Why We’re Addicted to Emotionally Driven Decisions – And How to Break Free

Ep 94. In today’s world of constant social media immersion and emotionally charged commentary, we are bombarded daily with messages designed to shape our opinions, often based on emotions that are carefully crafted to market products to us. These emotional triggers form an invisible bond with consumerism, leading us to believe we need products to fulfill emotional cravings.

We tend to form beliefs quickly, often relying on assumptions rather than engaging in deep, logical thinking. This mental shortcut keeps us from critically analyzing our environment and making mindful decisions. We chase dopamine-driven experiences that deliver short-term emotional rewards, but in the process, we disconnect from the richness of real, present experiences.

This behavior mimics the patterns of addiction—constantly seeking that next emotional high without fully understanding its impact. In our search for fleeting feelings, we overlook deeper, more fulfilling experiences and miss opportunities for true connection.

What’s even darker is how this cycle affects our social relationships. The drive for emotional validation can lead us to unintentionally distance ourselves from others, mirroring the social dynamics of early human tribes where acceptance within a group was essential for survival. We risk isolating ourselves in our pursuit of belonging and approval.

In our modern world, the need for acceptance and emotional connection is just as powerful as it was in ancient times. It's time to pause, reflect, and make more conscious choices. Let’s reconnect with what truly matters—deep thinking, meaningful experiences, and compassionate relationships. Think deeply about what drives your actions. Take care and walk well. 

Transcript

Welcome back folks to episode 94 of the Running Man Self-Regulation Skills Project Podcast with me, your host, Dr. Armando Dominguez, PhD in Health Psychology, licensed professional counselor and an adjunct professor at a local community college. So what we're going to be discussing today on this lovely Sunday morning, overcast,

gorgeous, kind of cool, went out to the park today and had some thoughts on what it is that we're going to cover today. And the first thing that came to mind was belief, belief and feelings. And what I want to point out in particular today is the fact that often feelings precede the development of belief. And on the heels of what we talked about in the last podcast, having to do with mob mentality and group think also as individuals, much of what we believe tends to be influenced

and primed before we actually consciously decide to move in one direction or the other. But the theme for today is going to be feelings precede belief or does belief precede feeling? So what I'd like to point out is that I was listening to a podcast and Jordan Peterson was actually interviewing Tony Robbins and they were trying to find some common ground in how they both help people.

create change in their life for the better. And they were discussing how Tony Robbins actually allowed himself and his methodology to be scientifically tested because the levels of reported depression going away and people stopping having to take medications, SSRIs that generally speaking are considered not very effective. And what they pointed out was that often whenever Tony Robbins programs are attended,

that people are experiencing a loss or a stoppage of symptomology that is considered depression. And that's a very important thing. Now, the theme of what we're talking about today is feelings preceding belief and belief preceding feelings. And that is a syllogism that actually is the question that if we scientifically look at things, you would be doing one hypothetical.

armando (02:42.293)
This is the research hypothesis. Yes, I think that this works and then the other is going to be the null hypothesis. No, it doesn't work. And it's pretty cut and dry. But whenever we look at things in our own lives, often we tend to go at things based on experience that's going to be considered anecdotal within the scientific community and often it's not given a lot of weight or value. But the of the matter is it's incredibly valuable and we can't negate it because enough people

that report change or something that if we were to quantify them and measure them all together, we would be able to get results. whenever we're looking at belief, often we hear about some wonderful things that occur as a result of belief, such as spontaneous healings. This is something that's replete within the medical literature, not only the psychiatric, but the medical journals for cancer and other illnesses in particular, where there's complete remission or

So to speak and I say that in quotes because supposedly cure doesn't exist within the minds or even the mouths of those doctors that treat us with Western medical pharmacology and the biological and physiological tools that they use this does not in any way take the power of Healing and all the good that they've done away But it's making a very distinct point that even the doctors know that there are limitations to the wonders of what it is that is modern medical

technology, methodology, and pharmacology. And so for the purposes of today's discussion, what we're going to look at is, well, what is feeling that we experience? Not necessarily the emotional responses that we get as a result of whenever we're scared or frightened, terrified, or particularly joyful as a result of maybe having eaten or maybe being frightened. I didn't expect that a surprise, this sort of thing, but rather the feelings that we get in our body.

