110. Stop Avoiding No: How to Get Comfortable Being Rejected

Rejection. It’s a word most of us say we’re “fine with” - until it actually happens. 

• A job application that goes nowhere. 
• A proposal that gets knocked back. 
• A meeting where your idea lands politely… then disappears. 

Suddenly, you’re questioning everything - your capability, your choices, even your latest haircut.

In this episode of The Shake Up Podcast, I unpack why rejection hits deeper than the moment itself, why we avoid it, and how we can build a healthier, more productive relationship with it - especially at work.

In this episode I cover:

• Why rejection isn’t a verdict on your worth — it’s data
 • How fear of rejection keeps you playing small and holding back
 • Three ways to get comfortable leaning into rejection, so it fuels growth, not paralysis

If you want bigger opportunities, better conversations, and more momentum in your career, your relationship with rejection has to improve. 

The people doing the most interesting work aren’t the ones avoiding “no” - they’re the ones showing up, taking the knocks, and keeping going.

🎧 If this episode resonates, please share it!
 📲 Tag me @candiceharvey__ and tell me - what’s one “no” that taught you more than any “yes”?

 Go lean into rejection.
 Go take the risk.
 Go shake things up. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

I actually said to myself, don't sing the song. Candace, don't. Couldn't help it. Currently dancing. Can't help that either. It's just a tune, isn't it? Wish you could see me. Actually, you don't need to. Just picture me sitting in my office dancing. That's it. That's all you have to imagine. Welcome to the Shake Up Podcast. I get a little bit sad when the song's over, to be honest. I mean, I could hit the button again, but we don't need to be silly. No, we don't. My name is Candace Harvey. I am your host, your lucky bugger. I'm a high performance mentor and I'm a shaker upper. I'm also a former corporate HR professional turned people shaker. And since 2018, I've been running my own high performance business, helping humans actually thrive at work. Because I know and you know, working nine to five life isn't always glamorous. It's back-to-back meetings, it should have been emails, it's managing personalities that test your patience and trying to stay productive after 3 p.m. All that being said, I do not, and I repeat, I do not believe quitting your job is the only answer. But I do believe showing up differently is, especially in 2026. So if you're ready for a nudge, a reset, or a loving kick up the you know what, the weekly shake up podcast is especially for you. I am so excited to be here today. I'm just, I'm really in the mood to be behind the mic. And I have to be honest, sometimes I'm not. No, sometimes I am not. We all have those things in life, those jobs, those tasks, those items on our to-do list that sometimes we just can't be asked to do. I don't know why I went American just then, but we just we can't be asked. But today, I can be asked. I'm really, really looking forward to it, which is which is good because later this week I'm actually sitting down to record the audio for the shakeup book. I know. How exciting. It actually wasn't going to be done this early. I just had so many people, like, who apparently in the world just don't like to open up a book and read words. They like to be read to them. Isn't that cute? Oh, it's it's actually really cute when you put it like that, isn't it? But I just kept going, like, just buy the book. Like, I buy the book. It is honestly, I don't think I have ever listened to a book. Oh, actually, I did. Demi Moore, I think I listened to her book. I can't even tell you, but I think I did listen to her book from start to finish. There was obviously no podcasts around at the time. Don't know why. Other than that, I think I've always thought it was a really great idea. I love podcasts, clearly. I have one, but for some reason, listening to a book is not my jam. But I understand that for some people it is. So uh I'm doing it and I'm really excited. The whole process is a little bit different though. And I I did a bit of a practice run to the sound engineer, fancy fancy, and had to do a bit of a sample. And I sent it off to him, and he did his magic, and he sent it back, and it sounded so good. Like, I think the podcast, what you're listening to right now in earholes, sounds great. But the quality, whatever he did, these little magic behind the scenes, I listened to it and I was like, oh my gosh, that's what the whole book is gonna be like, where I go, chapter one, energy. Like I lit, I'm gonna be doing that. So fun. And actually a lot harder than I thought it would be. Because here I sort of just riff on the Shake Up podcast, right? Like I go off on tangents and it's all really, really fun. I think I'm gonna do that with the book though. So I have been told by my publisher that if you want to add more to bits and pieces, like if you want to give more guts to a particular story or give a little bit more info, you can. And you should have seen my mouth when I was told that. It was like wide open, going, what? I can say more. So I think I'm gonna do that, which is really kind of cool for people who have already bought the book. It's like if you get the audio book, audible audio version. I might want to get my head around that before I start promoting it. Uh, that you'll actually get a bit more information and you'll get to hear this for 24 chapters. Oh, I couldn't think of anything