Why Anxiety Makes You Hide Yourself (And Why It's Important to Be Seen)

Have you ever avoided a photo… then years later wished you were in it?

In this episode Sammy and Nat continue the conversation around body image, but this time through a personal lens.

Because body image isn’t always about weight or appearance.

Sometimes it’s:

•  hiding behind other people in photos 
•  avoiding swimming pools and beaches 
•  obsessing over angles and clothing 
•  saying “I’ll take the photo instead” 
•  shrinking yourself before you even walk into a room 

We unpack the subtle ways anxiety and nervous system dysregulation can shape the way we see ourselves… and how these behaviours quietly steal moments, memories, confidence, and connection.

We also explore:
 ✨ The link between anxiety, safety, and body image
 ✨ Why so many women avoid being seen
 ✨ Photos, mirrors & hyper-awareness
 ✨ The hidden messages kids absorb about bodies
 ✨ Why body image is often about protection, not vanity
 ✨ The grief of realising how much life we miss while trying to hide

This episode is honest, vulnerable, reflective, and one that so many people will quietly relate to.

Because the goal was never to become smaller.

It was to finally feel safe enough to be seen.

🎧 Follow, share, and tag us with your reflections from this episode.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Hey, it's Emmy and Natalie here, and welcome to the Anxiety Company. Where anxiety isn't the enemy, it's our tour guide. We'll swap stories, share tools, and have a laugh while we find our way back to true north. Come along. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Anxiety Compass. How are you, Nat? I'm really good, Sammy. How are you? I'm alright. I have a bit of a husky voice today. I don't know what is going on with my body, but I just my whole life I have never really gotten sick. And just this year, I don't know what's in the air, I have managed to pick up another cold. So are you got my sexy voice on today, everyone? Hello. Um, it probably doesn't help that I've I get paid to speak. And so plus also don't forget, it is early in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

I mean, we were recording this at 7 a.m. So you know our voices aren't weren't warmed up yet either.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

I know. Warming up my voice. So if you uh listened to our uh last guest episode with Ellen Tootsie, did I say that right? Tutsi. Uh I loved that last night. It's very cute. Yes. We were talking about body image uh and anxiety. And after we hit um stopped recording, Nat and I and um Ellen had so much more to say. It was such a a deep, interesting conversation. We were sharing personal stories about body image that we've seen or experienced. And Nat and I decided that we would do another episode on this um and basically talking more about the things that we're missing out on life while trying to hide ourselves. Uh, because when we can't control things, we tend to hide because we can control hiding, right, Nat? Yeah, we can control leaving control. It's one of the things we can control, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

So or perception of control.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

Yeah, that's it, that's exactly it. The key word there is perception. So yeah, I I think when we hear the terms body image, a lot of people think it's uh struggles with uh dieting and food when it goes so much more further than that. Like we see more of the the food side with being nutritionists, uh, but when we touched a little bit deeper on that conversation, it hit so many things. And some of them which we mentioned, we'll go through a few of them, and I wonder if our listeners can relate to some of these either themselves or with a family member or a friend. Um, but one of the key things we talked about was refusing to be in photos. Yeah. Is that something? Yeah. Is that something you have done personally yourself, Nat? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

The there's a decade, a whole decade where I don't exist pretty much. Wow, there's like a couple, maybe three or four photos that I'm in. It was when I was at my sickest, and I uh you know, as I've mentioned before, I also had anorexia nervosa, and I was at my sickest then, and yeah, there's just no photos because you know photos don't hide.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

You can't hide in photos, snapshot, and it could be as well.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Yeah, and I looked like skeletal photos, yeah. I mean, I you know, it's such a typical thing with especially like with anorexia nervosa, and you look in the mirror and you can't see how unwell you are, but photos show something else, and so and I did, I you know, I looked terrible, like I looked like skeletal. I was so I would hide, I would just not be in photos, which is the complete opposite of me normally, you know. You and I, Sammy, are very similar, you know, we've got a background in performing, and you know, we're like, oh, I'm very exuberant and big and yay! And I was always in photos with my mouth wide open and yay! And then there's this decade where I just did not want to be seen. Gosh.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

