Taking Responsibility Without Losing Connection

“No one is coming to save you” is supposed to be motivating, but what if it’s also making us lonelier? 

We start with a simple mindful check-in, soften the body, breathe, and ask the real question beneath the slogan: how are you actually doing right now, and what happens inside you when you hear that line online?

I explore the tension between personal responsibility and human connection. Yes, we own our choices, our healing, and our next step. 

But we’re also living in a time where constant connectivity can hide deep isolation, and where the myth of being “self-made” quietly erases the friends, partners, mentors, and communities that keep us steady. 

I share a personal story from an earlier podcast attempt that stalled, how fear showed up when it was time to begin again, and how support sometimes “saves” us without rescuing us by doing the work.

From there, we get practical and honest about trust and vulnerability. 

Who is safe?

Who do you share your scars with? 

And how do you ask for help when you’ve learned to do everything alone? 

We also reflect on friendship as a life-changing force, the kind that reminds you of what’s good in you, and we end with questions you can sit with after the audio ends.

If this conversation lands for you, subscribe, share it with someone you trust, and leave a review so more people can find the show. 

What’s one area of your life where you’re resisting help?

Transcript

Check In And Settle Your Body

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Hey mindful partners. How are you doing today? No, I'm in it. How are you doing today? I may not be able to hear your answer, but I can feel it. I'm with you in the spirit as to say. But jerks aside, I really need you to answer that question for you. Now soften your shoulders. Relax your face. Relax the space between your ears. Unclench your jaw and sigh out. Again, how are you doing after that? Like I hear someone saying, Ha to Michelle, what's going on? Why are you starting like this? You will find out soon. Hmm. If you have been following the series, you'll know I've been exploring everyday sayings, phrases, you know, those kinds that sound profound and actually are profound at first, but when you sit with them, when you explore them, when you put a magnifying glass to them, it begins to look like uh there can be a double-edged sword depending on the phase that you are in life or where that phrase met you all the time. And you know how my people of course you know I'm gonna say it. Um how my people say uh you you enjoy life where it meets you. I don't want to say it in English in Europa. Uh part of it, you enjoy life where it meets you. If it meets you in the rain, you might as well relieve yourself in the rain. If it meets you in the forest, just stop low and relieve yourself. And I say it over and over again on the show. T B T Re La Diet. Yes, I'm in my Yoruba and what's it called now? Divinity on a serious note, our serious node, and one of the things that keeps showing up lately on socials, on X, okay. Thread is still coming up, put on X, on on Facebook, on on um Instagram. No one is coming to save you. What? No one is coming to save you, and some I've heard this from one big international coach like that. She actually had like a minute um reel on no one is coming to save you. Get up, no one is coming to save you. Every time I hear it, I pause and I ask, how nain, like the comfort zone premise. I understand the premise. I understand the premise of take responsibility for your own life, own your life, own your actions, own your decisions. I get that, I really do, but then you look at the world and where we are in today, they say we are the most connected generation, and yet a high percentage of us are deeply, deeply alone. So I ask again, no one is coming to save you? Really? Come on, even Jesus, the savior of the world, who came to save the world did not work alone. He had 12 people, and within the 12, he had three. Again, what exactly do we mean by no one is coming to save you? Before anyone comes for me and thinks I'm just questioning these sayings for the sake of it. Of course, if you listen to the first two, um, you'll understand that somehow, somehow, a story brought me here. Something happened in my life or in someone else's life, and he it just gives a different meaning, gives me new lenses to see this phrases or phraseologies. So, as is custom, I tell a story. Hey, and this one is first about this podcast. Yes, this one that you are listening to years ago, years ago, the year being 2015, I started a podcast all around the world with Tsumishi. Don't worry, you won't see it anywhere, you won't find it delivered. Not because the show is bad, or it because it was really just 10 minutes of my observation around the world. It was 10 minutes, tops. The show wasn't bad, but I stopped it. You see, I had a production partner, our arrangement was simple. I write and record, and they edit and produce. Season one, very smooth, and the um um what's it called? Now the feedback was really, really interesting, smooth. Then season two,

Questioning “No One Will Save You”

