123. 1300 days Alcohol-Free: The Things Nobody Tells You

It was 1st July 2016. Dry July had just started.

I lasted ten hours.

Dad offered me a glass of wine after work and honestly - it wasn't even a hard decision. Dry July was done before it really began.

Fast forward to 2026 and I haven't had a drink in nearly 1,300 days. 

Three and a half years. And I want to talk about it.

Not in a preachy way. Not in a "I've seen the light and you haven't" way. In an honest, real, this-is-what-actually-happens way - because there are things nobody tells you about giving up alcohol. 

Things that are hard. Things that are weird. Things that will make you laugh. 

This episode is for the people who don't drink, the people who are curious about stopping, the people who've dabbled in giving it a break - and yes, even the people who have zero intention of quitting but want to listen anyway so they can say "see, that's exactly why I still drink Candice."

All are welcome here.

And also... happy 3.5 years of being alcohol-free to me!!!

🎧 If this episode made you think, laugh, or question something - send it to someone who needs a little permission to do life differently. 

📲 Screenshot, tag me @candiceharvey__, and let me know what hit home.

Oh and check out my FUN website for all my services: www.candiceharvey.com 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Welcome to the Shake Up Podcast. Hello, hello. I'm Candace Harvey. I am. I'm a speaker, author, workshop facilitator, also known as a People Shaker. Great title for a podcast, isn't it? The Shaker, considering I'm a People Shaker. Anyway, if you are new here and you don't know much about me, hello. I spent 15 years in HR. Yes, I did. And in 2018, I started my own business with a simple switch. I stopped helping companies manage their people and I started helping people manage themselves. Because I get it. Working life in 2026 is a lot. You know, it's all about meetings that rob you of 45 minutes that you're never getting back. It's an inbox that is relentless. It's personalities that have you deep breathing and that 3 p.m. crash that hits like clockwork, it's real. And no, I don't think quitting is the answer. However, I do know that shaking things up every now and again absolutely is. So if you're ready for a nudge, a reset, or a loving kick up the bum, you're in the right place. So I am recording this episode today. This is the first episode that I'm in my new house, which is really exciting. It really is exciting. I've got the biggest smile on my face looking out my office window. And I was just saying to a friend, it is such a beautiful day. And I actually said, I want to be in the garden. Now, if you if you know me, you will know that that's hilarious because at 40 years on this planet, I don't think I have ever once said, I want to be in the garden. Like to actually do the gardening. Also, the funny thing is, I wouldn't know where to start, ladies and gentlemen. I do know though, on the weekend that I got very excited about the fact, and I still can't believe I did it, but I was I was getting annoyed about leaves. Again, something that's never really bothered me in the past. It's weird being a house owner. All these random things that never used to bother me seem to bother me. Anyway, leaves was one of them. And so I started looking up what you can do about that. And I was like, I think growing up, mum and dad had a blower. So I started looking up a blower, and then I spoke to my friend Claire, who knows all things garden and cleaning and homeowning. Um, she's loving conversations from me at the moment. I'm not even saying that sarcastically. She is loving it. And she's like, no, Candace, you go to Bunnings and you can actually get, it's not a leaf blower, it sucks it and then it turns it into mulch, and then you can do with it what you will. I was like, stop it. The moment my husband came home, I was like, babe, we're going to Bunnings. We're getting a leaf blower, but not a leaf blower, a leaf sucker that turns it into mulch. He, I don't think he knows who he's married anymore. It's so like I find myself on the phone and I start looking at like light switches and the light globes, and I want to do something different. Like I'm just, I'm weird. Anyway, so it's very distracting looking at the garden. But I am very excited to have this conversation with you that's one way because it's a podcast today. But I was sitting in my new lounge room in my new house. I think you get it. I've moved into a new house. And I was kind of, I guess I was just pretending that we didn't have that much more stuff to do. Like all the boxes were unpacked, even though some just aren't. Like I still can't find my favorite candle. Like I got this candle for my birthday from my friends, Andrew and Ben. I love that candle, and I can't find it. Anyway, I'll find it eventually. I'll find it. Anyway, I was watching TV, right? Which is weird because we actually hadn't actually, we actually hadn't actually connected to the internet. So the NBN guy hadn't come to fix our internet yet. So I was watching TV, which was a hectic few days, watching Farmer Wants a Wife on Channel 7. It was really fun. But an ad came on for dry July, just popped up. And it got me thinking, because I actually remember in 2016. It's 2016, maybe 2015. Anyway, one of those years, pre-meeting my husband, I think it was, uh, I did dry July. So it was the first of July, and I remember working that day. I was working in Brisbane. And on the way home, I went to visit mum and dad after work, and dad asked if I wanted a glass of wine, and I said yes, and that was dry July for like 10 hours in July. That's all I did. Like I had the whole account set up and it didn't last very long. 10 hours. That's how much I made it. Fast forward though to 2026, my life is very different. I don't drink. I haven't drunk for nearly 1,300 days, actually. So three and a half years. And I want to talk about it on the episode today, not in a preachy way, because that's annoying, but in a real honest way for those who maybe don't drink, never have, or have recently given up, or for those who have dabbled in giving booze a break, or even those who have no desire to quit drinking, but are keen to hear the things that nobody tells you, so that you can say, see, that's why I still drink cantus. And I want to be really clear up front with something. Like there is still something that I really struggle with, and I'm very torn between two things being true in my mind. So even after 1300 days, one is that like you do you boo. You know, drink or don't, it's your life. Like you're the one who has to live your life, not me. So you do you. Like truly, I love my decision, but you do you. And the second