Ep 142: “Uncomfortable Truth” - Steven M. Bell’s Journey from Addiction to God’s Healing Grace

Steven M. Bell is a Catholic convert, musician, husband, and father of two. After years of hidden alcoholism—even while serving as a church music leader—Steven hit a breaking point in rehab and encountered the peace of Christ that changed everything. 

Now over three years sober, he shares his journey in his memoir Uncomfortable Truth: Faith, Failure, Redemption to remind us that real hope and lasting freedom are possible.

In this episode, Steven and I talk about:

• The spiral of addiction and hidden struggles
• Rehab as both breaking point and encounter with God
• His Catholic conversion sparked by his teenage son
• The restoration of marriage and family
• Why sobriety brings clarity, but faith gives purpose

Connect with Steven M. Bell
📖 Uncomfortable Truth: Faith, Failure, Redemption: Amazon Link
🎵 Music & story: stevenmbellmusic.com

Facebook (music, reels, and digital content)
https://www.facebook.com/steven.b12/reels/

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👉🏻 Get started with my FREE 5-Day Sacred Sobriety Kick Start
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Transcript

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Welcome & Why This Story Matters

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives. Women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason. I am your host, Christy Walker. I'm a wife, mom, and a joy-filled Catholic, and I am the Catholic sobriety coach. And I'm so glad you're here. Today's episode is one I've been especially looking forward to because it's a story that speaks right to the heart of what we do here on the Catholic Sobriety Podcast. Honest conversations about struggle, healing, and most of all, the mercy of God. So many of us appear put together. On the outside, we look like things are going pretty well, but quietly we're carrying battles that no one sees. My guest today understands that tension deeply. His journey takes us through the pain of addiction, the breaking point of rehab, and ultimately the profound encounter with Christ that changed everything. What I love about his story is that it doesn't stop with sobriety. It's about the restoration of faith, family, and purpose, and how God's grace can reach into even the darkest places and bring new life. With that,

Meet Stephen M. Bell

SPEAKER_01 1:36

let me introduce him properly. Stephen M. Bell is a Catholic convert, musician, husband, and father of two. After years of struggling with alcoholism, even while serving as a church music leader, he found freedom through Christ and the sacraments. Now, over three years sober, he shares his journey in his memoir, Uncomfortable Truth, Fa, Failure, Redemption, to encourage others that healing and hope are absolutely, positively possible. Welcome, Stephen. I'm so happy to have you here.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Well, thank you, Christy. Thank you for having me and let letting me share my story. I think what you're doing here is a beautiful thing, and it's uh what we're called to do. I believe here on this earth and you're expressing your charity here, and it's just a great thing. So I I'm blessed to be here at this moment.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

Well, thank you so much for it and for sharing your story. It's so important that we share these stories, especially within our Catholic community, because I know that so many times we suffer silently thinking that maybe we're just too broken or too sinful to be able to receive God's mercy. And that is just not true. You and I are both examples of that. So, with that, why don't we just go ahead and dive into your story? If you could maybe tell us what drinking looked like over the years, how it evolved, and then when you first sensed that something needed to change.

Early Drinking & Church Culture

SPEAKER_02 3:17

Yeah, believe it or not, drinking was introduced into my life at a very early age. I could I remember one time sitting in my bell bottom pants holding a Budweiser when I was four years old while my parents were having a party. Because, you know, yeah. But really, I didn't drink a whole lot. I mean, through my teenage years, like a lot of teenagers do, I grew up in a small town. We'd meet out in the country with keg parties and you know, till the deputies would bust us and we'd all run off. But when I got married, which I got married at the age of 20, and uh I really started drinking just beer there, you know, and but it became daily, nightly. There wasn't a day I didn't go without it, you know, and a lot of the reasons were I needed it to sleep, you know, you hear hear these excuses, but eventually I'd uh I was raised church of Christ, and I broke from that. I mean the family did, and we became Lutheran. In fact, I got my uh son baptized in the Lutheran church. And at the time I was in a Christian rock band, and which is kind of funny in itself because we lived in this Christian this Christian rock band was trying to live like an actual rock band with the drinking. Yeah, we'd we'd drink everywhere we went. One time we did a charity, and uh out of the all the bands, which was secular from rock to country and stuff, this Christian band that I was in was probably the most partying band of us all. So it's kind of I guess you can call that ironic. Um anyway, so I joined this Lutheran church and I become the uh full-time music leader, and I did this role for over a decade. And the culture of this church is drinking, it's uh like even confirmation. We'd have keg parties after the kids would get confirmed and have cookouts. I mean, we hung out all the time, and it was a tight-knit family, but it consisted of drinking constantly. And my journey through all this being a music leader, especially for so long, is that you get high praise for one because the church at the time, that the Lutheran church here in Lubbock became the fastest growing uh church in the district, and that was due to the music. And of course, we had a great dynamic pastor who I still love today and talk to. He's a he's great. But it becomes a stress to constantly perform weekend after weekend, trying to live up to expectations. And of course, at the time too, I'm making a music CD uh called

