Give Me My Flowers

“Give me my flowers while I’m still here” sounds like a clean rule for life, but once you factor in loneliness, shifting relationships, and the masks we wear to survive, it gets complicated fast. We start with a simple mental health frame I keep coming back to: alignment. 

When your thoughts, emotions, and actions aren’t at war, you feel more grounded. And because language shapes our inner world, reframing common phrases can be a surprisingly powerful mindfulness practice.

We talk about why social media can feel so loud, why so many of us crave a seat at the table, and how the most connected generation can still feel painfully alone. 

I pause for a breath with you and ask the question that can change a lot: whose opinion still steadies you or shakes you, and why? 

From there, we go into the armor we reach for when we’re afraid, pulling from Brené Brown’s insight that armor, not fear, is what blocks love, connection, and our values.

Then we bring it back to “flowers” and relationships. 

Some people drift with no fight, no drama, just distance, and when loss arrives we remember the beauty more than the gap. 

We also look at friendship through a lens that challenges the usual definition, including Simon Sinek’s idea that real friends aren’t only there for hard times, they’re the people who can celebrate your good news without making you feel like you’re bragging. 

We end with reflection questions you can sit with all week and a reminder that sometimes the most mindful move is to give yourself flowers while you learn how to ask for what you need.

If it resonates, subscribe, share it with someone you’re walking beside, and leave a review so more people can find these mental health and mindfulness conversations.

Transcript

Words Alignment And Mental Health

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Hello, mindful partners. Who what a ride May has been, right? I told you she was funny. Have you enjoyed this reframing series as much as I have? If I'm being honest, after each episode, I'd go back, I'd read, I'd reflect, then ask myself, did I really communicate what I was trying to say? Because the heart of mindfully reached Michael is very simple. To demystify the narratives around mental well-being in the most unacademic way possible. And you might ask, Haba Tumishi, how is reframing sayings and idioms and phrases a mental health conversation? And I will say, Haba, let me answer that. And the simplest way I understand mental health is this alignment. Just one word, alignment. When your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions are not at war with each other. Because think about it, something as simple as hunger can change your mood, stress, lack, scarcity, heartbreak, love. You see where I'm going? So, yes, words matter. How we use them, how we interpret them, how we internalize them. And maybe it's just the linguist in me, Sha, or the Christian in me, who has heard all her faith life that the tongue holds the power of life and death. Or maybe it's both a linguist and a Christian. All of these to say that today we're looking at another phrase. But before I go there, um, if you've not followed us yet, if you've not shared yet, if you are just joining us family, please follow, share, send us a message uh with the send me a message link right in the show notes. Right? Who says that whatever you shared with me couldn't be a topic I could explore in the nearest future, and most importantly, I would appreciate hearing from you. So, which one are we looking at today? Give me my flowers while I'm still here. If you've been here long enough, you know I've touched on this episode, on this not this episode, this um give me my flowers thing before, but I felt it was worth revisiting as the perfect way to round off the series of reframing of

Follow Share And Send A Message

SPEAKER_02 3:41

idioms, aphorisms, and all that. Now, let's go back to the origin story of this give me my flowers, at least for me. I was having and this is back in 2021, I was having a conversation uh with a friend, and they asked me why does social media feel so loud these days? Why does it feel like there's so much negative energy? And I said, The world is a lonely place, and most of us do not know how to sit with ourselves because of the thoughts that might meet us there. Then I added, maybe that's why social media feels like a table where everyone is accepted, because deep down we all want a seat at the table. And now,

Why Give Me My Flowers Matters

SPEAKER_02 4:45

and now, years later, it feels even more true. We are, like I said in the last episode, the most connected ever generation, and yet the loneliness in this generation is very, very loud. Very loud. The other day, my brother sent me this um reel on Instagram where um friends were auctioning their friends out to so instead of a dating app, uh dating app, uh, friends, friends would take their friends to a pub, and then they'll auction just like is on a dating app. I've never used a dating app, but you know, I've watched movies with dating apps, and then they'll say, Oh, this is my friend, five feet falls and all that in a pub. And my brother and I celebrated that as us getting human again. That is how lonely we are. It is very loud, and people are either crashing out, as is said these days,

