You’ve Been Programmed Since Birth: How to Reclaim Your Mind & Master Yourself

Ep 116. Unlock True Freedom: How Self-Regulation Rewires Your Brain and Breaks You Free from Social Conditioning

 The Illusion of Freedom: How Conditioning Controls You (And How to Break Free) 

Are you truly free—or just following invisible scripts written by your environment?
 Self-regulation isn’t just about discipline—it’s the key to breaking out of unconscious habits shaped by your upbringing, culture, and even your brain chemistry.

According to pioneers like Albert Bandura and B.F. Skinner, we’re conditioned from birth to conform to families, groups, and societal norms. We adopt patterns and behaviors that feel "natural"—but only because they've been reinforced over time. The brain favors what's familiar, while new behaviors require more neurological effort and cognitive energy.

Through the science of behavioral reinforcement—both specific and global—we’re either unconsciously strengthening or extinguishing habits every single day. Most of us don't even realize it.

But here’s the truth: Freedom isn’t the absence of rules—it's the conscious choice to create your own.

When you learn how and where conditioning occurs—both internally (thoughts, emotions) and externally (family, social pressure)—you take back control. That awareness is the first step toward real freedom: the power to become who you choose to be, rather than who you were shaped to be. Take care, walk in Freedom and power. Walk well. 

Transcript

armando (00:40.665)
Welcome back folks to episode 116 of the Running Man Self-Regulation Skills Project Podcast with me, your host Dr. Armando Dominguez, Ph.D. in Health Psychology, licensed professional counselor and an adjunct professor at a local community college. And what we're going to be discussing today has to do with freedom, or the illusion of freedom more correctly and how.

We tend to be told that we're born free and that we are free, but in fact we are bound by many social constructs and expectations that we call rearing and raising whenever we're growing up at the knees and feet of our family members, this sort of thing, or those that would raise us. But we become conditioned, we become trained to respond in a way that is going to encourage survival, so to speak, if we were learning from a tribe out.

in very paleo way of living, we would have to learn not only what nature provides, but also where we can seek our provision as far as food, this sort of thing, safety, security, but also those things that are dangerous and that could eliminate or even harm us. And those are very astute lessons that we have to become very, very aware of and therefore conditioned to recognize and respond. So it's a learning thing. And there are two aspects that we're going to point out.

One is going to be environmental learning and how it relates to external locus of control and also internal environment and how that relates to internal locus of control.

Not necessarily playing with the jargon, but understanding that there's a relative strength in either one, but there's a potential weakness in either one as well. And as we move forward, we're to start looking at how the illusion of freedom is given to us and how we, by living mindfully and thinking moment to moment, we can break free and shatter that illusion and how it comes to us as a lesson on how to become not only better, but more self-regulated.

armando (02:49.859)
so that we can become better at navigating our environment, both internal and external, without necessarily becoming a victim to it. To kick off the discussion, what I'm going to do is look at what some of the early behaviorists and social learning theorists would talk about, and that had to do with our environment and how we interact within it, but also what we know as conditioning. Conditioning is a really heavy-handed term now, and it sounds in smacks of manipulation.

and control and in some context yes that is correct but also whenever we think about sport and those things that we like to do like maybe learn how to play music and gaining skill conditioning takes on a new meaning because it has a more positive idea that is tied to that such that we have an outcome that is favorable and desirable now

Whenever we think about being conditioned by somebody that wants us to behave in a certain way, let's say family, for instance, this is something that most of us, whenever we're young, we are being taught by somebody that be our parental or adult.