Grief, Escalation, and Performing While Numbing

SPEAKER_02 6:06

Refugee. But during this time as well, I kinda gotten deep into alcoholism after my mother died. She died suddenly. And two weeks later, my sister died. And that was just all of a sudden, I mean, just out of the blue. Both of them were pretty much out of the blue, but anyway, that took a really uh a turning point on me to where I was hitting hard liquor, I was hitting wine. Um, and then it got to the point where I couldn't even perform on a Sunday without having Bot G up there with me on the altar. I had in a water bottle. On the outside, I looked put together. I looked like, you know, I was functioning just fine, but no, I was crumbling. Uh in fact, I do two services, a morning service and a or the early morning service, and then to go back at 11. But during that little break where everybody's at Sunday school, me and uh one of my band members would go into my garage and we'd drink beers, and of course I'd hit the hard liquor before we'd go and do the 11 o'clock service. And I'd just carry that up there with me, like everything was normal. But then it also got so heavy that I couldn't go without it. My anxiety was so high that I would drink to cure my anxiety, which now hindsight, we know that alcohol contributes to that anxiety. Um but there were times I I just got desperate. I'd call into work and I would have to start drinking at eight, nine in the morning. One time I woke up at four o'clock in the morning because something was happening, and I didn't understand it. So at four o'clock in the morning I was over there drinking, and my wife and my kids are watching this. And my wife, you know, in my memoir, she's really the hero that shows up. Uh of course I almost lost her, almost lost everything, but she was a hero. She helped me go through all this, but I went through detox four times. I never did stay the 30 days. I thought I don't need the 30 days, I just need to get it out of my system and I'll be good. And these detoxes were I should have stayed the 30 days, but I I never thought I needed that because I just go right back to the drinking. But anyway, I ended up converting to Catholicism because of my 16-year-old son. My 16-year-old son, when we were Lutherans, he loved to study theology. So he went through he just was just he was just curious about other denominations, Methodist, uh, Church of Christ, which our whole family is besides us now. Um he even looked at Islam, then he looked at Catholicism. One day I come home and he says, Dad, I think we're supposed to be Catholic. Me being brought up the way I was is like, you realize that the Pope is the Antichrist, don't you? And that the Cat the Catholic is like the uh Satan's little cult here on earth. And he's like, No, you dad, you need to look at church history. You need and he showed me the scripture of Matthew 16 for the keys of the kingdom and or Peter became the Pope. And that did get me to thinking. I was like, you know, being brought up this whole time and studying Bible studies and all, like I say, being a music leader, we always did Bible studies. But that was never anything that we honed in on. So I thought, let me hone in on that a little bit. Well, long story short, I did a year of looking at apologetics, watching YouTube videos of Trent Horn, Jimmy Aitken, uh the Cathol Uh Catholic Truth was one of my first ones, which I'm I'll be going on his podcast uh I think next week or so to talk about my conversion story. But he played a pivotal role in me uh converting. So after all this, then now I'm debating my son who decides, no, maybe we're better Lutheran. And then he and I are debating, I'm over here taking a Catholic stance all of a sudden, and he's taking a leader instead. I'm like, wait, what's going on here? But then he got Trent Horn's book, uh

Anxiety, Dependence, and Failed Detoxes

SPEAKER_02 10:40

I can't remember the why we're Catholic or whatever. He he read that book and then boom, he was sold. And so we went through OCIA back then as RCIA. And anyway, but I was still going through the motions. Uh I was still drinking. I, you know, I'd quit the church, which was a big deal because my wife's like, no, you have to quit that because it's just taking its toll on you and it's eating you up. And she was right. So I did. I gave it up. In fact, I gave up music, period. I was like, I'm done.