Loneliness And The Loud Internet

SPEAKER_02 5:51

or totally disappearing, which, in my opinion, is just another expert expression of a crash out. There seems to be no middle ground, no fine line between FOMO and Fafo. FOMO, for those who don't know, fear of missing out, and Fafo, this is a family-friendly podcast. Um, so go around and find out. That's what, but of course, the F there is not go around and find out, but move around and find out, then, of course, being too out there, because let's be honest, we say we don't care about what people think, but is that really true? Is that really true? And if you're honest still, there's always that someone, one person whose opinion can steady you or shake you. We've heard it so many times. To thine own self be true. This is from Hamlet, and I agree, really do, but I wonder sometimes if we quietly redefined it to mean I don't need anyone, and that's where the tension is for me. That that that that's where I struggle, that's where the emotional and relational tension appears for me. Because how is it possible on God's green earth in a world filled with people to live in a way that doesn't affect anyone? Everything we do, every single thing we do touches on someone. Like, think about the most mundane thing that we do, things that we do even privately, things that you do alone in the washroom, yes, that affects someone. Before we continue on this journey, take a deep breath. Inhale, exhale, then ask yourself whose opinion still matters to me and why. Don't rush the answer, let it come to you. You should be used to that now. Let the answer come to you. Now let's continue. The truth is, we all want to be seen, to be known, to be accepted, and sometimes, even despite wanting all of this, we wear masks, different masks for different spaces. Like a masquerade in the village square. We dance to the reading of the drums around us. Then the music changes. So do we. Even when our masquerade

Whose Opinion Still Moves You

SPEAKER_02 9:19

stumbles, it turns into a performance. If you're a Yoruba, you know exactly where the picture comes from. And it's not wrong, it's human, very human. The armor that we carry, the masks that we wear. Very human. I invite you to listen to what Brene says about this armor that we carry.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

It's not fear that gets in the way of us being brave with our lives and our work. It's armor. Everybody's afraid. It's okay to be afraid. What's dangerous is the armor that we reach for to self-protect when we're afraid. And how that armor moves us away from love, connection, and our values. I think the hardest work is being aware of what is my armor. What am I grabbing for when I'm afraid? What am I grabbing for when I want to protect my sense of self-worth, my ego? And how heavy that is. At some point, I had to wear it because that was survival for me growing up. This is the big developmental milestone of middle age, which is kind of when the universe grabs you by the shoulders

Masks Armor And What We Fear

SPEAKER_00 10:51

and pulls you really close and says, I'm not around anymore. I gave you gifts. Choosing not to grow into them is not benign. There's a consequence for that. And your armor is getting in the way. You have different choices. Let go of what doesn't serve. And that is the big milestone, I think, that we have to wrestle with in midlife. What no longer serves that's preventing us from growing into who we want to be.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

Sit with that for a moment. Just let it marinate, or you can go just rewind, listen to it again, then continue. It brings me to the heart of this episode. Give me my flowers while I'm still here. It's beautiful, it's a very beautiful saying, it's even very valid, and of course, it is human. But life, life is not always that simple. There are people you've known for years. You show up, you try, you invest, and somewhere along the line, something shifts. No fights, no drama, just distance, and you step back, not out of hate, but awareness, and life goes on until one day you hear the news of the transition. Suddenly, what you remember is not the distance but the beginning.

When Relationships Quietly Shift

SPEAKER_02 12:38

There are also people you meet later in life, everything aligns, energy matches. You think, I found my people, and then you begin to see more, not bad, just different, different enough for you to adjust, not out of rejection, but out of clarity. Again, life goes on until you get the news, you remember them for the beauty they brought. What am I getting at? Not all relationships are meant to be the same, not everyone is meant to stay, not everyone is meant to go deep, but everyone leaves something.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

That's a friend. Like, what makes a good friend? Like, I don't even know if we have a definition of that. You know, I've been asking people, and somebody said to me, Well, somebody who's there for you to support you in the hard times, that's a real friend, right? And I got thinking, and I talked to somebody else. She has a friend who she calls Mr. Schadenfreud because he seems to love when things go wrong. So in hard times, he's always there. He's always there in hard times, gives a shoulder to lean on, he's giving advice. But in good times, he's nowhere to be seen. And so what happens is it creates this horrible sort of codependent relationship that you want to keep the hard times because that wonderful human being is always there, so you never want to let go and you become codependent. And so you realize that there's something called a fair-withered friend who's only there in the good times. But be equally cynical and suspicious of the foul-weathered friend who's only there in the hard times because somehow it makes them feel good about themselves, but they're not there for the good times. And so you realize what's the what's the value of good