Model that would show us how to do things how not to do things what to avoid and encourage certain things and there was a lot of reinforcement of behavior that would be considered not only socially appropriate within the context of family or let's say village or City or town where you may live our locale will call those colloquial differences that we in comparison see from one place to the next that vary a little bit but yet there

is a certain thing that we would call, for instance, common courtesy or common courtesies that may vary a little bit, but generally are considered the expectations of behavior that we start seeing differences in hierarchy, who respects whom and how help is given around the home, for instance, and who gets what chores and also who gets the most difference in respect, such as our elderly. If we live in a more communal, familial setting, we may have

armando (05:03.487)
even generations of family living within the same home and we take care of the elderly and the littles and the ones that are in the middle those that are of age to be able to provide support this sort of thing will do so relative to the roles that each one of those people play the babies and the elderly and also those that are mature and that are carrying the largest load of keeping that system going but we get conditioned or practiced by modeling and

This is something that Albert Bandura talked about and he actually coined the term vicarious learning having to do with how we visually see in our environment and how we can mock and copy the model of that behavior. Whether it be good, bad, indifferent, doesn't matter. But the point is we understand that by watching and learning we can gain skill without having somebody formally teach in a step one, step two, step three, do this, do that. And that is more like coaching.

This is part of the conditioning that is more positive and that is life bringing it's life giving and it's also life affirming whenever someone is doing things that please another so we learn how to socially connect not only good feelings pats on the head good boy good girl and this sort of thing with certain behaviors that are considered,

not only comforting to those that are around us because we're becoming more and looking more like them, but also we get a reward or payback because there's a measure of validation and acceptance that occurs there. And it's not always spoken in the words that I spoke them, but rather more so in the sense of the feeling one gets by getting smiles and affirming nods and this sort of thing that go along with doing something well and being accepted and doing something acceptable. So here's where one of the questions comes up in

does self-regulation come into this relative to learning a new skill?

armando (07:02.917)
because by choosing to go along, to speak, or learn said skill, or do said behavior as expected, we are choosing a measure of acceptance and we're also choosing to not be shunned or not accepted so that we can get whatever it is that we need to survive, whether it be food, shelter, care, and nurture, this sort of thing. And also we're making a decision away from things that would otherwise put me

in position of being outside of the norm, so to speak. And I put that in heavy quotes. whenever we're looking at the idea of conditioning, it's not anything new. It's not something that psychologists came up with, or that we just recently developed. It's something that's been around for a long time. And by observation of nature, we came to conclusions millennia ago, if we get into the readings of Zen meditation or Chan meditation, or even

armando (08:05.679)
Classic on yoga the the eightfold path. There is a large measure of understanding that there are certain behaviors that we do that are socially acceptable and that are useful to living amongst other people so there was definitely something that was written down many years ago that guided what it was that would be our social behavior our group behavior versus our individual behavior and Also, we have to recognize that not everything that we do is strictly

for ourselves and it is a very unselfish thing to be able to do things that placate others because sometimes that lessens their stress so to speak but on the

opposite into that we have the more selfish perspective as one would call it, not necessarily taking from another and leaving somebody with less, which is theft by the way in concept, but understanding that sometimes we have to do things that are in our own best interest and self-regulatory schools may require that we go along to

do what we need to do to get the things that we need, whether it be safety, nurturing, this sort of thing. Not a big surprise there. But whenever I spoken in the past in this podcast about the social line that we live on and where we all get along to get along. And also whenever we're putting on the mask of civility or the mask of the policy mask of the marketplace, that we are acting within a certain realm or range. But yet, whenever we may note somebody, let's say we'll give this some

context that somebody was acting terribly at home and maybe they're particularly belligerent and ugly and really don't recognize people's boundaries and maybe a real cuss so to speak as they say in Texas and why is it that I'm using this as an idea but the idea is this to give us some contrast is that whenever we look at the same person out and about

armando (10:08.595)
within the social realm doing what one must do to get along, to get along, to get along. It seems fake. It seems like a lie. It seems as if.

