Can you break free from the invisible chains of drama addiction? That's the tough question we're wrestling with on today's episode of Let That Shift Go! With the wisdom of Scott Lyons' book 'Addicted to Drama' as our guide, we embark on an introspective journey, probing and challenging our own experiences and the role drama plays in our lives.
We discuss the seductive allure of drama and how it hooks us, delving into the science behind this affection for intensity. We explore how this quest for excitement often serves as a distraction, a way to avoid sitting with our own internal struggles. We share our personal revelations of how drama manifests in our lives, from overscheduling to being the constant center of attention. But we don't stop at identifying the problem. We offer insights and practical tips on how to break the cycle and effect meaningful changes in your life.
We wrap up the episode with an intense discussion on managing chaos addiction. How do we recognize when we're revving ourselves up? How can we be proactive in solving our problems without escalating them into sources of drama and chaos? This episode isn’t just about understanding drama addiction, it's about learning to recognize our patterns, taking the wheel, and steering our lives towards healthier habits and relationships. Join us in breaking free from the chains of drama addiction.
Can you break free from the invisible chains of drama addiction? That's the tough question we're wrestling with on today's episode of Let That Shift Go! With the wisdom of Scott Lyons' book 'Addicted to Drama' as our guide, we embark on an introspective journey, probing and challenging our own experiences and the role drama plays in our lives.
We discuss the seductive allure of drama and how it hooks us, delving into the science behind this affection for intensity. We explore how this quest for excitement often serves as a distraction, a way to avoid sitting with our own internal struggles. We share our personal revelations of how drama manifests in our lives, from overscheduling to being the constant center of attention. But we don't stop at identifying the problem. We offer insights and practical tips on how to break the cycle and effect meaningful changes in your life.
We wrap up the episode with an intense discussion on managing chaos addiction. How do we recognize when we're revving ourselves up? How can we be proactive in solving our problems without escalating them into sources of drama and chaos? This episode isn’t just about understanding drama addiction, it's about learning to recognize our patterns, taking the wheel, and steering our lives towards healthier habits and relationships. Join us in breaking free from the chains of drama addiction.
Hello and welcome to the Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lena.
Speaker 1:And this is where we talk about the good, the bad and all the shift in between.
Speaker 2:We just talk mad shift. Let's get into it.
Speaker 3:And on today's episode we're going to talk about a book by Scott Lyons. It's a book called Addicted to Drama and there's a lot of good nuggets in there. But first let's dive into these skin deep cards. You want to go first this week.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm afraid. What's one experience you think I need to have, and why?
Speaker 3:Oh shit, what is one experience you think you need to have? I think you really need to have a full fuck. Yes, birthday party for yourself. Okay, I know you're looking for something deep. I'm like, oh no, but yeah, I think this last year you kind of opened the door to it.
Speaker 2:And then I skated around it.
Speaker 3:So you're not really fully, you haven't really fully expressed that emotion. I don't think yeah.
Speaker 2:I make a lot of excuses Okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so celebrating yourself a little bit more, I think.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just getting to be okay with being the center of attention in the situation like that because it brings it does. It brings up a lot of like old stories of Because of the strawberry shortcake incident we talked about before. Yeah, yeah, disappointment and what it means, and responsible for the people's feelings, and blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and just celebrate for just you, and I think that's a lot of this like inner work. We don't realize that we're doing it. We really think that we're doing it for ourselves, but just in the same way that a birthday party, we think we're doing it for ourselves.
Speaker 4:But at the end of the day we're like I hope everybody had a good time.
Speaker 3:I hope, everybody, you know was entertained and wasn't bored at my birthday party.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't like see it as a stress thing instead of like an opportunity to celebrate and walk away and be like oh, I had a good time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm so happy they came kind of yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think the best for me is not looking at it as like a big responsibility and an opportunity to disappoint or be stressed, and instead look at it like wow, this is an opportunity for me to like have fun and celebrate and write a new story. So yeah, that's thank you for that.
Speaker 3:My question is how do you know when I'm struggling?
Speaker 2:Oh, I literally can feel it like your. Your face changes Like I can. There's like something going on behind the eyes, where part of you is somewhere else processing something, and then part of you is there. Your voice changes Really. The lift in your voice is different. Yeah, it's, it's very subtle, but I can feel it.
