The Hidden Power of Self-Talk: Why Fear Is a Language Problem

Ep 123. Why Fear Controls You – And How to Take Back Power Through Language

Fear is not just an emotion—it’s a biological signal, a deep-rooted response to the unknown, the overwhelming, or the lightning-fast changes we can’t yet process. This hardwired reaction is what drives human adaptation and survival. But here’s where it gets interesting: when language enters the equation, fear becomes more than a reflex—it becomes a belief.

Our inner dialogue, or self-talk, often acts like a hidden algorithm—shaping how we interpret reality. It can convince us of danger where there is none, trigger anxiety without reason, and sabotage opportunities before we even try. Why? Because the language we use—especially the exaggerated, negative, or fearful words—tricks our brain into reacting as if failure is guaranteed.

Most people don’t fail because of reality—they fail because of belief. The belief, rooted in unchecked language, that they’re not enough, not ready, or not capable. This is not a failure of skill, but a failure of speech—internal speech.

The real transformation begins when you learn to discipline your language. When you shift your self-talk, you shift your nervous system, your mindset, and your outcomes.

Fear might be automatic, but staying afraid is a choice—one we make through the words we repeat to ourselves every day.

Want to stop sabotaging your future? Start by changing your inner dialogue.  Your Brain Believes What You Say – Language Creates Fear & Failure 

 Think clearly. Speak powerfully. Walk well. 

Transcript

Welcome back folks to episode 123 of the Running Man Self-Regulation Skills Project Podcast with me, your host Dr. Armando Dominguez, Ph.D. in Health Psychology, licensed professional counselor and an adjunct professor at a local community college. And what I'd like to discuss today has to do with fear.

and the flavors of fear that it comes in. I use that term from a book that I've read and it was written by my teacher's instructor in martial arts, a master Phillip star, see who Phillips star originally out of Nebraska, Iowa area. But the book that I want to reference is called martial arts in the mirror image. And what I'd like to do once again is kind of read a couple of things about fear that he mentions in the book that are really incredibly useful and will guide our discussion for today.

first thing is fear of success and he states in his book yes there really is such a thing some people do very well in their quest for success but when they get close to their goals they quit they're actually afraid of succeeding it's something they've never done before and rather than venture into the unknown they turn around and walk away and the other type of fear is the fear of the unknown that he mentioned in his book and it says here I sometimes tell students that when they

strive for success and begin the journey down that path, they will eventually come to a precipice. It is dark and they cannot see what's beneath them. Many will turn around and go back to safer, more familiar ground. They will not achieve their goals, but they're happy to stay in familiar surroundings, even in those surroundings that aren't entirely comfortable, even adequate. The next one is titled, It's So Easy. I bet you thought I was going to say something like, it's easy to achieve your goals.

If you did, you're wrong. What I want you to know is that forgetting about your goals, neglecting your practice, and letting the hot flame of your passion flicker and die is all too easy to do. It's the worst pitfall of the whole path to success. Most people never realize their goals because they fall into the trap.

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and the dream remains a dream. So be careful and stay alert. Your brain will tell you many times that this whole idea cannot possibly work and of course, the world is full of fag leaders who will be too happy, only too happy, to tell you that you wasting your time. Remember that they actually telling you their stories, not yours.

They didn't succeed and they don't want you to succeed either. Certainly some of them are well-meaning folks, but they just can't help trying to pull you into their ranks. Don't listen to them. Stay with the program and move forward. Remember that you're either moving forward or backward and there's really no such thing as standing still when you undertake something like this. If you think you're just taking a breather and sitting still for a while, you're actually backsliding. Keep moving forward. As one well-known Indian guru once told the yoga students, this is not a

game that you play every once in a while either commit or

with martial arts in the mirror image and that's available at Amazon. I'm not getting any kind of recompense for this. All I'm telling you is that this is a phenomenal book, my teacher's teacher, and he has some really good useful information that is not only useful for martial art, but just generally speaking, succeeding what it is that would be your goal and your desire that you want to achieve in your life. And it doesn't have to be just one, but the idea is there's such a thing as being in movement and just

moving does not necessarily mean progress so the most common term we hear now has to do with gaining traction actually something that moves you forward so move forward with an orientation of progress and everything that you do with the dedication to moving forward will move you closer to that goal even if it's one little baby step at a time

