MakeSumGains

The truth behind becoming a high value woman

• Summer • Episode 88

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Your mind is more powerful than you think—so why are most women running on mental poison instead of self-respect and purpose? In this episode, we’re breaking down what it actually means to be a high-value woman (hint: it’s not about looking the part—it’s about being the part).

We’ll dive into:

  • The top vices women use to cope, escape, or numb their emotions
  •  A no-BS self-audit to see where you’re holding yourself back
  •  The 3 steps to becoming the woman who owns her worth, sets ruthless standards, and executes like she means it

If you’re tired of running in circles, it’s time to level the hell up. Let’s go.


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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Make Some Gains podcast. I'm your host, summer Venowitz, and this is a space where I'll be cutting through the bullshit and stripping away the filter. My aim is to help you reframe your mind, question the norms and push you to achieve new levels of success. Through raw conversations I'll open up about my personal experiences, my ideas and my struggles. I want to empower you to live up to your full potential. Let's go make some gains. Hello, hello, welcome back to the podcast.

Speaker 1:

I thought of the idea for this podcast episode last night after gymnastics. I did not want to go. It was freeze, raining, snowing. The drive it's at 7 30. The drive is like a 30 minute drive. I was.

Speaker 1:

Each week I come so close to skipping, but I'm like, I'm not skipping. I signed up for it, I'm doing it and I went and on my drive home afterwards I I was reflecting and thinking about how fucking cool it is that I signed myself up for adult gymnastics not knowing a single person in there. They all know each other. They're all much more advanced than I am most of them and last night I finally landed my front handspring on the floor. I did it two weeks ago, but then last week I was unable to do it again and unable to land it. And it was the same thing this week where I was struggling to, like officially, pull it together and land it. And in my own mind, it was crazy, because the second that I told myself I don't have the option to not land this. I said we are not leaving this fucking place until I land this. Then I landed it. I'm so annoyed by that, or I'm like, oh my gosh, it's all in our heads. Our minds are so fucking powerful and in 2025, 2025, 2024, 2025, most of our minds are filled especially females with so much mental poison. There are so many women walking around at probably 20% of what they could be, simply because they don't understand, notice, see their own value, and it is time to wake the fuck up and start noticing. All right, and that's what this episode is going to do for you.

Speaker 1:

So I was curious because this, this idea of, like, a high value woman um, I wanted to know, like the official definition. So I got my good old chat GPT out and I told it to define high value woman and the exact definition that it spit out is a high value woman is a woman who deeply knows her worth, holds herself to high standards and operates from self-respect rather than seeking validation. She prioritizesizes growth, emotional intelligence and aligned decision-making, attracting high quality relationships, opportunities and experiences. I'm going to read that one more time High value woman is a woman who deeply knows her worth, holds herself to high standards and operates from self-respect rather than seeking validation. She prioritizes growth, emotional intelligence and aligned decision making, attracting high quality relationships, opportunities and experiences. So my view of this idea of a high value woman it has so incredibly little to do with the way that you look, the car that you drive. I actually at one point had a mentor. She is huge into like dressing as her next level self, which I definitely, definitely see value in that.

Speaker 1:

Um, but at one point I got talked into buying this perfume. Like I took what she was saying and this idea of, okay, you need to look and dress and feel like this 10 out of 10 version of yourself, this future version of yourself, and so I bought this expensive ass perfume and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is going to change my life. This is going to change my life. This is going to change. This is going to do it Like me buying me, buying this expensive ass perfume and spraying it on my body every day. It's going to. It's going to, it's like magic, it's just going to. It's going to melt into my skin, magically, change the person that I am. And it did nothing. Nothing changed. And then I wondered why. And the reason why is because becoming a high value woman has so little to do with the perfume that you use, the car that you drive, even the fucking clothes that you wear, the way that you look. We're going to dive more deep into this.

Speaker 1:

Number two, being a high value woman, it's not about being that strong bitch, that boss babe who carries the weight of a world on her shoulders and burns herself out every five seconds. No, that is not a high value woman. That is someone who, again, is chasing either external validation, some sort of validation from others, love from others. The reason why that woman feels the need to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders and carry everybody else's problems right is because her own self-worth is lacking. So it's not about this raw dog your way through life. I'm so strong, I'm the toughest bitch out here. I'm the boss babe who is so stuck in her masculine that she can't even function. No, being a high value woman is about who you are when no one is watching.