better. Couldn't think of anything better. Anyway, so it's a good thing that I'm enjoying being behind the mic because I'm gonna be recording my entire book later. And it won't be out for a couple of months because I was saying to a friend earlier today that it's actually a lot more complicated to get your book on Amazon in audiophile than a normal book on Amazon. I know, don't ask me how, I haven't gone through the process just yet, but it will take about two months. What? I know, so it's gonna take a little while. So don't worry, hold on to your knickers. I will let you know. How good's the word knickers? I will let you know when it comes out because it's gonna be really, really exciting. But today, we are talking about the R-word, rejection. Rejection is one of those things that I think almost everyone says that they're actually fine with, right? Like, oh, how do you feel about rejection? Yeah, I'm fine, fine. Yeah, not a problem, not a problem. Until it actually happens. You know, like a job application that goes nowhere, or a proposal that gets knocked back, or a meeting where your idea lands with a polite nod and then it just like dies quietly five minutes later, and everyone just moves on to another topic as if you hadn't said anything. You know, it's like that kind of but no Homer, Homer Simpson, where he just goes into the bushes. One more fun fact, I have never watched an episode of The Simpsons. Never. Growing up, we were not allowed to watch The Simpsons. I don't know why. Mum and Dad were strict-ish, but for some reason they put Simpsons in the bucket of no-go zone. I don't even think they have personally watched an episode of The Simpsons, but we were just never allowed to watch it. So we uh we just didn't. But anyway, so I know nothing about that, but all I know is that there's there's that gif and jiffy, whatever it's called, where he steps back, Homer steps back into the bush. Anyway, I've completely lost track of what I was talking about. Can you hear the hyperness? Lucky I'm not doing my book right now. I'd be going off on all sorts of tangents. Not the point. Um, but yeah, but you know, the everyone says that they can actually be okay with rejection until they're rejected. And suddenly you just start questioning everything from your capability to, I don't know, your haircut, you know, questioning everything. But the truth is, rejection hits something a lot deeper than just the moment itself. It kind of pokes and prods at your need to belong, to be respected, to feel like you're good enough. So our brains are wired to interpret rejection as a bit of a threat, which is why something as small as an unanswered email can spiral into a full-blown internal drama about what we did wrong. Why don't they like me? Why don't I matter? Why aren't I smart enough? It's not logical, but it's incredibly human. And the problem is, though, that when we become scared of rejection, we actually start like editing ourselves before the world even gets a say, right? So we stop sharing ideas in meetings. We hold back from asking for opportunities. We don't put our hand up, we don't apply for the role, we don't pitch the project or say the thing that we actually need to say, not because we're incapable, but because we're trying to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of hearing no. No. We don't want to hear it. So we would rather shut up than hear that little cute tiny word. So last month I was actually invited to speak about the shakeup book for the team at Serena Russo Group. I was absolutely stoked. So Serena Russo is iconic, especially in Brisbane, and especially for people who grew up in the 90s. The Serena Russo group, for those who don't know, by the way, I actually thought it was Serena Russo, and then I heard her say her name, and she says Serena Russo. So I'm still struggling because for a million and one years, I've said Serena Russo, and it's Serena Russo. Yep. But for those of you who don't know, um, Serena Russo, the organization, is one of Australia's largest privately owned providers of employment, education, and training services. It actually started in 1979 by Serena herself. And the organization started as a small typing school in Brisbane and has grown into this national business that helps people gain skills, find jobs, start businesses. It's incredible. So when I was actually invited to attend their weekly staff meeting, I was pretty excited, slash, nervous. So I was also told that I would be able to speak for five minutes, max seven minutes. Candace Harvey, you are allowed to speak for five minutes, max seven minutes. I found this hilarious considering that my shortest keynote is 40 minutes and my longest workshop is eight hours. So to be told five minutes, max seven minutes did something to my brain. Honestly, it did something to my brain. Because like FYI, speaking shorter is harder. It is so much harder. I know the other day I was speaking to my beautiful friend Claire. I was talking to her about the keynote I was doing in Gladstone for International Women's Day. She asked me how long I was speaking for. I said 40 minutes. And she was like, Are you joking? I was like, what? She's like, you're gonna speak for 40 minutes. I was like, I know, it's not very long. She's like, I don't think I speak for 40 minutes all week. Bless her little introverted cotton socks, right? Except when she meets up with me and I ask her 40,000 questions. I love you, Claire. She was blown away. Like she even went home, she said to her partner, Candace is gonna be speaking for 40 