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The Catholic Sobriety Podcast
Welcome to The Catholic Sobriety Podcast with your host Christie Walker!
This podcast is dedicated to empowering Catholics to live lives of freedom by providing tips and tools to help them be successful as they reduce or eliminate alcohol consumption. Christie Walker, a compassionate Catholic life and sobriety coach, is here to support you on your journey toward a healthier, more fulfilling life.
Are you questioning whether alcohol has taken control of your life? Do you worry about the impact it may have on your well-being? Many people find themselves in this situation, fearing the loss of pleasure and stress relief associated with alcohol. They assume that giving it up will only bring deprivation and misery. But Christie offers a different and much more positive perspective.
With Christie's expertise, you'll discover the joy and peace that come from embracing a healthier lifestyle rooted in the Catholic faith and tradition.
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The Catholic Sobriety Podcast
EP 120: When Alcohol Attacks a Marriage: A Husband's Journey to Help His Wife Heal
Kevin Wells opens his heart to share a powerful testimony of standing by his wife through her battle with alcoholism after his own near-death experience with brain surgery. This deeply personal conversation reveals how a marriage threatened by addiction found healing through unwavering faith and the guidance of an extraordinary priest.
For those currently walking alongside a loved one struggling with addiction, Kevin offers hard-earned wisdom about the virtues of fortitude and faith. His practice of contemplative prayer—"resting my head against Christ's heart"—sustained him through years of uncertainty. For those personally struggling with alcohol, he encourages heeding the conscience's warnings and making the courageous choice to seek help.
Five years into recovery, Kevin and Krista have experienced the restoration that seemed impossible during their darkest days. Their story stands as living proof that with faith, perseverance, and proper spiritual support, even deeply wounded marriages can find healing and renewed joy through Christ.
To learn more about Kevin Wells and his book The Hermit: The Priest Who Saved a Soul, A Marriage, and A Family visit his website: https://dontgiveupthefight.org/
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I am honored to introduce today's guest, kevin Wells, a gifted author and inspiring storyteller who has walked through incredible trials with unwavering faith. While Kevin himself is not the alcoholic, in his family's story he witnessed the heartbreaking cause of his wife's descent into addiction and stood by her side as she fought her way to sobriety. Kevin brings a moving perspective to our conversation today, offering insights into faith, hope and the strength that comes from walking with Christ through life's darkest moments. With Christ through life's darkest moments.
Speaker 1:One of Kevin's most recent books, the Hermit the Priest who Saved a Soul, a Marriage and a Family started out as a story about a priest rescuing a woman from the grips of alcoholism, but evolved into an incredible testament of how God restored a marriage and healed a family. This gripping, sometimes gut-wrenching work takes readers to the darkest corners of human struggle and lifts them to inspiring heights through the redemptive power of Christ. Kevin's perspective is one of hope, faith and resilience, and I know his story will encourage and inspire you, and I can't wait to dig into this conversation. So thank you so much for being here, kevin.
Speaker 2:Oh, christy, it's great to be with you. I love the podcasts that really go, that are untamed and raw and really go there, so it's an honor to be on your podcast.
Speaker 1:Well, it's an honor to have you here, so let's just get to it. The Hermit begins with a story of a priest helping a woman your wife through her journey toward sobriety, but it grows into something so much deeper. I would just love it if you could just share that story. I know it's probably a big story, so, and you can make it more concise, but just share about it and the heart of this transformation and how it impacted you and your family.
Speaker 2:Sure, well, well, christy, the, so the meat of it. Well, what happened was this with, as far as my wife, krista, and how she began to, um, secretly binge drink red wine? Um, we had been married nine years and I had brain surgery, failed brain surgery and uh, wasn't supposed to survive. And um, uh, some, some things happen in their ICU room after a priest prayed over me and praise God. Many believe the priest believes, and others from what they saw that I was healed by something not of this earth, something supernatural. And I got home and you know I wasn't supposed to live. So you would think it's time to kill the fatty calf. Hey, kevin's still alive.
