121. How To Stop Feeling Behind In Life - What Buying My First Home at 40 Taught Me

This week Candice gets personal about buying her first home at 40 - and the 5 things it taught her about ditching the invisible checklist and finally stop feeling behind in life.

FYI: you're also not behind. You're just on your own timeline.

And this episode will remind you why that's actually a freaking great thing.

In this episode Candice talks about:

• The quiet pandemic nobody is talking about (and it's not burnout)
• Why the timelines we judge ourselves against were never ours to begin with
• The thing a lot of us do to protect ourselves from disappointment - and why it's costing us
• Why pausing and resetting is actually one of the smartest things you can do
• The celebration step that high achievers almost always skip

Grab a decaf flat white on oat. This one's a good one☕

🎧 If this episode made you think, laugh, or question something - send it to someone who needs a little permission to do life differently. 

📲 Screenshot, tag me @candiceharvey__, and let me know what hit home.

Oh and check out my FUN website for all my services: www.candiceharvey.com 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Welcome to the Shaker Podcast. I'm Candace Harvey. I'm a speaker. I'm an author. I'm a workshop facilitator. People also say that I'm a people shakerer, which I am absolutely fine with. I mean more than fine. It's become my brand. Yes, it has. I spent 15 years in HR. I don't know if you know that or not, but I did. And in 2018, I started my own business with a simple switch. I stopped helping companies manage their people, and I started helping people manage themselves because I absolutely get it. Working life in 2026 is a lot. It is meetings that rob you of 45 minutes that you're never getting back. It's an inbox that's relentless. It's personalities that have you deep breathing and that 3 p.m. crash that hits like clockwork. And no, I don't think quitting your job is the answer. However, I do know that shaking things up every now and again is. So if you're ready for a nudge, a reset, or a loving kick up the bum, you're in the right place. And so there is a quiet pandemic happening right now. And I want to be able to talk about it today on the episode. So this pandemic is not to do with COVID. No, it's not. It's not to do with burnout. It's not to do with anxiety. It's not to do with overwhelm. It's the feeling that somehow we are all falling behind in life. Like we should be more ahead, more progressed, more successful, more, I don't know, enter the blank, right? Like people in their 20s feel like they should have met the love of their life by now. People in their 30s feel like they should already have the career, the kids, the stability, the huge savings account. And by the time you're 40 or even 50, society just tells you that you should absolutely have it all figured out. You should have multiple properties, investments, financial freedom, confidence, certainty, all of it. And because so many of us haven't ticked those invisible boxes, we are walking around quietly believing that we're actually failing, which is awful, right? Like it's actually awful. We compare ourselves to our friends or to people that we follow online who just seem to be doing life right. You know, like the happy marriage, the beautiful home, the thriving businesses, the overseas holidays, the banging bods, the investment property, the renovations, the perfectly curated milestones. I can't think of anything else. But meanwhile, behind the scenes, we have absolutely no idea what their full story is. Like we don't know their debt. We don't know their sacrifices. We don't know their stress levels. We don't know their relationship struggles, their family support, their fears, their privilege, their heartbreak. But still, because we're bonkers, we measure our entire life against someone else's highlight reel. And the really scary part is that the timelines that we judge ourselves against were often never ours to begin with. Like somewhere along the way, society handed us this invisible checklist like be successful by 30, own property early, find your person quickly, uh, have children before it's too late, climb the ladder, build wealth, don't pause, don't change direction, don't fall behind. So we rush, we like put this pressure on ourselves and we minimize all the progress that we've actually had. We stop celebrating how far we've come because all we can actually see in our mind is how far we think we still should be. And maybe, just bloody maybe, the problem isn't that we're actually behind. Maybe the problem is that we've been measuring our own life against a timeline that was never actually designed for us. And this, my friend, is what has slapped me in the face this past month. Because on the 9th of May, my husband and I went to see a house at 9 a.m. Oh, that's cute. 9th of May, 9 a.m., 999. Now, for context, my husband and I wanted to buy a house as soon as we got married, which was in 2020. Yeah, we got married in the middle of COVID. That's another time, another story for another time. It was amazing. Our guest list was not what we thought our guest list would be. It was dramatically smaller. But anyway, 2020, we were living in Adelaide, and for in terms of a house, we had the deposit. We'd been saving for a wedding, a honeymoon, and a house deposit all at the same time. Like we were doing really well. And I don't think I realized how impressive that was at the time. Like I remember we would get, and it wasn't even like a stressful time. Like it was, we just had it all mapped out. We had different