Are you stuck on the merry-go-round of miscommunication in your relationships? Do you often find yourself caught up in the emotional storm of someone else's reaction? Join us, Noel and Lena, as we navigate these murky waters, discussing the life-changing principles of Don Miguel Ruiz's "The Fifth Agreement". We ponder the power of not taking other people's behaviors personally, dissecting how this philosophy impacts our relationships.
We take you on a nostalgic trip down memory lane, reliving the chaos and separation of our childhood. We unravel the impact of our shared yet diverging experiences, like when I packed a "get out" bag at the tender age of four. We tackle tough questions about our misunderstanding of each other's love and how it influenced our relationship.
We wrap up our enlightening discussion with the key to enhancing sibling relationships - authentic communication. We emphasize on deep listening, giving a voice to the other person's perspective, and having raw, honest conversations without assumptions. Finally, we extend our heartfelt gratitude to our listeners, inviting you to let go of the emotional baggage that may be straining your relationships. So, brace yourself for a journey of personal growth with us, and let's let that shift go, together!
Are you stuck on the merry-go-round of miscommunication in your relationships? Do you often find yourself caught up in the emotional storm of someone else's reaction? Join us, Noel and Lena, as we navigate these murky waters, discussing the life-changing principles of Don Miguel Ruiz's "The Fifth Agreement". We ponder the power of not taking other people's behaviors personally, dissecting how this philosophy impacts our relationships.
We take you on a nostalgic trip down memory lane, reliving the chaos and separation of our childhood. We unravel the impact of our shared yet diverging experiences, like when I packed a "get out" bag at the tender age of four. We tackle tough questions about our misunderstanding of each other's love and how it influenced our relationship.
We wrap up our enlightening discussion with the key to enhancing sibling relationships - authentic communication. We emphasize on deep listening, giving a voice to the other person's perspective, and having raw, honest conversations without assumptions. Finally, we extend our heartfelt gratitude to our listeners, inviting you to let go of the emotional baggage that may be straining your relationships. So, brace yourself for a journey of personal growth with us, and let's let that shift go, together!
Hello and welcome to the Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lena.
Speaker 1:And this is where we talk about the good, the bad and all the shifting between.
Speaker 2:We just talk mad shift.
Speaker 1:Let's get into it. And on this week's episode we're going to talk about not taking other people's shift personally and we're kind of going to touch a little bit about on the book, the fifth agreement originally the fourth agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz, and. But first let's get into these skin deep cards and see if we can get some vulnerability going.
Speaker 2:Oh great, I'll go first All right sounds good.
Speaker 1:What does this card have? Who sacrifices the most in our family?
Speaker 2:Sacrifices the most in our family. I think our mom sacrifices the most in our family now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she does so much for both of us and I think that part of it is just her own feeling of, in some way, atonement that the way that she perceives it and wanting to in her, in her own words, make up for so much that I feel like, yeah, she definitely sacrifices a lot to be able to give us time to do the things that we're doing and wanting to be there for us. So I don't know.
Speaker 1:my feeling is supporting us and all that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And she's constantly saying like you know, I want to do this for you. I know I wasn't there for you and it's not about that, but I can see it brings her a lot of joy to be able to, you know, feed that part of herself which we benefit from. So it's definitely a sacrifice that she makes for her time and to come out and help us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's awesome yeah.
Speaker 2:All right. Mine is what is preventing me from becoming the person I want to be?
Speaker 1:I think you are still really reactive to other people, and particularly Armando, when I watch you guys, even this weekend when we're traveling, you're so calm most of the time with other people, but I think somehow you're still very reactive in minor situations. That kind of throws you off balance. So I think, settling into yourself and just kind of trusting because I think one of the things I recognize also as Armando, he sets it up to be even worse because he's constantly scaring you. We don't know when to take you take him seriously and he's like boo, you know, like there's a snake or something. So anytime we're even just driving, if he's oh shit, we always are just reactive to him. So in a way it's part of your dynamic in the relationship and I don't think Armando recognizes that he's doing it. But it's not a great thing for you, I think.
Speaker 2:Personally, yeah, that's true, that's true, I think and I definitely let my guard down with him because we're constantly in interaction so I'm not always being mindful about oh, how should I respond to this so there is, and there is this feeling of like safety, like with you know, sometimes he's very distracted, so that's the story I have in my head and so it's like he's constantly distracted, so the story in my head is constantly distracted.
