Your Brain Changes Under Threat: The Hidden Psychology of Conflict

Ep 149. Resistance and conflict do not always begin in the external world.

Often, the greatest conflict occurs within us—through the interaction between external stressors and our internal emotional landscape. Fear, anxiety, perceived threat, traumatic memories, and uncertainty all influence how we interpret and respond to the world around us.

In moments of stress, the way we manage ourselves often reflects the state of our nervous system more than the reality of the situation itself.

When pressure rises, human beings naturally seek safety, control, and resolution. In many situations, we have the opportunity to choose how we engage conflict:

• We can react emotionally
 • We can respond strategically
 • Or we can regulate ourselves and remain centered under pressure

But when stress or threat appears suddenly, the brain shifts rapidly into survival mode.

At that point, our neurological survival programs begin to override higher reasoning processes. The nervous system prioritizes speed, efficiency, and self-preservation over social grace, emotional nuance, or careful deliberation. Perception narrows. Choices become limited. Survival becomes more important than appearance.

This is why people under intense stress may appear rude, reactive, aggressive, or emotionally rigid.

The rational mind is partially offline.

The problem is that many people approach conflict from a force-against-force mindset. This often escalates tension, increases resistance, and creates mutually destructive outcomes where nobody truly wins.

But true power is not always force.

Real influence comes from regulation, presence, awareness, and strategic alignment.

When we maintain our center under pressure, we create the possibility for a different kind of resolution—one based not on domination, but on understanding, adaptability, and controlled response. In many cases, resistance begins to dissolve the moment another person no longer feels threatened by our presence or intent.

This is the distinction between:

• Force — reactive, emotional, survival-driven
• Power — calm, intentional, strategic, regulated

Power does not need to overpower.

It influences. It stabilizes. It redirects.

Through self-regulation and awareness, conflict becomes less about defeating others and more about maintaining integrity while navigating difficulty effectively.

The strongest person in the room is often the one who can remain centered when others cannot.

Train your nervous system.
 Regulate your response.
 Choose power over force.

