Let That Shift Go
Welcome to "Let That Shift Go," a podcast hosted by siblings Lena and Noel. Join them on their journey of self-awareness as they delve into meaningful conversations about the human experience.
Lena and Noel have decided to break free from the confines of private discussions and bring their heartfelt, and at times, humorous conversations to the public. They believe that we are all going through the trials and tribulations of life, and it's comforting to know that we're not alone.
In each episode, Lena and Noel will explore various aspects of being human, sharing personal stories, insights, and lessons they've learned along the way. From navigating relationships to dealing with challenges, they'll offer a refreshing perspective on life's ups and downs.
Through candid and authentic conversations, "Let That Shift Go" aims to create a safe space for listeners to relate, reflect, and find solace in the shared human experience. Lena and Noel invite you to join them as they embrace change, growth, and let go of what no longer serves them.
Tune in and be part of a community that celebrates the beautiful messiness of being human. Get ready to let go, laugh, and discover that you're not alone on this journey. Welcome to "Let That Shift Go" podcast!
Let That Shift Go
Stop Setting Yourself on Fire to Keep Others Warm
We reframe boundary-setting as an act of self-respect and relational clarity rather than rejection or selfishness, offering practical strategies for honoring personal limits while maintaining healthy connections.
• Boundaries aren't mean—they're maintenance for healthy relationships
• Many of us, especially women, have been taught that being agreeable equals being valuable
• Self-abandonment often feels like love but leads to resentment and burnout
• Saying "no" allows you to say "yes" to yourself and show up more authentically
• Guilt when setting boundaries is merely a sign you're breaking old programming
• Boundaries are the distance at which you can love others and yourself simultaneously
• People who respect your boundaries are showing you valuable information about the relationship
• Useful phrases: "I'm not available for that right now" or "I care about you and also need to honor my limits"
• Reflection questions to strengthen your boundary-setting practice
• Breathwork exercise: Returning to your inner authority
Hello and welcome to the Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noelle.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lina.
Speaker 1:And this is where we talk about the good, the bad and all the shift in between. We just talk mad shift, let's get into it, and on this week's episode, boundaries aren't mean, they're maintenance. But first let's get into these skin deep cards.
Speaker 2:All right, well, I'm going to go first. Yeah, you go first, what does a good friendship mean to you?
Speaker 1:A good friendship. Well, I always. I have this thing where I say like a good. You know, something that I think everybody looks for in a relationship is to know that the other person has their back. You know, like I think, yeah, like in any like business relationship or personal relationship, you just want to know somebody is going to be there or answer the call or respond. I think that's what's what I find most valuable in the relationship. So I would say, you know my closest relationships.
Speaker 1:I know, I just know they're going to be there.
Speaker 2:I would say that's how, one of the ways I see you show up in friendship especially. So it's not surprising to me that that's something that you would feel is very valuable because that's, I think, I would say, many of your friends, and myself included, know that that's a quality in you that's most present.
Speaker 1:I hope so. I think that's kind of like. You know, I've met other people in my life that, I don't know, just made me feel like I was the most important thing in the room when I was around them and I don't know, like they just felt. I just felt like I always had their attention and they made me feel heard.
Speaker 2:Ah, so also that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it was. It was one of those things where that's kind of what I I kind of you know aspire to. I think it's not always there, but you know that's one of those things like, oh, that's a good friend, like I like that, you know.
Speaker 2:I think you do emulate those things.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't know. For me it's somebody who I can be completely myself with. I don't have to put on a mask like literally. You know figures literally or figuratively, but that I can just be myself, because anything else just feels like a drain on my energy. So yeah, I like that question. Okay, what is your question?
Speaker 1:My question is in a parallel universe where I say yes to everything. Where do you think I'd be now? This question man? I just started laughing when I heard it, when I read it.
Speaker 2:Where would you be now? Mm-hmm, you would be coaching men.
Speaker 1:Oh, you think so.
Speaker 2:On a regular basis.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:On moving through a lot of the things that you are moving and have moved through. Yeah, that's how I would see you is just like leading men through breath work Women too but I think that you just have a special knack with because you're very um, you know, you spent a lot of your time being very hyper-masculine and I think many men have done that um to uh to their own detriment at sometimes.
