Let That Shift Go
Welcome to "Let That Shift Go," a podcast hosted by siblings Lena and Noel. Join them on their journey of self-awareness as they delve into meaningful conversations about the human experience.
Lena and Noel have decided to break free from the confines of private discussions and bring their heartfelt, and at times, humorous conversations to the public. They believe that we are all going through the trials and tribulations of life, and it's comforting to know that we're not alone.
In each episode, Lena and Noel will explore various aspects of being human, sharing personal stories, insights, and lessons they've learned along the way. From navigating relationships to dealing with challenges, they'll offer a refreshing perspective on life's ups and downs.
Through candid and authentic conversations, "Let That Shift Go" aims to create a safe space for listeners to relate, reflect, and find solace in the shared human experience. Lena and Noel invite you to join them as they embrace change, growth, and let go of what no longer serves them.
Tune in and be part of a community that celebrates the beautiful messiness of being human. Get ready to let go, laugh, and discover that you're not alone on this journey. Welcome to "Let That Shift Go" podcast!
Let That Shift Go
Secure in Self, Secure in Connection
What happens when the quest for intimacy challenges your sense of self? Join us as we unravel the beautiful complexity of relationships where vulnerability meets self-awareness. Inspired by the profound insights of Dr. Andrew Huberman and Esther Perel, we navigate the delicate balance of being truly known by a partner without losing our individuality. The conversation is a heartfelt examination of how to maintain this equilibrium, spotlighting the universal tension of staying true to oneself while nurturing closeness and exploring personal growth through understanding attachment styles.
Have you ever felt like your survival patterns are mistaken for thriving until life throws you a curveball? We explore this fascinating dynamic, focusing on the critical need for accountability in relationships. By examining how our upbringing influences attachment styles, we reveal how self-awareness is key to healing and growth. Through personal stories, we underscore the importance of not relying on partners to fix our insecurities, but rather achieving security within ourselves. This is a journey towards understanding and balancing the needs of others with staying true to our own essence.
Finally, embark on a path of self-discovery guided by questions that reveal whether your desires for space or closeness stem from love or fear. We discuss how fostering compassionate listening and non-defensive communication can nurture deeper connections and enhance both intimacy and individuality. By sharing these insights with partners or friends, we aim to inspire you to pursue a journey of self-exploration and connection. Subscribe to our podcast to continue this enlightening journey and enrich your relationships with profound insights.
Hello and welcome to the Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lina.
Speaker 1:And this is where we talk about the good, the bad and all the shift in between.
Speaker 2:We just talk mad shift.
Speaker 1:Let's get into it. And on this week's episode, balancing intimacy and identity in relationships. Yeah, yes, the dance the dance. Yeah, special dance, tough one. It's very common too. But first let's get into these skin deep cards. You want to go first? I'll go first. All right, go for it.
Speaker 2:How do you know? I know you.
Speaker 1:Because it seems like you know my every thought. You tend to. I think I know, because I think I know you. I know that you know me because I feel safe. To be vulnerable with you Feels like a safe space and knowing that you see me and you understand me helps me to be more vulnerable.
Speaker 2:Ah yeah, to let go of having, of needing to be anything else.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Other than yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a calming thing. You know just, I'm able to kind of move into a space where I can be more free, probably more so than I would with anybody else. Move into a space where I can be more free, probably more so than I would with anybody else, because I, even if I was going to say something that was- you know that I'd be afraid to say somebody else or I would be Like there'd be a repercussion or something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would be free to say it without feeling like you would judge me. You would understand the context of it, because you've pretty much got the context to most of it.
Speaker 2:Or when you say I'm fine and I'm like, are you?
Speaker 1:Feelings I've not expressed Fine.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's an honor to be that space for you.
Speaker 1:All right, Well, I got this Okay. My question is how would you title this chapter of our lives?
Speaker 2:is how would you title this chapter of our lives? This chapter of our lives, I don't know, maybe the things we didn't know, we didn't know.
Speaker 1:Cock-a-little-doo, Mother effer, wake up. It's time to see the light.
Speaker 2:It's called wake up, yeah, or there's more there's more.
Speaker 1:There's more, that's a good one wait, there's more.
Speaker 2:That should be the title.
