Fear: Signal or Saboteur? : A Mindful Journey

Fear—that flutter in your chest, that whisper of doubt, that paralysis when facing uncertainty. We all know it, but do we truly understand it? 

This episode takes you on a journey through the many faces of fear, revealing how this misunderstood emotion operates in our lives. Beyond simply identifying what scares us, we explore why we feel afraid and what those fears reveal about our deepest values. You'll discover that fear isn't always the enemy—sometimes, it's a signal that you deeply care about something.

Through personal reflections and thought-provoking insights, we examine how fear manifests in different spheres of our lives. From the anxiety we feel in vulnerable relationships to our complex relationship with mortality, this exploration offers a fresh perspective on embracing fear as a teacher. Maya Angelou's powerful words about being "afraid all the time but not afraid of anything" provide a compelling framework for approaching fear with mindful awareness.

The episode introduces the practical SBNRR technique—Stop, Breathe, Notice, Reflect, Respond—a mindfulness approach that transforms how you engage with fear when it arises. Instead of being controlled by fear, you'll learn to walk alongside it with intention and awareness. Complemented by journaling prompts to deepen your personal exploration, this episode invites you to reframe your relationship with fear and discover the freedom that comes with mindful engagement.

Ready to transform your relationship with fear? Listen now, and remember: courage isn't the absence of fear—it's the willingness to walk alongside it mindfully. Share this episode with someone who might benefit from a gentler approach to their fears, and join our mindful community on social media @mindfullywithtunmise

Transcript

Introduction to Fear and Mindfulness

Speaker 2 1:17

hello mindful partners. How are you today and I know you know by now that that is code for have you checked in with yourself this week and even today? And when I say have you checked in with yourself, I'm asking if the thoughts in your head, the emotions that come up for you in your heart, are they in alignment with the person that you see and the person you believe you're becoming? If there are things that you need to tweak to become that person, here is your sleep to do just that. I am very aware that the last two episodes have been quite reflective, and while I know that they may have come off as being pedantic meaning they may have come off as if I am over explaining or overstretching minor details around change and grief, and unfortunately or fortunately, I am also going to flog on more some emotions today. I maintain, though, that in understanding how differently we engage all these emotions, especially negative ones, it becomes easier to better align our thoughts and emotions To reflect the person we believe we are or working to be. Person we believe we are or working to be. Of course you know that is the definition of mental health, of being mentally agile. So take a breath with me, inhale slowly and exhale.

Speaker 2 3:29

This episode is a gentle journey, hopefully, into a subject we all know but don't always understand Fear. It's going to be in about three or four chapters and I'm not rushing through it. We are not rushing through it. We are not rushing through it. We are walking in carefully and curiously. We will explore its layers, from personal through to emotional to cultural and even spiritual. So please find a quiet place, settle in and let's begin this journey to understanding fear. In my opinion, fear is the most misunderstood emotion and, while I'm not here to claim that I have all the answers or the perfect words to define how fear shows up because I don't I can say, or I can speak as vulnerable as I can, that I have a very healthy unhealthy relationship with fear.

Chapter 1: Why Are You Afraid?

Speaker 2 4:41

Sometimes it propels me, at other times it cripples me. Yet at other times, even when I know I am being irrational about it, I still give in to fear. She is such a close ally and my enemy too. I love to hate her. If calling fear female is a little bit uncomfortable for you, you can call it it, you can call it him. So today, like I said, it's going to be in chapters, about four chapters. Um, I will be sharing thoughts. Um, I've penned down over the years. There are scattered reflections, and I hope that towards the end of this we can come together and have a thread that ties these chapters together, in keeping with my style, though, just in case you're wondering what this might serve, especially when I said it's scattered thoughts, it's not to prescribe how you should engage with there, but maybe, just maybe, something in here might help you to begin to engage with it mindfully and interpret it in a way that suits you. So welcome chapter one. Why are you afraid? Have you stopped to consider why you fear, not just the source of the fear? Because there are enough resources out there pointing us to our supposed sources, what I mean. Why are you afraid to flunk that exam, fail at that business venture, deliver that presentation, make that trip. Sometimes it's just the quiet awareness of the likelihood of something unwelcoming happening, and sometimes the flutters in our chest are actually anxious excitement, but we have wrongly labeled it fear. Now, I'm not here to diagnose your emotions. You are the expert of your own experience. I'm just saying, if you really sit down with the emotion, if you dig into it, you might find that the root of that fear is care. Yes, you are afraid because you care. So dare I say that I am permitting you to fear. No, not to dwell or to go downward spiral, but to acknowledge, examine the facts behind the emotion, embrace the negative narratives you know, those ones that you carry and then ask yourself why do I care so much about this? That makes me afraid to fail? Maybe, just maybe, this could be the start of your journey to living mindfully. I wrote this a long time ago, when I was trying to give voice or words to what I thought fear was and, as I mentioned earlier, sometimes it cripples, sometimes it propels me and at other times it just doesn't make sense. These words came when it did not make sense to me the thoughts of whether I should stay in paid employment or to venture out to be an entrepreneur. So that was when I wrote that letter, long before I made the decision or long before I started to pen down, living mindfully. Now let's go to the second letter. I wrote to fear, on the heels of my diagnosis as a person leaving with bipolar affective disorder.