Speaker 2:And so being able to move into the like you're, like this bridge onto both being healthy masculine and also, you know, embracing your own feminine qualities and being able to have emotional maturity and all of that. And so I could see you just doing something like that and being really good at it. You already are really good at it, but I mean on a, you know, even even bigger scale.
Speaker 1:You know what's funny, see, that was a total positive spin on that and I thought that was amazing, by the way, and thank you for that because it makes me feel seen, because I was thinking, oh you know, this is ironic because this episode is around boundaries and stuff and I found myself not saying yes to everything growing, you know, like every, I never I wasn't able to say no to people and I always put everybody else in front of me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wasn't able to say no to people and I always put everybody else in front of me. Yeah, so that's why, you know, when you flipped it and you kind of alchemized it into something more, I was like, wow, see, I already had a different mindset of like man the irony, like I'd say yes to everything, to everybody. And more recently I've tried to find ways not to say yes, to say no to other people, but to say yes to me.
Speaker 2:Oh yes.
Speaker 2:You know, yeah, that is. That's a great kind of lead into this episode, because you know, I think that so many of us throughout our lives have been valued for, you know, being the yes person, or like being valued for, oh man, she'll do anything for you or he'll do anything for you, for, oh man, she'll do anything for you or he'll do anything for you. And so you get this certain amount of like, prestige or, you know, sort of confidence in yourself that, yeah, I'm able to do that, but at what cost. So I think flipping it and saying it's also okay to say yes to yourself is really important, in fact it's the most healthy thing you can do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I mean, I think where I started was with my own internal, like you know, down shortcomings, I would say, and where I ended is what you're explaining is to say yes to myself, to do the things that I want to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what I aspire to do, but sometimes that means saying no to other things. Yeah, and it doesn't make you bad it doesn't make you a bad friend either.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, Boundaries aren't mean, remember, they're maintenance.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, and that's what we're talking about today is boundaries and how we can show up more authentically ourselves, take care of ourselves and the people around us at the same time and actually nurture the relationships on a more authentic level by being completely present when we feel that we are able to, but saying no when we're not able to, you know. So I love the subject. It's also, you know, we're calling out the emotional chaos People keep calling connection. Yeah, because what is it? Nothing says I love you, like slowly burning out and resenting everyone.
Speaker 1:Oh man, I love you yeah.
Speaker 2:I think today what we're doing is we're going to break that myth that having boundaries makes you cold or it makes you selfish or it makes you unavailable, and instead just reframing it as the ultimate act of self respect and relational clarity.
Speaker 2:Relational clarity, relational clarity, but there's this thing about, I think, that that myth of mean that we're talking about is it's why we think boundaries equal rejection, and I think that that's something that really we sometimes, culturally or generationally, we grow up with. I can say, especially for women, because women are, you know, we've often, we're often praised for being nice, being agreeable, and those are the things that get us to feel that we're included in the group, you know. So those early experiences of you, experiences of what we can see as punishment when you assert your needs, can start to kind of train you into being a yes person or just constantly, like you said, self-sacrificing at all costs.
Speaker 1:People will call you selfish for doing the thing they benefited from you not doing.
Speaker 2:Oh, you don't want to do that anymore. You're selfish, it's like well, actually it's me being actually just more aware, cognizant of what my own needs are. Mm-hmm. So I think it's a hard sometimes. It's a hard shift for people because we want to be liked. Hard sometimes it's a hard shift for people because we want to be liked, we want to be included and if our perception is that if we say no or we're not seen as agreeable, then we're no longer a part of that group.
Speaker 1:I think I found myself, you know, early on in life, like when somebody set a boundary I would automatically go on the defensive, Because you think well, something must be wrong, I did something wrong, yeah. And so now what I've learned to do is just like this is not about me, this is about them. They're telling me listen to what they're saying, and they're telling me what they need or what they don't want, and it's not about me. And that's the shift that had to happen first.