We see the monster within and they're putting on the mask and we're just waiting for the other shoe to drop for the mask to fall away and for everyone to see the truth. The emperor's new clothes is the idea and you realize that the emperor has no clothes and that's the ugly part that's hidden but people are getting on to get along so they're acting as if that's not true. He's fully clothed so to speak. So often we feel a sense of angst, discomfort,

Upset because things do not seem like they're on the up and up. They don't seem honest seems inauthentic and this is Largely true, but we're allowed to do the get-along to get along because that is how we trade and Encourage our own survivability in the bigger sense, but the reality this is what we break that illusion of freedom is Realizing that there's more to it. There is always always more under the surface

Just like whenever you have a cute baby, beautiful smells like powder and baby lotion. And you know that once they drop a poo, that's it. They don't smell as good. That's the reality. And that requires that we take care of the human condition that requires some cleaning up and maybe a clothes bin to pinch your nose off. Cause it's a little stinky and what's junior been eating. Right. And, say this comically, but fact of the matter is that much of what we deal with in the day-to-day basis is not a straight line of complete freedom. It's not a straight line.

of complete conditioning and lack of choice in our life. It's not like that. It's intertwined. It seems to me it's like two dual sine waves living together so to speak and also

armando (11:59.069)
Kind of living in harmony in the sense that we know when to balance and when not Whenever life gets difficult and we get stuck in that sense that we feel like that part It is not only manipulative but controlling of us that we feel less freedom It's more so speaking to the fact that we may feel a sense of deprivation

We may feel like we don't have enough payoff, enough joy, enough love, enough touch, enough kindness, enough closeness, enough money, whatever it is that we're looking at. And we feel like we're lacking and we see the lack and we notice a disparity. But how do we notice that disparity? By comparative looking at other people and seeing what they have. And then we start questioning, why don't I have that? Why can't I have that?

Why won't I have that is probably the more correct question versus the, can't, I can't indicates, capacity and ability, and being beyond our reach, whereas I won't indicates that we have a choice and we can choose to do things that will get us those things, so to speak, if it becomes a material acquisition idea, but at the same time, it, in principle, it applies to behavioral care and nurturing and how can I get more care and nurturing sometimes by

not focusing on self so much and being able to provide care and nurturing modeling what it is maybe that we want to get and if the world is our mirror in concept won't it reflect back what we give and how we are that's of course a rhetorical question that we must ask ourselves because sometimes yes sometimes it is that but it all depends

One of the things that I used to mention to my former college students years back was that whenever we would touch on the physiology within a response in certain behaviors and beliefs that are developed as a result of a stressful or anxious or even a painful state,

armando (13:54.823)
Then they would wonder well If you have pain then you have these kind of negative beliefs as the outcome correct and I would tell them well Not necessarily it depends and it was the most frustrating thing to one of my students I kind of laughed with her And we made a joke about it because she started responding. Well, it depends and I said yes You got the idea that there is rarely ever an absolute when it comes to human behavior And there's rarely ever an absolute when it comes to the outcomes

of human behavior relative to states of stress and physiological duress that occur within a life. So it was a brilliant understanding and it was a breaking through of the illusion of what it is that is that controlled comfiness of knowing. And fact of the matter is we're very limited in what we do know. And it's really impacted by these two things. We discussed what the points were going to be that we would move through and that's going to be external environment, internal environment, and

relates to external and internal locus of control and these are some ideas to think about. So whenever we think about the impact of an external environment, we're looking at what's happening outside of us, what we see, people that are there, maybe people that we serve and help and love and interact and family with this sort of thing. And then we have the internal environment, those things that result as we impact or

external world so to speak how we interact with it and what my decisions and judgments and beliefs and hopes and things that come up as a result of that so really important stuff so why is it that the internal and external locus of control

in this discussion are tied to that we sometimes we have to recognize that when we overly focus on what's happening outside of our body in our life, we sometimes to our detriment don't take care of ourselves. We under nurture ourselves. We under pay attention to ourselves. If I can use that term, we're not attentive to what we need, our personal needs.

armando (16:05.41)
To the detriment of our best health and wellness because we're focusing on everyone else Nothing wrong with being in service As an example of somebody that had a very deep internal locus of control That was known to have done great things in helping people as mother teresa but in her writings and journals to her her

higher-ups within the church that she was serving under, she would write that that distance and fear of emptiness and also how she felt like she didn't feel God sometimes. And being a spiritual person, you would think that that would be very, very unlike or uncharacteristic of somebody that was within a very short time of her death, deemed a saint because of a continuous compassion, but yet in her writings.