Speaker 3:This is why I don't play poker with you.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, yeah, that's true.
Speaker 3:No, but I get when you're saying all those things, I'm almost feeling like accused. Oh yeah, I mean not in a bad way, I guess in a bad way and in my own inner workings, when you're saying I'm going, I do do that. Yes. I do, but I'm unaware you know that of my tells, I think.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Cause you're, you're in it. Whatever is going on, you're in it. So you know that's where like a percentage of it is, and it's not a bad or a good thing, it's just that's how I know.
Speaker 3:Well, it's super helpful because right now I told you how I'm trying to make the line for my boundaries pretty fat in terms of, like, beginning, middle and end, and at least this way, if I can tune into those things that my triggers, that I don't even know about, oh, am I doing this? Is my voice changed, right? Yeah, is it the way that I'm? Am I processing? Am I not fully present? Yeah, I mean those are like boom. There it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's like because you have deep presence when you're in it and like you're. You're kind of like vibrating at your highest you know. And then there's like a, it's like the song changes and it's like ah, there's something very subtle that's different, and it's just like, yeah, resonance dissonance you know, yeah, kind of thing.
Speaker 2:And I think, just knowing you, you know deeper and deeper and not, and not just like overlooking what's happening or thinking, oh it's about me, like what most of us do, you know, it's just like something's happening when they're you know what that is.
Speaker 3:And I think you do that with everybody. Now, though, that's the problem, and I don't necessarily think it's me, yeah, so let's get into this book by Scott Lyons, addicted to Drama, and I just like to say when I was reading this book, I really didn't have an idea. I think it was recommended. Of course, I saw a podcast. Who is it? He was on a podcast with Mel.
Speaker 2:Mel.
Speaker 3:Robbins. Yeah, and I was like whoa, there's something here. This guy's talking about some stuff and I didn't really know what, and if you've ever, you know everybody says this thing like In your group of friends there's always that guy or girl. Or girl, yeah, exactly, or that person we should say right. And I really started to think who is that person? And I couldn't pinpoint it until it came back to me and I was like wow, you know, I'm the one who's addicted to drama.
Speaker 3:And the more and more I read this book, I was like, oh you know, when people ask me, well, why does the craziest shit always happen to you? Ah, here's your sign. You know I'm addicted to drama and the more and more I read this I was like, wow and learning. We spoke a little bit earlier about, or on a different podcast, about how I used to really listen to true cramp podcast and a lot of things that had a lot of drama and I really thought, well, I can't listen to that stuff anymore because it's influencing the way I think and I feel and all that stuff. And that is true. But the science behind it was kind of brought forward to me in this book.
Speaker 3:Yeah, tell me more about the science behind it, because, Well, what's weird is I really have a hard time sitting still with myself, right, that's the obvious one that I've been saying, but you don't really know how that affects you fully, and so really being uncomfortable with sitting in the silence, because that will allow you to self-reflect and see what's going on within just without any other external distractions.
Speaker 3:Right Stimulus, and so I was just constantly listening to things like that because I thought, oh, it's things that are worse than what happened to me. However, in this book, they have a very cool way of kind of putting it, which was like what if you're addicted to the feelings? Of the drama that it stirs up because those are familiar and I was like wait a minute, because they do bring up those same feelings.
Speaker 2:Like intensity Overwhelming.
Speaker 3:And because we talked about it in the previous podcast, I come home and I bring home whatever is in that feeling into my home and it's just this podcast. But realizing that they do really stir something deep in me and I want them to is the craziest part, because it's familiar and it gives me something to control and to work on. Mr Problem Solver, noel is going to take control and try to problem solve this. Thank you for giving me another task so I don't have to look at me.
Speaker 2:Like you go up in intensity to stay in that kind of frequency and stay away from stillness, and because then you would have to be forced to sort of be with yourself and deal with my own.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because it's a distraction. I think somewhere in there we're talking about like the drama queen which hello, my name's Noel and I'm a drama queen. My son would love that he can record that. Keep that hidden. But yeah, it is really something that I started to look at. With every, each one of these scenarios in my life, I was like, wow, there are different things that happen and they could have went a different way had I not been so addicted to the drama of things.