Speaker 2:But what happened was this when I came home a month later you know brain surgery is serious business. You know I had to relearn how to walk and talk and all that kind of muddy mess of post-brain surgery issues, post brain surgery issues I began to really stretch myself to try and live for God alone. As far as you know, I was close to death. You know I was this close and when you're considering, yeah, I'm going to be pretty close to the judgment seat soon. And you know, I got a get out of jail free card. And when I got home I'm like God, I want to give you everything now. I don't like how I felt, like I wasn't quite set right for judgment. So I began to do all those things that a Catholic man would do, or Catholic woman. You know more. You know daily mass, more rosaries, double rosaries, prison ministry, all the things that you would do.
Speaker 2:And my poor wife, krista, um, she didn't know, I didn't know, but it opened up, um, what she would call a mother wound of shame. Um, when krista was a child, she wasn't quite loved the way, um, you know you would. You would hope a mom would love a seven-year-old daughter and um, so she, when she saw me sort of going places, she, I think, would happen when she said I can't go there or I don't feel comfortable, or why is kevin doing this? And to sort of eliminate this shame, um, that came back 25 years later. She began to uh, binge drink red wine, so she covered over the shame with that. That's how she killed it and that's when the dark night of marriage opened up.
Speaker 2:And you know, and I so, christy, I imagine you get into this a little bit, but I've I've come to believe that I don't know about pornography or drugs or any kind of other addiction, but I do know, with alcohol that Satan is directly involved because I watched my wife alcohol that Satan is directly involved. Um, because I, I watched my wife really become like a different entity. Um, she just wasn't, she wasn't uh. So, krista, if you know my wife, she's, she's got a gentle nature, she's kind, she's kind of the quiet one, the giving one. But but I saw, and it wasn't just when she was drinking, it didn't matter when it was, she was just a different entity. And I said, well, satan's, satan's got her pretty good right now and and so, yeah, so, so kind of getting to the chase.
Speaker 2:This went on for about seven or eight years. It was obviously it's tough because we have three small kids and you want a happy marriage, you want a happy home, and and finally she met a holy priest I, I, I, she met a holy priest. I know a lot of priests because I do a lot of writing and written some books about priests and I've gotten to know priests from throughout the country and I don't know if we'll ever meet another priest like Father Martin Flume. He's now a consecrated hermit. He's given his life over to God as a hermit, almost like the Old Testament prophets. He's like St Anthony of the Desert He'll never be seen again on this side of earth. But he was the one that finally really sort of took a spiral staircase into her soul, christus soul, and said we got to get. We got to scalpel out this wound of shame. And he was the one that helped her understand that God has loved her from the beginning of time and, you know, there was a will for her life and it really began to help her understand that this little demon had to go and began to carve it out.
Speaker 2:Um, and it was during COVID 2020 when, um, when a lot of moat, really, the worldwide church kind of shut down, put a moratorium on the sacraments, the mass, et cetera. He, he stayed open for people like my wife, krista, who he knew were recovering in front of the monstrance, who were going to daily mass, who were undergoing intensive spiritual direction, weekly confessions, you know, just in case there was a fall, so she was healing. The medicine was Christ and at least for Krista it was. And so, yeah, so, so that was that.
Speaker 2:It was that year 2020, you know, one of the worst years of American history. That was one of our best years because Krista gave up, gave it up. Because Krista gave up, gave it up, gave up the alcohol. And so she asked me when Father Flume left a year later to become a consecrated hermit. So he left his normal life as a pastor in the Archdiocese of Washington to become a hermit.
Speaker 2:She said, kevin, I'd like you to write the book about what this strong priest did for me during COVID, how he acted in muscularity to not shut down Because he knew people like me, speaking of Krista and others that were suffering from old wounds, old ghosts, addictions, whatever.
Speaker 2:He stayed open for us.
