The Garden Within : Six Friends Get Real About Life.

What does it truly mean to be a woman, free from society's pressures and expectations? How do we nurture our authentic selves while navigating the multiple roles we play?

Six close friends gathered for an intimate conversation to celebrate International Women's Month in this special episode titled "Cultivating the Garden Within." Their candid discussion reveals both common threads and unique perspectives on female identity and personal growth.

The conversation begins with reflections on womanhood itself – the wonder-woman capabilities women possess, but also how the pressure to "do it all" can become a burden leading to various forms of self-abuse. One participant bravely shares her journey with cesarean births, highlighting how women often internalize shame around perfectly valid experiences due to societal expectations.

As they explore what it means to cultivate their inner gardens, each woman reveals what habits they're currently nurturing. From learning to let go of grudges and combating perfectionism to the simple yet profound challenge of seeing oneself as a person beyond roles like mother or wife – their revelations are both deeply personal and universally relatable.

Perhaps most touching are their reflections on authenticity. While some point to motherhood as their defining moment of self-realization, others admit they're only now beginning to feel truly themselves. One friend shares she can't recall ever feeling authentic due to being raised to conceal her thoughts – a powerful testament to how cultural conditioning can disconnect us from our true selves.

Listen in on this warm, vulnerable conversation among friends that might just inspire you to examine what you're cultivating in your own garden. What are you growing within yourself, and what might be ready for pruning?

Transcript

International Women's Month Celebration

Speaker 1 1:01

Hi Mindful Partners. How are you doing? I hope you're doing okay. This episode you're about to listen to is what Mindfully Wotumishe put together to wrap up the International Women's Month. This mini party and a special recording of the podcast, was tagged Cultivating the Garden. Within the conversation you're about to listen to is a little peek into the lives of six of the closest people in my life, but I must apologize in advance for the production quality. However, enjoy this conversation. I am Uluwatu Mishi Ola dapu Kuku. This conversation. I am Uluwatu Mishi Oladapo.

Speaker 2 1:53

hello, mindful partners okay, so there's no serious things all about today and I have a couple of my friends in the studio because we're rounding off the International Women's Month, so I have Febi, talaji, mofae, fushor Diane and Okweng the studio and we're just going to have conversations around being a woman and all the questions around it being a woman and all the questions around it.

Speaker 2 2:31

And so let me start with what does it mean to you to be a woman? Being a woman means powerful, can do almost you, you know some, almost everything. Almost not open. Yeah, because most women, especially in this path, we were born and to to be able to take control. Yes, we, yes, alright, we raise, we rear, we give back Rear, we cook, yes, okay, what would you say? Okay, forget the fact I'm using rear, but the children will give back too. What do we do with them? We raise them, we rear them, and you know so. So, basically, I think that's for me, okay, that's just what I think. Alright, funchal, what do you think the greatest power of a woman is? If we're going to go back, what's she saying? If we go back, what Opa is saying? Yes, greatest power, a woman has the ability to do all of that. So it's a the, the innate.

Speaker 2 4:06

You know nature the ability to nurture, the ability to care, the wonder woman power that I believe every woman has, even if it's to different degrees, you know, but I think it's just the the ability to be able to wear different hats at the same time. Okay, so, um, dan, do you think that is that is totally true, or is there social conditioning? I think it's a social condition and because I Post when she said can do everything or almost everything, I think it's a burden actually to think and feel we can do everything, or we can do almost everything, and may tilt towards abuse, either as an abuser or as an enabler of abuse, or as a victim of abuse, if we are not careful. There should be a balance. You know, we have no doubt we have abilities that men don't have, but that doesn't mean that we can do everything, or almost everything, or we can take in everything life throws at us, that we truly what you're rolling your eyes at.

Speaker 2 5:24

Do you think that it is truly like she said, if we don't have balance and content towards our views? Yeah, I think so, because at the end of the day, we go like, oh, she's a woman, she can take it on, and because of that, because we just want to be that woman. We keep taking on what we normally would not even want to take on, but we just want to prove a point. I can do it, I'm a woman, I'm strong I don't like that word by any way strong woman. I'm strong, I can do it, I'm capable, and I keep taking what I don't want to really take because I want to prove a point. So, yeah, thanks to those abuse. So what, what? Um, before I come to that, because I can, I can literally see, you know.

