Somatic Healing for Wellness-Focused Women

(#63) How to Set Boundaries That Stick: A Somatic Healing Approach

• Rae The Somatic Coach • Episode 63

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Struggling to set boundaries without guilt? In this episode, Rae shares a somatic approach to boundary-setting, helping you establish limits that feel clear, aligned, and empowering. We'll dive into:

✅ What boundaries really are and how they create safety and respect
✅ The connection between people-pleasing, guilt, and weak boundaries
✅ How somatic awareness can help you trust your limits and communicate them with confidence
✅ Three body-based practices to help you set and hold boundaries effectively

By the end of this episode, you’ll have practical somatic tools to strengthen your boundaries, feel more confident in saying no, and navigate relationships from a place of self-trust.

Stand In Your Power: Breathwork + Boundaries on 2/13 at 7pm (EST)

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Disclaimer: Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is intended to inspire, educate, and support you on your personal journey. It does not substitute for professional mental health advice. I am not a psychologist or medical professional. If you are experiencing distress, mental health challenges, or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified professional.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Radiant Life Podcast. I'm your host, rae, the Somatic Coach, and I'm here to support you in healing your past, living in the present and creating your future so that you can become the most centered, embodied and happiest version of yourself. Each week, I'll be bringing you episodes to help you navigate life's challenges, ease stress and tension and learn more about holistic healing, spirituality and wellness. If you're interested in becoming the best version of yourself so that you can live the life of your dreams, then you're in the right place. Subscribe to the podcast and the monthly newsletter and follow me on Instagram and TikTok to know when new episodes are released each week. I am so happy that you've landed here. Let's dive in. Welcome back to the podcast. If you are new here, I'm Rae, I'm a somatic coach and breathwork facilitator, and if you aren't new here, welcome back. I'm so glad that you're tuning in for today's episode. So before we dive into today's topic, I have a few announcements and I'll share just quickly about my trip to Costa Rica, which was absolutely amazing. I would say that my top three highlights. The first was I got to go surfing with my husband. I took a lesson when we first got there and then I rented a board for the week and so I was able to just go out whenever I wanted, which was really, really awesome, and they're all like baby waves there, so I just got to. I didn't have to go out too far, which was great, and I got to go out like almost every day, so it was absolutely so much fun. I think I might try and surf this summer. I've never surfed down here where I live, so we'll see, we'll see. But I literally had the time of my life and I will definitely be going back and I just love Costa Rica so much. And then the second favorite part I would say was definitely the nature and the animals. I thought just like listening to the birds we had this like beautiful outside porch and just being able to like sit and read on a storm and hear all the birds and the monkeys and they have these howler monkeys there, so they make these like crazy big howls and it's just really cool. And then my third highlight was I went to a few different yoga classes while I was there, but one in particular with this instructor named Hannah, and I might ask her to come and be on the podcast, but her class was absolutely amazing. It was such a cool blend of movement with breathwork and meditation. And when I asked her more about where she learned this style of yoga, she actually created it. You know herself Like she took a bunch of different certifications and then created her own style through all of her different certifications. So it was really really nice, really cool, really inspiring to hear her story and I hope that I can have her on the podcast soon.

Speaker 1:

And two announcements I have for you before we dive into today's topic. The first is that I can have her on the podcast soon, and two announcements I have for you before we dive into today's topic. The first is that I'm planning to rebrand the podcast, so that will look like potentially updating the name and also moving back to weekly episodes. So I'm excited for that. Stay tuned. I'm hoping that that will be happening by March, but we'll see, we'll see. So that's coming. And then the second is that breathwork of the month is for the month of February, is on the 13th, and I'll leave all the details for that in the show notes. All right. So for today's episode, we're going to be chatting about a topic that I absolutely love.

Speaker 1:

It comes up for myself in my personal life and with my clients quite often, and that is boundaries. So if you were to make your own definition of boundaries, what would it be? I think it's important for us to define words and I think a word like boundaries can mean so many different things to different people, because everyone's. How would you define the word boundaries? What would it look like for you personally? According to Psychology Today, the definition for boundaries that they have is that boundaries define the physical, emotional and psychological space that you need to feel comfortable, safe and respected in your interactions with others safe and respected in your interactions with others. So boundaries can show up in so many different ways. You know physical space relationships. They can show up at work. There can be emotional boundaries. So there's a lot that can go on in this topic of what boundaries look like for each person and their unique lived experience, and also having strong boundaries person and their unique lived experience, and also having strong boundaries and figuring out how to set those boundaries, whatever they might look like for you.