Speaker 2:He, he fathered us, he, he was our, he was our shepherd, and uh. So I wrote the book. And and last thing I'll say here, christy, is I thought that the book was about, um, what father Flume did for Krista. Um, but, but, um, when the book was published, um, in, the people really from all over the country and even outside the country began to get in touch with me and, I guess, krista, and say, yeah, your book's about marriage and it's what a spouse does. You know, he carries the wounded spouse on his shoulder and he climbs mountains and he goes down valleys with his spouse on his shoulder and he never quits the fight because he loves his spouse and actually the love intensifies as the wound grows deeper. So I think the Holy Spirit, in a way, wrote this book, because I, you know, I'm not a supernaturalist, I don't think, but I've written five books and this is the only book I've ever written where I thought I wrote about a priest and what he did for my wife, but everyone else said, nah, it's a book about marriage.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's such an incredible story, such an inspiring story, but the first thing I just want to say is wow, and I believe that you were healed, like Jesus still wants to heal today, and it sounds like you were miraculously healed with your brain surgery, or failed brain surgery, which ended up not being so because Christ is like I'm not done with you yet, and so you're here and you're sharing this story and many others, and so I just want to honor that and say that that is such a beautiful testament and I'm glad that you shared that aspect of your story. The other thing that came up a lot is that shame those wounds and so many of the women that I work with. You know I always say alcohol isn't necessarily the problem, but it's what people use, what we use to try to solve a problem, to try to heal wounds, to try to, you know, quiet those voices that are coming up and attacking us, that are trying to help us cope with. You know, we think if I self-medicate whether it's a mental illness or just stress and anxiety and those types of things we use it so much as a tool, and then it gets its claws in us and that brings me to the supernatural aspect of it, because I really do feel and know, and I have my own story of being attacked while I was in my addiction, probably at the height of my addiction as well and so I really do feel that alcohol is a spiritual attack.
Speaker 1:It is called spirits for a reason. It is that counterfeit version of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit Because you know, when you see very charismatic people, they can appear drunk. It's in Acts 2, you know, like these guys are drunk but they're not. It's the Holy Spirit, and so it's that intoxication of the Spirit that we're sometimes looking for. But even more than that, as you were explaining as well, like with your wife's wounds, the devil likes to poke our wounds right. He's like constantly poking at them, attacking us there and tempting us into our vice, tempting us into those things that he knows will grab hold of us and be strongholds and get us. And then the other part, last thing you just said so many great things, but the last thing is how it impacted your marriage and when you were saying that you were, you know you were moving towards Christ. You were doing all these things. You're like I've got the second chance and I'm going to do this, this and this. He was attacking her and attacking your marriage, because that's what the enemy likes to do is attack marriages and break up families and so that he could do even worse damage. But, thanks be to God, he did not get that chance with you and your family, and thank the Lord for this.
Speaker 1:Holy, holy, priest, and the fact that you are sharing this story and, yes, I believe the Holy Spirit was working in you and through you, continues to do so, but definitely through writing. Sometimes, when that happens, it's like you write something and you're like, where did that come from? And it's the Holy Spirit. So thank you for all of that. I really appreciate it. I do want to ask you because I work with a lot of women and many of them think that they're hiding their drinking from their husbands. Not that their husbands think that they don't drink at all, but they're hiding the amount and frequency that they're consuming, thinking that he doesn't know, because probably they don't want to worry their husbands. And two, they're kind of worried about what that's going to mean. And two, they're kind of worried about what that's going to mean. So can you speak to that a?
Speaker 2:little bit for these women who are worried about what their spouses will think and the impact of hiding that and that secrecy. Yeah well, I would think to answer that you could either answer that granularly or broadly. So, granularly, if the spouse who believes that she may be or he may be, but we'll just say she may be drinking too much, if she knows that her husband is a man who loves her, who really would take a bullet for her, who's not effeminate, who's not emasculated, um, he doesn't care, uh, about anything other than order and um, uh, things that are functioning well. A man likes to. A man likes to look at things and say, oh, the, the engine under this, the hood of the car, it's clicking and ticking well. Or oh, this baseball game, there's no errors, it's a perfect game, it's going well, everything's so. A man just wants things to go well. So if his wife says you know, honey, I got to be honest with you, I feel like you know, I'm probably drinking too much. Have you noticed what? I'm probably drinking too much. Have you noticed what I'm going to say?
