Let That Shift Go
Welcome to "Let That Shift Go," a podcast hosted by siblings Lena and Noel. Join them on their journey of self-awareness as they delve into meaningful conversations about the human experience.
Lena and Noel have decided to break free from the confines of private discussions and bring their heartfelt, and at times, humorous conversations to the public. They believe that we are all going through the trials and tribulations of life, and it's comforting to know that we're not alone.
In each episode, Lena and Noel will explore various aspects of being human, sharing personal stories, insights, and lessons they've learned along the way. From navigating relationships to dealing with challenges, they'll offer a refreshing perspective on life's ups and downs.
Through candid and authentic conversations, "Let That Shift Go" aims to create a safe space for listeners to relate, reflect, and find solace in the shared human experience. Lena and Noel invite you to join them as they embrace change, growth, and let go of what no longer serves them.
Tune in and be part of a community that celebrates the beautiful messiness of being human. Get ready to let go, laugh, and discover that you're not alone on this journey. Welcome to "Let That Shift Go" podcast!
Let That Shift Go
Rest Is Not Weakness
We explore why rest feels hard and why doing nothing feels like failure in our overstimulated world. Stillness often brings up what we've been avoiding, making vulnerability feel scary.
• Our addiction to being overstimulated comes from inherited beliefs around productivity
• "Capitalism and trauma pairing" describes how our culture glorifies burnout and devalues rest
• Rest shouldn't be something earned - it should be deserved
• Many of us struggle with over-functioning and tying our value to productivity
• Social media scrolling isn't actually rest - it's stimulation and avoidance
• Real rest means allowing ourselves joy without needing to be productive
• Our nervous systems need downtime to repair and process
• If rest makes you uncomfortable, it's a sign you're letting go of survival strategies
Check us out on Instagram at Let that Shift Go or visit our website, serenitycovetomecula.com.
Hello and welcome to the Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lina.
Speaker 1:And this is where we talk about the good, the bad and all the shift in between.
Speaker 2:We just talk mad shift, let's get into it. So we're going to talk about something radical today, and it's not ayahuasca or open relationships. We're talking about rest. I know terrifying.
Speaker 1:But first let's get into these skin deep cards.
Speaker 2:All right, let's do it. You go first.
Speaker 1:All right, I'll go first. What's a reoccurring thought of yours that you imagine everyone else must have?
Speaker 2:Um, I'm not doing enough.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm not doing enough. I should have done that better. You know, I think that's probably a reoccurring thought that a lot of people have.
Speaker 1:I think that's a pretty common one. That's a good one.
Speaker 2:No shocker there. That was kind of easy.
Speaker 1:So what's your question?
Speaker 2:Okay, my question is if I was a texture, what would I be and why?
Speaker 1:If you were a texture, I think, of like 70s, like super long, long carpet, like really long. You know what I mean like a shag. Like a shag rug, because there's layers to you. You know what I mean. It's hard to know what's up there. You know there's plenty of beauty on the surface but, man, there's layers to you, so there's some like dirt underneath.
Speaker 1:Have you shook it? You never know. I mean, we haven't even talked about the padding underneath yet, but just but just the surface is the texture of you. I would say it's a shag carpet the animals living in there. Get lost.
Speaker 2:It might smell bad too, but all right, I can go with that. I like it. Okay, that was from our amusing deck.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so today we're talking about overstimulation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, why does rest feel hard and why does doing nothing feel like failure? And I think that we're all pretty low key addicted to being overstimulated all the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think like stillness is like, you know, my version of a horror movie, you know quiet. It's scarier. Yeah, it's scary. I got to have music or something going in the background all the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think you know what. I think a lot of people experience this and I don't know that we actually realize that we do it, realize that we do it. You know, I think that we're so addicted to being busy or to being productive, like that it just rest, doesn't feel neutral, it just brings up what we've been avoiding oftentimes, like being still sometimes can just bring up what are my thoughts, what's going on here? So that's one thing. It's like resting can sometimes feel scary just because what it brings up, you know, like oh my gosh, I'm going to have to deal with maybe the feelings I've not wanting, I've been waiting, I'm wanting to avoid and for many people, just sitting still can feel like vulnerability. I think part of it too is like where are we? Are inherited beliefs around being productive, and that's one thing I've noticed too with a lot of people is if you were praised for being so active, right, like, think about, like even a lot of kids today. They have like three or four different activities going on.
Speaker 2:You know, you've got to get to soccer, and then we got to get to this, we got to get to that.
