Confidence with your body, the gym and working out. With PT Jessica James

In this lively and insightful episode, I’m joined by the incredible Jessica James—personal trainer, online coach, and all-around legend! Jess shares her journey from overcoming personal challenges to empowering women in the gym and beyond. We dive into building confidence, breaking free from limiting beliefs, and how to navigate intimidating spaces like the gym with ease. 
Expect plenty of laughs, real talk, and even a few juicy tips for anyone looking to start or elevate their fitness journey. Whether you're a gym newbie or a seasoned lifter, this episode is packed with inspiration, actionable advice, and a good dose of empowerment.

🎧 Ready to take up space and embrace your strength? Tune in now!

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Transcript

So welcome to this episode of the podcast where I am joined by Jessica James. Jessica is my well, was my PT before she abandoned me for 3rd space. She was doing so well with me as well, but she's moved on to bigger and better things. But we got on so, so well during our time working together that I had to get her on the podcast.

So, Jess, would you like to introduce yourself, what you're doing now, and where people can find you? 100%. Thank you so much. So now I am starting a new job. So I've moved from David Lloyd Clubs where I met Natalie, and we were training together, I think, for about a year, wasn't it, Nat?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And since then I've left, and I've joined a 3rd space. So just cross progressing within my career.

And I have an Instagram, which is jessicajames_pt. And that's where they can find you for online pt. Is that right? Yeah. Online coaching.

Okay. Fantastic. So thank you, Jess. So I'm gonna start off with, 3 questions. This is a new format for me, but so you're gonna be the mom, you're gonna pop the cherry of the podcast with I'm so afraid.

Okay. I've I've also I'd probably better do a disclaimer that Jess and I, we can we have a lot of giggles. There's probably gonna be a bit of swearing, and definitely some dirtiness. I mean, yeah. I mean, yeah.

It's good to say just like our breathing session. Keep it real. Yeah. Let's go ahead and keep it real. Okay.

So first question for you. What's the one piece of advice you'd give your younger self during a big life transition? I think one thing one thing I've learned is you can't control other people, and that's the piece of advice I would give my younger self more generally. You can't control other people's reactions to things, and that is an ongoing lesson that I'm still learning. I am very empathetic.

I'd say that I'm definitely an empath, which is why I also love my job as a personal trainer, but it also bites you in the ass. And that's one piece of advice I wish I could tell, you know, my younger self, but even now, it's still, you know, a lesson that I have to learn time and time again. You can't control people. And I was listening to a podcast not long ago, and I forget the name of the lady now, but she said, let them. It's like that was that was her quote.

She was like, just let them. And that has helped me a lot, and I always go back to it because I get very wound up. I struggle to let things go. You know? And I always think, let them.

You cannot control them, but what you can control is how you react and the energy that you give certain people. So that's one piece of advice that I think I would more generally give my younger self. In terms of, you know, times of change and, you know, times when there's just a lot of change in the air, which is where I am right now. Don't put yourself in a box and don't limit yourself because that is something I am still so guilty of. You know?

You kind of set these boundaries for yourself of how far outside your comfort zone you can push yourself. And time and time again, I proved myself wrong. Like, even today, doing a podcast, I'm so nervous because I'm like, oh my god. Like, I'm talking, and then people can watch it back and, you know, judge me or or watch it back and, you know, laugh or I don't know. Whatever it might be.

You get in your own head, don't you? And constantly limiting myself, like even the job that I've got now, if you told me a year ago that I would have got this job I would have been like no no I fucking don't, like no way, but you know I do and I'm proud of myself for that and I'm constantly proving myself wrong. Like, yesterday, I got a message on Instagram from lululemon, and I was like, oh my god. This is so cool, you know. And I was just like, a year ago, I wouldn't have even posted anything, like, fitness related, tagging these brands or anything, putting myself out there because it was uncomfortable.

But change is uncomfortable. And I don't think that's ever gonna go away, but definitely not limiting myself, not putting myself in in a box and saying, you know, that's not you. You don't go outside these 4 walls. That's that's bullshit. That doesn't exist.

And I'm constantly trying to push them boundaries now. And I think once you take that first step, it's like, ah, it's like pulling a thread. It's like, oh, right. Yeah. A little bit more.

A little bit more. And then it's like, oh, I can keep going with this. So that's definitely a a good piece of advice. I've I think I could definitely tell my younger self. Or I would like to have told my younger self in terms of times of times of change.

That is so lovely, and it's also something about parrying forward as well. It's that kind of something I often say to people is when you're saying about that kind of let them, I often say to people, it's none of your business. Mhmm. What other people think of you and any judgments? Just none of my business.

It's just really easy to just be like they can just say and do what they want, and I really like that. I like that kind of just that nice general piece of advice. I also really, really like the don't box yourself in. I think that's lovely. And I think from working with you and getting to know you, I can really see why that piece of advice is the the best one for you because you're wonderful, you're lovely, and you deserve everything that is coming for you because I can see it.

I can see huge things for you, and I'm just just so excited to see your journey. I really am. Even that's why we've known you travel like the past year. I think I've changed a lot, so you've probably seen that. Yeah.

Definitely. The belief in yourself is definitely there a lot more for sure. And I guess that's the thing. You are 23. You know?

You it's you have the rest of your life ahead of you. It's so easy for me to say that from a place of 40 because yet now I'm 40. It's easy for me to say that because I've kind of treaded that journey. You know, this is the journey that you're on, and I just love seeing the fact that, yeah, you're getting more of that belief in yourself. You're getting you know, I could just see you stepping forward.

And like I said, when when you decided to leave me to leave David Lloyd's, I was really pissed off because I wanted to badly. Thanks. But I was just I was so proud of you. I was so proud of you. I was, like, pissed off for me, but proud of you.

And that's I remember you were like, fuck. Oh, fuck off. I was like, shut up. Shut up. Yeah.