SPEAKER_00 11:15

Oh wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:16

So I didn't I didn't touch my guitar, didn't write a song, didn't sing. I was just going through the motions, RCIA, going to mass, but it's still something was still off. And this cause I'd already I'd already hit that point of no return. You can't do it on your own. And so again, um my wife decided that enough was enough. It was time. The kids couldn't see me like this anymore. She couldn't see me like this anymore. And it got to the breaking point to where she was done. She wanted to leave and get out of it because she'd been through enough. And I didn't blame her. I went on a what they call a walkabout. I just kind of took off, listened to some music, prayed to uh one of the saints, Talbot, Saint Talbot, who was uh alcoholic who turned his life over to God and overcame. And so I decided, well, let me go to rehab just to get out of her hair. Pretty much that's what I was gonna do. I just wanted to let her have her space. So I thought I'm gonna go to rehab and do this. Well I go to rehab and I'm going through all the withdrawals. The you know, they they gave me the medicine, what they call Librium. You always know people in their own Librium because they have this little funny walk. But uh anyways, on that, but they pulled me out of rehab or out of detox a little too soon, and so I was still withdrawing. And

The Road to Catholicism

SPEAKER_02 13:02

uh for those of you who have went through withdrawal, it is not a great experience. I mean, your heart rate is up, your blood pressure is up, uh, you just you need to drink, you need to take that edge off. So I was about to leave rehab again. I said, I'm out of here. I went to the counselor, I said, I'm done with this place, it's like a prison to me. I can't handle it. Well, she ended up calling my wife, and my wife gets on the phone and she talks me down. So I go to my room and I literally I lost all hope. I never felt loneliness like this in my life. I just never felt the anguish, the isolation, and I literally literally cried out to God. I was like, God, is this my purgatory? Are you real? Can you stop this? And Christy, I tell you, it was like a peace and calm came over me like I had never felt. It literally, I was I it's even hard to explain, just an overwhelming sense of peace. And I was like, oh, I'm gonna do this. So I walked back to the counselor and I told her, hey, I'm staying. I'm gonna do this whole 30 days and we're gonna knock it out. And uh and I did. I went uh oh, in fact, it was a rebirth because I was actually done. My last day of rehab was my birthday. And so yeah, so I don't know, maybe designed by God, but either way, it was a new rebirth for me in a way. But at the uh rehab talking to my counselor, she wanted me to do music again because she knew that was part of my identity. So I got my wife to bring up my guitar, and I wrote a song and I played it for the counselor, and she loved it so much, she wanted me to play it for groups. So I go to group and play it, and it was a it was one of those moments that were special to me. I mean, looking back on it, it's not one of the best songs I've written, but again, it'd been a couple of years before I even grabbed a guitar, and but it hit home for everybody because of of the lyrics, and so that brought me back into who I am and what God called me to do. And that journey is music, and now it's to get my story out so others know that God does meet you in those dark places, and he, if he can pull me out of it, and as long as you're breathing, he will pull you out of it. You just have to accept it and reach out to him. They're there, the saints are there, uh, Mother Mary, God, they're all there pulling for you. And so now that's my that's my new goal, is to ful help people get out of those dark spots in life because they can grab you. And everybody's story is different, but like I wrote my memoir, not because my story's unique, but I wrote it because it's not unique. I know there's others just like me out there who are just afraid to come out and say it. Like my my other sister died probably two years after my uh older sister died, and hers was addiction. But she was one of those who never accepted that she was addicted, and so she ended up with uh cirrhosis of the liver. And she and she like I say she died two years later. I don't want other people to have that ending to their story because that does not have that didn't have to be her ending. And then after rehab, one of my best friends, Jason, who I talk about in my memoir, he had drinking issues and he had been to rehab a few times, but we stopped communicating after my rehab. But I