Speaker 1:Tutoring and education and all of those things on top of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like where, where do we even learn, even as children, that it's okay to just sit and just be? You know, like there's always going to be, like there's this thing that you're accomplishing or you're doing Otherwise, that you know, are you even valuable? You know, or oftentimes, was your um? Did you get attention for being so productive, you know, or did rest feel like something that had to be earned and not just deserved? So I know for many of us that that was not the case. And there was this term that we that was brought up when we were researching this, and it was capitalism and trauma pairing and both of us were like what the hell? What is that? And it's just it was like, oh my gosh, you're right, because capitalism is like about productivity, you know.
Speaker 1:So it's like we're built into our entire life and we're raised with capitalism is you don't got time to. You got time to lean. You got time to clean. You got to be, you got to move, you got to be making money. You got you're. You're sitting still. You're being lazy.
Speaker 2:Yep, you know, it's kind of ingrained into you and so, like living in a culture that just runs on caffeine, cortisol, capitalism and productivity, like almost as this, this new right, and, like you said, like if you're not hustling, are you even trying? And even we try to rest, like quote unquote, we try to rest, we feel guilty. You know. It's like well, I could be doing that because rest isn't actually honored. It's like pathologized, like are you depressed? Why aren't you doing this? And we don't even need someone on the outside, you know, questioning us. It's like this voice sometimes just lives rent-free right in your head.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Capitalism said grind till you die, and my nervous system said bet. Now I'm twitching in my sleep, calling it ambition.
Speaker 2:At least you're doing something while you're sleeping.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, but it just even in my sleep I dream about being productive. Sometimes you know, that's the curse.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or what you didn't do. You know what you should have done. Even rest doesn't feel like rest. I know for me, like there's been times when, you know, since I went into business for myself, like at any time I would sit down. It was like no, you could be doing this and for a while I was like being I would just make myself super busy all the time and it made me feel like I'm okay, like I'm really busy. And then I realized, man, I'm exhausted. And then I thought, well, who's making me busy? Like it's just me. I'm the one setting my schedule, I'm the one doing this thing and realize, like, man, if I'm not available for everything and keeping myself busy, I suddenly feel unworthy.
Speaker 2:You know, like there's, there's some I'm missing the mark somehow and that was an old story. I didn't realize. That really is an old story. That just lived, you know, on repeat in my head. And so even making myself sit down and go no, you are going to sit down and you're not actually going to do anything, you're not going to post anything, you're not going to create anything, you're not going to work on the website, you're not going to and you're not going to fold laundry just so you can watch something on television, like that's. We don't have to do that.
Speaker 2:You can just sit down and it's actually that's something nourishing for you to do, but it went against everything in me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because sometimes we justify doing things like that. It's like, oh you know, cleaning the house or cutting the grass is something that brings me calm, but that's not actually resting.
Speaker 2:No, it is a way, maybe, for your nervous system to rest, because it's like you've earned the rest, and that might make you feel more comfortable is that you earned the rest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's the key is not to feel like you've had to earn that rest.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's where a lot of us get uncomfortable when there's an availability of time to rest, or we feel like we have to go on vacation because, like, well, now I'm vacationing, so my job is to rest.
Speaker 2:You know, you have to actually leave your environment and actually be away from it in order to be able to allow yourself to sit down and thinking about how you, you know, as you grew up, like that, um, I and I'm I was so guilty of this is, you know, when it was time to clean, everybody better clean. You know, like, if I'm cleaning and you're laying on couch, no, you're going to, you're going to be made to feel bad, and I hate that. I did that now, but I felt like, well, that's just how it is. Like, if mom's cleaning everybody should be cleaning and if you're laying down resting, you're going to feel bad. I'm going to make sure that you feel bad, and you know. And so I feel like it like wires your brain, like, uh, I'm not allowed to just lay down and rest, you know it's like conditional love to ourselves, even like where we, in order to get rest, we have, we sometimes make challenges.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm not going to rest until I do A, B, C and D.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you have to earn it and there's nobody keeping score except you. You know, in most cases it's not like your mom's coming through the door Like why didn't you do this so that you could, you know, eat lunch, whatever? But it's like the body confuses stillness with vulnerability. So when we're trying to chill out our trauma, brain starts scanning. It's like who's you know, and it's like I don't know, it's so insidious and I think that it's something that a lot of us actually feel, but we don't recognize it until somebody says, hey, like does rest feel kind of risky to?