Because you're trying to keep it a little bit more. Hush. The contracts are not signed. Shut up. But that's but, yeah, I think it's great.

And I think those are fantastic pieces of advice generally and, yeah, that kind of don't box yourself in. Okay. So question 2. If you could instantly master a new skill or hobby today, like, instantly, what would it be and why? Doesn't have to be anything to do with fitness, whatever.

The the ability to meditate. Oh. That is a skill. And do you know what? So I I've always struggled.

And this is again, like, I am only 23. Like, well, 24 next week, if that means. Oh, happy birthday. So thank you. You know, so I am I'm young.

I haven't got tons of life experience, but one thing I am learning about myself is that I do really struggle to switch my mind off. I don't know if it's more so than other people. I think I think it's a general struggle, isn't it? Everyone you never truly switch your mind off apart from maybe when you're asleep. But I think meditation is such a skill, skill, and I fucking hate trying it.

Like, I I constantly go to these sound bath meditation classes, meditation, sort of slow more mindful based classes. And even just, you know, when I'm at home on my own or whatever it might be, not just picking up my phone, going on Instagram, looking for that instant dopamine hit. Like, that, I think, is really it really negatively affects me. And like most people probably. Right?

And then your brain is constantly, you know, thinking, thinking, thinking. So I feel for me, if I was able to meditate, potentially, I could be able to switch it off a little bit more and just be a little bit more calm, relaxed, mindful, whatever meditation might bring for me. I think it's different for everyone. Right? But I do I do think that's a skill that I would absolutely love.

If I could be able to do that, the click of my fingers, oh my god. I think I would just be a better person all around. So good. Yeah. Meditation is so hard.

No. Yeah. It's it's taken it's taken me so many years. I mean, I'm now a mindfulness teacher, but it does I used to hate it, the idea of meditating. Yeah.

My god. I was like, no. It oh, I wanted to rip my skin off rather than do that, honestly. And I just understand it. Yeah.

I've I've all got about trying, but I can't at the moment. I I can't stand it because all I think about is everything that I need to be doing. And then I'm like, I don't have time to lie here. You know? I gotta go do this and that and this, and then it's like, no.

You need to make time to do nothing, and that's a really hard lesson to learn. And, you know, it's a skill. It's a skill, and I'm learning that it is a skill because I think when I first started, I was like, you don't do anything. You just you just, you know, you just relax and stay present. That's so hard.

That's so fucking hard. It's so hard. And, actually, I think it's probably hardest for people of your age as well, where you've grown up with a phone in your hand. Mhmm. Like, you know, I, I mean, I still struggled loads and loads, but I do think that I've noticed that I meditate less.

The more I'm on social media, the more I've got my phone in my hand, and I'll throw my hands up and say I'm addicted to my phone. There is literally nowhere I'll go without my phone. And if I don't have it, even my kids will kind of bring it up to me and say, mommy, you've forgotten your phone. They know already that how much I've kind of You don't think you're anywhere without your phone. No.

And it's not nice, but it is something. It is a skill. It's a muscle. You have to keep exercising it. You just have to keep going and going through it, but there are different things that you can do.

You can do, mindful movement. That could be a really good one for you. But But anyway, I'm not gonna go right into that, but we can talk about this afterwards actually because Yeah. Yeah. I I had to unlock different ways in order to practice mindfulness before I could even think about sitting.

So there are definitely different ways of doing it, but that is a great skill to have. Nice. I like that. Like that answer. Okay.

So, question 3. What is your go to song that makes you feel unstoppable? This is easy. Go on. Man eater by Nelly Furtado.

Oh, great song. Man eater. That is such a good song. Have you listened to that in June? Yes.

Yeah. It's it's good, isn't it? It's just yeah. The beats, the yeah. Just everything about it.

You need you just need that in your life. If you haven't listened to this when you're training or just walking down the street or getting ready to go out, you need this in your life, like, life changing. Okay? It's just taking it I don't wanna be dramatic, but it changed my life. Like, I can't.

We could definitely change, but it can change your framework, can't it? It's just make does it feel unstoppable, doesn't it? It's like Yeah. 100 percent. I was actually speaking to one of my clients the other day about, I'm sure she went out.

She she was just saying that, you know, she really struggles in the gym, and she was like, you wear head bones, don't you? And I was like, yeah. Of course. Like, I I love wearing head friends in the gym. Might just zone out.

I guess that's my form of meditation maybe, but, you know, you totally zone out. You have your headphones on, listen to music, but you need to have your playlist there so you're not constantly picking up your phone and scrolling. Because when the second you pick up your phone, I can almost guarantee you'll go on something else or tap that notification that came up, and then all of a sudden, 5 minutes has gone by, and you're that dickhead. Came up, and then all of a sudden, 5 minutes has gone by, and you're that dickhead that's taken up the machine for, like, 10 minutes. You're like, ah.

But no. I mean, having a good playlist when you're in the gym, honestly, is a game changer. Okay. And an extra, like, throw in tip there from you, don't be the dickhead who sat there on their phone. So excellent.

Don't be that guy. Don't be that person. But you went straight to that guy. I got don't be like that. Don't be that girl.

Yeah. But it's usually okay. Right. Right. I'll go up on the chair.

This chair keeps, people in the podcast listening won't be able to see this, but I am going to slowly go down. This chair keeps I didn't want to say anything. No. I'm joking. I'm not getting up.

I'm not sure. It's really bad. I need to get a new chair. Okay. So, so I'm just going to kind of start with some questions about your journey if I can.

Yeah, please. What inspa and I've obviously looking at your Instagram knowing you, you are very open about your journey into becoming a PT and I think that's such a lovely and inspiring thing because not everybody will show that side of them because it's quite a vulnerable space. But what inspired you to become a PT, and what is it you know, what what is your passion within this realm of being a PT? What inspired me to become a PT? I mean, I definitely fell into it a little bit.