Speaker 1:

So part of this, this, the second part of this episode also came the idea came from a podcast that I was listening to. So my dirty little secret is I listen to podcasts that are meant for men, and this is my masculine side coming out, but I'm gonna explain why. So Bedros Koulian um, he has a show called the Bedros Koulian show and it's it's a very similar vibe to like Andy Fursella, david Goggins, like they're just hardcore, and his show specifically, is straight up for men. Like when you listen to it, he is talking to men. So, if any, honestly, if you have any men in your life who need to shape the fuck up and man up and quippy and little pussies I've been loving using that word, so sorry, but if you have any of those men where you're like you could, you could toughen up a bit and, you know, be a, be a provider and uh, uh, you know just need to get a little bit more rough around the edges. Um, bedros Koulian show highly recommend. So it's straight up for men.

Speaker 1:

But a lot of times I like I enjoy listening to guys more than females, because most of the female podcast, female based podcast besides mine, just kidding um it. It's more about like tips and tricks. Like I love Mel Robbins, but another like I, I listen to it and she's just giving like here's 10 more tips, 10 more tricks to use and I'm like bitch, I don't need any more tips or tricks, it's just me procrastinating the action at this point. Most of us we know the action that we need to take and we just need to go fucking take it. We don't need more tips and tricks. And that's where I feel like the girls. A lot of times it's either tips, tricks, gossip, dumb shit. Call her daddy, I don't know. It's just not my vibe. Um, I love how dudes are straight to the point, they light a fire under your ass and they get you to take action, and that's the vibe that I really hope to carry over to my show. My podcast is less of the fucking fluff tips, tricks, tricks, gossip, shit that doesn't matter and more getting you to take the action and step into the version of yourself that you know you're fucking meant to be and you don't need more tips and tricks to do that, you need more action. And so if I can be that for you, then fuck yeah. But if you need to go to a man and listen to a man's podcast, like me, that's why we do it. So anyways, bedros, he put out an episode recently and it was called Get Jacked, make Money, find Purpose the Success Blueprint.

Speaker 1:

Now I always, as I'm listening to these men, I would say back in the day I did not take it with a grain of salt. I took it, you know, straight to the chest and took everything that they said and ran with it. Nowadays, I do take it with a grain of salt because I know that I am a female. I am a female who tends to love to get stuck in the masculine energy, and when I say that it sounds woo, woo, but I mean, when you start to research this shit bitch, if you're listening, you need to understand the difference between masculine and feminine energy, because if you don't, you're probably living a life stuck in your masculine. So that's me.

Speaker 1:

I'm an overachiever, high achiever, I'm driven, I'm type A, I love control, and that is a lot of times it resembles masculine energy and I truly believe that females that are stuck in their masculine when you, I don't know what the fuck you believe in, but I'm assuming if you're listening to me, um, you're probably not a little bitch who's gonna get all fed up and and pissed off, but I believe in there there's gender, two genders, gender roles. There's male, there's female, and we have different hormones, we have different makeups and males tend to be more masculine in nature, females tend to be more feminine in nature, and when you find a man who is either stuck in his feminine or a female who is stuck in her masculine, it is a trauma response of some sort. And I look at this as me being a masculine female who I'm an overachiever, high achiever, driven, type a I wouldn't be where I am today without that. So it's a superpower. But it's also a double-edged sword and it can fuck your entire life up if you're not conscious of it. And so I tend to attract women like me, go figure, who are high achieving, they're driven, they're type a, they're. They love to chase after careers and trophies and anything that makes them feel like they are in control and succeeding. So, essentially throughout Throughout this episode of Bedros Koulian, he, in a very blunt way, he said guys, if you were to just get jacked, make money and find purpose instead of sitting around, your life would be immensely better.

Speaker 1:

And my initial response right, my initial masculine response is like wow, that's exactly what I need. But I sat on it, thought on it for a second and I remembered okay, summer, you're a female. And this got me going down a rabbit hole of the difference between females and males, the differences that they have and the vices that they're most likely to use. And you guys, what I discovered, this is so interesting to me I don't know if this is interesting to you, I'm assuming, because we're probably the same people it's probably pretty fucking interesting to you. So here we go, let me take a drink quick, okay. So the top four vices that men commonly use and when we're talking about vices, this is these are things that men use to cope with their emotions, escape their their emotions or numb their emotions. Right, they start to feel something that's uncomfortable, whether it's worry, sadness, guilt, fear. Right, they go and they cope, escape or numb their emotions with these four things.