Friends Who Celebrate Your Wins

SPEAKER_01 14:44

time versus bad time? You and I have friends that in hard times we would call them, but I would bet money that you have even fewer friends that you want to text out of the blue and say, I won't award. Right? Think about that. Like, if something goes wrong, I've got a group of friends, probably, I've probably got a uh, you know, a dozen people I could say and say, I need your help. Things have gone horribly wrong, I need your advice. But if something amazing happens to me, that number, probably should extend to four. Then I'm gonna text out of the blue and go, something amazing happened today and not feel like I'm bragging, not feel like I'm trying to overwhelm them or prove them that I'm better than them, but knowing that they will be so happy for me. And so I started thinking that maybe a friend isn't just the person who's there for you in the hard times, but the person you can go to in the great times.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

That was Simon Senek. Um, and that's how he well explores the term friendship and how we navigate it in a world where giving flowers um has become uh not just a buzzword, but you know, a term to say that, well, at least to me, it's time to say that if I don't appreciate you now for what you're doing, I do not care about you. Um and and that's another conversation for another day. I probably will bring someone in here and we'll talk that can't be a solar end at all. And let what um Simon said uh sit with you for a moment. Just let it sit with you for a moment. And while it's sitting with you, maybe you're you know rewinding by 30 seconds to go listen again. It brings back this, or it brings to mind um a European saying that says in your last show me, and when you loosely translate transliterate that uh to be my community clothes me. Um so, yes, give people their flowers, but also understand that sometimes those flowers come in memories, those flowers will come in reflections, and sometimes we are very honest, we're waiting for flowers from people who don't even know we are expecting flowers from them. So, what do we do? We learn to be present, we learn to be aware, we learn to express what matters,

Community Presence And Self-Flowers

SPEAKER_02 17:41

and this is a Tumishi moment, right? Are you ready for it? A very Tumisha moment, and if no one gives you flowers, buy some, cut some, give yourself some. Not in the weird no one is coming to save me away, but because maybe being true to yourself is not about shutting people out, it's about choosing who you allow close enough to see you without your mask or masks, and choosing the drones to dance to. Because when all is said and done, remember from the last episode? Say it along with me. We are all walking each other. As I round off the series, oh my goodness, I didn't plan on this series, trust me, I didn't, I didn't, but I started writing and it just kept coming and I've enjoyed it. I'm going listening over and over again. Maybe I would get spin-offs or not. But as I round this off, I would like for you to sit with this reflection questions. Always remember not to rush the answers. I'm sure you're tired of hearing this, but I'll say it again. Let the answers come to you. Approach each question with curiosity. You can also always come back to listen. Ready for your questions this week? Where in my life am I performing instead of being? Who truly sees me and do I let them? Which relationships am I holding on to that have already shifted? Who have I appreciated but never told?

Reflection Questions For This Week

SPEAKER_02 19:58

What would it look like to live more presently with people? Be mindful not just with your thoughts, remember, but be mindful of the people walking beside you. Remember, after all is said and done, we are all walking each other home. June is a very special month. It is a men's mental health month, so we're going to walk around that, see how many men we can get to the studio to come talk to us mindfully. Um, we've done this for two years. Hopefully, this third one would be as beautiful as last year and up again. If not, we'll repeat the episodes. Don't mind me, we'll get people into the studio. And if anything we talked about today pricked your interest in anyway, please follow, share, give us a like, and that gives us a little bit more visibility and an opportunity and privilege to share um mindful tips and mindful narratives with people. And of course, if you think it will support your journey, join the WhatsApp group. The link is in the show notes. You and I can continue and maybe we can help each other gain more clarity.

June Plans And Closing Reminders

SPEAKER_02 21:35

You might have heard that I have a book. The title Take a Wild Guess Living Mindfully. To the not so funny, because she said, Why did I why did I say she's funny? Not so funny, but mindful. Assistant to be see. I am Uluatumishe or Ladakuku. Love yourself, love your neighbor, love your country. Above all of this, love God. He is the essence of your being. Stay mindful.