Let That Shift Go
Welcome to "Let That Shift Go," a podcast hosted by siblings Lena and Noel. Join them on their journey of self-awareness as they delve into meaningful conversations about the human experience.
Lena and Noel have decided to break free from the confines of private discussions and bring their heartfelt, and at times, humorous conversations to the public. They believe that we are all going through the trials and tribulations of life, and it's comforting to know that we're not alone.
In each episode, Lena and Noel will explore various aspects of being human, sharing personal stories, insights, and lessons they've learned along the way. From navigating relationships to dealing with challenges, they'll offer a refreshing perspective on life's ups and downs.
Through candid and authentic conversations, "Let That Shift Go" aims to create a safe space for listeners to relate, reflect, and find solace in the shared human experience. Lena and Noel invite you to join them as they embrace change, growth, and let go of what no longer serves them.
Tune in and be part of a community that celebrates the beautiful messiness of being human. Get ready to let go, laugh, and discover that you're not alone on this journey. Welcome to "Let That Shift Go" podcast!
Let That Shift Go
"Who The F --- am I now?" : A Journey Through Grief
What happens when your entire life changes in a single week? After 30 years in high-tech, 27 years of marriage, and raising two children, Nicole Rousseau suddenly found herself navigating life as both a new widow and recent retiree—all within five days.
Nicole's story reveals the raw, messy, and often unspoken truth about grief in American culture. With remarkable candor, she describes what she calls the "three chapters of grief" and the particular challenges of anticipatory grief while caring for her husband through both dementia and ALS. "You start losing them before you've really lost them," she explains, describing the years of invisible grieving that preceded his death.
Rather than staying in her home of 25 years surrounded by memories, Nicole made the bold decision to sell her home and move from the Pacific Northwest to Southern California—challenging conventional wisdom about avoiding major life changes after loss. "I wasn't running from anything," she shares. "I was running to me." This radical reinvention allowed her to discover who she is beyond the roles that had defined her for decades.
Nicole's journey illuminates the transformative power of grief when we're willing to sit with it rather than rush through it. She describes grief as a magnifying glass that shows you all your imperfections, fears, and uncomfortable emotions—forcing you to confront parts of yourself you've long ignored. Through this process, she discovered new passions in sound healing, somatic work, and coaching, finding purpose in helping others navigate their own grief journeys.
The most profound lesson from Nicole's experience is what she calls the "six G's of grief": gratitude, grounding, grace, going through, grit, and group. These elements form a powerful framework for anyone navigating loss of any kind. As she powerfully states, "You've got to feel it to heal it"—there's simply no way around grief, only through it.
Have you experienced significant loss or major life transitions? Nicole's story reminds us that even in our darkest moments, transformation and unexpected joy are possible when we face our grief with courage and an open heart. Follow us on Instagram @LetThatShiftGo for more conversations that help you navigate life's biggest challenges.
Hello and welcome to the Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.
Nicole :I'm
Lena:And this is where we talk about the good, the bad and all the shift in between.
Nicole :We just talk mad shift.
Nicole :Let's get into it, and on today's episode we have a very special guest, nicole Russo. Dear friend, and for everyone who's listening, who's navigating grief in some form, this episode is for you. I want you to stay tuned and I want you to listen with your heart and just open. And I want to introduce Nicole to you today. She is a powerhouse of resilience, reinvention and raw honesty and after a 30-year career in high-tech, 27 years of marriage and raising two children, nicole found herself navigating life as a new widow and recent retiree, all within the same week. All within the same week, and so trading the rainy skies of the Pacific Northwest for Southern California sunshine.
Nicole :She's now exploring the intersection of grief, of healing and purpose through life coaching, sound healing and intentional living, and her story is one of deep loss but soulful curiosity and unexpected beginnings. So welcome Nicole. Nicole, I'm so glad that you're here and I'm so glad that you agreed to do this, and you have been walking through the you know, through this with unimaginable courage and curiosity, and I remember when I first met you, I was like there was such a light here. I mean there was such a curiosity about life, and without any there was no closeness. It was just like I'm ready for what's next, I'm ready to see what's next, I'm ready to see who I'm supposed to meet next and do next, and it was really beautiful and inspiring, and I'd love for you to begin by telling us what made you say yes to sharing your story today.