accounts, like we literally had our wedding account, we had our honeymoon account, and we also had our home deposit account. And every time we got paid, because both of us were in full-time jobs, I was working in HR and Jason was a manager like a of the state in what he did. Oh my god, could I have been more vague in that? So the thing is, just I don't know if anyone listening to this has a friend or a a partner where their job is just not that easy to describe. And so whenever people do ask me what my husband does, I actually go a little bit weird with it. And I think I make it up. Like if he was listening to me, he'd be like, babe, that is not what I do. Like I've told people that he works for a crane company before. I have told people that, and I know exactly what he does, by the way. So this is not me not knowing what he does. This is me not knowing how to explain it to people who I don't think is in that type of industry. So it's I go weird. So I say he works for a crane company. I say he um is a national manager of a Chinese company. Like I go really weird, and it's like, oh, that didn't tell me anything. Um, so I I tell people he's a mechanic by trade, but he hasn't been on the tools for a while. So he manages a bunch of mechanics. I say that. I say the weirdest stuff, depending. But if if someone in the industry actually said, What does your husband do? I would say he works for an aerial work platform company and he is the national service manager. That's what I would say. And look, you might be listening to that going, I think you should have just started with that. But then I just think then people might say, What's an aerial work platform? And then it's like, oh, it's kind of you know what a cherry picker is, you know, yeah, like a really big version of that. Anyway, where where am I going? I digress. When we were in Adelaide and he was working for an aerial work platform company and he was the manager of South Australia. How's that? Yeah, good. Um, he we were doing really well, you know, and I do look back at it in terms of how we were saving money and really focused on what we wanted. I'm really quite impressed. But we changed our plan. So we decided after we got married to move to the Sunshine Coast. So I think it was 2021 that we moved to the Sunshine Coast. So we moved our life, we packed up Adelaide, we moved to Queensland, we started renting in Malulabar until we worked out where we wanted to live and where we wanted to buy. And then we changed our plan again. I decided to leave HR, go all in on my business. Um, and I was working as a HR manager at the time. So we put a pause on the house, we kept renting. Then my husband got headhunted for a role in Brisbane. So we uprooted from the Sunshine Coast a few years later. We moved to Brisbane, we started to rent in Brisbane until we worked out where we wanted to live. We started looking at different areas in Brisbane, getting pissed off by the market, wishing we stayed in Adelaide, and then our plan changed again, though. So then when we were looking, my husband got a call and got offered a new job, still aerial work platform company, but now the national manager of a Chinese company. A really great job, and it is in the middle of the Sunshine Coast in Brisbane, is where the office is actually located. Not an ideal location. Um, but the past 12 months we've actually been looking at areas to buy that are closer to his work. My husband would look at real estate every single week. I would look maybe once a month. Um, I didn't enjoy the process or the price tag on a lot of the houses that we were looking at. We talked about it a lot. Um, and we saw a few houses, not loads, but we saw a few. We wanted a house, but we didn't just want any house, you know. We weren't like desperate to find something, but we knew that it was really something that we wanted, wanted to do. And I was getting really sick of it. You know, I was getting sick of talking about it, and I started to lose the will to live a little bit, thinking we would never find something that ticked our boxes, even though over the past 12 months our boxes to tick had dramatically reduced in size because it felt like they had to. Um, but the 9th of May, my husband and I, that we had three houses that we wanted to look at on this beautiful Saturday morning. It really was a beautiful Saturday morning. Like, you know, blue, not a cloud in the sky. Like real estate agents must have been like winning today, winning, right? And there were two houses that I knew that I really liked that I wanted to look at. And my husband didn't even show me the third. I think he knew that I wouldn't like the third. And oh my god, like, let me just jump to that part. It was the most revolting house. Like that sounds awful, but you walked in and it was actually a rental where just they said like guys were living there. I think they said like five guys were living there. The smell when you walked into that house was unbelievable. And before we walked in, the real estate agent actually, you know, was hyping it all up, bless him. And he said, you know, just so you know, it's under contract at the moment. Um, and I think the people that wanted the house came in after us and he made a comment saying, you'll notice how different the smell is. So basically, what that said to me is they have they'd improved the smell. So the smell that I got hit with when I walked in, I said to Jason, Well, I'm not, I'm not even being in here. Like, let's, this is a waste of time. Like, I can't even look around. I could not move into a house. But like they try, oh, stop it. Anyway, so there were two houses that