And I find that really interesting because I mean the I mean, this day and age with social media, I get tagged in photos. I'm like, oh, that's the worst photo. I can't believe someone tagged me in the photo. Isn't we people taking photos of you? I know whenever I get tagged in photos, I I they're the worst photos. But they look great, so that's all that matters, right? I like how it says, you know, you can approve to put it on your on your but still, like you can't like on another angle, like you this day and age, it's it's harder to avoid photos. Um but I I said to my mum once, um, because she went through a phase, well, she still does, is not comfortable with photos. I think maybe it's an older generational thing because they're not used to being behind the camera so much, whereas the younger generation constantly takes photos of themselves. True. But my mum, I don't know if that's a thing, I'm making that up, but it sounds like a thing. But my mum, um she was not in a lot of photos, and I said to her once, mate, your grandchildren will not think that you exist, like because you're refusing it the I I force myself to be in photos with my children all the time because you know I'm usually the one behind the camera, but I I get my mum to go in and I know she's so uncomfortable, but I try and take the best possible angle so to show her how beautiful she is because you know, yeah, anyone can look terrible at a photo if you take the wrong.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

And look, mums tend to be the one you know, my mum passed away 18 months ago, and when we were collating the photos for the funeral, there's not that many photos of mum because mum was always the one taking the photos. Yeah, you know, and so and yeah, I've it deepened my grief at the time because there was no images of mum.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

Yeah, and I find like my my grandmother's in a uh like she got dementia, and she's in a home, and I make her albums with all of the kids, all of the grandkids, all of her all of her children, and those memories, like the pictures, trigger memories for her. She might not remember those people, like just from memory, but the pictures are what trigger those memories for her.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

Yeah, my mum was the same because she had Alzheimer's as well. And we actually had put into her room actually a photo of her parents when they were younger. So because she she could even though she didn't look at it and go, Oh, there's mum and dad. Yeah, but she it was something familiar.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Um I love that. I think that, and so if you're listening to this and you avoid photos because of the way you look, you're not happy with the way you look, because it's not just the way we look, it's a it's uh it's often about safety control, fear of judgment, um, fear of being perceived as something that you're not. So maybe you might look like something that you're not. It depends on what mood you're in as to what comes out of the photo as well. And my fear of being seen. Sometimes you can look like a grumpy bum and you're not, you just you just will have that resting bitch face. Oh, you know, is that it?

SPEAKER_01 7:27

It's like I've I've always been my my cousin and I, we have uh one of my cousins in um Canberra. Yeah, we both have and we have since a very young age, both got really bad resting bitch face. And we didn't realize it wasn't actually until we used to go out clubbing together when we were both 18, 19. And you know, it was pointed out to us, and we were like, oh gosh, this is a thing. I have it.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

It's a thing, it's a family thing, it runs in the family. I've never been told I have a resting bitch face, but uh, you don't. You actually don't. I might if I try to do a resting bitch face, I just look like I'm being like the face you just pulled in.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

The face you just pulled in. I'm sorry, but you actually look like Grumpy Cat. Remember Grumpy Cat?

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Oh, that's funny. Uh so yeah, that's some of the thoughts that could be going in your head with uh photos is am I too big? Uh how do I look sitting down? Should I stand up? Should I hide behind someone? Can people see my stomach? What's my best angle? Like you know, some people use their hair um to cover the sides of their because they don't like their ears. But there's just so many things that take over.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

Well, but don't smile big because they're conscious of their subconscious of their own.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

That's thinking those things. The person who wants to keep the photo, because you might not want it, you might throw it out. The person who wants to keep photos sees you for all the beauty that you are, and they want to keep that snapshot. So you've got to work out how you're gonna get around that. Um, so that was just one thing, photos. Gosh, we could have kept going down a little tanty on that one. But the other one that we spoke on, and we briefly touched it on it with Ellen, is hiding on holidays. So fear of worrying about what everyone thinks of you and how you look to the point where you don't actually enjoy your holidays. You don't get in your swimmers, you don't put shorts on because you worry about what your legs look like. Um, there's just so many things. Like, even I know for me, I love to sing, but I avoided karaoke because I was always worried about what people might think.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

Oh, same. Yeah, I was always exactly the same. Um singer, and yeah, never do karaoke.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

Yeah. So do you have you ever not done a holiday properly because you've been afraid of looking stupid or doing something, or you just weren't comfortable with your body and where you know, we've talked in the past about how um I mean your anxiety disorder was really showed up when you were a child, whereas mine showed up full blown when I was older.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

But running through my um teenage years, um oh, even when I was younger and into my 20s, I was I would very rarely get into my swimmers around other people. I was just so self-conscious about uh my body. And you know, looking back, I had a great body. I mean, I was a professional dancer, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

Isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 10:34

You know, and it was really funny how it is because I didn't have a problem getting up on a stage in like a leotard, you know, yeah, and but it was because I wasn't being me, I was a character. Yep. In my real life, I hid a lot.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