thing that I believe is also true is that I wish everyone would stop drinking. So it's that you do you, and can everyone give up, please? Like it's a contradiction, I know. However, anyone who's changed something significant about themselves, maybe they've given up sugar, maybe it's meat or gluten or they've quit a hobby because of, you know, a certain reason. Maybe it's even the people they couldn't stand, but they miss the hobby. Like, I don't know. But you might relate to this, like this pull of two things being true. And I genuinely don't want to be preachy, because like I said, that's annoying. But I also struggle to fully unsee what I've seen and unknow what I now know and are the things that I guess I've experienced. Like I it's hard to unexperience it, right? So I just selfishly wish that everyone would quit because of what it's given me, but that's not my call to make. And also, this isn't really what the episode is about. So today I actually want to do my best. I feel like I'm off to a really great start, but it's a it's a difficult subject, right? Because I also do know and I'm very aware that I am in the minority, but I want to do my absolute best to share the real truth about giving up alcohol. And this is obviously my version of events, so it's my truth. And like anything with the Shake Up podcast and the work that I do, if it gets you thinking differently or gets you resonating or being interested in something that you weren't before, my job here is done. It's about being really open, it's about being really curious, it's about seeing things differently. Like you don't have to agree, obviously. That's not the point either. And like, cool. But also, I just really want to be able to share that, believe it or not, being sober isn't a part of my life that I even talk about a lot. Like I'll happily talk about being a, I don't know, decaf drinker, I'll happily talk about being child-free by choice, I'll talk about being vegan, but I honestly find talking about vegan, especially with someone who isn't vegan, a super boring topic. So I'm not that keen on talking about it if I'm honest. But I think people think that I want to chat about it, but I actually don't, you know, and they'll be like, so what do you eat? I'm like, oh God, this is so boring. Because it's actually just part of my life. Like it's just, I know how I eat. I've been doing it for how old am I? Nine years, I think I've been vegan, but it's it's really not a very interesting part of who I am. But the fact that I don't drink and haven't for almost three and a half years is not something I choose to talk about unless it's with people who are booze free too, then I'm all in. So I guess I don't talk about it because I'm in the minority. Um, and most people I know do drink. And I guess I don't talk about it because of my conflicting views. You know, like it's confusing. You do you, but also stop drinking. But alcohol was a really big part of my life. I started drinking at 15, believe it or not. I went to Germany as an exchange student when I was 15. I think I need to say student very lightly. Like I was meant to go to school there for four months. Uh, mum, close your ears. I really didn't go to school much when I was there for four months, I remember. Um, I did smoke so much that I actually spewed in a German restaurant, and I also started my drinking life in Germany because you can legally drink at 15. So get in. I remember going to a party in Germany and I was I drank so much, which probably wasn't much. Like it actually made me just think. It's like, was it or was it just because I had a little tiny body and I wasn't used to it? But I remember it was it was pretty awful. And I had to call my host mum to come and pick me up. And I remember telling her that I ate a bad sausage. And at the time, I thought that she absolutely believed me. Like I thought it was, you know, I was like, I don't feel well. I think I ate a bad sausage, and she just like looked after me and she didn't say anything, but I remember feeling absolutely terrible the next day. And my host family did we did a road trip to Köln, I think it was. And I still remember just hating that day and having to pretend how excited I was to be in Köln with this German family that I was staying with and trying to be really grateful and wanting to like die because I just don't think I'd ever felt like that before. But then I came home from Germany, so after the four months, and by that stage I was in year 11. Um, and it was just all about, I think when I think about grade 11 and grade 12, it was really about when are we gonna drink next? Who is gonna buy us booze? Is Victoria's sister gonna be able to get it? Do you think Sam's dad will mind doing it for us? It was that's just what it was, it was all about. You know, it was about sneaking around and telling our parents that we were going to a gathering and not a party. But it was always just about when are we gonna do that again? You know, when are we gonna skull cruisers like losers? When are we gonna pass out and just get excited about the next time? It was fun, it was exciting, it felt naughty. And then you get to uni and it's legal eventually. So you have, you know, wine and cheese nights with your friends and you eat pasta on the kitchen floor after clubbing. And then I moved to London where I drank every night after work. You know, I came to work, hung over, like that was really normal. And you'd eat a really greasy breakfast and you'd get through work and you'd do it all over again that night. Like it was just, it was constant, you know? Um, and then I moved to Houston, Texas, where I lived for a year, and that was exactly the same. It was any excuse to drink beers by the pool, go for happy hour, drink beers in the car, beers in the cinema, beers at the rodeo, beers, beers, beers. Then I eventually moved back to Brisbane in my early 30s, and I got back into partying after doing fly in, fly out for a few years, which was a very weird life. So back in Brisbane, I had my bestie living around the corner, and I know my pop my mum's listening to this podcast, so I won't go into all the details, but we had a really fun time. Late nights, depression for days afterwards. It was the best. And I'm not just saying that, it really was. Like I loved all of that. Like I don't actually think I would take it back. And then I met my future husband. We also loved our date nights. We drank a lot of red wine together. We did a lot of bar crawls, we did wine walks, we did wineries, you know, Friday night drinks, Saturday lunchtime drinks, Sunday fun day drinks. It was just normal. But as I got older, hangovers seemed to get worse. Like one glass of wine made me feel rubbish, like the next day. Like