minutes. And he's a chatterer like me, and he was like, oh my gosh, you don't even do that in a week. She's like, I know. That's what I said. But for me, I find it really difficult. Like, give me a full day, I'm in heaven. Tell me I'm restricted to five minutes max seven, and I struggle. But anyway, I attended Serena's meeting, not prepared at all. Like my husband even said to me that morning, you all prepared, babe? You prepared for your meeting? And I was like, prepared for five or seven minutes? No. Like I'm just, I was planning on absolutely winging it. So I walked in, having no idea what Serena wanted me to talk about. Long story short, she just kept asking me questions. And I think it was more like 15 or 20 minutes that I ended up having airtime for, which was really, really exciting. And by the end of it, I was honestly sweating profusely. And also, I just had such a great time. But she asked me, she asked me a bucket load of questions, but one of the questions that she asked me, I'd actually never been asked before, and that was, what's your stance on rejection? I'd never been asked that before. Like it's not a chapter in my book, like I don't really know where it came from, to be honest. I think it's just a topic that she loves, which I now understand that absolutely she should love it. But I hadn't been asked that before. And I I am gonna share my response with you because I think that you're gonna love it. She absolutely loved it. I'm gonna share a little bit later on the episode. Oh my god, the suspense, Candace, the suspense. Um, but I it definitely triggered the I love this question so much. And I wrote a note straight away in my phone, which is what I do when I get excited about things. Like you'll you'll see that I even do it at dancing. If I love something that the dance teacher says, I literally get out my phone when we're having a water break and I will write it down. Like I just I can't help it. Um but I wrote myself a note saying next podcast episode rejection. So here I am, because it definitely sparked something. And I really do believe that Serena Russo is probably the queen of rejection. You know, having built her empire, what, the last 45 years, um, and if you haven't picked up on it yet, I think Serena is incredible, like serious girl crush after meeting her last month. And if you have ever met her or follow her on social media, do yourself a favor and do it because you will quickly pick up that she's different. She's ballsy, she's super quirky. However, she also has a huge heart. Like that same day that I was in her staff meeting, she actually shared a story with the team about a high-profile politician that she knew who was having a really tough week in parliament. And Serena got out her phone and she said, you know, I'm actually gonna share with you the text messages that I sent her. So we're all sort of watching her grab her phone, go through her messages, find the message that she was looking for. She pulls it up, she's like, here it is. So I sent her a message on Monday, and she's literally looking at her phone, reading it out. And she's like, and this is what I said. Now, I'm gonna try and remember this. It's not gonna be word for word, just you know, just my memory is good, but it's not 100% accurate of what Serena's text messages were a few weeks ago, right? Like, I'm good, I'm just not that good. But it was something like this. So she's like, so you know, I sent her a message and it said, Hi, XYZ, I know you're having a tough week. I'm thinking of you. If you want to grab a coffee, please let me know the time and I will be there. And she's like, she didn't reply. So the next day, I sent her another message, Serena said. So she's like, Hi, XYZ, thinking of you. I think you're awesome. If you want to catch up, I'm here for you. Uh, no reply again, she said. So on Wednesday, I sent her another message because I don't give up. And I could honestly feel the room cringing at this stage. We're all like, oh my God. Like she's not replying, and she keeps sending her a message, and she's about to read out the third message that hasn't been getting a reply. Like, majority of the people, even listening to this right now, would have left it, right? Like you would have just left it. You would have just waited, you would have just thought maybe she is having a hard time, maybe she doesn't want to talk to anyone right now, but you would have left it. But no, third message. The the third day in a row. Hello, XYZ. I hope you're doing okay. I know today's a big day for you. Just know I'm here and I'm looking forward to catching up. And then she replied, Serena said. And she actually replied saying, Oh, um, you know, I think, I think I just remember like the energy of myself. I was like, oh, thanks shit. Like she actually replied because I was right. And then the next day, I replied, like, I thought this was just gonna keep going. And it probably actually would have, in all honesty. But she said that she actually replied, and her reply said, Thank you so much, Serena. You're a beautiful friend. Your messages this week have meant so much. Let's catch up soon. I would love that. I was blown away by this story. Like most people interpret what Serena did as like, I don't know, not reading the room. Like, can you just give her time to reply? She doesn't want to talk to you, she doesn't like you, leave her alone. Nope, not Serena. Because her intention was pure. She wasn't actually feeling rejected at all. She just knew her friend had a lot going on and Serena wasn't going to