Facing The Mirror

Sexual abuse stories trend every week, and the internet reacts like it has only two buttons: defend and attack. But when the noise gets louder, the people behind the story can disappear. We slow the pace down and ask what those viral debates are really doing to our bodies, our minds, and our ability to heal. I share why these headlines can feel so personal, how unhealed wounds show up as anger or certainty, and why a mindful breath is sometimes the first act of courage. 

We explore an old allegory about deflection and blame as a mirror for modern conversations about exploitation and molestation. If we say we want accountability, we have to be willing to look at the parts of the story we avoid, especially the family silence that keeps harm alive for generations. I also share a pivotal moment from my own journey, including a psychiatrist’s hard question about the cycle of abuse and what it means to refuse that cycle. Then we hold space for an anonymous caller’s story, a reminder that survival often looks like leaving, choosing safety, and carrying secrets for decades. 

Healing does not mean forgetting. It can mean the trauma no longer narrates your whole life. We talk about naming the wound, reclaiming authorship, and why the way forward is quieter and more personal than social media arguments: truth spoken in safe homes, faith spaces, and healing spaces where survivors are protected and supported. If you know someone who’s hurting, share this with them, subscribe for more redemptive stories, and leave a review so more people can find a starting point for healing.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Hi, mindful partners. Thank you for sticking with mindfully with the mission. Welcome to the show today. Before I get into today's episode, I feel extremely responsible to say that some parts of the conversation today might be triggering because it is around sexual abuse, sexual exploitation, and the stories that surround it. While I honor that it might stir up heavy emotions, I invite you to hold space for yourself and the people in your life or the person listening with you.

Trigger Warning And Intentions

SPEAKER_00 1:12

You know by now, for those who have been here long enough that we do not do substories here, but redemptive stories. If you are new, I invite you to come in with curiosity and what we identified last week as the beginner's mind. Now, let's get to it. Almost every week or every other week on social media, there is a story that alludes to sexual molestation or exploitation that stares a familiar storm. A story will surface, opinions will erupt, sides will be taken. And as I watched the debate unfold, I found myself thinking about something very old. A tale as old as time. Whether or not you believe the biblical story of the beginning literally happened, is not the real point today. But it is a powerful allegory. An allegory I'm willing to explore today to help us understand how the stories work. You know when Adam and Eve were asked that simple question, who told you that you were naked? Neither of them answered directly. The response was in circles, deflection, blame, avoidance, all psychological new age terms we're now more familiar with than we were, let's say, twenty years ago. And sometimes when I watch the way we respond to social issues today, I see the same pattern. Round around the village we go. But the truth remains, as

Social Media Storms And Deflection

SPEAKER_00 3:30

much as I hate using absolutes, the truth remains, humans rarely enjoy looking into the mirror. I'm not talking about the mirror that you look at when you're trying to make sure that you're looking dapper for your meeting or for that date. No, the metaphorical mirror, the one that asks uncomfortable questions, the one that demands accountability. Most of us look only long enough to fix what must be heeding so we can step metaphorically outside and appear home. And then when we walk away from the mirror, forgetting the imperfections we were trying to correct. But before we go any further, I know it's still very early. Can we just take a breath? If you're where you can close your eyes and you're comfortable to close your eyes, close your eyes. If you are not where you can close your eyes, just look at a point that is, you know, just really lower your leads and look at a point. Put your hand to your chest and just breathe. Notice what is going on in your body right now and let it go. Relax your shoulders, relax the space between your ears, relax your forehead, then take a deep breath. Feel your lungs

Guided Breath And Nervous System Check

SPEAKER_00 5:47

with your shoulders down and one big out. When these stories trend, it touches or they touch something very deep for many people, myself inclusive. For some, it triggers anger. For others, it triggers disbelief. For some other steel, it reopens wounds that were never fully acknowledged, not to talk of heal. Each side shouting louder than the order. But in the noise, something important is often forgotten. The real people whose lives are behind the stories. Defending a side of the narrative is not always the same thing as