Speaker 2:You know what I think the really powerful things, that thing that happens when people do that, is one yeah, it can make the other person feel uncomfortable and maybe feel rejected, but also, if you can do it lovingly and just take responsibility for yourself. You know, in the, in the example, if you're saying, you know that doesn't work for me or this isn't something that I feel like I can do, or whatever, it is like just being really honest about, maybe, why you can't, if you're okay giving the explanation, but also what it does for that other person is start to go oh, you can do that. You can say no and still be loving, or you can still, you know, be there and supportive of your friend, but it doesn't always mean that you're self-sacrificing. So in some ways, it starts to open up permission for the people around you to also do that.
Speaker 1:Relational clarity.
Speaker 2:Relational clarity, but it invites more relational clarity. You know cause? Maybe they're also a person that is, you know, prided on being agreeable.
Speaker 2:And when they see somebody that maybe that they, you know, prided on being agreeable, and when they see somebody that maybe that they, you know, really they love or they respect being able to stand up for themselves and do so in a way that is still supportive but also supportive of themselves, it can give them permission to also do that you know themselves.
Speaker 2:So it is, it's an invitation into a deepening of the relationship with more honesty, but, yeah, it's hard. Invitation into a deepening of the relationship with more honesty. Um, but yeah, it's hard, like sometimes it might feel like you're peeling off your own skin to say no, you know, like you go against your own grain of just being agreeable, um, and it's very uncomfortable, but what happens is the more you do it, and then you know you're calm in the face of that, the question of like, what did I do wrong? And it's like no, you didn't do anything wrong, this is just me, you know, telling you what I need, which is maybe it's to say no to this or I'm not available for this, and you still show up for them, you still love them, you're still their friend. Then maybe it starts to build a new narrative where they're able to also do the same thing and where they're able to also do the same thing.
Speaker 2:And step into that place. But somebody has to go first.
Speaker 1:And you got to create a safe place, right and so, listening, hearing them not, you know, because what I would do is get defensive and then I would start thinking about my response rather than active listening. Yeah, and so then they can already see that and it already starts to go down the wrong road. Yeah, and so staying with the active listening, responding to hearing what they're saying, because I know that I'm going to try to fix whatever's, whatever I've done, or you know, or at least do my best, or let them know if I'm comfortable or not comfortable with whatever their request is.
Speaker 2:You know what I found over the years, because I would say that I was someone for most of my life, and still to some degree even now, that really wanted to be liked. In most situations like whether it was at work or in friendships or whatever, in family things it's like what was most important to me at the time was to be liked. So I would do or say whatever I needed to do to maintain that to be liked.
Speaker 1:Do you think that most people don't want to be liked?
Speaker 2:No, I think most people do want to be liked. I think it's primal. If we're not liked quote, unquote then we're not part of the tribe. If you're not a part of the tribe, then you don't survive. I mean, the most basic primal levels.
Speaker 2:But what I found is that it was costing me. So maybe I would feel a bit resentful. You know that I was having to do this thing that I didn't want to do or participate in whatever way, and I really didn't want to be there. And it's like why am I doing that, like it's really not serving the people that I'm with, that I don't want to be there. The energy of that is translated in some way. Whether that I don't want to be there, the energy of that is translated in some way. Whether you get snippy or you're just kind of cold or whatever, or you go home and you're just completely depleted and so the people that are closest to you suffer. And it was like you know, I'm going to pay either way, I'm going to pay and it's going to cost me, or it's going to cost this relationship. With the story that I was creating on how it would cost the relationship, it didn't necessarily. It wasn't even necessarily true. It was just that, oh, I won't be liked if I do this, and pretty soon.
Speaker 2:I think it wasn't really until maybe late thirties, early forties that I was like you know what? You only got so much time left on this planet, like, how much of it do I want to spend doing things I really don't want to do? Or I don't want to spend doing things I really don't want to do, or I don't want to be there. I don't want to, you know, show up in this way. And so it almost became like time efficiency, you know. It was like, well, I don't want to do it, it's okay to say that I don't. It's going to cost me or my family later because of my attitude or how I'm feeling.
