Let That Shift Go
Welcome to "Let That Shift Go," a podcast hosted by siblings Lena and Noel. Join them on their journey of self-awareness as they delve into meaningful conversations about the human experience.
Lena and Noel have decided to break free from the confines of private discussions and bring their heartfelt, and at times, humorous conversations to the public. They believe that we are all going through the trials and tribulations of life, and it's comforting to know that we're not alone.
In each episode, Lena and Noel will explore various aspects of being human, sharing personal stories, insights, and lessons they've learned along the way. From navigating relationships to dealing with challenges, they'll offer a refreshing perspective on life's ups and downs.
Through candid and authentic conversations, "Let That Shift Go" aims to create a safe space for listeners to relate, reflect, and find solace in the shared human experience. Lena and Noel invite you to join them as they embrace change, growth, and let go of what no longer serves them.
Tune in and be part of a community that celebrates the beautiful messiness of being human. Get ready to let go, laugh, and discover that you're not alone on this journey. Welcome to "Let That Shift Go" podcast!
Let That Shift Go
Embracing Vulnerability: The Path to Genuine Connection and Self-Compassion
What if the key to deeper connections and less anxiety lies in understanding vulnerability versus transparency? Join us, Noel and Lena, on a reflective journey as we explore how embracing vulnerability allows us to rewrite personal stories and foster genuine relationships. Through personal growth and gratitude, we highlight how shifting focus from negativity to positivity helps create internal safety, while delving into the nuanced dance between being open and being truly vulnerable.
Our conversation touches on the delicate balance of authenticity and the essential role of safety in emotional connections. Brene Brown's insights guide us in recognizing that vulnerability requires trust, while transparency is a more controlled form of sharing. By sharing touching metaphors and real-life examples, we navigate the fears and internal narratives that often keep us from embracing vulnerability, and how these can be transformed into opportunities for closer connections and self-compassion.
Cap off the episode with us as we guide you through a breathwork session designed to enhance self-awareness and courage. Reflect on where you feel safe to express your true self and how these insights can lead to stronger connections in your relationships. This journey with us is not just about understanding vulnerability and transparency but about actively using these concepts to enrich your life and relationships. Embrace the courage to be seen and heard, and discover the transformative power of vulnerability.
Hello and welcome to the Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lina.
Speaker 1:And this is where we talk about the good, the bad and all the shift in between.
Speaker 2:We just talk mad shift.
Speaker 1:Let's get into it. Have you ever wondered about the difference between being vulnerable and being transparent? Today, we're going to dive into these terms, meanings, and how they impact our mental health and our relationships, and why safety plays a key role in both. Yeah. But first let's get into the skin. Deep cards yeah, you want to go first.
Speaker 2:Sure Describe the last experience you had in which you realized that you had matured.
Speaker 1:Hmm, well, I guess it would be learning to be grateful for, you know, all the lessons in the darkness. Ooh, you know, going through some hard times and really just being appreciative of all the lessons in the darkness, going through some hard times and really just being appreciative of all the lessons. And then we talked about last episode about looking forward to the goals of the new year. But I was really resonating with that episode and thinking back of all the things that I'm grateful for and just I was realizing my growth and being able to just focus on the positive and how much that improves my just wellbeing and overall happiness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that and I would agree that, you know, when you're able to take something that's painful and instead of fighting against it and looking at it as like a failure or something that's you know a negative, is to instead look back and go man, what did I learn from this? Or look out there's so many great things that did happen. And how can I appreciate that? Because I feel like that is one of the biggest shifts that you can make in change and in growth is, you know, just surrendering to what is, but also being able to appreciate what that experience brought you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it creates safety within me, because when I'm focusing on the bad things and all the negative, it just creates all this anxiety, fear. But when I'm looking at the positives of what I'm learning and why this is happening for me, it's not always easy to shift into that. Yeah, but really just looking like, oh, you know, this is some place for me to grow into.
Speaker 2:Yeah, gratitude feels so much I don't know like warmer you know just a little bit. Yeah, and that fear and anxiety just feels like scatteredness. So there's a big change in maybe just opening up flow, you know, in your life, in your body, whatever.
Speaker 1:So yeah, thank you. Okay, my question is what force of nature do you resonate most with?
Speaker 2:Um, I would say the wind.
Speaker 1:Why.
Speaker 2:Because it's I'm all. I'm all over the place sometimes.