Going Through Motions, Losing Music

SPEAKER_02 17:12

wish I would have reached out to him because he ended up passing away uh about a year after my rehab from an overdose. And I wish I have the regret that I didn't reach him sooner because I feel like he would still be with us. And he he never got that moment of of sobriety. And I know he loved the Lord, he loved Christ. I mean, he was a great guy, he just got caught up in some stuff that I didn't ever think he would, but temptation to be strong, and it and it took him. It took him from a great family, and so I wish I would have had that opportunity to talk to him again. So now I'm not wasting a moment. I want others to hear the story just so they know. Because life's fast, we gotta live this life to do what God has called us to do, and that's to be a servant, just like Christ was. We're called for charity, and that's what and that's what we need to do. And so what I'm blessed with was my curse. And my curse was my curse was drinking and uh temptations like that. But now this curse that's turned into a blessing is to reach out to others, and so that's my goal. And that's my story in it in a small nutshell.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Wow, and what a story it is. Thank you so much for sharing so deeply and so honestly. And um, first and foremost, just my condolences on all those significant losses that you suffered. Um, and those can it it does, it can just take a moment that really just pushes us over the edge, right? Like things might be going along where it's like, you know, maybe you notice a an uptick in amount and frequency, and maybe you're drinking more than you like, but you're still kind of in that realm of like, I could, I could do something. Like if I could get a hold of it if I just like reach out or or figure it out. But then there's like a pivotal change in our life, whether that's loss or abandonment, or you know, it's a trauma of some kind, or it can even just be a life stage change, and that can push some some of us over the line into this this really

The Boundary That Became a Lifeline

SPEAKER_01 19:39

dark place. And I just appreciate your honesty of your story because you're right, like our stories are different, but there's a like this common thread that flows throughout those of us who have suffered addiction or just had a very strong disordered attachment, even if it hasn't gone over into that realm of quote-unquote addiction, right? Yeah, there's just these tendencies that are so common within that. So when you share your story, people maybe they didn't experience it exactly the same way, but they can see themselves in your journey toward sobriety, in your journey toward, you know, God, in your journey toward the Catholic faith. And I just think also I I'm a mom of boys, and I just think it's so beautiful that your son just dove into wanting to learn as much as he could about all the different faiths and really read himself into the Catholic Church and brought you guys along with him. Um, I think that is just a gift and a grace for sure. Wow. That's that just really got me because I'm like, I don't know. My I mean, my kids are they've always been raised Catholic and were pretty faithful, but I'm like, I don't know if they ask themselves those questions or you know, dive into those things outside of their religion classes and things like that. So I think that that's so beautiful as well. And then your mission, you said that you wanted people to know that God will pull you out of those dark places. And I think sometimes we just get so overcome thinking this is never gonna get better. I am not gonna be able to do this. And maybe you can't do it on your own, but God is with you. And all of us as Christians, by virtue of our baptism, are given these spiritual gifts and we just have to turn our face to him, right? We just have to ask for that increase. I just need you, Lord. And sometimes it takes being in that pit of despair to get us to cry out to him. I've been there before. I have my own story about that that I've told um on the podcast before. But crying out like that is just us turning to him, even when we have no other words to say. Maybe we don't have all the things, all the beautiful, you know, poetic prayer type things. It's just this guttural like ask. And the fact that I mean, as you were telling that story, as I was like on edge of like being in that despair, being in that um, you know, having that anxiety,

Rehab, Withdrawal, and a Cry to God

SPEAKER_01 22:48

wanting to just be done with it because it was so hard. But then you crying out, and then that peace that just washed over you. And I hope everyone who's listening has experienced that at least once in their life. Um, I have, and it's just so powerful. That's supernatural peace, that's peace beyond all understanding. And so that is available to to all of us, and the Lord uh wants to give that to us. So even in that desolation, even when we're in those moments or seasons even of desolation, consolations will come. Sometimes they're small, sometimes they're big, but they're they're there, and that's God's way of just showing us how much he loves us and pours into us. And lastly, I mean, obviously, your wife, wow, just being there, supporting you, loving you, being able to love you and yet set a boundary, you know, set that boundary, like, I'm done. Like, I love you, but we can't watch this anymore. Did her saying that, was that the thing that just kind of like like that light bulb moment or that um that thing that kind of got you to be like, okay, this is serious. I real this time, it has to be this time.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