more so than the emotions that become thoughts and beliefs over time that become our opinions of things and our expectations and predictions of things over time. But the feelings that I'm talking about are the ones that we generate that we use to prime the way we look at things. So if we're priming something, that means we're somehow cued, if we want to use that term, synonymously with prime. And that will either bring us up or prepare us for

armando (05:07.91)
whatever it is that we're trying to do. And sometimes whenever somebody mentions such as maybe, hey, I was talking about my mom to somebody and all of we start having thoughts of our own mom. And it isn't that we're trying to one up somebody, but often we tend to mirror behaviorally, socially, what it is that goes on in a communication. And often that would guide us and drive us. It doesn't mean that we have no free will per se.

And that is a discussion for another podcast altogether. But the fact is that we are driven and shaped by the pressures in our environment. And we will flesh that out with our own narrative, with our own story, with our own facts, details and experiences. So it is not a free will thing, but it is something that is not only self generative in the sense that it is what I would call survival orientation. is something that will.

causes to paint ourselves in a better light or at least show us to be in concert with somebody where we may be similar enough that our survival capabilities if we were K people long time ago and we were wanting to belong to a tribe or we belong to a tribe and don't want to be ousted, it probably helps us to be wearing the same football jersey of K people had, football jersey so to speak. I think you get the idea, but part of it is not only do we look like those that we're around, but do we act like those we're around.

And do we believe like those who are around? we speak the words that others are around us or speaking? And this sounds almost cultish, does it not? And this is a very rhetorical question. The question is, you know, what are the placebos that I follow and also what are the cults that I might follow that are necessarily more healthy than we those family traditions, mores and folkways, and even morals and ethics, so to speak, within a profession. And we have to follow them with a great deal of

let's say accuracy and specificity and if we get really good at it then we're at a behavioral level wherever it's no longer at the propositional how I can speak about it level but one in the performance level and one where we execute if we become particularly skilled at it and we may have to develop some belief behind it in the sense of emotional intensity that becomes compelling to those that would be watching us so we're putting on the camouflage

armando (07:32.687)
the in quotes fake it before you make it thing or fake it till you make it and let's hope that you make it because your fakes not good enough your makes not gonna happen and that is a very Musashi-esque perspective if you've been following me for a while the book of five rings talks about seeing through the social veneer cutting through the crap and that is not just a social behavioral mindset but is actually a very physiological perceptual

Experience where you can tell if somebody's more genuine or not. And this is where we start getting into what modern Psychology and science has been looking at as far as like micro expressions and I don't call it crap because it is helpful but wherever we start reading behaviors and we start basically accumulating a behavioral catalog to interact with people with so we become more accurate at reading so to speak and predicting

and then getting the expected result and maybe even being the environment that shapes the response and someone else not unlike a salesperson that wants to encourage you to buy those really expensive headphones or that all leather sofa set that I didn't want to buy because it was too expensive but all of sudden, wow, I've got pie in the sky and I've got a new set of sofas in my so-called home. So something to think about. Now, back to the feeling, proceeding belief and the question of, well, does it?

versus does the belief proceed feeling and even though it is kind of a hypothetical of No, or actual hypothesis is it true? We have to look at it as a possibility on either side because there are some times wherever our beliefs will color our Experience and therefore we start having feelings as a result because of the belief quality There are many that believe without seeing or believe based on what they hear

and their body responds in a fashion because it's compelling and it only makes sense. But if you have a sense of feeling that tells you that something is correct and it's particularly intense, I've talked to many clinically, I've talked to many that have been friends and peers that have repeated things based on how they felt, not whether or not they had the facts. And they're running around excited, having this adrenal reaction where they're literally just jumping up and down.

armando (09:58.118)
all happy because of this and they're allowing themselves to run off the rails or ride the road. So can feeling precede belief and shape belief? Yes. Now is that belief accurate? This is what we start looking at logical fallacy where it makes sense, but then my senses are driving what it is that I'm making as fact, as reason, as logic. And I tend to start seeking.

by confirmation bias, those things that support how I'm looking at things. So does that make what I'm believing less accurate? Well, it can. Doesn't in all cases, it's not an absolute, but this is an idea that is helpful to use as a filter, as a stick of measure to determine whether or not something has veracity, that this is truth, or is it something I can trust in the sense that if I used it tomorrow, is it going to work tomorrow? Is it just something that works?