When Trending Stories Hit Home

SPEAKER_00 7:16

helping the people who are suffering. And if we're honest, sometimes the reason we react so strongly to stories of sexual exploitation and molestation is because the story we're hearing or reading is not just someone else's story. It is brushing against something inside us. Like a wound that didn't heal well, and you're trying to remove the scab, and then it just unheals again, and then it doesn't heal well again. Something we may not have fully healed or healed from. Again, a truth is until we truly heal, we will continue to bleed on people who were not part of those who hurt us. Maybe the reason stories about sexual molestation and sexual exploitation ignite such intense reaction, is not simply because they are shocking. It may also be because many of us are just not hearing the stories. We are hearing echoes of our own stories inside of it. Stories that were never spoken, stories that were dismissed, and stories that were buried under silence. Again, if this seems to be a trigger, please step away for a moment and then come back to listen because we're going to another part of the story taking you back to 2016. That seems to be the year of my awakening. But before I get into that, if you need to take time out to step away from this conversation, please do honor yourself and give space and hold space for yourself. It is much more important than listening to the conversation today on Mindfully with Sumice. And when you're ready, come back and finish the episode. 2016. Initially, the show was created to help Legussians understand transport policies. The idea was simple help people see these policies

2016 Diagnosis And A Hard Question

SPEAKER_00 10:48

were more about saving lives than imposing penalties. But life as it often does, and if you're used to me right now, had other plans for me. It was around that time I received the diagnosis that I was leaving with bipolar affective disorder. Treatment began. He asked, Have you done what was done to you to someone else? I honestly did not understand the question. Then he repeated gently, Have you also molested someone the way you were molested? To say I was stunned? He's putting it too mildly. My mind could not process it. My response was quick and simple. How would I willingly impose the pain I feel in someone else? And then he said something that stayed with me. He said, that's the often, that's often the natural cycle. You know what they say? Hurt people hurt others. But something inside me resisted that idea completely. Not for me, not if I could help it. Getting back to the show. So one Thursday during the show, we were discussing, you guessed it, sexual abuse within families. Then the moment that probably changed the way I began to speak about mental health happened. An elderly woman called him, at the time she was six to five years old. She asked to remain anonymous. She shared that she had left home at seventeen years old and married the first man who asked. Not because she was in love, not because she was even attracted to the man she said, but because she felt safe. Or that this was her taking her own life in her

A Caller’s Story Of Escape

SPEAKER_00 14:12

hands. Why? Because she was being sexually abused at home by family members. Home was not safe. And then I asked, How are you now? And she's like, She's okay, she's grateful that that seemingly impulsive decision was the best she'd ever taken, and she'd not even ever told her husband, but she felt free and thanked me for being brave enough to host the conversation that day. But behind the microphone, something else was happening. As a broadcast journalist, of course, I kept my composure, but my guest, who's a psychiatrist that day, and of course, who has shared, well, have shared my story with, knew I was deeply triggered. Some parts of this story I have shared before in some interviews. Some parts I may never share. Because my nervous system matters more to me than any trending topic. And maybe I'm inviting you, maybe your nervous system should be should matter to you too. Maybe, just maybe. What happens in the family stays in the family. And to be honest, that's fair. At some point, that is needed, but not because people are always cruel, sometimes because they are afraid, sometimes because reputation feels more fragile than truth. So the child is told to keep quiet. The adults look the other way, and the wound grows in the dark. And this is how unhealthy cycles survive for generations. Not only because harm happens, but because silence protects the harm

Family Secrets And Generational Cycles

SPEAKER_00 16:56

more than it protects the victim, the child, or the survivor. The hard truth. If you are truly interested in stopping this unhealthy cycles of sexual abuse, sexual exploitations, and molestation, we may have to ask uncomfortable questions. Bring ten men together and ask them about their first sexual encounter. Then bring ten women together and ask the same question. Listen carefully without judgment, with curiosity. I have done it and that's why I'm sharing it. Some men will describe encounters that happened when they were very young with older women or authority figures, and often with laughter, sometimes even with pride.