give up on her. I I can't tell you how much I love this story. And it honestly changed the way I think about rejection. Like how I think about intention, how I think about not giving up, how I think about how I would have been if I knew that my friend was going through a tough time. Would I continued to reach out? I don't, I honestly don't know the answer. I haven't really been in that sort of situation where I've just continued to do it. Or maybe I have been in that situation, and because of all the other stories that came up, I just I left it and telling myself, she'll get back to me when she's ready. She'll get back to me instead of how Serena was when she actually got the reply of her going, This has really helped me this week. Like this has been the best to hear from you every single day, even though she didn't reply. I just, I loved it. And I was sharing this story with my friend Monique Harding, epic human. Oh my God, I love Monique so much. And without using the word rejection in my story, when I was sharing it with Mon, she actually said, Wow, that lady has a great relationship with rejection. And I was like, oh, you are so right. Like, doesn't she? And also, why doesn't everyone? Because if we don't have a great relationship with rejection, like if we fear rejection, if we avoid rejection, like what are we doing? So we're not messaging people more than once. We're not doing a lot of things, right? Because of fear of being rejected. And here's why or where it actually really matters in the workplace. Because teams that are actually terrified of rejection become teams that play small. Like they stick with safe ideas, they avoid hard conversations, they wait for permission instead of stepping forward. So that would actually mean that, you know, innovation dies, honesty just disappears, and everyone quietly just stays in their lane. Not because it's the best thing for the business, but because it feels safer. So part of performing better at work, as we know, I'm a performance coach. I want people to be performing better than they're currently performing, both in and out of the workplace. It's all about improving your relationship with rejection. Not eliminating it, because that's actually impossible, but becoming someone who can handle it, learn from it, and keep moving anyway. Because the people who actually progress the fastest aren't the ones who avoid rejection. Like they're they're not, right? They're actually the ones who, I don't know, collect it, who survive it, and who keep showing up anyway. It's almost like when I think about Serena's story as well, it's like putting your ego to the side. Like everything is not about you, love. You know, and I think that's what we're sort of doing. You immediately listen to Serena telling this story and you're like, oh my God, she doesn't want to talk to you. Where it wasn't that at all. And I think that deep down Serena knew that. Like her ego was not a part of this. Her whole intention for messaging day after day after day after day until she got a response. And I truly believe she would have done that. Like I don't think she would have got to, oh, well, that's five days. That's enough now. I don't think she'd do that. Her intention was this is my friend. I want to check on my friend. I want to make sure that every day my friend knows that I'm thinking of her. I want to make sure that my friend knows that I'm serious about catching up for a coffee with her. I'm gonna keep putting my hand out. And once she grabs it, brilliant. Unless she tells me to go away. Like, truly. That's kind of what I felt. By not hearing from her, Serena was like, she's busy. She didn't take it personally. She didn't take it as a rejection. She just took it as, I'm gonna keep showing up anyway. And I think once you start seeing rejection differently, something interesting really starts to happen. It stops being like a verdict on your worth and it starts just becoming data. So I nearly got into it just then and I don't want to. I want to actually jump into it properly because it is all, and what I mean by properly, I was like getting ahead of myself and I was telling you stuff that I haven't actually shared yet with you, but I'm about to. Um, because it's all well and good, I think, just saying that we have to be more like Serena Russo, right? And get better at rejection. But like how, Candace Harvey, how do we get better at feeling okay with rejection when it is very human and it is, and you're right, and I'm gonna help you today. However, when we do actually lean into rejection more, we are gonna be able to live a much better life. Like, not a life that's actually about avoiding the potential of maybe possibly being direct um being rejected, but actually living a life that feels so much bigger. Like if you think about just for two seconds, think about if rejection wasn't a part of your life, what would change? Like if you think about you weren't actually worried about someone saying no, if you weren't worried about someone saying you're dreaming, if you weren't worried about someone saying, Can you leave me alone and stop texting me? Like, what would you actually do? Like I think about it in my business as well. And I learned this last week when I was at an incredible workshop with Annalise McCarthy, and she actually said it was like the right at the end of the day, which was really, really cool. And she was like wrapping things up. And she's the most audacious person I think I've ever met. Like whatever she wants, she just goes for it. And she actually