Speaker 3:Well, first thing, thank you for having me. I wanted to share because I don't think we oftentimes we don't talk about grief and the impacts of grief here in the United States. It's just something, you know. It's kind of taboo, yet it's part of our universal experience. It's something everybody's going to go through one way, shape or another, and you know I want other people to know they're not alone. I want to honor my experience and I want to honor my husband and my family and my kids for what we went through. It's a lot, but grief isn't. It's not always super scary, but it is messy. Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's incredibly messy, and that's okay. We all kind of make it through on the other side and I think if we're patient, we actually find some beautiful, beautiful gifts. Yeah, thank you for letting me share.
Nicole :I'm so glad that you're here. You know, I don't think that one. I think like even in the West, we don't even talk about death as being something being natural and something that we're all going to go through. I think we all. We try to avoid it, like you said, being tab, taboo, and nobody gives you like a guidebook on how to navigate, you know, grief or loss in a way that feels useful sometimes.
Nicole :Yeah, you know just something about the way it's supposed to look and you know kind of like one word liners about how you should carry on, but it doesn't really address like the depth of what you go through, the metamorphosis you go through as a soul, in that sense of loss, yeah, and you know where does that leave you and I know that you experienced so much in just one short week and I want to talk about, like, what was that like for you? What? How did you feel about like where your life was taking a shift in all of that?
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, I think, when I look at grief, I think about there was like these three chapters.
Speaker 3:There was like what was happening before I learned about all of this, and then what happened during, so the anticipatory grief and what was happening kind of leading up to that, which was just super surreal. And then what happens after. And you know, I think the anticipatory grief period super rough, right, because you're not understanding that you're really grieving, but that's what you're doing, like that's what's happening to you. You're thinking about the loss and it's kind of building up, building up, building up. And then suddenly it's there and it just happened, you know, to be five days before my husband passed. I mean, I knew he was on his way out.
Speaker 3:You know, I got laid off and there I was just kind of sitting there like oh my gosh, like this, what the fuck do I do now? Yeah, what do I do now? I mean it's and I had so many other changes about ready to happen. You know my kids were on their way out, my daughter had just graduated and was getting ready to move to Colorado for a new job, and so it wasn't just one. You know, I was like you know, I was a wife yesterday and now I'm a widow.
Speaker 3:I worked for a tech company and now I don't. I, you know I have kids that I've been raising and now I'm going to be a what do they call it when you're an empty nester? So I was kind of experiencing all of the life's changes at the same time and I had already known I wanted to move my life forward, which is super hard in what I would call limbo land. That was the land before you know. I knew things were coming up. I wanted to move forward so badly and yet you couldn't, like I still had responsibilities. And then boom, here I am Now. What do I do?
Speaker 3:So, I booked a trip to Europe. I spent three weeks in Europe, and a good chunk of it by myself. I'm just kind of wandering the streets of London, one of the most beautiful places in the world. I spent some time I met my brother and his friends in Spain and then went to an awesome retreat in Greece, and in that time it was just super cool. I was just kind of like wow, like this is, I don't have to worry about anybody right now but me, and that was probably different than you were experiencing Huge Like I still worry about my kids there's never going to be a time that I don't worry about them.
Speaker 3:But it was like the first time I just got to sit and go crap and yet, like crap, this is super cool, yeah. And you know, kind of picking through what I would call the rubble, like I would write pieces about grief on my Facebook page. It was part of my. What I've learned now is my mourning process and understand there was a difference between grief and mourning, and you know it's like grief is your internal experience, kind of what you're feeling, and like the visceral, the visceral it's like the angst.
Speaker 3:It's everything in your body. And then there's mourning, which is how you externally share that story, and I didn't realize that's kind of I've been mourning for years leading up to the event. Yeah, so it was kind of beautiful just being able to sit and be with me and kind of think about all right, really, what's next? Yeah, so I've been thinking about moving and changing my life. You know my job before I wanted to move before my husband passed and kind of began to slowly start a new life and wasn't able to do that. So I'm like fuck it, I'm just going to do it.
Nicole :Why not now?
Speaker 3:I sold our house, like you know. 25 years of being in the same house, a lot of memories there, um, beautiful memories there, sad memories there, um. But it was time to you know, kind of let that shift go. Yeah, I gotta let it go. I mean, it's I could have, you know, chosen to stay there and grieve, or I could just I could take the red pill.
Nicole :Yeah, and you can't untake it, and you can't untake it.