Speaker 2:Here is two things. One, I would venture to say that 90% of men do know, but if it's a good marriage, 100% of the men will say honey, I love you. What can I do? What can we do together Because we are matrimonially one? What can I do to be a sounding board to find out why you think you might be drinking too much, and let's hash this thing out together. So, but on the other spectrum, if the spouse feels like, well, our marriage really isn't that strong and you know, I wish I could tell him this he's probably going to judge me and you know, tragically that's also the case. But in that case you can also use it, I would think, in a beautiful way where the spouse might say hey, honey, I'm probably going to disappoint you, but I want to tell you anyway because I love you, and maybe sometimes I don't show you or tell you or manifest my love for you, but right now what I'm going to share is the deepest amount of love that I can share for you, because I'm going to say something that's really going to humble me, it's going to humiliate me, but I love you, honey, and I want to tell you, and I need your help.
Speaker 2:So it works sort of in both ways whether the marriage isn't quite as healthy as it should be, or if the marriage is good, because the spouse in the marriage that maybe isn't as healthy as it should be, he'll feel like a guy likes to dirty little secret ladies, a guy likes to be pumped up, a guy likes to be sort of uh, oh, my, my, my wife needs me.
Speaker 2:You know, he's the Prince, he, he wants to help the damsel in distress, especially if the damsel in distress says honey, help me so, and that sort of makes the marriage better, um, or it should anyway. So I guess what I'm saying here is, um, where the spouse who might be viewing this right now, who who might think yeah, you know what I'm, I'm drinking too much, I'm going to, I'm going to beg you, please approach your husband and and and cough it up, you know, say, honey, this is what's going on and and I could really use your help. Can you, can we can, can we work together to, to to solve this thing? And um, so I, I just, I always think openness and candor is the best thing for a marriage.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, that is also good, and I love those two perspectives because that's really where it where it comes from. Either the husband's really ready and raring to go and help fight, or they might not quite be in that space because maybe they're struggling with their own. They might not quite be in that space because maybe they're struggling with their own. You know, maybe they're over drinking as well, and that can be another, just another obstacle, or they just don't know how to help or, you know, are in that.
Speaker 1:One of the things that does come up, and I don't know how you and your wife were before all of this, but some of the women that I work with, they get really worried because they feel like and actually, kevin, a lot of this came up during COVID is what I'm hearing Like the connection time between husband and wife was spent like having a glass of wine out on the deck because they didn't have anywhere to go, so they might finish a bottle or two together the deck, because they didn't have anywhere to go, so they might finish a bottle or two together, and those types of things.
Speaker 1:And now that once the world opened up again, you know, it was really hard to dial that back and maybe their husbands kind of were able to do that. But they're still struggling and they're worrying like how am I going to connect with my husband without that? So if they're realizing like moderation is not a thing I can do or I'm going to have to greatly reduce it, they're going to be wondering like how can I still connect with my husband without that? Do you have any advice or anything to say about that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so yeah, covid was purely from in a supernatural dimension. It shot so much evil into the world and I believe we can't shake it Like sometimes, from what I hear from friends, family, from all over, I've heard just horrendous stories since COVID that are still going on today. And sometimes I'll look up to the blue skies and if I could actually see spiritual warfare sometimes I think all I would see up in the skies is black flapping wings, because and I'll go back to what I said earlier, I know this is off topic, but when the church places a moratorium on the sacraments and you can't even visit grandma and have her anointed night, well, satan's like. Well, they're not even trying anymore Go in and part of that goes to husband and wife who are on that second bottle of red wine, or well, we got nothing else going on. You know we can't, we can't leave, and I don't want to go out into a world of masks, so let's just have another bottle of wine, so yeah, so you start this habit and and uh, you know, let's be honest, it's not a terrible habit and you feel like you have a built-in excuse. Well, honey, we can't do anything else, so let's have another glass. Um, so, all these years later, we know the masks are gone, we know the, the, the mania is gone.