said, like, don't be afraid to be annoying. Like, really, as well, she has a brilliant relationship with rejection. If she is not worried about annoying, being annoying, she's not worried about what people will think, you will just, you'll do it. You'll just go for it, right? Because the alternative, like I was just saying, that fear of possibly maybe being rejected, what are we doing? Like, how sort of a small life are we actually living by the whole possibly maybe might not even happen? Ridiculous, right? So here I'm gonna share with you the three ways that you can improve your relationship with rejection and live a bigger life as a result. I mean, if you wish, if you want to, right? So either you might want to write these three three things down or you might just want to let them go in one ear and out the other. Like you do you, boo, you do you. But I am gonna share this with you because I am very inspired by this topic. I want everyone, including myself, and I'm I'm pretty good with rejection. I'm gonna talk about a little bit and including my answer to Serena when she asked me. Um, but I think that the world would honestly change in the most exciting freaking way if we all had a better relationship with rejection. So here we go. Three ways that you can improve your relationship with rejection. Number one, stop making rejection means something about your worth. That's it. That's number one. Stop making rejection means something about your worth. Most people hear no and immediately just very cutely translate it into I'm not good enough. Like that's it. Like what? No, it was just no. Doesn't actually mean that you're not good enough. Rejection usually says more about timing, priorities, budget, or someone else's preferences than it actually does about you, sunshine. And the mistake that people make is turning one moment of feedback into a full identity crisis, which I get, right? Like I have totally been there as well, but what stop, right? Someone's no does not have anything to do with your worth. Like last month I was actually contacted to do a keynote, and I was told by the organizer that the client was looking at me and another guy. And I didn't know anything about the other guy. I just knew it was like a bit of a competition, right? Like Candace Harvey or the guy. And after I was actually put forward, it kind of just becomes a waiting game, which I hate, to be honest. I am good at a lot of things, ladies and gents. A lot. Waiting, though, and putting on my patient pants. It is not my forte. It is absolutely not, right? I'm working on it every single bloody day, but it is definitely not my thing. Because I was excited. This gig was like really, really cool, right? So I was like waiting, waiting. And then I got the email. Hi, Candace. Unfortunately, the client decided to go with a big wave surfer.

unknown 21:52

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

I can't tell you how many times I read the line. Hi, Candace. Unfortunately, the client decided to go with a big wave surfer. Far. I was like, cool. Well, I can't surf. Definitely not on big waves. So if that was the criteria, the guy wins. I was gutted though. I really was gutted. And I did feel rejected, of course. Like I'm human. I wasn't picked, right? However, number one of improving my relationship with rejection is to stop making rejection mean something about my worth. Like it doesn't actually mean that I'm a crap keynote speaker. I'm not. And if you know, you know. But it is easy in these types of situations, like when you're not picked, to let yourself spiral. Don't, though. Like I said before, you know, rejection usually says more about timing, priorities, budget, or someone else's preferences than it does about me. And I hope that his surf story shakes the team up and gets them behaving differently at work on Monday morning as a result. God, I'm a cheeky shit, aren't I? But I hope the uh, what was he again? Big wave. Big wave surfer. Yeah. Hope he was awesome. I mean, I'm fine about it. I've totally got over it. But it, if you want to be better at rejection, we have to separate the outcome from your self-worth. Like a no isn't a verdict on you as a human. It's just information about that particular situation. You know, whether it was the room, whether it was where they were headed, whether it's, I don't know, maybe they just liked that guy more. Like I'm totally okay with that as well, right? But it's gonna be something where you're not always going to be a yes all the time. So, number two on how to improve your relationship with rejection is to increase your rejection reps. Yeah. Increase your rejection reps. The fastest way to get comfortable with rejection is actually exposure. Like if you only ask for things once every few months, every no feels massive. But when you start asking more, like pitching ideas, putting your hand up, requesting opportunities, rejection becomes part of like the normal rhythm of doing interesting things. So, um, how do I say his name? Come on, pronounce it well. I think that's how you say his name. He is an author, an American entrepreneur, and he also has a TEDx talk called What I Learned from A Hundred Days of Rejection. And he talks about the things where he deliberately put himself in situations where people might reject him so he could like desensitize himself to rejection and actually build confidence. And I freaking loved it. Like literally a hundred days of rejection is what this man decided to put him through. And one of the challenges was he actually knocked on