Speaker 1:you. I know my nervous system says here's the word rest and goes you mean like die Bro, chill, I'm just trying to take a nap, you know. Yeah. I mean, I can't even give myself the space to take a nap sometimes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think we've. You know, many of us have inherited beliefs Like if I'm not producing I'm not valuable, and like we said that rest is earned, it's not deserved, you have to earn it. Or like there is this really systemic glorification of burnout, like look how hard they work, you know they're willing to give it all, and it's like, man, that's how you know you're valuable. If you're glorified for that, then how else do you, you know, kind of get the satisfaction of that you're worthy?
Speaker 1:Well, sometimes we idolize people who are like that person would give you the shirt off their back. But if that person is, doing that, then that's you know, a codependency and what, what are they giving up for themselves, you know? So that's what I'm just hearing when you say, when we talk about this, Well, what do you think about?
Speaker 2:like just even the term over-functioning, you know, it's like a that can become like a personal pattern of just over-functioning. So somebody who is stuck in that mode is like why don't you go ahead and just sit down, what? And then what? Like then I'm not, am I still valuable, am I still worthy? And it can start to just sort of like, like hijack your nervous system, you know, because our bodies are stuck in fight or flight loops often. I mean just thinking about your everyday, you know tasks or how you're going about your day, like we're constantly barraged with information from our phones, even like the process of healing starts to become another thing for you to do. Why are you not?
Speaker 2:working on your healing? Yeah, Like are you not working on your? Healing yeah.
Speaker 2:Like, are you just reading a novel?
Speaker 2:You know, like, for me, like when I I remember when I went on vacation and I read a novel about an octopus, by the way, it's called Remarkably Bright Creatures.
Speaker 2:I highly recommend it. But I realized like, oh my gosh, this is so indulgent. It felt very self-indulgent because I wasn't reading a book about self-help or how to grow emotionally or how to you know, and I'm like, oh, this is like a guilty pleasure to read a book. You know, that really just made me so happy. And I remember having like this questioning of myself, like, is this okay that I literally just sat here for four hours and read this book. It felt like I was going to get in trouble, or like I you know what if I needed to learn something, because I needed that to help myself on my healing path or help someone else, and it was like, wow, that's really interesting that even just to read a book for sheer pleasure, not to improve myself on my healing journey, was felt like an indulgence, you know, instead of like a necessity for my brain to just check out and not have to constantly be fixing something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sometimes I feel, though, like when I have, when I'm super stressed out and I feel like I have a lot of tasks to do, I almost feel as if my nervous system intentionally makes me feel tired and like I almost need to fall asleep and take a nap. Sometimes it's almost like the opposite of what we're talking about, you know. So I don't know where the balance is.
Speaker 2:you know, sometimes, with you feel like there's too many things to do. You just feel this overwhelm and then shut down. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it feels like my nervous system's like overwhelmed. So it's like you know what you just need to take a nap, and so that that brings up this guilt of like I've got so much to do. Though this is, it wouldn't be good if I did that. Everybody, so many people are counting on me and it's like, but then this is my nervous system telling me.
Speaker 2:Like we need rest, yeah, rest.
Speaker 1:You know. So I think my nervous system is trying to protect me, but I tell myself not to.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, because we override it based on our patterns, you know, and based on, like that voice in your head. That's like that would be. You're lazy, you know, or you're going to fail.
Speaker 1:Well, some of it feels like an avoidance, like I'm avoiding dealing with it.
Speaker 2:But really, when you know, do you have a story about it being avoidant by not by resting. Like, does that equal to you? That's being avoidant because resting is like oh, I'm checking out.
Speaker 1:No, I think in my just thinking about how I you know reacted growing up, I think I I didn't really rest to avoid things.
Speaker 2:I would um keep myself busy to avoid things. Okay, yeah, so this rest is different, yeah like, like you know, not being busy then is well, then I would have to not avoid, like I would have to feel things, I would have to face things, I would have to face things. So it's probably easier to just be busy than to just sit and feel or, you know, allow yourself to just not be overstimulated or over-functioning in the moment.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, like we talked about earlier, like that stillness is, like you know, scarier than a horror movie right so like. Sometimes I avoid that stillness because I'm not ready to deal, and so, you know, using my tools and are trying to sit and find the time for stillness is important, but I don't always give myself that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it even sounds like like sitting. Trying to find a place for stillness is like trying is still trying.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. It's still like a doing thing, like only it's about my healing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it doesn't feel like it's just a part of my.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I've already, I've done a cold plunge, I did therapy, I did inner child journaling. And a moon ceremony and a moon ceremony, and now I'm still anxious.