I would literally have one glass and wake up and feel a little bit dusty. And that just wasn't fun, right? Like it feels like it is. Like, let's go and have a few drinks. And then you wake up the next day and you're like, this isn't fun. And I remember it was Christmas 2022, and we were drinking a lot, we were eating a lot, which is very standard for what Christmas is. And I started to get bored of wine and I loved wine. Like I would drink it and it would actually just feel around this time a bit like meh. Like I just wasn't excited by it. So I actually decided to do 75 hard. I asked my husband if he would do it with me, because that's easier, right? Like it's doing something called 75 hard. It's like if I could not do it on my own, that would be brilliant. And straight away when I told him what was it about, because it was 75 days of not drinking, he said, no way. Like, and I remember it so clearly. His initial reaction was like, uh, no, like I'm not not drinking for 75 days. Like it was a really long time. And I remember that I couldn't even do 24 hours in 2016 for dry July. Um, but he ended up caving and he said, Yeah, okay, let's let's do it. We'll do it together. I think deep down he was getting bored of drinking around that Christmas time. And, you know, when you are giving up for a reason, it's it's socially easier, right? Like it's kind of like I'm I'm not touching it initially, but I will in a bit. You know, like I've done fitness challenges before where you're not drinking. So this was kind of similar. It was 75 days and when we're not drinking. And then the 75 days ended and I didn't feel like a drink. I realized I didn't want to be dusty anymore. I didn't want hangover days on the couch. And I love couch days, but not wishing I would die days. There's a difference, right? Um and I had millions of them, and I was just, I was bored of them, so I decided I'm not gonna drink anymore. And that was nearly 1300 days ago. And to be honest, I look back now and it has been a journey, as the cheesy saying goes. You know, the first six months was a really weird adjustment of not drinking. You know, you're telling your friends for the first time, you you get stuck on what are we gonna do for fun if we're not gonna be drinking? Like it was it was hard. You know, friends would come over, and that would be usually where we'd go to the bottle and we get a drink. And if we're not doing that now, crap. You know, what do we actually do? Because for 22 years, fun actually equaled drink. Like that was it. Like, let's go have fun meant let's go have a drink. So then we got to like the 12-month mark, and people are kind of like, are you still not drinking after that 75 hard thing that you did? Almost like it's annoying for them. And I get it. Like I changed the relationship, right? Like we used to drink together and now we don't because I'm the one that stopped. Like they didn't sign up for this friendship. I did. I signed up to being the person who's not drinking anymore, but it also affects them and it affects our relationship. And truly, when I was a drinker, someone not drinking was kind of a buzzkill. Like I hate to admit it, but it was so true. Like I would honestly think, where is the fun if you're just coming along and you're not drinking? Like I found it annoying. So here I was the other way around. And then you go into like the second year and it starts feeling a little bit more normalized, you know, for you and for others. Like a few people still ask if you'll have a drink or, you know, even as a one-off, but not really. You know, you meet new people and you tell them you no longer drink and they only know you as a non-drinker. And you feel the need, or I did, to say, like, I used to drink for a really long time and now I don't, as in please realize I used to be cooler than I am now. I used to do that all the time. I was like, I don't actually drink. Yeah, like it's been a couple of years now, but I used to. I used to drink so much. God, I loved Riesling. Like I would, I would always say that. And then you get to the third year mark, and you're known by everyone as just a non-drinker. Like friends who you've known for a really long time now, they will get you a zero beer at the bar when they get themselves a bottle of wine to share. Like it's locked in. Candace doesn't drink. And of course, there are a lot of health benefits that go with not drinking anymore. And the lack of hangovers is great and understanding your body more because a headache isn't alcohol-related anymore. It's water or it's sleep or it's food or it's something else. But there's also a lot of things that nobody tells you about giving up drinking. And I'm gonna share them with you because they are hard. They've been really hard for me, but also they're not too hard that I would go back to drinking, which always I find that really interesting, right? Like I love the choice that I have made. And sometimes I wish I didn't know all the things that I know about alcohol. Like I almost miss being naive to it all. Like I miss the time that I didn't realize alcohol was bad and that I was in the majority, not the minority. But I also love this life that I choose every day. But it's also really complicated being human sometimes. And I guess it's similar to like, you know, don't eat KFC chips every day, even though we want to, but we don't because we will feel ordinary, right? If we do, and it's not good for us. Like there are some things like this in life that we adhere to and some we ignore because we prefer the dopamine. We prefer the short-term satisfaction and we we worry about the effects later. Like we're just gonna worry about that later. You know, I do that with biscoff. Like I know it's not ideal to eat it out of the jar, but I do it. And then five jars later, I wonder why my jeans are tied up. Not five jars in a row, that would be revolting. But you know, over time, there's a lot of jars of biscoph that I have I have helped myself to. I I sometimes wonder where my husband thinks the biscoff goes. Like we buy it, and then all of a sudden it's not there anymore. Like, does he just think that one serving, because sometimes I drizzle it over his oats. Like I tell myself that's why I buy biscoff, just to have a little treat over our overnight oats, but really I'm just eating it out of the jar. But I want, does he, does he think about that? Does he not? Anyway, it's not the point. But my jeans do get tighter. But in regards to alcohol, I don't drink. I truly, right now, have zero desire to ever drink again. I love the choice I have made, but there are 10 things that nobody tells you about being alcohol-free, and I am gonna share them with you. And before I actually get into it, I just want it