Why Good People Do Bad Things: The Hidden Psychology of Roles, Authority & Morality

Ep 114. What Hidden Roles Control Your Mind? The Psychology Behind Our Darkest Decisions

Why do good people do bad things? It’s not always about morality—it’s about identity. Specifically, the unconscious roles we play every day: parent, leader, employee, follower, rebel. These roles aren't just titles—they’re invisible cages shaping our decisions, behaviors, and beliefs.

🎭 In this eye-opening episode, we uncover the hidden psychology behind social roles—and how they quietly influence our most ethical (and unethical) choices.

From the Stanford Prison Experiment to Milgram’s shocking obedience studies, history proves one thing: Ordinary people can do unthinkable things when they surrender to authority, groupthink, or institutional roles.

🔥 You’ll Learn:

• The difference between folkways, mores, and social norms
• How role identity can override your moral compass
• Why diffusion of responsibility leads to dangerous choices
• How to recognize when a role no longer aligns with your true self
• Simple mindset shifts to reclaim personal freedom and ethical power

This episode dives deep into behavioral psychology, moral philosophy, and social influence—giving you tools to live with greater self-awareness, autonomy, and inner strength.

🔎 Whether you're a leader, parent, activist, or simply human, this is the truth you can’t afford to ignore.

🎯 Perfect for Fans of:

• The Psychology of Evil by Philip Zimbardo
• Hidden Brain podcast
• The Diary of a CEO
• The Huberman Lab
• Jordan Peterson
• Simon Sinek
• Brené Brown

🔔 LISTEN NOW:

👉 Apple Podcasts | Spotify | YouTube | Amazon | Google Podcasts
 🎙 Subscribe for weekly deep dives into the human psyche, decision-making, and the invisible forces shaping your life. Take care and walk well. 

Transcript

armando (00:40.653)
Welcome back folks to episode 114 of the Running Man Self-Regulation Skills Project Podcast with me, your host, Dr. Armando Dominguez, PhD in Health Psychology, licensed professional counselor and an adjunct professor at the local community college. And what we're going to be discussing today has to do with brain suggestibility, but also the roles that we play in our lives day to day, the positions that we occupy, whether they be in family, in hierarchies within.

tribes, or even the jobs that we do, and the assumptions and beliefs that come along with them. That's a mouthful, but it's going to be a really exciting discussion to have because there's so much to unpack. So to get this discussion going, we're going to discuss what the dark roles are that we play. That isn't a rhetorical question, but rather a statement of fact. There are things that we do and ways that we go about doing that often within the realm of what we do in our day-to-day lives is driven by internal unctions.

our egotistical needs, those things that require us to stroke our ego, to validate ourselves or get other people to validate us. So that way that we know that our little ego is not dying moment to moment. And that does sound rather harsh, but it's the reality of what it is that goes on whenever we're doing things that are motivated from a darker space, that often we have a hard time putting into words. So what are those roles that we play day to day? And what's the dark aspect of that? And it's not necessarily

me per se, but rather that part of me that drives, requires some sort of feed, some sort of payback. So to begin this discussion, we're going to look at the roles that we play day to day. And we'll start off with the micro or the personal level. And at that level, we'll talk about our relationships or maybe even our, our positions in family, whether it would be first, second, third born. There's a lot of literature on that. And some of it is relatively accurate. Some of it is a little less than reliable in my

estimation but it's a good read no less but gives us an idea as to perspectives and pressures that certain people experience being born first born second born third born there are some

armando (02:51.503)
common themes there that are reliable, but the idea is to stay closer to the theory and not get too far into the weeds and you need to be with the extrapolations of those things. But the idea once again is valid. Now the role I might play as a firstborn, maybe one of a leader or one, wherever I feel a little more special, because maybe I was first before I had to share the attention within a family. And now going into the larger sense of