Speaker 2:So, every time I see an example of that, then, boom, I'm right into reaction. So that's definitely okay. Okay, I will accept that and take that in and see how I can. I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think part of it is, though, you're consciously trying to be aware of other people and recognize patterns, but somehow in that that's the one pattern in yourself that is just like you. Just you get to that instant reaction. You know what I mean. And I think part of it is just not taking things what like I don't know it's. There's something about, I think.
Speaker 2:Well, in relationship to like, those are our biggest teachers. Your relationship, your closest relationships are your biggest teachers, your biggest mirrors for all the places you're not free.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but how do you solve that? Like I just brought up something, but it's like well, how are you stuck there? And what's the?
Speaker 2:what's the the through, way through that I think the through way through. It is the story that I have in my head that he's constantly distracted. That's the story.
Speaker 1:Communicating would be better.
Speaker 2:It's really getting to. What is the story behind your reaction? So if I can get to that story that I'm telling myself about my safety, then right. So it goes. He's constantly reactive. That's a story. What is it triggering me Fear? What is the fear about? I'm not safe, why am I not safe? So I'm making myself right about not being safe. So there it is. There's this like excavation of-.
Speaker 1:But our partners are our triggers right. So he's constantly triggering you and testing you, like I watch it all the time he's like ah, and you're like fuck Mando, god damn, you know, you're like you know and I'm like man. And then I put to do the together this weekend when I was watching you guys just interact and I was like he's setting himself up for that and he's building this tension all the time and then when you're supposed to be calm, you can't be, because you don't have for no one to take him serious, because that's just the way he walks. But I think it's maybe your ability to just recognize that's what he is and just trusting, not taking it personal, maybe not-.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I have to you know what I have to go to the route which is I'm not safe.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because you're distracted. So there's, I have to go to the route.
Speaker 1:So the safety part, yeah, yeah, something to pull us around.
Speaker 2:He's just giving me an opportunity to feel it often. So thank you so much for this continued growth in the relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, all right, yeah, so let's get into this.
Speaker 2:Also nice to know you were watching me this weekend and how I'm reacted. But anyway, we can move on from that, hey listen, I pay attention.
Speaker 1:That's a good thing. So, with the fifth agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz, there are five agreements that we should make that he talks about. Yeah, that he talks about that are important, and the first one being impeccable with your word and only using your word for the highest good and basically in love and all that kind of stuff, so that just recognizing what you do and say affects other people. Very powerful.
Speaker 1:And being just really grounded in that right, and Armando could take that into effect when he's like, realizing what I'm doing is triggering my wife all the time and putting it through an unsafe You're not being impeccable with your word.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's not very helpful to your healing, I guess. The second one is don't take anything personal, and we're just. These are much deeper and much more complicated, but we just want to touch base on those as we kind of move through the arc of it. But don't take anything personal. That one's a hard one, because everything that people do to us really-.
Speaker 2:Feels we internalize and we feel like it's Feels personal, don't be done to us.
Speaker 1:But I really feel like this one in particular is touches on the movie and realizing that everybody's in their own dream movie and just seeing things through their viewpoint, their own lens. Yeah, and I did that for many years. I just I walked away, I walked and everybody just got to move with me or they're not with me.
Speaker 2:You're with me or without me, or you're against me.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And the third one is don't make any assumptions. That's a big one. You know what I mean. Assumptions is a mother of all fuck ups, I think.
Speaker 2:When you assume you make an ass out of you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, laziness is the mother of all invention and assumptions, the mother of all fuck ups. So, yeah, don't really assume what other people are thinking. And then that's when we start leaping to conclusions and we start getting into our own head about the stories and they're doing this and they're mad at me about that or whatever it may be. We just start spinning and spinning and spinning, and meanwhile we haven't even had a conversation with them, letting them know that we're triggered in some way. Yeah, and the fourth one is always do your best. And I think that one's important because if you're doing your best and you know, you feel authentically that you're doing your best, then you can really feel good about what you're doing.
Speaker 2:You can give yourself a break. Yeah, I did my best here. Yeah, some grace.
Speaker 1:It may not have been the best outcome, but it was the best I could do in the moment and the best, I knew how, but I know yeah, and so that's allowed me to have a lot of forgiveness for myself. It was like while I was living in survival, it was really difficult because I wasn't living amongst these agreements right.
Speaker 1:Even though I read the book probably 10 years ago, yeah, I didn't really fully grasp them until I walked into my awareness and was like these mean so much different now and kind of like us explaining this in a 30 minute podcast, it would be really really difficult to pull the threads on all of these because it means so much more to different people. Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, and the fifth one, which was added much later and became the most recent edition of his book, is be skeptical, but learn to listen.