Speaker 2:Well, again, I'm going to go back to sort of what I said earlier. Um, I would hope that, whether it's the husband or the wife, but in the case of of the wife, she would say hey, honey, you know, uh, something happened in 2020. And and um, and, when I look back and I pray on it and I really sort of ponder that time. We know that it was a crazy time in American history, but we were impacted by it because that was when we really began to drink more. And I don't know if we've ever stopped that habit. And I'm asking you, honey, to stop it with me, because I don't feel comfortable right now of being intimate with you.
Speaker 2:It with me, because I don't feel comfortable right now of being intimate with you. I don't feel comfortable of having, maybe vulnerable conversations without that glass of wine, and that's not healthy, because that's not how God made our marriage to be. That's not his will for us. God doesn't want wine to be our crutch. God wants us to be open and vulnerable, with no crutches. All he wants for us is to lean on him, not on alcohol. So, again, I'll say it again vulnerability, openness and honesty and candor, even in those indelicate conversations.
Speaker 2:Because I think the husband will say you know what she's right. You know, my conscience has been telling me pretty much the same thing, but I've ignored it because you know it's just another glass of wine, but no, she's right. So so thank you for leading me here. And let's just say the husband doesn't agree. Let's say well, you know what, what's wrong with wine?
Speaker 2:Well, still, if the wife believes she's drinking too much, or she can't be intimate or it's a crutch, she should still say well, honey, okay, I understand that you don't see it that way, but in great prayer, reflection and my conscience, I just have to tell you I, I feel this way about me. Um, can we, can we just, can you just ponder that, can you just think? I'm not telling you anything else, but but just just know that this is real for me and and I think the husband will say well, when he goes away or reflects on and thinks about it, he's going to come back. If he's a good man, he's going to say, honey, I, yeah, let's, let's work on this thing because I love you. And if it's a concern to you, then it's a concern to me, so let's work on this thing together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I 100% agree with everything that you said and I think that's a really good thing for the spouses to have that conversation, that open, honest conversation, and then for the wife to realize like, maybe he's not going to be 100% on board, but you have to do what you you know to heal yourself.
Speaker 1:And then you never know, a lot of times, without lecturing, without doing anything, sometimes your example is going to rub off on our spouses.
Speaker 1:That happens not just with, like, alcohol and other vices, but that happens with faith too.
Speaker 1:We see that a lot where a wife or a husband is like constantly, you know, doing the things that they need to do for themselves and for their relationship with God, and then all of a sudden the spouse is like, hey, you're a great person or you seem very joyful or peaceful or whatever, and I want that, and so then they kind of come alongside of them. So we can't underestimate the power of just making sure that you are setting those boundaries and taking care of yourself, because the Lord wants you free. He doesn't want us living attached to anything except Him and trusting Him and relying on Him. So I think that that's all very helpful information. Now I have coached some women who have spouses like maybe they're not struggling with alcohol, but their spouse is struggling with alcohol. So for those who feel powerless watching someone struggle with addiction because that's where you were at what advice do you have for those people, for remaining supportive while also protecting themselves, their own peace, their own faith and sometimes their own safety?
Speaker 2:Well, safety is a different issue. We'll kind of put that to the side for a second. In the midst of it, and I had to learn, because the first three or four years I was trying in different ways that were unsuccessful, and that's my fault. Like I thought that maybe more penances and more fast and more prayers or greater measures of love or whatever would, would sort of be the curative. And I realized, well, that's, it's not working. I mean, obviously it's efficacious always to to do those sort of Catholic heirlooms. But what I began to realize was, um, I needed to really live out two, two virtues the cardinal virtue of fortitude and the theological virtue of faith. So, um, if, if I believed that god, the, the power of the holy spirit, was limitless and that god loved krista far more than I could ever love her and he wanted her healed, um, far more than I wanted her healed, then then if I said yes, then that's faith. But the thing I really needed to do in a practical way was press on to persevere, and that's fortitude. So what does fortitude look like on a daily basis for the spouse who's not drinking? It is nailing yourself to the hardwood of the cross and it is loving as Jesus loved when he poured himself out on Golgotha, where Jesus essentially he had no consolations. He was naked in front of his mother, he was violently abused, all his best friends left him except for John. He was mocked, but still he loved. So, in a similar way as he redeemed all of humanity by taking to the hardwood of the cross, on a human level, I had to try to love in the same way. Where there was no marital entitlements, where there was no good stretches, where there was no oh consolations, I had to say well, jesus, you didn't have it, and why should I expect it? But maybe if I do it, try and do it the way you did it, that Kristen will be redeemed in the same way you redeemed all of humanity and you took away their sins. Well, I'm going to try and love by pouring myself out, expecting nothing in return. So that's what I, that's what I did. Now, the thing that I coupled that with was is I?