known that it is the first of July right now, as I'm sitting here recording this, and I have made, and I was just talking about it on my Instagram page today, I have three goals that I am really focused on for July. I'm so excited about them. Really excited, really want these goals to be something that I focus on because I know they're gonna make a real difference for me. I'm curious about them, I'm interested about them, I'm all in. One of them is about being more bold. So for the month of July, I am going to be a lot more courageous. I'm gonna be knocking on doors, I'm gonna be getting contact with especially businesses who I've been busting to work with. And until they say no, I'm just gonna keep being bold. I'm gonna keep asking a question. Number two is about moving more. So over the last couple of months, especially with the house, I have just not been in my normal routine. I love walking, as so many of you know, and I haven't been into that routine. We haven't signed up to a new gym yet. My husband's gonna sign up to one next week. I'm not sure. I just want to get my bum moving to start with. So moving more is what I'm gonna be doing every single day again, which is really, really exciting. And the third one, and the reason why I'm bringing that up is because through this episode so far, I've been very mindful of it, but I am going to be swear free for the month of July. Yeah, I am. Swear free. Sounds simple, doesn't it? There have been a few times though, so far already, it's only 18 minutes in this episode, where I've found myself going, sh, sha ha ha, and changing the word. So it's really just a matter of me being a bit more curious of what it would be like to not swear. Because you get into habits, right? And I think that my swearing habit had just got a little bit relaxed. I was just, I wasn't worried about who I was around anymore, even though I know deep down it's just a word. And I truly believe in that. I think that it is a word that for me can create a lot of impact. It can also be hilarious, and it can also shake people up when they're not expected. So it's really about putting those swear words for me into well-timed situations. Uh, however, sometimes it's just used when I'm tired and I'm a bit lazy. So for the month of July, even though my husband thinks, good luck, babe, rude, right? Rude. I am going swear free. So I'll keep you posted on that. But I just I really wanted it known that so far in the episode it has been a struggle and I've been absolutely nailing it. Okay, back to the episode. I'm really excited to share this with you. So there are 10 things that nobody tells you about being alcohol free, and I'm gonna go through them with you. So, number one, get used to walks and coffee dates. That is the very first thing. So 1300 days of being alcohol free, of being sober, of being the person who says no thank you. Uh and the thing that you may not realize is you just have to get used to walks and coffee dates. That becomes your social life now. So you won't get invited out for drinks or dinners as much anymore, obviously. What you will get is want to grab a coffee or let's go for a walk. And honestly, I love both of those things. If you know me, you know this. I love going out for a decaf white on oat. I love going for a walk. It's like my love language. I genuinely do. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice that when my friends catch up with other friends, there's a bit more variety on the menu, right? Like for me, it gets to be which cafe and which walking track are we going every time. So the thing that you may not realize is start to get very familiar and be able to pick out your favorite cafes and walking meeting points because you'll be saying it a lot. So that's the number one thing. Number two, so the second thing that nobody tells you about being alcohol free is that people aren't as funny when you're sober. They're just not. Let me be a little bit more specific. So they're not as funny to you. So you'll still go to parties, weddings, events, Christmases, camping trips. Please, please do that. Like fun, so much fun. However, you will watch the alcohol do its thing. People loosen up, the jokes start flying, the room gets louder, and the drinkers are in absolute stitches, and you're standing there thinking, that didn't make sense. Or she'd have said the same thing four times, or it's actually not funny. And it's super awkward. You laugh because you're polite, or you do that laugh where it just comes out your nostrils. You know, it's like you know those ones. It's actually really hard to do, like to try and pretend to laugh through your nostrils. So just like air comes through your nostrils. You're trying to be polite, and also you're feeling really uncomfortable. And if you don't look like that, you're now the miserable person who's holding a soda water in lime. Like it stands. Out even more, but it's not the same. And nobody warns you about that specific type of awkwardness. But people just aren't as funny when you're sober. And I love funny. Like, funny is the best. I remember like being out late nights drinking, and everything was funny, hilarious. And if you're sober, it's not, just so you know. Number three, the third thing that nobody tells you about being alcohol-free is you'll think you're boring. And this one actually hurts. I look back on the 22 years of my drinking life, right? Like I'm 40. So 22 years of that, I was a drinker. And there were a bucket load of genuinely unboring nights. Like, you know, I blistered the top of my mouth one year because I snorted pizza at 1 a.m. And I remember this so clearly. I remember waking up and I had like bubbles on the roof of my mouth, like bubbles, like blistered bubbles. And I remember taking pictures and I sent it to everyone who I was out with that night and getting told that we were, you know, rowdy at an at a yacht club. I remember this was in Gladstone. And being told, like, I think the bar lady actually came up to my friend and I, Jody, and said, you know, this is a family restaurant. And after two bottles of wine, we were just like, this is so fun. Like, what a great story. And we still talk about that story. Like it's unboring. We still talk about when we were told to keep it down at the yacht club. I still talk about when I had bubbles at the roof of my mouth because I was so drunk that I snorted pizza at 1 a.m. You know, or staying out until some ridiculous hour and you end up at some macca's somewhere at 3 a.m. and coming home to show everyone that I could still do the splits and then waking up the next morning unable to move, wondering what the hell happened that night. And then a few hours later, someone reminds you and says, You're so good at