Let That Shift Go
Welcome to "Let That Shift Go," a podcast hosted by siblings Lena and Noel. Join them on their journey of self-awareness as they delve into meaningful conversations about the human experience.
Lena and Noel have decided to break free from the confines of private discussions and bring their heartfelt, and at times, humorous conversations to the public. They believe that we are all going through the trials and tribulations of life, and it's comforting to know that we're not alone.
In each episode, Lena and Noel will explore various aspects of being human, sharing personal stories, insights, and lessons they've learned along the way. From navigating relationships to dealing with challenges, they'll offer a refreshing perspective on life's ups and downs.
Through candid and authentic conversations, "Let That Shift Go" aims to create a safe space for listeners to relate, reflect, and find solace in the shared human experience. Lena and Noel invite you to join them as they embrace change, growth, and let go of what no longer serves them.
Tune in and be part of a community that celebrates the beautiful messiness of being human. Get ready to let go, laugh, and discover that you're not alone on this journey. Welcome to "Let That Shift Go" podcast!
Let That Shift Go
Stop Explaining Yourself: The Revolutionary Act of Being Still
Have you ever noticed how uncomfortable silence can be? In this deeply reflective episode, we explore why quiet feels so threatening in our noise-filled world and how reclaiming silence might be the most radical power move of all.
Growing up in vibrant, expressive cultural households meant we learned early that to be seen, we needed to be heard – often loudly. Many of us carry this programming into adulthood, filling every moment with noise, from background music to constant social sharing. But what if this compulsive need to fill space and explain ourselves comes from a place of fear rather than strength?
We dive into the transformative distinction between secrecy and sovereignty. While secrecy implies hiding, sovereignty means being secure enough in yourself that you don't need external validation or explanation for your process. This subtle shift changes everything about how we show up in relationships and healing journeys.
Through personal stories, we illustrate how "strategic patience" – the practice of intentional silence – creates space for deeper understanding in conversations that would otherwise devolve into defensive reactions. Rather than immediately making situations about ourselves, silence allows us to hear what others are really saying beneath their words.
The most powerful leaders often aren't the loudest voices in the room. True power moves begin internally before manifesting externally. What might change in your life if you let your energy be felt rather than just your words being heard?
We close with a guided breathwork session to help you experience the clarity that comes from intentional stillness. Remember: you're not missing out by being quiet – you're tuning in to something much deeper.
Hello and welcome to the Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lina.
Speaker 1:And this is where we talk about the good, the bad and all the shift in between.
Speaker 2:We just talk mad shift.
Speaker 1:Let's get into it. And on this week's episode quiet is a power move. This one's for the people who are pulling back, tuning in and realizing that being low key is not a weakness, it's actually a radical reclamation. Oh yeah, but first let's get into these skin deep cards.
Speaker 2:All right, let's do it you want me to go first?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you go first this time.
Speaker 2:What's the most recent thing you've learned about life? You know actually.
Speaker 1:I learned a little bit from last week's episode in the stop, lying to yourself kind of a thing and just recognizing where I'm not taking accountability for my own actions. I've been trying to be very present with you know how my actions affect other people, but taking accountability for how my actions affect myself. Oh yeah. Has been something that I've been really resonating with. Yeah.
Speaker 2:How your decision-making affects you your, your yeses and your nose. Yeah, yeah, I like that.
Speaker 1:My question is how is your relationship to time different than mine?
Speaker 2:Well, I don't think time is real. That's a whole nother episode. How is my relationship to time different than yours?
Speaker 1:Jeez, what to time different than yours. Jeez, what I feel like I'm pretty fast paced and I feel like I'm on the constant move.
Speaker 2:Where you're kind of what am I then?
Speaker 1:I don't. You're like living more with the flow.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right, I'm good with that. I'm good with that. Um, yeah, I think. Sometimes I think like time will take care of itself, but I am very mindful of time, like I like, you know, to be on time. I like people who are on time, all of those things.
Speaker 1:So time is important.