Speaker 1:

One alcohol and substances. So drinking to unwind, um, suppress, stress or escape emotions, meaning right, I think of, like your classic American dad, like drinking some brewskis after work to to, you know, unwind from the day, or a lot of times in shows. Oh my gosh, as we were watching Yellowstone, I'm like they rely. I mean, it's so ingrained subconsciously into our culture. Anytime a problem came up, they're pouring glasses of vodka and whiskey and chugging them right to deal with their emotions instead of right. It wouldn't be a very fun show to watch if they sat and regulated their emotions. It's way more fun to watch them pour a glass of whiskey and drink it. So alcohol and substances.

Speaker 1:

Number two most common vice that men use work and achievement. So the hustle culture, overworking or tying self-worth to productivity and success instead of the internal fulfillment. Three porn and sex. So using porn, casual sex or chasing validation through women as a distraction from deeper emotional struggles. This was one that Bedros brought up and I thought that was so interesting because he's like if you bring me someone who, a man who's addicted to porn sex, um is like chasing right these females to to just like get validation through. That's your problem. As you're chasing validation, you have low self-esteem, low self-worth, and you're trying to make up for it with these like casual flings and I'm like, wow, that makes so much fucking sense. Interesting Number four video games and entertainment.

Speaker 1:

So escaping into video games, sports streaming to avoid the discomfort or difficult emotion. So all of these, right, they're there. They give you a sense of escapism, escapism from uncomfortable emotions, from life, from the stressors of life. And uh, so, men, the the common four alcohol, substances, work, achievement, porn, sex, and then video games and entertainment. Now I did the same thing.

Speaker 1:

I'm like what are the top four vices that women use to cope, escape or numb with emotions? Number one food. Emotional eating, binge eating and using food as comfort or control. So, whether it's restricting or overindulging, right, if we're overindulging, we're using it for comfort. If we're restricting, we're using it as a sense of control, and it's often tied to a deeper self-worth and body image struggles. Number two for women over exercising, pushing the body to extremes, using workouts as punishment or chasing the perfect quote-unquote physique for external validation. It can feel really productive, quote-unquote, but it often masks emotional avoidance, meaning there's some sort of emotion that we're not processing and we're just using exercise to cope with it.

Speaker 1:

Number three social media and validation seeking, scrolling, comparing, seeking likes, comments or constantly needing reassurance from others instead of building internal confidence. And then number four wine and alcohol. So wine, mom culture, right, that's a thing I don't know. I don't drink alcohol, so this one is a little bit like above my head, but I guess that's a thing is like mommy wine culture. And then you know the the what I used to do. We can binge drinking as a way to relax, escape stress or numb feelings instead of addressing them right. I was terrified back in the day to be different and step outside of the box and I didn't want to lose all my friends, so I just continued to drink and escape those emotions.

Speaker 1:

So as I'm reading over these these, I'm like this is shockingly spot on, especially, especially the females. And then you think about females who are stuck in their masculine right. Most likely. If you're stuck in your masculine work and achievement is a huge one for you, right you're you're using that as a a vice to to escape all of the feelings that you want to feel. But aside from that, the food, the overexercising social media, validation seeking I'm like holy shit.

Speaker 1:

I've talked to hundreds of females at this point about this topic and the majority of women I talk to struggle with two main things Number one, food. Number two, their bodies. So let's get back on track. We're talking about becoming a high value woman. A truly high value woman does not have time, energy, effort to struggle with either of those things. To waste any fucking energy on food. What should I be eating? Should I have not eaten that? On their bodies? What does my body look like? Oh my gosh, or am I getting judged? A truly high value woman does not have the time, energy, effort to struggle with either of those. So what I've done is I've created a little. Are you a high value woman?

Speaker 1:

Audit so you can audit your own life. And since I know that most of you listening, you're probably driving, walking, cooking and listening so we're gonna make this easy for you. But I do really really recommend, like, pull out the notes in your phone, pull out a piece of paper and actually take notes to reflect on this, and we're gonna make it as easy as possible. So score yourself in these areas from a scale of one to 10. And what you can do, right, you can just kind of do this in your head. If, let's say, you're busy, you're walking, you're whatnot, do it in your head and keep track of your lowest scores. Or if you're going to kind of go in depth with it, I would total up at the end. Total up your score out of. You know all of these and then score it out of 120 and just see where you're sitting, right, if you're at like 40 out of 120, maybe we got some work to do. So I have 12 here. So we're going to start in the category of self-image and confidence. Self-image and confidence. So score yourself scale of one to ten.

Speaker 1:

Do you walk into a room with presence, with this badass energy, or do you shrink yourself? Do you hide yourself? Do you go to the corner, like your body language, right? Are your shoulders slumped or are they back and fucking cocked up and just ready, ready to go right? So, if shoulders slumped or are they back and fucking cocked up and just ready, ready to go right? So if you shrink yourself, give yourself a one. If you are like 10 out of 10 badass energy, badass presence give yourself a 10.