Chapter 2: Defining Fear's Many Faces

Speaker 2 9:16

So chapter two the jury is out on fear. What makes her even more interesting? There are a thousand and one definitions of her, depending on who is defining her. Even Webster and Oxford don't agree. Oxford says an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger or the likelihood of something unwelcome happening. The likelihood of something unwelcome happening. Webster adds an unpleasant emotion excited by danger and also deep reverence. See the range from panic to sacred awe. But one thing seems to run through Fear was sown into our human experience for protection, fight, flight, freeze. All this to say it's okay to feel afraid. Identify the cause, embrace the fact that fear is a feeling you can survive because, sure enough, it will pass.

Speaker 2 10:37

Chapter three fear in relationships. Now let's segue a bit. Fear in relationships. You know that moment when someone asks are you okay? The biggest obstacle is not knowing what to say, even with friends, even with people close to you, because those are the people you're most afraid to be vulnerable with. Why? Because we fear their perception of our not okayness. We fear being dismissed, being misunderstood, we fear the nakedness of honesty. Maybe being too honest is too vulnerable. So I invite you to find the words that feel safe for you, maybe open, real, present.

Speaker 2 11:50

Personally, I often found it easier to be affable, that is, friendly and cordial, with someone I might never see again. But once in a while I find a person or two with whom I don't feel the need to press the red button, and that's okay as much as it lies within you. Live at peace with all men. Oh, fearing relationships, uh, I must say, is the most crippling because, as they say, all lizards crawl on their belly. You never truly know which. One has a tummy ache that I wrote what I read earlier.

Chapter 4: Confronting Death Without Fear

Speaker 2 12:36

I wrote in the middle of a heartbreak, not necessarily a romantic heartbreak. It was a friend whom I could not reach out to and who couldn't reach out to me, and I was trying to understand the intricacies of that relationship. That was when I wrote that about relationships. The irony of a fear in relationship is that it is in kissing a lot of frogs and with each broken promise that you find yourself. That is when you know, or come to the understanding of what you can compromise on and what values you cannot trade on the altar of any kind of relationship. So my rule of the thumb is, as much as it lies with you, live at peace with all men. You may have to define what that means to you. End chapter four. Now, this chapter is a little bit morbid, but I promise you you will enjoy it. This thought comes from one of the oldest fears in the book, the fear of death.

Speaker 1 14:32

But before I share my thoughts or how I see death. Let's hear what Maya Angelou had to say about it. You seem to be fearless, as the other quality that I've noticed about you.

Speaker 3 14:38

I'm afraid all the time, but I'm not afraid of anything.

Speaker 1 14:41

You're not afraid of life.

Speaker 3 14:43

No, but therefore you cannot be afraid of death. Oh no, I gave. I gave into that once I really admitted that I would die, that it is the one promise I can be sure will not be renamed upon, that's true once I understood that then I could be present.

Speaker 3 16:43

And I'm totally present all the time. I try Now I don't make it all the time, but I try to bring all my stuff here in this studio. Everything I've got is here and when I leave here, everything I've got will be in that taxi. It will be in the hotel.

Speaker 1 17:01

But you see, that could be a dangerous philosophy if you think that you've got to live every single moment because you could be greedy. You could be greedy, but you're not saying that you know, take everything I can now, now. Now, you don't mean that.