She always went out every day and in spite of that fact wherever she was even questioned whether or not there was a god in in her Life because she couldn't feel it. Sometimes many times there was some depressive quality that went on She chose to focus on other people now. Those are extremes extremes of focus internal extremes of focus external But because of what was going on internally her internal locus of control. She was able to control what was going inside

and drive to control more what was going on outside as a result of where she felt that the actual battle was more so than what was going on outside if

We look at what external locus of control provides us that we tend to pay attention to outside and those things shape what goes on inside. She shaped what went on outside because of her inside. She didn't know what was going on, but she had a great deal of faith throughout knowing that there was something there, even though she couldn't experience it in the sense that was palpable or measurable. But yet her faith and her hope drove her to shape what happened in the external environment that she lived in. And that was providing compassionate care in India.

armando (18:08.348)
And it's a very hard example because she lived that for many many decades and it's definitely of note. So what does this have to do with me and self regulatory skill?

She was a great example of self-regulation and not quitting and not stopping as a result of how she was feeling, believing, but yet she had faith and hope that there was more, that there was something else. And that's what's important in this example. So if I have an internal locus of control, according to the studies, I tend to be happier because I feel like I have more choice. I don't feel like I don't have control. Whenever we see happiness in the workplace, people that are less depressed, less apt to

anxious and angry. It's the people that know that they have a greater degree of freedom and choice and control and what it is that is going to be their environment at work and actually play a meaningful role in the outcomes. Whereas if we're looking at job satisfaction where there's very little autonomy, very little input other than just go and do your job and get paid, the depression rates and the anxiety and anger rates are much higher and the studies show this rather clearly.

But it's something that we've known that within our cultures within our life experiences we hear about where people get disgruntled and get upset and leave work settings where people Enjoy doing that the work that they're doing

Knowing that the work there they're doing is very helpful and they continue at it for decades because there's a sense of Peace that they get a sense of joy and payback beyond the paycheck itself So those are some important things to consider the next couple of ideas. I really want to drop come from operant conditioning that is something that BF Skinner used to talk about and He was definitely into conditioning, but it's not so much that I believe condition is most important It's just sometimes being aware of the

armando (20:06.124)
that when we're teaching and learning we are conditioning and whenever we're learning to gain a skill we're conditioning as much as we are as the teacher so it's just something that occurs and the term once again sounds a little little harsh and ham-handed but in fact it points out a very distinct idea that's helpful in that we're gaining practice we're gaining repetition in a behavior whether it be for something more fun more sportive as they say in Spanish deportee

of being able to do things in a repetitive manner that provides us an outcome that is gaining skill that I can maybe use on the soccer field or on a gymnastic routine or in the martial art things that I do wherever we learn things you don't just practice them once and expect the technique to stay and what we understand is that that's neurological conditioning we're training our body and our nervous system to respond a certain way and these are important things to notice not

merely in your head in your mind, but also in your body and how we embody that sense and We're training things more deeply. So these are the terms I want us to think about whenever we're reinforcing in the social sense usually positive reinforcement is something that we encourage a behavior to continue by Specifically pointing out and this is going to be a very specific term a specific reinforcement if somebody throws out the trash and Johnny just threw the trash will say he did

And he's eight years old and we say hey Johnny. I saw that you throw the through the trash out. That was great Good job pat on the back and here you go I'm gonna give you a dollar because I expected to do this and when you do this each time I will give you a dollar to add to your savings So that would be a very specific reinforcement example. The second is going to be a global reinforcement This is going to be where somebody does a specific job Let's say Johnny threw the trash again, and this time is like good job, but we don't

identify him, we just identify the fact that the job was done, but didn't say he did it, nor did we point at it or give them an extra kudos and maybe an extra dollar for doing the job. But more global is one that does not specify him and what he did attached to the behavior, but still it's a reinforcement for more global, but it's also a little less effective for Johnny in the sense that it'll probably take more of that kind of reinforcement than it would a more specific reinforcement to encourage that behavior.

armando (22:36.354)
The next is going to be a specific criticism.