Speaker 1:

And then, anywhere in between, next up, do you speak with certainty and conviction or do you seek permission, right, when you're talking with someone, do you speak like you know what the fuck you're talking about or are you kind of timid, like tiptoeing around, not really sure if you like your beliefs right me, I day, I step in more and more and more into the anti-boob job, bbl, botox, big-ass lips culture. I, each day, with each passing fucking day and each passing fucking reel that I watch of somebody fucking up their face, I had to become more certain and even more convicted in my belief and in my in my yes, in my beliefs and in my ideas around that. And when I talk to someone, I obviously have respect for people Like I don't. If that's what you want to do with your life and you truly believe that that's going to lead you to happiness, so be it. I'm not going to sit and like, fight you and call you stupid, but I do talk with certainty and conviction the things that I believe in. You're not changing my mind. We can have an open dialogue, conversation, and I'm absolutely open to expanding my understanding and my mindset. But, right, if I go into a conversation scared puppy dog, tail between my legs, like seeking permission, like does this person believe this, do they not? Like, should I be saying that? Should I be stepping on toes? Blah, blah, blah, like, right. So if we're seeking permission, if we have that scared energy, give yourself a one out of ten. And if you speak with certainty, conviction, you fucking know what you believe in and you're not scared to say it ten out of ten or anything in between. Next up are your thoughts about yourself helping you or hurting you. Your internal dialogue this is, this is the number one thing, I swear to God, that we talk about inside, about us. Revolution I talk about with clients as your thoughts, your thoughts about yourself, lead to everything. They lead to your feelings, they lead to your beliefs. They lead to your beliefs, they lead to your actions and they lead to your results.

Speaker 1:

So are you talking shit about yourself all day long? You look in the mirror and you can't find one fucking nice thing to say about yourself. One out of ten. If you look at yourself. Even I've been on an acne journey ever since we moved to fucking Colorado. My skin is not loving the dry weather at all whatsoever, and that's kind of a journey that I've been on is even if I have a bad skin day and my face is completely broken out, how do I talk to myself? Right, it does me no fucking good to sit there and talk shit and be mean and say, oh my gosh're so not beautiful. You are such a dummy. All of those things right, and that gets much worse than that, I believe with a lot of you. So are your thoughts about yourself helping or hurting you right? If you're talking shit, one out of ten, if most of your thoughts or all of your thoughts, I don't, is that even possible? To have all of your thoughts? Yes, we're gonna say yes, it is all of your thoughts. Yes, we're going to say yes, it is All of your thoughts are beneficial. They're helping you, they're moving you forward, they're hyping you up. Then give yourself a 10 out of 10.

Speaker 1:

Okay, moving on Standards and boundaries, oof, this is one of my favorite topics. Do you let people slide who don't treat you right? Right, this could be friends, it could be family members, it could be a spouse the amount of females that I talk to, who they? They're either single or in a relationship and their spouse is avoidant and not treating them the way that they know that they're supposed to be treated, but they just kind of let it slide. They're like you know what, it's someone who likes me, we've been together and, uh, you know like it's like those reels, like we're just going to ignore the red flags. We're just going to ignore those. So, if you are a red flag, ignore or give yourself a negative 10. No, give yourself a one. If you no, yeah you, I think about myself. Uh-uh, you do one fucking thing. You have one slip up. I'll maybe give you one chance to redeem yourself, but the second that something feels off, you're out. There's millions of people out there that I can fill my life with that. I don't have to let shit slide. All right, so that one.

Speaker 1:

If you got my energy, then give yourself a 10 out of 10 and anything in between. Next up, do you say yes to things that you don't actually want to do, just to avoid discomfort? This is a big one with people pleasers, right? If you have those tendencies of well, I really don't want to do this, but I don't want to upset him or her, so I should probably just do it and go, but then I piss myself off and I lack boundaries. So right, if you are constantly packing your calendar with yes things that you want to say no, to give yourself a one out of 10. If you never constantly packing your calendar with yes things that you want to say no to give yourself a one out of ten. If you never say yes to things that you don't want to do, give yourself a ten out of ten or anything in between.

Speaker 1:

Next, do you settle for low effort, friendships, men or environments? So same thing. This is kind of similar to number one, but I would say there's a big difference with, again, people who just don't treat you right would be the first one. You let people slide who don't treat you right, and this one is low effort. Low effort, friendships, men, environments I think about this could even be like the environment that you surround yourself with, right, like I think about, oh, I think about my high school friends a lot and I love them. I still do. I have so much love in my heart for them.