Speaker 3:So apparently that's what I chose.
Nicole :Yeah, how was that for you with, you know, even family or friends who maybe had different expectations of what you should do or shouldn't do. Did you have to experience any of that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, had different expectations of what you should do or shouldn't do. Did you have to experience any of that? Yeah, I mean, there's a whole bunch of unwritten rules or written rules about grief. Like you shouldn't make a bunch of changes in the first year, and you know I'm. How did you navigate that? I just decided that.
Speaker 3:You know, none of those individuals have been part or in my lived experience. Like I know me, and if I stayed in that same place then I was going you know I was just going to. I think I would be sadder, like it was like because we'd lived in the same place for 25 years. Like you know, my kids grew up there, all of our neighbors you know the same neighbors for years, and I think there was just a part of me.
Speaker 3:I wanted to be able to say that, like I can do this on my own, I want to live my life on my terms, not based off of the roles that I had, you know, been living for years. You know the role of wife, the role of mom, the role of neighbor, the role of, you know, corporate America, like all of these things I'm like well, what I don't want to see, what I, what am I like without it. And so I think people were mostly supportive and you know, my brother would have been the first one to call my bullshit if he thought I was doing something stupid. But I had really been thinking about moving way before, you know, my husband passed and knew that I needed a new beginning for me.
Nicole :Yeah, I think too often, you know, not everyone understands the process of what's happening before someone passes and when you're talking about, like the pre-grief the anticipatory grief, like you've been doing. You probably had been doing that for some time, and, while the passing of someone is new to the neighbor or the friend that hasn't seen you in a long time, you've been experiencing that anticipatory grief for a while before it happened.
Speaker 3:Many years Like I think I mean one of the things my husband had dementia and ALS, so two of the what I you know what I consider the most horrific diseases you know somebody could have, and on the dementia side you start losing them before you've really lost them. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Right. So it's really like there was a woman that once said you know, yeah, these are like that's a special kind of of torture, trying to be a caregiver for someone who is experiencing both. And you know, in my husband's case he did not understand, he was sick, so it made it worse, like you know. So it was like the same conversation over and over again, where most ALS patients actually know that you know what's happening with their body. So you know, I had been grieving and experiencing loss for many years up to that, and you know so I think you know it. It was hard, heartbreaking. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And yet there were some absolutely incredibly beautiful gifts that happened.
Speaker 3:you know, through the experience. Once I kind of let go and started allowing for those experiences to show up, I got to say the most beautiful goodbye to my husband, where you know, while he couldn't say it, he could just sit there and look at me and I swear we said goodbye just looking at each other in the eyes and dancing to our favorite song. I had his hand up and kind of waving and I had one hand on my heart and you know. So there's some, there's beautiful parts of the goodbye, if you allow it.
Nicole :You're able to open yourself to see it, if you can open it up and like it's certainly it's not easy.
Speaker 3:I was a train wreck for a couple of months. There were parts of times where, you know, I think looking at the end of it I had asked, my therapist was like I go holy crap, I actually can't believe I made it through all this shit and she goes me neither. And I was like wait, you realize that was your out loud voice, right, like holy shit. And she's like, yeah, but think about all of the things that you've learned through the process. You know different ways to emotionally regulate, different ways to take care of my body, my mind, my spirit. You know what might have crippled most people?
Speaker 3:I'm like no like I'm going to do this, Like I'm strong, I'm a strong-ass, beautiful woman. I can do this.
Nicole :Yep, I'm stronger than even I thought I was. Yeah. Like I'm strong. I'm a strong-ass, beautiful woman. I can do this. Yep, I'm stronger than even I thought I was, yeah. And when you're held to the fire.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Nicole :Yeah.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. I think that's like one of the many lessons of grief is really the grit. Like you know I'm definitely stronger than I ever thought. Yeah, like you know, I'm definitely stronger than I ever thought. I was carrying the weight of you know on my shoulders, of you know, making sure that my husband had the best last few months of his life, or last year of his life, in a pretty shitty situation and still trying to work.
Speaker 3:You know you got to keep benefits. It's very expensive, putting you know, having somebody who was actually in memory care and you know it was tough. You know worrying about my kids and how they were doing and yeah, and then I think there were moments where we all didn't cope well. It wasn't pretty and that is very messy and I think we've all kind of learned. You know so much about each other through the process. Yeah, you know how to give each other grace.