Speaker 1:Wait, there's more and if you act now, for only 14.99, three easy installments wait, there's more so this topic came up because of a clip we saw on Instagram with Dr Andrew Huberman. And what's the lady's name Esther Peril. Yeah, and they were talking about. You know, balancing intimacy and identity and relationships, and really you know the fear of maybe losing oneself.
Speaker 2:I like this one because I think it applies on some level to all relationships. But I think it's something that we are not aware of, you know, or even that there's a dynamic that's happening very unconsciously in relationships. And I know having you know we've both been in relationships for a very long time and being able to see these patterns within ourselves over the course of decades gives us kind of an ability to look back and see like, oh yeah, that's when that was happening, and I know when you brought it up, I was like this is great, because I think there's so many. I would have loved to have heard something like this.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Way back in the day to go I didn't know that was a thing, that why am I anxious or why didn't you call me or why didn't you come home and having these fears around this and everything feels very personal and instead being able to go, oh, perhaps I have my own things. I've shown up to this relationship with that I'm responsible for my own things. I've shown up to this relationship with that I'm responsible for. And how do I bring a little bit of self-awareness around that in order to communicate more effectively or ask for what I need or know when my partner needs something, and I don't think that's something that many of us do or even have been taught.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sometimes I find myself I mean especially in the middle of the relationship or early on in the relationship, throughout the relationship, actually trying to create such a connection that you kind of step over your own boundaries and try to I don't know fulfill things in the other person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think they said it like how do I get close to you without losing me and how do I hold on to me without losing you? And that statement was that was pretty powerful. It's like how to be, how to be, how to be close with someone without losing yourself, and and being able to maintain your identity without pushing the other person away. I mean, that's a universal challenge.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it creates a lot of tension.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a lot of attention, and it's really the thing that can help us shift to true intimacy, though, you know, by really being honest about what you need and why, and and feeling comfortable and safe enough to be able to explore that without thinking I have to compromise this in order to make my partner happy, because that's when we start to abandon ourselves. And I would say, you know, early on in my relationship, armando and I have been together since 13. I was 13, 16. And same with you that you, you know, you kind of you're going through the natural progression of becoming an adult or you know whatever, and there comes this time where you feel like, well, these are the things I want to do, or I want to say, or I want to explore, but it's going to challenge them, so I'm going to suffocate it or I'm going to put it away.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she said we have a proclivity to choose partners that challenge our vulnerabilities.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's where the growth is. That's the mirror.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I have like an insecure attachment, anxious attachment style, and so when I feel distance I want to be close and all that stuff. But for my partner they may have an avoidant type attachment style, so when there's conflict they want to pull away and have their separateness and their own alone time and that kind of thing. That actually feels like abandonment to me.
Speaker 2:So, depending on the type, of and that feels like suffocation to them.
Speaker 1:Person. Yeah, so this balance of losing yourself. I want to play a clip that I heard that kind of talks a little bit about this. So let's just listen to listening on this one. Let's see here. Let's go. Let's see here let's go.
Speaker 4:Environment, there we go. If you grow up in secure attachment, you learn that life is about connection.
Speaker 1:If you do not grow up in a secure attached environment, you learn life is about survival, yeah, yeah. So that clip right there speaks, you know, pretty loudly to me because I feel like in for most of my life I grew up in survival. Because, you know, not having a secure attachment style in the home made me kind of hypersensitive to other people's feelings and trying to you, you know, self or help soothe the other person, and sometimes that becomes across as kind of overbearing and smothering.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think the reason that it's important to even like even play that clip is because I don't think that many of us really think about the environment we came from or what was happening in our household. That kind of you know programmed us to be able to seek love or attachment in a certain way that we learned as children. But we don't know why we do it. We just do it naturally because it's part of our programming. And when you go into relationship it's not necessarily viewed that way by your partner. It's just kind of like why don't you trust me, or why do you always have to be in my space, or why are you? And the proclivity is to attach to someone who has an opposite style than you.
Speaker 1:That's triggering you.
Speaker 2:And so you're just gonna trigger each other. It's like I need space, but you need Connection. Connection and security Closeness yeah you get. You know it's like I need space, but you need connection and security and you get it through closeness.