Speaker 2:Like to amplify the intensity was actually something that was probably normal for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I did that with everything, though I mean I amplified everything and get into that victim state and that's so comfortable to kind of get into.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I got familiar.
Speaker 3:It really reminded me of this anecdote about when my mountain bike was stolen.
Speaker 2:Oh, here we go.
Speaker 3:And I ride that mountain bike three days a week. It's my meditation. Before I've gotten to this place. It was where I found that was my breath work, climbing at the top of those hills and getting peace and breathing hard and all that stuff. And so my mountain bike was stolen out of the garage and I saw it all on video because we have these cameras that watch all the people going in and out. And three in the morning I see a guy leave with two of my really nice mountain bike and electric bike. And so I was devastated, to say the least, and I went through my garage and looked to try to find everything else that was missing and all that stuff. But what it came down to was calling the police, getting a police report, all these things talking to an investigator, and I created a drama, calling other people Right. I called Robert, I called Ralph, I called everybody I knew like hey.
Speaker 3:I need help. We're going to get this done. How do I get my bike back?
Speaker 2:Recruiting you're drama.
Speaker 3:Into this drama and so I just developed this network. Okay, guys, this is a highly functioning. I didn't know this at the time, but I created this whole thing. We're going to look for this guy. We're going to catfish on everything Craigslist, Pinkbike, all these places where they post things and we found it. And so much so that even Ellen, my wife, was like Noel, I know you Make sure the police are involved and don't go try to do it yourself, which I was going to try to do fully. So I listened to her, got the police involved and they ended up telling me sorry, there's not much we can do because we don't have all these legal things and we can't prove it's your bike, and even though you see all these things. And I was like, okay, Taking matters into my own hands.
Speaker 3:So, noel, what did he do? Did he just let that ride? And you have enough money, you can go buy another mountain bike, you can just take it as a lot Put it on your insurance.
Speaker 3:Yeah, put it on my insurance Exactly. Nope, noel's not going to let anybody get over on him. So, anyways, I went through catfish, got a model on the line, scheduled the whole thing to meet, and my brother-in-law is also a police officer now but one of his best friends got us, you know, just like, hey, we'll help, kind of just keep the peace kind of a thing. Well, let's just say, that day came and it was not a peaceful thing, and at the end of the day the guy ran, there was police there, but everything just went sideways and the guy ended up running in the car and totaled four other cars.
Speaker 3:I was in a car behind him because I thought he was trying to get away and somehow, by the grace God, I just told myself do not get into a high speed chase with this guy. And so I kind of just stopped where I was once he started hitting cars and spinning everybody out. And then he pinned himself where he was stuck at a stoplight because he was trying to push between two cars and literally his car was on three wheels. He gets out and starts running. What does Noel do? Does he let the cops handle it? Nope, I get out the car and I run him down and I chase him and tackle him on top of the train tracks, by myself wrestling him, getting him pinned, and four minutes later because I had a GoPro on me, of course, mr Drama Queen.
Speaker 2:Oh boy, you have to yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the cops come, the guns are out and everything, and we got the guy, got my bike back, all these things, found out this guy, it was a part of a whole big theft ring and, oh, noel, stop this theft ring. That was happening in my area.
Speaker 2:You got to be the king of drama, I got to be the king of drama.
Speaker 3:Okay, so now, two, three years later, I would not do that anymore. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Why.
Speaker 3:Well, I realized that I one, I put a lot of other people into my drama network and that didn't need to happen. Right, it was what's the? The value was six grand, seven grand, something like that. I can, it's not easy, I mean, yeah, it's a lot of money, but it wasn't worth what I was risking. That's the big point of it. Right, something could have happened to me. Even the police was like that's highly unusual for the victim to go after the perp and well, you know, good job, but don't do that again. That's the kind of thing. That's, that was kind of the whole thing. Even in court and telling the story, everybody was like what the hell is this? And I was thinking to myself man, I really do create each one of these situations and amplify it to the next level because I'm addicted to what the drama and controlling the outcome and all of that.
Speaker 2:And at that time you were not on the path of wanting to look at yourself.
Speaker 3:No no. And I was super angry and you know what? I was not the greatest of teenagers or young men.