strangers' doors and asked if he could plant a flower in their yard. Like, literally. I can't remember how many strangers' doors he actually knocked on, but it was a bucket load and he did it purposely. Like, can you literally imagine? Like, hi, how are you? Yeah, good, yeah, good. Just wondering, would you mind if I um plant a flower in your yard? Would that be okay? Like the goal actually had nothing to do with gardening, but it was actually practicing hearing no. Like most people, as you can imagine, when they opened the door and they heard that he wanted to plant a flower in their yard, they were confused or they said no, right? Like most people, confused or they said no. But one woman said yes and let him plant roses in her yard. I just I can picture this and I love this story so much. Like I want to meet the lady who was like, hello. Oh my god, yes, I would love that. Like, yeah, I have always wanted to do that, or just even why not go for it? Can you imagine this lady? I just think it's so cute. But then also picture, I've got to say his name right. Ja. Ja. Yeah, it's like the letters aren't like what it actually is. Anyway, I just picture him just going, oh shit, I got a yes. Crap now have to go and get like some flowers, and I've got to do the planting. The I don't even know how to plant a flower, you know. Can you imagine? So good. But I just, I just love it. I love the whole thing of people just going, no, you whack job. You are not going to do that in my yard. But I think that this whole story, as much as I just I love so much, I could honestly go on and on about this story because I just think it's so incredible. But the moment actually showed him that fear of rejection is usually worse than the rejection itself, right? Like you're anticipating the rejection. Like, especially asking, and especially after he's probably had a gabillion no's already, you sort of walk up to the next house and you're like, they're gonna say no. For sure they are. And that's the worst part. When you actually get the no, it's kind of like this relief, right? It's like, oh, yeah, okay, cool. Which actually means that we reject ourselves far more often than people actually reject us because we're anticipating the no. Like I even have a beautiful client that I'm working with at the moment, and she was, she went for a job interview that she didn't actually need to go for. She's really quite enjoying her job at the moment. Isn't that the best sort of situation that you're in? Like you're really loving it. And in all honesty, she was not loving it when we started working together. So it makes me very, very proud as her coach that she has turned this around and she is loving where she's at right now. But her dream job popped up and she was like, oh God, I'd be nuts not to apply for it. And so she actually went for the interview and we went through all the questions that she wanted to be able to ask. It was actually a really fun process. I think she gave me, she's gonna be listening to this episode for sure. I love you. I nearly said her name, but I didn't want to. Um, but you know, I said, I want you to think about some questions. And I think she sent me about 14. I might have got that number wrong. So many questions, way too many questions. I was like, pick one, babe. Like, what is the most important thing that you want to know from this? Anyway, she smashed the interview, she let me know afterwards, and she was like, Whoa, that was that was really tricky, but I don't think I'm actually gonna get it. And she started to really start to convince herself that she's probably not gonna get it. She started to tell herself straight away, out of the interview, like fresh out of the interview, an interview that she thinks she did really well in, that I'm gonna start preparing myself for rejection. We reject ourselves far more often than other people reject us. And I was saying to her, this is self-preservation. We literally start doing this for ourselves to protect ourselves, right? Because it's like if we start telling ourselves now we didn't really want it, it's not that important, it doesn't really mean that much to me, then we're kind of beating people to it, right? It's like this guy as well, going from door to door, he's like, they're gonna say no. So when they do say no, it's like, see, told ya, told ya, right? But we want to stop doing that. We want to actually think about how exciting if there is a yes, and also if it is a no, no big deal. Totally got this. I'm just practicing my reps, right? By asking unusual questions and risking rejections, Jar actually realized that people are often more open than we actually assume, which actually means three things. Fear is mostly imagined, so it's all in our head. Rejection is also survivable, but you're not gonna die. And action creates unexpected opportunities. Like that's what this whole thing explained. I'm just gonna say them again just in case. Fear is mostly imagined, meaning that fear is in our head, which I think most of us know. Rejection is also survivable. Even if you do get rejected, you won't die. You'll be okay. And then number three, action creates unexpected opportunities. By doing the thing, you never know. By my client going for this interview, which is a business that she has been interested in for so long, by doing, because she easily could have talked herself out of it, right? She could have actually said, I don't know why I'm doing that. I love my job. I don't need to go for this dream job anymore. I love it. Keeping her safe, keeping her in