Take care. Walk well.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Welcome back, folks, to episode 149 of the Running Man Self-Regulation Skills Project podcast with me, your host, Dr. Armando Dominguez, PhD in health psychology, licensed professional counselor, and an adjunct professor at a local community college. And what we're going to be discussing today is going to be approach to conflict. And this is something that is quite in the heart of self-regulation because not all conflict uh occurs outside of ourselves with another person. Sometimes it is within ourselves, and these methods of self-regulation, note the term in quotes, self, uh, has to do with how I manage, how I incur stress as a result of whatever environmental stress, but also the internal environmental stressors that may go up as a result of how I perceive things to be on the outside from all my senses, but also how I conceive them to be, how my thoughts come along, but also how I believe them to be as a result of those two, and in many cases, that may or may not be fully accurate due to whatever lack of evidence or support I may have to the belief that I may be taken on, or to the contrary, that that I'm trying to counter. So whenever we discuss approach to conflict, we're going to be discussing not only strategics in a sense, not anything complex, but also we're going to be using metaphor because often the quickness of how we think often comes from our visual cortical sense. And how we tend to respond to that has to do with how compelling that image may be. And this is going back to our infernal lemon that I talk about all the time, in the sense that if we think about a lemon or even biting into a lemon or thinking about a favorite food, that's enough to create gastric juice flow in our stomach to cause us to have salivation for that matter, based on an image of a thought of some lemon that may have been not maybe not the first lemon we ever saw in our life, but maybe the 10,000 and one lemon, if you want to say it that way. I'm totally being a butt. But uh the reason I'm saying it that way is I want it to stick. The 10,000 and first lemon, more correctly, may or may not have been numbered. It could have been. I wouldn't say that we count every single thing. But assuming that it's not even the first one, but yet just the image of it, the recollection of it is enough to cause you to salivate, that's very compelling. And enough for your body, your survival body, that is the nonverbal uh signal interpretation level of brain that's pre-verbal. It's not even at the rational sense, is enough to cause the body to go into reaction. And think about fight, flight, the PTSD reactivity that we have. Uh, not only is the recollection inaccurate, it tends to be hyper-focused on a detail that my brain, for whatever reason, focused particularly on, and that is what may trigger a response that can cause me to go into the elevated heart rate, sympathetic tone, blood flow going to the muscles, and feeling like everything is not only dangerous but threatening to me. And there may be voice elevation, but also inability to rationalize and recognize whenever there are peace signals there because everything is considered a threat by default. And that can be problematic. So, in that vein, what we're going to do once again is discuss well, how do I interact with conflict? Do I determine what is conflict by how I'm feeling, what is happening outside of me, and also what are their approaches to conflict? And we're going to use some metaphorical representations that can give us an idea as to how to approach conflict from the visual cortex up in the sense that we have an idea that may help us speed along before the rational ever comes to pass in some senses. So they're quick methods of dealing with things that will help alleviate or mitigate whatever level of stress we may experience. Now, what I just stated a moment ago, that's a lot to deliver on, and let me show you how we're going to do it. Uh, most of these methods are practices that stem from martial art training. And uh the reason I say that specifically, it doesn't mean that it doesn't apply to everyday life. It does, because if we were to take a punch or kick and interpret that, rather translate it as an everyday activity, such as maybe I'm going to the copy machine, I run into to Alice or Al or whomever, and I am dealing with a tense situation wherever they're hogging the copying machine, for instance, that would be your punch, right? And they're trying to attack you by doing what's stopping you from doing your work. And let's say yours is uh high priority and they're not in any big hurry and they're they're really not under the pressure you are. Does that mean that you have to wait your turn? Well, in many cases, yes. But at the same time, sometimes we have to be able to advocate for ourselves, and that requires a little leverage. And not so much a block that we would throw up, but maybe a deflection could be uh letting them know what the time bind would be on your end, and that would be advocacy right there. But if we were to put a shape uh attuned to an action, for instance, I'm going in and telling them I need this uh this copy machine. If we were to look at Al, for instance, as a block or a square, and they're standing within that, that means there's four sides and there's stability, and probably maybe in that stability we have a mindset that doesn't want to shift. I want to do what I'm doing first. I got here first, this sort of thing. And that's kind of an unchanging attitude. So we'd call that the block or the square shape. So that means that there's stability, not unlike a building block we'd use to build a wall, so to speak. And then we'd say Al is asking for help uh would be the triangle. The triangle has a point to it, it's going a direction the direction is forward. What is that forward point she's trying to get to in the sense that she is that triangle? Once again, keep this in your mind. That