Speaker 2:So I think, just being aware of you know, being able to ask the question like what was it like for me growing up, you know, was there a fear of abandonment? Was there, you know, something that you always felt like the shoe was going to be pulled out from under you or or whatever, did you know? Did you? If you didn't get your needs met in that way, with closeness and connection to build that secure attachment, then you're going to seek that, you know, in relationship which can come off, as you're very clingy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're very insecure, yeah you know, and which oftentimes is not very attractive, yeah. And so the other person's trying to constantly like soothe you but lose themselves, or vice versa.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cause we're. There's definitely a love for each other, but giving what our vulnerability is to the other person is kind of that survival part, you know, and especially if you can't do it out of love.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, then it can become resentment.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because if one partner's needing more independence and the other one's craving reassurance, those two things are not matching up. But if you're not aware that there's a reason why you came into that relationship with your specific attachment style, you may just end up arguing all the time and not understanding why they can't see you.
Speaker 1:But we seek it for some reason. That's what we're naturally attracted to. Is something that will those vulnerabilities, something that will cause us to find the healing in that. I mean, I didn't know that at the time, but now it's kind of very prevalent in my life that I that's. This is why this happens for me.
Speaker 2:Well, and you think oftentimes, you know, we seek like so many, so many of us choose partners that were very much like our parents, without consciously doing that. We're not like I want to find someone just like my dad, who happened to have been an alcoholic or very abusive to my mom. We're not consciously seeking that, but it's actually what we're comfortable with.
Speaker 1:Because it's familiar.
Speaker 2:It's familiar, yeah, so then you're going to keep playing out this pattern over and over Really, it's probably in hopes that you will someday correct it, or you'll someday realize oh, this is. I don't need to do this. This isn't true, but it's, you know, usually having to boop into that pattern over and over and over again until you go. I think I'm tired of this. Yeah, I don't think I want to keep doing that over and over and over again until you go.
Speaker 1:I think I'm tired of this, I don't think I want to keep doing that. Yeah, and you may get to a place where you're like I need to heal from something because you're. You played a clip or you posted a clip earlier about when do you know it's time to heal. You know, and it goes back to where, like what you said, when it's too uncomfortable to stay the same, when you're crying yourself to sleep and you can't, you feel like your soul is just not matching up with what's happening on the outside.
Speaker 2:When you're just surviving and not thriving. Yeah, you know, and some people don't even know. There's a choice, because maybe survival feels like thriving.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So yeah, it's. I mean, I think normally we don't even recognize we're in these patterns until it gets painful. But you know, one of the things we can do is just bring some self-awareness to our own patterns, our upbringing you know our attachment styles, our relationship styles and what it is we need and really starting to take full responsibility.
Speaker 1:Yeah, have some accountability for what happens, what we bring to the relationship and maybe what patterns we're kind of migrating from our parents and our family dynamic that we grew up with. Yeah. And how some of those are similar in today's life and in the present, because I think it's most important to become present with what's now and what we're moving through currently and how maybe that lines up with some of our proclivities.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I wish somebody would have told me this 20 years ago.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, because it's not your partner's responsibility to like quell every single insecurity that you have. I think it's really important for you to recognize why you have them. Like what is that feeling that it's bringing up for you when they don't text you back or they don't you know? Fill in the blank.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that the hard part that happens is because I think the ultimate goal for myself is to become secure, and the only way to do that is to really become accountable for what the patterns I'm bringing to the table and why they're there.
Speaker 1:And why they're there, and then you know it is beneficial to have a partner that maybe can have some compassion for my side. I don't have a partner that maybe can have some compassion for my side, but until you can actually identify those things and maybe have a conversation about those things, I don't think your partner can be compassionate about it, because they may not be recognizing their patterns themselves.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like, how do you stay present?
Speaker 3:and open in the relationship, without losing sight of who you are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's going to take some awareness. Yeah, because you find yourself bending to meet their needs without being able to voice what your needs are, because you're feeling hurt by the pulling away or the smothering yeah. And just having the awareness that you can move through those things with some communication, yeah, and really finding the intimacy. It's something hard to define, I think. Yeah. Because intimacy the first thing that comes to mind is like the sexual intimacy, but it's so much deeper because it's more of like the connection.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Into me see.
Speaker 1:Into me, see oh.
Speaker 2:Into me see.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I think everybody wants to be heard and seen and understood, and when we're not, that's when we panic.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, that is when we panic. And so and we cling or we run.