Speaker 1:What do we do now?
Speaker 2:I haven't done enough yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, because eventually, all of this work that we do, we have to sit with it, sit still with it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like. I think it's about like redefining what rest is, you know, and that rest does not. It doesn't you know equal laziness, it can just be repair.
Speaker 1:Yeah, rest isn't resistance. Yeah, rest is resistance.
Speaker 2:Hmm. Hmm.
Speaker 2:Well, true, rest is not performative either. Hmm, like you're not trying to be anything. You're not trying to do anything, like you're just allowing yourself to repair. Like what if that was important for whatever it is that you? You know, when you're in accomplished mode and you're in that space where you're ready to do something, that you're actually giving yourself, your body the nutrition it needs in order to do those things. And maybe it doesn't have to be, you know, a spa day, it can just be saying no, it can be just silence in a conversation, it can be just watching clouds go by. And I'll tell you, even trying to move into that space where that's probably new to you, will feel really uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:Well, you know that uncomfortable place is where the growth is.
Speaker 2:It can feel like a very vulnerable place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, silence feels like vulnerability.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, you get to hear all the, you know the, the thoughts, the projections that are coming up that maybe you didn't hear because you were just keeping yourself so busy, so distracted. You know, maybe there's pain that you're trying to avoid.
Speaker 1:Well, a lot of times, you know my rest, you know, in these last couple of years, since the advent of like social media, it's like it's the death scroll, Like it's that's what I consider. Resting now is, like you know, scrolling and getting these dopamine hits from seeing what's going on, and so that is what I've.
Speaker 2:That's like your downtime.
Speaker 1:My kids also. It's like oh, dad, I just need to rest a little bit, and so they'll just be scrolling.
Speaker 2:And it's like's like, that's your rest, yeah it's not really rest.
Speaker 2:It's not. It's not, it's avoiding, right? So yeah, you're also getting stimulation. So I think there's like. I think that is something to look at like I think probably you're not the only person, for sure that's like well. That's when I sit down and I just scroll. You know it's like well, and according to my phone, i'm's like well. That's when I sit down and I just scroll. You know it's like well, and according to my phone, I'm getting like eight hours of that a day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, that's a real thing. I my phone sends me reminders like oh, you've had five hours of screen time on this and I'm just like oh man. Yeah. Did I really put that much energy into that?
Speaker 2:How much of my energy did I peel off and use for what Some dopamine hits? You know, sometimes you got to make it a few laughs, sure. But like, is your nervous system actually resting? Is your body actually resting? Is your brain actually just repairing? And I think that's a question we need to ask ourselves, you know, are we getting?
Speaker 1:used to doom scrolling being a form of rest. Yeah, if you ask yourselves like, you know that would be a question for the listeners.
Speaker 2:It's like what do you see as a form of rest? And then, really, look resting. No, it's stimulation. And it's your attention Like that is when you're. You know, right now, especially, your attention is one of your most valuable currencies, and what would it look like not to be giving it away to things that probably aren't going to give back to you?
Speaker 1:Well, what things do you see, what? What do you imagine things that we're doing in the rest, like what's what would be productive in that rest? Is it like the integration of your day, Like thinking about you know? How people affected you and how you move through that and how you process like is that that's not rest also, I mean no, then they were like I'm healing, I'm thinking, I'm meditating.
Speaker 2:You know that's also like you're doing something. So I think it's something for me, like the first thing I think of is like reading that book. That just felt really joyful and I wasn't going to like write a paper about it. I wasn't going to write a post about like there was no deadline, it was.
Speaker 2:No, it was just like my brain just literally going into like a joy mode of being able to enjoy something just for the sake of enjoying it. So there was no, you know, there was no productivity per se that was going to happen for me reading the book. It was just giving myself permission to just read a book and sit there and and however long that took.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I'm just thinking about what things I do for myself, to give myself joy.
Speaker 2:What would that, what does that look like for you?
Speaker 1:Um, I, you know, like mountain biking is one of the things that I really like to do and and that's like joy Cause it just brings me into a zone and all of those things. So, yeah, that's probably one of my top things right now. And work I I, you know, when it's resting is not working on things, but I like working on cars and fixing stuff like that and just creating stuff that way, or repairing or making something new or whatever those types of things. They don't really feel like work to me always. I mean, there's times where it's like, oh, I get to change the new or whatever those types of things. They don't really feel like work to me always.