Speaker 1:And you blow and push people into you.
Speaker 2:And I am constantly like, oh, what about that? And then I can get focused, and then it's like, oh, it takes me somewhere else. You know, it's like I don't always just spend a lot of time in one spot or thought, and so probably, yeah, the wind.
Speaker 1:You're less of a hurricane now as an adult.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm more like a soft breeze. Yeah, I could agree with that, with strong gusts every now and then, but I would say definitely the wind. That's good yeah, I haven't had clouds a lot. That's what people tell me.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about this vulnerability versus transparency.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like this topic because, to be honest, it wasn't anything that I ever actually gave any thought to. But you know, I saw a post and then, when you came today, you're like, what are we going to talk about? This is something that's on my mind. I was like, wow, that just came up also in my view today, and talking about the difference between transparency and vulnerability, and really it's not. I don't think it's. I'm surprised at the things that I don't think about until it's brought up, until it's brought up right, and it's like, yeah, there is a difference. But we probably think sometimes when I'm being transparent, I'm telling you what's going on and is that a form of vulnerability?
Speaker 1:but it turns out that that's probably not yeah, I've tricked myself into that plenty of times because, you know, we've both been accused of saying what's on our mind and I didn't realize that. You know, I kind of felt as if I was being vulnerable in the moment. I don't know if it it just when you're speaking your truth, you feel like you're telling people how you feel and I felt like that's pretty vulnerable.
Speaker 2:But maybe that's more just transparency.
Speaker 1:And it can come across as accusatory or blaming, or so it's not always received as if it was vulnerable.
Speaker 2:Well, the one of the things it says is that vulnerability fosters connection, but transparency fosters clarity. So one is more just information and the other one is actually inviting more connection and that vulnerability you're in some way you're risking something, you're risking yourself, you're opening yourself up to you know maybe criticism or hurt or pain, that you're actually making yourself available in a way that you don't have control over how it's received or how you. You know what the response is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I read a reference that transparency could be like building a glass house and vulnerability is giving somebody the ability to move around the furniture, or maybe even bring a hammer and break stuff you know and just rearrange.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because transparency is like it's openness, but it's not necessarily sharing any deep emotions. Right, you're just like this is information, but you're not really opening it up to anything else.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's not about oversharing or sharing with everybody. You got to be, you know, it's got to be in your heart to be in a moment where you want to be vulnerable. Yeah, it's not about being vulnerable with everyone, but in relation. Sometimes it's very necessary because vulnerability is the bridge to connection.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it opens you up. There's like a tenderness. You know there's something about emotional exposure that creates a tenderness, but that can feel a little scary sometimes.
Speaker 1:It is, and I think that's what moved me away from vulnerability into transparency, because I feel like I'm defending myself sometimes and that doesn't come across as vulnerable. Does that make sense? Tell me when I'm trying to share, like it like if I felt a conflict, if I didn't really get down to what was happening inside of me. Okay, and tell it. Well, in this situation, I'm feeling this and it's. It may be because of something that's happened and I'm just really unclear on how to handle it. As opposed to well, when you did this, you just triggered me and whatever. I don't know how that would be. It just comes across as more accusatory as opposed to sharing in a place where you're coming from pure vulnerability.
Speaker 2:Like, instead of sharing how it affected you and maybe showing what you might perceive as a weakness, that could be something that you would consider vulnerable. Yes or no?
Speaker 1:yeah, I think it's really. I think, before you can be vulnerable, I think you really need to feel into what. What is the emotion behind, what's triggering inside of you, because otherwise it just comes across. I'm just going to spew out something. So being able to, you know, you may not be ready to be vulnerable and you may need to work through that first to get into a place where you feel safe enough to be vulnerable. And I think what we talked about is being safe is probably the key to all of it, because I don't think I've ever been vulnerable if I didn't feel safe.
Speaker 2:Well, I think it's. It's kind of hard to do that because if, if you don't feel safe, how do you feel? Feel like it's okay to expose yourself, right To like kind of open yourself up there's if you have no safety in that, that's going to you're going to be less likely to move into that. But the thing is, when you move into those spaces that's the part that can you know foster emotional connection and that can actually foster the growth.
Speaker 1:Right, it takes a level of trust, right yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, that's something and that's something that can be built. I mean, sometimes you know, people are just maybe oversharing and you feel like, well, I'm being vulnerable, I'm sharing everything about what happened to me, what's going on, but are you actually inviting a connection in for growth? Are you inviting the ability for someone to connect with you on that level that you're at?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think, being vulnerable, you're actually asking in some ways for guidance.
