Ep 157: Every Morning I Swore I’d Quit Drinking — Here’s What Finally Worked

If you’re stuck in the cycle of quitting alcohol and starting again, you’re not alone. In this episode, I share what actually worked to help me stop drinking and stay sober for 28 years—without willpower, shame, or doing it alone. 

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Transcript

 Welcome to the Catholic Sobriety Podcast, the go-to resource for women seeking to have a deeper understanding of the role alcohol plays in their lives. Women who are looking to drink less or not at all for any reason. I am your host, Christie Walker. I'm a wife, mom, and a joy filled Catholic, and I am the Catholic sobriety coach, and I'm so glad you're here.

 
How many mornings have you woken up swearing that you're done with alcohol, you're done with the headaches, waking up with low energy, feeling irritable either in the morning or later on in the day, and you're just done with those fuzzy memories of the night before.

But you wake up clearheaded enough to say to yourself, that's it. I'm finished. I can't live like this anymore. And then somewhere between, I don't know, three and 6:00 PM something shifts. You find yourself grabbing wine on the way home and you tell yourself just one, just tonight, just to take the edge off and once again, you do the thing you swore he wouldn't do.

And that was my story. For far too long until something had to change.

And today I wanna share five of the things that I did to get sober. And stay sober for, well, next month it'll be 29 years.

Now it's not because I did it perfectly or I even knew what I was doing in the beginning, and it's not because I had some super outpouring of willpower. It's because I finally stopped doing it alone and I decided to invite the Lord in and let him help me. Now before I give you the five things, I just wanna say this clearly for me, sobriety was never just about removing alcohol.

That was, that was very important though. That was the first step. It was the very first thing I had to do. 'cause to be quite frank with you, I was an alcoholic. I could not stop once I started, and I have no shame in telling you that today because I didn't stay there.

I kept my eye on who I wanted to become, who God created me to be. Because I knew deep in my soul, even when I wasn't going to church, even when I felt far from the Lord, I knew that I had a purpose. I just didn't know what it was. But I did know that if I wanted to find out if I wanted the life that I had dreamed of since I was a little girl, if I had even an inkling of a chance of that ever happening for me, I had to change.

I had to change how I made decisions, how I met discomfort. I had to change a lot of the things that I had come to believe about the world and myself.

I had to change how I coped for sure, and I also had to face those things that I had been running from and that actually. It was the scariest of all. Okay, so here we go. Here's the five things. The first thing I did was I decided, I decided that I had to stop drinking, and then I refused to decide again.

This was huge. I decided I was not going to drink alcohol no matter what, and people don't always love that. And if that's not where you're at, it's okay. Still hear me out. You don't have to say forever. But for me, I had to. I knew that was the only way. That I was going to untangle myself from this toxic relationship that I had with alcohol.

I had to stop renegotiating with myself. I had to stop debating. I had to stop asking myself questions like, should I, could I, uh, maybe just this time. The decision was made. I closed the loop and every time I tried to reopen it, I'd say nope, and I'd close it again. Now, if this sounds hard to you. I wanna let you know that, yeah, in the beginning it was not easy, but over time it freed up so much mental energy, so much of the noise that alcohol had been causing in my brain.

And one of those things that I always suggest, if someone wants to eliminate alcohol, whether it's forever or for 30 days, for 60 days, 90 days a year, if at all possible, get it outta your house. Don't have alcohol in your home. I know this isn't always possible, especially, you know, when we have husbands and, um, maybe we live with other people who drink, who do not share our desire, um, to eliminate it or who are very supportive in our efforts.

But if at all possible. Get rid of it, and if it's not possible, then I would say the follow up to that is don't buy it, don't touch it. That's something that I did as well, even to this day where I have no desire to drink at all. It is. So rare that I will even touch a bottle of alcohol or a can of beer or something like that.

I just don't touch it. That's my husband's and he touches it. If he wants it, then he buys it. It is super, super rare that I do that, and I will say for the first 20 plus years of being sober, I don't think I ever touched. A bottle of wine, a can of beer, or any other kind of alcohol.

There was just no reason for me to, I didn't even go down the aisles where there was alcohol because why? I wasn't going to buy it. I wasn't going to, um, have it. And so that just helped. Alleviate that temptation. Even once I wasn't tempted. It still feels really weird to me if we have, like sometimes clients will give my husband a bottle of wine or whatever and to even like take it to move it into a cabinet, it feels so weird to me like I'm doing something wrong, which I'm not.

But it's just one of those things I just kind of put a boundary around and said, this is not. Something that I want to do.

It frees me up so much. It frees up so much time, so much mental energy not to have to worry about it. It becomes neutral. It's not good or bad. It's really nothing to me.

So I wonder how much of your daily exhaustion comes from debating the same decision over and over again. It might be time to decide and then to refuse to decide. Again,

the second thing I did was I sought out a community. And I let the Lord leave me there. I had to stop pretending that I could do it on my own, 'cause I knew I couldn't. I did need support and it was hard because all of my friendships revolved around alcohol. All of the things that I like to do for fun revolved around alcohol and in order for me.