the familiar, keeping her in the known. But by doing this thing, it actually created unexpected opportunities. You know, preparing for an interview, which she hasn't really flexed that muscle very often, having the conversation with me, going in there, seeing what came up in terms of herself, you know, walking out of it and preparing yourself for rejection. We don't even know the verdict yet. She may have to get the job and then we've got to decide that. Like, how fun. But it's an unexpected opportunity. So we need to get better at the feeling of rejection, experiencing rejection. Think of it like going to the gym. Like the more reps you actually do, the less shocking the strain feels. Sort of. I mean, I'm still really rubbish on strength days, still really rubbish. But the more I do it, the more I'm like, oh, surprise, it's heavy, right? That was a terrible example. But I think you know what I'm what I'm what I'm saying. I think you're picking up what I'm putting down. But people who also progress in their careers aren't the ones who are avoiding rejection, right? Like I think some people can also look at it and think that the people who progress or the people who do well, oh my God, they're just so lucky, right? But nah nah nah. They are actually not the ones who are avoiding rejection because a lot of the time they're the ones putting their hand up, they're the ones having the conversation, they're the ones doing the do, right? They are the ones who just get used to rejection. And I talk to people all the time who don't apply for the promotion, they don't put their hand up in meetings and they get annoyed by it. They get annoyed that other people get the opportunities and they don't. Like, why don't I? Why am I always getting ignored? Why don't people consider me? Because you're not putting in the reps. That's it. And number two, on how to improve your relationship with rejection is to increase your rejection reps. Put yourself in situations where the answer might be a no. Like, no, you didn't get the job. No, you didn't get the promotion. No, we're not going with your idea. No, you can't plant that flower in my garden, you weirdo. Because it actually then leads to number three. God, that was a beautiful segue, Candace. Number three is treat rejection as data, not drama. Like if you want to improve your relationship with rejection, you need to treat rejection as data, not drama. I don't know why I said it like that. It actually just felt really nice. It's not rejection. I mean, it's not data. I mean, it's not shit. It's not drama, it's data. So most people react emotionally to rejection and just stop there. The better move, though, is to really lean in with curiosity. Like ask yourself, what can I learn from this? Was it the timing? Was it, you know, the way I asked? Was it the environment? Sometimes the answer will simply be not right now. But other times there's useful feedback that's hiding inside the no. And people don't dig into that because their ego is hurt or they feel a little bit bruised, right? Or they're sad, which I get it. Like I've been rejected before and been sad. Like I am human. It's, you know, you get excited about something, you want something really bad, and you're like, oh, they picked the surfer. Oh, damn it. Fucking surf, right? It happens. But when you start treating rejection as data rather than drama, it becomes something that just sharpens you rather than something that shuts you down. Right? Like you want it to be something where it's like, okay, cool. So they actually said no because maybe I don't have a big enough story. Maybe I'm just laughing because I'm like maybe I should start surfing. No, you've totally taken that the wrong way, Candace. Um, but it is an opportunity for you to go, okay, I wonder why they went with that guy. You know, and I hadn't really thought about it before, you know, thinking about the type of organization, thinking about what the business is going through at the moment. Like, why would they want to have a big wave surfer instead of me? Like it allows you to look at it from a data perspective, as opposed to, oh, that sucks. They just wanted to go with the guy. And what, you know, they love those stories where it's about big waves and oh my God, he nearly died, and then he went up the next day and he got another board and it broke and he nearly got killed by a shark. I have no idea who this guy is or what the story is. But that's called drama, right? We don't want it to do that. We want it to be an opportunity that sharpens you and not something that just like shuts you down. And then it's like I'm never doing keynote speaking again because I always get picked by big wave surfers. Like it always, you know, those when it just happens once. I do that with clients all the time. Like always. Yeah, this one time. Also, just once it happened, not always. Like you don't want to be that person where it becomes super dramatic and you start putting up all these walls around you because bloody big wave surfers, right? So, my answer to Serena's rejection question, where she actually said to me, What's your stance on rejection? was this it makes a great story. That's what I said. Like, who wants to live their life where everything is a yes and nothing is a challenge and it's never bumpy, it's always smooth. It's a boring story. And I literally was saying this to her whole staff. I was like, it's boring. You know, my relationship with rejection is literally, it's a great story. The fact that I lost a gig to a guy who was a big wave