I was really overweight, and you'll see that on my Instagram. I was really overweight. I was really down. I was pretty depressed. I wouldn't say I had depression, but I was pretty pretty depressed.

Quite an anxious person, really low self confidence. You know? I didn't I you know, very shy. Very shy. And it took me a long time to find what worked for me.

I realized there's a lot of bullshit out there. You know? I was going to Slimming World, Weight Watchers everywhere and anywhere and, you know, trying every fad diet, you know, ketogenic, whatever it might be. And you know what? Some of them work, but none of them work for long periods of time.

None of them are sustainable, I wouldn't say. And you have to learn what works for you. Everyone's different. But for me, that's a bit about my journey. I mean, I lost a lot of weight because I started looking into the science.

I got fed up, and I was like, okay. How does this actually work? You know, how do you lose weight? How do people do this? Because I was so obsessed with, like, every girl on Instagram that was super slim and just looked incredible.

And when I tell you I was obsessed, I was obsessed with these girls. I was like, I need to look at that. Like, when I look like that, I'll be happy. And I just put everything into that. You know?

And I got really down, really down, tried everything. I remember there was one day where I went to Slimming World, and, oh my god, if I knew them what I know now, maybe that's why I tell my younger self, XX is bullshit. You know, I was going in and getting weighed once a week get weighed once a week as a group. Obviously, same time of the week, and it was in the evening. So it was, like, 7:7 PM.

1 week, I'd have dinner before I went and got weighed on the scales. 1 week, I didn't 1 week, maybe I wore jeans. The week before, I wore, like, linen trousers. So as you can imagine, that's gonna affect the scales, but, you know, you also had your star week, which was the week where you were on your period, but we call it a star week. Which is so working weird.

Anyway so, yeah, obviously, the scales would go, and that's really disheartening because you're putting all your trust in these people. And it was quite humiliating because then if you did gain weight and, you know, this particular week, I remember I'd gained £4, but also had fish and chips before I went with the Slimming World special curry sauce, which is awful, by the way. Just if you're gonna have fish and chips, just have fish and chips. Yeah. My takeaway from that.

And if you'd gained weight or whatever you might have done, even if you had lost, you'd go around the circle and you talk about, oh, what what did you do wrong? What did you do wrong? Right. You would sit there, and I'd have to justify like, oh, yeah. Well, you know, on Wednesday, I had kebab.

And I remember I got so anxious. I remember my chest was so tight and I was, I used to go with my mom. So my mom was like, oh, are you okay? And I was like, no. Like, no.

Like, I was so embarrassed, and I feel so sorry for, like, myself in that situation because I feel like if it was a friend, I'd be like, no. Fuck these people. Like, you don't have to worry about them. Like, let's fucking go. Like, let's go to the gym and let's just do what works for you.

Like, you know, and I got so I get so angry now when I think back to it because I was so vulnerable and I almost feel like I was taken advantage of by, you know, these companies that just wanna make money out of you. Like, that you know, there is some truth in it. But if you go as far as telling someone that's, you know, somewhat overweight and wants to lose weight, oh, you can have as many potatoes as you want and still lose weight. You can have 7 sins or 14 sins a day. Forget what it is now.

It's like using that word sin. You're demonizing food. Like, there's so many toxic elements around around what they've created, but they are money making schemes at the end of the day. And long term, these people aren't successful. Therefore, they always have to go back to them.

And, you know, I feel so sorry for that version of myself, and I wish I could've just taken myself out of there and been like, this is what you need to do. I wish that I had me now there for myself, and that's what inspired me to sort of you know, when I did eventually lose weight and I looked at the science of how everything works, I got into strength training, and I fell in love with the gym, fell in love with exercise. That's why I love my job, and I can help people that you know, like me, basically. Oh, Jess. I I also I'm really feeling it as well.

Like, I wanna go look after little little you. You know? There's so much shame, shame wrapped up in it. And, like, as a therapist, I know, like, shame is the most powerful emotion that we can feel generally for most people. And it can drive us to do things, think things, you know, which are just really awful for us.

And so they've built an empire based on shame, shaming people, getting I want to lose some. And and so as a young woman, a young woman, you were sat there having to tell people why you've eaten things. Like, oh my god. That's just so it makes me wanna cry. It makes me really fucking angry.

I can tell you. Because as a therapist, I'd be sat there just thinking, well, this person's gonna be anxious. Like you said, you could feel it all in your chest as well. It's gonna create more emotional eating, you know, because if you're already in that pattern of emotional eating, the first thing you are gonna do when you feel bad, like being shamed at XX and not losing weight is feel a draw towards food. Mhmm.

That's kind of where you eat. So it doesn't fix anything at all. And you just consistently feel bad. So they're not actually helping you to make changes within you. It's just use our stuff.

Yeah. That's just it just feels really awful, and it's just, yeah, what a wrong way of doing that. I can't believe they've managed to build an empire on this. Yeah. I know I I think I saw some news headlines before about them, and they were trying to make some changes and stuff.

But, yeah, too little too late, I imagine. 100%. Yeah. 100%. But I love I loved what you said there.

I wish I had the me of today to come along and hold my hand and take me out of that. I love that. That's so empowering to really show you and embody where you're at right now. Yeah. And that is so lovely.

And that is basically what you're doing now. You're taking the hand of people and you're saying okay, yeah let's do this together. I can show you. I can help you to overcome those obstacles of you know I remember you saying to me once some people don't know how to pick up a dumbbell. So and that is, you know and so I go to them where they are at, and I will show them how to do that properly.

And and the way you were saying this, I could really feel your passion. I could feel like there is no shame. There are some people who have never done any of this before in their lives, and I'm never gonna make assumptions on people. Mhmm. I'm gonna see where they're at.

And that is where you get someone and build their confidence with them because you never make assumptions. And I love that about you. I thought that was one of the things that really stuck in my mind about you of just you truly want to help people and you truly feel it. And it comes, you know, when you're saying that you're an empath earlier on, you can feel it with you and I love that. I do care.