Nicole :Yeah, through you know nobody's perfect and yeah, yeah, and you get to really find out when you're made of, you know, when you're held to, that Like you can't run from the experience, no, no no, Like grief.
Speaker 3:grief has this way of like taking a magnifying glass and showing you all of your imperfections. It's like, hmm, there's your fear. We're going to kind of dig in. You get to wallow in that for a while. Hey, how about all those uncomfortable emotions? You're going to kind of dig in. You get to wallow in that for a while. Hey, how about all those uncomfortable emotions? You're going to get to sit with them. Yeah, I know you don't like it, but we're going to do it. We're going to have fun.
Nicole :Look at the way you think you control anything. Oh no, no, you're so cute you know what I mean. It shows you, it shows you yeah, and you can't look away.
Speaker 3:You can't, and some of that's part of, again, the transformation of you know, I get to look at all of these pieces of me. Right, it's just kind of at the end you ask like what was that moment like? It was like all my little puzzle pieces that were neatly stacked on top of a jack-in-a-box.
Speaker 3:I mean, people may not even know what that is anymore, but you know, and then all of a sudden, all my pieces were shattered everywhere and I'm kind of sitting there looking at them going, all right, well, which ones am I going to take with me? And I gather some of them up and I think there's a frustration when some of them don't fit where they used to. You're like, well, wait a minute. I'm like I used to always be able to like blah and it doesn't fit anymore. And you know being okay with that. It's like all right, well, I guess that piece doesn't get to come along the journey with me and that's okay, that's not going in my carry on anymore and it's so cool, like it's kind of.
Speaker 3:It's kind of been a cool experience because I I can pull it forward and pull it towards me and go okay, I love it, I have so much gratitude for that experience or whatever that gift was, and then I let it go, and so a lot of letting go along the way.
Nicole :How has that shaped your answer to the question who the F am I now?
Speaker 3:I remember you asking that. I'm like, holy crap, no, how is it shaped? I think one I've allowed myself to one sit in it and really think about those pieces and love the shadow parts and embrace really I hadn't really looked at in years. So it's. My sister-in-law had said at one point she's like you seem so different. I'm like, yeah, you know what? I'm more me than I have ever been because everything is stripped away. Yeah, you know, you're just like when you're looking at all your pieces and deciding which ones, it's like you are the most vulnerable. Yeah, which is scary Like vulnerability is just a super scary word. Yet it's so beautiful. Yeah, it helped me, I think, find my authentic self.
Speaker 3:When you put down all the masks, all roles all the masks, all the roles all gone and I'm like, yeah, here I am, nice to meet you. It is, it is, it's. It is kind of like looking in the mirror, going holy shit, I haven't seen you in a while you've been there the whole time.
Nicole :I've been there the whole time.
Speaker 3:So, um, you know it's, it's beautiful, it's kind of scary. Yeah, the unknown is scary, but also like that's where I feel like all the magic and the beauty is. Yeah, like you know, if I were to stay and then there was magic and beauty, I had like a great support system. You know, it's not like I was running from anything. I was running to me. To yourself. I was running to me. I'm like I want to know me without anything else.
Speaker 3:I literally knew two people here in SoCal in the area I'm in and was just like I want to start over. I just want to know me.
Nicole :I love that.
Nicole :I love it because I know that you know when people don't understand what you've been going through for years, especially in the process that you're in, and they just hear that someone's passed and they hear that well, now she's moved, they might look at that and think she's running to which you need to shift sometimes just to find yourself and just to be with yourself.
Nicole :And the courage that it takes to do that, to move into places that you're not familiar with, because it's so much easier to stay with the familiar, even if the unfamiliar is not so great. But you know it, you know how to do it. And the courage it takes to go into something that is completely unknown and there are no guarantees and just be like, yeah, I'm in for it, I'm here for it, you know, because literally you've been through hell and it's like come at me, life Like what else? You have no idea what I'm capable of surviving, and so all of those things that you think are going to scare me are almost laughable or absurd in some way with what you've actually had to endure, with no escape from it.
Speaker 3:It just you have no choice but to just be in it fully, exactly and I, and I think, like, like I'm, I'm the girl that's afraid of her own shadow like I don't watch scary movies.
Nicole :I um like well, when I do like, usually my hands are a jacket over my head, your protective fingers that make a small slit, that small slit, and even then, I'm like uh, um, yet like I.