Speaker 1:Yeah and well, I mean. What's happened mostly with me is is lashing out because my needs aren't being met or I feel like I'm not being understood or they don't understand my viewpoint. So, rather than coming at it with a healthy perspective and explaining my viewpoint and what's going on, I may lash out like what's going on? How come you're not texting me back? Where have you been? What's you know?
Speaker 2:all these things. So it's more anger and frustration or fear.
Speaker 1:And that can come across as control and anger and fear, which will make the other person feel like they're doing something wrong and they're being judged when really, you're just trying to get your needs met.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but do you think that it came to you? Having to realize why you had that feeling already, like why you felt that kind of need for deep connection, or like attention or being able to, you know, have your needs met by someone else was very connected to your own upbringing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had to go back and look at okay, why do I have these feelings? And it was, you know, we spoke about it on the podcast before where I had a relationship with mom that was very loving and I always knew that she loved me but it wasn't a lot of hugging and touch and that kind of thing that she loved me but it wasn't a lot of hugging and touch and that kind of thing. And because of her own insecurities about, you know, a relationship, because she had some trauma as a kid and it made that feel wrong for her.
Speaker 2:For her but you had no idea.
Speaker 1:I had no idea about any of this, and so until I started to realize, wow man, I was missing that part in my life, and I realized I'm seeking that now. And why am I seeking that? And through having conversations with mom I was able to kind of release that part, but it didn't make it go away in terms of what my vulnerabilities are and what I want or what.
Speaker 1:I'm seeking yeah my vulnerabilities are and what I want or what I'm seeking. Yeah, and I recognize that it's to a point that's unhealthy, because I need to be able to be secure in myself. Because it's nothing. I'm taking it personal. Yeah, you're making it personal, I'm making it personal that my partner is doing something in spite of me or to punish me when really their attachment style is different. Yeah. And they're trying to not lose themselves by giving in too much to me. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:How were you able to communicate that?
Speaker 1:Well, I was terrible at it for many, many years and I was just lashing out and not able, I think, frankly, because I didn't really understand what was going on and, like you said, knowing something like this was possible and if I wish I would have heard this clip 20 years ago, like you said. But now having some accountability and kind of going back and doing writing and having conversations with my parents and just kind of trying to understand who I am, what I am and why I am the way I am, it doesn't make an excuse for it, but what it does is give me context to just see how those patterns are overlaying into now my current relationship and how some of those things can be unfair to put those burdens on somebody else, because I'm trying to make my partner fill the void of what I didn't get as a child.
Speaker 2:So it sounds like, though, this, this realization, or this deeper work of even having to know anything about attachment styles right. Like nobody told us about attachment styles.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a fairly new concept.
Speaker 2:Please look it up. We could do a whole podcast just on attachment styles.
Speaker 1:We have one. I think that has a lot about it.
Speaker 2:But just recognizing that this is actually a thing and being able to investigate like which am I and why is that? That gave you a period of a lot of growth.
Speaker 2:that gave you a period of a lot of growth. So not only growth in recognizing, maybe, the deeper pains that were there unconsciously, but being able to ask more questions, being able to even talk to mom or dad and being able to say, yeah, why was that, you know, and that bit of healing that you were even doing for yourself, in that, just that self-discovery led to healing for mom.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know and for yourself. So, yeah, I don't know, I think, why would you bring awareness to this? It's like one you might be able to even shift the relationship that you're in by recognizing what your own patterns are, taking 100% responsibility for them. But then there comes like, okay, well, that doesn't mean that you just stop wanting affection. It doesn't mean that you just stop wanting to be loved or to be recognized or whatever. You also have to learn how to maybe set the boundaries.
Speaker 2:If you're somebody that really just needs space, but be able to ask for what you need in a way that you know really, I think communicates to your partner, maybe, why you need those things, you know and it's you're not making it their problem or they're not doing enough, but you're just expressing, hey, I, I recognize this is something in me that I didn't get, and it's not that it's your job, but just know that it's something I crave and I would appreciate and maybe they are able to come and, you know, participate in that or provide that in a way. That is more because I love you and I want to support you and I know this is something important to you, as opposed to, oh, my gosh, get off my back, like why are you? You're too needy, you're, you're not giving me my space or you know whatever. Them taking it personal that you want it. It's just really being able to communicate from a place of growth you know and self-awareness.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and asking ourselves am I speaking from fear of losing myself, or am I speaking out of love?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because if you're about to get into an argument about hey. I need my space or I need more attention or affection. Is that, coming from a place of fear, Like I need it because I don't think you love me or you might leave me?
