Survival, Safety, and Transformation: The Unseen Forces Shaping Your Life Story

Ep 101. The influence of environment—both our internal personal environment and the external world—significantly shapes and conditions who we become over a lifetime. Sometimes, this impact can be sudden, life-threatening, and even transformative. In the narrative of our lives, we often align ourselves with the charisma, talents, and strengths of a superhero, or the guidance of a personal mentor or athlete hero. Alternatively, we might align with the power that a villain appears to hold, feeling their influence as they avenge the wrongs, pain, and injuries we’ve faced throughout our lives.

Our best efforts at survival, getting our basic needs met, and preventing further pain can create powerful responses within us—reactions programmed by years of neglect, trauma, or the need to gain attention from others. Whether from neglectful parents or societal structures, these deep-rooted instincts and knee-jerk behaviors emerge to keep us safe and to ensure our survival. These behaviors are often seen as self-preservation mechanisms designed to get the essential needs for safety, security, comfort, food, and water.

The human desire for comfort, warmth, and stability drives us, but often, it feels like we have little control over our lives, much less our life trajectory. The struggle for betterment is real, and yet it can seem nearly impossible to break free from patterns of survival instincts and self-protection mechanisms. It’s a daily battle for those who struggle to make it through, fighting to thrive, not just survive.

To those struggling with the weight of life, we offer compassion. May we all walk this journey with care, strength, and understanding. Take care, and walk well.

Transcript

Welcome back folks to episode 101 of the Running Man Self-Regulation Skills Project Podcast with me, your host, Dr. Armando Dominguez, PhD in Health Psychology, licensed professional counselor and an adjunct professor at a local community college. And what we're going to be discussing today is going to be about character heroes, villains, and am I a caricature of myself is the question we'll be answering.

based on those things that shape us into the personalities that we see and experience as an individual, but also get into what character is as far as traits, as a constellation of traits that we recognize in a person and in ourselves, and how those are shaped and what might be the result of environmental pressure that calls us to become who it is that we become. To kick off this discussion this early Sunday afternoon,

nice and sunny here in West Texas, I'm going to start with an idea. The historian, Will Durant, supposedly spent about 40 years studying the history of the world and the book, The Story of Civilization, was what he came out with. But some of the things that he concluded, once we look at the summary of this whole study of his, was the fact that we, as human beings, are shaped

a greater or lesser extent by demanding situations, we become greater by the demand that our situations won, but also our environments put on us that shape us into the people that we essentially as an outcome embody or characterize, so to speak. We want to look at it as an in quotes role. Strangely, this might be uncomfortable to hear for some that wrestle with the ideals regarding being shaped by environment, meaning

nature versus nurture And this is the nurture meaning the outside force is shape what it is that we become because By necessity we have a comfort level one direction or another based on how we're brought up The fact of the matter is it's really a very nuanced balancer that shapes us, but it's still not easy to hear especially whenever we as individuals we tend to watch TV and movies and we tend to highlight the talents and

armando (02:53.091)
extreme charisma and giftedness of our heroes and wonder whether or not, know, what's that taught? Can I become that? Or is it something that's endogenous hiding somewhere within my genetic code that I just need to press just right. And then all of a sudden I start becoming or growing in those directions that I esteem and want to become like, especially like a hero, like in star wars, the Jedi and, and the Mandalorians,

Ethic in the movie that just recently came out and becoming quite the hero and also having this ethic that Oversees the the development of how the character becomes who it is that he becomes throughout the challenge and we like the idea of the hero's journey and I personally do and that is something I lean towards being a martial artist and training for protection of self and others and there is definitely a moral and ethic involved with that, but whenever we're seeking

overcome those things that would be stresses or circumstances in our lives, we have to wonder what is the drives, the desire to become those things. If we were for instance bullied or traumatized, and yes I am taking the average to the extreme circumstances here, those shape us and they will determine how it is that we develop one what we call our character. And the character is once again the constellation of traits that are very consistent

that we can recognize and say, yes, this is so-and-so, happy-go-lucky, stressed and anxious person, this sort of thing. And those are just examples, not derogating either, but just making a point a little finer for this discussion. But we tend to look at, even within the confines of this discussion, the possibility of free will. And I know that I love to read Dr. Sapolsky's work and also listen to him lecture.