Johnny throws the trash, but the trash bag broke and it leaked a little bit and there was a mess on the floor. specifically Johnny, next time you throw the trash, can you make sure that the bag doesn't tear because it's spilled all over the floor? And that's it. There's no positive reinforcement, going on there, but there's a specific criticism of how this was done, but it wasn't done to standard. And that can have a very deep impact in that he might not get the dollar.

for having thrown the trash because there's a mess on the floor as a result of shoddy trash throwing methodology, so to speak. And that once again is specific criticism. Now a global criticism can be very powerful as can the specific criticism. And the global criticism would be whenever he comes back from throwing the trash and the trash bag haven't leaked a little bit, we could say that there's so much trash out in these dumps and these landfills and they're not being managed well.

And this is just a terrible thing for general health globally and to say something like that as a criticism Related to a behavior where there was a little mishap Torn trash bag that can lend a big weight and Concern to little Johnny making him feel not only bad about himself But also bad about trash generally and that more likely will not encourage good trash throwing behavior per se But it certainly will leave an impact of guilt and shame. So what does

this have to do with self-regulation? has a lot to do with it, because much of what we learn whenever we're learning is conditioned practice and reinforce, whether it be specifically or globally, the payoff that we have internally, our internal environment, as impacted by external environment, whatever reinforcement may have occurred there, or outcome skill gained, will determine whether or not it continue to go back or gain skill or improve that, or if I don't do that at all. So even whenever

armando (24:39.836)
we're learning to do physical skills for fun or protection or life enhancement by learning how to gather food, this sort of thing, or hunt. All of those have these running concepts that we think about these things with to learn how to improve them. But there's an understanding that is a principle before we ever labeled it that has to do with not only reinforcing life enhancement and life.

Reinforcement so to speak but also affirming life by doing these things but there's a strength in repetition There's a strength in conditioning and it's not all bad, but we have to understand where it is So where's the freedom in control self-control more correctly self-regulation better? Where is the freedom that rises from that and that we can actually navigate? Whatever stressors or irritations are external environment provides us it also keeps us from becoming hyper reactive to them

internal environment and how we react to that external environment. And these are the things that whenever we have a sense of self regulatory control and skill within those internal external environment, mind you, this is where we find that space of freedom where I can choose to engage. I can choose not to engage or to improve by choice and know where the impact is by knowing where the influences are external and internal environment. My locus of control becomes much

more internal, but it also becomes much more of a choice, whether or not I do or don't do versus one, wherever I have options imposed on me. And I feel like I have no control or choice in the matter. So this is going to end our discussion today. And it did get rather deep, but also it's something that we have to point out because it's something that if we want to be skillful, what it is that we call our lives, regardless of what you do, we have to become aware of the influences and the dynamics that influence what it is that I choose.

Why I choose and it's not always just how I believe sometimes it's the impact of the environment and what's going on at any one moment and that kind of Precedes much of what we believe as a moral ethical value and it's more driven by the payoff What do I get out of this? Do I feel good out of this action or not? And what are the results of these actions and I start future pacing and all of this that we talked about today has to do with things that happen within a fraction of

armando (27:07.076)
a moment before we even start really planning. it's a very powerful tool to understand these ideas, these concepts and understanding how fast it happens before we really start doing what we call our choice and are personally filtered through me, through my ego behaviors. Then I understand that much of these ideas are shaping what we do day to day. So for now, that's it for the discussion. I want to tell you thank you for sharing this.

afternoon with me. I appreciate your time and appreciate your listenership. Share this podcast with people that you think will benefit and even if there are people out there that you don't think will benefit, give it to them too. I would greatly appreciate it. Go to YouTube if you want to hear the podcast there and like, subscribe and share. I'd like to see that channel grow and we'll talk to you soon. Take care. Walk well.