes they don't, but it's such an automatic thing that they do. So what I always say is have an alternative. Whether that's a sparkling water, mineral water, maybe you make yourself a fun mocktail. Sometimes it's the ritual of the drink that is what you are craving, not the alcohol itself. So if you drink from a wine glass typically, then put sparkling water, maybe add a shot of apple cider vinegar into it and have that be your drink that you have in your hand while you're cooking dinner or doing the dishes or sitting in front of whatever show you want to watch. You can also have things like a cup of tea, or something I love is golden milk. It's like a turmeric milk that actually helps relax you. It's something that's nice to have in the evening. Just find something different to substitute it, because we don't want to just take something away and not have anything in its place, because then it's really easy for you know things to creep back in. So find an alternative, a non-alcoholic alternative, or something else to do that is going to disrupt that urge or that craving, so that when you do want to say no, you can say no and you can stick to it.

Speaker 1: 15:59

The third step is to set boundaries with intention. So I always encourage people to write this down at the beginning of the day what is your intention with alcohol? Is your intention you're going out with family tonight to celebrate and your intention is to have two drinks max? Then write that down. Two drinks max, then write that down. If your intention is to not consume alcohol that night, write that down. Because sometimes just telling ourselves like I'm not going to do it, that's great to do, but then when we break that, we break trust with ourselves. I find that the act of actually writing it down specifically on a piece of paper pen to paper is so much more effective and I just encourage you to try it, because when we are setting these boundaries, instead of looking at it as restriction, we are looking at it as a plan, as almost self-care, because you're writing it down and this is just a promise that you're making to yourself.

Speaker 1: 17:15

The fourth step is to seek support. So this kind of goes along with your setting boundaries and intentions is to actually have accountability. So, whether that's your spouse, a friend, being in a community like my sacred sobriety lab, just having people who understand what you are doing and what you are navigating can make an incredible difference. Plus, they can add an extra layer of accountability, because if we are just accountable to ourselves, we can let ourselves off the hook pretty easily. So like when I am setting an intention on something, like I tell my husband I am going to get up at five o'clock every day this week and work out. Now if I tell myself that and I just say that I'm going to do that and he doesn't know that, then it's really easy for me, as soon as my alarm goes off, to be like no, I'm not going to get up. But if I actually tell him, then he's kind of my accountability partner and he will actually wake me up and say hey, it's five, do you want to get up? He doesn't force me, but he reminds me of my intention and then I can get up and keep my promise to myself, which builds trust. So seeking support, having people who understand, again makes a huge difference.

Speaker 1: 18:47

And finally, step five I want you to celebrate your wins. Every tiny step you take matters. So think did you pause before taking a drink this week? If you did, that's amazing. Did you journal one night a week instead of pouring a drink? That is so incredible. I want you to remember progress isn't about perfection. It's about showing up for yourself little by little. Now I mentioned this in one of my other episodes and that is you know, sometimes it can be overwhelming to tell ourselves I'm not going to drink for 30 days or whatever it is. But if you celebrate your little wins by putting a sticker on your alcohol-free days and then counting them up, you will feel much more accomplished and successful than if you're like oh, I got five days and then I drank two days and then I you know it's. We feel like we failed if we disrupt the chain of alcohol-free days.

Speaker 1: 19:57

Now I think going alcohol-free for 30, 60, 90 days is very important to do and would benefit anyone who wanted to do that. But it can be really hard to go from zero to 60, right. But if you start off by just keeping track of your progress of the first month, like, how many days can I get? How many alcohol-free days can I get? You can even do it weekly. How many days in this week can I get? It just depends on how much you drink and how often you drink. What is going to be a challenge? Because you do want to challenge yourself, but you don't want to make it too hard, so you want to have some mini wins. The first step is to see how many alcohol free days you can get in a month. The next month, see if you can get more alcohol-free days, and then maybe you can start by saying you know what I did? Pretty well, I think I'm going to go for 30 days no alcohol, because when you go 30, 60, 90 days without alcohol, your body will change, your neurotransmitters will reset, you are going to start to feel so much better and reap the rewards of not drinking. All right.

Speaker 1: 21:23

Now that we've talked about all that, I did promise that I was going to reveal five red flags that let you know that your drinking is becoming a problem. I want you to keep in mind that these aren't meant to scare or shame you. They're just signs that I want you to use to create awareness so you can take proactive steps. So red flag number one you're drinking to cope with stress or strong emotions. So if alcohol has become your default for dealing with pain, for anxiety or discomfort, that's a signal for you to pause and explore other ways to process those feelings. Red flag number two is noticing that your tolerance is increasing. This isn't a good thing If it takes more alcohol to feel the same buzz or relaxation. This is your body's way of adapting and it's really worth paying attention to.

Speaker 1: 22:33

Red flag number three you have trouble stopping once you start, so maybe you plan to have one or two drink, but then you end up having the entire bottle. And this action often will create a feeling of being out of control. And that's a huge warning sign, because if you are not free to choose, then that means that it's becoming a problem for you. It doesn't mean that it can't be reversed, but it does mean that you need to take notice. Red flag number four is that alcohol is negatively impacting your life. So maybe it's affecting your health, your relationships, your work or your ability to be present. Maybe you find yourself lying about how much you drink. Maybe you find yourself hiding or being very secretive about how much you drink or when you are drinking. So if drinking is causing these types of actions or creating distant or consequences in your life, this is for sure a time to reflect on it. And finally, number five you frequently feel guilt or regret after drinking. So if shame or self-criticism comes up often, that's a sure sign that alcohol is not serving you in the way that you have hoped.

Speaker 1: 24:03

Now, if any of these things resonate with you, I want you to know one thing it's not too late to make a change. It is never, ever too late to make a change. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to gaining awareness, to gaining clarity, to getting curious and, quite honestly, it's incredibly brave, because I know how hard it is to look at these things. It can be so uncomfortable, but I want you to know that over drinking and being worried about our drinking habits is also very, very uncomfortable. So you can be uncomfortable working towards freedom, or you can be uncomfortable and stuck freedom, or you can be uncomfortable and stuck.

Speaker 1: 24:55

All right, my friend, we have covered a lot today. You uncovered the hidden reasons behind over drinking, the steps you can take and those red flags to watch out for, and my hope is that you are walking away feeling more empowered and less alone. You've taken an incredible step just by showing up and listening today, and if you are ready to take this work deeper, I'd love to invite you to join me in the Sacred Sobriety Lab. It's a supportive space where we explore these topics and many more together. I would be so honored to walk alongside you on this journey. Also, if you want one-on-one coaching, I would love to help you.

Speaker 1: 25:47

Anyone who does one-on-one coaching with me also gains access to the lab, which includes group coaching, and the Sacred Sobriety Society, which is a community of women just like you. So remember you are stronger than you think because the Lord is with you. The Lord God resides within you, and your identity as a beloved daughter is a grace given to you by the Lord above. He loves you. You are precious to him. Until next time, I'm sending you so much love and encouragement. Take care.

Speaker 1: 26:26

Well, that does it for this episode of the Catholic Sobriety Podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well, and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing. I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach, and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer, visit my website, thecatholicsobrietycoachcom. Follow me on Instagram at the Catholic Sobriety Coach. I look forward to speaking to you next time, and remember I am here for you. I am praying for you. You are not alone.