the splits, Candace. Oh, oh, that's why I can't feel my groin, right? But doing something completely unhinged and blaming the alcohol, like those memories are funny. Those nights were fun. And I'm not going to pretend that they weren't, but here's the thing that nobody tells you when you stop drinking, you don't just lose the alcohol, you lose the excuse to be a bit nuts. And without that excuse, you can feel uptight, you can feel serious, you can feel uncool, you can feel boring. And for someone who has a genuine fear of being boring, like it's, I think it's real. Like the doctor hasn't told me that I have it, but there is this genuine fear of being boring. That's a tough pill to swallow, right? A lot of it is society's conditioning, you know, like drinking equals fun, drinking equals loose, drinking equals cool. I know I don't want to drink. And this is what's going to sound really weird in this episode because I'm listing out all these things that can feel a little bit awful, right? Like so far, I've talked about like get used to walking in coffee dates, get used to realizing that funny people actually aren't that funny when you're sober, get used to feeling boring, like none of this is feeling great. However, I still don't want to drink. But the feeling that I might now be the boring friend, and I'm saying this with like complete jokes to the side, and I'm funny. We all know I'm funny, but jokes to the side, this is something that continues to creep in and it can sometimes stay around for a little while. Like you start to question it a little bit, right? So it's not to say that it's true or not, but it is something that will come and hit you in the face occasionally when you realize all the funny, ridiculous moments that you had, and when you compare it to how you are now, it can feel like you are boring. Number four, the thing that nobody tells you about when you are alcohol free is that you'll think about hangovers constantly. Not because you miss them, because you don't have them anymore. I think about people being hungover all the time. I think about the fact that I'm not hungover all the time. Like, and I'm a little bit cocky about it. You know, like Saturday and Sunday mornings when I'm already up, already walking, already holding my decaf flat white on oat milk. I think about all the people who are still horizontal in their beds right now. I think about the people groaning because they just feel so ordinary and neurophin hasn't done anything. I think about people like Googling, why do I do this to myself? Or how do I stop drinking alcohol or whatever it is? Because we all did that for a split moment. Like the amount of times that I was like, I'm never drinking again. And my friends would be like, Yeah, okay, cool. What are we doing Friday? And you'd be like, I don't know, let's sit down and talk about it. Right? Everyone as well, like when I would think about people being hungover, it's like where you're unsure if you're hungry or if you're about to be sick. Like I remember that feeling. I remember, like, you know, negotiating with myself whether macas counts as self-care, right? Like, because today I feel ordinary. I'm just gonna go and have macas and just look after myself. Like still telling everyone that last night was completely worth it. Like, but I think about hungover people a lot with love and also a lot of relief that I am not that person anymore. Like if I think about it too hard, I can feel the feeling. Like I know exactly what being hungover feels like. I've did it a million times. Remember? I used to be really cool. Remember? Write that down. Candice used to be cool. Number five, the fifth thing that nobody tells you about being alcohol free is you will question whether you're still having fun. So over nearly 1300 days, I've gone through patches of genuinely wondering whether I'm depriving myself in life. Like thinking, is this it now? Like tea on the couch and an early night. And I want to be honest about that because most people skip this part. The truth is there were moments I thought about going back to drinking, not because I missed the alcohol, but because I associated drinking with fun. And I was scared that without it, fun was gone too. And it's scary as someone who believes fun is the most important thing in a person's life. But fun wasn't gone. And this is what's really, really crucial. My relationship with fun just needed time to catch up and who I was becoming and who I am now. Because my birth my version of fun, my version, my version, my version of fun has actually changed. And that's okay. And this is only something that's probably really clicked in recently, which I actually love because I was struggling with it. I was like, am I depriving myself of a fun life? Like all these things that I was talking about at the yacht club, having pizza at ridiculous o'clock and you know, eating pasta on the floor because he's just too drunk to stand. I don't know why I used to do that. This was that was more in my 20s that we just used to come home after clubbing and make pasta and sit on the floor was weird. But I started to think, like, is this am I am I still having fun in life or have I just taken this thing away and now my life is is lame? But just recently it has really caught up with me that my version of fun has changed. And that's okay. Like fun used to mean rounds of drinks. Fun used to be big loud restaurants. Fun used to be Uber rides home with the room spinning. That was so not fun. But, you know, bed by midnight if you were lucky. Now, fun for me, it's gonna sound really different, and it might sound boring, but that's okay. I actually really love it, is exploring somewhere new on a Sunday. You know, reading in the sun, cooking a meal that I'm actually proud of, hanging out with my husband, dancing in the kitchen in the morning when no one's around. I absolutely love that. And having the kind of conversations with friends that go somewhere real. I think about the drunk conversations, they were rubbish. Oh, I nearly said a different word then, but we all know I'm I'm swear-free zone. They were absolutely rubbish, right? The conversations that I used to have with friends. The conversations that I have with friends now, oh my gosh, I love them. And even I'm just thinking about how we were on Sunday where my husband and I actually got up really early and we had no real plans, but you know, living in a new house. I don't know if you know, I'm a homeowner now, have a new house. Yeah, it's pretty exciting. And so we went and explored a different area and we had nowhere to be. We felt amazing. We went and had a coffee, we had a little bit of a stroll, we sat down. My husband's like, let's walk this way. It started raining.