You know, what role do I play whenever let's say we go to school we become school aged and we start having to interact with other littles that may be firstborn second thirdborn and some are really Exceedingly confident and some are incredibly painfully shy and we see this even within a family sometimes now I'm not going to be going into the areas of abusiveness and squashing the ego of a child or their identity Not going into that, but we're just going to talk about assuming all

things are equal, and that's a really big bill to swallow as far as assuming all things are equal, they're not. But whenever we enter a level playing field, such as going to school, not talking about the dynamics between teacher and child, this sort of thing, but wherever we're one more or less equivalent child, age about the same, or even an adult or somebody that's in their middle school years, that has been impacted by these systems, we realize that environment does shape us in a big way.

especially when we spend nine, ten hours away from home for nine to ten months out of the year going to school and that means that when we reach school age, family has less environmental influence over time by virtue of volume, just time. The amount of time you're spending in school around others other than with family doesn't mean that the impact in the first five to six years wasn't shaping or important.

but just in comparison, the amount of hours that you get, it's a hard influence to shake, especially when kiddos come home with behaviors. It's like, where did you learn that? You didn't learn that at home. And we start questioning things because we do get influenced and we are apt to fill roles or apt to see suggestions that could benefit us. So it's all a survival game. How do I get my payoff? How do I stay safe? Who do I align with? Who do I have to have at a distance because there

armando (05:17.489)
unsafe to be around, who do I need to keep close because I don't know what they're going to do, so I got to keep tabs on them, this sort of thing. Wherever we keep our friends close, but our enemies closer in principle, but also in practice. And those aren't things that we're taught to do, but we come to realize as a practical outgrowth of interacting with people at a very young age. So the next part we're going to ask about is what are the roles that I play outside of home whenever I'm interacting with relatively equal peers, so to speak, that might become

our opposites or our resistance to growth or acquisition of things whether it be attention or accolades this sort of thing and we start seeing the growth of Competitive sports and this sort of thing where we start learning how to have a healthy sense of competitiveness and Maybe growing one if we don't really have one we come from a home where that's not really Demonstrated a lot now some of this is very natural some kiddos are just naturally aggressive that does not mean violent not the

same thing wherever we have more.

in sense of being more dynamic in play and versus being destructive and harmful and trying to hurt someone else that is something totally different than being a little more dynamic and aggressive. And that does not necessarily mean hyperactive either within a relatively acceptable normal healthy realm. So that was a big mouthful as well. So we'll go to the next point. So how is it that whenever I go outside as I get older, as I'm a parent, as I'm a peer, as I'm

preteen or maybe a teen or somebody that's an adolescent about to go into adulthood with children without children What are the influences whenever I move forward? Whenever I'm outside of home and interacting with people that I may be bonded with and becomes friends with What is it that I do? What do I become?

armando (07:10.029)
As a result of those pressures and how do I choose those things that become my life path so to speak or my way of living Most of us don't have an idea as to who we're going to become some of us have that Hammered into us and some of us acquire that I want to be a doctor or a veterinarian from a very young age and some a very small number of probably sub one percent of people that can

declare that at a young age are able to achieve and accomplish that because they have the requisite wherewithal whether it be the intellect, intelligence, or even the drive for that matter and interest to be able to do that and survive the schooling situation. Now

The next part of the discussion is going to go into the roles that we play. And this is going to be more in the mezzo area, as social psychologists and social workers like to talk about. And this is going to be where we interact at the level bigger than home, but also more community based on how we interact there, what are the influences there. And it's really important to differentiate because whenever we see, let's say we're working in an agency such as I do, work in a local mental health authority.