we wanted to look at. I probably looked at them online for like a grand total of five seconds. I said, Yep, let's go see them, babe. Um, and yeah, we were getting ready on that day to leave. I said to my husband, we might buy our house today, babe. And he said, Yeah, we might. Not sure either of us believed it, but we were staying positive and pretending that we weren't both completely over it. But we got to the house, I honestly took one step in. I'm not kidding, one step. I turned around at my husband and I said, Oh my God, I love this house, babe, like a lot. And I saw the panic in my husband's eyes. Like he knows what I'm like. Like once I like something, I am just all in. Like I am such a gut-feeling decision maker. My husband is not at all. My husband is someone who has to think things through, research the absolute bejesus out of it. And I am a gut-feel person, 100%. So meanwhile, he was probably thinking, can you just take one other step into the actual freaking house before you get excited? Because I was one foot in. But it just felt so good. Like I could instantly see us living there. And I think we spent eight minutes looking around, like eight minutes, yeah. And I actually got angry, I think, at the seven-minute mark, thinking that we'd hit the wrong search criteria. And by we I mean my husband. And I felt like we couldn't afford this place. And I walked out completely in love. My husband loved it too. It wasn't just me. I was just very dramatic about the whole thing. I put an offer in as soon as we got into the car. It got rejected almost immediately, which was super rude. So we put another one in. We went above what we actually planned, but we spoke to our broker and he, you know, reassured us that we would absolutely be fine. Meanwhile, I didn't, I didn't care. I was like, let's just go a couple of million more. You know, when you love it that much. Yeah, I went mental. Um, and then 4 45, we got a call, even though the agent said he would call at four. So it was the most painful 45 minutes of our life. Like we would we were talking crap, we couldn't focus, we were just like, oh, it was just so stressful. Um, and then the phone rang and it was congratulations, it's yours. I cried. Hubby said, holy shit, about 19 times. And now this week we move into our beautiful new home, and it is absolutely a pinch me moment. Like it's so, so beautiful, like better than I could have ever imagined. I am so proud of us. I'm so excited. However, I honestly never thought I'd own a home. And not because I didn't want one badly enough, but because somewhere along the way, I actually convinced myself that it probably wasn't for people like us. Like I started to think we missed the boat. You know, friends who bought in 2013, um, 2013, yeah, that's smart, but like 2016, around that sort of time, they were the smart people. You know, meanwhile in 2016, I met my husband and we were just drinking too much wine and having a really great time. Oh, that rhymed. We were just drinking too much wine and we were having a great time, but I was not thinking about buying a house, neither was my husband, like absolutely not. And now in 2026, looking for a house that is double the price that all my friends paid and starting to feel like there's a massive dip in quality and aesthetic appeal as well. And I was just absolutely losing excitement. Like it just, it wasn't, wasn't fun. I told myself that maybe we needed to invest another way, maybe renting was okay for us. So when we finally did it and bought our home, weirdly, the biggest surprise wasn't actually the house. It was realizing how many timelines I'd quietly been judging myself against for the past five years. And as a fully grown human, we are doing this so much. Like it's not just me. Like people are doing this so much. Whether it's a house or a career or, you know, a partner or a baby or a second baby or a third or fourth baby, holy shit. But we are making it really hard for ourselves. We are putting this insane pressure on ourselves by creating this timeline. And it's not necessary. It's zapping the joy out of us, it's taking the fun out of life. And I remember when we were about to put our second offer into the house, like after the first got rejected, I was having a minor meltdown. Like I was talking really fast to my husband, like it was loud, you know, I was pacing, I was slightly aggressive coming out of me like, I really love this house, babe. Like it was, it was a lot for him. And I remember him saying, Hey, this is meant to be fun. And in that moment, like looking at him, I was like, Yeah, it's right. Why am I, why am I zapping the fun out of this entirely? And when he said that, it truly was the shakeup in that moment that I needed. And over the past few weeks, I have realized that there are certain things, there are five points actually, that have really helped me to see that where we are in life, regardless of age, is we need some help to stop feeling like we are behind in life. And I'm gonna go through them with you now. So, whatever that thing is for you, like I said, whether it's like the job, whether it's your financial situation, whether it is buying a house or your second home or a baby or whatever it is for you, that thing that you feel like you are falling behind in, there are actually five points to help you to stop that. I don't want you to feel like you're falling behind in life because this is actually what buying my first home at 40 has taught me recently. So, point number one is create your own timeline. This is one of the foundations for absolutely everything, right? Like this, this m helps with everything