SPEAKER_00 7:18

it has it began the four legs was remaining three. By season three, I had recorded 13 episodes, and it took three months to produce. And me, I didn't confront it, like I said, or like I usually say, I do not like confrontation, I'd rather resolve it in my head and then phase whatever was coming. So I withdrew and eventually I stopped. And I should maybe I should be grateful for the things that happened between 2015, 2016, 2017 that were not so great, but 2017 came like you've heard with a bang, lost my mother, so I could not even write anything. So maybe it was the universe was got telling me to take a break, but that was the story. Fast forward to oh, that is the story, fast forward to 2023 when I wanted to start a podcast again. Um this time, of course, you know it now. Mindfully, which we're running on the third year now, but I was scared. I didn't have a team, it was just me, my mic, and a calling. Two friends. Um, I I'm sure they don't want me to mention their names, but I would. Two friends, SA Peters and Um Tony Jayomi, talk like the sat me down. It's like, what? Why are you scared? I'm like, I can't do this alone, there's no team and inanna. And SA said to me, to me, you can do it. But Tony, who's been my friend since forever, goes, have you forgotten you started as a producer, not a presenter. So get behind that mic, it will come back to you. Now, that looked like uh no one is coming to save you, Mormon. Because if I'm honest, that friend did save me, but what he did say that was not clear at the time, or maybe it was clear, was nobody was coming to save you. Get behind that mic and it will come back to you. But the truth is he did save me, not by doing the work for me, but by reminding me that I already had what I needed, so I'm going to ask again, what does that statement? No one is really coming to save you mean. I'm asking, truly asking, and while you're thinking about it, take a pause because this one I wanted to sit down, we're moving into such individual individualism and losing connection because we want to do rather than be. So take a deep cleansing breath through your nose for five, four, three, two, one. Hold it, then gently sigh it out through your mouth, gently for one, two, three, four, now ask yourself where in my life have I been trying to do everything alone? And where has help already shown up? But I did not recognize it. And as I'm asking you that question, I'm answering to my head as ah to Michelle, you like to do everything. I'm thinking back to a chat I had with a friend just about four days ago when she was talking about my health again, and she was like, maybe the lesson is for you to learn how to ask for help. You see, I said to you, when is when I'm talking and writing, and some clarity comes to me. Oh sir, ask yourself that question again. Where in my life have I been trying to do everything alone? And where has help already shown up, but I didn't recognize it. Help has shown up for me in podcasts now, in the name of Toby. And I'm recognizing it, though I must say there's still a bit of tension, but I'm enjoying letting go. If you know me, you know letting go is my nemesis. So let's talk about connection for a moment. Yes, we are responsible for our lives, but we can agree it is not that simple. Some people do everything right, and life still happens. Some people coast through life and still land in opportunities, but one thing is clear we are all wired for connection, and this is where the tension comes in because the way this phrase is used now, especially online, it certainly promotes individualism, and the truth, no one is self-made. You have the idea, you

Starting Again With Real Support

SPEAKER_00 14:27

we hear all the success stories, but the person who has an idea, someone caught on the idea, one the person caught on the idea, then the beginning, and then it's a rippling effect. No one is self-made. If you know someone who is self-made without help, please share with me. And let's what's I wanted to say you see Europe like Jimmy Turora. That's what came to mind. Let's let's let's oh what's the word? Um let's sit down together and talk about it. If you know anyone who's self-made, I I re and this is I'm not trying to I'm not trying to um put off an argument. I really, really need to know if there is, because if there is, then it will change the way I also think about the word the well the word self-made, and then I can further explore it, and then come back here and you know I I really want to know. Um, then there's the other side. Who do you trust? Who is safe? Because sometimes the people you trust do fail you, and like my earlier story, but what did I learn? As a person of faith, I asked God for my own people, but I also remind myself the best of humans is still human, and um, to help me drive home this maybe my point or my view um about no one coming to save you, and the people who saved me as I was trying to start mindfully to Michelle, I I saw something, um, a question that was asked um Trevor Noah. All right, um, it was on a street. I don't even know what street it was on, but it was on a street. And then this question was asked him.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

What is an experience that has changed your life? I would say the biggest experiences that have changed my life has actually been meeting every single person I now call a friend. If you watch Harry Potter, I'm a big Harry Potter fan. The same way Voldemort had whore cruxes that kept him alive. I think your friends are your whore cruxes. Like a good friend is somebody who reminds you of something good inside of you, somebody who reminds you how smart you are, how funny you are, how tenacious you are, people who keep the little pieces of you that you wish to keep of yourself. I think young men, this is this is something that many men I think expands. We've lived in a world where we've been told to be strong, we've been told to be tough, we've been told to not cry, we've been told all these things, you know, we've got each other with friendship is being able to be sensitive with each other. Friendship is being able to being able to ask your best friend, hey man, uh, what's going on in your life? What are you struggling with? What are you what's not going well for you? What message would you have for your friends right now? Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 17:44