And there's definitely a hierarchy there from our CEO down and there are pathways of information going up that have to go through a chain of command and pathways on the way down from the chain of command tip, the CEO down to the bottom to wherever we have our regular folks working in mid management and those that will supervise those folks. And we have to have a path of communication. But the important part is that there is an assumed responsibility that

certain person takes when occupying a space within an agency or within a community group, this sort of thing. And there are certain authorities that are given, but also respected by those that are willing to participate in that. And there are also paths to grievances, this sort of thing that are considered appropriate or proper. And those are respecting rules. Now that really resembles a pecking order that we get in the more paleo sense, wherever the strongest

armando (09:14.185)
and the most dominant is up top. And whenever we're looking at the pecking order, the other ones are basically in order. They may challenge the peak of the person at the top, but they also get cuffed around a little bit and shown, okay, this is where you're at. And then the ones below start fighting for the second position, third position, this sort of thing. And whenever one applies for jobs and positions, one is not doing something too different in that one is competing. One is fighting, so to speak, for that position that one is trying to apply for.

for by virtual ones, CV ones, curriculum vitae if you're in academics or your resume, if you will, and your experience and.

The other thing that makes it more lively is that we actually are able to speak and influence based on not only our experience or knowledge, but also what we bring to the table. And if we, what we expect to see some say chase experience versus dollars, and that's a hard thing in this economy right now. But the fact of the matter is the more experience you have and breadth of experience is really helpful. Uh, depth of experience is even more so whenever you have a very niche, um, area you're trying to move into. And those are the, the punches in the

kicks in the bites and scratches that otherwise would have occurred at the paleo level, in the pecking order sense. And to analogize it that way is interesting to me, but at the same time, it makes a whole heck of a lot of sense. It certainly does parallel. Now the next thing, whenever we're occupying that position and let's say we have people that we supervise or underlings, so to speak, and that's not a great term to use, but it makes sense for what we're talking about. we have those that would listen to our

directions and we would give direction to whenever they come to an impasse or to a point where they can't make a decision or aren't allowed to make a decision within their role and they have to bring it for supervision and signing off and say okay we can do that to give them the okay to give them the departmental blessing so to speak and those are guidelines that we follow and notice that if we follow our

armando (11:19.631)
Position in our job descriptions this sort of thing We're basically in agreement that I'm gonna do things this way and there's some people that cannot relate well to that Because they feel that the way they live out at home where they're picking their nose and leaving a mess Doing that in public or when talk to people and spitting on the floor this sort of thing and I am making fun of situations that I have actually seen and Not that these people did not have worth or capacity to work, but there's certain guidelines that really

whenever you're working with others must be respected versus having the whole group.

to you wagging the dog so to speak, the tail wagging the dog, the dog should wag the tail in the sense that one should be able to fall in order so to speak. And that does not necessarily mean giving up your individuality, but some people really have a hard time doing that. Part of it has to do with the belief structure, which is the direction we're going with the roles that we play. What are the beliefs that I have? They assume beliefs that I take when I take a position. Whenever I'm working, I have to go and get somebody's permission whenever

I'm leading I have to give people permission to do certain things. Those are the job skills, but there's also an assumed authority there. There is a presupposed idea as to what that job requires and that even includes the role that we play at home. There's a presupposed idea as to what we do as a parent and it can get wild and wooly in the home wherever there is no guideline if you've had no role models and it can be very restrictive if there is a lack of control or capacity in the

to be able to identify and address certain behaviors that could be problematic, not so different from the workspace or not so different from the village or the paleo cave person tribe, wherever we're dealing with people that may cause risk or cause harm or cause disruption and those things get addressed because it's easier to deal with the common thread than it is to deal with the exceptions. And yes, you manage the exceptions quickly, but at the same time, if there are

armando (13:25.049)
many exceptions and it could be a mutiny and you got to be really careful. So the next thing is going to be the dark roles that we play.

we'll be moving more towards a macro level without getting into politics, this sort of thing, and how it affects us in the larger, not only city, but also state and national sense and how we behave and how we follow. But much of our suggestion that we receive from our environment isn't always the space that we're in, whether it be in the woods, whether it be in the concrete jungle of the city, or being out in the park. And just recently, I will give you an example as to

meso level involvement in the sense that I, I practiced martial arts, but I was out doing Tai Chi in the park and doing stretching. was doing old man exercises, not looking particularly aggressive. I was just moving very slowly and smoothly. And if anything, it was identified yoga to whoever would have looked and had not been clued in. I can laugh about it now, but it wasn't a laughable circumstance at the time. But, several weeks back, there were some, relatively