Speaker 1:

So boundaries can be pretty challenging and sometimes really uncomfortable, especially if you have struggled with people pleasing in the past or currently are, and if you've ever felt guilty for setting boundaries or currently are, and if you've ever felt guilty for setting boundaries but they're definitely not selfish. They're there to help other people and yourself really know what your needs are. So once you've started to set more boundaries, or if you are interested in doing that, they will definitely be able to strengthen your relationships, because all of the people involved yourself and others will know exactly what your needs are, and when that happens, it leads to less resentment, less conflict and, ultimately, deeper connection and more vulnerability. So, although boundaries can be sometimes challenging and uncomfortable, they're really good for you to have. They are what allows you to feel safe, for you to feel protected, and it will also allow you to build your confidence. So it does, you know, take time.

Speaker 1:

It can be a practice, especially if it's something that you've previously struggled with or are currently struggling with. It's a skill. It's a skill that you can learn, that you can grow and that you can adjust throughout the different phases of your life. For example, boundaries at work might look a lot different than the boundaries that you have with your best friends. Might look a lot different than the boundaries that you have with your you know your best friends. So, allowing those boundaries to be fluid and adjust based on what you need and the different phases of life that you're in.

Speaker 1:

And, specifically, if people pleasing or perfectionism is something that you struggle with, remember to really be kind with yourself when you're starting to make changes. So, if boundaries is something that you've been working on, or have been wanting to work on really being kind with yourself, it's not something that can change overnight and it does take time, and you also might get it wrong a few times too, and that's okay. So being self-compassionate is key when you're starting to look at your personal boundaries and how you want to change them. And even for myself, this area of boundaries is something that I think I've grown a lot in the past few years, something that maybe in my 20s wasn't something that I was really as conscious of. But then, as I got older and I learned more about people pleasing and perfectionism and emotional healing, I realized that there were moments where I would get really angry, and it was because I don't think I had awareness around what my boundary was, and then, when a violation would come, I would get angry very fast instead of being able to communicate it or understand it, and so that's what we'll be diving into towards the end of today's episode of just like how to set boundaries, how to communicate them. Yeah, so it's something that you can definitely change and build and grow over time.

Speaker 1:

So there are three somatic practices I would love to share with you, using a somatic approach to set those boundaries, change, adjust, feel into them, grow. Just three practices that will help you with boundaries. So the first is a way to be mindful when you're having an interaction of some sort, so noticing how your body feels in the interaction. You could do this in the present moment, if you have that mindfulness already, and you could also do this afterwards, in reflection, because the awareness of being connected to your body might be new for some people, and so you want to just build this skill. You know, however, wherever you're at right now, so noticing how your body feels in the interaction. You could do this in the present moment, or you could do it afterwards, in reflection. An example would be if you are in an interaction where you've been people pleasing, so you're sacrificing your own needs to make somebody else comfortable, or putting their needs first, you might notice that your body is leaning forwards, so it's leaning in to the conversation, it's leaning in to the experience or that moment. So what you'll want to do is adjust your body so you're going to place your hand on your heart and you're going to lean your body back away from the interaction, so physically creating more space between you and the moment, and you have your hand on your body to protect yourself. So this is somatically, physically, setting the boundary between the interaction and yourself and it's also adding that layer of protection.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and the second practice this is something that I enjoy doing often is, again, it's a mindfulness, body-based practice, so noticing where your personal energy, where your personal boundary begins and where it ends. So this means that you will be able to feel the shape of your body and feel the shape of your personal energy. So you can do this by closing your eyes and visualizing and feeling into the shape of your body, and even visualizing two inches off of your body, and so you'll see the shape of what your energy might look like, and it could be any color, any shape. It might change, but this is your personal space, this is your personal energy. You can even expand that if you're feeling like taking up more space. You can even contract that if you're feeling like that. It feels good for you in that moment. So it's something that can be titrated in and out, but ultimately it's helping you to feel safe, to take up space if you want to, or feel more protected if you need that. So having an idea of your own felt sense will amplify your boundaries because you'll have a deeper connection to your body, which leads me to the third practice.