else. Society has a timeline for you. Great. You probably know it really well, and you probably know someone or know a few people who have stuck to that timeline and should have got an award for it. You know, like the friend who did it all in the order that you're supposed to do it, and they have we like we you've congratulated them every step of the way and thinking, oh crap, I'm a bit behind. Like, well done them, but I'm a bit behind. You know, they bought a house in their 20s, they were married, got married very quickly afterwards, which is really ideal, and their career is sorted, and they picked a really smart career. You know, those people, like I look at that sometimes with my like accountant friends or nursing friends, or you know, the the jobs, I guess, that are very easy to explain for a friend, unlike aerial work platforms national service manager for a Chinese company. You know what I mean? Like just those jobs that are like those secure ones, like society is going tick for that. And they feel you feel like the friend is also financially ahead, like they're just ticking the boxes in the right order at the right pace. So by the time that they hit a certain age, they can look around and go, Yep, I'm on track. But hold on to your underpants for a second as I say that, because on track for what? Like nobody actually sat you down and said, here is the official schedule for your life, get ticking. Yet most of us are running against a clock that we didn't set. We're like in this race that we never actually entered, like we're all bonkers. And here is what I know from years of working with people and teams is that so many secretly feel like they're behind. And they just don't say it because nobody wants to raise their hand and admit that they haven't figured it out yet. So instead, we just we perform or we look fine or we act like we're on track or like we don't care about being on track, you know? You know that? Like I did that for a very long time. It's like, oh yeah, I'm not really interested in a house. I'm not really interested. And so we carry this like low hum of anxiety that we are somehow running late to our own life, you know? And I want to offer you something though. And that is the permission to actually opt out of this. Like you're allowed to opt out of this timeline. You're allowed to create your own timeline. Now, this is not opting out of ambition. So I'm not telling you to stop wanting things, but I want you to opt out from the timeline, from the idea that there is a right age to do anything. Like I was 40 when I bought my first home. I'm basically a grandma nearing retirement age, if you ask a financial advisor. And funnily enough, we have a financial advisor on the podcast next week, and she is bloody amazing. She is going to, oh my God, she is gonna shake us all up, including myself. I'm a little bit scared actually to have her on, but she's gonna be amazing. Love her. So definitely tune in for that. But doing things later doesn't mean that it's wrong. Like a delayed dream is not a failed life, it's just a life being lived at your pace, on your terms. Like even Vera Wang, she actually, I love her story. Like, she couldn't find a wedding dress that she liked at 40, so she designed her own and then she opened a bridal salon, and now she's worth like an estimated 600 bloody million dollars or something. J.K. Rowling didn't complete the Harry Potter series until she was 42. And between all that, I think she was like a single mum, she was on benefits, all that. Morgan Freeman got his big break at 50. I can't remember what film it was, but in 50. Like before that, he was just like a stage actor, I think. And now he's one of the most recognizable voices on the absolute planet. Even Mel Robbins bangs on about it all the time. Like she was 49 when she first published her first book, like she was 54 when she launched the Mel Robbins podcast, and it's one of the fastest growing podcasts in the entire world. And sure, there are also the Justin Bieber's and the Hannah Montanas and the Taylor Swifts who started out as babies, and there are also people out there who are on their own timeline as well. I mean, I have a friend who had her first baby in year 12, and I also have a friend who had her first baby at 49 a few weeks ago. Different timelines. Neither is wrong, right. There's pros and cons to all of it. Different timelines. So the first thing that I really want you to do, and I mean actually sit with this, is ask yourself like, which timeline is my life actually for me? Like, what is there a deadline that I need to stick to? Like which ones am I choosing and which ones just arrived? Because once you can see the difference, you actually get to decide which ones that you want to keep. You get to create your own timeline. And that's point number one. Because I really want you to stop feeling like you are left behind, right? Or feeling like you are behind. You're absolutely not. But make sure you create your own timeline. Point two is decide what actually matters to you. All right. So this one is really for my corporate people as well, right? So my nine to fivers, the ones who are really good at their job, and also, if we're being honest, not entirely sure if they chose it, like people who just landed in it. And here's what I see happen to people who spend years inside big organizations, inside structures and systems and other people's visions, is they get very good at adapting. And adapting is a skill until it isn't, until you look up one day and realize that you've built an entire life around what was practical rather than what was true for you. Instead of asking