Yeah, isn't that interesting? Because like a lot of people think body image is because perhaps you're carrying too much body fat. Like that tends to be where people's minds go. They don't like their big belly hanging over, but it can have effects on both ways. Uh like you can be too thin in your head. And for me, at one point, I was really fit, really healthy, but anxiety played a huge role in my life. And I remember I went away um to a health retreat with my friend, um Cassandra, she might be listening, and she said to me, which kind of struck a nerve, she said, Do you constantly wear tracksuits and bigger clothes because you're worried that people are gonna look at your body and judge you because you have a nice body? I was like, Yes, I've worked hard to get my body where it's at. But women in particular can be very judgmental no matter whether you're fit or underweight or overweight or whatever you look like. You're in the firing line. And so for me, I wore a lot of greys, a lot of beiges. I never wore anything bright. I always wore clothes that hid my body, and by what I went on a stage, like I was fit, and I'm still hiding myself, yeah, and wearing black colours.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

That's the other thing. I used to always wear black, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:12

It's a safety colour, black and grey, safety colours beige, yeah. Those safety colours, black in particular, it covers a lot. Yeah, I pretty much lived in black. Meanwhile, you're wearing black right now. Um it shows that no, it's actually navy, but this is kind of my branding colours. So you're hiding. Hang on, I've got someone pouring at me because he wants to sit.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Oh, Maidis! Hey Maidis.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

He has to be in blue. He does. All right, are we done? Wonderful. Yeah, so continuing on with our story. So definitely clothing is is absolutely a big one. Um, specific clothes. I've heard women that say they will never ever wear skirts or shorts because they were cold, um, they had bigger legs at school, and it's kind of conditioned in them that their body isn't suited to shorts, so they just avoid them.

unknown 13:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Or, you know, as you get older and you get cellulite. So then you know, want to hide their cellulite.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

I had a boy at school tell me um that I had really big ears, and so most of my life I never wore earrings. I I avoided that. I didn't want to draw any attention to my ears. Yeah, and it's only been the last five years. I mean, I'm 40 now, nearly 41, and it's only been the last five years that I've started wearing big earrings. And yeah, I've I've I love wearing earrings. I feel naked without my earrings now.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I used to get told I've got, you know, you've got big teeth.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Yeah, yeah, me too. Big teeth. Yeah, it's a good thing though, big teeth.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

Exactly. But yeah, when when you're young and you're told something like that, and you already have uh a predisposition to maybe being a bit anxious. It really can buy into that.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Yeah, it sits in your mind for in a deep, deep space, and it it plays a lot of parts on choices that we make as as life goes on. Um, do you find another one I find body image and and and avoiding and hiding is cancelling events. Like I've had a lot of close friends who you would know as well who who struggle with a bit of anxiety and and getting that sort of in control, they cancel it's too much, and they're missing out because you know that we were talking about the roller coaster where you're going up this that's when all the anxiety is waiting to get on the roller coaster and going up. But once the ride takes off, it's kind of fun, right? Yeah, a lot of people don't get to the top, they jump out, they they don't want to do it, yeah. And um, there's a lot of anxiety around having people over or going to an event, and so people just don't ever go to events and and I found in business like there's business um network meetups. You've been to a few, um, but I do know a lot of people who don't do it because it's too anxious because they have to get up and talk about their business in front of people, yeah, and so they're losing an opportunity to promote themselves and grow their business. Yeah, they're hiding. They're hiding, yeah. Yeah, and you have to move in these days, unfortunately. Yeah, that's a reality. That's reality of life and business in today's world. I know, it is hard. Another thing that I've noticed, and I don't know if this is something that you've ever noticed, is people editing themselves out of memories. So going through photos from years ago and throwing them in the bin or ripping themselves out because I don't like the way they look. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

Have you seen that? I've seen yeah, I have. I've seen I've seen that happen a couple of times where photos of they've literally you know ripped themselves out of the photos.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

I wonder though, like, do you think that's it's a way to control things, or do you think genuinely people are entitled to like if it's a terrible photo and it's a good question. Do you want to be forever remembered as the person with the face that's like hold like no one can see my face, but you know, like doing something really silly with your face.

SPEAKER_01 16:39

But then I know, but in the psychology behind it, and in it it so is, and you know, I've looked at photos and we've all done it. Like in the moment, you think, oh god, that's a disgusting photo, but I've kept it, and then looking back 20 years later, I can't see what I saw 20 years ago. I see a younger version of Nat, you know, I looked happy, or I remember the memory of what I was doing at the time. Yes, you know, uh having anxiety and having the you know, a body image. Um we are so hypercritical of ourselves in the moment that yeah, are we robbing ourselves of these memories in the future by by editing ourselves out of things? And taking it.