Speaker 2:You can be. You may not always be asking for guidance, though.
Speaker 1:That's true.
Speaker 2:You may just be asking for space. You may just be asking for understanding. Sometimes you might just be asking for silence. Yeah. No, I think sometimes we think we need to give guidance, but sometimes it's just maybe somebody just needs a space to be able to say what's happened and to say how they feel about it and to know that that that's, it's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it comes from a deep need to feel understood, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, definitely Sometimes. Sometimes, what's the other times I don know. I don't think you know. Sometimes, if I'm sharing something, it's not because I want you to understand. Sometimes I just need to say it and I just need to express how I'm feeling and to know that it's okay that I feel that way. But it's not always going to come with you understanding exactly how I feel.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the other person has to hold space and allow you to feel safe to to express that Right. Yeah, yeah, that's not something I've always been good at, though.
Speaker 2:Well, you know what I think? I think sometimes it's a very masculine thing. Sometimes, when, when we're sharing, sometimes the more masculine things, I need to fix this. So you know, for me, if I'm sharing something, it doesn't always mean that I want you to fix it. In fact, sometimes if I feel like I say something to someone and they want to fix it, it makes me feel like I did something wrong or something was wrong and now there needs to be a solution, when sometimes it's just needing to be heard, you know.
Speaker 2:So I don't know, I don't think there's always, it's always guidance or it's always solution. I think sometimes it's just you just need to feel heard or you just need to feel seen and safe, you know and not judged. And so when we're opening up that way, I think really it's just really feeling into who you're with and what the circumstances, and knowing you know your audience in some way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, feeling vulnerable is not so easy.
Speaker 2:No, it's definitely not. I love, you know, a lot of the work that Brene Brown has done on vulnerability. Some of her stuff is just so powerful and one of the things that she talks about is vulnerability and shame. And if you think about, there's a link between vulnerability and the experience of shame, because what she says is that shame grows in secrecy and in silence and vulnerability is a way to counteract that shame by bringing up, you know, authenticity and self-compassion into the light. And that's sometimes a scary thing to do, especially if you've, you know, kind of grown up in a culture or a family where that wasn't welcomed.
Speaker 1:And you're judged.
Speaker 2:You're feeling judged and yeah, and so a lot of that. You can even feel shame for needing help or shame for being wanting to express something. So a lot of times that's a really big step for people to actually move into vulnerability. But vulnerability is like this, very like nutritive soil for something else to grow, and one of the things I like think about is like a little plant. You know, if you've planted a seed right, put it down into the dirt, into the dark, and then it has to sprout up and it has to come to the surface. But that little sprout is like the most tender that that plant will ever be.
Speaker 1:And that's the only thing that everybody sees because all the stuff in the dirt is all the stuff.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's all those stuff that you've been doing all the work, but that little tender bud is what's coming up to the surface and it really, just really wants this safe place to be able to grow.
Speaker 1:And authenticity, authenticity, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but at first it needs to push up through the surface. But that's the opportunity. It's like if you just stayed in the dark the whole time and just stayed under the ground, you're never going to grow. At some point you need to come up to the surface, feel that tenderness and, you know, kind of push up into the light in order to bloom and to blossom and to grow. But, honestly, what does that garden need? It also needs, like, this kind of safe place to be able to do that, and kind of recognizing, like how do you recognize when you're in a safe place to be able to share or to be vulnerable? You know what are the what?
Speaker 1:man, it's not easy to find.
Speaker 2:Well, what would it, what would it look like?
Speaker 1:What would it look like? Hmm, I think you know what you said earlier was about just just an ear to listen to, because I think showing up in my full authenticity is challenging, because it's an exercise of trust, because I'm going to be probably sharing something that I haven't shared with somebody else or don't typically share with people, and it's a part that I probably keep hidden. Yeah, and I need to find a way to trust that. You know that's that worth part where I'm trusting that you'll still like me or love me, even though I've shared this part of myself, a vulnerability, a weakness, a perceived weakness, even something that you have felt ashamed of or you've tried to figure out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean growing up as a male. It's vulnerability equals weakness is what was taught to me. And so this exercise of being vulnerable, sometimes, you know it's like oh, do I have to weigh it? Am I emotionally dumping you?