is going to be her goal of trying to get things done on time because she's on a time bind and Al isn't necessarily, but he may not want to bend, so to speak. So therefore, that wall or that block tends to rebuff or stop her intent or her attempt to try to get her work done. So the options that we're going to look at are well, how can we approach this? One advocacy is helpful, drawing Al out of that centered space within his block or within his wall, so to speak, and allowing him to meet at the wall wherever the piercing point of that triangle is where it meets Al and his resistance, if we want to call it that. And this is where parley occurs. This is where we advocate, where we talk. And he may be in his center and be willing to say, okay, I have things to do, but yeah, I think I can wait. That would be a centered response in the sense that she does not have to penetrate into his space to create influence. So therefore they met at the wall or at the endpoints of their shape, so to speak, and they were able to parlay and discuss. And this is strategically a really sound thing. And let's say that Al at this point he capitulates and says, Okay, well, I I can finish this for right now and I'll come back and finish the remainder. I'm not in a big hurry. Um, it seems like you need this more than I do right now. So yeah, we'll let you take the the next ride. So that's fine. But uh, what if he were to have resisted and said, No, I was here first, I'll get done when I get done. And um then you realize how much he tells you how much he's got to do. It's like, hey, I'm gonna be on a timeline that I'm gonna miss if you do all of that and I don't have access to this and I don't have to copy that much anyway. And Alice may be getting a little miffed in word. That means she has the triangle shape telling him about it. He's resistant completely, but also not allowing for any par parlay. So there that that means that there's not going to be any true negotiation, and she may have to escalate. So if she wants to take the escalation factor and penetrate into his space or his awareness, she's let's say talks to the boss, say, Hey, he's not letting me do this, I need to get this done. And that means she just stepped above his head. And that is not necessarily correct or incorrect, but it's an option within the realm of what we can do if we must, depending on the severity of the situation, right? But that's kind of how it is. So another way that could have been dealt with uh as far as the situation goes is that there's the circular shape, and this is what we'll call um the parlay aspect, which is the negotiation, but also keeps drawing both of them in without really feeling that sense of resistance. But if let's say Al were to push back and say, no, I'm gonna stay here, and it's too bad you should have gotten here sooner if you knew you had something, that kind of thing, and she could just very easily get upset and go over his head, or she could go the parlay effect, it's like, hey, um, I need this done. And she could actually maybe even use a little deception, but you know, I did know about this, but I had things happen because I had a certain case coming up, so therefore, you know, I wasn't able to get here on time. And I'm sorry about that. Can you help me? And it might not be true at all, but this is drawing him out of his centered resistance and pulling him into her state of influence, no longer the triangle to take in the circle instead, and leading that around wherever it is she wants to go, maintaining her ideal and center, I still got to get this done within a time frame. And that is more like a spinning or turning technique. Uh Aikido calls that technique tenkan or turning or wheel technique. And the terminology is not all that important as far as in the Japanese term, but rather just understanding that sometimes not meeting force with force or resisting whenever someone's coming in on the line, you don't want to go and bury your chest to the point of a sword. Don't want to do that. Once again, we're using metaphor today. But what we might want to do is deflect or spin or turn, kind of like a ballerina would, and that resistance is running into a door they think is locked, and when actuality it's not, and it just flings open, and they keep going off, shooting off into space, and you're just kind of they're watching them as they bypass you, kind of doing a matador effect if necessary. Not all conflict is like that, but it is once again metaphorical, and it gives us an idea as to well, how do I approach conflict? How do I deal with this? And this has a lot to do with self-regulation. Notice we said the word I. That means I'm paying attention to how I respond to things, but also how things are being thrust upon me, so to speak, or whenever I run into resistance, how do I choose to respond? Do I choose to try to break down and go ahead head on and go force on force, which isn't always a smart thing. It's useful once in a while, but not in all cases. Whereas maybe I'm the block and I'm going to maintain my center and not change, not because I'm stubborn, it's just because it's practical and useful, and that's okay. I can also change my shape, the sense that I want to move forward. That means I have to leave my relative sense of stability to be able to take steps in the direction of the goal I need to take. That means that there's going to be some unknown factor at some point that I'll run into that I have to address, deal with, avoid, or maybe overcome somehow. And that's kind of the thing that happens. Now, were we to take the the pacifist perspective, the do nothing option? Sometimes doing nothing is the best thing we can do. In some cases, that works really well, but do nothing is not the path of no resistance, which means you're just a drifter, and everything that happens outside of you drives you, but rather the path of least resistance, meaning you only apply appropriate amount of resistance at necessary points, and