To make the change that I needed to, I had to change everything, and that meant finding another community, finding other people that were on the same journey as me. I

now, I found that community through Alcoholics Anonymous, I didn't just go there. I really wanted to learn. I really wanted to be free.

So in those meetings, I let myself be seen. I let myself be known. I contributed. I participated. I let myself be supported,

but most importantly, I leaned on the Lord the entire way, very imperfectly. I might add. But I knew that he was with me the entire time, and not in a vague way, not in a God, please help me and make all this go away, but in a daily, desperate, honest way where I was surrendering to him. Knowing that I couldn't do this on my own, but I could do it with him.

Who knows the truth about your drinking right now,

is it just you? Do you just keep it to yourself? Or are there others?

When we have accountability, when we have support, that's where healing can begin.

Now the third thing I did was I got comfortable with being uncomfortable. This might be one of the hardest ones because I'm not really good. At being uncomfortable. None of us are. We want that comfort and that's why we move to autopilot. That's why we, you know, seek those things that are going to help distract us or, you know, make us feel better or not feel it all.

But once I gave up alcohol, I had to relearn who I was and what I liked and what helped me. And in order to do that, I had to let myself feel bored and awkward. I had to feel left out. I had to feel anxious. And I had to feel restless and I had to let go of the reoccurring thought that I was missing out, and that was hard.

That took a really long time.

It was difficult to let go of the story that alcohol was. The only way to relax or to celebrate or belong. 'cause honestly, that's why I started in the first place.

I also had to learn new ways to talk to myself. And you know, honestly, alcoholics Anonymous helped with that. I. It helped me when those thoughts came up, when the negotiating came up, when the excuses came up, when the pity party came up,

I learned not to be crippled by the shame. Not just to white knuckle it, but to be encouraged to turn to the Lord

to do the things that I needed to do. To learn who I was again, what brings me joy, what helps me feel fulfilled, or most of all, what is my purpose? And I had to let the Lord in and allow him to pour graces into those places that I used to numb.

A good question to ask yourself is what feeling do you drink to avoid? That's a really good place to start because when you know what that is, then you can work on healing that part.

The next thing I did was I embraced my new normal and focused on who I was becoming. I used to say sometimes like, I wish I could drink like a quote unquote normal person. But if you asked me today if you could drink. A moderate way where you could take it or leave it with peace, would you? That would be a big, no, I wouldn't, I know too much.

I wouldn't be able to enjoy it.

So. I came to love my new normal. And now my new normal is my way of life. It is life.

But one of the hardest things was grieving over my old life, romanticizing alcohol. What it gave me, what, um, it helped me do.

And if I kept doing that, I knew that I would always be held back from stepping into my new life.

I had to realize that this wasn't about who I used to be or even what I used to do. It was about who I was becoming and learning who that woman was.

What did she like to do? Where did she go? What did she say? Who were her friends? What was her purpose?

And then I started acting like that woman before I even felt like her,

and that was the key

I had to ask myself, since alcohol isn't part of your life anymore, who. Are you becoming? Who do you want to become?

If alcohol wasn't part of your life anymore, who would you become? Where is it holding you back? Where is it keeping? You from being the best version of yourself.

The fifth thing is I had to face my demons. I pulled them kicking and screaming into the light. Let me tell you, this is where real freedom happen. I had to look at things I didn't wanna look at. I had to feel things I didn't want to feel. I had to grieve things that I thought were buried for good,

but here's what surprised me and motivated me to keep going. I realized that once I pulled the darkness into light. It lost its power, not all at once, but over time, every time I looked at it, every time I named it, every time I felt and allowed myself to feel.

That's where I learned how to cope. That's where I learned how to celebrate, how to soothe and how to live.

This is one of the things that keeps people from getting and staying sober, because once they start pulling that out. And having to look at what's causing them shame, having to really deal with the things that they were numbing to avoid,

having to work on healing areas of their life that they were trying to heal with alcohol.

This is what keeps so many people stuck, and I don't want that for you. I promise you that even though it's uncomfortable, even though it's hard, it is so worth it. So worth it.

Now, if you're listening to this and you're thinking, I have tried everything, I want you to know that you haven't been failing because awareness is a win and you are listening to this podcast episode, and that's a win too. What's been happening is that you've just been trying to heal in isolation and alcohol.

Freedom isn't about willpower, it's about surrender, and you don't have to do it alone. The Lord is with you. I am with you. And I am sure you have other friends and family who would love to walk with you in this as well.

I am here to tell you. That freedom is real. It is attainable for anyone, even the most hardened cases, and it's closer than you think. If this episode resonated, share it with a friend who might need to hear it. And if you are ready to explore what alcohol is costing you. And who you are becoming.

I've linked some free resources below.

You do not have to stay stuck. The Lord is with you and he's nudging you forward.

 Well, that does it for this episode of the Catholic Sobriety Podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I would invite you to share it with a friend who might also get value from it as well, and make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing. I am the Catholic sobriety coach, and if you would like to learn how to work with me or learn more about.

The coaching that I offer, visit my website, the Catholic sobriety coach.com. Follow me on Instagram at the Catholic Sobriety Coach. I look forward to speaking to you next. Time and remember, I am here for you. I am praying for you.