Speaker 1 6:09

So when they say what we, when they say abuse what does abuse mean to you as a woman?

Speaker 2 6:22

okay, so, um, okay. So, for me personally, I think abuse would be the normal definition of abuse, and I don't think I've experienced that, so I can't really speak into it. Yeah, okay, can I take that? Yes, you can. You have the floor.

Speaker 1 6:49

She's being bitchy. You have the floor. Yeah go with it.

Speaker 2 6:53

Okay, for me personally. I would like to talk about it, given instances right. And taking a click from what Diana said as well, and the question you raised For me abuse, is you expecting the woman to be able to take on as much as you would take? You know you expect her to take. You just be cautious in women. Right for me, abuse enabling it as well. Is you, you know, shunning the other woman down to say we all went through this?

Speaker 1 7:23

right, it's one of those things so that is really coming from the opposite side.

Speaker 2 7:28

Yes, yes, yes you know, abuse for me again I would say is you know um we feeling like oh, I must do this because I'm a woman, not because I'm human. So, for example, I have had instances where, um all my kids, I had all my children through cs, proudly through suites okay, yes, I know people who opted for yeah, yeah, well I, I didn't, I didn't opt right, but proudly I. I say that proudly because, um, I've seen a lot of people lose their children because of the negative narration around them so that's.

Speaker 2 8:10

That's what I mean when I say proudly right. And I remember a lady reached out to me and then she said in fact I had Cs, but please, you can't tell anyone oh wow, you know we went to secondary school together. How long ago was this, that that was about, um, when I had my first, that's about 13 years ago.

Speaker 2 8:30

Yeah, there about you know, and then she said you can't tell anyone. And I said why? She said I'm only telling you because I know you're open about this and I know you at you know cs and I said okay, well, you're fine, right? She said, and your child is fine. I said so what is anybody's business with how?

Speaker 2 8:50

you have the baby. I said what is important is you know the baby's here and you're fine. I said that is all that matters. So for her interacting with her. I realized you know she was even angry with herself.

Speaker 2 9:03

For me, that is also a form of you abusing yourself, feeling that you're less you know, she didn't have yes yes, yes, you know, and in the populace, you know, saying they'd be like, um, women, right, yeah, and then you feel like, you know, some people even think that they are not spiritual enough, you know, and then they start questioning even their spirituality. For me, those are all I mean. The list is endless. Okay, we could, this could actually just turn into the conversation. But when I sent out the message to you all and said cultivating the garden within, what came to your mind? What, what, what was yes for just raising a hand? Yeah, I was like Kilo Letui, kilo Letui, kilo Letui, kilo Letui, kilo Letui, kilo Letui, kilo Letui, kilo Letui, kilo Letui, kilo Letui, kilo Letui, kilo Letui, kilo Letui, kilo Letui, kilo Letui, kilo Letui.

Speaker 2 10:11

Kilo Letui, kilo Letui because because we know that that is not who you are exactly, but no so, but we can't tell you who you are.

Speaker 1 10:18

That's how you feel, but go ahead, go ahead okay, I rephrase people think I'm a deep person.

Speaker 2 10:26

Okay, whatever, but um, or maybe I just don't like to be in tune with yourself like it's not in my head. I'm like it's not that deep now. It's not that deep so when I saw, oh, what are you cultivating? I was like which garden? Like, um, I'm just being me, I'm doing me, and I'm. Sometimes I'm okay, sometimes I'm not okay, you know, but I thought skilfully to it all right, nice, so so let's go with the first question so, and I'm going to simplify it, what habit are you currently not sharing to feed who you?

Speaker 1 11:06

believe you are that basically. What is this? Forget the only what what happens?

Speaker 2 11:12

yeah, it's. Why do you put on you in the first place? Oh yeah, my, yeah, my baby, so what? Was gonna go first. What happened to you currently. You know, because I know when, when we say mental health, what people hear is mentally of health.

Speaker 2 11:27

Mm-hmm you know. So what happened? Are you Cultivating? Cultivating, cultivates, cultivates is still ok. Are you cultivating to align the thoughts in your head? The thoughts in your head, the emotions that come up for you and your behavioural pattern? That alignment your tributary self. What are you doing? The three parts of you? Thank you very much. Yeah, all right, who's gonna take that? Go ahead, okay.