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And it's an important thing to be able to commit to what it is that you're doing. And that commitment happens moment to moment, day to day sometimes. And you may start with the end in mind and that's whenever motivation is high, but motivation will wane. But we have to have the discipline to stick to something to make things happen. So whenever we're highly motivated, we may be able to do more deep work, but with discipline, we will gradually do a larger volume of deep work, even if it's intermittent here and there, knowing that we've have

time set aside, whenever the work that we render may not be at the highest quality that we'd like, or this penultimate idea that we have of this mythological output that is not only phenomenal, but just everyone will fall in love with what I've written, for instance, versus giving good solid information. And sometimes we delude ourselves into thinking that we are doing something either really wrong or really, really well. And we tend to either overestimate ourselves or underestimate ourselves. And part of that is

reflective of the language that we speak to ourselves. So we have to be honest and factual and really try to stay away from hyperbolic, speech, this hyperbole of I'm great or I'm awesome. This is difficult and it's terrible and it's too much for me. This kind of stuff. Either way, we'll see what it is that you're going to grow in the crop of your future success. So with these words, once again, what are the types of fear that we deal with? A lot of times fear of success isn't always about succeeding in a sense.

where we get monetary gain, but the success of completing a task, no matter how simple or how complex the idea is, if we started and we feel that it's a must do, it is falling into our duty station, so to speak, and we need to act on it. That could include parenting that could include starting a new diet or a new exercise regime. It could also be a matter of gaining skills. It could be something that could gain you a new position at work.

maybe developing something new that is created for you. Maybe starting something creative requires a little discipline too. Most people say it's just about flow and this effervescent quality and this almost effluvient floating on the air feeling that comes and you have to be in the right place to catch it almost. It's not even how creativity works. Creativity is work and it is not necessarily trudgery, could be, but also there is definitely a discipline quality in there that we must move and create even if the things that create, we create our

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the best and most Picasso that we can render. are at least in the process of motion and the direction of what it is that we're trying to do and that is success, whether it be as an artist, written or graphic, whatever that might be, even a martial artist. Wherever we're looking at martial art, not necessarily for self-expression, but for health and self-defense. And we have to realize that self-defense is an expression of art in a sense that we're gaining defense against ill health

if we're not fighting physically all the time. Fighting the good fight against ill health is an artistic expression that has health carryover. It depends on how we look at it and frame it. Yes. And I'm using this as a lead up to what it is that we're talking about today about how we fear and the things that we fear sometimes tend to be triggered by how we speak to ourself, our inner speak, but also how we speak to other people and how they may speak to us and how much influence their words may have on us. So

whenever we're talking about fear of success, what am I succeeding at? What are the things that I considered flops or failures? And I use the term failure in quote, because there are many that take failure as an absolute, like the everybody, everything all the time level and equivalent to whenever we talk about God, that it's immutable and unchangeable. And whenever we put that kind of emphasis on things, yeah, it can be a little heavy. But fact of the matter is those are merely hyperbolic descriptions once again, versus

factual rendering or an assessment of what's actually going on. So what is a fear? One, and let's start with the physiology of it having to do with self-regulatory skill, because often what we think will trigger our body into responding. So let's take the lemon that we always use as an example, that if we think of a lemon, just merely the conception of it, just literally a subjective representation in my mind, a mere thought

of lemon that comes along with a mental picture for those of us that are not aphantagic and can actually visually consciously visualize we have our body respond to what it is that we're thinking in that sense a visual image like a favorite food and I was watching Guga doing some cooking Brazilian dude amazing steaks and just seeing the juiciness of the food and the grill marks that he says are are basically bad cooking form

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But the fact is when I see him doing that, there's such joy, but my joy is in watching because there's this anticipatory feeling of, wow, I want to eat and I start to salivate. There's an expectation at the biological level, but it's a conception. It's an idea that I've seen. And now if I recall it, now it's an idea that is a visual image recollection that is compelling to a degree at the level of brain that is nonverbal, that is purely perceptual and then making sense of that perceptual signal.