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Oh God.

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I don't know if you know this about me. I hate walking in the rain. I have friends who do not worry about it if we're catching up for the walk and coffee, you know, because that's what I do with friends, walk and coffee, walk and coffee. Um, and if it starts raining, I have one particular friend where she's like, You're not a witch. You won't die. I feel like I might. I'm just not really into it. If I have a hat on, I feel a bit better. But anyway, it was raining and my husband doesn't worry about it either. I start panicking like it's just the worst thing ever. But the thing that made me just pause was the fact that we always feel great on weekends, which I actually really love. And I know it sounds ridiculous, but like I said, I spend a lot of time not feeling great on weekends because of alcohol. We always feel great and we just have this ability to go, what do we feel like doing? What do we feel like eating? Where do we want to go? And I just, I love that freedom that we have. And that is that is fun to me. And honestly, I would take that over the stupid spinning room every single time. But you have to let your idea of fun evolve with you. Otherwise, you will spend years thinking you used to be fun and now you're not, which isn't true. You just used to get intoxicated and be a bit of a you know what, the word that I can't say because I'm in a swear free zone. Uh, and now you you don't. And it actually is called growth. Like you're growing. And I think if you still continue to do the things that you thought were fun, like it's it's actually my worst nightmare to think that I'd still be in the yacht club being a loud lunatic, right? It'd it'd be really concerning if I was still sending photos of my friends with bubbles at the top of my mouth because I I was too drunk to even notice how hot the pizza was. Like you've got to kind of look at that and go, that was hilarious. That was a time in my life, and now things are different. Like, what does fun actually mean to you now? It doesn't have to be when you're intoxicated, it doesn't have to mean when you uh thought you were funny and you're actually not now. Like you're allowed to create a different version of that. And like I said, catching up with my friends and having real conversations, oh my gosh, it's the best. Like it was only last week, the week before, I caught up with my friend Maddie and we went and got saí balls and we sat by the beach and we were just uh, I think we we even put Nutella in it. Yeah, no, we went real crazy. I am crazy as a non-drinker. I'm crazy. However, the conversation that her and I had was the best. Like I walked away feeling like we knew each other better, we were more focused on what actually mattered most. Like it was so cool. It's called growth. Now, the sixth uh thing that nobody tells you about being alcohol free is saying I don't drink still feels uncomfortable. Yeah, I just want that known. It's not like it's easy peasy lemon squeezy for me because it's been 1300 days. No, 1300 days in and I still feel it. Like earlier this year I was emceeing a conference uh and the organizers found me on Google and they were absolutely lovely. And before the event, they kept mentioning on calls that we were having, like we'll grab a drink after, and we can party after the gala's actually done, and I can't wait to have a champs with you. Like they didn't really know me because they found me on Google. That's why I was actually telling you they found me on Google. So many people actually find me on Google. Like I do so much work with my socials, and it's Google. I'm like, great. I have no idea how you found me on Google. Apparently, it can be my social related thing, someone told me, which is awesome. Anyway, people find me on Google quite a lot. But she didn't actually know loads about me. I was just someone that that popped up for her, which was really, really cool. Um, but as she was sort of getting really excited about the whole, we can grab a drink and we can do this and we can do that, there was like that internal groan for me of like, I'm gonna have to tell them and their faces are gonna drop. And they usually do, just slightly, right? Like there's a pause, a recalibration. Like people don't mean anything by it, but 1300 days in, I don't drink, but I'll grab a soda water, still comes out of my mouth, feeling a little bit like an apology. Like nobody tells you that part either. And sometimes I think I might lose work over it. Like they want someone who parties, and that's not me. I think when I meet a great new person and they say we should go for a cocktail, and I think, well, that's that then. You know, I thought like she was gonna be my bestie. In all honesty, it goes both ways too. Like I get gutted just as much. You know, when I meet people who hardly drink, I get really excited. I'm like, oh my God, same. So I get it. And also saying I drink, I don't drink, sorry. See, I still can't even say it. Saying I don't drink still feels really uncomfortable. And I think that that is something that people don't tell you about giving up booze. People might think it gets easier and maybe it will. You know, I'm three and a half years in, maybe it will. And again, like I said, 22 years I was a dr I was someone who did drink. And three and a half years now I've been someone who, no, I don't drink. So it might get easier, it might not. It doesn't mean it's also enough to chuck it in and just don't drink. But that is definitely something that I don't think people talk about, is that saying that the whole process of not drinking absolutely gets easier. You know, I remember speaking to one of my friends about it as well, who was really, really curious about wanting to give up booze. And I said, you know, you've got to go through just the firsts of everything. You know, you'll go, you'll go through your first birthday and not drink, and you'll go to it for your first wedding and not drink, and you'll go overseas, like my husband and I did a couple of years ago, and you'll travel not drinking. Because even that we weren't sure. Like I remember, like my husband loves Guinness or loved Guinness, and we were going to Ireland, and I was like, Do you think you're gonna have a Guinness? And he was like, I don't know. You know, he doesn't drink as well. By the way, I don't know if I actually shared that. We did 75 HUD. He went back into drinking a little bit, but not much, and then just decided he didn't want to because he