Yes, because she had never spoken like that before. And when she said those words to me, that it hit like a rock. I mean, it actually shocked me in a way, which I don't know why it shocked me looking back now. I was like, Of course that was coming. I mean, look at me, but no, it it hit hard. And that's I was like, wow. Because I've I started dating my wife when she was 13 and I was 14. And we got married when she was two weeks out of high school. So she's all I know. All the women in my life have played a huge role from from my mother to my sisters and to my wife. They have really been my rocks. And then when she told me that, uh, and then I also see my boys like going home, even that night, because we met at a restaurant, we talked about that, and going home to just look at my boy saying, This could be gone. What am I doing? Like it, it's a wake-up call

A Flood of Peace and Choosing to Stay

SPEAKER_02 25:20

for sure. And she set her she set her mark. In fact, it's the new song I'm writing, you know. She set her mark and I crossed that line. And so now I gotta find my way back over to that line to meet her where I'm supposed to be and where and where she set it. I mean, bless her heart. I mean, she a lot of women would have already they would have given up a long time ago. Uh a lot of them, you know. But no, she stayed there. And yes, you're correct. That is that was the wake-up call for sure.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:53

What a gift. That's I mean, that's so so beautiful and such a testament to the sacrament of marriage, I think. Um just that supernatural grace that we get from the sacrament probably helped empower her to take that step, even if she was afraid too, of losing you or you know, losing everything, but knowing that she she needed to do that. I know that I have a lot of listeners who don't necessarily struggle themselves with addiction, but they have people that they love so much that they're watching and to hear that it's okay to set boundaries, it's good to take a stand because it protects you and protects your peace, but it could be the very thing that helps the your loved one do what they need to do to get to get better.

SPEAKER_02 26:57

Oh, yeah, yeah, no doubt. Yeah, everybody has to have that have a boundary set.

SPEAKER_01 28:07

Yeah, yes, for sure. The other thing when you were talking about, so talking about your mission, I think that that's something that we both, you know, it took me, it took me 25 years to start talking about my story. I just like went along like I did, I went to AA for a couple of years, and then after that, it was just me and the Lord and me just kind of living life and trying to like clean up the mess I made and build up build a life. My faith journey is completely um

Picking Up the Guitar, Finding Mission

SPEAKER_01 28:42

intertwined with my sobriety journey. I don't see how people can get and stay sober without God, but you know, they there are people that do that. But I think that you know, if faith is so, so important. You said you told me something and it totally resonated with me. I don't know if I wrote it down. Oh, you said sobriety gave you clarity, but faith gave you purpose. And I so relate to that because I'll say that about Alcoholics Anonymous. Like that gave me my that helped me with my sobriety, change my mindset, like figure it out. And maybe I don't know if you went to AA, but rehab, I'm sure, was like that for you. And then it was actually my faith that kept me sober because people will say, How can you how have you held on to it for that long? How how did you keep saying no? And I tell them it's simply God, it's simply by God's grace.

SPEAKER_02 29:44

Yes, and that and that's one of the aspects I do like about AA is that it talks about that higher higher power. I mean, realistically, you do you have to have faith in that higher power. And, you know, which of course the you and I and a lot of your listeners, so that's the God of the Catholic Church, Christ. Um, you know, the Christian God. That's us. Now, others have their own, and and that, and that's fine because it helps them. In fact, one of my uh friends is a big advocate of AA, but he he's not a Christian, but he has a higher power in what he believes. And you know, I've I've never really nailed down what he believes, but he he has a high higher power, and and it works for him, and that and that's fine. But you are you're correct, it has to have that, you have to have that faith, something to believe in, something to live for, something that's a guiding force in your life. Uh, in my opinion, it'd be very difficult to do it without it. But sure, others, others do. Um not in their lives, but I think for people like me and you, that's just who that's our DNA, that's who we are. And that's and that's what we live and and we strive for daily. Like I say, it's black air, you gotta have it to uh to live. live. And so that's the beautiful thing. And and and people also need to realize that it's none of this is just easy. It's not just about being about it