SPEAKER_00 17:34

Just delete yourself.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

Yeah, delete it. Yeah, exactly. Or you know, in your camera, you just delete the photo. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

It's the same with Photoshop, like you know, zooming. My wedding photographer purposely like made people's arms look slimmer, and oh no, this was years ago because it was a new thing that had come out, it was like 20 years ago now, and it just didn't look right. Oh, that's really sad that it they did that. Yeah, and I just thought that's not how I know these people. I don't want that. No, exactly. I don't want everyone to have perfect teeth and perfect hair and perfectly sculptured faces and yeah, thin-toned arms. I mean, yeah, it's the aging thing too. A lot of people hide because they, you know, I mean, I I hide every day. I've got I just covered all my greys up. But I was just about to say that between hiding and feeling good, I it's a fine line, isn't it? Absolutely, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

I guess again, it comes back to the intention. Yeah. The intention behind it. Are you, you know, I love my hair with you know, you've got you know, darker brown hair. I like my hair to look darker. It gives me colour in my face.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Yeah, that's it. You know, that sort of thing.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

Yes, you're just enhancing as opposed to hiding, you know, like I'm in the the age, older age bracket where I mean I finally have embraced my grey hair. You know, I don't have any colour in my it does, yes. I thank you. I do love it. But before I did that, like I didn't see my natural colour for 30 years, 25 years, 30 years. Um, because I was always colouring my hair. I mean, at one point I was a hair model for a long time, so yeah, but I always had my hair coloured. So there was anxiety around, you know, whenever I when I decided to start growing it out, yeah, what's it going to look like? You know, is it gonna make me look old? And I would grow it out, you know, it was a process over about seven years. I'd start to grow it out, but then the regrowth, I mean, I was dyeing my hair blonde, so it wasn't that obvious. But it was it was at a point where I was like, oh gosh, it actually does make me look old. You know, it's different too when you're 25 and dyeing your hair a beautiful silvery colour, it looks cute. But when you get to you know 50 and it doesn't look cute anymore, it just makes you look old.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

It depends on the skin tones because you've got the cooler skin tones as well, whereas I've got warmer skin tones. So it really depends on who can get away with it. And I find like some people it suits them, like it really does. Yes, yeah, they look stunning, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

They look stunning with their grey hair. So you know, we could go even further. I mean, hair, makeup. Are we using it to enhance? Yeah, we could go through a lot of there's a lot of things you can do.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

Fillers and Botox, like cheek implants, like um chin implants. Oh my goodness, yeah, there's a lot of people. Reshaping your eyes. And my biggest motto is with that is it's your body and you're entitled to do what you want with it. And then as well, taking into mind, are you doing it for you to make yourself feel better? Or are you doing it because you're so worried about what other people think? You're trying to control people's thoughts about you. Like there has to be a reason behind it. I think some people can get obsessed with it and they're they're ne they're never truly happy. Like you see, people get obsessed because it's something deeper that we need to consider. We need to go and speak to someone, I think. Um absolutely it isn't just stealing confidence. I find body image, I think that it's stealing evidence that we ever existed. And whether that's augment augmenting, oh my god, I can't speak um ourselves. It starts with just you know cutting and styling our hair and waxing our eyebrows. That's more of a tidy up phase, and then we move into some more deeper things. Um but when you think about it, and I know this is something I often think is kids don't care about what their bodies look like. So when did when does it start? Like it You know what I mean? Unless you're born with a condition and you're very aware every single day, like that would play on your mind to a certain degree.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

But I think it is getting younger though, the the body because of social media, because we live in a world now where you are much more on show. Yeah. Because things are and we have more access to comparison, to comparing ourselves to other people, as opposed to, you know, pre-social media days. When I, you know, when I was a kid with literally, yeah, Dolly Magazine.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

And girlfriends.

SPEAKER_01 22:43

Those sorts of things. But they were also really, I mean, they were they were you know trashy magazines, but they were also uh about trying to empower girls, like girl power and all that sort of thing. Um the images didn't show that because the images were still showing these, you know, um glossy, gorgeous, you know, made-up models. Um but yeah, I think I think today's world is a lot harder, and I think body image kids are becoming more aware of body image at a much younger age, which is really concerning.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