But he very distinctly says, and he is very, very granular to the point of the cellular structures driving those things that we do not consciously control. I'm in agreement with that such that, you know, everything that is a result at the very end at the outcome level, our behavior, our physical measurable, someone else can see is doing this behavior is a result of everything it drives from the microcellular to the macro structural in the skeletal structural and brain behavior type stuff.

armando (05:18.245)
and that somehow we are not involved consciously. We're just along for the ride, so to speak. And not so much reflective of the ghost of the machine in the machine, rather like Descartes and his error thinking that, you know, somehow we're separate, but still reflective of self-awareness and a sensorium that we do have some control over, conscious control like blink rate. We can change that even though it's autonomic and breathing as well.

But also even with practice, you know changing our body temperature and this sort of thing and that starts getting into Supernormal to superhuman capacities and there are those things but when we're looking at becoming the hero those ideas they tend to be very reflective of who it is that we aspire to be or who it is that we Were basically shunted and and directed into becoming depending on the pressure

of our environment external and also the models that we emulated vicariously and also those pressures internally are our general genetic inheritance and how they made us feel as we went along or how capable we were of learning and emulating for instance behaviors. So these are some forces to keep in line whenever we're thinking about the idea of hero, villain and

that characteristic in quotes that I just mentioned earlier, the caricature of myself, that isn't meant to be a derogation in term or a lessening of an individual or my judgment of people that struggle. Not at all. This is anything just a narrative, a story told to get the point across a little better and to make a very distinct example of those things that are differences that we have to note that aren't always so easily seen as I'm going to separate them.

they're a little more subtle and there's always interplay and there's always going to be a little bleed through from one categorization to the next. Things are rarely perfect and if they are, they're absolute and I don't believe that absolute exists in the truest sense, but variations and gradations of things that fall within spaces that look rather solid and continuous and we tend to fall into the illusion of believing the absolute. I've done that.

armando (07:35.986)
I'm certainly learning how to grow out of that. So here's the next part what Durant was also talking about Is really important here he was actually arguing against what Carlisle said about the human condition and In quotes, I'm reading this from a book in particular and it says I think Carlisle was wrong and Durant's response was in quotes. The hero is a product of a situation

rather than the result being a product of the hero. That means the hero doesn't precede the action in all cases. And this is arguable because you can do heroic things after you've achieved that heroism or that state, so to speak, or trait more likely if that is a character. Now something that's continuous and doesn't just come and go like we breathe, but rather it is demand that brings out the exceptional qualities of man, in quotes heroes from the function of meeting a situation which demands

all his potential abilities. I think the ability of the average man or woman for this matter could be doubled if it were demanded, if the situation demanded. This also kind of tells us, wow, how amazing the human body and that it's amazing what we can get used to. And this isn't always a positive descriptor of what we're able to get used to because the ability to survive something that's particularly traumatic.

And not thrive necessarily, but you're making it you're living through it You're somehow getting there and you're some would say that's mere existence I would say it's not at that level necessarily, but it certainly can be pretty darn close What is just a matter of breathing and eating and there have been those that we hear and read about that have made it through horrendous things And the important thing here is to recognize that we're moving into the area of character

Once again, the constellation of traits that we would call myself or someone else that I know, but not necessarily saying that those traits are them. That is not their individual whole magnitude of their valuable selves, but rather those are the behaviors that I note that I would say are constants that I see when I interact with this person. So the character of myself would be those things that are most stable.

armando (09:55.25)
behaviors, emotions, responses, and reactions. Now we talked about the heroes and the villains and if Durant's ideas hold true, that means that the demands put on us may shape how it is we respond, especially if we're continuously chronically in situations that are stressful, uncomfortable, painful, frightening. And what about if they're generative? What if they're in enriched environments? Where we see kiddos that become

rather masterful at let's say piano playing gymnastics playing cello or mathematics those things that are enriched and if they just have to have the Proclivity that that propensity to develop and learn those things then boom we have Gas and we've got fire and we're cooking now and that's a powerful combination We don't always know what it is and as a parent and in parenting generally speaking We want our offspring to do well and at the very least better than what we have done