Speaker 2:It is, you know it, kind of. It is a stressor sometimes.
Speaker 1:Do you not like to be late, or are you I?
Speaker 2:hate being late. It stresses me out, it makes it goes into a whole story in my head about I'm being disrespectful of their time. I'm not prepared. You know all all the old stories. If somebody is late for me, I'm like you don't respect my time, I'm not important, so I it is. It's related to all these old stories that are from old pains. But you know, I think I'm getting better at realizing that's not necessarily true. It's. You know there are things that happen and doesn't mean one thing or the other. Also, I have more time on the planet than you.
Speaker 1:Just a few, yeah, so let's talk about this topic. Quiet is a power move.
Speaker 2:Yeah, why silence feels threatening to other people?
Speaker 1:feels threatening to other people.
Speaker 2:The difference between secrecy and sovereignty Okay, yeah. Well, what would secrecy be is like I'm hiding something, and sovereignty is yeah, I'm good. I don't need to explain it to you. I'm just, I'm a sovereign being, I'm okay with me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sometimes if, when I'm like, I go through periods where I post more than other times, and sometimes the silence is like is he not healing, is he? What is he doing right?
Speaker 2:now, if you're not, if you're not posting, why you can't be healing?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm just, you know, respecting my process.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Cause there's times when I feel like sharing and then there's other times that are, you know, pretty powerful and I feel like um speaking about them only kept keeps them revved up in my mind and keeps me focusing on the negative.
Speaker 2:Or like why do you feel like you need you know, or why do you or some people feel like they constantly need to be affirming it or looking for validation of their own process instead of just being with it? So there's something there. There's a saying about quiet. People always know more than they say. Wise people speak because they have something to say and fools because they have to say something, they always got it.
Speaker 1:I've been that fool a lot of times. We all have.
Speaker 2:Silence can be really awkward for people too. It's like. A lot of times we feel like we have to fill the silence and it's it's. Maybe it's just okay to be in silence. It's not always okay to just fill it with, you know, kind of nonsense.
Speaker 1:I feel like as an adult. You know I always have to have music playing in the background because the silence is sometimes uncomfortable.
Speaker 2:Why do you think that is?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I mean, I do like music and to keep myself upbeat.
Speaker 2:I think that's what I tell myself, but then you have to hear your own thoughts.
Speaker 1:if it's quiet, I guess. So, yeah, I find myself ruminating into more serious thoughts while I'm working on something, as opposed to just getting into the jam of music. So I find myself most often, you know, listen to audio books or playing music even while I'm at work, or even at home. You know, there's not a lot of silence. I don't. I don't think I grew up um where silence was valued or respect.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's, it's. You know, we grew up in in in Asian household where everybody thought everybody was yelling, because that's just how we talk. Why are you, why are you yelling at me? I'm not yelling, that's how I talk. Everybody's got so much energy in their, their voice, that we feel like we. I felt like I had to yell just to get heard.
Speaker 2:Well, that's something I have to speak up or I'm going to get forgotten if I don't speak up or if I'm not being heard. And even culturally, a lot of cultures like Filipino, mexican, italian, you know, and many cultures like it's we, they speak loud. There there's constant, you know, interaction and sometimes I felt, like you know, we were fighting for attention. You know, in order to to be seen, you have to be heard.
Speaker 1:And sometimes there was always these I'm just thinking back to, like some of these family gatherings where there were the few that were quiet and observant.
Speaker 2:Were. They deemed the weird ones.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I never, I never really thought of them. I don't think people talk to me about them as if they were the weird ones. They just weren't seen.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:But I do realize you know retrospectively that those were also some of the more calm people and more wise, I would say.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and when they did speak it was like wow, that was good, that was valuable.
Speaker 1:Like Chad said, they had something to say. This time, shut up, you don't always got to say something.
Speaker 2:Well, and it can also be like a trauma response, so like noise as a survival strategy, right Like hypervigilance, over-explaining, people-pleasing. That's a lot of mental energy and also it is it's kind of like filling the uncomfortableness. So, but what is quiet really? What do you think it's?