Speaker 3:So I've sat through a bunch of the things that just scare me and I'm like why, why was I letting some of that, you know, drive my my fear? Like, why was it? Why was that? So I think it's been a good experience just sitting in it, sitting with it, not being afraid of it. I'm not being afraid of the experience, not being afraid of the unknown, because how does it ever become known? Yeah, you are the unknown.
Nicole :Yeah, I love that. Um, I want to ask you about this. You know it's been what one year? Has it been a year?
Speaker 3:What has surprised you most about grief one year in Well, um, and I kind of knew this, but like I think there was a part of me like, yeah, I want to negotiate my timeline with grief and really there's no timeline. I think it's surprising on how it affects other people, like I think, even through the process, you know, there would be people that would, you know, they saw you and they're like they just kind of avoid you and I'm like, you know, I still see you, like I know, but I think it's other people's avoidance to you know, to grief, and maybe because it's so close right, like they would have to look at it like, oh my God, what happened if that was happening to me, you know, if, if her experience was mine. So I, you know, I think that was surprising at first and then I think also the whole period, I called it like sand fog, like after it happened, I like it was like I couldn't feel. Like after it happened, I like it was like I couldn't feel, but I could feel everything and everything that I would do. It was like sand that would be in my head. Yet it was, you know, stuck. It was just the craziest thing.
Speaker 3:So being able to like thick, thick fog, yeah, like, and so problem solving not super good, like I remember, I got myself to the grocery store and I run in and I come back out and there were two doors there was the one that goes all the way in and then the one on the way out and I got stuck in between them and I am literally like sitting there and there's like a little tiny gap and I keep looking at it and I just start crying Like the tears would just come from nowhere. So I, you know, I didn't literally all I needed to do. A man walked up and he goes. He was like you should go tell people about that. I was like, oh, hell, no. I'm not going back.
Speaker 3:I'm only going forward. This girl is heading out, so I think it was. You know problem solving and the fact that you know grief just shows up when it wants to. It could be a song, it could be like his toolbox, you know finding, like one of his business cards. You know it. Just it shows up unexpectedly and that's something that you know. You just sit with because you don't get to negotiate with it.
Nicole :It doesn't ask you for permission.
Speaker 3:No, it's now like an opportune time that I could come, and it's no, no no, I'm saying we're going to sit and right now we're going to have the moment, and so I and I think like there was a part of me, because I had had such a long period of time to, in the anticipatory grief part, that I think I had told myself a story.
Speaker 3:It would be easier on the other side. And yet scary, right, because there was limbo land, and I'm like, okay, well, I'm stuck here and I can't move forward and I want to, and yet I have responsibilities and I want to honor all of those responsibilities. And then there's widow land of holy crap, he's gone, he's gone. And so I think that it was surprising, in just like how many times the grief pops up unexpectedly. What else would surprise me?
Nicole :How did you start to allow yourself to just allow yourself to be with it, you know, instead of like fighting against it or trying to avoid those moments of the visitor of grief coming? How did you just start to say, uh, they're here again. How do I allow myself the space and give myself grace to just be with this?
Speaker 3:I think it's. I look at it as a way of honoring him and me and I, you know I had spent years, you know, kind of being super frustrated with him because of the dementia, not understanding really all that was wrapped up in that dementia, that it really wasn't him anymore. Yeah.
Speaker 3:So I think the surprising side on the other side, in those moments it's spending time with the memory of him and falling back in love again, and I don't know if that makes any sense, but it's, you know, so frustrated and put all these walls up during, you know, the limbo land so I could be protected and continue to move forward. And then on, you know, on the widow land side, where all your vulnerability, all your stuff is out there and I'm like, oh, I see you, like I can see him again. I can see him now through the diseases, which is beautiful, and this was a man that loved me more than life itself. And you know being able to sit and you know experience that love where I wasn't really allowing myself to do that in the anticipatory timeframe.
Nicole :The limbo land, so actually looking at some of those moments as being beautiful.
Speaker 3:They're beautiful. They are beautiful. It's beautifully messy. It's a beautiful messy gift and I think it's hard to see it when you're in the moment because it hurts and yet it's. There's some absolutely beautiful gifts inside of that.
Nicole :When you allow yourself.
Speaker 3:And you got to look. Yeah, you got to look too.
