Feelgoodery is recorded in front of a live studio dog
Welcome to feelgoodery, a place where take the sore spots and the cringe and the bloat, anything that has the potential to make us feel like crap, it’s fair game so we can let the air out of it and make it a little gooder. And today we’re talking about change and identity and careers, all the fun. And I’m so glad you’re here. Second sparkle coming up, here we go.
Hey my friend, I hope you’re having a wonderful day. Have you adjusted to the time change yet? Or are you going to bed at 8pm because it gets dark at 5 now, or want to go to bed at 8pm? I actually sort of stayed on the same time zone, because Marc’s not home right now which means I can get up when I want to get up which is around 5am. So when the clocks changed, I went to bed at around the same time which means I’m getting up at what used to be 6am but is actually 5am in reality which is great. I compromise when hes home and get up at 6 because he would ideally like to get up at 7 or 730 but for me that is ridiculous and anxiety inducing.
But in all honesty, my best days, my most calm days, my most productive days - are the days when I get up at 5am. And I think one of the reasons is that a lot of other people are still sleeping and energetically, it feels a little calmer. Especially because I live in a condo downtown, that’s a lot of people and a lot of collective energy around 8, 9am when everyone is starting there hustle.
So it’s this serene quiet time between 5-7am, where I can get grounded, hear my own thoughts, and it’s also coffee hour so it’s this blend of just magic. But that’s me. But maybe you? Are you an early morning person?
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Today I wanted to talk about something a little bit different, but still relevant to this show. Because as you know - we talk about the messy on this show, the awkward, the harder parts of being a grown up. And one of the trickier parts of being a grown up, is navigating change in front of other people. And change can of course mean many things - but in today’s case, I’m narrowing in on either changing careers, or, starting a side hustle or side dream, but are afraid of what other people might think.
Because that can be a whole messy insecure thing all on it’s own. And I say this with some experience - more experience than some, way less experience than others but from my own experience, I know it can be a difficult thing to navigate sometimes, and it can be really challenging and scary. Because it brings your identity into things and that’s always a vulnerable, maybe sometimes fragile thing.
For those who don’t know, my main thing before this nutrition and health world was acting. For a good 7-8 years I made my living as an actor, which is what I wanted to do since I was a kid. In my grade 8 year book I wrote that I was going to be an actor when I grew up and you KNOW when you write something in a grade 8 year book it’s essentially signing a contract with your own blood. But my identity for a good while was that. And then I started getting burned out, I didn’t love auditioning and I was getting real sick of the ego’s in the industry. And I knew I wanted a change of some sort but it took a chunk of time before I was willing to admit that outloud. Because if I wasn’t acting anymore, would that look like defeat to other people? That I gave up? Or couldn’t cut it? Would people think any job I did after that be my second choice because I made acting my thing for so long? It was a long list of questions that largely was dependent ON EVERYONE ONE ELSES OPINION OF ME, and not what was actually going to make ME happy. But we’ll get into that concept in a little.
So I took the step, took a step back from the acting industry, and then went back to school to study nutrition. And then I went FULL clinical. I went to work in a clinic and started seing clients and, if I’m being honest, I wanted people to think highly of what I was doing. You get so many mixed responses when you tell people you’re an actor, which many people in that industry know so well, but if I worked in a clinic, that meant peopel woudl be impressed. And AGAIN - it’s clear that the validataion of what I was doing was based on other people’s approval.
And from there - as I was working in clinic, I got asked to step back into the acting industry and by that point, I had enough space and rest that I did get back into it with the joy I used to have with it. So I had both things in my life, my nutritional practice, and the acting thing. And both were working! I was, like so many people in my generation, a multi-hyphenate, where you do multiple things.
But then - even for me - I wasn’t sure what quote unquote, career or identity I wanted people to associate me with. SO much so, that when I got asked years back to come on The Morning Show for a segment to talk about nutrition - I declined, because I was afraid if casting directors saw me on TV talking nutrition as myself, they would think I was less interested or not serious about acting.