sometimes even changing how we approach resisting, because it doesn't mean no resistance at all, because there is a measure of resistance that I meet, just be able to hold the shape that I have, that attitude, that perspective, that belief once again. So these are just once again metaphors for approach, and we're gonna cover a couple of them. And I gave you a kind of an in-depth idea as to what it looks like in a day-to-day office environment. Now I'm gonna point that out more so in a potential physical environment. All right, so the next paradigm is going to be if we're in a situation, let's say out in public, and there's a potential for running into resistance of this sort, let's say I remember whenever there was a certain thing going on where people had to wear uh face masks and God knows what else and maintain certain social distances that there was a limitation on certain types of paper. And I'm laughing and I'm saying it that way on purpose because it's been many years, but I remember just having to unnecessarily we all had to participate in that, especially we shop in public places, and there are certain things that were limited, not all of us could go around shopping online and having stuff delivered to us, and uh not everyone sheltered in place perfectly because not everybody agreed to that idea. But um the thing is there there were some differences, there there were some peculiarities that we had to adjust to, and adjust we did as a whole, as a country. But as individuals, there was impact, and there was a lot of impact beyond any potential illness, and there were those that were becoming ill, but there are many that did not, and there are those that actually succumbed to the social pressure and are no longer here as a result. So there were different levels of conflict when that occurred, but uh that is nothing new to the human experience, but there is also something that has to be pointed out in that often when we're out in public, whenever there are those sorts of stressors, we tend to have uh a higher level of vigilance occurring, a baseline vigilance that's higher than normal. That means we tend to be a little more apt to interpret body language signals and tonals much differently, and we may be less apt to trust that which is trustworthy because we just can't see it for what it is. Now, I will give you a couple of things having to do with heart rate. Whenever a heart rate is at its base, assuming you're in general average health, we usually have between about 78 to about uh 80 some odd beats per minute at rest. And active rest, I would say, if we were seated and doing something, roughly about the same. We're mostly sedentary as a community as a as a whole now in the world. But if you get up and do exercise, and uh just did uh 110 push-ups earlier with my um my push-up band, and I love doing that because it it maintains um some resistance for me and support for my shoulder, but also elevates my heart rate. But getting that variability from seated at about, let's say, 70 or 68 beats per minute, get it to jump up and down, that's what you want. Heart rate variability that helps us be more flexible under stress, and this is a really quiet underlying element within that. But when the heart rate goes up, the perception of stress goes up because our blood pressure goes up, our heat and our body goes up, our blood flow starts moving more quickly because we are technically in a situation where our body feels like it needs to be moving, walking, or at least feeling like there's a sense of egress or space in which to get away from where the immediate stress is. Even if there's no danger, the perception of stress is often correlated with the conception of what is dangerous or unknown. And that can be enough for us to stress out to a degree that we become very uh snappy socially. We may not be sociable at all or lose some of our sociability that otherwise we're able to uh interact with rather comfortably, assuming our assumption of safety is met, where we feel like we're not under threat or potentially uh around threatening things that could turn on us very quickly. If we meet that sense of uh safety, then we tend to be a little better at it. But once again, during that time we were a little more tense generally, and when we're out in public, that imposed sense of distance also that distance is one wherever it's two arms length plus six inches, it tells us we're safe. And if somebody removed on us, we got space and distance to protect us a little bit as long as we keep that minimal distance, that's good. But uh that also meant that when somebody trips past that six foot to about two and a half to three feet, that means they could touch us. The threat wasn't only illness, it was physical. Uh, sometimes things did get physical, especially when there was a lack of resources, the paper I mentioned earlier. And what we have to pay attention to is that our environmental cues often will inform us to the degree that things look a certain way that we may interpret as truth versus it being fact, and sometimes we realize too late that sometimes it was just a facade, it only looked that way and it wasn't true, and we make mistakes as a result of the errors we make by trusting the environment and its evidence too strongly. We have to be more centered, and when we lose center, then we lose our capacity to reason well, one, under stress, two, within a physical altercation, uh, and three, uh, our ability to recognize whenever enough is enough that we have to stop or maybe change direction, it gets a lot more difficult because we tend to be locked on more of uh in the direction of what it action we're taking. And this is one thing I want to point out that usually when there's a level of stress, and this is something I point out in my running man book that will it should be out within the next couple of weeks in print on Amazon, really happy about that. But I really distinctly point out is that whenever we have that level