Speaker 1:

So the third practice is really gaining clarity on what your yes and what your no is in your body. So this builds off of the other two practices that I just mentioned, but you can do this by asking yourself yes or no questions and noticing how your body responds. So you would take your time going through the questions slowly and allowing your body to give you the response of yes or no, and you're going to do this with questions that you know are factual. So am I wearing blue pants right now? Yes, I am. Am I wearing a blue sweater? Yes, I am. Am I wearing black socks? No, right now I'm wearing white socks. So you're going to go through this process slowly and you can even write down like five yes questions and five no questions, and what you're going to be doing as you're responding internally with those answers is you're going to wait for your body to give you a sensation, to give you a felt sense of what that yes or what that no is, of what that yes or what that no is, and this will be really helpful for you to gain clarity on what your boundaries are from a felt sense.

Speaker 1:

So, taking these somatic practices into your day-to-day life, into your toolkit, how can you now set boundaries that are clear and firm and feel good for you? So the first step is that you really have to be clear on what the boundary is and what your personal needs are. So you want to have clarity, you want to know exactly what you need, and sometimes this can take time, sometimes this takes a few no's for you to realize like, oh, that's a no for me and that's okay, and so, yes, giving yourself the time, space and grace to find and discover what your needs are and what your boundaries are. And then the second is being prepared for if your boundary and what you're asked might be isn't met. So what does it mean for you if this boundary cannot be set? Is there flexibility? Is it a non-negotiable? Is it something that you're really firm on or like what is it. What would it feel like for you if that boundary couldn't be respected? And then the third is allowing yourself to communicate it. So this really depends on the situation and the moment that's happening.

Speaker 1:

But it could look like a conversation, it could look like being vulnerable with someone and letting them know how you feel. If that's the case, then coming from a very, you know, safe and compassionate and space that's respectable for both parties. It could also look like, if that's not the case, and it could look like, in the moment, you have a boundary violation and you need to protect yourself, and so you get angry and start yelling, and I think that there are moments where both are completely appropriate, depending on the situation. So obviously we're talking about a larger boundary violation that would require you to get angry and yell, like that is what you need to do sometimes to protect yourself. And I think, if people pleasing or perfectionism or things need to look a certain way, is something that you've struggled with. This might not be something that you've given yourself permission to do, and I think sometimes it's okay.

Speaker 1:

And then the fourth is if you need to take a break, you know, take your time. You can absolutely do that. You can tap in and out of a conversation if it's a, you know, compassionate, safe space. So scenario number one you know if you need to take a break, just do that. And then the fifth step is you know, definitely, if you feel stuck, if you feel overwhelmed, if you feel like you need support, reaching out for support.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes conversations can be hard to navigate, vulnerability can be hard to navigate, and boundaries Sometimes it's hard to figure out exactly what your needs might be or what the violation is, and so, having a sense of support, it can really be helpful if you're feeling stuck. And so, ultimately, boundaries are really needed to provide you with safety in your experience, to have your personal needs met and allow yourself to stand firm in what feels good for you. Having self-compassion is absolutely necessary when doing any kind of boundary work. People pleasers and perfectionists. Allow yourself the time to figure this out with grace for your personal process. All right, so that is what we have for today's episode. So just a quick recap. We talked about boundaries, setting our own definition of what boundaries mean to you, how they can be challenging and some tips to navigate them. We talked about some somatic practices for setting boundaries, and then we also talked about how to set them in a way that's clear and firm and safe and compassionate. So, if you enjoyed this conversation, this month's class is all about boundaries and breathwork. It's called Stand in your Power. It's going to be a workshop. We'll combine breathwork, journaling, somatic exploration to build awareness and have a felt sense of in the body of what it feels like to have firm boundaries.

Speaker 1:

So thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. I always have so much fun recording these for you. I hope that you have an incredible rest of your day, an incredible rest of your week, and I will talk to you soon. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. If you are moved or inspired, please share with me by leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. It means the world to me and I am. So if you are moved or inspired, please share with me by leaving a rating and review on apple podcast. It means the world to me and I am so appreciative for your support in helping my podcast grow. If we aren't already connected on social media, head over to instagram and tiktok and follow me at ray the somatic coach. Make sure you check out the show notes of today's episode for links to freebies, opportunities to work with me and ways we can stay connected outside of the podcast. I'm so happy that you're here and I can't wait to talk with you on our next episode of the Radiant Life podcast.