So that way my body can start preparing to eat because it salivates and makes me have gastric juice release where my stomach starts to rumble a little bit this is where we are looking at the effect of words and thoughts and visual images that will trigger a physical change that made my body now different as a result of that after the fact after I've thought that so the power of our mind

has a lot to do with the results we get and the successes that we have in our life because it's not merely a conception in a digital sense where I see the words written and I read it like a paragraph in my mind. Most people don't imagine that way. say the largest percentage of folks don't. whenever we read something, it might render visual images, but we rarely read it as words on a page with no visual representation. So whenever we think,

about something in a visual sense, it'll create a response. So whenever we are speaking, going back to the words that other people speak and that have influence, there are people that had influence and authority in our lives, especially when we're young, that shape what it is that is our language. And not only that, but the definitions of the words we speak. And sometimes we have to redefine things. Today, there was an issue involving

a situation that we had to iron out and I'm going to say we not going to say where it occurred, but it revolves around somebody actually speaking very, very bluntly black and white. This is how it's reasoning and creating an issue that otherwise would have required a little, not necessarily creativity, but interpretation. And that would have alleviated some issues. But sometimes whenever we take things as black and white as absolute

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that is kind of reflective of level of stress. The more stressed we are, the more black and white and concrete things become, and the less gray area we have to work with. And that means there's less room for interpretation, but there's also greater room for true failure and avoidance of success, or maybe creating situations that otherwise would not be nearly as difficult, because our words once written, and we follow them as guidelines, and we take them as gospel, so to speak, become stumbling

blocks. And not that everything should be interpreted with great flexibility. That's not necessarily so, especially if you're giving people medication within certain milligrams range. And if you give them just one milligram too much, you could actually poison them. There is a time and place for everything as far as being that meticulous and hard on detail. And we have to be careful with that. But when we speak with each other, we don't use that kind of level of control.

and refine capacity to deliver a definition that is specific. Sometimes we are rather

The gray areas so to speak so we speak generally that we understand What we're talking about whenever I say dog you think dog and what dog are you thinking about? Well, maybe one you've seen is it mine? Probably not is the one that That usually rides in my pickup with me probably not so unless I show you a picture or maybe introduce you to my dog You're thinking of some dog, but it may more than likely not be the one that I have especially if you've never seen or met my dog So we're working within a realm of gray area

So to speak so there's some fuzziness there, but there is a general idea of definition So we're talking about dog. We understand what a dog is or at least I understand a dog to be a Canine that has a tail and probably for long or short could be large could be small So there's a grand space in which you know, we can fill in what kind of dog are we talking about if the definition is so specific? We need to determine that Definition becomes incredibly important. But if we're just generally speaking it just happens to be something we're

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talking about generally, but not specifically, then we have room to fudge a little bit and that's okay. But we need to know when it is. So how does this relate to fear of failure or fear of success? Well, fear of success, first part, often if we want to be more successful, the more details that we have down and the more specific in our details, often that assists us in very technical things.

having broader definitions depending on what it is we're trying to succeed at in a

Let's say a communication where we're trying to find out what is happening may require for us not to have very distinct specifics, but rather tell me about what's going on and being able to understand and interpret what people are saying and being able to move forward without necessarily having to have absolute details where we have to dot every I and cross every T, sort of thing. Now, fear of success often will lead us to have lower level goals and sometimes

levels of expectation for ourselves where we don't stress ourselves so much, but we kind of stay in that comfort zone that that Master Star mentioned in his book that we may move and make progress, but we'll stay closer to the comfort zone versus reaching out and we may get to the precipice and turn back. We may not cross over or jump or take that leap of faith, so to speak.