Speaker 2:So pretty soon it was like, yeah, I'd rather just pay this way rather than that way, you know, rather than you like me for something that's really inauthentic, than for you to really just see me and be able to hear what's true for me and still remain my friend and still like me, because, at the same time, if that's not okay with you, then that's information for me. You know, if, if I say I can't um, you know that doesn't work for me, or I can't show up in this way, and if somebody really has an opposition to that that I think is my friend or somebody that I value the relationship with, and they suddenly I'm no longer valuable to them because I won't say yes, then that is actual, very valuable information for me to determine whether or not this is a good place for me or not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you were able to grow from that boundary.
Speaker 2:Yes, definitely, and actually they got to know me better. You know they started. That's like. You know that old saying I think it was gosh. I can't, dr Phil, you teach people how to treat you. So if you're constantly saying yes to things that you don't like and you don't want to do, all you're doing is reinforcing them to ask you again or to lean on you in this way again. So, really, it's your responsibility. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, and so if you, if literally you teach people how to treat you, then what you need to do is say no when you mean no and say yes when you mean yes.
Speaker 1:It's hard to go from saying yes all the time to saying no. There's a guilt behind it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a total guilt behind it and there's like a total story that you start to weave in your head about what it means Abandoning ourselves.
Speaker 2:You abandon yourself. I think it was easier for us to abandon ourselves than to not be liked, and that is, I don't know, from my perspective, especially for women that has that's been something that's very sort of ingrained culturally. You know, like the thing that people would say a lot about maybe men also, but women is like, oh, she'd do anything for you. You know it's like, oh, she's so, she's great, she'd do anything for you, and it's like I wonder how she's doing, you know, being that person for everyone.
Speaker 1:She'd give you the shirt off her back. That sounds like codependency.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but in actuality it's like this is what allows me to show up and stay in connection, right. It's like this is what allows me to show up and stay in connection, right, and not check out, not implode, not resent you no-transcript. That's my responsibility and it's really not fair to the relationship because eventually it'll erode the relationship and what you'll do is just start to check out slowly.
Speaker 1:Unspoken expectations equal.
Speaker 2:Premeditated resentments yeah.
Speaker 1:Premeditated resentments yeah.
Speaker 2:And I would say, like you know, we've talked about attachments, attachment styles, and I would say that, in, in from my I don't know my own introspection, that I've had more avoidant.
Speaker 2:So I will just avoid the conflict. And that is a part of that is like maybe there were hidden resentments that were there and I just wasn't saying anything. And pretty soon I just didn't want to show up anymore and would just like ghost, you know. But honestly, if I could just have said in the first place like yeah, I don't want to do that that doesn't really work for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you would have saved.
Speaker 2:I would have saved myself a lot of heartache and probably the relationship, and maybe I would have given the relationship a chance to be more truthful.
Speaker 1:Because that's the maintenance required to have clarity in a relationship.
Speaker 2:Clarity in the relationship. Yes, right, there's a saying by Dr Thema Bryant that boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.
Speaker 2:You know, and I think that shows up to a lot with, like adult child relationships, like adult child relationships, um, you know, sometimes it's really hard to say, you know, no to a parent, or to, or maybe you don't want to be around your parent but, you don't, you're not saying that you know, and when you're able to maybe say no to something, um, it might make it possible for you to actually show up in that relationship in a way that feels authentic and you can fully be present, instead of sitting there just being really resentful and just burnt out by the relationship Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it does.
Speaker 2:But it's hard, it's hard, it's not an easy thing. I think you can just do it in small steps and maybe just starting to check into what's really important to you. Where do you feel drained? Where are you actually? What you're, what you're doing, is leaking energy, you know, and there's less available for authenticity in the relationship, less available for you, all of that. So but I think it's something people are really starting to connect into is is boundary setting. You know, and I, I, I think when we say boundary setting, I think there's probably a lot of people that cringe because it feels like rejection. It does.
Speaker 1:I mean, I, even from the side of, I feel like I'm rejecting people in some ways. You know, not only from the receiving side, but the giving the side, that's. You know that I'm saying no, yeah, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause if you think about what you said about your, you know, being a friend of somebody who has your back and super.
Speaker 1:You know I tie worth to that you know, yeah, you tie the worth to that.