I probably care too much and I think being an empath is one of my strongest and weakest traits at the same time. It's really it's really hard to get my head running. It does affect me because being a personal trainer, being as similar as being a hairdresser, and it's like people tell you everything and anything, and that's great. But then I, being who I am, I want to help people, but there's only so much you can do. Right?

I see people for an hour, 2 hours a week, something like that. My online clients, we call a couple times a week. So, you know, you can only help people so much. But to be able to empower someone to believe that they can have this, you know, element of control around whether it's the eating side of things and that's going well or, you know, they're still consistently training, then, you know, that's my job done. Yeah.

And it is difficult. There's so many elements to personal training that I did not know were part of the job in store, so I started doing it. I remember that there was a trainer at David Lloyd before I'd started being a PT, and he was like, yeah. You'll be people's therapist. And I was like, yeah.

Whatever. Like you know? And you are. And that do you know what? That's one of my favorite parts of my job.

I love talking to people. I love helping people, you know, and it's interesting, obviously. I love knowing about what's going on in everyone's lives. Like, it's it's probably the most interesting part of my job sometimes. But, yeah, definitely definitely was not expected, by me when I started doing this job.

It's something I I've thought about loads. It's like those kind of jobs, you need to have something like, I have a clinical supervisor. Every single therapist, regardless of how many years they've been a therapist, requires a clinical supervisor. So you can then share all of this and offload and think about best practice in terms of how you can kind of help yourself. And people like you and I've done it with you.

I've come in and I'm just having a really bad day, and I'm like, ah, and I'm kinda telling you everything because you are connecting with the body as well. You're connecting with movement. You're connecting with the feeling and all of that. And you can end up, like, pouring it out as you're as you're working. And so, yeah, it is really hard to kind of make sure that you kind of hold that so you don't then take home other people's stuff.

But that I thought I I find that so useful working with you in terms of being able to share some of that because that's what I'm bringing in with me. You'd be like, how are you doing? You'd be able to instantly look at me and be like, you haven't slept? Or what have you been to? Have you been partying too?

What's wrong? What's wrong? It was so important to how I was training that day. Like, I mean, the amount of times I've, you know, been going through a little bit of a, like, a midlife crisis and been going out drinking a lot. And the amount of times I'm like, yes.

I'm so hungover. And then you're like, how are you lifting a 100 odd kilos with a hangover? Honestly, I've never met anyone like in my life. Life is yet to be matched. Oh, dear.

This is what you call full power mother. Men like, oh, I got tons of my ass. I'm like, really? Like, over from that fucking bottle to live in the world. I'm like, right.

Okay. You should be on more often because this is working quite well. Yeah. It's really worked. I mean, the gin is the takeaway.

Yes. But yeah. How you how you look after people I think it's beautiful and I think it's such a lovely thing because you you are bringing in everything that's kind of relevant within their lives. You aren't just like no this is the bit that I do Mhmm. Saying, okay.

I understand, like, the amount of times you said, like, I understand that you aren't sleeping. The kids aren't sleeping. What do we kind of need to do to adapt? What's right for you today? And it felt really freeing as well, and I think that that's a really lovely part because, yeah, I didn't have to then come in and pretend either.

It was you know? And and you don't have children, but you were really able to relate to me and understand, like, what was kind of happening with me. So yeah. I think it's a I think it's a it's it's a nice thing for yeah. It's a nice thing that you do and a nice way that you work, and I think that's what chain differentiates you from other people.

Yeah. I think it is having empathy for people in their situations because everyone's got their own shit, and everyone has got shit going on. And, you know, even if it's, you know, less severe than someone else's shit, it's still shit for them. And you've got you've got to empathize. And as a personal trainer, you have to be able to adapt, and I think that's what makes a good trainer.

The best exercise that we could do together is the one that you enjoy and the one that means when you leave the gym, you feel a lot better than you did when you when you walked in. So, I mean, some people might argue that and be like, no. Like, you have to follow a consistent training program. You have to be bam, bam, bam. In an ideal world, yes, you would always follow your program or what you have planned for the day, but sometimes it just doesn't happen, and that's okay.

And the minute you start telling people and as a trainer your clients, like, oh, like, no. Like, you've done this last week. Why you should be able to do this this week? You you're doing something wrong. You have to be able to adapt to that literal day.

And every time I see a client, I'll be like, how are you? How did you sleep last night? Have you had breakfast today? It might seem casual, but it's very calculated. It's very calculated on my part, and it's basically just doing a quick check of, you know, what what mood is my client in.

Are they happy? Are they a little bit lower energy? You know, what are we expecting from this session? And it's managing expectations as well because you don't wanna be set up for failure because there's nothing worse than being like, yeah, Nat. We're you know, we're gonna go over here today.

We're gonna do what we said we were gonna do last week and do a one rep max in your deadlift, and you're like, yeah. And I'll be like, yeah. That's what we said. Yeah. Like, that's not helpful.

That's not helpful. No. And that's what's lovely. It's it's that flexibility, isn't it? You've got to be flex and I think that, you know, everyone can kinda take that away for themselves.

Like, you don't have to be rigid unless you tell everybody all the time. Like you said, it's about leaving that feeling better than what you came in. Mhmm. Which is a really nice way of kinda looking at it. Yes.

Try to stick to the training plan, but if you're not feeling it and I've been there before and I've just been like, I cannot let it's it's kinda done. I'm done for the day. It's far better to listen to my body and saying that's enough because then I'll be able to rest, come back the next day, and then work harder than obliterate myself Yeah. And then have nothing and then just feel like, well, I feel shit. I've got nothing.