in this instant assuming it worked at all or am I just believing it does and hoping it does when I put it to work in the future? So if we're looking at things we have to calibrate so that way we don't get fooled by somebody that may be fooling people unknowing. Some people are very good-hearted and don't know but they get carried away in their emotions and they start shaping behaviors in other people by virtue of the intensity of how they respond more correctly start reacting because

They're not responding mindfully, they're reacting physiologically and assuming it's real because their body says it's so. And this is probably a more positive version in the farther end of the spectrum of what PTSD experiencers have. Wherever their feelings take off based on a perception that was triggered in their environment that may not have been particularly threatening, but may have been similar enough or close enough or sudden or abrupt enough that...

or even for that matter something that is just so out of the ordinary that one goes into a long reaction especially if it presents incredibly quickly faster than 160 milliseconds to 100 milliseconds so everything by default is considered a threat or an enemy so it's the furthest into this spectrum so versus a sudden onset negative this is one wherever there's a belief expectation oh that's wonderful

armando (12:15.236)
And therefore it must be true because my emotions are so high or maybe somebody else presented with high emotions and they got carried away in the emotions because we are social creatures. Emotional, yes. Mirroring, absolutely. We learn vicariously largely what it is that we learn as far as becoming human and becoming social creatures, part of a pod or a tribe or a village or family for that matter. We watch and we learn.

And then we assume many things and we get it wrong. Vicarious learning isn't perfection and accuracy all rolled into one. What it is, is a system of picking up the external aspect of the behavior. And we figure out the internals or somebody clues us in as to why or the what's in the why nots of the behavior sometimes if we get lucky. We may have somebody educate us as we go. Or we may learn it by heart knocks and figure out, this works here, but it doesn't work then. So.

It's effective, but not that effective. So we come to conclusions over time based on experience. But vicarious learning is one of watching. It is a way of seeing and Albert Bandura did a lot of studies in this area of vicarious learning and he is largely associated with that. He did a lot of other wonderful studies as well, but these are the ones that stick out the most because we live in a relatively vicarious society. So we're vicariously living. What are we doing? We're watching.

we're seeing and what is it that we do with social media when we watch and we see and what is it that we hear? Can we learn vicariously by listening? If the descriptions are really good, yes. Can we learn vicariously from other people's experiences? This is what people talk about philosophically and this is the propositional level of capacity that we have where we can speak about things and with authority, without authority, it doesn't matter. But if we learn the lesson within the code,

within the verbage, then we don't need the body language necessarily. The tonals maybe. I would say the tonals probably, since 43 % of any message that we get, if it is involved with any kind of verbage, tonals provide 43 % of the influence, but if we don't have the body language, then it's more than that. So it morphs in the sense that we get more influence from the tonal and therefore the capacity to believe and understand the 7 % of the message that is the code.

armando (14:40.797)
body language gets erased almost completely from that influence. So does belief ever precede feeling? Yes. In the inverse it can. And if we tend to believe something, whether it be based on experience or facts, we tend to have a sense of confidence or knowledge about things. And we tend to be less apt to fall for the charlatan, less apt to fall to those things that are opinion. And we tend to be less apt to respond to those things that are

Emotionally laden and intense and we tend to be able to respond mindfully and determine whether or not something is actually factual So I'm making it sound almost like it's superior and I would say it is not superior But there's an equivalence there It depends on where you enter the stream relative to belief and feeling or feeling or belief proceeding one or the other It depends and it always depends because we never can really control our environment

out and about unless you're in a very controlled environment such as going to a seminar or going to a teaching environment where you will be getting things that will fill in the gaps that otherwise if we buy experience figure stuff out, we may get those understandings. Now both of these, both of them are equivalent to the degree that they have feeling involved and they have also a belief involved. Well, which one is stronger one could ask. Well, that all depends.