listened to a bucket load of podcasts and was like, why would we do this to ourselves? So we're both non-drinkers. But then when we're actually over in Ireland, he was like, I don't want to drink, and there was zero Guinness, which he absolutely loved. I mean, I had one or two just because you're there and you do it, but Guinness was never that exciting to me, just chucking that out there. Anyway, it does though start to feel a little bit uncomfortable still when you have to tell people that um you don't drink. I wouldn't chuck it in the bin though. I love it, but people don't tell you about that. Number seven. So the seventh thing that no the seventh thing that nobody tells you when you go alcohol free is no amount of ethanol is actually safe. I remember reading that line in my favorite giving up booze book, Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker, and it actually stopped me in my tracks. Like no amount of ethanol is actually safe. Like people who drink one glass think that they are being really good. Like I used to. You know, I used to be able to say, like, I'm just gonna have one or two, you know, like I'm really, I'm being good at the moment. I'm just gonna have one or two. But that one small glass is still ethanol that you're pouring into your cute little body. And I know that that's not what people want to hear. I know it's inconvenient. I know it might make you want to roll your eyes so far into the back of your head that you see your brain when that comes out of my mouth. But it's actually hard to argue, right? And I know it runs directly against every wine with dinner, beer after work, rose on the weekend story that we've been told our whole lives. But the science is pretty clear on this one. And just one to take the edge off isn't a health strategy. It's a habit that's learnt how to sound reasonable. Like we've just said it so many times to ourselves and to each other that it started to feel like fact. It's not. It's comfort dressed up as, I don't know, logic. And I say that with zero judgment because I said it too for 22 years, but no amount of ethanol is actually safe. And that is something over the last 1,300 days. I nearly said hours. That'd be impressive, but it's way more impressive to say days. But 1,300 days when I do look at people drinking now, it's none of it. Putting any of that into your cute body is actually safe. Number eight, the eight thing that nobody actually tells you when you are alcohol free is that sober sex is way better than boozy banging. Yeah, it is. I'm gonna leave it at that because my mum listens to the podcast and I'd like her to be able to look at me in the eye when we talk about my husband. But if you know, you know. And if you don't know yet, you will. Sober sex is way better than boozy banging. Number nine, the thing that people do not tell you is that you will start finding people who drink a little bit weird. I actually wish this one wasn't there for me, because this is a really tough one, especially when you know that your decision is like locked in. When I'm like, why would I drink again? And it's not for me like I'm this challenge. It's not like this is hard for me. And I think this is really, it's probably really late in the episode to actually do this disclaimer. But I understand that there are people who want to give up drinking, who are trying to give up drinking, who have a really uncomfortable, unhealthy, tough relationship with alcohol. I wasn't one of those people. Yes, I drank way too much for 22 years. Yes, I classified drinking as fun. Yes, I thought putting a bucket load of ethanol into my body was a great time. However, giving it up was not a hard thing for me. It really wasn't. It's like once I made up my mind that this was the life that I wanted to live, you know, I, and I'm not saying this is a joke, but kind of, giving up biscoff is hard for me. I bloody love it. I bloody love it. However, and sometimes that makes me feel a little bit sick. Not hangover sick, but sometimes. So I know that there are things in people's life that are really hard to get rid of. There are probably people listening going, alcoholism and giving up biscoff, Candace, is not the same thing. I appreciate it's not the same thing, but I just want to make it really clear that my particular story, it wasn't that difficult. But the social aspects and all the things that I am sharing with you on this episode were the things that really, I really struggled with. And this one in particular is tough. And I'm gonna even try and articulate it. But you know, so you start finding people who drink a little bit weird. And this is not in a superior way. It's not in a I've seen the light and you haven't way. It actually creeps up on you quietly, and you don't even realize it's happening until one day you're at like, I don't know, a gathering watching someone on their third glass getting a little louder, a little sloppier, laughing a little too hard at something that wasn't that funny, and you think, huh. It's the same feeling that people get watching someone light up a cigarette in 2026. Like you don't say anything, you don't make a face, you just notice. And then you go back to your soda water and you're totally riveting conversation about which cafe has the best DKFO flat white. But I find myself walking past restaurants and seeing everyone drinking, which is what I used to do, which is normal life. There is a lot of people out there that drink, and it weirds me out. You know, they don't say, don't they actually say that like um the worst non-smokers are ex-smokers or something like that? I might have butchered that, but it's kind of actually true where it's like people who were smokers, they're not smokers anymore. And then they look at people smoking, they're like, oh my god, it's absolutely disgusting. How could you do that when they used to do that? So it's kind of similar to that. I was a drinker. I now look at people drinking and I'm like, why would you do that? Because once you're a convert, you're annoying and everyone comes across as a little bit weird. So this is one that if you have decided that you don't want to drink anymore, if it is not for you, and then you are in, you know, the three and a half year mark, so 1300 days, and you are starting to look at people and you think that they're a little bit weird, same. It's really tough. It's when you make that decision to do something that feels really good for you and you realize that other people aren't on board, it feels weird. So that is something that I go through. I know that my husband goes