Speaker 3:And I had a lot of things that I was dealing with when I was young and I looked at a lot of things like this is just karma. Coming back, you know what I mean. And so really stepping back from that and looking at that situation, I realized, yeah, all these crazy situations happen to you because you put yourself in victim, you pull more people into your drama, amplify the situation and create a whole scenario. That's what was the quotes like blowing out a birthday cake with a fire hose.
Speaker 2:Blowing out a birthday cake candle with a fire hose.
Speaker 3:And only the way that Noel could and that definitely does kind of rate with that. Yeah, and it really did build up my ego. People felt sorry for me on Instagram, facebook and all those things and were like we'll help you and I got this sense of it filled all the things for me.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, you got victim. You got like organizer, you know networker, and then you got hero All in one swoop.
Speaker 3:So yeah Well but then, you know, pull it back a year or something later when I'm watching this dude, you know walk into the courtroom and I'm the witness and he's in cuffs and an orange suit, and looking at that going man. You know what that person was just in a really bad place in his life Cause since then I found out, you know he was on methamphetamines at the time. He's never had a violent crime. He's just trying to steal and survive. Yeah, does that give him an excuse? No, but listen, I get it. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And is jail what this guy needs? No, yeah, so all of those things. It's like man, this individual, this young man, needs to be empowered, needs to find himself, all these things. But I'm not saying I did a bad thing, but it could have been better, it could have been a different outcome, and that's where I kind of realize I'm the drama queen, so yeah, so there's many other different situations that come up and that was just a real big one that came up and that everybody asked me tell this story, tell the story. And it's like I'm really there's a lot of shame behind it now, because I realized I could have walked different on that and it's cool and it has all these things, and I got my bike back and all these things, but I don't even really ride that bike anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it wasn't about the bike, necessarily. No. What are some of the other, like signs or symptoms that somebody is addicted to drama, because to me it's like what do you mean addicted drama?
Speaker 2:Oh, I kind of think about, like I know, people that are constantly gossiping, or whatever, and it seems like that, seems like an addiction to drama because I constantly want to stir things up. But just thinking about physiologically I liked that when listening to the podcast or reading through some of the book is actually a physiological response to why we do this. I mean, there's different ways we do it, like gossiping or victimizing yourself, or constantly making a situation like the reaction is just incongruent with what's happening and pulling people into that, like for sure. But there is actually a physiological thing that's happening in the body and I think that's the thing that really interests me is like this ramping up of the nervous system, you know, into this constant revving. I remember them talking about you're always revved.
Speaker 2:You're ready to go, you're always revving, and so you're looking for the next thing to rev up to you because it keeps you above the level of feeling these lower vibration. You know emotions, Because if you did feel them, then you might have to do something about them, yeah.
Speaker 2:Getting to the source yeah it's like an avoidant way of dealing with your own stuff, like you don't want to sit in the silence of what's going on with you. It's much easier to just rev constantly, keep your engine like what in, like second gear going 40, and then jump to the thing that excites you.
Speaker 3:I wonder if it's because, you know, I was always the character that was afraid to ask for help, right, like not afraid, but I felt, I don't know, like it's weak, like it's weak, yeah, and so doing it in this way is kind of like asking, like begging for help and giving me maybe.
Speaker 3:I feel, like if I asked for help for the normal stuff that my everyday hurts. It wouldn't be worthy for somebody to help me, but because there's this big, fantastic somebody. Stole something from me, please everybody circle around wrap up and can come help me, and I need this feeling of like, please help me. And this is everybody kind of coming together to support me and help me, and I feel needed, unwanted, in the weirdest way. What if it's that?
Speaker 2:That's I like, that. That's totally possible, Makes sense, that makes sense.
Speaker 3:Well, that's what I, and then I started to pull like different stories apart and I'm going yeah, you know like those books when we were a kid that had different you can depending on which chapter you took you got to choose your about, Choose your own adventure stories. It was like yeah, ghost stories or something like that, where you could just pick different ways. I kind of feel like it's I could have went different ways.
Speaker 2:But were you always choosing the one that was like more risky?
Speaker 3:I think those books were like low key.
Speaker 2:Training.
Speaker 3:Quizzes to figure out if your kids got ADHD or he's got. You know all these things Like? What choices is he making?
Speaker 2:Are they a drama?
Speaker 3:Is he checking the drama response? You know? So yeah.