Speaker 2:So if somebody was not able to show up for you in a way that you felt was important, yeah. Would you then automatically? See that as a rejection or someone who's not a good friend. So that's a question to ask yourself. And is them not being able to be there because something was going on going to be like yep, see, you don't care? That may not be true.
Speaker 1:They might be that they were able to prioritize themselves in that moment because they had something important to take care of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but we can weave a whole story in our head about what it means to be the one that a boundary was set with or to be the one that is setting the boundary. So both sides are going to take like a period of, or a moment of, like self-awareness. You know what is this bringing up in me? Does this make me feel that they they said no? Is this making me feel rejected, you know? And if you say no, are you afraid you're not going to be liked?
Speaker 1:Well, you have to give the permission to the other person that they're allowed to say no. And they're in a lot of interpersonal relationships especially, we have this assumption, especially with our kids and stuff. You know, like they, they, they don't have the right.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1:And in that same way, like I also sometimes feel like I don't have the right to set a boundary, why do you think that is?
Speaker 1:I don't know, I'm just. It just feels that way. It's just like it's a subconscious belief, sometimes, like you just subconsciously think, oh well, I shouldn't, or whatever that is. But you know, now it's being aware that, yes, I do have the right to set a boundary. I didn't before, but recognizing that now is that's that self-awareness, like, yeah, I can say no to that. I'm not comfortable with that and I think a lot of it comes like you were talking about 20s, 30s and 40s and how you start to recognize things that are important and the time left and all those things. And yeah, people would say, oh, grumpy old man, and I would say, no, I just started to realize what I do and don't like and the things I have less time for.
Speaker 2:And that's okay.
Speaker 1:And it's okay yeah.
Speaker 2:But the other thing is, you know, we talk a lot about not taking things personally. You know, in like the Don Miguel Rees, the five agreements or the four agreements, is that nothing is personal. So if somebody says no to you or puts a boundary, why are you taking it personally?
Speaker 1:You know, and we make it mean something. We're disappointed. That we don't get our way is usually what the problem is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or like in the past, if someone said no to you, did that equal that you weren't worthy or you weren't included or something. There's some responsibility for you to take there. If you are taking it personally, if this person really is somebody who's being honest with you about you know what they're capable of in that moment or what they're okay with why is that suddenly become a personal attack for you?
Speaker 1:I think I didn't start to recognize or respect other people's you know perspectives until I started to respect my own time. Because when I started to, when I started to say no to other people, I started to recognize that I was devaluing myself by just spreading all of that and giving everybody everything because it wasn't quite 100% me, because I was not maintaining myself at the end of the day, I think it's prioritizing your own needs which often feels selfish.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and even the word selfish is something that is seen as negative, you know, and it's like well, I think that there's a certain amount of self-care that we are allowed to maintain and protect.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's selfish, it's self-care.
Speaker 2:It's self-care.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Got to build that mental wealth oh mental wealth.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's what I want. I Build that mental wealth, oh, mental wealth. Yes, that's what I want. I want more of that mental wealth.
Speaker 1:But the other one is that boundaries are not just rules you set. They're values you protect.
Speaker 2:Boundaries are not rules you set. They're values you protect. So what? Do you?
Speaker 2:value. You value your own mental health, mental wealth. Maybe you value the time that you have with your family, you know, or the time that you have just for downtime. I mean, downtime is actually important and I don't think that's something that we actually were taught. Like, you know, is this there's I should be doing something for someone else, Then I'm productive, then I'm valuable, and it's what, if you know, just being able to regulate your own nervous system and be able to, you know, pour back into your own cup is actually something that allows you to show up better in relationships.
Speaker 1:Well, we were taught that sitting still is lazy.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, time to lean is time to clean, yeah.
Speaker 1:You're not like you know, meditate what. You're not even allowed to sit Meditate, You're just going to sit.
Speaker 2:I was taught sitting still, and facing the corner is a punishment. Now it's like the ultimate self-care. Yeah, as.