I you know, my body is not working the way and you can easily spiral out of that. And I think that flexibility is just flexed. And for women, where our hormones change every single fucking day, we need that flexibility because It's not an option to not be, you know, adaptable to change if especially for me, where I'm working predominantly with women. Like, it's not you have to be you have to be ready to make changes in your programs. But simple and effective, like, simple and effective training, in my opinion is and I think, you know, probably a lot of trainers do share that opinion.

You know, you don't need to come into a session during those crazy shit, you know, jump all over the place unless you wanna do that. That's that's fine, and that's cool too. But but I think simple and effective. Keep it simple. Keep it effective.

Focus on a bit of progression, but also be adaptable within that as well. I think people get really caught up, you know, and I get clients all the time. I'm like, oh, but shouldn't I be doing like that? And, like and it's like, well, let's just do the exercise that you enjoy because that's the one that you're gonna do time and time again. If you start jumping here, then it's like, are you gonna come in and do that on your own or, you know, are you gonna feel confident doing that?

Do you think your technique's gonna be good doing that? Like, let's start off really simple, really basic. Start to enjoy it. Enjoy coming in. Build it into your routine.

Build it around your life. Don't build your life around the gym. You know? Keep it simple, effective, and manageable. And then that way, you're setting yourself up for success again.

So good. So these are great, great tips. We haven't even got to the tips part yet. Okay. So core next question.

At just 23, you've already made an impact on loads of women's lives, including my own. Like you I liked the gym, I now love the gym. I love feeling strong, I love I now I now have the confidence in being able to pick pick up and try anything. And I like that. And I think that was working with you.

It really helped me doing that. And you also brought the fun elements for sure. What's been the most rewarding part of your journey so far? Just helping people, like, helping women and seeing seeing the the effects, I suppose, that I can have on people's lives like yourself. Seeing seeing people come from, you know, never stepping foot into a gym to then consistently going to the gym 3, 4 days a week.

People telling me, like, oh, I had a client, you know, she she had a frozen shoulder, and she was pretty down by it because it was, you know, really it's really debilitating. And, you know, she at one point couldn't even lift her arms over her head. And, you know, we worked on it for time. We worked on it for a long time, and it did get better. And it it, you know, ups and downs, ups and downs.

And she sent me a really nice message one day because she played netball. She had to stop for a while, and she sent me a really nice message and just suggest thank you so much for your help. Like, I never thought I'd be able to play netball like this again. And, you know, I'm so, so happy, and I was like, this is why I love my job. Like, to be able to help people just get their lives back and things that they've lost or being able to do things that they never thought they'd be able to do.

Because they, again, put yourself in a little bit of a box in terms of your limit, And it is mental. A lot of it is mental, but helping people feel empowered and, you know, helping women be strong in the gym and take up space in the gym and seeing the effect that that can have is probably my, you know, favorite part of my job for sure. Right. Isn't it? Just yeah.

You've been able to kind of see that in people and you know that you've really helped people with that to meet their goals as well. So someone with a frozen shoulder will have different goals too. Someone who I mean, when like, for myself, I initially came and was like, oh, I wanna lose weight, get fitter, and then quickly became like, just wanna be fucking strong. I was like, oh my god. Okay.

Just wanted to be strong. And you were like, yeah. Yeah. Nat, you could do it. You could do it.

You can lift. You could do this, and you showed me. And I was like, I just wanna be strong. I love it. I was thinking about you the other day.

There was a guy on the sled, and he had a 160 kilos on there. Mhmm. And he was going up and down. And I said, oh, can I jump on that next? And, he was with PT, PT that you'll know.

And, the PT said, oh, he'll just be finished in a minute. I'll take it all off you. I went, leave it on. And he went, what? So leave it on.

It'll be fine. And I did it. I bet you. Up and down. I figured I did 4 of them and I was like, come on.

I said, yeah. Usually, Jess has to jump on for me because I just Yeah. You know, add that extra 70 something ks dude. But I was thinking of you, and they were watching me. The the even the PT was like, I've only done a 150 on that.

And I was like, wow. Jess was training me. Straight. He was like, are you getting a new PT? And I was like, no.

I don't I don't think anyone will really match up to that. I was thinking know. Oh. But that's the thing. Because you also you adapted to goals as well.

So the goal started one way. No. It's ever changing. It's ever changing because, you know, someone will start off being like, oh, I can't, you know, I can't go over there, like, the freeway area or it might be like, oh, I can't do, you know, that machine or, you know, everyone has their own their own thing. And then all of a sudden they they do something, they love it, and they're like, oh, I wanna do more of this actually.

And similar to yourself, like, you started off, you know, main goal, back loss, you know, just getting a bit bit more structure in the gym. And then all of a sudden, you're like, fucking, yeah. I wanna lift as heavy as I can. I was like, Jesus Christ. She actually does, and she is, and she's getting so strong.

And I was just like, yeah. I'm here for this. Like, let's go. I know. But actually having so yeah.

That's the thing. Having you there, those moments where I wanna, like, lift heavier, lift further, and it's when you have someone in your ear saying, yes, you can do this. Like, the belief that you have, like, in that person and that person, you know, you are not someone who is going to come and go, do this, do that. Like, I would seriously tell anyone who did that to me, like fuck off. I know that some people like trainers like that which is not Yeah.

Yeah. You are so encouraging, but you're like you're encouraging but strong and it's like, yes. You can do this. Come on, Natalie. Come on.

Come on. You can do this. You can lift this. You you got this, and you know when to push me. And that's Yeah.

It's really nice. And that's that's the absolute beauty of having a PT, I think, for me. Yeah. I agree. And it's knowing your client as a personal trainer.

It's knowing your client, knowing, you know, them as a person and what they want and what they respond well to and what they like and what they don't like. And you have to be aware of that. And I found it challenging with some clients, and, you know, I've read them wrong and, you know, they they've gone to different trainers, and it it does happen. Like, you don't you don't get one. You don't gel with everyone.

You're not everyone's cup of tea. But, for the most part, it comes back around to being adaptable. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the thing.