Speaker 1:

Um, but that is an environment that was really low effort and like, looking back in retrospect, it was very one-sided with most of them. It was me putting in a lot of effort and back then it was more like a scarcity effort, like I don't want to be alone, I am an only child, like hang out with me, hang out with me, hang out with me, I'll drive, I'll pay, I'll do anything. Like just hang out with me. So you know we can all take fault here, but looking back, it was very low effort, it was very one-sided. It's not like they ever treated me wrong or mean necessarily. There are some points, but it was very low effort and I finally had a breaking point where I'm like I'm done here, we're not doing this.

Speaker 1:

So, yes, if you settle for low effort friendships and you just keep people in your life because you feel like, oh my gosh, even like environment could be your work, right, the freaking career that you choose, are you just choosing it because it's comfortable, because it has benefits, because it gives you a steady paycheck right, and that's totally fine. If that's actually what you want out of life, like that, I understand that. But if there's even a fucking piece of you that's like, yeah, I could do better and I want better for myself, then we need a little bit more high effort in that environment. So, if you accept low effort in friendships, men, environments, give yourself a one out of 10. If you are fucking thriving doing exactly what you want, 10 out of 10.

Speaker 1:

Discipline and habits is the next category. So your daily actions are they building the woman that you want to be or are they taking away from the woman that you want to be? This was one that I actually had to really reflect on recently. I've been openly talking about this for the past few months, where, when I go into biz mode, I start to completely disregard myself, and I refuse to do that. Moving forward, we, my priorities are completely different this time around, and my main, main priority is taking care of me. And I truly believe that when you have this priority of taking care of yourself fully, getting seven to nine hours of sleep a night, eating three to five meals a day, high protein, drink your water, take your vitamins, get out in the sunlight, get your body moving, strength train the rest of your life will fall into place. I fucking guarantee it. I guarantee it because you'll start feeling so good, so energized, that it'll flow into the other areas. So, the daily actions that you take right, are you snoozing your alarm? Are you watching three hours of Netflix at night, even though you promised yourself just one episode? Are you eating five cookies instead of the one? Like these daily, little, teeny, tiny actions. The micro choices are they building the woman that you want to be or are they taking away from it? If they're taking away from it, one out of ten. If they're completely building it, ten out of ten or anything in between? Next, do you actually follow through on your goals or do you just think about them? That's a big one. That's a big one.

Speaker 1:

I am the queen of getting people to rush into decision making, because that's the only way that we ever actually make the fucking decision right. I have one client in particular who I think I may have talked about her a few episodes ago, but she wanted to do a triathlon and I said, great, go, sign up, go do it. And right, the only way that you're ever actually going to follow through with something like a triathlon or a marathon or anything, a fucking weight loss, right, you, you have to jump the fuck in. You have to jump the fuck in. You have to dive the fuck in, not one foot in, one foot out. Let's dip the toes in the water and just like, think about it and plan for it right, and prepare for it. You will never fucking start. You will never get to the gosh dang finish line. The only way is to dive in and then follow through, right. So if you do follow through with your goals, if you have a rap sheet of just shit after shit after goals, after goals, after goals that you've achieved, amazing 10 out of 10. If you look back and you're like. I've thought about so many goals for the longest time and I've completed none of them. Give yourself a zero Next up.

Speaker 1:

Are you acting from intention or impulse? This one is so important. I think there's kind of like the last one there's, there's. It's a double-edged sword, because impulse can get you far. Impulse is what has gotten me to the place that I'm at, but I also I have ADHD. I, um, I thrive off of impulsive decisions, um, especially when I'm ovulating. Right, we can't, we, you have to know yourself, me, I cannot make impulsive decisions when I'm in my luteal phase, because every single decision that I've ever made, um, in my luteal phase, especially big life decisions, not good. So I guess that is pretty intentional. It's just like an intentional impulse.

Speaker 1:

So let's break it down, though, into, like a very specific example, the chocolate covered almonds that are sitting in the cupboard, right? Are we being very intentional about them? Or very impulsive, right? Are we just letting ourselves eat them whenever the fuck we feel like it, whenever we have the impulse to do so, at any moment? Right? If I did that, I'd be eating a fucking peanut butter cup. I'd be eating the chocolate covered almonds every hour on the hour. Or are we being intentional with it when, yes, I want to eat the chocolate covered almonds and the peanut butter cup, cup, but I'm going to be very intentional and probably save them for later in the day so that it gives me something to look forward to. It's kind of the cap on the day and um, and then it's like a set time and place that I, I get to enjoy them, which you end up enjoying them more when you have intention. So, right, right, these decisions in life, if you're being completely, like, recklessly impulsive, uh, give yourself a one out of 10. If you're being intentional or in my case I would say, intentionally impulsive, um, then give yourself a 10 out of 10 or anything in between me. This one I'd probably give myself like an eight, maybe a seven, because I do make a lot of impulses. I'm an impulse, I'm an impulsor, but we're working on it. Okay.