of tension and stress, when we're in an argument, an altercation, I want you to do some self-reflection here. Remember the last time wherever there was a sense of urgency that came up, like there was something that had to be done. When there is nothing that indicates that necessarily because you're not in danger, but yet you have this sense of urgency that you have to do. The only do that we have to do is create space. Sometimes that's taking a step back, maybe moving by saying, Hey, can we do this in a little while walking away and uh actually breaking contact if you can. Not all circumstances allow for that, but whenever there is something like that, don't turn your back and leave. It's often interpreted as disrespectful, and it turns on the predatory response and the people that you may be arguing with. And there are some people that will reach out and turn your shoulder around and say, hey, nobody turns their back on me like that. It's like, okay, that didn't physically do anything to you, but that may actually incite somebody to get physical, so you have to be careful back out and keep eye contact to the degree you can, and maybe not making eye contact directly, but maybe even lowering your eyes, like, hey, I'll be back in a little bit. We'll talk about this in a while. But don't be making any unnecessary aggressive eye contact for sure. But uh some things to pay attention to is that we have this belief that arises within stress, especially we get hyper-vigilant, that there is a need to act or do when in actuality that's not true. Notice I said not true, not factual, I didn't say, said not true because we take it as a truth versus a fact based on level of stress and also environmental cues. We misinterpret. We're more apt to misinterpret because our frontal lobe goes offline and we don't have as much fuel carrying blood sugar to do the deeper levels of thinking because those parts of our prefrontal cortex are now a little drier than what they used to be. But boy, we're a lot stronger. If we were to look in the mirror and flex, we'd be a lot more swollen and pumped. We'd be great in a bodybuilding contest, we'd be a lot stronger, but we wouldn't be as smart. And not that bodybuilders aren't smart, not saying that at all. But notice the jump that I made in reasoning there, how quickly it was, and it was just a concept, but it's one that often is assumed because then we become self-conscious, self-centric, we become egocentric, we become very sensitive as to what people are looking at, and then we jump to the conclusion of what are you looking at? Why do you judge me? Why aren't you listening to me? Why are you doing that? And don't talk to me that way. And even whenever we're speaking to somebody in an even tone, if we are not matching their tone and level, which would be us arguing and and fighting at a higher volume, they take that as an offense because they become very self-conscious about how they are. And by default, what they're trying to do is encourage their own safety of environment, not realizing that what they're really doing is trying to have somebody make them feel safe, or have someone or the group indicate that they are safe because they're with them, not feeling alone or isomorphically just themselves, or I would say solipsically, the world revolves around them, not in the everybody loves me sense, but rather that it's all against me. Almost like on the point within the circle in the circle, and its contents are all pointing at me. That that is one of the things that people that have extreme anxiety talk about. I see people's eyes, and we track that very, we're very sensitive to motion, especially to whether eyes are looking our direction, even if they're not, but they're moving. We tend to key on the motion, we tend to pay attention, and our eyes are that sensitive. And you, I'm not talking about high clarity, high depth 3D, where you can read words on a page. Our eyes at the peripheral aren't the part we read with, but they pick up motion. We we are very sensitive to eyes moving, and we tend to interpret it as everyone's looking at me, and that's just verbalizing that sense of vulnerability I'm experiencing. So these are important things to pay attention to, but there's always that compelling belief of I have to do something and I have to act, and we tend to believe what it is that we're saying, and we tend to negate anything that we hear because we can't trust anyone outside of us. Why am I going to trust what you're saying? And I'm adding a lot of narrative to this, but the feeling of it is much more distinct, much more powerful, very visceral, and can be a little scary to be around if you're not familiar or comfortable. And it can seem not only threatening, but it can also seem like no matter what you do, if you were to move, even if you speak in a in a way that's calm, it tends to be offensive and they think that they're just being placated and they feel disrespected because you're you're babying them. You're just saying what they want and they're not understanding. that it's their arousal that's making them misinterpret something that could be absolutely genuine and and helpful, but they just can't connect because they feel unsafe. So that's a very distinctly powerful situation that you don't want to be in unnecessarily, uh, if you don't have to be, but at the same time, if you must, we have to be aware that we don't want to mirror that because often our mirror neurons will reflect to us uh how it is that our environment is. And if somebody's reflecting something to us that is not happening in me, then I become very defensive and I feel very isolated. But it's not because you're isolating them. That is just a perception because I'm looking for tribe. We're wired to the group within the group there are numbers and within those numbers there are safety. And if I don't have safety that is a very physiologically real experience to have that has no comfort or or any kind of respite within