Somatic Healing for Wellness-Focused Women

(#83) A Somatic Approach to All-or-Nothing Thinking: Nervous System Healing for Perfectionists & High Achievers

• Rae The Somatic Coach • Episode 83

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If you’ve ever felt stuck in extremes, “I have to do it perfectly or not at all”, you’re not alone. This episode is for the perfectionists, overachievers, and sensitive souls who get caught in all-or-nothing thinking... and are ready for a new way.

In this conversation, Rae shares how all-or-nothing thinking is actually a nervous system response, and how you can meet it with compassion, awareness, and somatic support. You'll leave with simple, body-based tools to help you interrupt the mental loop, soften pressure, and create more space for ease, nuance, and creativity.

In this episode, we explore:
🌀 Why all-or-nothing thinking is a form of protection, not a flaw
🌀 How trauma, perfectionism, and high sensitivity play a role
🌀 What’s happening in the body during these moments (freeze, tension, anxiety)
🌀 Somatic tools to regulate the nervous system and shift your perspective
🌀 Gentle affirmations and movement practices to reconnect with flexibility
🌀 Journal prompts + nervous system check-ins to return to your center

🌿 Ready to soften the extremes and come home to yourself?

Join me this fall at the Return to Soul Retreat — a nature-based healing experience for sensitive, soulful women. There are just a few spots left. DM me “RETREAT” or check the link to learn more.

📩 Sign up for the monthly newsletter to receive somatic tools, journal prompts, and updates straight to your inbox.

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Disclaimer: Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is intended to inspire, educate, and support you on your personal journey. It does not substitute for professional mental health advice. I am not a psychologist or medical professional. If you are experiencing distress, mental health challenges, or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified professional.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome back to the podcast. If you are new here, I'm Rae, I'm a somatic coach and breathwork facilitator, and if you aren't new here, welcome back. I'm so glad that you're tuning in for today's episode. So before we dive into today's episode, one front desk item there is a women's retreat that I'm hosting in October of this year. So October 2nd to October 5th in upstate New York I will be hosting a women's retreat and I'm super excited for it. We are going to be doing all different types of things lots of breath work and sounds healing. We have a guest teacher coming for Yoga Nidra and she's going to be working with, like a manifestation, yogic sleep, which I'm excited for. We're going to be doing some hiking. There are two different hikes that will go on and it's really an opportunity to be in community, connect with other women and, yeah, really the name of the retreat retreat is called return to soul, so it's really about coming home, back to yourself, so really feeling connected to who you are, empowered, energized and, uh, bringing that into the rest of your year. So if that is something that interests you, definitely check out the show notes. All the information is there and there's like a little application for you to submit and then, once you submit that, I respond within 48 hours and then we go from there.

Speaker 1:

So, moving into today's topic, we are going to be talking all about all or nothing thinking from a nervous system perspective, and I chose this topic because I think it's something that comes up every day. Um, all or nothing thinking is a form of nervous system dysregulation and I like working with different uh, you know mind ways of thinking and how it relates to the body. I think it's like a fun way to melt, like, uh, to merge both worlds, the mind and the body. And really, all or nothing thinking is a way to protect ourselves, so it's a form of protection from fear, and we can create space for the gray area, for nuance, for flexibility, for self-compassion, for creativity, and so that's what we're going to be diving into today. So all or nothing thinking can show up a lot in a lot of different ways, and it's a super common pattern for perfectionists to have high achievers and someone that is overcoming any kind of past trauma. So I can show up with this kind of if this than that, and there's no room for flexibility. There's words like always, never perfect failure. I'm a terrible person because I made this mistake, maybe when you were younger, when you were a kid, maybe you had ways of thinking around your grades. Or if you're currently in school, even If I don't get all A's, then I'm a complete failure. She's either my best friend or she's my worst enemy. Or I can either work all day or not work at all. There's no in between, and so all or nothing.

Speaker 1:

Thinking can show up in a lot of different ways, and it is a survival response. So when the nervous system is dysregulated, it's perceiving that there is a threat and it starts searching for certainty, it starts searching for clarity, and that is where absolute thinking can come from. So oftentimes it's trying to protect us from fear, from shame, from overwhelm, from feeling a feeling that is uncomfortable and dysregulating, and in the body this can show up in a variety of different ways. So if you're finding yourself in this thought loop or this thought spiral, noticing how your body is feeling in those moments, it could also be that you're even disassociating in those times. So, bringing in that awareness and that mindfulness to notice, okay, am I feeling any sensation in the body, even if it's numbness? Start with the numbness, start with the numb, start with the freeze, uh, start with the stuckness. And if it's not notice, is your jaw really tight? Is there tension in your shoulders? Is your breathing shallow, like, how is your body responding to this thought loop, to this thought spiral? Is it going into the freeze response, so that feeling, that stuckness, if things aren't exactly perfect? Is it going into the flight response, so really pushing and really pushing past your limit, past your capacity this is something that we talked about in last week's podcast episode past your capacity?