Speaker 1:

Emotional strength is the last category. Do you let your emotions control your actions or do you regulate them? So this is an entire phase within badass. Revolution is emotional regulation being able to master your emotions and not have your emotions mastering you. So any, I mean this comes down to anything Like your emotional reaction, right, when you instantly get pissed off or sad or that like gut-wrenching heart-dropping, like rejection, right? Do you go, based off of that emotion, based off of that rejection, based off of that sadness, go and order pizza, do you? You know you have a day where you're really fearful for an outcome. Maybe a family member is sick and you know you're filled with worry and anxiety and all of those negative based feelings. So how do we react? Right? Do we regulate them? Do we sit with ourselves and really dissect those feelings, move through them, cope with them in a healthy manner, right? Not one of the previous vices that I talked about? Instead of going straight to exercise and controlling it, straight to social media and scrolling and comparing to numb the feelings, are we actually regulating those emotions?

Speaker 1:

So, if you're not one out of ten, if you are ten out of ten or anything in between, next, do you feel worthy and deserving of your goals or do you secretly doubt yourself? This one's huge, because if we don't believe that it's meant for us, that we're deserving of it, that we can and we were sitting there doubting ourselves we will rarely ever actually make it to the finish line. Or, when you do, you won't even enjoy it, because the process is what is most enjoyable. So, if you're doubting yourself the entire process, you get to the finish line and you're like, wow, that was fucking underwhelming. So do you feel like you are worthy, you are deserving? You get to the finish line and you're like, wow, that was fucking underwhelming. So do you feel like you are worthy, you are deserving, you are capable, you are qualified to achieve your goals, or do you secretly doubt yourself? Still, if you're doubting yourself, one out of 10. If you know you're worthy, deserving, capable, 10 out of 10 or anything in between.

Speaker 1:

Last one are you addicted to validation or are you grounded in self-respect? This one is so fucking huge that so many females have no idea that they're actually motivated for external validation. Um, so I look at any, any choice that we make, um, all the way from how we do our hair, what we wear, the car we buy, the house we live in, the phone we have, it's all determined by our values and the American values, and this is probably worldly at this point. I don't think it's just our society, right? Who do we look up to most? Who's like the most followed person on social media? I think it might be like Selena Gomez. But aside from that, we got the Kardashians right. They are like top of the top. I feel like they are controlling our beauty standards, honestly.

Speaker 1:

And, uh, a lot of females, we get addicted to this validation. We want to feel validated, so we go on these fancy ass trips and we make our lives look perfect and we post them all over social media and we do the things to get the body and feel validated. And most of us we end up building these like okay, we look really good on the outside, our career is amazing, and we're that woman who carries the good on the outside. Our, our career is amazing and we're that woman and carries the weight of the world on our shoulders and we're just killing it and everybody's like commenting and liking and, oh my gosh, you're just the best. And then you pull the curtain back and you look behind closed doors and that same woman is in tears, just terrible, miserable, empty, not fulfilled, feeling like she's living this fake life.

Speaker 1:

Right, that's where being the addiction to validation comes in, versus being grounded in self-respect. There's a whole different energy between validation and self-respect. Even when you go into the gym, right, if you're seeking validation, the experience is going to be 10 times worse. Because you're there, you're hoping somebody compliments you, you're hoping somebody sees you. You maybe don't even consciously realize it, but it's like you're chasing this, this validation in yourself from others, versus this, the, the vibe of self-respect, like I'm so fucking proud of myself for being here and showing up and the results that I'm feeling and seeing are coming because of the work that I've been putting in. It's a whole different vibe. So this one, you have to be so fucking brutally honest with yourself. Like the process of me going through bikini prep and and stepping up on stage, it was like 99% validation seeking, like you have to be so brutally honest with your decisions and with your choices.