it. Now what I'm going to do is I'm going to actually point out a few metaphors that are helpful to help us generate an idea or a sense of approach towards not only conflict but dealing with things that could be considered in quotes resistance versus being actual conflict but uh things that may be difficult and how can I approach this and it's it's a problem solving strategic approach and that's an important thing. Now there are some things that occur within a human life that we will call let's say challenging we'll call it difficult. We'll call it uh something that is unknown but yet it is not easy to understand because I don't have the answers or I'm not familiar. So unknowns having to do with challenge difficulty and and being able to overcome those types of resistance so to speak not really resistance and not letting us do things but rather uh us not having the answers to overcome these things and and that's a learning experience. Learning isn't always a linear process of just swallowing information all of a sudden ding I'm better I know more now. Sometimes the knowing more comes from the experience from the the failing forward in failures okay it's not a permanent state and it's not a character defect what it is it's part of process to where we learn and get better. So with these ideas in mind let's talk about these metaphors of approach strategic approach to conflict and resistance now the first one uh this does come from the martial art I studied and um the first one is going to be what we call mutual destruction or mutual slaying and this sounds like two swordsmen cutting at each other at the same time and both of them cut successfully but they they both die as a result of their wounds. So that is not beneficial and that's where we go head to head power on power and the stronger power generally even if they do uh kill the other person so to speak if we must call it that they wind up getting injured in in the conflict as well and well what happens is they eventually die too so there's really no winner. One just did not win as fast as the other so to speak so we have two losers when we do that. So the the mutual destruction of mutual sling is not the best and this is a often associated with hatred and uh can be uh one of self-sacrifice wherever you're trying to sacrifice for let's say you're protecting somebody but they may take me down but I'm gonna take them with me. And often the terms that you know you may send me to hill but you're coming with me. I'm gonna take you as my friend. We're going together uh and that might sound poetic but it's probably not the finest of ways to approach stress one to conflict three life or death situations if you must but uh still it is probably the most sacrificial of looked at uh with a positive uh perspective but also from the negative perspective is probably the least intelligent if you have an option or other options available but often we will go to that if we're in a high degree of fight flight wherever heart rate goes up and our breathing changes to wherever we're in sympathetic tone and we have less of our rational capacity it makes sense that we would default to that and sometimes we do. This is also sometimes called the the Wolverine response wherever somebody talks about feeling backed in the corner and if you do that I'm gonna come out fighting and there's no guarantee but they're gonna protect themselves down to their dying birth and that's something to keep in mind. Now the next approach is called receive and return. So whenever one does receive return if one is receiving a push or a punch one basically does get pushed but one gives back what one is getting so it becomes a circle you transfer the force within the body and then you push them back with equal amount of power or if you want to be like Santa Claus and bear gibbs give them a little more and that's always generous right so in the karmic sense maybe not but the the idea is if somebody's pushing you with three units of power then you push back with three then you are doing receive return if somebody calls you bad names and you call them bad names that is a receive return option right there. No damage done in the truest sense but uh one could be doing something that could be hurtful mentally emotionally and physically but you also return it back well they hit me so I hit them back and there is no mutual destruction but there is pain. So there's possibly an injury that goes on there. So that is not the highest level of uh self-defense so to speak whether it be in the boardroom or in the physical sense but it is one that is viable and it works but also it's also one wherever somebody's a little stronger the one the other one's a little weaker or ill or injured the most injured or weaker one will probably take the the short end of the stick on that. This next approach to conflict and also resistance is one that's called join and unite and this is probably the most useful in the sense that there is the least amount of damage to either one but also it's one where we were talking about the circle in parlay earlier wherever we may spin and send the force of what they're applying towards us in a direction outside of us but also we're kind of sticking to it we're holding the hand and guiding them in the direction around us don't hurt me but at the same time we're not hurting them either we're just letting them continue. Sometimes we may be letting somebody vent and we listen we don't have to agree with what they're saying but we certainly are there and holding our space in center and not taking offense or taking things personally but we're realizing that they're actually just venting because they become overwhelmed. Sometimes we will walk not a mile in someone else's shoes but we're walking next to them facing the same direction in a non-conflicting sense and we turn something that is a directed conflict towards me to one wherever we're shoulder to shoulder and walk in the same direction and that's