Speaker 1:And I think that one's a good addition to it, because we do have to question sometimes like, is this good for me, where am I at? Because I think, if we set as something that came through for me today when I was meditating was like I feel constantly that my boundaries are broken because I'm allowing people to push through, and I feel like shit afterwards, like fuck man, why do I let people just walk all over me or push past where my boundaries are? And Kind of what I was thinking about during meditation was like maybe I need to develop a beginning, middle and end. So in other words, like right when I reach the threshold of that, make my boundary larger and with a little bit more cushion, not like a solid line, but a much fatter line, so that I can allow myself to recognize you know, something's happening and I'm being triggered. The rain technique, you know allow it, investigate it, nurture it and then deal with it. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, I think the one we really wanted to touch on that kind of encompasses all of the agreements, and something that we have talked about often and refer to often is the concept that he brings up of the movie theater. Yeah Right, so imagine you're at a mall and there are like six theaters and you go into one and that's your theater. So you view a situation, right, as you're the main character. So you're seeing it through all of your perception of what each character is bringing or saying or what they meant, with all of your assumptions about what the movie means. And that's your theater and you're the main character. So let's say that you could see one situation and be like, well, this is what it meant, right, but then you go into the other movie theater, and I was in Lena's. Now I'm going to go into Noel's movie theater, where Noel is the main character.
Speaker 1:Watching the same scene.
Speaker 2:Exactly the same scene, only it's a completely different movie because Noel is the main character now and it's going through what his assumptions and his perceptions are of the other characters in the movie, including me. I'm a secondary character now and so I get to see, like, what did Noel think of Lena? In his movie theater right, then you can go into the next one, that's our moms, the next one, that's our dads. Same exact scene, but a completely different movie, because now that person is the main character in the movie, yeah.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about that, because we had that with ourselves and we talk about a little bit, but we haven't really dove into kind of our whole story arc. I mean, we've talked about stories and some anecdotal things, but the movies that we were watching, we'll talk about a specific one where we didn't grow up in the same household, right, and we're brother and sister. We're the only siblings that are the same mom and dad out of 16, or whatever. Brothers and sisters in three marriages, but we are the ones that didn't live together and we lived together up until I was about two and you were four.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, we've gotten some questions about this from listeners, like what do you mean? How did you guys not, you know grow up in the same house and or whatever, but and we realized like we really didn't explain any of that. So this might be a good opportunity to give a little bit of more history about how are you brother and sister, your siblings now we're doing this podcast and we have that very deep relationship. But how did that happen and why wasn't it? You know, at all times, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think, using the movie theater of like, really thinking about like, noel and I, we were separated at, you know, four and two, and I went to live with my dad and Noel stayed with our mom and at that point our parents were getting divorced and it was a very messy, messy divorce and at the age of four, I had just had this feeling that I wasn't safe in the environment I was in. You know, it was very chaotic, there was a lot of partying going on, there was a lot of just really this feeling in my body that I'm not safe, I don't want to be here. And at one point, you know, in having to visit my dad on the weekends, I didn't want to go back to my mom's house and I had packed a bag I think maybe by this time I was five packed a bag with, I call it my get out bag, my go bag, and it had like a change of clothes and some snacks.
Speaker 1:You're four or five and you packed a runaway bag.
Speaker 2:Yeah, five or six. I had a runaway bag. I had it packed. I know exactly what the bag looks like right now. I can see it, had it on the back of my door and when my stepmom drove to the grocery store at night I had my dog and I had my bag and I said I would stay in the car Because back then people would leave their kids in the car all the time.
Speaker 2:It didn't even matter. It was so weird to think of now. And as soon as she went into the store I decided I was going to run away because I didn't want to go back, and walking the street with my dog seemed like a better option. So I did. I got out of the car, I ran away, started walking in the dark with my dog and the car and my bag out of the car, and they had to come find me, which I'm sure was very terrifying for them, and at that point I had to say I don't, I don't want to go back.
Speaker 1:Was it nighttime or daytime? It was nighttime. Five year old little girl at night yeah.
Speaker 2:Nighttime with my pink and white bag with a deer on it Also need to look up what the deer meant. But anyway, then I had to say I don't want to go back. And at that point they said you know, you have to tell your mom, because at that time kids didn't go live with their dad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that wasn't really, that was weird, that wasn't a thing. Yeah, yeah, even now.