through because my husband works for a very male-dominated industry. And when he is out with work, dinners, and drinks, he, you know, doesn't drink and it can feel weird, but you start looking at people who drink and you're like, you're odd. You're odd. Which sucks. I don't like it, but it is something that comes up. And the last one, so the tenth thing that nobody tells you about being alcohol free is that the hard gets easier. And I want to be really specific about this because giving up booze, it gets easier. Like that actually sounds really easy, which feels like the kind of thing people say that sounds nice but means nothing without the detail. But in the early days, I reach for zero alcohol substitutes a lot. Not because I love the taste, like let's be honest, most of them are super average, but because I needed something in my hand that looked the part. Something that let me feel like I was still in the game while everyone around me was drinking. Now though, a zero shows up maybe once or twice a month, if that. You know, not as a substitute, more as like a choice. Because we actually know, my husband and I, we are, I mean, call us, get in contact if you want, but we actually know the brands of zero that are really good and the ones that are not. Like we know the zero prosecco that is delicious. We know the beers that don't taste like they've been watered down, and we know the wine that with no alcohol in is just honestly a plain no. Like they just stop it. They're just gross. But the shift nobody really talks about is you stop needing the thing that looked like alcohol when you stop needing to convince yourself you're okay without it. Like the craving isn't really for the drink, it's for belonging. And at some point you stop needing the prop to feel like you belong because you know that the choice that you made to ditch the booze and be hangover free and not pour ethanol into your bod, that's when you know you're actually alcohol free. And you are actually free. So even those 10 things that nobody tells you are real, right? They are absolutely real. Like coffee and walks are what you will mostly do with friends. Like just get used to it. People aren't as funny when you're sober. You'll sometimes think you're boring. You'll think about hungover people a lot. You'll question whether you're having any fun. You know, saying I don't drink will still feel uncomfortable. You realize no amount of ethanol is actually safe. Sober sex is way better than boozy banging. Um, you'll you'll start finding. I just laughed then because I actually just pictured my mom going, stop saying it again. Sober sex is way better than boozy banging. Um, you'll start finding people who drink a little bit weird and the hard gets easier. Like, please know that the hard gets easier. There were so many days throughout the last 1300 days where it has felt a little bit like, God, I wish I didn't know all this stuff. God, I Wish I just drank. I wish I didn't look into that a little bit more. But it does get easier and it is absolutely the best. And as a result, I'm no longer the girl who loves Riesling. I'm no longer the girl who you meet for a cocktail. I'm no longer the girl who loves cheese and wine nights. I'm no longer the girl who wants to go and check out the new bar that just opened. Like I'm no longer the girl who calls Ubers weekly, right? Like I'm just not. I'm the girl who doesn't drink. And when you only have one life, it's a question worth sitting with. And sure, like most big decisions, you could do a pros and cons list. And a lot of the cons I've talked about today, they'll be real for you too. Like I'm not going to pretend that they won't be. The social stuff is real. The awkward moments are real. The I might be boring now feeling is real. But here's what also is real. I love my life without Dan Murphy's. I am the world's cheapest date. I remember everything. Sunday mornings, I am insufferably smug and I have zero plans to stop being that ever. I don't miss the buzz. I sleep like an actual human being and I feel more aligned with the life that I want to live and the person I actually want to be than I ever did at the bottom of a bottle of Riesling. Even saying all that, I just got goosebumps. Like I'm not talking just on my arms. My legs, my whole body feels it because I absolutely love the life that I do, even though it's not always easy. It's not. And maybe the most important, like regardless of the friends that I don't see as much anymore, the relationships that have shifted, the people who still don't quite get it, I get it. And I am proud of myself for that. Genuinely, quietly, deeply, super bloody proud. Like 1,300 days of being in the minority, 1,300 days of feeling uncomfortable sometimes, 1300 days of questioning it and still being, this is the best life for me. That's saying something. Being in the minority isn't easy. Like let's not dress it up. But if it's in line with the life that you actually want, please go do it. Go be the soda and lime person. Go be the one who's annoyingly chipper at 7 a.m. on a Saturday whilst everyone else is suffering. And if people don't get it, that's on them, not you. Dry July is here. So if you are curious about it, jump on it. You know, 30 days. Give it, give it a crack. See what it'll be like. Hopefully you make it more than 24 hours like I did back in 2016. But I believe in you. I think if you've got this far in the episode, it is something that you have been curious in. Dry July, it is so normal from a social point. People are doing it. Give it a go. Or if you're listening to this at some other point in the year, give yourself just four weeks, starting from now, just four weeks. Still go to the parties, still go to the events, still socialize, still see all your friends, do all the things that you'd normally do. Just don't drink the ethanol. See what comes up, notice what shifts, feel all the weird feelings and don't run from them. And then DM me. Tell me how you're going because I will celebrate you all the bloody way. I hear from people so often who are thinking about giving up booze, who are feeling awkward about giving up booze. I am there in my DMs for all of it. You are not doing this on your own. I am totally backing you. Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate you. And if you think anyone would benefit from this episode, or you would simply just like to share it on your socials for others to get into their ears, tag me, Candace Harvey, and I would love to see your support. Thank you so much. Until next time, go have fun and shake things up.