Speaker 2 12:02

So for me, um, so I have a teenager now and I have a preteen, and so we're getting into a phase that has, um, is kind of taking me back to how I was as a teen. There are boys, well, the ones that are at that age, so I may not totally relate with their puberty journey, but I have an idea of how the teenage years are, so it has made me like, okay, so how were you? How was I then? I remember how I was. Then I was, I wasn't this bold, I was always outspoken. You know I could, you know you couldn't bully me, quite all right, but I wasn't this, I wasn't this firm and I wasn't.

Speaker 2 12:53

Um, I really would not think about what I want myself. You know, when people say let's do this, let's go here, I'm the go-to person. I would support you, but I really didn't pay attention to myself, like, okay, what do you? What does diana really want to do right now or here now? Do I really want to do this? Or I'm just going with the flow and because I'm passing that on to my children at this stage, that it is very important for you to understand and know who you are and what you like. Pay attention to yourself. I tell them, pay attention to yourself.

Speaker 1 13:26

So I want to train. You're training yourself, so yeah, so.

Speaker 2 13:30

This phase of my life is actually a reflection of what I'm also passing on. Am I that? So I question myself. I try to recalibrate. Is this really what you want to do right now, um? Are you joyous or happy about this thing that you want to get yourself into? You know, this is the stage where you have a lot of distractions. At this age, there are a lot of activities. There are a lot of things you want the children to do. There are a lot of things you want to do because your children are now growing and you have a little more independence than you used to when they were younger and you had to be there for them. So for me, um, the key things are I'd like to, you know, be firm. I'm firm, but I still want to stand out, tell myself is this good for you? You know I take a pause before I respond. Make any commitment. Is this good for you? Are you able to do this and derive joy?

Speaker 2 14:28

okay, I think the one we're looking we're trying not to say is people please yeah, well, I I used to think, until somebody's, I used to think that I was a people pleaser, but because of my kind of personality, when I can't shut, it means it's not okay for me.

Speaker 2 14:47

And then the person said to me no, you just like people to be happy not necessarily because you are putting yourself, but there's someone on this table that has said to me constantly that I don't know how to enjoy life for sure, for sure. Said to me constantly that I don't know. So maybe, maybe, what I'm cultivating now is to stop and understand how to be happy. I do not know how to be happy. That is the truth. Okay, so who next?

Speaker 2 15:18

okay, so for for me um I think the one thing I'm really really learning is letting go, letting go of things, forgiving my head. I think that is one area I'm currently working on, because I can't hold a person for two months in my head.

Speaker 1 15:54

I can't hold a person for two months in my head and then hold them through.

Speaker 2 15:56

But then I'm beginning to learn to. Just even before it happens, I'm like there's no point, I'm just over this, let it go. And then I think for the previous year it was learning to say no, oh, so you have them. Yearly, I try to do it yearly. This is what I'm working on this year. All of us that are older in this place, oh my god, yearly, I try to do it yearly. Like, okay, this is what I'm working on this year.

Speaker 1 16:18

All of us that are out there in this place. Oh my god, do we do that? Do you sit down and say, okay, this year, this year, I'm not going to do this my own person, my personality, right from day one.

Speaker 2 16:37

I'm sure so many people know I don't talk too much.

Speaker 1 16:46

Not outside of it.

Speaker 2 16:49

I try to let go. I don't put things in my mind for too long because it would affect me psychologically. Like if I see something happen now I watch something I can, something that hasn't happened now I can kind of like Brutalise.

Speaker 1 17:12

Yes.

Speaker 2 17:14

Okay, what if this person dies of like? Okay, maybe somebody just had an accident, you know. And then I would now think, ah, this person had accidentally, there was a rupture. You know, I would go all out, I was, I would do things that you shouldn't think about you know yeah and I know it can affect me psychologically so I just shut it down.

Speaker 2 17:35

I try not to. I do things that will not affect me psychologically if I see that this thing is going to, I'd rather not watch and then I'm not good they have that or do things that I know can affect me, because one thing, yeah, because one thing some people don't know is there are some little things on a good day that could just happen.