You can have a very strong belief and a great degree of confidence. You can have a weak belief and a marginal level of confidence, but that would also determine whether or not you'll have an intense level of feeling to support that belief. And if you have a very strong feeling that can create the belief that is where we start moving towards the idea of logical fallacy. We start making sense of things and seeking things to support often what it is that may be our bias, whether or not it's correct or factual.

but we try to find those things and support that. And we do the same with the other. So, all of this to say that belief builds feeling. This being the case, this is where we start diverging into the social impact. So, what kind of beliefs will create impact in an environment for other people? This would be in the realm of what we call gossip or talking about other people, and that can be negative or positive. We can bring somebody up and get people to follow someone, or we become enamored of somebody.

armando (17:00.607)
or the exact opposite, who can totally wreck somebody's survivability and they're kicked out of the tribe. They become the baloney sandwich. The next thing we know, we have one less person out there hunting, but yeah, we didn't want them around anyway. So we have some very powerful influence that often we have to pay attention to. Reputation is one of those things that whenever we think about reputation, we think about what somebody has done and we have a remembrance of what they're known for.

but it can also be a very negative thing versus accomplishment. could be also those things that are derogations and detriments to how we see or believe somebody to be and those feelings that come along with things such as disgust, which disgust is a reflex, might you not, unlike laughing and like your blink reflex. And whenever we associate things with certain disgusting benefits, let's say a person doing a certain disgusting thing, like maybe slinging feces,

And then all of a sudden, oh no, we're too much above that. We can't do that. We can't have that around us. Or maybe even realize that this person steals food or maybe they go and somehow foul the water that we drink from. Then we have to think about what's beneficial for the team or the tribe or the group, however it is. And sometimes it is by a citizen's rebellion that

we start deciding to group together against someone and we not only share the facial affect of disgust and the ooh and I wouldn't like that or I start talking badly about somebody and then when people get emotional about it we tend to band together and assume by primacy, by popularity of idea or ideal for that matter then we start making judgments and we can shut people out and separate them and then create

negative environmental changes for them. So what we point out here is what mirror neurons do for us in that we become and look like or act like the social camouflage so to speak to a really good at and don't have to think and think about it. We become unconsciously compensated after a certain bit of time, but even though we may be consciously

armando (19:15.318)
incompetent so to speak, but I'm aware of what it is I need to do to increase my survivability and acceptance in the tribe, then I will do those things that I get very skilled at it. Now, this is the dark side of what it is that we've been talking about belief preceding feelings and the feelings preceding beliefs that generate a belief, mind you, and we're affecting the reputation of somebody, but what we have to realize that reputation also is an influence from the outside environment to us in that

We may want to emulate things. Think about those that have great celebrity that we want to emulate. Those people that are very healthy, are on YouTube, are health influencers that we want to become like, or we want to gain results like them because we want to feel better about ourselves. Now, in the darker sense, whenever we have the idea of the social copier, this is what we are. We are social copiers. We're vicarious learners. We're vicarious doers of what we see.

that we find value in that somehow in our mind will elevate our social status, our social market value, our sexual market value. And those two terms are not necessarily interchangeable, but it depends on the paradigm, but they're all very closely tied. Now, what we have to look at is that we gain value and acceptance by doing certain things or dressing a certain way, not unlike those people that like wearing really high-end clothes. Tommy Holfiger also like...

the cost and all these things, Nike, there are emblems that we associate with value and higher social order and acceptance as well, but also a distance and a difference in which we deviate from those things that we consider less than or not quite so, or somehow undeserving if we really want to take it to the more ethical level. But those things are assumed many times. Now, the important thing is too, is that often this

influence can affect us negatively and that we see copycat suicide. We see a very well-known celebrity struggling and people so associate with them and that they love and get so enamored of them that they will do those things that these people do without question, somehow wanting to emulate and become that greatness or assume that greatness that comes along with it, not realizing that it's the dysfunction that we're seeing of the human and not the greatness that got them there that may have been.

armando (21:38.852)
talent born and also financially born and back based on someone else's vision and they just happen to fit the bill and they happen to be the tool to get them the money from the investor side and these people we see the fall and the destruction of the human being under great deals of stress. We have seen many not unlike Britney Spears, we have seen many that run from Hollywood and never return and then later come up and talk about the negatives such as Kevin Sorbonne.

and others that were particularly Christian but weren't accepted and therefore wouldn't do certain things. Some people that would not want to do any roles that involved war and address that were men in particular. And there were definitely people that struck out against that and stuck to the principles and they were chastised as result. So the group that they were wanting to be a part of basically shunned them because they would not put on the camouflage or do as they were asked or expected. And that's a very powerful influence.