Speaker 2:Cause, like, the opposite of that response would have been, you know, with the bike would have been like, yeah, I don't want anything to do with that. Like it's a bike, I can, you know, make it up somehow. That will cost me a lot emotionally, you know, time-wise. And it's. I have no desire to be a part of that. But there what? That wasn't the response. The response was I have a desire to be a part of that. Well, and make this different and do this.
Speaker 3:I didn't feel like that. The feeling was nobody's going to get over on me.
Speaker 2:You're not going to steal something from me, that's mine.
Speaker 3:I worked hard for everything I've got and not one person is going to take a dime of what I got. And then you have to realize it's just giving.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, at what, at some point and that's a very old story too, you know. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I mean you may stop on the street and you see somebody who's homeless and asking for money, and sometimes we sit and go. Is this person really worthy of it? Yeah, I mean I. I mean that's a real question. Yeah. Because you see so many new stories about these people just go back into the Mercedes and they have families and they're fine and here we are working. So we question you know is this person worth it. Yeah. You know, but I think we all battle with that same sign for help, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, am I worth it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, homeless need work, whatever Like. We should all hold these signs on Instagram. Like you know, drama queen need your attention.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's me, I'm not talking about anybody Make a deposit here.
Speaker 3:Please deposit here. Go fund my you know addiction to drama here.
Speaker 2:Go fund my. I think there's a lot of that on social media.
Speaker 3:There is, I think you know, but you know it's all. There's for different reasons. It's you know it has its purpose and we use it for you know.
Speaker 2:What was your takeaway? You know, in reading like, like, okay, one is awareness. Oh, I am that too. Like I'll bet you didn't think that that you would be the one that would say oh yeah, I'm addicted to drama. When you start breaking it down to like what are you watching, what are you reading, what are you constantly like getting involved in that it? And you can like check in with yourself, like, ooh, this feels good when it ain't you know, you know what's not good, you recognize that maybe there is this addiction to revving up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, so let's, if you didn't, you didn't call it addiction to drama. There's an addiction to having everything kind of revved up in intensity. So what is that about?
Speaker 3:Keeping your schedule fully busy fully booked overloaded, overwhelmed, all the time.
Speaker 2:You know what? Yes, here I'm raising my hand because when I read that I was like oh, there is a part of me that feels like if you're not stressed, you're not productive. So it's like one. I know that's not true, but I believe it in a weird, really deep way, and so I will keep myself constantly busy and then be exhausted and ask why am I doing this to myself? Well, I feel like it's not, it's a pattern. It's an unrecognized pattern of constantly like over-scheduling, so that you can be like, yeah, I just don't have time, I'm busy, and it's true, but I make my own schedule.
Speaker 3:But we also don't want to be unbusy. And when people don't show up to an event or our schedules aren't booked.
Speaker 2:Yeah, then it does. Oh, my worthiness is kicking in. Oh, now I get to go deal with my unworthiness.
Speaker 3:I'd rather be in a place where I'm canceling people and I'm too busy and be chaotic rather than yeah, I don't want to look at my feelings of unworthiness or not enoughness.
Speaker 2:They don't understand.
Speaker 3:I just got a lot of stuff going on and I've got all these events and these people. They just got to sit and they don't know what my schedule is really like.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, I think that's something, definitely that I was like why do I make my schedule like this? And then wonder why I feel this way.
Speaker 3:I do the same at work. Yeah, I set my days up and I I'm not chasing guys down on bikes but it's different for everybody, it's like little nuances.
Speaker 2:I think I was able to notice that because I did stop like watching things that kind of rev me up, because I could kind of feel, when you get a little bit, you're going into like somatic work and meditation and really kind of being able to feel your own field, your own energy and you can notice when something like jolt to you or throws you off. And so that just came in the form of not wanting to watch the news, not really be on social media unless it's curated in a way that's just specific to really kind of positive things. You know even certain music or people, right.
Speaker 2:So, that was like the obvious things that I could be like yeah, those don't feel good to me, so I don't want to be in that. But I didn't realize that I still had this revving up symptom, really, when it came to my you know own feelings of productiveness and value and things like that, that I had to stay busy Like that's actually an old thing too. That's not. None of those things are true, but I'm making them true and it's actually causing me stress.
Speaker 3:So yeah, but I think in today's society worse. This is the way that we're all going. You know, we're constantly engaged. We can buy anything and have it now, instantaneously.