Cultivating The Garden Within

Speaker 2 17:58

It could be just something that they're just looking past. But when you are alone, no one is around you, you could go back, remember that thing and, as you are reflecting, you can take two hours. You can be sleeping. I am still thinking about that thing. It will affect my sleep. It will affect so many things. I would be sleeping and my dream would be about that thing that I saw. No, she's like you, she's, she's capricorn. I'm tense.

Speaker 2 20:04

She's the level so you know because, to be honest, when, when I look at you, and show and all of everybody here is my friend, I believe and then my sister-in-law is here, and when I look at finshaw, I actually think that she has mastered the art of compartmentalizing. Is that true?

Speaker 1 20:33

Is that true?

Speaker 2 20:34

I think I have different compartments. I'm able to compartmentalize. However, I would want to answer the last question. Okay, please go ahead. What's one thing that you're that you want to? So I have a thing of. I beat myself up too much for things, you know. So I'm the kind of person who, uh, just make it as simple as possible. Or when that drink fell, yeah, like, just make it as simple as possible. Or when that drink fell, yeah, like, why didn't you think to turn off the fan? Why did you think to drink drink up and put the cup under the table before. So that's me. Yeah, I will beat myself up if something goes wrong, like till. So I'm trying hard to like you know things, okay, you make mistakes, it's okay. But it doesn't also help because in my line of career, it's a lot of times I'm just like ugh, but I'm trying, I'm really trying.

Speaker 2 21:43

I'm not even near the end, I'm just starting to try. I get it. It's all actually speaking then, yes, so for me, I think, what I'm long, I stopped seeing Tualashe.

Speaker 1 22:02

I don't see.

Speaker 2 22:03

Mami Matias. I don't see me as a person, so that's what I'm working on that's like working on seeing myself. So so it's. It's a process. I'm not even sure if I've started, but I know that that's what I put in my head this year like so that you start seeing yourself, start doing stuff for yourself. Don't think, when you do this, you're indulging yourself too much.

Speaker 1 22:26

You deserve it my friends say that you deserve it.

Speaker 2 22:28

Do it you know, sometimes I've got a function and I feel like I'll go and do it me this year like as a person, that's. That's a goal. Yeah, but I think I am understanding what I do with her.

Speaker 1 23:01

Yes, so I'm also one of those people. We all are super admin, admin with group admin with special.

Speaker 2 23:12

You know, for me, I try to have like a word you know, something I really want to work on in a year and I just go with it. And I think for this year, what I'm working on is depth. Now, I got that word sometime in October and, honestly, I did not understand what's in it, but then one of the things I've learned is to have really safe spaces. You know where I can be vulnerable, right, and I'm so, I'm so I would love to use what blessed right, because I wouldn't say it's luck, right, I would, I would, um, I'm so blessed to have that, you know, in very few people that are within my space, these are people that the days that, yes, is not a good day, right, I'm able to just go emotionally naked with them. You know, I remember some. She called me, you know, at some point yesterday. Yesterday was a crazy day for me actually.

Speaker 2 24:24

I saw a message at first I didn't respond, said you know, thank you, like like she, she could sense something was wrong. I mean we didn't talk you, but she saw my activity in the group that I am and she knows it's not the regular. Once I didn't respond, of course, you know there was that call like what's going on, you know, and at that point, honestly, I needed to just cry, like you know, when you're like, ok, I need to let this thing out, you know. So you know, having um relationships like that right has sort of like really helped. So the work depth, that was where you know I started from. So I had some really amazing experiences at the beginning of the year right and I remember I was sharing with a friend, as in one of my inner supports, and then she told me she said remember you shared something in october. I said, yes, all these experiences you're having, don't you think they are the journey to the depths that?

Speaker 2 25:20

you you're seeking, you know. So at that moment it clicked so I realized, okay, right, this is it. So I immediately had a change of mindset. So all the basketballs that has been coming, trust me, the basketballs, they have been mega, they have been mega right. I no longer see them as oh, this thing, you're gonna kill me. I see like okay let's go.

Speaker 2 25:51

And I love the girl that's popping up, right, I love the girl that's popping up, right, I love the girl that's popping up. I remember I had a conversation two days ago and one of my inner space, you know so. I'm able to be that for her, she's able to be that for me, you know. So. There are days when she pops I'm like, hey, I need to be a office scout, right. And then there are days I'll be like babe, you know, I need you, but how?