Nicole :Yeah, I love that. Are there any myths that you wish people understood about grieving?
Speaker 3:I think one that there's a timeline. I think a yeah, I think there's a timeline, that there's a way you're supposed to feel like again. You're not supposed to move and do all of these things, but really what you need to do is listen to you and you know I've met people who, on this journey, who got married right away after their spouse passed, and then I've met, you know, some that you know years could never do that, and so you know, I think it's really respecting that there's. Everyone has their own experience with it and it doesn't fit into a box.
Speaker 3:It doesn't fit into a nice pretty box. So yeah, what else would I say?
Nicole :I don't know right now. How did your relationship with yourself change during this time? I know you said you got to meet yourself, but I want to know like what is that relationship with yourself now?
Speaker 3:Well, I really like who I am. I really like who I am.
Nicole :I'm enjoying, you know, just spending time doing the things that I like to do.
Speaker 3:Discovering what those things are Discovering.
Nicole :It's rediscovering me.
Speaker 3:Rediscovering yeah, it's just rediscovering. And you know, again it's looking at some of those pieces and like, yeah, that doesn't fit. Or, holy mackerel, why haven't I been doing that? I miss that. My love for writing, like I have really. I've spent a lot of time. Probably most people would say you know, shouldn't share on social media, but it definitely became a outlet for me as part of mourning. I would look at a picture and I could just really sit with it. I'd match it with a song that I could feel, so that I could experience that entire moment. And.
Speaker 3:I'm like, oh, that's joy. Like I went through years not being able to experience joy and now I know joy. I know joy and it rides with me every single day.
Nicole :Did you get any feedback from people who were also on that journey with you? Reading, watching, that surprised you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean one. It became a huge support system to me that I didn't know that I had became a huge support system to me that I didn't know that I have, that I had. You know, I think when you're up against a disease like what we were dealing with and dementia specifically, you're kind of embarrassed about some of the things that are happening and it becomes very lonely and isolating and you don't reach out and that became a way like me slowly sharing. It became a way to one share what was happening and, you know, receive love back. Yeah, but also I did have several people reach out saying, holy mackerel, like you know, I didn't know you were going through that, here's what's happening with me, and so it was like you know, you find camaraderie or like a community like you find camaraderie or like a community, and it was good to know that some of me sharing it makes it more hopefully less taboo for others to be able to reach out for help.
Nicole :Yeah, because I think that's the thing we think we're supposed to do it all alone. We're supposed to be strong. I don't know I was superwoman, Like I totally thought I was superwoman.
Speaker 3:I totally got this. I'm a strong ass woman. Don't ever underestimate that and you know what grief did Sat my ass down and time out and said we're going to talk about all of that, review everything and hold it up to the light. Hold it up to the light. But I think for me it was like it's been beautiful having people be able to relate to the experience and, you know, hopefully it gives them some of the. You know like I post some of the things that have worked for me in terms of a healing process, especially like when I was going through as a caregiver. I was not always emotionally centered and I spent a lot of time doing yoga, pilates. I got fascial massage really doubled down on sound healing, somatic journey work and just learning how to move the energy which was grief and sadness sitting inside of me and being able to move it out, being able to work with horses and the beauty that they bring and the coherence that they bring with you, and so, yeah, lots of amazing techniques as part of all of it.
Nicole :A lot of different pathways to healing that maybe people wouldn't be thinking of.
Speaker 3:For sure. And I have my therapist like don't get me wrong, but I think it's the yeah, it was being willing to explore other things, because there's no one size fits all in your process and one technique may not work for you know, for me, but it may work for others and I just wanted, I wanted to keep trying no-transcript.
Nicole :That can get really feel, really stuck and stagnant. So I love that you have included that in your process of of not just grieving but living.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's I. I did not understand really how energy affected my body.
Speaker 3:I like I've always been a super intuitive individual. But you know, when I finally realized that anxiety is just energy that has no way to go and I've been very anxious my entire life high expectations of myself, super driven and super anxious, and I did not know that that energy that was stuck there. You know that it was stuck and so it wants to move, it needs out. And it was through a process where a friend of mine had been getting certified in somatic healing and she was like you know, I got to take somebody through 10 sessions. I'm sure she was thinking this girl's going to be easy. I'm like, oh sucker. And but it was.
Nicole :It was the most life-changing experience ever and learning what was that moment of this is a life-changing experience. What was what happened?