None of us are at everyone's cup of tea. We cannot do that. We cannot people please every single person. Exactly. Yeah.

Let them let them. Like you said, let them. They can believe what they wanna do. Okay. So I was gonna ask you as well.

So just broadly, there's so much pressure for women around fitness goals. How do you help your clients to stay motivated without burning out as well? Because I think you were saying before like Instagram you're looking at people on Instagram it just looks so like they're at the gym all the time and it's really hard to kind of get that balance. Mhmm. So balance between sort of The so the pressure around getting the fitness goals and then not burning out.

Mhmm. I think it's managing their expectations because, like, it's you know? And I think it's it's fair enough. You know? I mean, a lot of people, and they'll generally say, like, yeah.

You know? I'm pretty they come in. They're motivated. 1st 1st session, let's say. You know?

They come in like, yeah. I'm gonna go 6 days a week. You know, and I'm like, okay. The trim for no. No.

1st time, 6 days a week. Okay. Fine. I'm not gonna tell someone no because you don't again, I'm not gonna tell someone no. You you can't do that because they can do that.

But it's also being okay with them not doing that and kind of approaching it from a different angle of saying, yeah. Oh, yeah. You definitely could train 6 days a week, which is true. However, it'd probably be more beneficial for you actually just to train twice or 3 times, see how you go and follow this plan and just really get good at that because, you know, the science says the a b c. You know, you don't need to actually do 6 days a week.

Then they're like, oh, okay. Like, you know, and then you get some people that are like, no. No. No. No.

And then that's fine. That's fine. You know, they will feel the effects if we're if we're talking about that person, but, you know and that's okay because everyone's an adult. Like, you can do what you want. I'm just there to guide people.

And at the end of the day, if you don't want my advice, then don't get PT. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You think you think that is, you know, self explanatory, but it's not.

And some people, like, telling me, you know, what what's right and what's wrong, but there is no right and wrong. It's opinion. The only difference is I should most of the time have more knowledge than my client on the subject. So, you know, if you want it or you don't. And I think it's just, you know, managing expectations is a big one.

Managed expectations, also just being realistic about their style of training and their goals. So a lot of the time I'm pulling people back and saying, let's just, you know, fat loss is a big thing. Right? So let's just lose £1. Come and talk to me when you've lost £1 because if you can lose £1, we can lose £2.

You know? And as long as we're keeping that consistent, then consistency is key. We will get there. But simple and effective, and it applies to every element of training, replies to applies to the nutrition side, the training side, and lifestyle. The way that I approach it is a lifestyle change.

I wanna know what you do for work. I want to know, you know, how many hours of sleep are you in on average tonight. I wanna know what your triggers are, like, why are you stressed? I wanna know everything about you to sort of understand how can I help you because it's not actually most of it doesn't happen in the gym a lot of the time unless your goals are solely around, you know, I just want to gain muscle? I just want to aesthetically, you know, do this or that.

A lot of the time, a lot of it is what you do when you're not in the gym. And that's, you know, a really big part of my job. So that's kind of how I help people manage is to reign everyone back in a little bit, but not in a patronizing way, just in a way of it's great to be ego. And it's really it's really great to sort of, you know, be motivated and be excited about training and excited about the gym. But my job, a lot of the time, comes around to, you know, just being realistic and managing expectations around around goals, I would say.

Yeah. And I I do know same applies with therapy as well. Mhmm. I often say to people that what you do outside of therapy is more important than what you're doing in the actual session. Mhmm.

Because it is all of those other things, you know, those elements. That's where you're living your life. You can't come to the gym, do, you know, 5 days a week, 3 or 4 days a week training, and then have you have a cheat day every single day in terms of your food. And just like, for me, I know you kept saying to me, like, gotta stop drinking wine. That's the thing.

My little treat wine in the evening as as a mom, it's like, yeah. Okay. Get the kids to bed. And I'm like, oh, I can have a glass of wine or I go out or do those things. Yeah.

It is it is those kind of things outside of that. And you always used to say to me, like, you know, sleep. If you could sleep more, Natalie, you'd be able to lift more, and that's the thing. But you also then said, you've got 2 kids, 2 young kids. So I get it.

So we're gonna train with you where you're at. So I think that's the thing. So instead of, you know, instead of making it worse, instead of making the burnout worse for me, because I was burning out in terms of work, mumming, doing those things, actually the gym becomes a sanctuary. Mhmm. It's not adding to the burnout.

It's actually alleviating some of it which is really nice. Mhmm. And I think that's that's a lovely way to kind of work and be able to approach it in that way. Yeah. 100%.

And that's something I try and do for and it is it's a lot of mainly females that do feel, you know, quite intimidated and shim a lot of time. It's not really a sanctuary at first for for the most part. You know, for some women, it is, but for most women, it's not. And for me, for you, it now is. But I know even in my own experience, I fucking hated the gym.

I was so intimidated and so scared to go into a gym. I had no idea how to use anything or, you know, I was just totally clueless, totally clueless. And I did have a PT in hindsight now, and he was pretty shit. But do you know what? He got me in the gym.

He got me in the gym, so fair play. But going forward, I I just kinda went a bit solo, but, you know, it got me in there and it got me consistent and it it started the ball rolling for me, and it became a sanctuary over over years over years, and I think that's a big part of my job where I'm training predominantly women, you know it's helping them get confidence in that space and having creating that space as a safe space and them enjoying coming in because if you don't enjoy it you're probably not gonna you know, stick with it long term. So that's always a goal that's in the forefront of my mind, and it doesn't matter what it is, you know, even if we start a new program, like, do you enjoy it though? Like, yeah, you're making progress, your weight's going up, you're doing well, but do you enjoy it? Do you look forward to it?

And if they're like, no, then it's like, well, we'll change it then. 