Speaker 1:I mean there's times where it's like, oh, I got to change the oil, or yeah, that's. It's not something fun, but I and sometimes in the same subset of things that I could do I do find rest in those. I think it's or joy, I should say.
Speaker 2:One of the things I think to pay attention to is, like, if you're doing this, thing that you enjoy is to notice if you start to like sort of gaslight yourself, you know, or you start to be, like you know, you could be like fixing the sink because, that needs to be done and you're going to. You might run out of time.
Speaker 1:And is that an indication of you're doing something that? You should be doing and something's trying to pull you away.
Speaker 2:You start shooting on yourself. Like you know, I may have a problem with just allowing myself space to rest because, you know maybe, I've received a lot of feedback about what my value is, based on my ability to perform and produce, and is that how I want it?
Speaker 2:Is that the pattern I want to be in? Or can I give myself permission to rest? Because, I mean, look at, things like this affect your blood pressure, level of anxiety, depression, and I think that these are things that could be even more important than taking a pill is to just give yourself permission to sit and be, whether it whether it's to read a book, or how about take a nap? Like, how many people actually give themselves permission to take nap? If you're, if you're able to, you know, I mean, I felt like when we were kids, it was punishment, and now I'd like I would like love for someone to be like Lena, you need to go take a nap right now, you know.
Speaker 2:So maybe we can have some, some more reflection questions for the audience to consider about whether this is something for them to take notice of, and one of those is, you know, I want you to ask yourself is what belief do I hold about rest that keeps me from allowing it? Like what is rest defined as to you? What belief do I hold about rest that keeps me from allowing it? Like what is rest defined as to you? And even, is that is rest like something that you think is luxurious.
Speaker 2:Like only some people get that it's something that you have to earn. And then asking like when I slow down what emotions rise up Naming the emotions. Like allowing them to rise up. Is there a fear of rest or sitting because you're afraid of what emotions might come up? And let me tell you like you can run from your emotions only for so long. It's like trying to. You know you're going to, you're going to push something away, but there's going to be like deferred payments with interest on it on those things that you're avoiding, yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, and you don't have to do it in big bites. Maybe you can, you know, start, and you don't have to do it in big bites. Maybe you can start to just take small steps of allowing a little bit of rest and to see what rises up and really noticing if one of the reasons why rest is hard for you or stillness is hard for you is because there's an avoidance of what comes up in stillness. Another one is who in my life models rest well? Or did anyone Like was your mom blasting the music and running around with a vacuum and yelling at everyone to get up off the couch, you know? Or there was going to be repercussions? Like, if you know someone in your life that models rest well, what can you learn from them in?
Speaker 3:your life that models rest. Well, what can you learn from?
Speaker 2:them. And what does rest look like for me? Not aesthetically, but somatically, like what does that look like for your body? What does it look like to let your body rest? Like not, it's not yoga, it's not necessarily going to yoga or working out. Like what does it look like just to allow your body to rest? Does that feel uncomfortable? Does that feel scary?
Speaker 1:I remember the first time you took me to a yoga class and I did that pranayama, breathing, and I was like what is, I felt, my nervous system to finally, you know, calm down and I was like that is different. Like how do you do that? So you know, you know. That that was, I think, when I recognized my nervous system being at rest.
Speaker 2:Like there was possibility for something called rest and that you weren't at it or in it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I didn't know that was even possible.
Speaker 2:Weren't familiar with it. Yeah, I don't know. I think it's an important topic.
Speaker 1:And when you grow up in a household where you're being yelled at for resting, you know your nervous system is going to be trained.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That. That rest is something bad almost.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think, if you know, if rest makes you feel antsy or uncomfortable or guilty oftentimes guilty it's not a sign that you're doing it wrong. It's just a sign that maybe you're finally letting go of like a survival strategy that got you here, you know, but it won't take you where you're going Like that can only last so long All right Something to think about.
Speaker 1:Something All right.
Speaker 2:Something to think about.
Speaker 1:Something to think about.
Speaker 2:Does rest feel risky.
Speaker 1:It does, and we encourage you to be curious about rest. Do some writing on these questions that we've put out there. Yeah, and let us know. All right, that's been another episode of Let that Shift Go podcast. I'm Noel.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lena. Let us know what your questions are and we'd love to use them on a future episode. Or check us out on Insta at Let that Shift Go, or visit our website, serenitycovetomeculacom.