surfer, great story. The fact that I put a huge proposal together last year for a company and I told a bucket load of people about it, and I was really excited. And then they came back to me a couple of days later and said we've actually decided to go with someone internally, gutted, great story. It wasn't at the time. Like I'm seriously, I can't repeat this enough. I am human. I get upset about things, but it I truly believe that no's not only make you stronger as a person. Like, I seriously look at that proposal. It's kind of bringing up um PTSD for me right now because it was big. It was a big proposal. I was really excited about it. I remember speaking to my accountant about it, going, this is gonna be such a cool opportunity. It's really funny though, thinking that it was this big opportunity, and now I think about things that have come after that, and it was a tiny little baby opportunity compared to what's happened now. I love that I haven't actually thought about that before until right now. Thanks the Shake Up Podcast, giving me this platform. Love you. Um, but I remember like I was so excited about it, and I thought it was an absolute, what do you call it? Not a give-in, an absolute no-brainer. I don't know. I thought it was in the bag, right? I thought it was in the bag. And then when it was like, we're gonna go with someone internally after you've done all that work to put a proposal together, which deep down I thought, you're gonna take my proposal, you're gonna give it to someone internal, and they're gonna roll it out. Shit. It's literally what happened. Uh I'm I mean, I don't know if that's what happened. That's what happened in my head, right? Um, but yeah, you you get really just devastated about it. But I truly think that, you know, if you receive yes all the time, like it's just not, it's not teaching you anything as well. And you also can't be everyone's favorite either. This one took me a little bit to get my head around, but now I truly believe it, right? Like I'm not biscoff. I think I wrote about that in my book. I'm not biscoff, so not everyone's gonna love me. I love biscoff so much. But I have had people give me negative feedback on my workshop feedback forms. Like it happens every now and again, right? One person actually wrote, Candace Isn't funny, which which I found super funny. Like, can you imagine? Like, I think it was after the question of um, I always ask everybody, you know, if someone, if a friend of yours asked, how was the Candace Harvey workshop that you attended, what would you say? And all they wrote is Candace Isn't funny. I was like, oh, I mean, that that took balls just to write that, you know, like to literally put pen to paper and to shut me down like that, Candace Isn't funny. I was like, you you hit a nerve, babe. I mean, it actually made me laugh. It didn't really hit a nerve. Um, but I found it, I found it super funny. But I've also had someone walk out of my workshop like earlier this month, it's never happened before, but it happened. And it's just sort of saying to me or repeating to me or giving me the feedback that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. And that's good. Like, imagine if I was. Imagine if everyone out there loved Candace Harvey. Oh, it'd be a bloody nightmare, wouldn't it? It'd be an absolute nightmare. And I remind myself that. I'm not even joking. You cannot be everyone's cup of tea. It would be absolutely hectic. So honestly, and I mean it, I actually love being rejected. It teaches me something about myself, it forces me to dig deep, and then it gives me the content for the podcast. Thank you so much. Like it's actually a great story, and I'm not even joking. It gives me content, it makes me reflect on that was a moment. So, as a quick recap for the three ways that you can improve your relationship with rejection and live a bigger life as a result. I hope you've loved this episode. I've really enjoyed recording it for you. But the three ways is number one, stop making rejection mean something about your worth. Like, stop doing that. Number two, increase your rejection reps. Get rejected more. Put yourself in opportunities where there's gonna be a no. Love that for you. And number three, treat rejection as data, not drama. Like stop being dramatic. It's just, it's an opportunity for you to dig into what actually went on. If you want bigger opportunities, better conversations, and more momentum in your career, your relationship with rejection has to improve because the people doing the most interesting work aren't the ones who avoid hearing no. They're the ones who are willing to hear it more often, right? The people who are actually achieving great things. It's not just landing on their lap. They are asking for it. They are putting up their hand, they're putting themselves into uncomfortable situations, they are putting together massive proposals and telling everyone about it. They are getting in the ring. And every now and again, more so than a lot of the other alternatives, but they're hearing no. They're hearing no, right? We've got to hear no. We've got to be rejected. If not, we're living this safe, ordinary life, and that is not what I want for you. I hope you enjoyed this episode today. This is a really important topic. If you loved it, please share the episode with your friends, family, because I'm sure it could help anyone. Until next time, go have fun and shake things up. I don't know why I said a quiet at the end. I think the fact that the music was going freaked me out. Have a great day.