Speaker 2:Even now, yeah, and so I had to say that I didn't want to go back and I had to tell my mom, which was really hard as a child because I didn't want to hurt my mom, but it was very strong in me.
Speaker 2:But from that point on I always felt like I had abandoned you, like I left my brother in a very unsafe situation and I had this guilt that I carried for decades that I had abandoned you. And that was my story, that was my movie was that you left your brother. You got out to be safe, but you left your brother in a very bad situation. So I carried that for a really, really long time. And it wasn't until we came together and you were at a point where you needed help, was finally able to ask me to step in and help you, that we were able to have this really deep conversation of like I'm so sorry that I left you. And until that moment I didn't realize that wasn't your movie, that was not your perception, that we were in entirely different movies, entirely different perceptions of reality, we had experienced our parents differently and that gave an opening for something deeper to arise.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you felt differently about mom than I, and I felt differently about dad.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we didn't even know it.
Speaker 2:No, no, yeah, totally different movies.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because from my perspective I mean, I was very young, so I didn't remember any of that. Of course, I do remember the chaos and feeling unsafe always, which is why I lived in survival my whole life, but I didn't know that you felt like you abandoned me.
Speaker 2:So but I'm not crying. You're crying, yeah big baby.
Speaker 1:But it brought up a lot of emotions when you told me that because I was finally at a point where, in midlife crisis, you know, this big wall of emotional intelligence to protect me from the things I could do at the time or handle, we're finally ready to be taken down. And so I feel like now this whole you know awareness is taking those bricks of that wall, one by one, and repurposing them into a table for you to sit at, for a Mando to sit at, to really know who I am. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And when you told me that, I was like wow, because I did feel like it was unfair, Like why, why isn't she with me? Why is she, you know, with my dad and how come I'm the only one here? But I really wanted to stay to protect mom. And I seen, I just kind of settled like, well, this is how it's going to be. I don't know what age I was at I think I was probably five or six and I was like, well, this is just how it's going to be. Lena's there, I'm here and my job is to protect mom.
Speaker 1:You know, and I never knew you felt abandoned. But every time you came over, you know, I was like this is not a safe place, because I think it got worse after you left. And I was just, I don't know, I just wanted you to leave and I think you didn't understand that I was being this bratty little kid with, like you know, not wanting. We just didn't get along. We always fought and it was, I think, because we loved each other, but we just, I don't know, we just misunderstood each other.
Speaker 2:We had totally different stories.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:About what it was.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so when you told me that it was like you know, you were able, I was able to break down a little of that wall and provide a seat for you to sit at my table and, man, I was so powerful because even now it brings up so emotions, so much emotion, because it really was just an understanding. I didn't really need to take that personal right. I made an assumption that I wasn't a good enough brother. You preferred the other brothers and sisters and, yeah, it was just an opportunity for me to understand your movie. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it gave me so much compassion and didn't really heal the big part of me.
Speaker 2:It created an opening. Yeah, it created an opening for us. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think it was such a big healing moment to become closer and to really understand each other deeper and to build a whole new lane of trust and compassion between each other. And I'm so grateful that you know I'm not grateful that there was a time that there was such a breaking point in you that you needed help, but at the same time, I'm so grateful for it because it opened up a lane for us to be closer and to be doing this and to be helping each other and helping other people and finding such purpose and value in that, and a lot of these books and tools that we've read over many, many years ago become even more relevant and more special you know, yeah, so it's, and you know, what I see is like the importance for other people to have this opportunity to be able to ask these questions.
Speaker 2:You know, especially between brothers and sisters or close friends or family, that perhaps you're in different movie theaters, perhaps you've viewed the same situation in a very different way, and just being able to open up that that's a possibility.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because when you do open up to that possibility, there may be an opening for a deepening of a relationship, more understanding, less assuming, you know, and be able to build something new, maybe even sit in the same theater, you know, and be able to have both of you as a main character and share that experience.
Speaker 1:Well, now I feel like we sit in the same theater sometimes and we eat popcorn together and just laugh at the same movie, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or it's say hey, what did you think about that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but there were so many missed opportunities early on in our relationship that you know that was a barrier that I didn't know was really there because I never spoke on it, so I never even gave you the opportunity to speak. We never gave each other, I think. Yeah. The opportunity, because it was a shame and guilt and all those things that hold us back from kind of walking in our authentic self.