supportive. And that is one wherever we can actually from a centered perspective not lose our center they not lose their identity and center either but they also get the benefit of support and relief of stress and this is one of the the higher minded perspectives on how to deal with resolution resolution uh in particular conflict resolution and also with resistance. The next approach is rather interesting in that um it's not really so much an approach but rather a result but yet it's one of the strategic outcomes depending on how we arrive and if we know information that is helpful to someone else and they know information that's helpful to us but I don't know it. But yet when we come together with this expectation of resistance or conflict and then all of a sudden there's an instant resolution that means that once we arrive things become not only obvious but uh there is no conflict because it looks like we're on the same side trying to fix the same problem and you have the parts that I'm missing I have the parts that you're missing and all of a sudden we're all good to go. We create a hole and that is where we are encompassed in the whole or the circle so to speak as a unity as part of community and that is a wonderful option with which to think about things strategically doesn't always happen but generally that's the goal of problem solving in business in many cases to be able to increase sales for that matter but also whenever we're dealing with people trying to find out well how can I learn what do I have to learn and if there's an information exchange we have just created something new that's that hole once again so the next part and this is really kind of interesting this is the fifth strategic shape and uh it's called heaven shape and even if you believe or don't believe it's the term the idea so we were to conceptualize the idea of heaven that means according to the Taoist uh Chinese writings that nothing can stand against heaven that means coming in in a way that's not overpowering by being muscular this is not force but rather aligning with power and um Dr. Hawkins in his book Power vs force indicates this rather beautifully in that if we have an alignment with power true power then there is no resistance there's nothing that could come up against that and it will always be overcome. Whereas we're being forceful that means our muscular capacity our aggression our thoughts as an individual going against something that is a problem but yet I can't put it together against us because it's too big then I'm going against power that's aligned or heaven shape or heaven's uh response and and that's okay. The idea is that sometimes we will be in that position where we're aligned not necessarily with a penultimate good we can call it that and this isn't necessarily an ethical moral thing but it can be but when we align with heaven so to speak there is no resistance and the it's futile kind of like the Borg you you will all be assimilated resistance is futile. And in this case yes yes it is resistance is futile it'd be a waste of effort but these are some ideas once again that we can use to approach not only conflict but conflict resolution and also self-directed questions about well how do I approach resistance and conflict because not all conflict is fighting conflict sometimes are where the ideas or the concepts that we have of how to live a life how to do a life and how do I comport myself relative to people that interact with things that I do like job and life, hobbies this sort of thing and even creativity for that matter. So this is pretty much a large idea that we're kind of working into a podcast that continues to move through self-regulation skills and is something that I like to teach on occasion especially whenever we're dealing with uh people that may be seeking help in social work or seeking assistance within a social paradigm out in public or maybe if we're trying to make a difference in what it is that we're doing. Just want to tell you thank you for passing this uh Sunday morning early afternoon with me today we have a holiday I have an extra day off tomorrow and I did not podcast last week I had quite a busy week closing semesters and doing other things too with family but here I am back again with episode 149 and I want to tell you thank you for your listenership and thank you for sharing this podcast and please go to YouTube and patronize my YouTube channel I'd like to see that grow and share it with people that you know that may benefit from this podcast. I also want to tell you thank you for just being part of my way here in July we're gonna be at three years podcasting I really enjoy this process and the running mad book will be out soon and I will let you know on on the podcast whenever that is released but this is going to be encompassing largely what I teach on this podcast but also is going to show you the how to of what it is that happens what the thoughts are what the feelings are that go on when we're in the face of conflict in the face of fight flight and uh it is not jargon heavy and it is for everyday people that like to read about self-help to better themselves this shows you how it doesn't teach you about it but it shows you how to do it instead and uh it's broken down into bits and pieces that can be done easily and not necessarily in an order per se that necessarily has to happen a certain way but it'll be beneficial and uh I guarantee you one thing is that if you apply these principles it will make a difference in how well you not only self-regulate but also how much quality of life you get in higher quantities and that's my goal and uh that's the idea we want to alleviate suffering and that's why I'm doing this uh publication but here soon it'll be out I'll let you know when and if you could patronize that that would be phenomenal I'd love to see you pass that on to people and thank you again take care what shape are you square triangle circle it's a good question right walk well