Speaker 2:know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or am I trying to create a connection of vulnerability with somebody so that I have a soundboard? Because I realized some of my closest relationships were built on unknowingly just sharing stories that were, in some ways, something the other person didn't expect or expect me to share in such a way, and somehow we just became the soundboard for each other, sharing experiences and then talking about those experiences, how we felt in those times and that really has. That was building a deep connection with the other person.
Speaker 2:But it took a moment of one of us had to go first.
Speaker 1:One of you going first to share something like hey, what's going on? And then you go oh, everything's great, the weather, all this. But you know, sometimes you something's on your heart and you need to find some space to open up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and instead of saying everything's fine, you're like you know what it's not fine. I'm actually not feeling good, I'm actually afraid or I'm ashamed of something, and that is like kind of this open tender part where you're like this person could literally crush me right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, but instead maybe they won't and maybe that is able to create the. This like deeper connection that you didn't expect.
Speaker 1:I heard that love was described as like giving somebody the ability to crush you and trusting that they won't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, definitely, but there's some, you know there are there are some places where it's, you know, like an unsafe vulnerability, right? So that would be like if you're sharing emotions in an environment where you're going into a place of considering you know being vulnerable, right, and just noticing who are you around, like, how do you feel when you're around this person or in this group? Is this the place it's not always the time to just overly share and be overly emotional?
Speaker 1:Well, maybe that's the time to be transparent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's the time to be transparent. Yeah, I'm not feeling good, I don't feel like talking about it right now, but, to be honest, this is where I'm at. I've had a bad day right Instead of you know.
Speaker 2:I think I want to talk about this you know, how do you feel, or or noticing for yourself, if you feel safe with these people, if is this going to be somebody who's going to be, you know, an empathetic witness right? Or is this somebody that you feel comfortable expressing your struggles with and you, they, you know, they've proven that maybe in the past they're not going to show, throw this back in your face at a later time?
Speaker 2:or or whatever. But I think that you know, sometimes just being able to take the chance and say this is what I'm feeling, you know, and having that moment, it may give the other person an opportunity to do the same and, like you said, there's like an opportunity for a deeper connection there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in a marriage or in an interpersonal relationship, I think somehow there's a lot more fear involved For me, like an abandonment fear you know, gets in there.
Speaker 1:So being vulnerable triggers things inside of me, a fear of abandonment sometimes, and so it makes it tougher for me with these really close relationships because I fear I hold so much weight or gravity in that relationship and that self-worth and not being willing to trust that that relationship will still be there if I share these parts of me. Because, you know, I feel I'm supposed to be this mantle of a man and I'm supposed to hold all this weight on my shoulders. But when I start to show this weakness, you know I've been trained to think that if I do that then people will see me as a weak minded person. But so building that trust with the right people at the right times is so important because if you stay in transparency and if I never really moved truly into vulnerability, I never give any relationship the chance to grow or to expand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or to allow yourself to be held, allow yourself to rewrite the story that you've been telling yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think the first person I needed to be vulnerable with was myself. Actually is to admit things to myself. That was the hardest part. Wow.
Speaker 2:Was there just like a lack of like compassion for yourself.
Speaker 1:Um no, I don't know if it's a lack of compassion. I think it was just a fear of admitting weakness because of the story of I told myself that you gotta be the best, you gotta be the strongest, you got to be the strongest. You can't show weakness. Never let them see a sweat kind of a thing.
Speaker 2:Because weakness didn't equal the best.
Speaker 1:Because the inner dialogue was saying that all the time you know and so to speak it outwardly in a different way just went against all that you know, self, or just the culture inside of me of just holding things in and not sharing. So admitting or maybe just recognizing my worth and trusting and having faith in myself that I am good enough, that how I show up is as a good person you know, and all those things and trusting in that, Um, and then finding a way to be vulnerable with where my weaknesses really are, yeah.
Speaker 1:Is is made it easier to then be vulnerable with somebody else.
Speaker 2:You know it made me think about when we were at fit for service. Okay, because I feel like that was a really beautiful environment where you got to kind of rewrite some of these old stories about you know what what it means to be masculine or what it means to be strong and and what it means to be. You know what you would perceive yourself as being weak and being vulnerable and what I saw, even watching you work through in that situation, which, you know, I'd never seen you in a situation like we were at Fit for Service, in a community of very like-minded, open-minded, very vulnerable individuals all together and being able to see yourself as being able to still be masculine and strong and work through your you know whatever it is you came into work with, but then also going into a group and being like the assignment is to share, yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean the assignment is to share something that is scary.