Speaker 1:I think it's that pause. It's like cultivating the observer. I think for me like building the pause or the silence between my reaction to whatever the stimulus is Um yeah, it's that emotional regulation and like, yeah, it just gives me gives me some time, cause I think I've been so reactive and rather than responsive and um, uh, you know, finding that place to stay quiet and, and most times you know, if you stay quiet, the person has so much more to say. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I learned so much more because I've always been from the side of the conversation that I'm always the one dominating the conversation and over speaking and oversharing and I find myself now trying to be the observer, and it's so much more fulfilling, I think, on this side.
Speaker 2:Well, we've talked a lot about in the podcast and the. You know, in the past was that deep listening.
Speaker 1:Yeah, intentional listening, deep listening.
Speaker 2:So listening deeper to what someone is saying, instead of automatically feeling like you need to react. So many of us, even when we're in conversation as someone speaking, you're already thinking about your response instead of actually like listening.
Speaker 1:And it becomes a competition, because I can see in your eyes when you have a response and I'm like it's waiting.
Speaker 1:And then it revs me to go wait, wait, wait, wait, let me, let me finish my thought, and then sometimes I'll lose my thought in that moment and I lose that track. So you know, if, if, energetically, even even if you don't say anything, to stay calm in that in, in not even react with any kind of body language, sometimes can be, you know, beneficial also, I found, because people react to me taking a breath oh, he's, he's trying to emotionally regulate.
Speaker 2:He must be. I'm pissing him off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've upset him, you know, and so literally silence, with even my breath is just being still, has been so much more helpful to just understanding the situation that I'm in.
Speaker 2:Can you think of a time or a situation when you were able to be silent and it actually paid off Like it was a better option?
Speaker 1:I don't have a ton of them because I haven't spent a lot of time being silent. If you know me, you know. Yeah.
Speaker 2:More recently maybe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, more recently, there was some sort of event that Ellen and I were supposed to go to. Or I wanted her to go with me, and I think we had already had supposed to go to, and, or I wanted her to go with me, and I think we had, we'd already had plans to go, and. But then when I got home after work, it was there was a shift in energy somehow, and then she wasn't going to go, and I thought it was all about me. I was like what did I do? Did I say something? How did I mess this up?
Speaker 1:I'm trying to, you know, be, you know, be on my my best behavior, if you will. And so, rather than reacting, which I would have normally, be like what the fuck? What did I do this time? What is it like? Come on, can we just get along? You know, I wanted to say all those things, but I just sat with it and um just kept, you know, going on with with the afternoon and um, shortly after maybe about 30 to 45 minutes, she started to share about her day, and then it became really obvious that all of her stress and the shift in energy was because of work and had nothing to do with me, and it was such it felt so good.
Speaker 1:First of all because it was a weight off my shoulders, cause for 45 minutes I was holding like what did I do? What did I do was a weight off my shoulders because for 45 minutes I was holding like what did I do? What did I do? And I should have just been okay with you know listening and making space making space and holding space, because that gave her room to open up into it. And that wouldn't have happened if I would have reacted in the way that I normally had.
Speaker 2:So, instead of just going into, maybe the more natural reaction is I must've done something wrong, because you're already in the impression that you were trying to do your best, so you must not have. And then that would have led to an argument, probably, and really blowing up a situation where you know she's already had a hard day and now it's getting worse.
Speaker 1:I made it about me.
Speaker 2:And now you made it about you when all the while it wasn't so there was, you know, the ability to kind of recover from, probably for her too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean for the day and then she'll feel invalidated if I make it all about me and you know all of those and then she doesn't get to have anybody hold space for her and her hard time of the day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, and that and that would have made this situation much worse.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it was a very difficult thing to stay quiet and you know I felt like I needed to defend myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Um, but I've been working really hard on knowing that I'm always doing my best you know, and, like we said before, like I just got to trust that I know the integrity that I have is to try to do. I will always try to make up for something that I feel, whether somebody feels that I've done wrong or you know, in some way. That's you know appropriate.