Um, I don't know if that hit you the way you hit me. I hope it did. I know this is not necessarily about friendships, but it's about connection, it's about whether no one is coming to save you or not. That's what this is about. And I'm trying to explore how the people in your life can save you even when you are taking responsibility for your life. Um, what Trevor says uh said in that clip um when he said, I'm a uh I'm a huge Harry Potter fan, so I understand the metaphor that he used there, Voldemort with the occurses, you know, each of it for those who are not Harry Potter fans, it just me uh I'll try to explain. So Voldemort um was this really really bad villain in um um the Harry Potter series, and for all the series for all the ser um the series, each series in that um in that um book one Hockrucks, a part of him that he had put in a place, in a thing, in and Harry Potter being the biggest of all the Hockruxes was

Connection Beats The Self Made Story

SPEAKER_00 19:14

destroyed with from um season one up from episode season, whatever book one to book seven, right? So I understand exactly what um what Trevor said with those with that particular metaphor. Your friends are the people who can make you and can break you, right? And that leads me to this beautiful line from the song Um Exit Wounds by the script. Uh the line says, lose your clothes and show your scars that's who you are. Lose your clothes and show your scars that's who you are. However, well, I I love the song, Exit Ones, don't look for it. It's in the album Um Science and Faith. But as I was basking, in like I really, really love that line. A friend once said to me, Yes, lose your clothes and show your scars, but mind the audience you undressed before. It's not like it took the power of the thing, but you know, it helped me to see that yes, no one might be coming to save me. I might have to take um responsibility for my life, but the ones that would come to save me, I have to be careful to choose. And that stayed with me. Maybe because this is why this statement thrives. People don't know where he's safe, who is safe, how the truth will be received, and beyond that, there are real barriers, access to help, affordability, confidentiality. So, what happens? Some people find their voice and speak, others use it as a crutch or even a weapon, and the cycle continues. But remember the episode on vulnerability? Understanding your patterns and where they come from helps you discern, no, discern who will you will let in. So maybe instead of saying no one is coming to save you, we can say, I will take responsibility for my life and I will walk in the company of people who are safe for me and who I can be safe for. Because when all is said and done, we are all walking each other home. I'll say that again. When all is said and done, we are all walking each other home. Because the moment I said that, yes, I said it, I wrote it. When all is said and done, we're all walking each other home. Like three or four songs popped into my head that I wished I could use right now. Um uh yeah. Walk me on, uh Pink. Um uh yeah, Exit Wounds, the script. Um yay, this one by uh by Asha. Um yeah, oh I should barely get oh why can't I remember the title? Okay, just go look for it. Okay, so I really, really, really got into that walking each other home. And of course, I'll leave you with some questions, no pressure, notice what comes up, and allow the answers to come to you. I know whenever I say allow the quiz the answers to come to you, somebody is saying, How will the answer come to me? It's just simple. Let yourself go so that what you know doesn't stand in the way of what you might need to know or what needs to be known by you. Yeah, parallelism. Ready? Where in my life am I over relying on myself? Where am I resisting help? And why am I saying that one myself? Who in my life feels safe? And do they know that they are my safe space? How do I show up for others safe or guarded? What does doing life with people look like for you right now? Be mindful not just of your thoughts, but of the people walking beside you. Because after all is said and done, you're all walking each other home. Thank you for your time. And if anything in this episode spoke to you, resonated with you, follow, share, give us a like. It gives us a little bit more visibility and helps Toby to sleep. And truly, I would appreciate it. And if you think it supports your journey, you can join the WhatsApp group. The link is in the show notes, and you and I can continue and maybe we can help each other gain more clarity. You might have heard that I have a book in bookstores, it's titled Living Mindfully. That's where this podcast gets its name, a journey to be in. If you need to get a copy, check the show notes again. You can find them, uh find it on Amazon, um Sella uh for the e copy

Vulnerability Needs A Safe Audience

SPEAKER_00 26:33

and Roven Heights. Thank you. A huge shout out to Yogusi. She's mindful, just very funny. Thank you very much for making my job easier and for allowing me to learn how to let go. Love yourself, love your neighbor, love your country. Above all of this, love God, He is the essence of your being. I am Lua T Mish, or ladakbo. Stay mindful.