It is, because that's gonna play on them for the rest of their life. And I often wonder like, are they picking it up? Because some of these younger kids aren't on social media yet. And they must be picking up, like, we think we're hiding flaws, but sometimes we're actually hiding ourselves from the people who love us, and the people who love us are watching us do that. So when you suck your stomach in all the time, um, you're basically saying my tummy's not good enough. Uh, negative self-talk, avoiding photos and mirrors, uh, body change, or maybe you're obsessed with mirrors and you know you spend a lot of time looking in the mirror at yourself, um, constantly saying that you look disgusting and outfits over and over again. Like, I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. It's just constantly going around in your head. Um, I've had people who are afraid to eat in public because they don't like the way they look when they eat. Eat, yeah. That's insane. I don't care. I mean, I'm a pig, I'll just get it all over my face. Right, it's delicious. And I think people appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

I think I think it looks attractive and healthy with if a woman is sitting there eating with passion, you know, and loving her food because it also then gives the you know, you you get a message that this woman is passionate and excited about life, yeah. And is also comfortable within themselves, you know, they don't they don't care.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

And the kids are watching that. Like if you're a parent, your kids are watching that. They're they're not just hearing body image, they're they're watching what you're doing, yeah, and that's important. Gosh, this episode's gone longer than I thought. Um I wanted to sort of touch on the sort of wellness trap side, but I think that that that could be a completely different episode where we can talk about being obsessed with healthy, you know, leading to orthorexia. Orthorexia, yeah. Controlling disguised as wellness. Like I've had like what Ellen was talking about, how it became her identity to be the clean eating wellness person. And gosh, there's just so many things that can come back to that. But looking at the anxiety compass, um anxiety is hijacking the compass when your body becomes the enemy and food becomes dangerous, mirrors become evidence of you know, this is not good, and you get obsessed with looking at yourself. You know, back in tribal days and and back when when were mirrors first invented and discovered, I mean, humans haven't been looking at their reflection forever. We'd be probably looking at it the reflection of the the pool or or a lake. Yeah, but yeah, we can see so finely into our features now, can't we? It's quite alarming. Yeah, so your nervous system becomes like a surveillance and constantly in high alert, trying to be the best and and what's that doing? Are we hiding or are we trying to be something that's not achievable or takes our whole life to get there? It's that that in itself is missing out on life, right? But yeah, it really is. Shall we end with a nice sort of reflective question? Yeah, I think if you've been listening and you're kind of like, This is me, I need to be in more photos, I've got to stop talking nasty about myself, but I don't know how to do that because I'm not happy with myself. Like there could be so many thoughts going through your head at the moment. Your body's not an ornament, it is an incredible machine, and it's constantly talking to you. You know, it's giving us signs and symptoms and symptoms to tell us, you know, what to focus on. Well, we're not doing that with you, is it trying to decorate it and make it look fancy. Yeah, it's a crazy thing.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

Other than just being comfortable in ourselves, just loving our bodies, loving ourselves for who we are, flaws and all. I mean, you look at um what's the Japanese, is it ik i ik ikagi? Oh gosh, I should have thin so before I came up.

SPEAKER_00 27:35

I know it.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

Yeah, ikigai. Yeah, you know, feeling you know, when when uh something breaks, like you know, a cup breaks, and then they put it back together with gold. Yes, being able to look at yourself as being a beautiful, imperfect, because none of us are perfect, imperfect piece of fine china, you know, the works are the things that make you unique, exactly, and so looking at rather than looking at yourself as being broken or not perfect, filling those places up with gold because we are gold.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

We are, and the goal is not missing your life while waiting to feel worthy enough to live it, like live it now. Oh my gosh, I feel like I'm in one of those motivational podcasts. Live it.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

But it is so true. Life is so short, it is, and it's not realise. It's such a it's such a um cliche saying that you know, the older you get, the re more you realise, and of course, more life experience you get. Yeah, you know, you just don't know what's around the corner.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

You're a wise owl. So reflective question. If you're drawing or doing all the things, because I know you're doing all the things, or thinking about doing all the things, what things, uh, what moments have you missed, avoided or hidden from because you didn't feel comfortable being seen. You're not good enough yet. I'll do it when I'm good enough. What if that never happened?

SPEAKER_01 29:13

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

Yeah. Do you have anything else you want to add to this, Nat?

SPEAKER_01 29:18

No. I mean, I could add 110 billion other things, but no, I think we'll leave it then. All the things. It's such an important subject, though.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

It is, it truly is. Alright, well, we'll leave you on that note and uh have a fantastic day and go and do the thing. Just do the thing. Just do live your life. Thanks for joining us on the Anxiety Compass. If you love this episode, share it with a friend who needs a little laugh and a lot of calm. We'll see you in the next one. Keep following your true north. Disclaimer time. Sammy and Natalie may be clinical nutritionists, but we're not your personal doctors. What you're here is for learning and laughing, not diagnosing or prescribing. If things feel bigger than you, call your doctor or local support line or reach out to a qualified health professional and call your back to