Speaker 1:I said, you know, when I was a kid, being grounded was like a punishment, and as an adult, being grounded is a gift. It's the ultimate gift.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but when we were taught that self-abandonment often feels like love, loyalty or just being easygoing oh, just being easygoing. They're so easygoing and you're valued for that. But then there is a level of self-abandonment that often comes with being quote, unquote easy.
Speaker 1:So go with the flow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like a wiring from from childhood you know if you express a need, you lose love. So those boundaries can feel they can feel dangerous to your nerve. If your nervous system is is not associated with boundaries being something positive or healthy, it's going to be associated with conflict, disconnection or being bad. So you're having to completely, almost in some ways, rewire your own brain to do that.
Speaker 1:It's wild that people literally go broke, burn out or say yes with clenched teeth, just to avoid 30 seconds of awkwardness to say that doesn't work for me. Yeah, I mean literally. For so many years I would avoid saying that just doesn't work for me.
Speaker 2:Well, let's be real, because when you don't have boundaries, you're not being loving, you're being avoidant. I was being avoidant to the relationship, to myself, to my own truth, oh, and that was something that a a hard lesson to learn, um, and it was paid in you know, a lot of different ways emotionally, physically, and until I was able to get better at saying yes to the things that I actually do want to do and no to the things that I don't, there was just this level of being inauthentic in the relationships and to myself, and pretty soon it got to be where, you know, I have to answer to me, and that is the hardest person to answer to. So when I flipped or made that shift, it was much easier for me to say no, because it felt like this is just how I have to do.
Speaker 1:You have to be accountable to yourself.
Speaker 2:I'm accountable to myself, and being accountable to myself is much harder than being accountable to everyone else.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, once that became okay, I could do it with love, I could do it with honesty, and what I found is the relationships that stuck around through that are the ones that were the most worth having, you know, because then they also felt that they were able to say no.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a reciprocity there. To work through it Definitely yeah.
Speaker 2:Definitely, and awareness, yeah. So one of the things we like to do is to kind of like share some things for people to say because, like right now, you know, if you're listening to this, you're like I wouldn't even know what would I say. Like, how do you even start to say no without like a clenched teeth and like tightening up everything in your body? So here's a couple of them, and see which ones feel good to you. I'm not available for that right now. Even saying that you're like oh man, see, I'm not available for that right now. There's a whole like just saying that right now I'm already thinking about oh my gosh, I don't want them to think this, I don't want them to think they're not important, but that's not. That doesn't equal that you know, say less.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm not available for that right now. I'd love to support you. Here's what it looks like for me. I can be there on Thursday. You know I have some time in the morning. Do you want to connect in the morning? I care about you and I also need to honor my own limits.
Speaker 1:That's a powerful one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I think it still feels uncomfortable, but at least if we have some go-tos to depend on at first, when you're like it's like training wheels you know to be able to have some things in your pocket, like I'm going to try this, and you know to be loving and just being able to be transparent and honest and just breaking down guilt, because that guilt is a sign that you're violating old programming.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.
Speaker 2:No. But when you say the words and you feel guilt, it's that you're like you're actually rewiring and it is a sign that you're violating your old programming, that old programming of being easygoing or she'd do anything for you, and it's like if I'm not that person, then who am I? That's a scary place to move into, but it just means that you're doing something new and you're not hurting people by having boundaries. That's the thing. I think we feel like we're hurting people if we say no to something. But the only person you're hurting when you're saying yes to something you don't want to do is yourself. So you're also, you know you're giving them the chance to meet the real you.
Speaker 1:The real you.
Speaker 2:Or leave, and either one, like I said, is information you need. So I think it, one it may you, so I think it one it may you might find that it clears out some relationships that maybe were misaligned in the first place, probably relationships that you probably spent a lot of time in resentment or where you were abandoning yourself. And if that happens, it's okay, because what happens is you make more time, more time one, for maybe you know doing the things that are more aligned for you, or you actually make room for friendships or relationships that are supportive, you know, or you can show up as yourself, and that's a win.
Speaker 2:Either way, it's a win.