yourself, what actually matters to me? People spend years pretending they don't care about the thing they desperately care about. And I want to say that again. People spend years pretending they don't care about the thing that they desperately care about. Because caring feels risky. Because wanting something you might not get is uncomfortable. So you actually shrink it. You tell yourself you're being, you know, realistic. You say, I'm not really that fast about something that actually keeps you up at night. And I get it. Like it's self-protection. If you don't admit you want it, you can't be disappointed when it doesn't happen, right? Clever little cookie. But the cost of that protect protection is really high because you don't just end up hiding the desire from other people. You start hiding it from yourself. And sometimes we say we don't want something because wanting it feels too big. Like I started to tell myself I didn't want a house. I started to tell myself I was happy renting. Like I love the area we live now, like we are happy here. Except it was a house we couldn't do anything with. It was a house we couldn't make our own. It was a house that had regular friggin' inspections that drove me crazy. It was a house that was old, it was a house that didn't ooze Harvey residence. But I got scared that we wouldn't be able to find something, scared of being disappointed. So here's the question. If nobody was actually watching, if there were no practical constraint, like if failure wasn't on the table, what would you actually want? Not what should you want, not what makes sense, but what do you want? Because you are allowed to want things that actually feel really big. Like we get one shot at this thing called life. You are allowed to want things that feel big. You are allowed to look at the path that you're on and ask, like, is this actually mine? Like deciding what matters to you is not a one-time event either. Like it's a practice. Like you change, life changes. In my 20s and 30s, I never wanted to get married. Like it was not for me. I thought it was weird. Like, no, thanks. And then I met my spunk of a husband and plot twist, I wanted to get married. Like part of living really well is staying curious about all of that. You know, checking in on not just with what you're achieving, but whether what you're chasing is. Still what you actually want. And it's okay if it's not. But be really honest with yourself and just decide what actually matters to you. Like that was point two. What actually matters to you. Number three, be okay with pausing, resetting, and reevaluating. If there is one thing that is having a serious cultural moment right now, I think it is the reset. Like I see it all over social media. I saw see all businesses doing it as well, where it's like promoting this reset, like changing careers, leaving the thing that looked great on paper, stepping back from a goal that you've been chasing for years and years and years and actually thinking like maybe this isn't for me anymore. But redefining what success even means at this stage of your life. I love that question as well, because looking at what success meant to me even last year, it's very different to what success means for me right now. And we have to stay on top of that. Otherwise, we start to feel out of alignment. We start to feel like things aren't great. And it's like, why? You're all confused because you've been changing. Your environment's been changing. So you want to give yourself time to redefine what success means. And people are just doing this everywhere, right? Like quietly, loudly, in their living rooms, on their LinkedIn. And I think that this whole resetting thing is because we are slowly, finally, giving ourselves permission to evolve. Like we had a house hunting pause late last year. It wasn't feeling good looking all the time and not finding a match. It was depressing and exhausting. So I said to my husband, I was like, can we just pause? Like, pause from you looking, pause from both of us even talking about it. Like, let's give it a couple of months and just pause. And then we picked it back up again after New Year's and we reset our wants and re-evaluated what we were looking for. Because initially we wanted to be on quite a big block of land. And then we changed it to not it to for it not really being a necessity, you know. Like I think even one of my friends was saying to me a few weeks ago, she was like, you know, you'll be like mowing a lot. And I was like, that just sounds terrible. Like it's not like we've got kids playing on the grass that need like a football field. Like, I don't know if we actually need a lot of land, you know. So we always wanted to have a really big open space in the kitchen and lounge, that was really important for us, and space to sit outside and a nice office space for me and a shed for the big fella. But we needed that reset. And even though people promote pausing and resetting, it still actually feels really scary for a lot of people because we actually live in a world that rewards consistency, right? And it treats kind of changing your mind as a little bit of a weakness. It's like just stick to what you said you were gonna do. And that it kind of quietly implies like if you were serious enough, committed enough, focused enough, you wouldn't need to stop and reassess. You'd just keep going, my friend. And I really want to push back on that because pausing is not quitting. Like resetting is not failure, reevaluating is not weakness. It is bloody smart. It is you paying enough attention to your own life to notice when something isn't working anymore and