Speaker 2:I think it's harder for me to like come up with, give me how you know a number of times that you've been quiet and it led to a better outcome. I think it's easier for me to recall all of the times when I didn't do that and it didn't lead to a better outcome, you know.
Speaker 2:And then later I'm looking back, I'm in like why did I, why did I even kind of lose myself in that situation? Why did I lose, you know, control over my thoughts or, you know, went into and kind of made a situation much worse?
Speaker 1:Well, for me it was like I was afraid that I was going to be unseen or irrelevant, or like my needs weren't being because I really wanted to go to this thing. So those were all the reasons, you know. It was important to all those things and those things are still those things are still important.
Speaker 2:The whole, I think, even looking back at this situation, was you just even giving it 30 minutes, even giving it five minutes sometimes can make the room for something else to occur? Yeah, is, and I'm not the, you know, I'm not being spoken directly to is just like just listening, just listening to conversations from the observer point of view and just getting curious like that. Getting curious sometimes just leads to an opening, because I can feel, even when I am curious and I'm looking at someone like, oh, you know, like eyes raised and like tell me more. There's so much more to be gained from that than just giving my reaction or my interpretation of what happened and just allowing there to be room for the person to keep opening up, you know. So I feel like I'm finding more and more that that's more helpful and it's less that I have to think about like don't say this, you know, and just kind of coming in with a sense of curiosity, you know to I wonder what this is about, instead of assuming I already know and then I need to react to it.
Speaker 2:But I think it is sort of a I don't know, maybe it's more of like a strategic patience that you're training within yourself, too is just to listen. So, you know, maybe going into the next conversation that you're going to go in, whether it's hard or easy, is just to practice being curious and being patient. And part of what we're talking about too right now is like when you're, if you're someone that's in the process of healing, if you're working through a lot of old patterns or a lot of old wounds, you know, maybe it's there is some benefit in just kind of honoring like you said, honoring your own process in that and not needing to constantly tell everyone and get their opinion about it and get their validation around it. Maybe there's just a part of being able to honor the quiet in you, to be able to process whatever it is you're going through. I think there's room for that as well.
Speaker 1:So not just in like conversations and, you know, not going right into reaction, but also just having silence for yourself and share with people sometimes, but there's definitely a line where it becomes too much, and so how do you think you know that? Where's the cutoff for you when you feel like you're oversharing and it's doing more damage than it is good?
Speaker 2:I think you have to kind of know your audience Meaning. If you're going to share, make sure it's with someone you really trust, like someone that you trust to be able to hold that space for you of letting it be whatever it's going to be, not trying that, not necessarily having someone who's going to need to feel like they have to fix it or that they they're uncomfortable with holding your pain you know, or anyone else's.
Speaker 1:I have this thought that I should ask myself what is my intention with sharing with this person. Because, I have some friends that I know energetically they're going to help rev me and keep get me angry. Or I have some friends that are just going to hold space like a grand canyon and allow me to express, but I I sometimes subconsciously, without even knowing I'll call a certain friend just so I can get that type of reaction.
Speaker 2:Which one?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I mean, um, maybe somebody who's gone through a similar situation that's equally revved or angry about that.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's almost like commiserate, yeah, yeah yeah, like a commiseration, yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, I mean really being clear about what it is that you're doing.
Speaker 1:Like are you trying to find a?
Speaker 2:commiserator, or are you trying to find someone just to hold space and listen? But the truth is, you know, a lot of growth happens in the dark and in the unseen and in the private moments, and that's okay too, right. Just giving honoring, like you said, honoring your own process, because not every transformation needs to be broadcast, you know, sometimes is kind of going in and really being with what's there and being able to be comfortable in that silence and be comfortable with what does come. Maybe you don't have the music on all the time and you're just able to be with your thoughts you know, for as long as we're practicing.