Speaker 1 26:17

easy though is it for us, as ladies, to have such connections anybody can take that how easy, considering that we I don't know about you guys, but I'm sure all of us here, your mom so, and then with the conversations that are going, I really don't think that it is true that women pull women down and all those kind of things.

Speaker 2 26:45

But how easy is it for us to have to cultivate such relationships? Anyone can take it for me I'll turn up an outlier, and this is where, as far back as I can remember, in fact, one of the battle like I said my dad was friendship was relationship. I've always been bigger relationship, so there was no way they could have socialized or conditioned me to be that person that I would say. You know, I'm scared to open up, to share, to be. In fact, I have friends who remind me of some things I did that I can't remember and I'm like, really I did that, I'll think about it, so I don't think that you will fall into that category that's nice who else okay.

When We Feel Most Like Ourselves

Speaker 2 27:50

So personally, I would say it's a journey. Right, it's a journey, and it also requires the book practice, because I think one of the reasons why it is tough is because sometimes we want to do it by ourselves, you know, or sometimes we assume the other person is at that level or at that space, right, and then we have those expectations, those demand, and when it's not coming right we feel hurt. You know, we go all out for people sometimes, you know, and then we expect them to all out for us, and when they are not right, we feel like, oh, you know that there's a form of rejection.

Speaker 1 28:32

Yes, yes, yes. So I would say it's a journey.

Speaker 2 28:35

Right, it's, it's. It requires a lot of nurturing, and the truth is, if it's not there, it's not that, and then it must be. You get on the top side, okay, this one, everybody, everyone, so yes, what was the one moment you felt the most like yourself? So, everybody, a minute, the most after the, the most and it's going to be very interesting the most. The moment I felt most like myself. Yeah, too, when I had my children.

Speaker 1 30:11

I felt like I had come no breastfeeding children. I just felt like, ah, yeah, my life is about to start um, it was not about career, it was not about being married.

Speaker 2 30:23

Sorry, but you know it was about having children, and that was when I felt the most like, yeah, who next? I'm thinking, okay, it's popping up, uh-uh. The time you felt most like yourself, what if I haven't? I'm just saying, yeah, it's okay.

Speaker 1 30:49

Many moments. Maybe about many moments you can of more, I mean maybe bad man.

Speaker 2 30:51

So what, what can you choose? Choose one that you so when you say I can't recall any now because, based on the last conversation we had, I mean the last question.

Speaker 2 31:03

Growing up I don't talk. I mean sometimes, even now, because I was raised with the notion that, oh, you can't let people know your exact thoughts. You can't let people know your exact feelings. Feelings because so, when you're out thinking, you're with friends discussing, and all of that, whatever you say, people will think, oh, that's your parents opinion, parents opinion, and so because of that, I kept everything inside. Wow, and I remember when I was going to say, my mom told me please, wherever they are discussing qualities, don't stay there. Leave immediately once they start leave. So most of my life I've lived not expressing my exact thoughts and so it's difficult to say.

Speaker 2 31:55

This was when you felt yourself the most. Yes, that's deep though for me, I'd say I'm myself now. Yes, right now, this is me. This stage, this stage, yeah, when I was in school, I was not myself. I faced so many things, you know, while in school, uh, all this, um uh, teacher victimization. I'm talking to me.

Speaker 1 32:23

Yes, exactly uh so I wasn't myself, I wasn't myself I from secondary school.

Speaker 2 32:31

I was a tomboy, you know. And then people, people, people used to think about me like what I'm not. They would say I am, but I know what I was, I knew what I felt. I may walk this way, I may think this way, but inside I'm a very, very different person. So, coming to now, my children are at least they are all grown up. I can do whatever I want.

Speaker 1 32:59

My husband is not around.

Speaker 2 33:01

No one to hold me down, so I'm living my best life right now. I'm living my best life right now.

Speaker 1 33:10

I'm living my best life right now it's not like I'm doing anything out of the normal.