Speaker 1:Yeah, surrounding yourself with people that put fires. I mean, put logs on your fire instead of kicking sand on it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, exactly. So here are some reflection questions for people to ask themselves. You can journal with these or just sit and ask yourself right now if you're driving, whatever it is, where in my life am I confusing kindness with self-abandonment? What boundary am I afraid to set and what do I fear will happen if I do? Who would still love and respect me even if I said no? And what's one small doable boundary I can set this week, and how would it support me? So just some questions to ask ourselves introspectively, and I'll bet, even as those come up, you're already swirling with like a few answers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm sure a little soul tickle.
Speaker 2:So little soul tickle.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Shout out to Daphne that, yeah, those little soul tickles are inklings on. You know maybe where there is a shift that you can make. So how do you feel about doing a breathwork practice?
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's do some 10, 20, 30.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's call this one.
Speaker 1:returning to my inner authority, let's find a quiet space or sit or lie down. If you're driving, of course, you know, let's pause.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, dana, if you're driving. If you save this for a time when you have a quiet moment, yeah, and just or just come back to this, this place in the podcast. So just find yourself in a quiet seated position, maybe eyes closed, feeling the ground beneath you.
Speaker 1:Softening your jaw, relaxing your shoulders.
Speaker 2:And just connecting with your breath.
Speaker 1:We're going to do a little breath awareness, just not changing how we breathe, but just noticing how we breathe, tracking the breaths in and out. And in a moment we're going to go for 10 breaths in and out of the mouth, deep, full breaths, all the way into the belly, the chest and into the head, relaxing the breath out. All the effort is on the inhale, staying with breath awareness. And after the 10 breaths, we're going to hold at neutral with the breath out for 10 seconds and I'll lead you through 20 breaths. We'll hold for 20 and 30 and so on. I'll lead you through it all, okay, noticing how you're breathing, and let's get ready to take your breaths In and out of the mouth. Let's go Hold deep breaths in and out of the mouth, inhale through the mouth, exhale through the mouth, keep going as you breathe, begin to ask where in my life am I overdoing my truth? Am I overdoing my truth? Now, at this last breath, we're going to hold the breath out, counting down 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, three, two, one. Now we're going for 20 breaths. Let's go Deep, full breaths. The belly, chest, the head feeling full breaths. All the effort is on the inhale, relaxing on the exhale. Let the breath become stronger now, in through the mouth, out through the mouth a little faster With every breath. Clear the tension of people pleasing, clear the pressure to be easy, agreeable and accommodating. Keep going, let your exhale be release of your old roles the good girl, the reliable one, the peacekeeper. Almost there, keep going. Just a few more. On this last breath we're going to hold, Let it all the way out, holding for 20 seconds here 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10. Keep going, you're stronger than you think. A few moments. We're going to go for 30 breaths. Here we go. Three, two, one. Let's go for 30 breaths. Deep, full breaths, deep, rhythmic breathing, like you're breathing life back into your boundaries.
Speaker 1:Inhale, I deserve this space. Exhale I honor my truth. Keep going. Inhale my no is sacred. Exhale my yes is honest. We're almost there. Deep, full breaths, belly chest head. Let the breath carry you back home to your own authority. Almost there. On this last breath, we're going to hold at the bottom, at neutral, at neutral, holding 25, 24, 23. Hold and feel the quiet strength inside you, a self that doesn't need to explain or apologize. Feel the energy of self-respect settling in. When you're ready, release that breath.
Speaker 2:Breathing in through the nose, gently Place your hands over your heart, over belly, and repeat inwardly my boundaries are not rejection, they are repair. Take a moment to thank your body for remembering your truth. You are safe. Just start to feel the ground beneath you, feel the energy running through your body, feeling your heart beat in your chest. Feel your connection to your heart beat in your chest. Feel your connection to your heart. Just let it all go. Feel yourself in the space. Start to move your hands, your feet, bringing movement back into the body, gently blinking your eyes open, and just know you're not too much, you're not selfish.
Speaker 1:You're just remembering that you matter too. If you're afraid that setting boundaries makes you the villain, just remember your nervous system is tired of playing the hero in other people's stories. All right, that's been another episode of Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lena. Let us know what your questions are and we'd love to use them on a future episode. Or check us out on Insta at LetThatShiftGo, or visit our website, serenitycovetomeculacom.