That says I believe in myself and what I know such that we can reach to the other edge and maybe we realize that it may be dark and maybe a precipice or it feels like a precipice and we just realize it's really just kind of a curb or a ledge and we could just step down and and move from there, which is well within our skill range. But we may believe it to be a precipice versus a curb or maybe just another step into a dark space or an area that we don't know. And it's not novelty, but rather it's unknown. And sometimes fear of the unknown is enough to parallelize.

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us and keep us from moving forward because we tend to exaggerate and expect things if we've ever been hurt or frightened before to be bigger or worse than what they could be just in case. And our biology is always in that just in case mode. It's not always extreme fight and flight, but it is one that is incredibly conservative because conservation and the sense of energy makes sense. And as humans, we are by nature that, but if we're conservative in our nature to be able to move forward, also limits our

ability to get hurt if we're moving into a dangerous unknown, because that could happen too. And this is all reasonable, but part of this is highly perceptual. And what I would say involved with a lower level brain states that has to determine whether or not something appears dangerous or something appears uncomfortable and anything in complete darkness is an unknown. We're probably more apt to not approach.

at least prod it with a stick to make sure there's nothing in there that could hurt me. especially we're bound to move through it and don't know how we're going to get through it. But at the very least, we must go on. So preparation is really important. whenever we're trying to succeed at things, it helps to have a goal. And something that my teacher told me many years ago in the martial art was that if you want to succeed at things, even if it's long term things, he says first thing,

you must work out a plan. So you plan your work and you figure out what you've got to do, the steps you must take to get to the eventual goal and you realize medium-term goals, some short-term goals, you can do today in long term, what the actual goal or the achievement is going to be. And once you've planned your work, then you work your plan.

Then you start going to work at it and you make adjustments as you go. It doesn't have to be perfect or absolute because life happens and things happen. But as long as you keep moving in that direction, progress is being made. And that is one of the things that keeps us in the sense on track or on the path, so to speak, is having the discipline to continue. And even if you take a break, people say it's okay. In this book, it says that taking a break sometimes is backsliding, especially when it's a fear born thing. But if it's something that you must wait, because

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the nature of the goal that you're achieving requires that you wait because it's a timing thing. That means that you're timing your hiatus within the space.

that the timing requires and that's not backsliding, especially if you're staying prepared and looking forward and making sure you have the things or don't lack things that you need to take the next step once timing allows for you to start moving forward. So it just depends on how you look at it. Now, another thing, whenever we're looking at the idea of self-regulation, so what's this whole fear and anxiety thing about that we're dealing with societally? Well, we realize that everyone is anxious.

every human being that ever lived that had any kind of impulse in the body to continue to thrive and live has a diaphragm that has a reflexive signal that whenever I was learning anatomy, thought was the most fascinating detail and that little electronic signal electronic, our bio neural signal that says diaphragm drop so we can breathe. That's anxiety, that sense of needing to breathe, but it's not excessive. It's just what's needed for our mechanism to

to fire and then for our organism to be able to breathe and draw air full lobes of air in our lungs. And that's a cool thing. Whenever we talk about the popular media, we hear about excessive anxiety, clinical level anxiety, and we have medicalized a state of being that is adaptive. Anxiety tells you you're adapting to something that is otherwise stressful. Environment is stressing me too much, too much information, not enough answers to

the that are being asked of me as an individual that's trying to survive within an environment that may be uncomfortable. So this is really important to know there is excessive anxiety, there is clinical level anxiety, and then there's just the reflexive anxiety signal that says breathe. And the most natural one is the one that reflects is the diaphragm. Excessive anxiety or elevated anxiety just says that you're an environment that requires you to fight, flee, or move, or remove yourself, or isolate yourself away.