Speaker 2:So yeah, and I think you take for granted what the relationship is, especially with siblings. Like you're just, you have a story of them from when you're little and you experience the same parents differently.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Your parents in different stages, when they've had you or your other, your sibling, and so it's a different relationship, it's a different dynamic, and not to assume what their relationship was or what their experience was, but to ask yeah. You know like just simply having a conversation and having deep listening. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's another thing I would love to touch on even with deep listening. So if you are, you know, maybe thinking like, hey, perhaps I should have this conversation with someone who's close to me about what their experience was. And another tool that we've learned is about deep listening, and a way to do that is to, you know, ask the question right and allow that person to say what it is that they're saying and really taking yourself out of the reaction mode or like already building what is your response to what they're saying. Yeah, we do that so often. We do it Like it's we listen to respond, and that's it's not the best way to listen.
Speaker 1:You know there is yeah, listening with the intent to repeat back to them in a summary of what they said, so that they feel heard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, listening to understand, yeah, Right. And so, for example, if I were to say to you, like Noel, I had, my experience was that I abandoned you and that I felt this and that you know, I thought that I was a bad sister because I kept myself safe and yet left this child, my brother, the person I was closest to, in a bad situation and what that meant to me, about me, yeah.
Speaker 2:And for you to receive that and to say to me what I hear you say is that you thought that you had left me in a very bad situation and your whole life you've felt guilty and in some way needed to make up for that, and so you know whatever it is, and then say is that right? Is that what I? Is that what you said?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, and then for me to be able to say yes or no. That's not what I said, that's not what I meant, and let me explain further and then, from there, not to leave it at that, but to ask a deepening question. What I wanna know is why did you feel that way? Or what I wanna know is whatever, whatever the question is that comes up for you and allow me to be seen and heard, which is what we all want, right?
Speaker 1:That's where the healing is.
Speaker 2:We all want to be seen and heard from our own perspective and to have it understood and received, and then to do it the other way. Okay, now tell me what your experience was.
Speaker 1:And reciprocation of the listening, de-listening.
Speaker 2:And what I hear you say is that you wanted me to be safe and didn't know why it was even coming back, you know, and how you thought that I preferred other brothers and sisters over you, and that just like crushes me, and to be able to hear that and say, oh my gosh, this is what you felt and I wanna know more.
Speaker 2:I wanna know a deepening part of that, Because it just builds this whole new lane of understanding and to be able to practice. That is just. It's really powerful. It's really, really powerful. I think that it's built this bridge for what we're doing and it's built this bridge for deepening conversations right, Cause that's just one conversation about one aspect.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there are so many. One tiny one, yeah, and we've been moving through those movies.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh you know, and I really I mean encourage, cause, like you said, if there's people out there that you just have things, you maybe don't even know that you have things, cause I wasn't aware of that when I knew of the hurts that I held, but I don't know if I was able to articulate them or even touch into like what it does, cause even today it brought up so much emotion. But I think, finding your truth, being impeccable with your word, don't take anything personal right, don't make assumptions that you left me for this reason, and always do your best, because I did the best I could at the time and you did the best that you could at the time and I trust that you know, and be skeptical, but learn to listen.
Speaker 1:you know, and I think I didn't get to that fifth one until we actually sat down yeah, cause I had to become skeptical to start making an opening for me to pull at those threads. And that was actually the first thread that we pulled, which is why we kind of started at this part, because that led to so much more. Because once I pulled that and opened, it was a flood gate, just like today. You know what I mean. It just opens in your hearts, just right there. So, yeah, I think it's really important if you're out of place, where you're at an impasse and trying to find some self-awareness and walk into your authentic self and just being who you really are and stop putting on masks to please everybody else.
Speaker 2:Stop wearing your ambassador everywhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it makes it easier to walk. You know, I don't have to pretend to be this person for eight to 12 hours during work and then come home and give the shittiest part to my kids and my wife. I can, if I'm not using that emotional energy, you know, to stay fake. Yeah. And just be authentic all the time.
Speaker 2:It's so much easier to nap, yeah to want to have deeper relationships, especially with people that you love or you're close to. Like the sibling relationship is such a beautiful opportunity to grow.
Speaker 2:There's a reason that you're in family together that you came into this incarnation and chose this soul, family, and so if there's an opportunity to be able to deepen those relationships and just ask what was your experience, don't assume what their experience was, don't assume how they feel about you without asking, without allowing them the opportunity to say, to express, because there's such a beautiful opportunity, I mean there was. You know, we were, we were at Arcadia this weekend and just were able to hear so many stories of families and people moving through transition to be more authentically themselves.