Moving them forward and we want them to survive into adulthood, of course But at the same time we want them to do well and we want to see them do well and in a very interesting sense parents want to vicariously Live through their kiddos not to the point where they don't live their own lives That would be unhealthy but in a sense that they enjoy some of that Glorified work that they've done to where they are enjoying what they do and they're enjoying success Those are okay things to have it's healthy

just as long as it doesn't squash the child or the individual to where they feel like they're living for their parents instead. That's not okay. But the reason I'm mentioning this is that these are the type of things that we have mentors. We have a model, a parent, parents, uncles, teachers. Sometimes we hear of kiddos going back and saying thanks after they've achieved their success and saying this person put me on the path or they gave me the right model example and encouragement, those important things.

Now, what about the hero and the villain? We can say, and this isn't right as in morally right, but rather just the correct amount or just the needed amount to set somebody in motion in the direction of heroism or villainy. Well, those would be what we would call a match made not necessarily in heaven, but in opportunity. And often there are those that will capitalize on that. Some find strength in walking in those ways.

armando (12:22.782)
Some have to become strong. Some have to become dangerous to be able to survive in situations. And there are many that their minds are changed because they were involved in very negative things at a very young age that it's hard for them to interact socially without stressing or if they stress in a regular social situation, that is a low intensity, that is non-threatening in the sense that their body feels dangerous. But if it's for instance, or uncorrected,

Comfortable because it's new and the unknown then stressors can come up as if it's a threat depending on how quick it is and Whatever emotional load is there and prior? training prior experiences prior conditioning can actually Create a very uncomfortable situation. Even if you're going to visit somebody and go to a birthday party many people Might be there that might be the crowds that make people uncomfortable. Maybe the noise it may be thinking about

I'm going to see somebody I don't like, or that somebody that made me mad. And I feel that sense of, can't control myself. Mind you, this podcast is called self-regulation skills project. Often we feel that inability to self-regulate it or that fear of, can't self-regulate my feelings or my behaviors. Because sometimes we believe what it is we're thinking and what we think tends to be hyperbolic often, because that's an exaggeration that wants to encourage our body.

or rather it's made to encourage our body to over respond to make sure that we make it this time and that we don't get hurt or get taken advantage of. So therefore we come in guns of blazing, so to speak. Now, when it comes to social situations that aren't dangerous, but yet they're new or social situations where one starts feeling anxious and often with this anxiety, we have that sense of self judgment, that sense of, feel dumb.

That sense of insecurity. I don't know. I don't, I'm not smart enough. not good enough. I'm not good looking enough. I don't big enough, not wealthy enough, or I don't know enough wrong. I'm to stumble on my words. I'm going to look like a fool. Notice that everything that I'm repeating is very ego oriented, very eye oriented, but it's also tied to stress. That is very self protection oriented. The last two podcasts, episode 99 and 100 talked about the four F's and we spoke about procrastination and hesitation and also

armando (14:47.76)
They're reflective of the the drives of survival and when we start talking about this narrative I'm in a stressful situation even though it's not threatening to me physically, but I respond to it as if it's threatening What's it threatening if your body is technically safe? Nobody's trying to harm you you're feeling like the bologna sandwich and you believe yourself to be the bologna sandwich and you start thinking you're Tasty and everything out there looks like a tiger that's ready to eat me Then I'm going to feel very vulnerable very uncomfortable to say the least

But also I may be more apt to make mistakes. I may be more jittery and I start saying things like, and this is end quotes, things that I've actually heard clinically and also out and about with people. I don't like being in crowds. I don't like going to parties. There's too many things happening. Things are too fast. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't want to see people. don't like, then I start feeling like the walls are closing around me. start getting fidgety or twitchy and I start looking sketchy and nervous and people know everyone's looking at me, even though

Often we hear people don't care. Nobody cares what you're doing. And what if there is somebody that is looking at you? Well, that just made it worse. Just by chance. Somebody did look at you. they're looking at me. Everyone's looking at me and it becomes an exaggeration to an absolute level of everybody, everything all the time, everyone. And I never do well in these situations. can never improve myself. I'm always like this. I'm never like that. And the adjudications and the insecurities get exaggerated.