Speaker 3:I think it was just you know the feeling. It feels different. That's all I can say is like when the energy leaves, it's like you know, it's like, oh, I didn't even know that was stuck there. It's trauma, it's you know, it's an experience, it's a moment, it's uh, um, so yeah, it's it's like somebody says give me that ton of bricks and lifts it away from you and you're like whoa, I didn't know, I didn't know I was carrying that, I didn't know yeah, so it's, it's.
Speaker 3:Uh, you know, you know, I think it was a common, it was a combination of things, but I do think that was life changing.
Nicole :Yeah, I'm so glad you found that pathway.
Speaker 3:Yeah, me too.
Nicole :What are the things cause? I know you recently moved to California, so how has that changed? That change your energy or your perspective?
Speaker 3:Well, it's not rainy every day. Being in the sun is super healing for me and just, you know, being able to. I'm 45 minutes from the beach now and can take myself there whenever I want. I think it's just, it's felt healing. I call it my healing house, the house that I'm in. It's beautiful. I have a little sound room where, like, I've got my sound bowls and I play every day. So it's just, it's been, it's my healing house, it's my healing space.
Nicole :So you are. You've been exploring sound, healing coaching retreats. How did those callings come to life?
Speaker 3:Well, I like. First of all, I love well-being. I started my positive psychology certification during COVID and just fell in love with understanding all the aspects of how to live a life, a purposeful life, and I'm also hugely passionate about technology and some of the technology that comes the biohacking involved and so definitely want to explore that and coming to your place and seeing how you have integrated some of that into the healing experience. It's phenomenal. It's phenomenal. So I think it just, you know, I feel like when it lights your passion, you've got to follow it.
Nicole :You can feel that full body.
Speaker 3:yes, it's a yes. It's a yes.
Nicole :Like wild horses, could not keep me from this.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and because of the changes it's made in me. You know, the sound healing has been a big. You know, also moves energy Frequency. Yeah, playing the bowls is just. There's nothing that, it's just beautiful. Yeah. It's an incredible experience of shifting energy, shifting focus, being present in the moment.
Speaker 3:Being present in the moment and the retreats you know I had looked for retreats for my kids and I to go to to, you know, to begin, to, you know, continue to process, and I want them to have the skills. You know that it takes to, you know, to kind of make it through this crazy world, and grief certainly doesn't make that easier for you. And yet there were no retreats, really for grief that focused on the healing process. So I would love to be able to give back. I feel like passion being healing and well-being and technology aligned with purpose, of being able to give back and I love being able to coach and mentor people. That was something I love doing as part of my career and being able to bring that all together in a time of need when somebody is really struggling, and showing them, demonstrating all these different techniques that maybe you don't get to touch in everyday life. If that makes a difference in just one person's world, that would be good for me.
Nicole :I feel like your life, your journey of your life, even from working in tech through the grieving journey, like you have been building the curriculum for exactly where you are right now, like literally like squeezing every bit of the juice out of every lesson that has come your way and having to like look at it up close, put it up to the light has sort of I don't know beautifully built this house that you're in now of your life. What does joy feel like to you now?
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh, it feels well. First of all, it's just wonderful. I you know I look at life so differently. Like I look at all the things that used to just stress the shit out of me and now I'm like, well, why was I so worried about that? And what was I worried? Like that's crazy why, and what it did to my poor nervous system. I think I was so dysregulated for so many years which stopped joy.
Speaker 3:When you're in the midst of grief and everything that was happening. Joy is just a mystery and now, just sitting with it, it feels pretty awesome, it feels pretty awesome, I'm not going to lie Like it's just.
Speaker 3:It's just nice to not supposed to feel joy when you're grieving, and actually it's the opposite. It is like the best way to demonstrate the love that you experienced, because your person would not want you sitting in a big pile, you know, in your jammies eating chocolates. I've done that Crying, listening to sad songs Totally did that. Don't want you doing that. They want you out experiencing life. So to me, that's the best gift that you could give to your loved one is showing that joy in yourself.
Nicole :I love that and really you've already answered my last question, but if there's more that you want to add, because the question is, what message would you share with someone listening who's in their first year of loss?