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from such things that would cause you stress. And it's not anything that has to be necessarily dangerous to your organism, but a level of stress that actually might tax your capacity, especially at end of the day. If you do not have physical energy, enough glucose to fuel what it is, that's called activity, physical activity, skeletal muscle activity, even organ function for that matter that may tire out that requires you to take a nap maybe midday. And that's kind of a human thing. Or maybe that you don't have enough fuel to be able to think with clarity and cognitive

Ignition is a difficult thing. whenever we're using fuel just to do fundamental things that are metabolic, if you stay still and literally do not move, you will lose weight if you don't even get up to eat. Within a day, you will lose weight from hour one to hour 24 by just laying there and not doing anything and just letting the body metabolically function without necessarily any physical skeletal muscle engagement. So we're burning fuel all the time. So whenever we're thinking about

cost of dealing with those things that causes fear when we have elevated anxiety, we're burning a higher level of fuel, a greater quantity of fuel as a result of the stress that's telling us be on alert.

And if we have chronic stress, where we're looking at something more clinically measurable, then we're looking at a level of stress that is unremitting, that we're talking the largest percentage of every week. You're anxious, not only anxious, but nervous and unable to be around people. Maybe you start having the behaviors wherever you start looking left and right over your shoulder, because your vision is narrowing closer to tunnel vision versus the broad spectrum, peripheral openness that happens when you're at most calm and most comfortable and when your assumption of safety is met.

So, succeeding and fear of success have a lot to do with states of body that give us anxiety and stress that will release, that's what we call them, as a result. And we have to remember that we're adapting to our environment, the stresses and the stressors of our environment. Anxiety is an adaptive.

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response in our body. It's not unhealthy, it's only unhealthy when it's one excessive and one chronic, but it's not so much that the response is unhealthy, even though the impact can burn a lot of fuel and make you feel like hell.

It's the environment that triggers that chronically that is unhealthy and that's where removal of self is really important from that environment. And we can talk about the thought process some other time that may arise as a result of needing to get out of there. Some of it may resemble self-injurious or even self-deleting type things. So things to think about.

But beyond that, what I just wanted to touch upon today was fear of failure, fear of success. And sometimes the fear of loss is really what drives. And in animals, whenever there is a token economy that's developed among the higher primates, there is shared resource. But when there's limited resource, whenever there's a perceived sense of there's no limitation of resource, that

a limitation of resource versus no limits on resource, we tend to have higher levels of aggression and we see higher levels of violence that occur, but also incredibly higher levels of anxiety and perceived sense of environmental stress and overwhelm. And what are my environmental cues is a question I'm going to ask you that might trigger my stress, my worry.

Or maybe make me feel really tired and angry or worried, or maybe make me feel like I can't get away from stress and makes me want to hide, or may make me want to seek things to make me feel better or change how I feel. Cause I'm feeling like hell right now. And that's something we'll be addressing further in other podcasts. And this idea of fear of, and what are the types of fear, fear of loss, fear of success, fear of failure. Also.

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We have to understand that those are just merely variations on the fear itself and fear is a natural reaction. It's okay to have it when it's excessive and chronic. It can become very damaging to a human body. So for today, just some thoughts on fear. And this is just, once again, just a leading and a discussion and discussion into further podcasts that we're going to be talking about fear response and different aspects of that and how we self-regulate. But self-regulation requires that we know what the

problem is what is it that we're trying to regulate so we can move forward and actually manage it and mitigate the effects and become better and survive, thrive and win in our environment.

So for now, I appreciate your time. Thank you for listening to me on this lovely Thursday evening. And I certainly hope to hear from you. you have any questions of me, please send them to the email at running man, get skills project at Gmail. I'd love to hear from you. And also if you go to YouTube and see my channel, please like subscribe and share, and please share that. It'd be wonderful. helps algorithm, but also helps the channel grow as well. And just know that you can find this

podcast on all platforms you can find your podcast on. And there are quite a few international listeners and I'm really kind of tickled about that. I'm glad to be talking to you. It's nice to know there are people out there that listen to this, but on top of that, please share it with people that you think may benefit. We have 123 podcasts out there right now and a few videos, and there's going to be some more that we're adding once we start our interview aspect. And that's going to be shortly coming in. Thank you very much. Once again, take care, walk well.