Speaker 2 33:17

It's not like I go out every other day. Like I said, I'm an introvert and I'm introvert to the core. But it's just that I'm free to do things that I want, even though I try to raise my children the best way I can. But I do not go out of anything that is going, like I said earlier, because if I start thinking about too many things it will just grow out of proportion and I don't want to run mad. So right now I'm just living life the way it is.

Speaker 2 33:47

I say I I do not over talk, I do not you know yes, because people, people will think of me in a different light, and I'm not like that so perception exactly. So I try to just hold myself I say what needs to be said, at the time I should say it, and when it is not necessary, I just keep my mouth shut and I just do what I want so have you finished thinking about it have you finished?

Speaker 2 34:14

thinking about it. Yeah. So, yeah, yeah, you can actually live in my best life. My best life now, like I'm dreaming as much as I can. I'm dreaming right now and I I just went, I'll almost sleep, almost just like when I want to sleep. I want to sleep when I'm like sometimes my phone is just off, we are calling, I won't give you a call, like I can, I'm doing me right now when they doing me thing.

Speaker 2 34:47

I like the fact that I'm lucky to have good friends. You know, support system I have the best support system. I always tell my sister is always jealous about she's like. You know you have a good support system and all of that and all of that. I have good support system. So in my dream, me, in my crazy moments, I have friends I can call should be me with. So, yeah, I think I'm living my best.

Speaker 2 35:10

Oh, yeah we won't talk first. Oh yeah, um, I wouldn't say there's been a particular time. I think I've had very, very a lot of me time like I'm doing me I like this for me a lot of times that I cannot say, oh, this was a breaking you know moment for me. Um, but I am super, super grateful for where I am now. Um, I'm super grateful that, to be honest, I can do anything I want to do as long as I have the means to do it and as long as I'm not hurting anyone, I'm happy to do it.

Speaker 2 36:00

I used to suffer all that. Oh, perception, drama, not perception. I don't care about perception per se, like that's, like that um I mean perception is is is key, but I'm not, I'm not overthinking. Oh, I want to be this way because I want them to think about me this way I'm more like.

Speaker 1 36:26

This is what. This is what you get. If you don't like me, you'll be nice, you'll be really fine yeah, but, um, I used to suffer in those days.

Speaker 2 36:36

I used to think, and maybe I don't know, maybe because my kids are older now as well, um, in those days I used to think, oh, you can't be out at this time. Um, you know me, I come home at two and sometimes I come home at 2am, sometimes I come home at 3am. Like I said, maybe because my kids are older, I don't need to see them sleep, I don't need to see them, you know. But I'm happy to do things I want to do. Oh, I want to go out with friends. Oh, we want to. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not, you know. I know that all the kids are fine. There's food at home If you need me. My kids, still today, if I'm not home, they call me once they get back from school. I'm like, oh, there's yeast.

Speaker 2 37:17

My daughter always has yeast with me. You know she's like ah, mommy, there's yeast, you give me yeast. You know, if I'm at home immediately after school, once they come back, everybody's in my room giving me cheese. I love those. Those moments are very precious to me and there are times where guys see you in three days I'm gone, so I'm.

Speaker 2 37:35

I'm actually loving it. I love the balance. You know, sometimes it's hard. There are a few times I'm thinking. You know if I'm thinking, oh, this man that married me. I think, all in all, I think I think I know my life all right.

Speaker 2 37:55

Diana. Well, so mine is kind of close to for shows, in the sense that I like to think that I live a good life. I'm not wealthy, don't get me wrong. But when I think about my childhood, one of the things that drive me, you know, to create a very interesting life for my kids now is because of the memories I have. I have very fond memories of my childhood. I have fond memories of school. I really didn't like secondary school that much, but my senior secondary school was fantastic, like my experience.

Receiving Without Guilt

Speaker 2 38:36

I'm talking about not school now, my life then In uni. What a blast Youth service blast, paid employment Blast. So it's tough for me to say this. You know I've had a lot of and, like I said at the beginning, when we're talking about fun fact, I try to make the best. One thing drives me, like I remind myself you're here now, you might as well enjoy it. So I try to make sure that moment and live in that moment. I try. It's not possible all the time, but I try. I live in that moment. I make the best. I make. I do things that you know warms the atmosphere, me, everyone. You know we're having a good time.