Loss, Regret, and Urgency to Help

SPEAKER_02 31:16

being easy. It's about the struggle. It's about the uh overcoming that desire that leads you on that bad path to uh sin. When you overcome this, that's that's part of our role of this human experience is to get these challenges and overcome them. Overcome t temptations, whether it's a uh pornography to drugs to uh worshiping money. All these things are here on this earth and then Christ is I can't remember who who said this, but it's like your job is to conquer that in your life to get to the next level. And once you do that, then you're you're meeting Christ also where you need to be. And I mean it's true. Struggling is a good thing. It's not a bad thing. And so when people feel like they or it when people feel like they failed because they went back to drinking, yeah you did. But they don't mean give up. That means uh try it again. It took me uh four times and react I was in rehab with one guy who went fourteen times. Oh wow yeah so but he's still trying and that that's that's what you gotta do. You gotta keep trying and hopefully it sticks. Like I say I'm three and a half years sober now and I won't say oh I'm never gonna drink again because I don't want to set myself up for failure like that but I mean honestly believe I won't. Uh truthfully I don't really have a desire anymore. You know that I d I just don't the desire is gone. But I never thought I'd get to this part in my life. I thought there would be no way that I could quit drinking. And actually I didn't want to I enjoyed it because it I thought it helped me. But then once you see what true sobriety is then you're like I never want to go back to that. I never want to touch that stuff again. And uh but yeah I guess the point of that is saying it's not easy and it's a struggle but it is totally worth it because it uh you said you understand what it is. I'm sure a lot of your listeners do uh do as well and so it's a journey like everything else.

SPEAKER_01 33:40

Yeah it is for sure. And I appreciate that you mentioned how difficult the alcohol withdrawals were for you like I didn't I was blessed in that I didn't experience that but I do know a lot of people that have had to go through that and I've heard that it's one of the worst withdrawals you can go through. And if it's not done properly, you know, for very heavy drinkers if it's not done properly like it could be very very dangerous. And that's why they give you that medication that you were talking about to help you through it.

Boundaries, Marriage, and Wake-Up Calls

SPEAKER_02 34:22

Yeah I was I mean a buddy still gives me a hard time that I met in rehab because he never went through a withdrawal one but you know he still had to go through it because he was a daily drinker. But some people they just don't have that makeup in their DNA where they withdraw. But a lot of us do so yes you're right if somebody's out there struggling don't do it on your own because it can it can be very dangerous. In fact they still make fun of me today other friends like when I saw you over there shaking with your bottle you gotta laugh now. I mean yeah you know but of course at the time it wasn't that funny but it was there.

SPEAKER_01 35:01

It's but yeah you're right don't don't do that on your own it it can be a struggle you know some people hallucinate right yeah I've heard that I've heard that as well so but I think that what that illustrates is for like many of the women that I work with or clients that I have they're not to that point. They're just noticing like alcohol is becoming a problem for them. They may be over drinking they may be drinking every night and maybe drinking more than most every night but at the same time they still have it kind of all together. And so when you stop drinking or great start to reduce it at least you know greatly reduce it and then maybe come to the point where you decide that you want to stop drinking altogether because it's not serving you any longer I think that just knowing it's gonna be hard no matter where you're at if you have that attachment to it. Like if it's a stronghold in your life, it's not going to be easy wherever you're at on that spectrum. There's always going to be people that it's even harder for or have a more difficult longer walk to go through and there's people who can just decide on a Tuesday I'm not gonna drink anymore and they never have the desire to drink again and they're you know and it's good. So there's always going to be that spectrum but it's about just continuing in that discomfort because that's where the growth is going to come and I in AA one time this guy was talking he was telling his story and how he had gone in and out in and out in and out and the thing that helped him was he realized he just looked at it like walking over a bed of coals and he'd walk over that bed of coals be like halfway there and then have to go back and then have to do it again. So if you just if you're going through it just keep going because you'll get to the end eventually pretty soon those cravings that are so intense in the beginning that you really have to manage your mind around that you have to tell yourself like I gotta just talk back to my excuses. I just have to remind myself why I'm doing this what is my why and just keep going forward because pretty soon you're on the other side and everything might not be perfect but it's a heck of a lot easier and it just will keep getting easier and you know many people that I talk to even it's interesting because I'll have women that come to me and they're like