Speaker 2:It's like the Jetsons.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm it is, and so we're constantly in our phones answering messages. Now we've got it on our watch and we're checking our messages on our watch, even if we don't have our phones on us, so we're constantly engaged and stimulated, which never creates room for the stillness. Yeah. And so what changed for me in this last year? I was finally able to sit still. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And that was because of breathwork, right? So once I started to sit, still then I was like, oh man, I'm looking for all these problems to solve for everybody else, but the core issue is just within myself. I've been, you know, avoiding this entire time, yeah, and so now I just really find that as opportunities to go all right, let's not be the victim here and let's solve it ourselves. Because even with little things, even with my wife, it's like there's things that I could do on my own calling customer service or returning something that I'm just not comfortable with, but I would rather ask her to do it because she's better at it. I say, right, mm-hmm, and just little things of just creating ways for her to help me instead of taking control for myself and going.
Speaker 3:I'm a big boy, yeah, this is time to kind of start doing these things. Yeah, you know what I mean. But we sit in comfort and instead of correcting these small ways which we feel inadequate and those are little things that I say, ah, it's an inadequacy and I like that. I need somebody to help me do that, because it helps me to know people care and do it. But there's healthier ways to do that, right, yeah? Yeah.
Speaker 3:And realizing the dynamic of all of that. Like thinking initially, even before I read this book, it was like oh man, I said listen to all these, all these podcasts and drama and true crime things, because I just wanted to make sure that or not make sure, but just know that there was worse shit that happened to other people than me and I think that was partly true.
Speaker 2:Yeah. But really it looks like it meets you where you are. Mm-hmm, you know, if your nervous system is already kind of chaotic, then it. You know, it probably feels pretty good to listen or do something. That also is a bit chaotic because it kind of meets you in the Resonance because you're already read in the dissonance that you are. You already revved up, so even doing something that feels all less you know, it's a little bit more quiet, there's a little bit more space for thought might feel like whoa, what's going on here?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so what could you do when you're feeling revved? What are the? What are, what are ways that we can kind of recognize that we're revving ourselves? And, and just you know, I think the rain method is probably helpful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think. Well, you know, the thing I was go back to is what are you feeling in your body and and, but first finding a foundation or baseline of where you can notice what's actually happening.
Speaker 2:You know just in the day, yeah yeah, this a daily meditation practice and then, you know, just finding a little bit stillness, even if it's like five minutes, it's just checking in with yourself, checking in with your breath, checking in with your body. What am I feeling? Okay, what are the thoughts going on? I'm not my thoughts, okay, like it's just kind of finding a new way to Regulate your nervous system so you can notice when it starts to rev.
Speaker 2:Hmm and then starting to ask the question. Or if you start to go into these dramatic scenes, or you're gossiping or you're you know you are drawn to that type of behavior, or whatever it is. It's just starting to notice, like, find the slightest bit of awareness Around it and start asking well, what?
Speaker 3:how do you know the difference between I'm asking for help, or and I'm spreading this dissidence, or I'm spreading this, this drama? Where's, where's the line there? Because we, you know well asking for?
Speaker 2:I don't think it's necessarily just asking for help. I think it's just when you find like comfort and chaos.
Speaker 3:So when you're reaching out. So in other words, in my story, instead of reaching out to Robert like hey, I need you to go, you know, let's Scour the internet to see if we can find it posted anywhere could have been something different. Like man, my bike just got stolen and you know we got to work on trying to get a new one. Maybe we can figure something out, or I don't know.
Speaker 2:I could have done something totally you could, you revved it up to chaos instead of just kind of finding like a neutral place with it. Yeah, so if you know I think that's the thing is you're, if you're constantly blowing out the birthday candle with a fire hose.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I knew, if I called him, he loves his bike as much as I did then, yeah, you know, this is instant in. Yeah, yeah, I knew it, he was the first person I called, yeah so I think it's.
Speaker 2:I think it's just noticing where you're at and what you're drawn to and why you know. Because if you're, it sounds like if you're constantly revving up or looking for the chaos in order to feel comfortable and you go in, you know you can just like stir up a bunch of shit.