So then I had a couple years of separating both. And then it wasn’t until I did this talk at the ACTRA conference, which is the Actors union here in canada, that I realized I sort of liked talking in front of people about this wellness stuff - and so I reached out to The Morning Show, years alter, and asked if I could come on to do a segment and then the rest snowballed from there. So I was doing both, and caring a little bit less about what people thought of what I was doing. And then - almost because of that, things got busier in both departments. And then I got more involved in the business side of a meal-prep company I was working with, which also brought up some identity questions and if I liked this business world.
And now we’re entering podcast land this year as we well know and I’m airing ALL of my dirty laundry. So it’s all a bit of a juggling act if I’m honest, and I’ve had to take a bit of hiatus from the acting thing for the time being because theres only so much hours in the day.
And I say this whole story NOT to brag and NOT to toot my own horn whatsoever, it’s not a subtle “I don’t know how she does it” moment. I promise.
But I say this to point out that all of those changes, and new roles and identities (and I use that term loosely because it’s a slippery thing to attache your identity with your job.), but all of those changes did NOT come easily, and were loaded with doubt and apprehension.
So - if you’re considering a change, maybe you want to look for a different job, or change careers, or go back to school, or if there’s this hobby you have that you’d like to make more than a hobby - if you’re considering making that change but aren’t doing anything about it yet because you feel fear, or apprehension, or doubt . . . I just want to lay some things out on the table to keep in mind. Because that cringe factor you feel, or apprehension? You are NOT alone in it. But it’s also not a reason to not go for it.
Let’s get into it - here are some things to keep in mind if you’re thinking about making a change
Thing Number One: It’s Not a Sign of Defeat if You Change Careers or Start a Side Hustle
It’s really easy to think that if you’re changing careers, going back to school, or starting a side gig - that other people might see it as a sign of defeat, or that things aren’t going well for you, or - a big one in the era of social media - that things HAVEN’T been as good as maybe you’ve been letting on.
But really - that’s all bull crap.
Because the truth is - things are WAY different now than they were 50 years ago, or even 20 years ago. It’s not the norm anymore to have ONE job for your entire life. The norm has changed.
It’s incredibly common to change jobs, or to have a side hustle. And in fact, it’s now a sign of being successful if you are a multi-hyphenate. (With the caveat that you aren’t burning yourself out of course). But if you do this AND that? Amazing. Corporate by day and building a perfume empire by night? Incredible.
The truth is - you changing careers, or going back to school, or starting a side gig based on a hobby you love and think you could make a business at? That’s not a sign of defeat. That’s a sign of confidence. It’s showing the world that you are brave enough to make a change, and brave enough to go after what you want. And truth is? Though it doesn’t MATTER what anyone ele thinks, I guarantee most people are going to look at you with admiration, and maybe even a little bit of jealously. Seeing YOU take the steps that they wish they were taking as well
Things Number Two: No One Cares About What You’re Doing
This is a big one, and a lesson most of us need to hear over and over again. You are the one who cares about what you're doing. Everyone is always more concerned with themselves than they are about you.
Yes we make small talk, and we ask each other what the other person is up to, but the cold hold truth is, as YOU are talking about what YOU’VE been up to, the other person is being polite and listening but really not that invested - because they’re reflecting on what they’ve just said OR are mentally prepping to tell you about themselves once you’re done talking.
And this isn’t to make you feel LESS important, whatsoever. Because you are important. This point, that no one cares about what your doing, is to make you feel empowered. Don’t be afraid of what other people will THINK because the truth is, the only thing people are thinking about, is themselves.
You’ve got free reign, it’s like this force field you have around yourself. Where you can do you in this magical force field, you can make the bold steps that will better your life, and the world outside this forcefiel will carry on one way or another.
Of course - the caveat to this point is that youre nearest and dearest, your family, your kids, your dogs - of COURSE they care about what you’re doing. And if you are changing your life for the better, and taking bold steps for yourself, well that’s a HUGE benefit to them as well, so hopefully they’re as excited as you are.
Thing Number Three: If you’re saying goodbye to something now, it doesn’t mean you won’t be saying hello again.
It’s really easy to think in black and white. That if you quit something today, it’s gone forever. Its’ actually pretty dramatic if you think about it.
But life is fluid. And if you recognize that just because you’re saying goodbye to something now, doesn’t mean it’s goodbye forever - sometimes that recognition alone can make it easier to start something new.