20-ish and middle-aged folks that were seeing me at a distance. This is a very large park with a covered area over a basketball court. Nobody was using it and I was right next to where sprinklers were going and the wind was blowing. It's so beautiful and nice and calm and comfy in a second. I'm to practice here. And I started doing my breathing and standing postures and stretching and all that. Of course, there was nobody there and then somebody just kind of strolls along with their dog outside of there. I'm at no big deal. People walking in the park

And these three men, and I think they were homeless and possibly my extrapolation of it is the way they were behaving. They may have had maybe a stint in jail or prison before because it was definitely predatory behavior, but there were trips into areas that would be my space, so to speak, the area that I occupied. And I can't occupy more than 30 feet, but they started kind of interloping into my area when there was literally no one else on

armando (15:32.481)
This basketball court that has probably one two three six about eight to ten different basketball goals crosswise widthwise and lengthwise so there was no need for them to be close to me and I don't mind being up and talking with a close and talk to somebody but that wasn't what was happening one started running to see What made me nervous or made me notice them and break from what I was doing then? They sat down and then the other two

came up and they started signaling each other it seems and I probably should have left at that point and I didn't and that was my mistake but I'm usually pretty aware but I didn't feel threatened so to speak but then one starts doing laps around the inside perimeter of where the courts are and I was in one of the corners totally opposite of the corner they were at and then he ran outside of the area I was at just demonstrating that he was running around and I saw him running and then he started doing it and running

closer into my space intentionally just to see what I would do. Well, he was coming at me from behind, literally going towards my spine area whenever and soon as I felt him it was about 30-35 feet.

I turned and I looked right at him and he got upset. He got foiled. He was pulling something out of his pocket. Then he shifted quickly into acting like he was straightening his sweatpants, which he wasn't. He was actually reaching into his pocket for a knife because I saw the imprint of the knife. saw it. And after that, when I was leaving, he was still trying to sell the fact that he was only working out, so to speak, in quotes. And

He started doing shuttle runs where he'd run and touch the ground run and touch the ground while he was looking at me just trying to demonstrate that he meant no harm to me when in actuality he was trying to camouflage the fact that he was doing something and his intention was to harm but he was acting as really he was just there to work out. So these are the things that's environmental suggestion that shapes us and what are the roles that we play. What role did I play that day? I played the role of John Q. Citizen. They were playing the role of trying to exert

armando (17:44.122)
I had my plastic training knife with me and that really hurt when you hit somebody with it. But it'll leave a really nasty wound because it's blunt and kind of edgy. I had...

No fear for my life in that sense, but I did not want to be getting into an altercation. But it was a pretty serious thing and I had to recognize it for what it was. But they fit themselves into a role where they were trying to exert dominance. It was a very paleo level thing, even though I was out in the community just using the community facilities. And that's okay. Once again, I have to work on those things and I wasn't comfortable because I had some adrenaline drop after that. It kind of got my fighting dander up.

that my fighting capabilities were right there but I didn't want to use them I didn't want to fight I just wanted to go home which I took off and I did other things but luckily I got away without any incident but that was close enough and just as an example for my life you know those kind of things do occur frequently enough and people are always trying to push and determine where the roles start where they end and not unlike whenever we're work there people that will push your buttons just to see how far you'll go and they will

try to see what your twitch point or your reactivity point is. This is an important thing because whenever we're looking at following suggestion often, it's not always what our authorities or our supervisors expect of us. In 1964, the Milgram experiment that they were using electroshock, false electroshock to students and the confederates of the researchers were yelling and screaming like they were being shocked all the way up to the point that

this could kill somebody and the people that were receiving the instruction from the researchers saying yes go ahead and shot them because they made a mistake or an error on this test were gritting their teeth and grasping their legs and this sort of thing with their hands in tension but yet they were still willing to obediently follow instructions.