Speaker 3:It's probably the same. I got like six G's of grief that I came up with, and the first is gratitude and being grateful for all of the lessons, all of the love, all of the people who supported you along the way. Gratitude, just gratitude. And then grounding, which is really being able to find those ground, the strategies that ground you, that bring you back to the here and now, so that you know again. That could be yoga, it could be sewing, it could be horseback riding, it could be, you know, it could be anything that makes you kind of feel old again and be in that present moment.
Speaker 3:So there was grief, there was grounding, or sorry, grounding. There's grace. Grace was the other one. Grace, you know, it's not perfect, it's super, super, super messy. Yeah, and I didn't. Again, I didn't know what I didn't know, and I think so it's giving grace to yourself, it's being graceful to others, because not everybody can support you along your journey. They can't sit with you when you're in your pain, and that's not a reflection on you, that's a reflection on where they're at. And it's not a bad thing. It's not about judgment. It's just that you know, not everybody can do that, and sometimes you're not going to handle your shit right and you've got to give yourself grace and forgiveness in that experience and I think that's true of both in limbo land and in widow land.
Speaker 3:The other one, g, was oh, going through, so you may think that you can schedule your grief you can like. There's no way to go through this, but you got to feel it to heal it.
Nicole :Yeah, period Can't go around it, can't go under Yep. Period Can't go around it, can't go under it. Nope, can't go over it.
Speaker 3:Nope, You're going to go right through it, and, and and I. I think the other one is grit. Yes. It's like you. You're stronger than you know. You made it through like this horrific event and now you look and you're like, okay, now recognize the strength that you had as you went through that.
Speaker 4:And it doesn't just disappear, it's something you carry with you, you get to take that with you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and now it's like whoa holy shit. I made it through. So I think it's that grit and the last. So is that? Am I at six? Yet I don't know.
Speaker 3:I don't think so so group, okay, group community. Get your community, find the people that can support you. Understand that again, not all of them. It could be through. I went to my first, my very, very first grief group. I was telling somebody else about it. It was like, hey, you should go to this grief group and I'm like, wait, why am I not going? So I went and it was beautiful. It was beautiful, it was called Waves of Grief and, you know, being able to find people who can understand you know, not everybody understands the experience and that who can understand. You know, not everybody understands the experience. And that's okay, they will someday, because nobody gets out of this alive.
Nicole :We're not escaping it.
Speaker 3:That's not no. So yeah, so I had grace, grief, grit, gratitude going through and group.
Nicole :Group. I love that You're going to have to like publish this book at some point that you've been writing for some time. Right now, with your life, I think I have been writing it you have been, I think, a lot of it is posted on Facebook.
Speaker 3:When I look back and read through some of it, I'm like holy crap. Yeah, like I like. When I started thinking about doing this, I wanted to honor myself and my experience, my children and their experience, my husband and their experience, and I wanted to be able to give back. Yeah. And if it's a way that you know again, if it just helps one person who knows they're not alone, that they can make it through. It's like, if I can do it, you can do it.
Nicole :Yeah, I like to just picture if this podcast was reaching you one year ago, how that may have helped, you know, just to feel that there is a way through and that you're right, you're not alone and it doesn't need to look a certain way. No, yeah, I just I really applaud your courage for coming on today and I'm so happy you did.
Speaker 3:Thank you. Yeah, I remember my daughter like I think I shared with you that before I came in I was like she's like are you nervous? I'm like, oh my God. Yes, I'm super scared. And she's like why You've already lived the hardest part, yes, scared, and she's like why You've already lived the hardest part.
Speaker 3:Yes, so we've lived the hardest part we made it through and might as well enjoy the ride. Now we're going to enjoy it Now I am going to enjoy the ride. There is, it's going to happen Like I look at life, so differently. It's beautiful. I look at great, I look for beauty every single day in everything In the clouds, in the water, in just people walking by. I experience life, living in the present moment now.
Nicole :I love that. I hope everyone who's listening can take that piece of it with them. Whatever you're training yourself to look for, you will find it, and if it's looking for beauty, if it's looking for grace, it will show up for you. Thank you, nicole, thank you for being with me today and we will have you back on. And to all of you listening today, I hope that you can send this on to someone you love or find some comfort and joy in it yourself. And thank you for listening. We love you.
Lena:All right, that's been another episode of Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.
Nicole :And I'm Lena. Let us know what your questions are and we'd love to use them on a future episode. Or check us out on Insta at Let that Shift Go, or visit our website, serenitycovetomeculacom.