In this Self-Centered Session with Rachel, we identify the behaviors, circumstances, and characteristics that we repeatedly engage in that hold us back from elevating to our next level potential on our journey to "Be Self-Centered".
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And welcome to this episode of The Self-Centered Woman Podcast.
This is your host, Rachel Hart. And we are here doing a “Self-Centering” session with Rachel.
So getting a little bit more intimate in the mentorship platform this week.
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And I am also sure that today's episode is specifically for you, because it's for me, it's for all of us.
And we talked last week about habits and tools to improve on, or creating new, healthy habits with the look, listen, learn, reflect, renew, resist tool.
And today I wanna go deeper into habits, and let us ask this question… What is holding us back?
That's all we're gonna talk about today. What is holding you back?
And if you say nothing, then you haven't been sitting still long enough in your meditation to really “Be Self-Centered” with this question, because if any of us sit still long enough, we can get pretty clear, pretty quick on the things that hold us it back.
It may not necessarily be a habit. It may be a character trait.
It may be a situation that we have put us in, put ourselves in.
For instance, I pride myself that I'm a college graduate. My granny insisted I go to college and said, they can't take your education.
They can take anything else, but they can't take your education.
I still don't know who they is. But I did agree that a college education is important, and I still believe that for my own kids, whether they end up doing anything with it or not, I think the exercise of going through the process is invaluable.
So, me being a “smarty pants college graduate”, English was my major always, because I just wanted to read and write.
I did not have any intention of teaching, in case you're wondering, but I had a job right out of college, working for a magazine with some family members, through friends of family members.
They got me a great job. I was making great money for being a college graduate.
Unraveling Toxic Relationships
And I also was making the choice to get into a relationship with a toxic abuser, and really lost everything. I can't really say I lost everything, right? You lose everything to gain the world.
So before I go further, we can never
regret our circumstances because of course, we know that they are making us who we are today. But even still, when we identify what's holding us back in any given situation, it's what helps us to transition, propels us to our next level of greatness.
So here I am realizing, oh my God, I met my husband in a bar intoxicated, and I thought it would be a good idea to fulfill my daddy issues by marrying someone that I knew for less than two months, and come to find out that wasn't the best idea.
But I had already made that decision. So here I was stuck in it, because, God forbid, I admit that this smart college graduate had made such a grave error when it comes to my relationship.
So I didn't tell anybody that I was being drugged down in the hall by my hair.
I didn't tell anybody that somebody was pouring things all over my naked body because I couldn't bear to face the “I told you so”.
So I went deeper and had a baby with this person.
Here is the saving grace… This situation is where I stumbled on the idea for home birth.
And I thought, right away, I don't know why, but yes, I'm gonna have my baby at home.
It's what resonated with me. It might not resonate with you, but it resonated with me.
And I said, yes, I'm definitely doing this. And I did.
And guess what? The redeeming story of all of this is that, that midwife who delivered my first baby, ended up training me.
She delivered three of my six children and ended up training me.
So of course, we know, and we believe, and we have to cling to the fact that when we are in the clouds, there is that silver lining.
There's always a reason for us to be there. That doesn't mean that at some point we have to identify with the responsibility for how we ended up in a situation and what is holding us back.
And thank God, I had a friend whose mother I was able to confide in to say, this is not what I want for my child.
It might have been okay for me, but I can't imagine, at five years old, my child watching this kind of abuse, this kind of destruction.
And the friend's mother said, and also, by the way, if something happens in this home with this child and this child gets hurt, they're not gonna care whose fault it is, they're gonna take your baby.
And that was what I needed. And that put me into action.
And while he was at work, I moved everything out of my apartment.
And I had made a plan that people were gonna come help me move.
I had a place to stay with the baby. I also had a restraining order in place.
I did everything on paper that I needed to do to protect myself and my child and to move forward in a legal way. Not in a hateful way, but in a way that set the boundaries that needed to happen in order to move forward, in order to elevate my life.
And in so doing, by the way, it helped my ex. Because he was put, pressed up against the wall, so much with doing all the things the right way, that he couldn't put his hands on another woman or he'd go to jail.
And I really think that has changed him, too. So sometimes you have to do hard things, but just know that as much as it hurts in the short term,
what you could be doing for yourself, for your success, for another person’s success in the long term, just by doing the right thing, you can't even fathom.
But first, we need to identify what's holding us back.
And what was holding me back was humiliation.
Fear of whether or not I could even support myself as a single mother.
Fear of the repercussions if I left.
But what scared me most is what my life would be like if I stayed.
And I don't want fear to be the thing that comes into your heart, but I do want you to have a real, honest conversation with yourself today and ask yourself, what is holding you back?
Maybe you're drinking too much, maybe you're in an abusive relationship, maybe you're in a job that you can't stand, that sucks the life out of you every single day, that keeps you from spending the quality time with your children and your family and your friends.
But it's such a good job, and people look up to you because of the status of it.
Maybe it's an anger issue.
Maybe it's an anxiety issue. Maybe it's a control issue.
I'm not here to tell you what is holding you back.
I'm here to inspire you to sit still long enough to discover that for yourself.
And I think if we go back to that teaching tool last week of look, listen, learn, reflect, renew and resist, we can do some work with that.
And I'm just gonna go ahead and throw the challenge out there for this coming newsletter, cause this week we're talking all about meditation.
So I might as well give the challenge right now, which is gonna be to, at least, find two times this coming week, 10 min.
Each time, to just be in silence. And while, while you are in silence, ask that question, what is holding me back?
From what? From whatever you know, the answers to these questions, what is it that you want to do?
What is it that you think your life should be like?
And what is holding you back?
Don't answer it right away. Just ask the question and sit still for 10 min, two times this week.
And then when you find the answer, write it down. When you write it down, look something up on it, find something to educate yourself about it.
The more we know about anything, the more what we are able to transform our behaviors.
Last, please don't be afraid to look at this and to admit it, because on the other side of that is so much growth, is so much peace once you start to really make friends with yourself.
And that is part of it. Showing up to say self, I'm gonna tell you the honest truth.
Your procrastination is keeping you from where you want to be.
Your inability to keep your word is keeping you from where you want to be.
Your propensity to play the victim is keeping you from the relationship that you want to have.
And we don't have time to go into it. But once again, I hope that you will rest assured that I know, because I know. This is more than just impostor syndrome, and we're gonna talk about impostor syndrome on another episode.
But this is really where the “Self-Centered” woman begins understanding that we are responsible for our reality.
Root Cause: What Happens When WE are The Root?
And when something is just out of our reach continually for months and years, but it continues to stay in your brain as something that you would like to attain or a relationship that you would like to strengthen.
Then the first thing that we have to do is look at ourself and ask the question, what is holding me back?
In that instance, it was an abusive relationship.
I took the time to humbly understand and admit that to myself, to my friends, to my family.
And guess what happened? The whole world showed up to help.
I had a place to live, I had a job, I had a babysitter.
I was able to provide for myself.
And that my friends is what happens when you decide to jump.
As my friend and mentor, Augustine Colbrook always says, when you jump, the net appears.
And I wholeheartedly believe it.
But I believe that first, we have to identify what we're working with within ourselves.
You will never regret doing this work.
Well, you might regret it while you're doing the work, because it sucks to admit that we could be the root of all of our problems.
But in fact, 99 % of the time, that's what's true. It's true for me.
It's true for you.
And so as you go through this week, I wish you the best, and hope that you will take the challenge, sit still and please send me an email.
What did you identify?
What is holding you back? And let's jump off from there so we can make a great life together.