Once again, it becomes a survival level event as far as the feel of it, even though it's not a dangerous event to you other than if you have some sort of medical condition that you're trying to grind through and you're white knuckling through it because you're now caught in the catch-22 that social situation level stuff not threatening to your body but rather threatening to your ego, wherever you're just grinding through it and eating it and not saying anything and you're sweating and you're feeling your heart rate going up.

Breathing changing anxiety and physical muscular tension It is a terribly uncomfortable space to be based on what we believe things to be like even though they may not be that way and We tend to believe what we think very quickly and we tend to visual in the visual mind Visualize what it is that is expected and we tend to paint the picture a narrative That's not true about a future that hasn't happened that I very much could shape

armando (17:09.642)
to a degree as to how I respond or whether or I respond and that's very pressuresome. why is this really important?

If somebody is in a situation that is very dangerous to them, such as an abusive situation, growing up in an abusive, abusive or alcoholic home or drug laden home for that matter, wherever parents were inconsistent, maybe violent. And not only that could be happy one day and sad the next or even painful or angry at you as a little one. Then all you can do is try to do those things that encourage them to give you what you need. Food, water, shelter, no hitting, no hurting this sort of stuff.

And making sure that you get what you want may include putting on a false role put on the mask not of the marketplace But of the survival in the home and this is what we start seeing disordered personality traits occurring over time Wherever somebody shows up and then all of a sudden it's like somebody flips a switch and the role is on it's like they put on the mask or one moment like this and the next moment they're like Who are you? This is different or you become the life of the party. You become the clown

You become the party favor. You start becoming the hero. You're the one that's going to be the black sheep of the family. And we start taking on these behaviors and say things where it seems like a sub personality. When the behaviors come up, where we start acting in a way that scripted almost. And this is where Sapolsky's work really comes in, where it looks like we don't have free will and that we're subject to the reactivity to our environment that is beyond our conscious control.

And I agree to a degree, but not absolutely 100 % because that can be changed. We can choose differently in a situation. It's harder whenever the amygdala and the limbic regions, the emotional areas of our body start taking off based on historical discomfort, just because it's similar or, or may sound like something I've experienced before. We tend to respond like it's happening again, just to make sure it doesn't happen again, especially if it was painful.

armando (19:18.408)
So whenever we start responding this way, this is what we start seeing personality traits that aren't necessarily traits in the truest sense of character, but rather they're part of a smaller constellation of sub character that we call our, our disordered personality behaviors and speak and thought patterns that tend to go together and they tend to resemble like a constellation of human sub human. also it can be

Misinterpreted as multiple personality disorder. It's not that that is something that's so exceedingly rare that there's really no point in talking about that but fact of the matter many people think that they have different personalities because their reactions to the environment is so severe and so intense that It's so real they can feel it in the body. It must be real even though maybe there's no fact as to what's driving that but rather the factual aspect is that they're actually Reacting as if it's a life

threatening event versus it being an actual event, they're treating it like it is based on belief and it's not a dumb, I'm just believing this because it looks this way, but rather the body responding that way. And it proceeds our highest level of reasoning at the prefrontal cortical that comes on at about 1.2 seconds. That's 400 times slower than the amygdala and limbic regions that are firing off autonomically. And this is pretty conscious before it ever splits off, becomes conscious.

By the time it gets to the conscious mind, we're already off to the racist, so to speak, heart rate, body shift, and also hormones and endocrines firing off the way they need to for survival situations that may not be occurring. I've seen many people that in very short order quickly become aggressive and angry and anxious and start yelling as if somebody said something wrong to them. And what they're really expressing is their discomfort at the unknown or

Something they don't understand they don't want to look dumb so instead they look angry like somebody did something wrong and they blame offense and point fingers at someone else as if somebody offended them intentionally when in actuality it was their own discomfort and The discomfort with one those things that are unknown People treating each other respectfully or safely and they interpreting only after the fact that we find out that they were Saying that they were acting fake

armando (21:41.566)
And there will be an inauthentic and they were lying. They're all liars. Mind you, said all as an absolute. And we spoken about this in the running man model episode one, of course, that's a really ugly episode because I have my podcast voice now, but still the information is quite useful. have a couple of videos on YouTube that kind of point this out, but whenever the blood flow leaves the front part of the brain, the carry sugar, the requisite sugar required to be able to do thinking.