Speaker 1:Yeah, partner up with this person and we want you to share somebody you've never met or know anything about, the deepest, darkest parts of you, and we had to write, I remember, give you 15 minutes to write that out and then go pick somebody. And you know, then it was just a mad dash, like, oh, looking around it was like, oh, I don't do, I want to share with this person. And then trusting, um, that once it was that exercise of sharing something so vulnerable to absolute stranger. But then, you know, feeling that it was truly accepted and that there was a connection there, because once I shared, that person shared with me, because something that I said resonated with them and it created, you know, kind of a friendship that just right away triggered something, created a connection, a bond.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and so in some ways, you had to rewrite that story in your brain that it wasn't okay to share, to be vulnerable. Now, in this situation, we were in a group that we were all working on very similar things.
Speaker 1:That was clear intentions, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it was a safe group. You weren't just at a club you know what I mean and drinking and then who knows. But I watched you grow in that and being able to be like, oh my gosh, actually this is like a superpower is to be able to recognize what it is that you're feeling, allow yourself to be vulnerable and move into that space, even though in some ways it was like the assignment, it was like this is what we're doing, you have to go try it, but it was you're able to kind of open up and move through and make a deeper connection that you would never maybe have made otherwise without that being the intention. The other thing it makes me think about is how, even eye gazing, you know when we've done we do different group practices.
Speaker 1:Explain a little bit about eye gazing, because maybe not everybody knows what that is, because I was totally.
Speaker 2:Oh, and it's like terror. It is terror because I feel like eye gazing is one of the most vulnerable things that we can do, and eye gazing is something that actually, even with the skin deep cards that we do in the beginning, one of the rules is you're supposed to eye gaze for 30 seconds before you ask these questions and just looking at each other with no talking 30 seconds before you ask these questions and just looking at each other with no talking.
Speaker 2:Yep, it's just we're going to sit down, we're not going to say anything, we are just going to look into each other's eyes for 30 seconds and I'll tell you, the fear that I see in people's faces when we do these practices at Serenity Cove is like, oh my gosh, anything but that you know, silence and stillness silence, anything but that Silence and stillness, silence, stillness, and like somebody just looking at you and seeing you.
Speaker 2:It can feel very, very vulnerable Because, behind your own eyes, you're like are they judging me? Did they even want me as a partner? Do I have something in my nose? Am I this? Am I that All of your fears are showing up and it feels very, very vulnerable. But pretty soon you're just able to like all right.
Speaker 2:At 25 seconds you're like wow, I'm actually just seeing this other person in front of me who is equally vulnerable because they're having to look back at me and let me look at them, and so it's a really great practice in in a level of vulnerability, you know, and really just noticing where in yourself you're holding this fear or this shame or whatever. It is all these emotions that are running through and and what is, what are the things that are stopping us from allowing ourselves to move into a space of vulnerability?
Speaker 1:Fear.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Fear, shame you know, like what, what could happen? What's, what is? What? Is this person going to think of me? Are they still going to love me? Are they going to think that I'm weak, you know? Are they going to use this against me? Are they going to now, like, think that I'm not dependable or I'm not strong, or whatever? I think for myself? That's one of the parts for me that is difficult for me to move into. Vulnerability is like think that, well, I spend a lot of my time being vulnerable and if I'm really honest, I'm not, I don't spend a lot of my time being vulnerable with a lot of people.
Speaker 1:Why is that?
Speaker 2:I think that it's because I have this story in my head that people expect me to be the strong one. They expect me to be the one that has the answers.
Speaker 2:And so when I'm feeling lost or I'm feeling afraid, it is actually really hard for me to call someone and say I'm feeling this, because part of me is going to be like you know what, I'm probably going to get over this, I'm probably going to be fine, I can probably go work this out myself, but now they're going to remember that I was weak or there was a moment when I didn't have the answer, and so if I'm being completely transparent right now and maybe somewhat vulnerable more just transparent is that that is a hard thing for me to do and I don't think about it often, but now that we're talking about it, it's like it's hard for me sometimes to be vulnerable with a lot of people, like, if I'm having a problem with Armando, I'm in trouble.
Speaker 1:Why is that?