armando (19:50.961)
environmental suggestion and from the position somebody tells you to do something that's wrong for instance yet we can't go against it because we fear for our own position there are a lot of dynamics there and 19 he actually got a milgram got an award for that but he used deception he didn't tell the students that were doing the shocking that they weren't really hurting somebody so there were some emotional uh leftovers after that they were debriefed yes and then they started tightening up a review board

Necessities to be able to allow for experiments in 1968 Philip Zimbardo actually did the the Zimbardo prison experiment is one of the most famous experiments and actually They've interviewed him several times. He's still around I believe he is as of last year and he did a TED talk on the effects of the Zimbardo experiment very fascinating to listen to since he's the one that conducted this was gone two weeks it was Stopped after six days because the people knowing that they were going to be role-playing

One is prisoners to as prison guards in this one college hall That was the mock prison started really getting into the roles knowing full well that they were acting but they got to the point where some people were breaking and wanted to commit suicide and they needed out and they had some of the people playing guards that really got into the roles and were really exerting some mock authority in a sense that they were being abusive of those that were playing the role of prisoners and the point that I'm making

with this whole discussion is the fact that our suggestion often can be environmental, what we're expected, based on how we interpret, but also

what we're often can influence and shape how it is that we respond, how we react, and how we interact with other people. And sometimes it's also that sense of obedience because someone told me to in blindly following orders whenever we know full well that it's morally and ethically wrong, not unlike in the Zimbardo and the Milgram experiments. And this plays out every day in the rules that we play.

armando (21:56.495)
roles that we play rather more correctly and the rules that we follow but also those rules sometimes if they're internally driven we can at least allow ourselves that chance to do the ethical moral but sometimes the ethical moral suggestion from our past experience based on the emotional load remembering whenever maybe we were abused whenever we were taught a very harsh lesson that we won't allow ourselves to make that mistake and we may actually hurt somebody as a result so what's the whole point of this discussion today

the question. The answer is the whole point is that we're all quite capable.

No matter how lovely and kind and compassionate and loving we are to people and each other, we are able to go there. We're all based in a physiological vehicle that is wired for self-protective action when necessary. And these are real things. And perception of threat, external, we actually see it perceived through our eyes here, taste and smell, this sort of thing. And also our perception based on belief, because our physiology kicks off.

not unlike the lemon that I speak about in salivation releasing a hormone that we salivate we can have a compelling thought or recollection that brings into fight-flight state this is the baseline of anxiety panic and PTSD that can shape not only what we do but how we do things and Depending on what we're doing who we're interacting with we may inadvertently not meaning to hurt somebody a lot of times whenever we see child abuse and this kind of happens and There is sometimes a lack of models

And some say, you weren't under stress, but there are things going on there that may or may not make somebody a really good parent or really bad parent and also this can make somebody a really good guide or supervisor or not and Whenever we see people complain and lament you have the position went to their head that certainly speaks very loudly about any prior experiences that may have shaped whatever they believe positions and roles and also controls

armando (24:02.981)
are supposed to be and they may be distorted. They may not be healthy and they may not be the best. But on that note, we're going to go and close this discussion and we will continue with it a little further on in another podcast. But I want to touch on the fact that we do play roles that sometimes can dip into the darkness and it doesn't matter how good and loving and church-going you may be. We're all quite capable and if we remember that, that gives us the first wisdom. And what is that? Not only in our capacity, but also knowing that we

could

drop to that level of activity and behavior, should give ourselves an opportunity to physiologically exhale out first before we act whenever things are stressful not suck wind and draw breath because that activates our sympathetic nervous system but breathe out and learn how to control that space before you act so that we can respond mindfully versus react and then maybe worry about the consequences that we don't like later. So that's it for today and once again thank you

for

take care and whatever you do keep mindful breathe out before you act and walk well