And you also don’t know how your skillset that you’ve acquired this far, is going to come into your life down the line.
For example - in what I do on the morning show, it is talking about nutrition which in my timeline is my newer career but it also draws upon my skillset from early acting and improv days because it’s live tv and anything can happen.
And it’s the same for you. You don’t know if your accounting knowledge might come in real handy for when you’re taking your hobby candle company public.
So don’t discount what you’ve done up until this point, it wasn’t a waste of time, you didn’t get off track. It’s all serving a bigger thing for yourself.
And remember - it’s not goodbye necessarily - its just a puzzle piece that will all make sense in the end when the puzzle come together.
Thing Number Four: Everything Becomes a Memory Anyways. (if you feel like youre starting from scratch)
This reminder is for those days when you feel like there’s TOO big of a hill to climb. When you don’t want to start from scratch, when you feel like your back in grade one, there’s so much to learn for this NEW thing you want to do.
For all the days that are not glamorous, and are just boring hard work or long hours. Remember, that this day, like every other day, will just become a memory. It’ll all be over at some point, and you’ll be looking back at it. And from that vantage point - you’re sort of living in that memory righ now.
With that - just humour me for a second. Imagine yourself as your future self, the one whos accomplished all the things. So as your future self, look back on this day, which is a now a memory for your future self, look back on this day as the day that you put in the work, you took things step by step, and powered through. And it led you to the good stuff that future you is benefiting from.
So don’t let the hard stuff, the start from scratch thing, stop you from starting - because ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, whether you do the work or you quit because it was too hard, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, it’ll become a memory. So hopefully itll be the memory of you putting in the work that ended up paying out for your solid future.
Thing Number Five: Good things Come when You Trust Your Gut
I always like reading to autobiographies or listening to people on podcasts who have these big companies or they’ve accomplished these big dreams, and it’s very impressive - but what a lot of them say when asked about what theyve learned, or mistakes they wish they would have only made once -
The answer for a lot of the time - is that the BEST stuff started happening, when they listened to their gut, when they trusted their gut,
And it’s this life lesson that we tend to hear a lot about but dont always apply it to ourselves because it can be a SCARY THING - to trust our gut and take ACTION by it.
But it’s very true.
And I do believe that if you’re coming from a place of love (rather than fear), if you’re coming from a place of love and trusting your gut and taking the actions you know you need to take, I truly believe that that’s when good things start coming. And things start falling more easily into place.
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And that sound means that it’s time for today’s feelgood thing. Which are little weird things that make us feel good that deserve a spot in the momentary spotlight so we can train our brains to seek out the good, because they are way too good at finding the bad.
Today’s feegoodthing is the first pee of the morning. And that may be crude but YOU KNOW it’s a feelgood thing. It was a toss up between the first pee of the morning or the first fart of the morning but in the end, I went with pee because we all pee first thing but mayb you don’t fart first thing, so I wanted to be inclusive.
But when you release that pressure that's been building all night, and you clear yesterdays junk out the way - there is that nice relief and solid exhale before starting the rest of the morning. And if you don’t agree, then you need to drink more water but I do hope you agree. Because that first pee of the morning - that really is just a feel good thing.
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Alright my friend, that’s just about it for our time together today. The sun is up for like 2 more hours so I’m going to going to get outside and take Sam for a walk before he starts pawing at me out of frustration, so let’s wrap is up shall we.
Change can be a scary thing. Especially when when that change happens in front of other people. But sometimes, when that gut feeling becomes so strong and so consistent, we have no choice but to take that leap of faith. And the irony is, that most good things come when we make that change, and we finally start taking action. This is YOUR life, and you deserve to make it work FOR YOU. And don’t let the doubt, the apprehension or the REAL, or oftentime IMAGINARY opinions of other people stop you.
As always, if you are enjoying this show it would mean a lot if you share the show on social media (be sure to tag me @itskyleb so I can repost), or leave a five star rating or review. It does mean a lot to me, so thank you.
I hope you have a wonderful day ahead. And if you were looking for a sign to take that step and make that change, maybe this is it. So go make good memories And I will see you next time on feelgoodery.
And now for the legal stuff. The information provided in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please always consult with your health care provider.