Speaker 2:Because you know, that's probably where maybe I'm feeling a little lost about what I do or how should I handle this or me upset me and I'm feeling this Armando is a person that I usually go to and I have no problem being vulnerable with, but if he's if, like my person is not available to me because he's the one I'm mad at, I don't really feel super comfortable just calling someone up and going. I need to talk about this. Can you just hear me out? And I'm feeling.
Speaker 2:You know pain and da, da, da and you know what I have friends that are probably, even if they are listening to this, they're like are you kidding me? You could call me anytime. It has nothing to do with you. It has to do with me and the story that I tell myself in my head about how okay it is for me to feel weak or to feel like I don't have the answer, and even talking about it right now I realize that has really probably stopped the growth of a friendship in where it could expand into, because I don't often allow myself to go into that space.
Speaker 1:Well, we often say you can only meet somebody as deeply as you met yourself. And I think you've been pretty deep. Yeah, and so it's not. It doesn't come from a lack of self-awareness, it just maybe comes from the trust.
Speaker 2:I think it comes from the story I tell myself about who I am and that's a very like that's an automatic response. I think that we all have stories that just run in our, you know, in our subconscious, and I think that's what will stop me so really just even having the conversation now. There's a level of awareness that's even opening on my own ability to be vulnerable. So I mean, in some ways this is helping me.
Speaker 2:I thought we were just going to be giving information but, I'm like, oh my gosh, lena, you could use some more practice. You could use some more practice, you know, and I think if, if you're like me and you're you, you're the one that you know most people expect to have the answer, the one to, you're expected to be the one that picks people up it can be really isolating for you when you have a problem, yeah, to be able to ask for help, cause you're supposed to be the one that has it all figured out. Yeah, and I and I have that sort of like. You should have this figured out, and if you just spent enough time with yourself alone and being quiet, you probably will figure it out. You know, what.
Speaker 2:That's probably true.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it doesn't allow me to but part of it is in a connection. Yeah, one of my um weaknesses. I would prior to becoming self-aware was like you know. I had a hard time asking for help because like you said everybody, I was the fixer, and so what if that changes and I start asking for help? I'm no longer the fixer, and that's what I found my worth in.
Speaker 1:Ah, so it's almost taking away your value and I had a hierarchy in my head of well, if I ask this person, then that puts them above me. It's subconscious, but it was there really.
Speaker 1:And so I would only maybe talk to people that I deeply respected or who had some sort of clinical training, or somebody who I just highly respected, would be somebody that I would share with, but not just anybody. And that could be true, that could be something that is a safe way to go about it, but it really probably hindered me from having more connection with other people, because I looked at it as lowering myself in some way, instead of just seeing each other as two human beings who have all their own issues, thoughts, wants, needs and feelings, and they're going through something and I'm going through something and I just need some, somebody to hear me, somebody to hold space. Seeing it like that is much easier than you know. Tying the whole story of like I'm the fixer, if I say this, then they're going to look down on me, which was all about my self-worth.
Speaker 2:It's a story you were writing.
Speaker 1:So it kept me from being vulnerable for a long time, and even to this day I still have. You know, I didn't even realize the difference between vulnerability and transparency. I always thought that they were the same thing. What are you talking about? I'm clear with exactly who I am, what my intentions are, but that's not vulnerable.
Speaker 2:It's not the same.
Speaker 1:And I now, after this conversation I'm almost playing back conversations I've had, arguments I've had, and really just feeling into the difference in the reaction of the person I'm having a conversation with, I can tell if I'm being vulnerable retrospectively, if I was being vulnerable or if I was being transparent because of the reaction, or you know what happened in that conversation. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I'm slowly kind of untangling going. Yeah, that was that. I thought I was being vulnerable there and there might have been a little bit of vulnerability, but I shifted into transparency, which became something totally different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there was no more growth that was going to happen. You're just giving information.
Speaker 1:I wasn't sticking with me, like what's going on inside of me me, like what's going on inside of me, it it was. Even if I was, let's just say, I wasn't sharing about my partner. I was, you know, like you're saying, if you're, if you have Armando as a person that you have an issue with, but then you can't share with him, like that there would be an issue with that transparency. But let's just say you were then talking to a friend, you, you also said you would still have an issue talking to that friend because of that help, that thing, and that's something that's kind of still remains in me.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to work through that process of being authentically vulnerable.