Speaker 3 17:12

No, maybe just the opposite Give everything I've got Not take. I mean, what is that? Give everything All the time.

Speaker 2 17:26

Give everything All the time.

Speaker 2 17:37

Maya's disposition towards fear and living gently or maybe not gently mirrors mine. So here goes. I have never truly feared death. There are a few reasons for this. Maybe it's because ideation was once a frequent visitor when I was heavy on the spectrum. I now use the word transition not because of reincarnation or spiritual evolution, not because I'm debating whether heaven or hell exists, but because I've come to understand that it is not an end. My concern has always been am I living right? If I am, then I can sleep forever. In whatever form eternity takes.

Speaker 2 18:29

What I think scares most people about death is the uncertainty of the afterlife, the amorphic nature of it. All too vague, too many theories. And before someone throws the heaven and hell philosophies at me, let's admit every faith system has its unique expression of what eternity looks like or what it means. So may I invite you to remove your faith-colored glasses for a moment. Very recently, I sent this question to five people in my life what will you do if and when you hear I have transitioned? But you heard late. The response is very hilarious, apart from one. They all said I can't think about this now, which is fair, but most of them are used to me asking these questions anyways. So what's the point of this. Why are we so focused on the intangible nature of the afterlife when we are not focused enough on the visible life we're living? Life itself is an uncertain certainty. Writing your name in the sands of time is another uncertain certainty. As I've said before, it is not about dying. That part is easy. It's about living with intention. Live in such a way that, whatever faith you hold on to or don't, the uncertainty of the afterlife will not overpower you. So you see, maya and I are probably on the same page.

Speaker 2 20:46

What's the summary of today's mindful moment on fear? Yes, that's what I'm calling it. Mindful moment on fear is to remember. Fear is not always the enemy. Sometimes it is a signal that you care deeply. Sometimes it is a signal that you care deeply. Sometimes it is a teacher pointing you back to what you value, and sometimes it is simply asking you to pause, breathe and listen. Now let me close with a practice that helps me. Now let me close with a practice that helps me. So I just don't want to throw it out there and not give some sort of sucker or solution to whatever it is. I have to. Now it is called the sbnrr technique. It's a mindful technique that I use. You will be familiar with this if you have read my book Living Mindfully A Journey to being, and applying this to fear is just one way you could use this technique Stop, breathe, notice, reflect, respond and resolve.

Speaker 2 22:06

So let's walk through this together. Stop, pause, interrupt the autopilot, recognize the inner chatter or outer chaos, then ask yourself is this serving me or punishing me? Breathe, come back to your body, take a deep, conscious breath. Let your presence return, notice what's going on on the inside and the outside. Name your thoughts. Name your thoughts, acknowledge your emotions, observe without judgment, reflect, ask why is this fear here? What belief, memory or value is being activated? Respond, choose your next step with awareness, not out of habit, not out of fear. Ask what would my wise self do? And then resolve let go or move forward with intention, not for perfection but for peace, not for control but for closure. S, b, n, r, r, r r.

Speaker 2 23:35

Of course you know we're not round off this without sharing some journaling prompts with you. So here are they here? They are not here. Are they here? They are are Not here. Are they here? They are?

Journaling Prompts and Closing Thoughts

Speaker 2 23:47

Number one for your journaling prompt. Bring out your pen or on your phone, or just think about it. Number one is what fear am I carrying today and what does it reveal about what I value? It reveal about what I value. Two, where have I let fear decide for me instead of choosing with awareness? Three, what would it feel like to thank my fear for trying to protect me and then choose my next step with intention, as a mindful partner that you are?

Speaker 2 24:41

Today's episode was such a journey through what I will call the anatomy of fear, and here's my prayer for you May you walk away with something that helps you engage your own fears not as enemies, but as signals, as invitations to go deeper. May you remember that courage is not the absence of fear, it is the willingness to walk alongside it. Mindfully. Thank you for joining with me, as always. Mindfully, remember you support Mindfully with Tumishe by following the show on socials uh, instagram and uh threads and uh x. Mindfully with me, rating the show everywhere and anywhere you listen to podcasts, but, most importantly, sharing it with people in your life who may need a little pick-me-up or two. Until next time, stay gentle with yourself, love yourself, love your neighbor, love your country. Above all of this, love god. He is the essence of your being. I am.