Speaker 2:Um, I really learned at that time to, I guess, would say, you know the carmelites would call contemplative prayer or meditative prayer, where every morning I'd get up very early and light a candle and for half hour minutes I would just sort of rest my head, um, really like a little boy up against Christ's heart, and just say, christ, you know it all. Um, you know I'm suffering, you know it's dark, you know I'm in a we're in a desert here and I worry about the kids and scared to death about Krista and uh, but you know all this, so I trust in you and, um, you're going to handle this. Um, and I'm not going to say anything else, and and um, and when, like, a worry would come in, or anxiety, or maybe the previous night was really bad, um, I would sort of beat off the little demons, the little bats, and, uh, with just a refrain just say, holy Spirit, rest on me, holy Spirit rest on me, holy Spirit rest on me. And so he'd beat back the demons of doubt and anxiety, and and, and you'd go back to rest, I would go back to resting my head on his heart, and and.
Speaker 2:So that's what I began to do every day is just is, just know that he loved me and I didn't need to speak to him about anything because he knew it all anyway. So that's what I would suggest. Actually, that's what I would urge for your viewer right now is, if you're suffering because of your spouse. Love like Christ did from the cross with expecting nothing except for one day. Christ did from the cross with expecting nothing except for one day your spouse miraculously being healed. And number two, fall into a deeper dimension of prayer, and I found that to be contemplative prayer.
Speaker 1:That's beautiful. Yeah, I was going to ask you what some of your spiritual practices were, so I'm so glad that you shared that. And what a beautiful imagery that you've just said about like uniting your sufferings with Christ and again like talking about like how he didn't have any consolations and just like being okay with that in this, in this season. So then that kind of leads me to when. So I always tell people like drinking is like just the start, right, because stopping drinking is great and it's like the most first important step. But there's a lot of work to be done like following that and it's it can hard, it can be discouraging sometimes, but it can also be very joyful as well. So when did that restoration of your relationship really begin, or was it just happening throughout her recovery?
Speaker 2:throughout her recovery? Good question so when I began to see the light come back to Krista's eyes was right around 2018, when Father Flume began to address the shame. So she would still be sort of snapped back into the tomb of shame every now and then, but I could see that it was sporadic and it wasn't like it used to be, where it was pretty constant. Um, so I knew she was sort of like lifting the lid of the tomb little by little and coming out like a little Lazarus and uh, and the light of the eyes began to come back. Um, so I was almost like her cheerleader, like, hey, man, let's go, let's go, and uh, uh. And then 2020, obviously, when, um, when, finally, she just gave it up, um, and I and I encourage your, your viewer, to read the hermit to see how that happened, because it's, um, it's supernatural how it happened.
Speaker 2:I, I think, uh, a lot of people who have gotten back to me about the hermit, they talk about how kristaista did it. It's, it's actually very. They say they cry. Everyone says they Kevin, that's, they say Kevin, I cried a lot in your book, but that was the, that was the two Kleenex box moment. So there is, there is a. There was sort of a miracle that happened.
Speaker 2:And, uh, and when that happened, um, you know we're off to the races and you know it's honeymoon time and so, yeah, god, god is faithful. God is always faithful, even in the darkest, darkest, darkest night. God is faithful. Or viewers right now that feel like they're in a cave and it's dark and there is no answer, there's no hope. When you surrender yourself to God or at least when I surrender myself to God in the darkness of that cave, there was always this little pinhole of light, this little pinhole of light, and that was hope. And when I would walk toward that pinhole of light, that was the exit to the cave, and so prayer was the thing that would always sort of keep me alive. But anyway, so now, yeah, so it's been five years. So, yeah, I don't know what else to say. We're very happily married, the way God intended us to be, and before my stinking brain surgery, so it's everything's good again. You know, we're very, we're very happy right now.