then being brave enough to say so. You know, like burnout taught a lot of people this the really hard way. Like they kept going past every signal because, you know, stopping felt like they were losing until stopping wasn't a choice anymore and they get sick. And I never want that to be the only way that people learn that they aren't allowed to, or that they are, sorry, allowed to rest. You know, you're allowed to reconsider. You're allowed to change direction without it meaning the whole thing was just a waste of time. You're allowed to put a pin in a goal and pick it up again later. You're allowed to let yourself evolve, not just in what you do, but in who you are and what you're building toward as well. So the reset is not the end of the story. Sometimes it's the absolute beginning of the better one. And so point three is be okay with pausing, resetting, and reevaluating. Like that is one of the really great keys of how to stop feeling behind in life. Because if you are just chasing and it becomes exhausting and it becomes miserable, oh my God, stop. Horrible, right? Number four is let yourself get excited about big scary things. So this is a little bit of a personal one now because at some point, and I'm not entirely sure when, but I became very good at managing my own expectations, like staying calm, being measured, not getting too excited about things in case they didn't work out. And I actually do think that that kind of came from growing up, you know, and it was that protection from mum and dad. Like, don't get too excited just yet, because it might not happen, you know, like all the moment it was like, can Claire come over? Yes, she can, but we're gonna have to check with her mum and dad. And I'd be like, oh my God, I'm so excited when Claire comes over, we're gonna do this and we're gonna do that. And mom goes, don't get too excited, it might not happen. So you'd have to really try and just like keep yourself calm. And on the surface, that actually sounds really mature, like sensible, like good mum and dad, like really, really sensible to say that. But underneath it, it something else was going on entirely. Like you're protecting yourself from disappointment, but you're never letting yourself kind of get excited about hope. And that is a very quiet, very lonely way to live. And I think a lot of people do this. Like you've wanted things before and they haven't worked out. You've been let down. You've learned sometimes very painfully that excitement doesn't guarantee the outcome. So you get really careful and you let yourself be interested in things but not excited. Like you're allowed to be curious, but not hopeful. So you stay realistic, you stay safe, safe. You stay safe, you stay safe. But here's what I've also come to understand because I'm so wise and you know, 40 and gray, is that being hopeful is actually really vulnerable. Like full stop. Letting yourself get genuinely excited about something means admitting that you care. And caring means you could be hurt. And somewhere along the way, a lot of us decided the hurt wasn't worth the hope. And so I want to offer a bit of a different view. The excitement is the point. The hoping is the good part, not because it guarantees the outcome, because it absolutely doesn't. I get it. I get it, mum. Like just because I'm excited about Claire coming over doesn't mean Claire's mom and daddy's gonna allow her to come over. But getting excited about something is living in a state of genuine anticipation, of real desire, of actual investment in what of what might be possible. Like that is being alive. That's the good stuff. Like, I don't want to tone that sort of stuff down. I don't want any of us to tone that down. You know, I realized I had become so focused on protecting myself from disappointment that I'd stopped letting myself feel excitement about this chapter. Like I was rolling my eyes when friends and family would say, so how's the house hunt going? And I was like, oh, don't ask me. Like it wasn't fun anymore. I was making it painful. And when I noticed that, like really noticed it, I decided I was doing it wrong. So whatever the big scary thing is for you right now, like the idea that you keep talking yourself out of, like the dream that you've been keeping at arm's length, or the goal that you're just too afraid to say out loud, let yourself want it, like properly, loudly, unreservedly. Unreservedly. That's a really weird word, isn't it? I'm sure it's a word. Unreservedly. I could have made it up. But being hopeful, I just want to make this really clear as well. It's just, it's not naive, right? Like you're not naive if you're hopeful and excited. It's actually really brave. Like let it out there, get it out there into the universe. And my husband's actually really big on this, like just that real, you know, getting out there into the universe what you actually want, like saying it. And I think it is. Even on the 9th of May, we went to go and look at that house. I was like, today could be the day that we're buying our house, babe. And he was like, it absolutely could. It didn't matter if deep down we were like, it was like really trying to get excited about this next next chapter. So point four is let yourself get excited about big, scary things. Do it, it's fun. And because you're you're, you know, big enough and ugly enough to handle it if it doesn't happen. It's okay. Just keep being excited about things. Yeah? Okay. Point five, celebrate yourself properly. This is the last one. Celebrate yourself properly. And I saved this one for last because I think it might be the one that most people skip entirely. But