And people die as result because they lose everything, can lose everything, and the guilt and shame of having people know the things that shouldn't be known because they bowed at one point and then they get tired of it and want to get out of it, then they're dangling the truth over their head and that becomes terrible. It becomes a slandering of the ego, the idea that they believed that they were so wonderful and they were built up and told they were so great and now that rug is getting pulled out from under them.

and they're going to be shattered and they're going to be lowered to the lowest level of human and not realizing many people that watch these folks that they get humbled and they're human. They lose that sense of human because of the celebrity distance, our heroes, end quotes, and our heroines, and those people that we think are just the greatest thing since Liespirit. And we become enamored of them. We also become dangerously associated to them whenever...

we start having those feelings that they are reporting that they want to rehab, had suicide attempts, this sort of stuff. And then this tragedy becomes part of this glorious narrative that becomes this wonder that people think that, I must go through these things to experience this or that or them or those things of them that give them this wonder and greatness that they have become enamored of. We realize, and this is something that one of my...

armando (23:58.408)
favorite authors of the late Dr. Glenn Morris mentioned in his book Path Notes, an American Ninja Master that often we have our heroes but what we realize by getting close to them and knowing them that they're a lot smaller in person that we tend to look at them in our mind not unlike whenever we're hungry and our eyes are bigger than our stomach and we tend to get more food on our plate than we want to eat or can eat and not unlike that we consume our heroes, our icons.

And we tend to exaggerate and pedestalize them in a sense that they become almost untouchable. Before we touch them, we realize they really just made of flesh and blood like we are. And we get greatly disappointed and let down. And we feel like somebody's hurt us because we've exaggerated those feelings and beliefs so highly that we realize that we're really just kind of grounded in this human experience. And we get disappointed because it's not more and there isn't more. It's just been an illusion, a fallacy, and we've been sold.

a false or faulty bill of goods and we swallow it like line and sinker. Nobody wants to be wrong. Nobody wants to be the fool. And the fact of the matter is when we're teenagers, when we're younger, when we're children, and when we're older, we're all apt to and can be disillusioned whenever reality hit, but we can also be trapped by an illusion, by our own devices, not someone else. And then there are those.

that are predators and manipulators that do trap us with speak that is wonderful and emotional and gets us to believe. And we start having the logical fallacy problem come into play. And then we're hooked, trapped, and pursuing the cult, so to speak. And sometimes we have our own cults that we developed and nobody nefariously puts us into some commune wherever we're selling flowers on the corner in LA or something like this, even though those things happen.

We do this to ourselves sometimes because we want and we desire for more and better. And that is part of our hedonic response. But whenever we buy into the ego protection and realize that it's not our ego or our image or self, but rather a human self, our actual being that we're wanting to preserve, we think about things that somehow the picture, the mental picture, what we have is more real than the body and what it experiences. Sometimes we want to experience, escape this pain.

armando (26:22.066)
that we experience in our bodies such that we want to commit suicide or do things that are risky that will take us out without it being by my hand. And the fact of the matter is somebody that's tossed into the water, unknowing, even though they may be espousing, I want to die, their body goes into override, our natural tendency to survive or survival drive turns on. So often we realize that it's really our belief that drives us to think that what we believe is not only correct, but true.

and we don't have any answer for any of other questions like, well, show me evidence for the counter. Why do I need to live? Why do I want to stay here? Where in actuality, we have believed ourselves into a corner, so to speak, and we don't want to hear anything countered because we don't want to be wrong. And sometimes that's the trap, the fatal trap often that leads people into no longer being here with us. So this was a long way getting to the dark side of belief.

and feeling and the reasoning is not only correct but it's backed by science. know this and we have to look at ourselves and have compassion and patience because this is a difficult thing and I want to tell you thank you for listening this Sunday morning going into the early afternoon. I appreciate your time and your listenership and please share this podcast with people. I didn't want to make this song group but I wanted to make it educational and helpful. So please if you know anyone

that might be able to benefit from this podcast. Please share it, like, subscribe and share on YouTube, on Spotify, Amazon Music and iHeartRadio as well. And if you know anybody that is hearing impaired, let them know that there are transcripts on iTunes with this podcast as well. And there are now transcripts on YouTube with timestamps. I looked at the timestamps, they're kind of wonky because I don't speak in a very formalized sense and this is pretty free flow.

And I want to tell you one thing. I hope you have a great day. Thank you for making mine better and walk well.