Speaker 1:Oh, praise be to God. That's such a beautiful testimony. So you and Krista were so fortunate to are blessed, really to have such a holy priest, one that even walked her through her recovery during a time when the whole world shut down and churches were closing and all of that madness. But how do you see, or do you have any thoughts on, maybe, how church leaders or the church as a whole can support families and individuals navigating addiction or of any sort?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think the church I'll be candid, I think the church has done a terrible job with addiction. And yeah, I'd imagine, well, I'll just say it, I think every parish in the United States or diocese should have maybe not every parish, but the diocese should have many parishes that have equip parishioners, folks with, you know, because you can go to aa and therapy and counselors. But but this, this dimension of spiritual help, where we know god can get into that shame and scalpel it out, it's yeah, I, I would just, uh, I would encourage again your viewer, um, that might be suffering, to go to the pastor or priest in their parish and say, look, this is hard for me to say, but I'm suffering, I think I'm, can you help me here? And I think more often than not I hate to say this but I'll be honest Father will say I'm not equipped to do that.
Speaker 2:Have you gone to AA or something? Well, that's unacceptable, because Father is a shepherd of souls and that soul is in travail, that soul has been blackened by an addiction, a sickness, and Father's not going to be helpful there. Then reach out to your chancery, your diocese, and ask for the director of clergy personnel or the parochial vicar to say hey, can I help you start something for people addicted to alcohol? Because I need help right now and I can't find it in the church and I want it. Father, what do I do? Or, bishop, your eminence, what do I do? Because I think we need this. So I would press on and I would make it an issue. I'd be candid about it because, I'll say it again, I couldn't find any help at that time.
Speaker 1:When I would go to priests, for the most part they would say well, kevin, I'm sorry you're going through this, but have you sought a counselor? Have you sought it? I'm like, well, yeah, but I'm talking to you now, I'm looking at you, so I guess it's not much of an answer, but that would agree with that. That's a lot of what I've seen as well, and like when I got sober, aa was like the only game in town other than rehab. So it did, in a way, help with leading me toward Christ. But it's such a they have to meet everyone where they are that they would say things like that doorknob can be your higher power, our group can be your higher, you know it. So it's so diluted that it was very difficult and, as we've talked about here, it is really a spiritual ailment that we're dealing with here, and so those types of things that they give us to help move us toward Christ aren't always going to be so helpful as Catholics, especially because we have so much. We just have a treasure trove of things and sacraments and sacramentals and saints and cloud of witnesses at our disposal that we can turn to, and it would be so beneficial if the church did stand up and create something like that. But of course, the church is very burdened with a lot of different things in our world at this time. So I guess we just have to keep speaking out you and I and others like us to talk about it and I know there's a lot of other good priests, there's Catholic in Recovery and things like that and so we're all just trying to make a dent in what we can do and reach those souls that need the help.
Speaker 1:So I appreciate you being here so much, kevin, and sharing your story, sharing Thank you to Krista for allowing you to share her story too. I mean, that is such a huge blessing and it's such an inspiration to you, know me and I'm sure everyone listening and hearing your perspective as a spouse loving someone who is struggling and how she walked through recovery. The book, the Hermit yes, I hope everybody picks it up and reads that. So I just thank you for all of that. But I'm sure my listeners are going to be wondering where do I find out more about Kevin and his story and his brain surgery and like all the other things, because this is just like the tip of the iceberg. Like you have a lot of stories to tell, so where can they find you and where can they find the book and anything else you want them to know oh, thanks so much, christy, for putting the ball in the tea.