Speaker 2 39:24

I love to have a good and, to my okay, for me they are quite a number they are quite a number, but I think one of the most recent one would be when I finally was able to to launch the journal. Yeah, yeah, you know it was. I got the inspiration at a very low point, you know. So, bringing out something you know beautiful out of that space, right felt good, right, it felt good. Yeah, then seeing how much of that's all impacting lives, and right from green up, one of the things I always say is you know, I love to touch lives, even if then I didn't really understand that. You know what it meant. You know, but that's moments when we had the virtual lunch, seeing everybody on, you know all over seeing the work.

Speaker 2 40:31

You know I, for that moment I was happy about the struggle.

Speaker 1 40:36

Right.

Speaker 2 40:37

Yeah, I was happy about the struggle.

Speaker 1 40:40

Yeah, so then, as I, start as well.

Speaker 2 40:42

Right, there's been a lot of amazing moments. So I would also say I'm at that point where my guardians I'm not going to date you, but I'm maintaining it now. Yeah, because it's one life yeah, yeah, it's one life so if it's good, you know, okay, we navigate, you know, and still create good memories regardless, even if the only memory we're able to create is a beautiful selfie right, but we still create.

Speaker 1 41:14

How many selfies do you take in a day?

Speaker 2 41:18

I don't have space on my phone.

Speaker 1 41:20

I know there's no space on your phone, like she keeps, like she's sitting down, she's standing on the chair.

Speaker 2 41:26

I'm always happy to be in the space of people that take pictures a lot yeah, I love pictures because I was raised on pictures.

Speaker 2 41:34

I was okay, I have the picture of me in my mommy's belly, like I I'm not even kidding, yeah, there's in this house. If you're going to, you won't see my pictures with my mommy, with me in my mommy's bed. I was raised on pictures, you know, and all that final question, because I don't want this to be very long. Um, oh, I forgot it. Okay, what is one thing that you receive now without guilt that I receive?

Speaker 1 42:02

that you will receive now, like something gives you money no, but I'm really serious, yeah, yes, like yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 42:12

So let me tell you somebody will give you money you feel guilty I don't like being indebted.

Speaker 2 42:16

okay, because I grew up in a large part of my life not having so, one of the things I tell myself is I will never be in that situation where I would not have. So having people give me money kind of takes me back a little. So money without strings will make you feel guilty. I try to pay you back. I don't know if you've noticed. Guilty. I try to pay you back. I don't know if you've noticed, I would try to pay you back thank you for saying now, I've not that you have said I have noticed, I would make sure I'm not a danger.

Speaker 2 42:48

I yeah I couldn't get collect money from my husband for a very long time I would rather have to remember my father, you won't know about that, about me, yeah, so money yeah, money yeah, so for me, but now I take it. Please give me no guilt. I'm trying not to be guilty about this gift actually. So general gifts could be money, it could be kindness, actually being kind to me. When you're kind to me, I'm like, okay, what strings?

Speaker 1 43:19

are what? Strings are fast what?

Speaker 2 43:20

do you expect of me after this? Then, when you are kind, kind, kind again.

Speaker 1 43:26

I was like, okay, I need to walk to meet up with you.

Speaker 2 43:30

I remember somebody gifted me something huge and I remember I called Funche and I was like Funche, I need Fumi Nikki me. She was like okay. I was like, okay, I'll pray about it she said, just pray about it. I said, but I think I should pay her back. She was like it's a gift, I'm like, eh, you know, so it's difficult for me to just receive gifts, Like I just feel there should be a reason why you are gifting me and I need to do better you know to to.

Speaker 2 43:59

There's a word for it to earn it. So that's what I'm trying to work on. Is the way you look so lost you are not supposed to be on this say it's good, everybody is talking about.

Speaker 1 44:17

Everybody is talking about oh.

Speaker 2 44:18

Everybody is talking about you. The kids are grown now.

Speaker 1 44:23

No.

Speaker 2 44:24

It's not about that.

Speaker 1 44:27

So it's okay to say I can't do this. We've been there, don't worry, it's just a matter of time.

Speaker 2 44:36

You are not alone.

Speaker 1 44:40

Some of us are still there.

Speaker 2 44:42

She has a 13 year old a 10 year old and a 3 year old that's a full dose. Theory I thought mine was bad Yo Time to theory that's a full dose Alright. So for me, having people do things for me, I struggle.