Speaker 2:Well, and it takes a level of courage to be able to do that. The other thing that it was reminding me of when we were talking is, you know, as children, if you were really kind of tasked with kind of taking care of yourself, you know, and you it creates like a level of hyper independence that you may be less likely to be able to be vulnerable or ask for help, because it's seen as weakness.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then also, if you asked for help back, then you were ignored and you didn't get it and you just go into hyper-independence, yeah.
Speaker 2:You're like well, nobody's coming to help, I have to do it myself, and that can be something you learned in childhood. And then how are you now possibly repeating that story, like is it actually true or is it just like? No, no, this is what I've. This is a learned behavior. I learned that I need to be independent. I can do it myself, I don't need help. And then here goes. There goes your opportunity to actually foster a connection somewhere.
Speaker 1:That led me to seeking constant reassurance, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that that doesn't lead to vulnerability.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you don't necessarily want to be vulnerable, just to gain reassurance. Yeah, that's something completely different too. Well, I like that we brought this up and I hope that people are able to even just look at themselves and to see, you know, where some of these truths might be for them. And there's a couple of um questions that I want people to be able to ask themselves. Um, and then I'd love to if we can kind of lead through just a really brief um breath work, clearing, you know, maybe just a couple of minutes. So if you're listening to this clearing, you know, maybe just a couple minutes.
Speaker 2:So if you're listening to this and you know you're really starting to think deeply, or more deeply, about the differences between transparency and vulnerability and how that's showing up in your life, here's just two introspective questions I want you to ask yourself, and then we're going to move into a brief breathwork session. So if you're not driving, or maybe you can just save this for later when you can sit somewhere still and close your eyes but right now, just asking yourself where in my life do I feel safe enough to be vulnerable and where do I feel the need to be only transparent, and what does that reveal about my relationships and boundaries? The other thing is to ask yourself what fear or belief might be holding me back from fully expressing my truth and what would it feel like to release that. Just asking yourself those questions.
Speaker 1:What would it feel like to release that?
Speaker 2:so right now, if you're able to just sit somewhere quietly and close your eyes down and just sit somewhere where you can have your legs out in front of you or below your hips, have your hands maybe down on your legs, facing down, just feeling yourself in the space, just take a nice big, deep breath in, maybe imagining your breath coming up through your feet, through your legs and hips and abdomen, all the way through your head, and just letting it go, just feeling that connection with your breath, maybe bringing your attention to the tip of your nose, feeling if it's warm or cool, jagged or smooth, just feeling that connection with your breath, feeling a readiness to go in and to cleanse and to clear. And so now, just opening your mouth, loosening your jaw, take a big breath in, imagining that you have a balloon in your belly and a balloon in your chest, and first filling up that belly balloon and then up into the chest and then letting it go, big, deep inhale into the belly, big, deep inhale into the belly, into the chest, letting it go. We're breathing circular and connected and I want you to imagine your breath like a broom sweeping through your body and here we go, big inhale in, letting it go, and with each inhale, I want you to imagine a sense of safety and courage filling your body. With each exhale, I want you to release any fear or belief that no longer serves. You feel the weight lifting with every breath out. Nice, let's take two more big sweeps in here. And as you breathe in, I want you to silently say to yourself I am safe to share my truth.
Speaker 2:As you exhale, I want you to feel a sense of openness, as if the walls around your heart are softening, allowing connection and authenticity to flow and closing your mouth, starting to breathe long and deep through your nose.
Speaker 2:Breathe Long, deep in through the belly, through the chest, letting it go all through the nose, circular and connected. Stay with that breath and with every breath I want you to picture stepping into your truth, fully aligned, fully supported, over and over. Let your breath guide you toward clarity and the freedom to express who you truly are. Two more big breaths in through the nose. Two more big breaths in through the nose, one more big breath in and just letting it all go, just feeling yourself in the space, starting to return to a normal breath, eyes closed, and I just want you to remember that both vulnerability and transparency can have their place in creating connection and clarity in your life, and I want you to take some time to reflect on where you feel safe to be vulnerable. And I want you to take some time to reflect on where you feel safe to be vulnerable and how can you use this to strengthen your connections, your relationships and, especially that relationship with yourself. Big breath in, let it go go with an audible exhale.
Speaker 1:Thank you and we'll see you next time all right, that's been another episode of let that shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lena. Let us know what your questions are and we'd love to use them on a future episode. Or check us out on Insta at Let that Shift Go, or visit our website, serenitycovetomeculacom.