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or am I saying hey, this is something really important to me that I need, and I would like it to come from you here it is. That's like speaking more from a place of love and really wanting growth in the relationship, as opposed to, you're going to get the opposite, which is space.
Speaker 2:If you're constantly just telling the other person they're not doing enough, when it's not really that. It may not be that they're not doing enough. It may be that you just have these wounds inside of you that are not healed, have not been addressed and need some attention.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and a lot of times. I think the thought process for me is just trying to provide and give things that I wish I got in the relationship and expecting that to come back. You know, what I mean and when it doesn't. I take it personal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and if you're with somebody who wants more space.
Speaker 1:That's not what they're asking for.
Speaker 2:Like I think that I'm giving them all the love You're giving them, what you need.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm giving them everything that I need and I'm losing myself in it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's where I find, like, where the losing yourself can be, because the losing myself, I think, from my perspective, is I'm not actually listening to what their needs are. I'm so tied up into what my needs are that actually I haven't had enough compassion to see what their needs are. And if their needs are the opposite, which is to have space and separation and solidarity, if I'm overbearing, like I need this and I need you to be close and I want to cuddle, whatever that is, that all sounds like smothering on the other side.
Speaker 1:And so how do you find the compassion there? Because both sides have to find some balance there, and I think that's where I found myself losing myself.
Speaker 2:Well, also, if you think about it in some ways, you're over affection or you're, if you think about it in some ways, you're over affection or you're, you know coddling, or you know constantly kind of giving affection and attention when somebody doesn't want. It is a manipulation, because you think oh, if I give this to you, then you should give it back to me. So it comes with conditions Expectations, expectations. Yeah, so that's where you're going to lose yourself.
Speaker 1:Unspoken expectations equals resentment.
Speaker 2:Yep, was it like preconceived resentments or pre something preconceived, I don't know, premeditated it was premeditated resentments, yeah. So yeah, while you think that you're giving all this lovey-dovey and you're going to get it back in some ways, that in itself is a self-serving manipulation.
Speaker 1:So how would you see it from because I can easily speak from the anxious attachment style. I don't know if it would how would you see it from the other side, in terms of you know, from being feeling smothered and needing space and in separation and feeling that on the you know coming? How do you see that and receive that?
Speaker 2:Well, it depends, because I think if I'm on that side, I would have to have a level of self-awareness to know why do I need that, why do I feel like I need more space and that makes me happy and be able to see why you trying to come at me all the time makes me uncomfortable. There'd be have to be some level of awareness on my side to be able to hear that and recognize. Well, this is what I need, this is what you need. How do we meet in the middle?
Speaker 2:That's the dance, that's the dance, but both partners need to be dancing to the same song at some point or, like you know, on the same page. So if I'm not able to communicate to you why that bothers me, that you constantly need this thing, it makes me feel the opposite of-.
Speaker 1:Not enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm not doing enough, or also like I'm being smothered and suffocated, then it's just going to be a conflict, it's going to be constant tension. So I think that on some level it takes the work of both people to be able to meet in the middle, you know, and I think, just taking it, taking the personal part out of it, like that, this isn't against you, this doesn't mean that you're not doing enough or you're not loving enough. It just means this is what I need and that that need is not being met at this, at this time, because of the way that your attachment is. Maybe that you need more space.
Speaker 1:Does that make sense? Yeah, it sounds a little accusatory, though it sounds like it's your fault.
Speaker 2:No, I think it's both of our faults. It's both 100%, each of our responsibilities. No 50-50. I have to be 100% responsible for my part and you need to be 100% responsible for your part. So we're not trying to blame anyone, we're just trying to both show up yeah, you know, and be able to be honest. So, yeah, I think that it's. It's different when you're the person who feels a little suffocated you have to be able to have these vulnerable.
Speaker 1:you know conversations with your partner and we talk about. You know deep listening or active listening, without being defensive, and that's the hardest part for me. It's yeah, as being defensive.