then that means the blood is going to the rest of the body. Now the lower levels of brain do keep their blood because they need to be able to function to be able to do the automatic, autonomic type stuff. But when it comes to making higher reasoning, make sense and categorizing labeling and naming, we don't need to do that because we should be running, fighting or fleeing. We're in the realm of the four F's of survival. Actually the multi F's that we talked about in episode 99, but you understand.

but also these behaviors are reflective of those drives and they're basically not only reflective but actually projections of those drives into what we call the behaviors and the speaking and the belief systems that we develop as a result on the fly based on those levels of stress that we experience. So what is the caricature of myself? The caricature of myself is not a full character, but rather

I don't want to say comical, I would say fanciful and I would say something that is not an accurate representation, but rather maybe an even an exaggeration or a minimization of what it is and who it is that I consider myself to be. If we were to look at Superman versus the man, Superman would be a caricature because we know that people don't have those kinds of superpowers flying around. will, but we do know that there is humanity within the Superman character as he's written.

And that is not an exaggeration because there's kindness and service to mankind and very altruistic in that sense. But the caricature is that that we put out often those roles that we play that seem exaggerated, seem over the top, that seem not only charismatic, but actually quite hooking of our attention because like, wow, that's neat. Whenever we see somebody on television or these stars that are being interviewed, we tend to tie into all those charismatic traits.

armando (24:01.266)
and talents and the good looks and the makeup and those are Characterizations of something that they aren't if you see them without all the adornment they seem rather human and they really are but whenever we put up Or show up more correctly these adornments that we call our character to deal with something that's uncomfortable then we are dealing with a Inauthentic presentation. I'm not arriving but rather my my mask or my role is what I'm arriving at

So here I am playing a Shakespeare just to live to survive and to entertain to get the things that I need that sense of acceptance We were wired to the group when we were cave people if you didn't have it You'd be hunted down at eating very quickly nobody to watch your six and you wouldn't be part of a higher group that would Indicate safety and numbers to you. But yet if you're by yourself your numbers would not encourage safety So that's a pretty harsh reality but fact of the matter the caricature of myself

Is how people sometimes show up and very much it's just like flipping a switch. They're the same body person but the behaviors are hollow and it's Exaggerated it is hyperbolic. It is like me Because if you don't like me that means it feels like my ego is dying and the ego doesn't exist But fact of the matter is even Jung call Jung Stated that some of the darker behaviors in humankind

Those things that we try to bring from the unconscious to the conscious are the things that are allowing the ego to drive in its desperate attempt to make itself survive. And we try to protect it in our self image, our ego, all those things are conceptions, their ideas. They only exist at the subjective level. Just like they say that we don't have perfect free will. We don't, we are driven, but we do have some free will and we do make decisions.

The only place we have free will is in our subjective mind or ability to imagine and we can exaggerate all day and you can imagine anything in your mind without limit. But in our physical reality, there are limitations and finding the recognition of that balance can help us in healing those things that we consider that personality or those reactions that may not be so healthy for us. So those things that I'm so proud of when I show up at situations that feel uncomfortable or embarrassing to me. So

armando (26:25.093)
That's going to bring our discussion to a close for a day and that is quite a bit in a little bit and I hope that you've taken something useful to help understand what it is that is personality not all of this was about disorder personality, but those things that shape us into being those people that we are and What i'd like you to do is that have any feedback for me? Email me. Let me know about it Tell me what you think about this episode share this episode of the people that you think may benefit And if you don't think that you can help them with it

Send it to them anyway. Tell them Armando said that is cool I'd love for you to share this and this podcast is available on all platforms that your podcasts are found and also on YouTube have a few videos there from former lectures and Please like subscribe and share and Continue to think about things and I would love to hear from you I'd love talking to you all folks and to continue doing this podcast because it seems to be having good effect

I appreciate your listenership and you take care. Walk well.