Speaker 1:

This is something that we talked about in last week's podcast episode. Is it going into shutdown? So just complete overwhelm, shutdown, really feeling anxious, like how are these thought loops showing up in your body? So I just want to invite a reframe. That all or nothing thinking isn't bad, it isn't wrong. It's a way that our nervous system communicates to us. So it's providing you with some wisdom of an area that there might be a deeper need and it's saying that you know we need more options, that things don't need to be perfect. So there's a lot of flexibility that we can invite into the space when we notice that we're experiencing all or nothing thinking, anxious thought loops, and I'm going to share some tools that might be helpful if you're finding yourself in this pattern.

Speaker 1:

So one tool that I absolutely love working with is the breath. So really, you could do this through some mindful breathing. You could do this through some mindful breathing. You could do this through like an integrative breathwork practice. But what the breath will allow you to do is shift your way of thinking. It will allow you to shift your mind. It will welcome in more flexibility. It's going to make some space for your thoughts to form organically and fully and instead of with force. So it's going to. If there's any like resistance, friction, it's going to allow that to dissipate and melt away in a really gentle and nervous system regulating way. If you're using your breath, it's a form of self-regulating. So that's going to feel really good in shifting this thought pattern.

Speaker 1:

Another tool that I think is great is orienting. So orienting is when you look at the space around you and you use that to bring you yourself into the present moment and feel really connected to what's happening right now. So, with a thought loop, with all or nothing thinking, with anxious thoughts, sometimes we can find ourselves in other places. Our thinking isn't actually focused on the present moment. So, working with this tool of orienting and beginning to gently look at all of the space around you, engaging your five senses into the current space that you're in. So this could look like. If you're inside, this could look like looking at each wall around you, so the wall in front of you, the walls on the sides of you, the wall behind you, the wall above you, the wall below you, and allowing that to bring you a sense of safety. If you are outside, it could look like that as well. It could look like engaging all of your senses. So like what do you see, what do you hear, what do you smell? You can do that inside as well. So that's orienting.

Speaker 1:

I love incorporating gentle movement, so inviting gentle movement into your current experience. This could look like swaying back and forth. This could look like circling your body, rolling out the shoulders, shaking out the hands, shaking out the body, taking some gentle stretches, allowing yourself the pause. And this is like a micro moment, right, like if you catch yourself in the all or nothing thinking or in the thought loop, bring in the awareness of okay, I'm dysregulated in my body somehow. Uh, something, you know, something's coming up for me. How can I get back into the body? And this is one way to do that through micro movements. So really giving yourself that gentle, gentle, nudge, gentle time to check in with the body, check in with the nervous system.

Speaker 1:

And then the last way that I would suggest shifting this thought pattern, really meeting yourself where you're at, is with gentle touch. So this can look like putting your hands on your heart, or putting one hand on the heart and one hand on the belly heart, or putting one hand on the heart and one hand on the belly, and seeing what kind of phrase you might need to self-regulate. Maybe it's like it's safe to be in the unknown, it's uh, it's safe to begin again, or I'm allowed to begin again, or um, it's it's safe for me to choose another thought. You know, depending on what the thought loop is and what the anxious loop is, there might be a different like group of words that you need to use for your nervous system. But allowing yourself to gently feel touch from you to you hand on the heart, hand on the belly or maybe somewhere else on your body that would be really regulating for you and you can even play with the pressure as well. So maybe you want gentle touch, maybe you want firm.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes when you're feeling anxious, it might feel really good to kind of like squeeze the sides of your arms and kind of give you almost like a self hug, like the butterfly hug. It might be feel really good to do that. So play around with how your body would feel, receiving touch and notice how all of these tools so connecting with the breath, orienting to the space that you're currently in, taking some micro movements whatever that might look like, moving the body in some way, and incorporating a touch that would feel good for you in terms of firmness or gentleness, and including an affirmation around something that you might need to hear or receive would all be really powerful for working with all or nothing thinking or a thought loop that's not serving you or anxious thinking. So really meet yourself where you're at with compassion and see what comes up for you. And if you're not sure where to start, you can also start with where might I be holding on to an all or nothing thought or standard right now in my life? Where am I giving myself ultimatums in life right now and where might I feel the pressure of that thinking in my body and how can I soften into the experience and bring in more flexibility, more compassion, more understanding, more curiosity and see where that takes you, and that is what I have for you for today's episode.

Speaker 1:

So I really enjoyed recording this episode for you. I feel like I even learned some things along the way and this was really, really nice. So I hope that you enjoyed today's episode. If it's something that you are like, this is super interesting. I love learning about nervous system regulation and the body and nervous system healing. I am hosting a retreat in October, so check out all the details in the show notes and, yeah, I'm so glad that you tuned in for today's episode. I really enjoyed recording this one for you and I hope you have an incredible rest of your week and incredible rest of your day and I will talk to you soon.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for being here and tuning in to Somatic Healing for Wellness Focused Women podcast. If you were moved or inspired by today's episode, please take a moment to leave a rating and review on Apple podcasts. It truly helps the podcast grow and helps more people find me on their healing journey. Make sure to check out the show notes to sign up for the monthly newsletter. Links to more resources, opportunities to work with me and ways that we can stay connected. If we aren't already connected on social media, head over to Instagram to follow me at raythesomaticcoach. Send me a DM. I'd love to connect with you and I answer each note that comes in. I am so happy you're here and I cannot wait to talk with you on our next episode of the podcast.