Speaker 2:Well, the defensiveness oftentimes comes because you're not aware of why you're doing it. Yeah. You know, Mm-hmm. Like if you were to say to me if you were being defensive, about you needing attention or physical touch, then that probably means that you're not aware of why. You're making it my fault, you know, yeah. So if if you remove that, then there's more space for an open dialogue.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So if you were to say to me hey, this really it's not, this is not about you, this is just. I recognize this as a deep need in me Then I can probably come and hear that, as opposed to you're not doing enough, yeah, Then I'm defensive. So now we're both defensive. So now nobody hears each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's not active listening, that's no yeah, it's. If you can get to a space where you're not defensive and having an open, vulnerable conversation with your partner, that can lead to a space where you guys can find some common ground to kind of lean in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it comes to compassionate listening. So it's not just okay, tell me I'm listening. It's compassionate listening, meaning it's empathetic listening, being an empathetic witness to your partner, trying to understand.
Speaker 1:Trying to, really trying to understand, watch their movie. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's a big part of the communication is really that compassionate listening. It's like that, you know, listening without defensiveness, because that can start to ease the tension in the relationship or in the conversation. That can start to ease the tension in the relationship or in the conversation. The other thing is really being able to self-regulate, you know, and learning ways to just regulate yourself so that you can come into the conversation and be fully present.
Speaker 1:Yeah, annie talks a lot about. In their relationship they're able to just take a break and step away, because they need to find some calm. And I always had a hard time with that, because I don't want to go to sleep angry. I don't want to-.
Speaker 2:I need to talk about it now.
Speaker 1:And it doesn't have to be right in this moment, but just at least enough time so that you can calm your nerves and come back and be an adult.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you have to have some tools.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you got to have some tools. Guess what I'd recommend.
Speaker 2:Breath work A little 10, 20, 30.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a little 10, 20, 30 breathing, calming your nerves and just self-regulation.
Speaker 2:You know, there was one recommendation that Armando and I went to this conference and it was with this couple couples counselor. This couple couples counselor, and they said that when they feel like they're getting into an argument that they kind of have like either, like a, like a, not a safe word, but they both, they will, you know, one of them will put their hand up in the air of their fist in the air and say same team, same team, so that we know we're both upset, but we are, we're on the same team. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know when it's almost like a stop. Let's just think about where we're at right now.
Speaker 1:Same team.
Speaker 2:Same team.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I say that a lot with the kids. When my boys are fighting, I'm like, hey, you're on the same team. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think it's. It's important for you know partners to be able to evolve and grow together, and that does take a level of self-exploration to see how you're showing up in the relationship and how do we support each other. Through that, without making it personal, you know that we've done something wrong. Just be able to see them in their own story.
Speaker 1:Well, we've been having a conversation about tolerating and celebrating, and you know you got to be able to get to a place where you're celebrating your partner and not just tolerating their proclivities or their vulnerabilities.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't want to be tolerated. I don't want to be tolerated in a relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That feels ick, that's icky it doesn't feel good. I want to be celebrated for all of my faults, for my weaknesses, for my strengths, for all of it. Just you know, show up.
Speaker 1:Celebrating each other's growth in the relationship, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, I don't know. I think there are some questions. There's three introspective questions for the listeners.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:As you're listening to this, just ask yourself these questions Am I showing up as my true self in this relationship, or am I losing my sense of who I am when I seek space or closeness? Is it out of love or is it out of fear? What steps can I take to honor both my needs and my partner's needs?
Speaker 1:Those are good. Yeah. Yeah, so take some time, think about those and, if those resonate with you, take some time this week to explore those questions.
Speaker 2:Share them with your friend or partner or those questions, share them with your friend or partner and just start the conversation about how you can balance intimacy and individuality together, because you can have both. Actually, you can have the deeper version of both with just a little bit of self-exploration and a little bit of compassionate listening and inviting each other into that space.
Speaker 2:What if you took these questions and asked your partner and allowed yourself to really listen compassionately to the answer, without being defensive. What if that could spark something in the deepening of that relationship into deeper intimacy? You know, yeah, here we are. Thanks for tuning in. And you know what? Subscribe for more insights on relationships, consciousness and the path to self-discovery. We're here.
Speaker 1:All right, that's been another episode of Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel and I'm Lena.
Speaker 2:Let us know what your questions are and we'd love to use them on a future episode. Or check us out on Insta at Let that Shift Go, or visit our website, serenitycovetomeculacom.