Speaker 3:I used to call that chaos management, I like yeah. I mean actually one of my bosses said that, like you're great at chaos management, when things and you thought you took that as a yeah no, I thought it was my superpower.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's your calling. It was your calling.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like when shit goes bad and the wells calm, cool and collected, he gets shit done. I mean just sees through it and and gets it handled. But it, I don't know, it's cuz I'm. I feel calm in that situation because that's where I'm at all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah that you know what that brings up. That brings up like a recognition to, I think what? Because I was a you know clinical supervisor in an emergency room. Mm-hmm for years and it was chaos management and I thrived on Putting it right.
Speaker 3:Lena knows what to do.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, and I'd listen to a lot of true crime then now. But I think about where my nervous system was. It was like oh yeah revved yeah. Yeah, a lot. I went to bed every night watching SVU. I know yeah like fall asleep with murder and it was like that's great, I feel good you know, didn't notice that, like, that's probably not the best place for you to be. There is another place that feels a little bit more harmonious.
Speaker 3:Yeah, within, and not only are in an emergency room, with people coming in with. Drama trauma in the worst ways.
Speaker 2:Secondary trauma your experience like you know technical things like constant and it. I thrived on it. Mm-hmm and so, but yeah, my home life also Kept at that rubbing pace. So until it didn't yeah and I think, I think the main thing is just becoming aware and really asking the question like Do I do this?
Speaker 2:and in his book he does actually have two quizzes, I think mm-hmm where you can go through and just kind of mark off like, oh yeah, you know, like being addicted to drama may not be the thing that you think yeah, well, the funny part of that questionnaire was like if you answered yes to at least three of these 20 questions, you may be addicted to drama and I was like what if I checked, yes, on all of them?
Speaker 3:Definitely I was like people only need three man. I think you know you. You can get a Df minus yes and still addicted to drama.
Speaker 2:I have a plus, plus we have like a Definition when we say well, they're a drama king or drama queen.
Speaker 2:Yeah we're not that, because that means this you know, and, honestly, I think we all have a little bit of a tendency, and just recognizing it and saying like where are we avoiding stillness In order to not deal with whatever is going on inside? Yeah, by focusing on this external stimulus, that's we. We blow out of proportion or we want to get involved in the drama. And you know, just noticing, is that true? Here's an opportunity for you to respond differently and just being like, perhaps perhaps?
Speaker 3:well, I think it's. It's no mystery, or that that these two books came across around the same time, which was Codependency, no more.
Speaker 2:And then addicted to drama because there's there's some cross book duo combination.
Speaker 3:Recommendation. There's so much crossover there and I was like, oh man, the way you know and that's the way that Instagram and all those put stuff in my feed that I need to read that you talked about. Yeah, it's like, oh, that one was this book here. I really encourage you guys to just even if it's not you per se, it could be somebody else that you know it really gives some good insights to maybe what that person is doing or feeling.
Speaker 2:It definitely is. It's a reflection even to ask yourself, but even the people around you, and then to notice in society how we are satiated with drama and, like the crime, murder, like on the news. What is more, drawing is like the most horrible things that are happening, Like our nervous systems are programmed to.
Speaker 3:you know just being in this constant Reality TV is bigger than you know.
Speaker 2:It's still growing and yeah, it's just where it's, it's everywhere. It's just like the more satiate, the more like salacious story gets more attention, because it's like, ooh, let's focus on that instead of ourselves. So it's a big ugly distraction, but it's going to take some awareness on asking the questions like do I do that, Do I want to do that? Like physiologically in your body, it's having an effect on your nervous system, on your cortisol levels, like all of it, your blood pressure.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it feels, great.
Speaker 2:Cause it's a dopamine drop every time yeah but it's like empty calories you know so yeah, I think one of the things we love doing on here is just bringing some awareness to some things and things that we found in ourselves. Drama king, you know like no longer recovering drama king.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm a drama king. It was a hard.
Speaker 2:I am that too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was hard to accept that, but I was like, yeah, I'm going to own it because there's no way. Yeah. If I was ever to like sit in a room with somebody and try to convince them that I wasn't, that I could actually and factually do so. So, but as well, own it. Yeah. Yeah, let us know what you think about this podcast.
Speaker 2:How are you addicted?
Speaker 3:to drama. Yeah, how are you addicted to drama? So let us know, like and share the podcast. We really appreciate you listening and we'll see you next time.