Speaker 1:

So this one, if you're, if you're seeking that validation, one out of 10, if you're grounded in self-respect, 10 out of 10. So, like I said, if you have the time, the energy, you can kind of calculate all 12 of those answers and then score it out of 120 just to see where you're sitting. I would say anybody above like a 100 is probably a hot, pretty high-ass value. Woman, right, we're there. So if you calculate that score and you're like me, I'm a bit lower. I'm a bit lower than a 120. Let's get there. I have some steps for you, don't worry. There are three very basic steps to becoming the highest value fucking woman that you possibly can. All right, and this is different than baders coolio, right, he, as he was speaking, he was speaking through a men's perspective. He's like get rich, get ripped and find purpose and then you'll be good. So I kind of took this and shook it up and and went about it from my own perspective. So three steps to becoming high value woman. The highest value woman that you possibly can.

Speaker 1:

It's that woman that walks in the room and people gravitate towards her. They're like holy shit, she has something special. She knows that she's the shit, and not in like a cocky way, but in a grounded, self-respect, self-belief way. Number one you have to build an unshakable self-image. You cannot just look the part. This is where my beef with boob jobs, botox, bbls come in, because you cannot just look the part. You are the fucking part, right. So this is regardless of how you look.

Speaker 1:

I have an example. You wake up, you're feeling bloated, your skin broke out, your hair isn't cooperating. You're like fuck this old you. Low value, that sounds kind of mean. Low value you? We'll just say not high value. I don't know what I'm saying. Whatever old you would, hide, cancel plans spiral into just absolute bitchiness, self-criticism. But the high value you? She throws on the fucking fire outfit. She stands up straight, puts her shoulders back and reminds herself that her power is not dictated by a stupid, fucking bad skin day.

Speaker 1:

You still walk into a room like you gosh dang own it, like you know what's up. This one is so important I cannot ingrain it into your head enough, because so many females are like if I just wasn't bloated, if my skin just didn't break out, if my hair was just long and thick and if I just had big lips and no wrinkles on my face, then I would feel good, then I'd be confident, then I'd walk into a room like I own it. Fucking false. If you can't find the respect for yourself when you are bloated, when your skin is shitty, when your hair is looking stupid, you'll never find that self-respect. You'll never find that self-esteem. It comes from you actually taking action. It's you walking the fucking walk. If you want more confidence in your life, go do something that is scary and that pushes you and you'll build that confidence, that real fucking confidence, so unshakable self-image, no matter what, no matter what, you still know that you can walk into a room and fucking own it.

Speaker 1:

Number two ruthless standards and boundaries, and this is with yourself and with others. So this one's kind of two-part. If we're talking about others, I have an example. This is for all of you single women, or maybe even in a relationship. A guy that you're seeing keeps leaving you on read and only hits you up when it's convenient for him. Right, old, you would maybe overthink, wait around, hope that he finally starts treating you better, like maybe if I just do X, y, z for him, then he'll, he'll start finally being nicer to me. I value you. She don't wait another second. She removes him, deletes him, blocks him from her world. Because your time as a high value woman is fucking gold and you only entertain effort that meets your standards. Period, period, period. So a self-example. Because it's not just with others, it's not just how others treat you, it's also how you treat yourself and the decisions that you make. So so I have a personal example.

Speaker 1:

I cut out caffeine about a week ago and before I had this standard built up in my head. And this idea built up in my head is like I'm not capable without a stimulant. I'm not capable without the caffeine. I think, again, we've talked about this. I think I have raging ADHD and it is actually actually true fact that people with ADHD tend to truly become addicted to caffeine because of the dopamine hit, and that's part of the reason why I'm like wow, I really, really, really, really. Uh, I really feel that in my soul. But I had this idea the standard that I was allowed right, we get what we allow and I was allowing myself to be dependent on it. And seven days ago I finally fucking set that standard like in stone that I am not allowing myself to depend on shit anymore. I don't need that to function. I don't need that to get a good workout in or to record a good podcast. I can do it without. Probably even better, I can live a better life without caffeine. Fuck that.

Speaker 1:

So for you, maybe you fear that food is making you fat. That's your standard. That is the standard that you are holding for yourself in your own head. Is the belief that food makes you fat. Decide today, right, because a high value woman she does not have the fucking time, energy, effort to worry about whether the food she's eating is making her fat or not. She already knows. She knows what fuels her body, she knows what to do. She knows that she can eat the fucking cookie and not gain 10 pounds. She knows that. So decide today that food is no longer going to have control over you. That's the new standard for your life. That is the high value woman standard. No longer are you letting some dumb shit control you, whether it's caffeine, whether it's food, whether it's guilt, whether it's not exercising or rest or whatever the fuck it is. Decide today that you no longer are living like that. And then three relentless execution, because thinking, thinking about changing will not get you results. Planning on changing will not get you results. Action will right.