Uncomfortable Questions About First Encounters

SPEAKER_00 18:14

Some women may describe similar experiences, some with laughter, some with pride, some with shame, some with silence, and others with guilt. The tone may be different between genders, but beneath those stories, there is often something shared, a common denominator, a loss of innocence that no child should experience. So when stories like this explode across social media, maybe the real question is not who is winning the argument, not the hot dicks or the think pieces. Maybe the real question is what is the way forward? Because shouting louder than the other side will not heal the wound. Pointing fingers and saying what gender or what gender perpetrates the more will not heal it. Silence will not heal it either. And worse off, pretending it does not exist will not stop it from happening again. I need us to take another break. Like I said, this is heavy for me and maybe one of the most vulnerable episodes I would ever do on Mindfully with Michael. So again, if this is triggering, step aside and when you're ready, come back to listen. But if you feel brave enough to continue listening, I invite you again to just take a deep breath. Notice what your body is feeling, notice the part of your body that this conversation, the solar ant, if you want, is ease in your body. If it's in your shoulders, just relax your shoulders. If your head is pounding, just put your two fingers

The Way Forward Beyond Gender Blame

SPEAKER_00 20:57

by your temples and rub gently. If you feel your nervous system tightening, you feel your muscles tightening, just take a deep breath, feel your lungs, like feel it with all the oxygen that you wanna, and let's continue. And this is some sort of um healing invitation. Healing does not mean the memory disappears, some memories will remain. That's part of your story. There's nothing you can do about your story. Some scars definitely will be there, the wood remain. But healing can mean something else. It can mean that the event is no longer the place from which your entire Entire life is narrated. It can mean reclaiming

Breathing Break And A Healing Frame

SPEAKER_00 22:05

authorship of your own story, and sometimes it may eventually mean forgiveness. Sometimes, not because the harm was acceptable or is acceptable, but because your life deserves to be larger than the moment someone tried to break it. If we truly want to stop these cycles, the work is not only in public debates, the work is quieter, the work is more personal, it happens in the places where truth is finally spoken, at home, in faith spaces, in healing spaces, where silence is broken, where healing becomes possible. I will say it again, until we heal, we will continue to bleed on those who had nothing to do with our hurt. And maybe the real courage is this: to face the mirror, to name the wound, and to choose that the story does not end there. If this conversation stared something inside you today, please be gentle with yourself. If it triggered anger, I'm sorry. If it triggered pain, I'm sorry. If it triggered a memory that

Reclaiming Your Story And Forgiveness

SPEAKER_00 24:08

you would rather not remember, remember to name the wound. Healing does not happen in a single conversation. It cannot happen. This is a starter for you. For me, who is still on the healing journey, and sometimes it begins with something much smaller. The courage to acknowledge that the wound still exists. But allow me to add one more thing. If you're hurting, or a survivor like me, may I borrow you my name. For me, it's not just a name, it is a prayer. For those who may not understand my language or not understand or have an idea what Yoruba sounds like, the transliteration of my name is the Lord will repair, restore, renew, and all the synonyms. So again, I pray my name over you. If anything in this episode

Prayer Name And How To Share

SPEAKER_00 26:00

resonated with you in any way, follow, share, especially if you know someone who is hurting, who's been vulnerable with you, and they're looking for a head start on how to start healing. Please share with them. Give us a like also. That gives us a little bit more visibility and we can share this healing stories with more people like you. And I would truly appreciate it too. Then, if you think it supports your journey, you can join the WhatsApp group. The link is a show notes, and you and I can continue and maybe we can help each other gain more clarity and hold each other's hands on the way to healing. Love yourself, love your neighbor, love your country. Above all of these, love God, He is the essence of your being.