Speaker 1:Well, I feel like I'm, you know being. I feel like I've I've always been kind of like ADHD. So, and being a mouth breather and constantly in my sympathetic breath, my nervous system is always in fight or flight, so my adrenal gland is always pegged over on the rev limiter to the absolute limit. I felt like my whole life and through silence and through the stillness, I found a way to kind of let that drop down to an idle you know, and in those moments I find the most clarity. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's only through silence. Yeah, and it was really through silence.
Speaker 1:You know, in in. It was really hard for me to find that sound Like everybody's talking about meditation and we've talked about this a lot, and it wasn't until I had breath work, because I think it was more. I don't know if it's a masculine thing, but it was counting and it was repetition and it was, and that breathing was, it was more, it was like an exercise and and as soon as it was shifting the pH in my blood and I started going to alpha and theta, I was like Ooh, what is this? And I found the silence is where I allowed my nervous system to just come back into regulation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and do you feel like in that silence too there was more clarity?
Speaker 1:Yeah, certainly. Yeah, it was almost like you'll probably see it. You know we'll do a 10, 20, 30 breath work at the end of this and it's it's a very similar feeling where it's just almost like noise canceling, headphones kind of just fall on.
Speaker 1:You know especially in the restorative part, and and that adds like a level of suppression to the outside experience. I think and I'm just focused on the internal like what's going on, with me asking myself you know what I mean. Where am I feeling stuck? What's, what's, what's keeping me turning right now? Why am I not at peace? Or why am I at peace? Or you know the opposite. It doesn't always have to be in those like why am I feeling so bad? It could be expanding on like what's so great about today, kind of thing, so it can go both ways, but I think the way that I found more peace in life is being able to find some way to turn off that. You know, let off the accelerator, if you will, with my nervous system.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like that. And you know, the one of the things, too, it talks about is like just being. You know how, like how leadership is is affected by being able to be, you know, strategically quiet, right, because quiet leaders lead by presence, not necessarily by performance, and a lot of power moves are often internal right Before they're external. So I think there's something about if you've ever been around someone who is who's sort of sitting there in the quiet, but just with their own knowing there's, they're comfortable in their body, they're comfortable in the silence, comfortable being in whatever space it is. There is this sort of powerful presence about that. Instead of that anxious, I got to speak, I got to, I got to let you know this, I got to be the loudest person in the room. Those aren't always the most powerful leaders. Sometimes it's the one that's just like uh-huh, yeah, most powerful leaders you know, sometimes it's the one that's just like uh-huh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I see that the loudest one in the room. Is it always the most powerful speaker, or yeah?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not the loudest person in the room. Sometimes it's the most quiet person in the room, you know, because there's a sense of maintaining your own power. So I think there's a lot to be said for just being able to just be with silence, or even if it's just your own internal silence, when everything is going on around you, like there's not. Everything requires your reaction or your input, and sometimes that reaction or input is more is not from a place of being response able. It's more from being a place of being reactive. You know, or what are you needing? Are you needing validation in this? Are you looking for commiseration? What is it and do you does that? Is it really necessary to just constantly be speaking out?
Speaker 2:and every single thing Does everything require your input.
Speaker 1:It really doesn't.
Speaker 2:No, and sometimes it makes the situation worse. And if you can, you sometimes walk. I know many times I've walked away and went. Why did I even say that?
Speaker 1:I mean I, I, I find myself I always wonder why. I was like why does all the crazy stuff happen to me and I don't? I? I'm always meddling. Oh, so maybe that's why all the crazy stuff happens it is because, you know, I, I, for some reason, I think that I need need to involve myself in all these things. But if I could just sit as the silent observer, I probably learned so much more about what's going on.