One thing that I found working with you actually is off the back of that, to like, having a woman show me around the gym, I think, is a really nice way of doing it because you being I mean, obviously I'd already been to the gym and everything before, but that whole taking up space. Yeah. And that as women together, I think that must help some people as well to then feel more confident in those spaces because, you know, I've gone there with you. Mhmm. I've actually kind of been in that space.

It feels comfortable. And also seeing how you interact with other people around there as well. You're very happy to go up to people and say, 'Are you gonna be finished soon?' Or those kind of things. And I think that's really nice Yeah. Have a woman to be able to do that because then when they're on their own, it can kind of feel a little bit more confident building.

Yes. So it's so can I? Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's really nice.

And I actually did that for one of my friends last week. So she's never dead lifted before. So I was being the PT last week showing her Oh, hang on. Yes. She was just like I'd be terrified, Nigel.

I'm like, are you sure? No. It was really, really nice to do it because she's so used to being in, like, one certain area, and she's like, I've never been, like, in this area of the gym to do any lifting. So, you know, I'm I'm I'm I'm intimidated by it. So it was really nice to be able to kind of be that woman to then show her that area.

And then she said yesterday, she said, I went in there again, and I did dead lifts, and I was really, really pleased with myself. I was like, yay. It's a win. That's such a good feeling, isn't it? It's just helping helping other women take up space in the gym, and I think it's such a it's a fairly new, you know, movement.

Like, women lifting weights was not a thing not too long ago. It was very men, male dominated, and there's definitely misconceptions that, like, if you lift weights, you'll be big. But, you know, it's it's definitely worth doing for everyone. Every woman should be weight training. You know, you don't have to look too far in terms of the science as to why, but it's it's honestly the best form of exercise that I think anyone could do.

Oh, absolutely. And as a woman who is now diagnosed with perimenopause, every single time I speak to the doctors, any doctor, and they're like, what are you doing for exercise? Mhmm. And I say I'm doing weight training. You can see them like, yes.

Yes. Because we have to protect our bones. Yes. So and they're saying that is the best thing that you can do is actually the weight training, weight lifting side of it. So they are really, really pleased.

So I would definitely be saying for any any woman who's approaching menopause or perimenopause in any which way, learn how to lift. Mhmm. Learn how to do this in groups. You don't have to be a power lifter or those kind of things, but protecting our bones. And when there are women going into perimenopause The sooner, the better.

Any yeah. Anytime. But I would I would definitely say that people of my age, 100%, like, do it because I do feel stronger. And, you know, the fact that the doctors look so happy as well, that's, like, it's a good thing for us. So protecting our bones because we are living longer.

The average age of a woman now in the UK, to before the average death age of a woman in the UK now, I think it's mid eighties. So if we're going through perimenopause and menopause in our forties fifties, we still have 30 odd years in which if we've not protected our bones, we could have all of the issues. So I think, you know, let's get in there, let's get in there early, learn how to do this, learn how to look after ourselves, feel comfortable in the gym, feel confident in the gym. Anything to promote that. And it doesn't always have to be the gym.

I you know, obviously people do lots of different exercises at home and those kind of things, but I think it's just about looking after ourselves because we are living longer. And for me, I can't be living longer with a healthy body and being able to move my body and not have brittle bones. Yeah. So yes. This is like I yeah.

I think I think it's a great thing. It's a great thing to keep promoting it as well. It is, honestly. And it is it is it's life changing for a lot of women. Like, taking up that space in gym, learning how to weight train, feeling confident, enjoying it, it's life changing.

And, you know, mentally and physically, I would say as well. For sure. And so off the back of that, so I would really like you to give a a tip for anyone who's listening if you can. What is especially for women who feel intimidated by going into the gym, What's one piece of advice you can give them to start their journey or feel more confident today in the gym? I mean, there's loads of advice I could give.

One thing I would say is I have met a lot of women. And I can tell you every single woman has said to me, I feel intimidated in the gym. I don't feel confident or comfortable down in the gym. You are not alone in how you feel. I was also the same.

Like, you are not alone. Like, I can't tell you. Everyone every woman feels the same, and, you know, maybe there are women that don't, but, generally, women that come to trainers for advice, a new new training, they feel that way too. So first thing, no. You're not alone in how you feel.

Second thing, do what feels manageable. Don't go in there with an unrealistic expectation of, you know, oh, I'm gonna, you know, go and use that machine that's, like, huge or, you know, maybe it's actually not so bad when you get someone to show you it, but go for something that feels manageable. Just get in that space. Even if you're on a mat, you know, following following your workout on your phone, that's fine. Just get in the gym.

Get in there because you'll start breaking down. It's that same thing about stop putting the thread. Like, get out of your comfort zone. Start somewhere smaller and then build up to it. The other thing I would say, if you have someone, a friend, a family member that goes to the gym, go with them.

Like, that will help you so much. They're gonna show you the ropes, like, how you done yesterday for your for your brand. Like, that's, you know, probably gonna start getting the ball rolling. Once you set up a barbell a couple of times, you know, it's actually not so bad. It's quite manageable.

You know, no one's actually looking at me. No one seems to give a shit that I'm here. You quickly realize everyone's too vain anyway to be looking at what you're doing. So it's quite good, really. Get some headphones.

So now enjoy it. Make it your workout. There's no need for it to be any crazy 2 hour long session. If that's kind of what you're going into the gym with that in the forefront of your mind, then, you know, you're setting yourself up for failure again. Set yourself up for success.

Keep it simple. Keep it effective. Or the best option you could do is get me as an online coach. I'll program for you. We can talk about what you wanna achieve, what you wanna do, and we can do it together.

So, I mean or get a get a personal trainer. Like, honestly, get a personal trainer. Get an online coach. Get someone that you trust, that you feel aligns with, you know, what you want to achieve and how you you feel comfortable and confident. You know?

I think that's really important because it is a really personal thing. A personal trainer is personal, and you're not gonna get on with every PT. So I think it's same when, you know, when I when I meet new clients, have they shopped around for trainers? Am I the 1st trainer they've gone to? Am I expecting to, you know, get on with everyone?