Speaker 1:

So you've been maybe planning quote unquote to to fix your relationship to food. You're like yeah, I really need to get to that before you know, I want to be a mom someday and I want to have a little girl and I don't want her to have to watch me track all my calories and obsess over the food and eat different than them, than her. But but you know, now's not the time, bitch, when, when are you gonna do it? Then? Right, like again, this is where we need to be a bit impulsive and just fucking act on it. What do you need to do? Where do you need to get yourself to heal your relationship to food? What? What do you need to learn? What do you need to implement? But every time, right you're, you're planning on it, you're like god, I really, I really should do that. But every time you eat a little bit more than you had planned, you allow your mind to instantly go into oh my god, I failed, this isn't working. I guess I'll never have a healthy relationship to food. I guess I'll never be able to xyz.

Speaker 1:

High value you. You know that no progress comes from giving into those voices, beating yourself up, quitting, not starting. A high value woman knows, knows to believe in the process and to believe fully in herself to get her there. She knows, knows that she is 100% capable of getting herself to that end result and she will do anything, everything. She will spend all the money that she needs to, she will invest all the time that she needs to, she will invest all the energy that she needs to to get herself there. She is relentless and she will not stop taking action and course correcting until she fucking gets there.

Speaker 1:

And then Bedros Kulio in his. He talked about purpose and I really think purpose is so important, but I don't think purpose comes from getting a sheet of paper out and thinking like, hmm, what's my purpose? I think it comes from doing all these things. I think all of everything that I just talked about, like building unshakable self-image, creating standards, bulletproof standards and boundaries and then executing, taking action, living your life I believe that you will naturally find your purpose. You will come across it because you are living to the best of your abilities. So should we do a little recap, because we talked about a lot today?

Speaker 1:

So high value woman is a woman who deeply knows her worth, holds herself to high standards and operates from self-respect rather than seeking validation. She prioritizes growth, emotional intelligence and aligned decision making, attracting high quality relationships, opportunities and experiences. Right, most women, instead of going out and living the most badass lives that they possibly can, they're probably living at 20% of their true capabilities. Because most women they're struggling and they're not actually facing their problems head on. They're coping, escaping, numbing emotions with food, overexercising, social media, validation seeking, maybe wine, alcohol, and the top two that I notice are food and bodies. Those are the two biggest struggles when it comes to especially high achieving women.

Speaker 1:

So again, your audit. When you go to audit your life, think about self-image and confidence, boundaries and standards, discipline and habit, emotional strength. Maybe go back and listen to this episode again, I don't know. But the three steps to becoming the most high value woman that you can build unshakable self-image. It does not matter if you wake up bloated, broken I don't know, crying, you still can walk into any room like you fucking own it. Number two ruthless standards and boundaries. We are not people pleasers around here. You do not see a high value woman walking around being a people pleaser. You see her standing in her standards, standing in her boundaries, cutting people out that need to be cut out, um, really whipping her own mind into shape. And then, lastly, relentless execution.

Speaker 1:

So actually taking the action, getting yourself into rooms, into groups, into conversations, into action, like whatever that fucking is for you. I literally I talk about it. Like we can light the. You know, like the old stoves where you light, you turn the gas on and then you need the lighter to actually light it. Most females are just walking around with their gas turned on and never actually lighting. Lighting the fucking stove.

Speaker 1:

You need to find whatever that igniter is in your life, and I truly believe one of the best fucking ways to do that is to get yourself on the line, get yourself into a group that holds you accountable, a space that truly holds you accountable. There is nothing like accountability, nothing out there like it. And so if you're looking for that space, you're looking for that group. Badass Revolution is the fucking place to be, I'm telling you. It is a group filled with women who are already high value, who are becoming even more high value, who are prioritizing themselves. I just got a fucking message today from one of them and she's like wow, I started speaking nicer in my own head and my boss offered me a promotion because she noticed that I'm acting differently and responding differently. No fucking shit, that's amazing. So, again, if you're looking for a space, I'll just put the details in the caption and you can apply and join us.

Speaker 1:

So that is a wrap on this fucking episode. Even if you I don't know don't want support I don't know who doesn't, but if you don't want support, I hope that you at least bare minimum take this episode and run with it. There is so much fucking value packed in here and I know that you're capable of so much more than you even put out, than you even realize, and it's time that you wake the fuck up and start realizing it. So take this episode, do the life audit, figure out the next steps to living the best fucking life that you can, because you deserve it. So that's a wrap on this episode. Love you, we'll talk next week.