Speaker 2:And there was a number of times, you know, when we talked about how we're siblings and we're doing this podcast and we're working, you know, with people to provide an opportunity for coming into awareness that they I would hear these stories of like, yeah, I'm my sister.
Speaker 2:You know, I just can't even have a conversation with her Then and it's like, oh, it's such a wealth of opportunity to move into a deeper relationship with someone who has so much of your history, you know, and what it takes is just an opening.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it just takes asking a question what was your experience?
Speaker 2:And really take yourself out of the reactive mode of wanting to respond but just listening and maybe, if you can do that first, that you provide the opportunity first to allow them to be deeply seen and heard, it builds a bridge for maybe you to be able to be received in the same way and it can build a bridge to a deeper relationship with someone you've known your whole life, you know, or just even in friendships, or with your mom or with your dad, like, what was your experience? Because that conversation between us led to so many deeper conversations with our mom and led to a healing opportunity for her and for us in that same way. It's just, it's an exchange. You know, when you see someone you're close to find healing and find this oh gosh, this heart opening of being able to be seen and heard, then it provides something for you as well and maybe, if you're listening to this, like maybe it's your opportunity to take that first step and just say what was your experience, you know, and explain the movie theater.
Speaker 2:Like I've been in my movie theater and I'm the main character and I'm watching the same scene of Thanksgiving 1986. And this is what was happening for me, what was happening for you. You know, in that experience and you'll find there's a crack that comes in, because that crack opens, the light opens, for the light to get in and maybe there's an opportunity for growth and for healing for both of you for all of you, because that one opening for you and I opened it up for our mom opens it up for the rest of the people in our family.
Speaker 2:And now you know when people come over or we have family gatherings, you know we're doing. We're playing skin deep cards, yeah, and they're like what? We're not just gonna drink beer and watch football or like talk about like how work is, cause I don't give a shit about how work is Like. I want to know about you and I want to know the deeper parts of you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'd like you to sit at my table.
Speaker 2:Like you, sit at my table. Yeah, take some down. Take down some of these bricks and build the table, these walls.
Speaker 1:It takes time.
Speaker 1:I mean it's not easy to do, you know to to be vulnerable and Ask. Yeah, it's, it was so hard, but for me I was out at impasse. So, yeah, and you actually opened first, which allowed me, just like he said Once I felt like that's what you felt, holy shit, so different, because I didn't realize that at all and we've been together our whole lives. You know what I mean and I don't think we had a bad relationship Relationship, at least as an adult. We had really good relationship as adults. We love and care about each other and we see each other on holidays and our kids love each other. All those things are very close to your kids. So it wasn't about a lack of love between us or it wasn't something I was even perceptible. It was pretty. It wasn't even perceptible to me.
Speaker 1:No because I hadn't met myself at that level. I haven't went that deep, I didn't. I still had those walls up. So you know, I encourage people to be curious and yeah to to Expand and and just be compassionate, because other people are experiencing things in different ways and it's not exactly the way you are. Yeah, and they may take it personally because of their own stories. Yeah and you have to find a way to be compassionate, to see it from their side, in order for you to not take it personal. Yeah right and.
Speaker 2:Nothing is personal. Yeah, nothing is personal.
Speaker 1:No, no, it's not until we realize that that's the part. So, yeah, we encourage you to read this book by Don Miguel Ruiz. The latest edition is the fifth agreement. It's really powerful and maybe this is helps you to understand me and my sister a little bit more. Yeah, we get a lot of questions about like I don't really you guys are brother and sister, but you know how did you not grow up in the same house and why?
Speaker 2:yeah, Well how are you close now and you know there's so much to it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, this journey is going to continue to open both of us Mm-hmm. And I think the biggest part of wanting to do this podcast was just really realizing the possibility of a relationship with the sibling, for it to go so much deeper, no matter where you're at, yeah, and sometimes it just takes one person to take a step to into vulnerability, to say this is how I viewed it, or here's a practice that maybe we could try, no matter where you're at, you know, is to just sometimes you have to be the first one to take a step. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And you never know where that could lead. And even if it lead led to somewhere you didn't expect or you didn't want, at least you know you tried yeah, you know, you did your best. Yeah, you do your best always do your best. That's the fourth one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, so check us out, send us any messages, let us know what you think about this podcast. Please share and subscribe to our channel. And thanks a lot for everybody for listening yeah thank you. All right, that's been another episode of let that shift go podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm Noel and I'm Lena, let us know what your questions are and we'd love to use them on a future episode. Or check us out on insta at let that shift go, or visit our website, serenitycovetomeculacom.