Speaker 1 45:08

Not funny enough. My children are doing things for me and play when you're that person.

Speaker 2 45:17

I'm still young, even Mama Stephen to me, when she goes overboard or when I think she's gone, like for example, thank God you still talked about Mama Stephen. She at the beginning of the year she bought live chicken to my house.

Speaker 1 45:36

I'm like, like what for?

Speaker 2 45:39

she said, oh, that, um, she was very needs, but she was not ready in christmas. So so it takes.

Speaker 1 45:48

It takes for me to remind me that um people can do things for you.

Speaker 2 45:54

I do things for people and I have no apologies. It doesn't. It comes easy for me, but because I grew up by myself, I'm used to being there for myself, so it's difficult. I'm learning to take things and one of the people that makes it easiest for me is this one. Like she just Like, like I'm not expecting it, and he just, you know, so he makes and then he goes like Thanks machine. It's time for you to enjoy it you know.

Speaker 2 46:28

so that makes it easy for me Nice to know, Nice to know. I'm here as you go, I'm here as you go. Anything, you give me anytime. Ever since I was a baby to this age, you give me anything. I feel no guilt.

Speaker 1 46:47

I'm happy, I'm happy to receive Last born syndrome.

Speaker 2 46:50

Yeah, I think that's the case. Oh, you're last born Well, second to the last, the last girl. So you know, growing up I didn't do anything doing house chores, doing by the time the first, second what she had, a lot of older sisters. No, no, no, no no, no, no, no no no, no, okay, we're almost last one, I think last one before the first and you. They were all girls. I think another thing that happened was my mom wanted me to be a boy, so they raised me like a boy.

Speaker 2 47:27

And it was unconsciously, I think. I started behaving like a boy, but it was unconscious. In fact, people used to tell me even where I used to walk. They called me a mother bouncing. You identify us, identify. Bouncing. You identify us, I identify us, I identify us. Okay, got it. So, fusha, what do I struggle with receiving? I struggle with receiving compliments, or yes.

Speaker 2 47:57

So once if you, I do something or I do a good job, and someone says, oh, that was something, and I remember having a conversation with someone I said last week or two weeks ago or recently, and he said it's because it comes to you easy and think you think you didn't do anything, you know and that I should learn to start maybe placing more value on me and what I can give. But yeah, I struggle with you know, like, oh yes, that was so much more than I can achieve. Say, one of the things I'm working on not being guilty of that is.

Speaker 2 48:51

I'm looking for the nicest way to say it that it will not be misinterpreted. Right like um, if people have done bad, you know like really give setting them the punishment that they deserve you struggle with yes yes, you know, because and one of the things my friend told me recently, she said in effect, just because you have a good heart does not mean the next person you know, and just because you don't do something bad to people, does not mean that people yes you know.

Speaker 2 49:28

So so I'm, I'm currently learning to be the camera of the no, I'm, I'm saying it, no, I'm, I'm. I'm learning not to feel bad about it and not to beat myself about it, reminding myself that hey it's not about you.

Speaker 2 49:46

This person you get deserves this space, and you giving this space, or you giving this particular punishment, allow it to flow, ok. So most times I want to try to make it nice to you, I want to you know, over explain, but no, hell, no, no, it's okay, it's what it is you know you've done this, you've done this and yeah, thank you, ladies for coming to Klaje.

Speaker 1 50:15

You know this, this. So, um, I should say this this was supposed to be this day was supposed to be.

Speaker 2 50:25

They would do the effect for live women version and I was but but you know I was stressing about it.

Speaker 1 50:39

To be honest, I was stressing about it.

Speaker 2 50:41

And then Fusha sends me a message that okay, even if it doesn't happen you know what? I what she typed, what she didn't type. That I heard was you know, live mindful and let's do something, just get your friends. And that brought me back. I was like you, you know what? It's something that we could really do and I'm really thankful that she brought that up and I'm thankful that you guys are here.

Speaker 1 51:05

Let's get back to eating drinking love yourself, love your neighbor, love your country, above all of us, love God is the essence of your being.

Speaker 2 51:18

We are here, we are having fun, we are caching.

Speaker 1 51:21

We are caching for us.