you have to celebrate yourself properly. So it's not just a, oh yeah, that was good. Okay, next moment. It's not a quick acknowledgement before you move the goal post and start running for the next thing, which we all do, but a real actual pause, a moment where you look at what you've done and you let it land. Like I see this so much in high-performing people. And if you're listening to this, there's a good chance that you're actually one of them. But people who achieve things and immediately minimize them, who hit a goal and are already three goals ahead before the first one is even sunk in, who move from like milestone to milestone without ever actually standing in one long enough to kind of feel it, you know, because even buying a house, like you get the congratulations, it's yours call. And then it's okay, so that was amazing. Let's lock in building in pests, let's sign the contract. I've got to let the landlord know. Let's meet with the solicitor, meet with my broker. Okay, I've got to let the financial advisor know. I've got to fill out 27,000 forms that all ask the exact same thing on different letterhead. And it is so easy to get caught up in the next steps instead of, you know, go for dinner at each big point. Like when we got the call on the 9th of May, we went out and bought a bottle of Zero Prosecco to celebrate, which we were so excited to do. And when the finances got cleared, we went out for Thai to celebrate. When the building and pest inspection came back with the possible termites, and then we were told it was actually ants, we celebrate our love for ants together. I've actually never been so excited to hear that it was just ants. Like we had the most amazing um building and pest inspection. Shout out to Chris from Inspector Pro. He was so brilliant, so thorough. And he did come back and he's like, Candace, the house is incredible. Just one little thing. Just to the side of the garage, there's like a little, what looks like a termites trail. It might not be termites, but it might just be ants, but I'd really get it checked. So anyway, the incredible current owners of the house, actually, they're not the owners anymore. It's our house. The previous owners of the house did this amazing thing where every year they had like a termite check, right? Which we're gonna carry on over. And so it just happened to be the Monday after the inspection. So Jason and I were sort of holding our breath, going, We really don't want this to be a termites thing. That would absolutely, absolutely be terrible. Um, but anyway, it came back and they were like, no, it was just ants. So, oh, I was so excited. I love ants. Freaking love ants. But I can also understand why people skip the celebration step. You know, when they are feeling like they are behind and they just got to keep going, keep going, they skip this part, like there's always more to do. There's always a next level. Celebrating can sometimes feel a little bit indulgent or premature or like you're getting comfortable when you should be pushing. But here's what I know: when you never pause to celebrate, when you never let the good thing actually feel good, you actually train yourself to believe that nothing is ever enough. And that's exhausting. That is a treadmill with no off switch. You like you did something, something that required courage or effort or persistence or all three, and it deserves a moment. Not a party necessarily, although I really do want to have a housewarming party, so you know, keep an eye out for that. Imagine if I just said anyone who wants to come, I would never do that. Um, there's no way. Even my husband said, you get stressed out about parties, and it's like, yeah, it is one of those things that I stress out about, to be honest. Um, but I like the idea of it, and especially in our very beautiful home, so you never know. Anyway, doesn't have to be a party, but also why not a party? But a genuine conscious acknowledgement, like from you to you, you know, and I I have. There's been so many times when my husband and I have went through the middle of the day and we've send each other messages in this whole lead up to moving into the home, where it's like, I'm so proud of us. I'm so excited for us. This is so freaking awesome. I can't believe that this is our home. Like we are so excited that after all of this time, it's like this is way better than what we thought. Like to a point where we look at other houses now, we're like, ours is better. Ours is better. Like we love our house. Like our house is just delish. And I knew it from the first step. The first step, everyone. God, that drove my husband crazy. But for once, just don't rush past the milestone. Like stand in it, both feet. Feel it, let yourself be really proud because the version of you who started this journey would just not believe where you are right now. And that person deserves to be really celebrated, even if, especially if the only person doing the celebrating is you, right? So there you are. These are the five points, the five things to help you stop feeling behind in a life that was never meant to be run on someone else's schedule. Like create your own timeline. Decide what actually matters to you. Be okay with pausing and resetting. Let yourself get excited. And for Pete's sake, whoever Pete is, celebrate yourself properly. If any of these land for you today, I would love to know which one. Send me a message, leave a review, share this episode with someone who needs to hear it because the more people who know that they are not behind, the better. I'm off to unpack some more boxes. Until next time, go have fun and shake things up.