Faith, Higher Power, and Lasting Change

SPEAKER_01 37:51

you know I'm drinking every night I only want to drink you know on the weekends or or maybe I want to reduce it so I'm just having like one like one big night out a month or whatever. So they're trying this and a lot of what I do even though I am a person that I had to like stop completely because it it was an addiction for me a lot of the women that I work with are trying to decide can I moderate and will it work for me and is it worth it? And can I have peace about it? And it's interesting because often as they're going through the process of like can I do this? How does this feel we ask a lot of questions a lot of them are like you know what it's really so hard. Like it's not worth it. And I feel like crap the next day excuse my language but you know I just feel like trash and it's not worth it. And so I think that those of us who are unattached from it can look at it and say like it's so glorious out here on the other side this freedom is just amazing and it's so worth the struggle to get there. Um whatever that looks like for you it's kind of like what you said about your friend like you wish that you could have told him sooner because you went through it you got healed and you're like I just want that for you too and I feel like that's at the heart of what your mission is that's at the heart of what my mission is it's like we broke free from this. Now that's not to say that Christy is perfect. I have my things and I am continually working right we are we have the flesh we battle with the world and and the enemy so there's always things but I can tell you that life on the other side of alcohol or any kind of substance addiction is so much better than anything you think that it's giving you.

SPEAKER_02 40:03

Yes. Yeah you know and my my wife would still drink every now and then go out with her friends and stuff but now she's got to the point to where oh it's poison. You know she can't even and she wasn't a heavy drinker at all by any means. But she'd just do that but now she got to where even one drink makes her feel so bad in the mornings.

SPEAKER_00 40:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:22

It's like it's like and in fact that's a good motivator to stay sober. I remember my hangovers and I'm like oh my god I can wake up every morning and I'm like I I feel fine. You know and that and that's something that's just a glorious feeling in itself because hangovers are the worst my goodness they are and you know I mean you think about it it's it's a poison. The science is showing it it's a poison. No uh amount of it is healthy for you. But it's such a normal in our society. We all know this. I mean it's just to me it's one of the most dangerous drugs out there in the world but you know it's it's everywhere you look it's everywhere. So but from what I understand from my son is that their generation are the ones getting off of the alcohol it it's almost becoming the new smoking that's what they're telling me which which that's that's a great thing and I and I hope this I hope that trend continues.

SPEAKER_00 41:21

Yeah.

unknown 41:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:22

Well and I think it it like my sons just went my twins just went or they just graduated and all of that and so we've had talks about actually I just did a podcast episode about like how to talk to your kids about alcohol but um it's it is one of those things where they're not

Relapse, Perseverance, and Real Recovery

SPEAKER_01 41:41

they're not like us like having keg parties like every weekend or like doing all the things the bonfires and that like they realize whoa this is not no this is not and I love that I love seeing that Gen Z and the other generation coming up after them are taking a look at it and being like maybe not that might not be for us and the non-alcoholic beverage you know whatever people they're making so many more things. So there's so many more options like my husband I guess younger probably I don't know what if they're millennials and Gen Z probably in his office and we did a Christmas party and it was interesting to see how many of those young younger people younger than us were having the non-alcoholic beers and and things at this we were at like this pub place for their party and I was just like oh my gosh that's so cool because when 20 years ago when I would go to his Christmas parties everyone was just having a lot or having at least having some and I was kind of the person that was didn't which was fine I was fine about it but it's interesting to see it evolve and it is so encouraging. And I agree it's great that the science is starting to really come out instead of those silly magazine articles about how red wine is so good for you. Blah blah blah and I did an episode about that how that's a lie but instead of that now we're seeing more and more people speaking out the sober community is rising up in all different areas whether that's coaching or counseling or influencers just kind of coming out and saying look this isn't good for you. It's not healthy and then there's also which I love and nerd out over all the time is the neuroscience behind it. And that just to me takes so much of the shame away like I wish I had known that when I got sober how alcohol was affecting my brain and why it was so hard for me to quit why it was so hard for you to quit you know it's like it's not because you're a weak person. You're like very accomplished and driven in so many areas of your life but the way alcohol affects your genetic makeup your DNA your neurotransmitters is different than how it affects your wife or my husband will have a beer you know every once in a while it affects him differently I look at him like how can you just have one and you're like fine that's so weird. I'm like what that's weird but yeah I love the way the tide is turning and I agree with you. I hope that it is I hope in the future we will look at it like we do cigarettes and cigarette smoking. It's just so interwoven into so many aspects and you know I'll just be watching a TV show and I'll hear somebody say oh I'm gonna have a glass of wine to take the edge off like it's just like so a very small like sentence but it's like that's going into our brains and then we're like oh I need that to take the edge off or you know or how am I going to take the edge off if I don't have it and

Withdrawal Risks and Safe Detox

SPEAKER_01 45:16

so it's all about just kind of reframing that figuring out what fuels you what feeds you and you don't have to num out of life. It's it's can be very difficult and raw but it's also very beautiful to be able to fully experience not just the joys of life but also the difficult parts of life.