Speaker 2:And maybe choose more wisely what you want to be a part of or not.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I'm much better at that now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, be a part of, or not? Oh yeah, I'm much better at that now. Yeah, I think now I'm definitely get back to like yeah, I don't think this requires anything from me, I'm going to I need to exit stage. There is nothing really good for me to contribute, so how about I just don't? That's also a choice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the power moves are, you know, often internal before external. Right, right, that's, it starts within.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but we got to get to a place where you're comfortable just even in your own silence. So I think there's some good questions for us to ask ourselves and hear a couple of them. Where in my life am I being loud out of fear rather than intention, and what would it feel like to just let my energy speak for me instead of my words? And where is life inviting me into more stillness right now? So just be able to ask yourself those questions and, in the silence, let the answers come, yeah, reflect on those questions and when you're ready, let's get ready for a just a short breathwork session, just a 10, 20, 30 noel's going to lead us through it closing down your eyes.
Speaker 1:well, if you're not driving, if you're in a safe place, please pull over or pause here and just find yourself in a seated position, comfortable, feeling the ground beneath you.
Speaker 2:When you're ready, just find that connection with your breath, get still.
Speaker 1:Let your breath Get still. Let your breath guide you inward. You're not missing out, you're tuning in. We're just entering into a little breath awareness here, slowly breathing in naturally without changing how we breathe, straightening the spine, relaxing the shoulders and the jaw, breathing naturally and in a few moments we're going to go for 10 full breaths in and out of the mouth. We're going to feel the belly, the chest, the head, just imagining the full, deep, complete breath and then relaxing on the exhale 10 times. I'll lead you all the way through we're and then relaxing on the exhale 10 times. I'll lead you all the way through. We're going to hold at the end of 10 breaths, with your breath all the way out at neutral for 10 seconds. I'll count you down and then we're going to go for 20 breaths, hold for 20, 30, and hold for 30. Let's get ready, settling in. Let's go for those first 10 breaths, 10 breaths.
Speaker 1:Notice where you feel pulled by noise validation or urgency, by noise validation or urgency. Notice where your body longs to be left alone, not because it's shut down but because it's sacred. Full breaths all the way up, all the way out, relaxing on the exhale. We're almost there on this last one. We're going to hold holding nine, eight, seven, six, five. You're doing so good. Keep holding two, one. We're going to go for 20 breaths. Let's go Deep, full breaths.
Speaker 1:Belly chest head, in through the mouth, out through the mouth. Clear the pressure to post, to prove, to explain. Clear the need to narrate your healing Exhale the obligation to be visible in order to be valuable. We're halfway there. Keep going Deep, full breaths. You've got this. What if you can give a little bit more, a little deeper? You might feel a little tingling, a little lightheaded. Trust your breath, never sacrificing the depth of your breath. Oh, deep breaths.
Speaker 1:Belly chest head, almost there. A few more breaths and we're going to hold at the bottom. Here we go, holding 19, 18, 17, 16. You're so much stronger than you think. 12, 11, 10, 9, 8. In a moment we're going to go for 30 breaths. Hold in and here we go. Let's go for 30 breaths. Deep, full breaths All the way up, all the way down. Get still, let your breath go inward. There you go. Inhale Silence is sacred. Exhale Stillness is strength. Let your breath become your sanctuary. Keep going. You've got this. Deep, full breaths. We're almost there. Keep going. Big, full breaths all the way to the top, nice, circular breaths. We've got our last few breaths to go. We're gonna, and at the bottom we're going to hold, holding, holding, gently. Feel the power building in the pause. No performance, no explanation, just presence. Let the quiet restore you. We're almost there. Hold as long as you can, and when you feel called to, we're going to take a breath in through the nose, gently, gently. Silence isn't a lack of something. It's the presence of self-trust.
Speaker 2:And just feel yourself coming back into the space, breathing in through the nose, bringing it into the belly, the chest, letting it all go with your exhale. Feel the ground beneath you, shake out your hands, let your shoulders drop down. Shoulders drop down. And just remember your energy is allowed to be felt, not just seen. And you, you don't have to be loud to be powerful. Just let that shift go.
Speaker 1:All right, that's been another episode of Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel and I'm Lena no-transcript.