Speaker 2:Well, the book we're talking about is the hermit right here, that's my pretty wife right there, krista, there's the ugly one right there and there's the holy priest. So there's the Hermit right there. They can get that at Ignatius. So it's published by Ignatius Press, my favorite publisher. So they're Ignatiuscom, ignatcom or, you know, amazon or your local catholic bookstore. It's actually selling fairly well right now, I think, because it touches, touches, uh, goes to the core of things. Uh, it's pretty vulnerable, um, but as far as uh, you know, I, I give a fair amount of talks and stuff you can. You can find out where I'm speaking at kevinwellsorg.
Speaker 2:I've written um five books. This is actually the hermit's, my favorite um. You know, a dad's not supposed to have a favorite child, but it's my favorite child and I think it's because it's so darn raw and uh, and it was hard to write. I mean, it was very difficult to write for obvious, for obvious reasons, the memories etc. And um, and believe it or not. So, christy, this your, your viewer, might find this interesting um, the writing of the book.
Speaker 2:I didn't know it, but even when I was, done the book, the writing of the book gave me. It was the first time I mourned, like as a dad and a husband. I was always oh, I don't know, just trying to make things work for the most part, but as Chris Chris is healed now and so I'm writing the book and and finally I could, sort of I had to go back into those memories and I mourned, um, so a lot of the writing is just mourning, um, but but I um, I mean it's not like a oh, what was me? But just sort of pouring out things and uh, so anyway, yeah, so, kevinwellsorg, and uh, just for more books, more talks and all that, and and I do a fair amount of writing articles and stuff and so, yeah, so thank you, christy, for um, for allowing me to share that.
Speaker 1:Sure. So before we close, do you just have any words of encouragement for those women who are listening, who are realizing that maybe alcohol is becoming a problem for them? They're noticing that it's, you know. They feel maybe some guilt and shame around how much they're drinking, how they're hiding it from their husbands, and maybe some next steps of things that they might be able to do?
Speaker 2:Sure, well, thank God, praise God, your conscience is still clicking and ticking and it's still. You know, I think John Newman. St John Newman called the conscience the aboriginal vicar of Christ, which means we have this little vicar, we have a little pope inside us that tells us that that glass of wine, again, that's too much. So. So, praise God for your conscience alerting you to something. And after that, all we do, it really, it's simple, it's all of us are forced every day to make choices. So will you make the choice to do something hard and say I'm going to take this on and kind of dig into my predominant fault or this wound or whatever it might be that's causing me that I'm not, I really haven't addressed, that's causing me to take this second or third glass of wine or whatever the drink is. And then, and then the choice to say it's, it's got to stop and I need some help here. So I'm going to share it with my spouse, or I'm going to share it with the best friend, or I'm going to share it with a priest or whomever. Because I think oftentimes, when we cough these things up, we're like giving up the ghost, we're like spitting, we're vomiting up the demon and it gets out of us because, finally, we told somebody, and that's when the healing whether it's in piecemeal fashion, it's kind of slow, little by little, or really it comes in a rush that's when the healing begins.
Speaker 2:So so, yeah, apply, I would, I would recommend, oblige that conscience of yours and, um, and make the choice to do the hard thing, take it on, um, tell somebody and, and, and really have that person say I need you to help me, I, I want to stop this thing because I don't want to. I don't, I don't want to live the next month or six months or next five years doing this, because it's out of balance. And I don't want to be out of balance, I want to, I want, I want to be ordered, I want, I want to do things the way God would have me do them. So, yeah, I, I just make the choice to do the hard thing and begin to take it on, and that first choice of taking it on, I think, leads to so many beautiful little, small transformative changes. So I guess that's my encouragement.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's beautiful. Thank you so much. It's like shining the light on it helps it lose its power over us. So I thank you so much for that and for being here. And yeah, everybody check out his Kevin's book, the Hermit. And yeah, we'll just keep an eye out for other things that are coming up from you and thank you so much for being here. Thank you, christy, it was a great time of the Catholic Sobriety Podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well, and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing. I am the Catholic Sobriety Coach and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the coaching that I offer, visit my website, thecatholicsobrietycoachcom. Follow me on Instagram at the Catholic Sobriety Coach. I look forward to speaking to you next time and remember I am here for you. I am praying for you. You are not alone.