SPEAKER_02 45:40

Well yeah and it comes down to I I guess they quote I guess it's an I Einstein quotes where they think about uh the definition of insanity because you know doing the same thing over and over but getting the same results but still doing it. Y'all know that saying but to me it's crazy how we'll take say one night of drinking um you have fun for maybe a couple hours and then the next day you have a whole day of torment. I mean it's kind of insane to think about you know two hours of joy for a whole day of suffering the next day. It's uh it's just kind of when you look at it that way it's like Yeah and I did that for years. That's insane.

SPEAKER_01 46:23

Yeah I a hundred percent agree. I mean sometimes I get like I'll get headaches like from allergies or from the barometric pressure or whatever and I wake up and when I wake up like that I'm like oh my gosh it kind of gives me that reminder of like what it was like to wake up with a hangover only it was so much worse because then you had like dry mouth and the other stuff that goes along plus anxiety plus what the heck did I do last night like who yeah who did I make mad this time I don't know who did not text no yeah exactly so it's so much more so much better um for sure but yeah so it's been so great having you here Steven I'm so thankful that you reached out to me that you have this mission um I feel honored to be able to help you get the word out and um share your message with others which is really the Lord's message right I always say the Lord healed me and now I as a thank you to him I just need to allow him to help and reach as many people as he wants good like you said our cross it's our cross but it's so beautiful because we can take that cross and help others carry theirs as well. Yeah yeah you said that way better than I did I called it a curse but cross is the correct correct way to look at that yes for sure and so yeah yeah so thank you so much why don't we why don't you go ahead and share I have to say Steven shared a couple of his music you he has some YouTube videos and it's beautiful and then of course your book so anything you want to share with my listeners go ahead and then I will also put links to this these the videos and what anything else you mention in my show notes.

SPEAKER_02 48:22

Okay yeah if you can link uh really my Facebook account right now can get you there the give me a follow on that and I have like clips that I make uh it always lets you know when I have my new music out and then has linked to my memoir Uncomfortable Truth here let me faith failure redemption it's on Amaz it's actually on Barnes Noble Amazon book Goodreads

Moderation, Discomfort, and Freedom

SPEAKER_02 48:47

but Amazon's the cheaper place if you want to go there um and just look for my name Stephen M. Bell and then some of my songs you can type that into Spotify or Apple Music whatever streaming service you have but really uh my website will is uh Stephen M Bellmusic dot com which hopefully I'll have back up next week and that'll have like that'll have some of my blogs to where I discuss this or post articles. I got a few articles coming out in uh Catholic exchange and uh then also next week I'll be on the Catholic truth talk about my conversion journey so follow the hymn but really just connect with me on Facebook and if you're interested in my full story just go to Amazon and look up look that up and uh have it have a read get it on Kindle or whatever and stuff like I say it's uh it's it's just been a journey and uh like I say I'm be sharing this journey mostly on Facebook.

SPEAKER_01 49:51

But I appreciate you having me on Christy I appreciate you letting me have this opportunity to share the story and and and I'm glad I found you on uh YouTube Yeah we I know my YouTube I'm still kind of building that the Lord just says like share your voice share your voice share your voice and it sounds like that's what he's told you to yeah and I'm glad we can do this thing together. Yeah me too well I will look forward to talking to you again sometime hopefully and I just thank you so much for sharing your story and your hope and your experience with my listeners and I know it's gonna bless so many people.

SPEAKER_02 50:33

Well good I hope so that is my goal.

SPEAKER_01 50:35

Well that does it for this episode of the Catholic Sobriety podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well. And make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing. I am the Catholic sobriety coach and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about the cooking that I offer visit my website the CatholicSobrietycoach.com follow me on Instagram at CatholicSobriety