No. And that's okay. That is so okay. But find a trainer that works for you. If you have, you know, that excess income to invest, oh my god.

Like, there's no better way to spend your money. I promise you it's worth it. I have an online coach now, and it's, you know, it's worth it. Okay. Less of it for my family, but yeah.

Get an get a get a get a personal trainer. If you have the money to invest, get a personal trainer. And it is an investment. You you can't put a price on your health.

I mean, everyone said it. Right? But you can't. Look after yourself. It's really important.

I mean, I'm thinking you know that more or as well as I do, probably more so. So, you know, it's well worth the time. And, you know, even if you have got a super busy job, super busy life, if you got 10 kids, you know, you're not gonna be living as long or as as as good of a quality of life as you could if you don't do this. So making time for it is worthwhile. And I see it time and time again.

You know? I get people come to me, you know, not it's never too late, but if they came earlier, they made a bit more time, and they didn't do this job that burned them out to the point where they've had to have time off work or they've got injuries or they're just so mentally frazzled, they would have just been in a better place now. And if they could go back in time, I think they would have done it. And I see it a lot. So I'm talking from a point of view of someone that's seen people from different stages of life coming to me and different walks of life coming to me, and I'm just like, please, everyone, take time.

You know? Even if you're just going to the gym, just lift some weights. Try it out. You know? You don't have to be so regimented with it.

Do something. Something is better than nothing. However, if you've got, you know, that extra income to invest into a trainer, whether it's online, in person, whatever it might be, then then please do it as long as you find the right person for you. Yeah. Absolutely.

I think it is such an investment and but it's it's an essential. Looking after your your physical health, your mental health, all of that. It's so, so, so important. Because like I was saying earlier on, we are living for longer. Like, we we need to be taking care of ourselves.

We live in a world that kind of takes our energy and it will take and take and take and take and it'll take everything kind of from us. And, yeah, be it like for me, it's something that's an absolute essential. I know if I haven't been training I feel it in my body, I feel it in my mood. You know my mood just absolutely plummets when I'm in training. And yeah and that's the same yeah mental health, physical health.

If you can afford to do it look after yourself in that way, get someone who is a specialist, knows what they're doing, then can guide you through it for sure. Mhmm. Okay. So what is so finally we're kind of looking at a small achievable goal. What is something that they could kind of have as a small achievable goal that they someone could take away and do today?

I know you've already said about stepping into the gym, but what else can someone do? Mhmm. Plan time for any sort of exercise. Plan time for planned exercise. You know, we're all moving throughout the day, but plan something.

It doesn't have to be in a gym. If it is in a gym, plan what you're gonna do in the gym. Say, okay. Monday at 6:30 PM, I will do this. Because if anything, it's building that sort of discipline around doing what you say you're gonna do in terms of, like, an exercise in an exercise way.

So build it into your lifestyle, taking that time out of your week. Even if it's not, you know, to go and do a weight training session, start taking them chunks of time out for exercise, for mindfulness even. You know? Do a meditation or, you know, something. Prop up your phone.

Do a little homework out. You know? Whatever it might be, just take some time out of your day starting from, you know, new week. Do it. Do it.

That's something I would say to start doing now, and then you can build on it. You know, whether you're getting a gym membership or whether, you know, you're progressing within the sessions that you're doing or training with, you know, more intensity, you can build on that. But as long as you're taking that time for some sort of physical activity or mental, you know, mindfulness, you know, which I hate. I fucking hate, but I'll still make time for it because I'm lying there like I bet. Gonna be done.

But I'll still go because I want to get better. I'm very determined to get better at it. So, yeah, that's one thing I would say you can do. Almost immediately, just plan some time and follow through with it. Stick with it.

Yeah. It's it's I kind of liken it to when I'm when I'm working with someone in therapy and they have a goal a behavioral goal, I often say to them to put it in your diary like like you did and commit to it as if it was a business appointment because it is it is an a really essential appointment with your with yourself. So or a GP appointment or something like that, you just wouldn't miss it. You would make that time. So make that time, put it in.

It's a non negotiable. So Only way of doing it, really, isn't it? So well, okay. Well, thank you. So that is the end of our questions today.

It has been just so lovely talking with you and just being able to share some of this because you do. You inspire me so much, you know, in in terms of just who you are, your approach to actually working with people. And I think that that's just such a it's such a nice thing, and I, you know, I want I want you to be able to kind of share that with people as well. I know that we're gonna continue working together because I really like how you train. I like you know me as well, all those things.

But, yeah, it's just been really lovely, and I hope that and I know that you're gonna go from strength to strength, whether that is at 3rd space, but definitely with the online coaching as well because you just you're you, which is great. Oh, no. I know. I know. It's so bittersweet because I miss our sessions.

I miss them so much because it is it's both ways. Right? I love my clients. I love them so much. You build such deep relationships with people, and you get to know whatever you know, what's going on in people's lives.

Like and you feel really, really close to people, and it's so sad when you have to leave, but we're gonna keep we're gonna keep this going. We're gonna keep this going for sure. I'm so grateful for the amazing people that I get to help genuinely. So, yeah, thank you. Thank you.

So if you and so just to remind everybody, we can find you at jessicajames_bt on Instagram. Is that right? On Instagram. Exactly. And so everyone can kinda find you on there and follow you, and they can DM you for any sort of training plans.

And and then yep. And then Just send me a message. Send you a message. And then there's also 3rd space in Richmond you're gonna be in. Exactly.

Yeah. Which opens in December. In December. Lovely. Okay.

So, yeah, thanks very much, Jess. It's been an absolute pleasure today. And so for everybody else listening, if you want to contact me, if there are any questions that you have that you want to drop in the podcast, just let me know. And we will see you next time. Take care.

Bye bye. Thank you.